Great few stories for you guys since this is my first time on.
Started my first real campaign as DM a few weeks ago, and I've been working in 5e with a High Elf (she calls it moon elf) Bard named Faen, a Half-Elf Sorcerer named Jim Darkmagic, A half-elf Paladin named Fao-Lin, a human rogue played by me named Carl, and a Gnome Barbarian by the name of Tyson-Chan, the pink haired 3ft tall loli girl who the player specified had large knockers and is going more and more insane. How insane are we talking? For starters, she's got her own houserule that she wears masks all the time, and each masks gives her buffs and debuffs. For example, she has a horse head mask that gives her +2 to persuasion, +2 to bludgeoning damage, her alignment changes to good, but she gets a -4 to intimidate and a -2 to hit, as well as the siege attacker bonus when attacking doors. The character is based on Jacket sort of, so lots of masks to pick from, and she makes her own masks from fallen enemies and allies. In fact, the paladin just died from stupidity so she turned his face into a mask that gives her smite, makes her gain +1 to AC, makes her good as well but cases her int score to drop by 4 (long story with that).
So Tyson-Chan's player is a bit of a troll, so things for Tyson-Chan go unusually strange. Party gathers at the adventurer's guild for a job, and Faen picks her up to get her to join.
So the party goes tro kill some goblins and find out that there are orcs with them. After an ambush round and everything getting their butt kicked, Tyson-chan smacks an orc and breaks his teeth and Faen picks it up in the middle of combat, reminding me and the rest of the party that despite being 32 years old , she's stuck in the mindset of a small child still as she shouts with glee that she got a pointy teeth. Combat ends, and Tyson-chan fails an intimidate check and Faen does a persuasion check which she suggested (but did not do) that she flashes the orc to get him to talk. The whole cuteness and innocent thing got the orc talking, and Tyson-chan tries again to scare the orc. She lands a critical and the orc shits his pants, and the player begins the "Shit Counter".
Later on, in the first dungeon, she's in the way, so knowing she's light enough, the bard PICKS UP AND THROWS THE BARBARIAN INTO THE ENEMY. Needless to say, the enemy were surprised of weaponized gnomes.
So they end up finding a door to the dining hall, and Tyson-chan desires to peek inside. The player rolled awful (like a total stealth of 3 I think) and so it was decided Tyson-chan doesn't make the door squeak, but makes a loud high pitched squeaking with her OWN DAMN VOICE. So the bard takes it upon herself to punish the gnome by kicking her through the door and into the enemy. Unfortunatley for Tyson-Chan, this is into the Orc berserker. The berserker fumbles his roll on hitting her after screaming in her face and failing, killing a goblin upon release. So what does the orc berserker do now he's near death? He picks up the gnome and uses Tyson-Chan the barbarian as a bludgeoning weapon to smack Carl in the face and almost kill him. The quote of the day for that session was: "Do you ever feel like beating up a motherf&#$er with another motherf*#@er?".
Next session, party is debating on what to do. They decide to rest in the abandoned larder and forget to clean up the blood in the room, despite moving/beheading the bodies (they're collecting heads). So the only person who can speak/understand orcish hears of a big orc kicking the door into the dining hall off its hinges. They hear voices coming towards the door, and barricade it with a massive keg of rotten beer. They then escape through a secret passage and fire one of Tyson-chan's firebombs. Needless to say, the flame caused the entire room to burst, forcing a cave in and even breaking the ceiling in the passageway.
Time passes and they head downstairs and find hte bedrooms. They look behind door #1 and door #2 and find nothing of note but goblin junk. The paladin in heavy armor decides to jump from the middle steps down to the basement (which they were already on) and alert every goblin and orc in their room. Upon doing a random roll, 14 goblins and 6 orcs walk out of their rooms and see a very stupid paladin and his companions. Because I had it with his stupid comments and other bullcrap, my character (who would do this in character as well) pushes the paladin into the hallways before stepping back. Needless to say, the paladin died, but he survived the entire encounter until the orcs started dragging him away and he critically failed his third death save.
Time skip to a new animal companion being made and spotting an entire room of charred and headless bodies from the explosion, the party makes it outside to see the orc chief on a winter wolf mount, four orcs and a goblin chief all ready to fight. I planned this encounter to be the orc getting away and the party fighting his lackeys and the goblin. HOWEVER, Tyson-chan, who is at 21/35hp stands up and challenges the orc chief to a duel. At this point, I take the book I was carrying with my notes and threw it saying "THE ORC CHIEF ACCEPTS. You win, the party goes free. If you lose, the party dies." So Tyson-chan wins initiative and goes into a berserker frenzy and attacks recklessly. She proceeds to land two attacks and hurt him a decent amount (keep in mind, Tyson-chan is wearing a mask that gives no benefits to her at all during this fight). The orc lands a critical hit and a regular hit, which totaled to a huge amount, but beause of raging resisted the damage, tyson-chan only took enough damage to knock her to 6hp. She then proceeds to land a heavy hit with max damage and a miss with a second attack from frenzy, and the orc swings, and misses completely with two attacks. Tyson-chan swings again and another single hit, the orc looking worse for wear now at 1/3hp left. The chief then swings and hits, and rolls poorly in damage, leaving tyson at 1hp. Tyson-chan swings and hits twice, dropping the orc chief to 26hp. The orc swings again and lucky for tyson-chan, misses both times. The gnome then swings twice again and rolls max damage on both and I threw everything on the table off the table as I look at him and scream at him "YOU JUST F#$@ING KILLED AN ORC CHIEF BY YOURSELF WHEN YOU WERE WOUNDED."
Tyson-chan's level: 3
Orc's Challenge Rating: 4
This defeat caused the orcs to steal the winter wolf mount and flee, and the goblin drops everything as he shits his pants and surrenders. Tyson-chan's player proclaims that the gnome is unkillable, which Carl proceeds to kick her in the crotch and knock her out with sneak attack damage added on an unarmed strike.
Now, the party has met the gnome Lilli "Noshoe" who owns the shoe stall in town that seems to carry everything but shoes (the gnome pulled out a 30lb bag of clay from a handy haversack, as well as a shovel and 12 small vases, but no shoes) and watched as my character gets arrested and placed in the hole for beating an orc in prison, that he jailed himself, with his bare hands. So now the party gets a week of downtime as Carl, the DM's character, gets a week in jail and the paladin gets a free rez from the mayor who believes the quest was much more important than most quests given at the guild (to be fair, in this homebrewn world, goblins and orcs allying caused a massive war to break out that tore apart the continent the party is on).
I'm expecting more madness with Tyson-Chan as they go do some werewolf hunting. To prepare, Tyson-Chan walks up the blacksmith and holds up her greataxe above her head and shouts to the man and his son: "I have here a greataxe that I love. But I want it to be a bestaxe!" And that's the story of how the apprentice got whacked and the barbarian gnome got a silvered axe
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Topic: Re: Dungeons & Dragons / PNP games thread: COBRA!!! (Read 848917 times)