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Author Topic: The friendly and polite Europe related terrible jokes thread  (Read 1008330 times)

Antioch

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6960 on: October 13, 2017, 09:55:09 am »

The good news is that in another 30 year the radiation will have dropped to acceptable because that is the half-life of cesium-137.
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ChairmanPoo

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6961 on: October 13, 2017, 11:37:25 am »

The good news is that in another 30 year the radiation will have dropped to acceptable because that is the half-life of cesium-137.
I would not rule out the chance to preserve a nucleus of human specimens. It would be quite easy, at the bottom of some of our deeper mineshafts. Radioactivity would never penetrate a mine some thousands of feet deep, and in a matter of weeks, sufficient improvements in dwelling space could easily be provided.
 Nuclear reactors could provide power almost indefinitely. Greenhouses could maintain plant life. Animals could be bred and slaughtered. A quick survey would have to be made of all the available mine sites in the country, but I would guess that dwelling space for several hundred thousands of our people could easily be provided.

As to how to decide who stays up or down...  a computer could be set and programmed to accept factors from youth, health, sexual fertility, intelligence, and a cross-section of necessary skills. Of course, it would be absolutely vital that our top government and military men be included to foster and impart the required principles of leadership and tradition. Naturally, they would breed prodigiously, eh? There would be much time, and little to do


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Silverthrone

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6962 on: October 13, 2017, 12:08:24 pm »

I say, they ought to increase the hunting quotas on boars nonetheless. If the meat is unsuitable, surely the pelts could be sufficiently sanitised for use and decoration?

Hunting as a sport is a growing activity again, and there is quite simply not enough game hunting teams to go around. Not to mention, one must start somewhere. Boars seem rather ideal as a supplement to deer and elk in the game-stockpile. I know that I would not turn down a boar-hunt.

If nothing else, it ought to be perfectly legal for a land-owner to shoot invasive boars playing at coal miners on their property.

(To air some of my prejudices again, I believe that one opposition towards broader boar hunting would be fielded primarily by city-dwellers, who see the cute, fuzzy, striped little piglets on the television, and will consider any hunting measures against them as a form of genocide. Perhaps if they migrate into the suburbs, and do their porcine magic on a couple of flower-beds, there will be a slight shift.)

Yeah, the contamination is still from the Chernobyl incident, over 30 years ago. The wind spread a big cloud of radioactive dust over the north of Sweden.

Amusing fact: the first sign in the Western world that something had gone quite awry in the Soviet Empire was when particles from Tjernobyl triggered radiation alerts at the Forsmark NPP, Sweden. After some brief panicking, it was discovered that the radio-active particles had arrived externally from the east.

It was not nearly as cataclysmic as it was feared, however. Quite managable, as far as severe atomic disasters are concerned. There might still be spots in the heavily affected areas where one would be well advised to not eat large amounts of mushrooms, provided they can catch any before they scatter and run.
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TheDarkStar

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6963 on: October 13, 2017, 12:35:59 pm »

The good news is that in another 30 year the radiation will have dropped to acceptable because that is the half-life of cesium-137.
I would not rule out the chance to preserve a nucleus of human specimens. It would be quite easy, at the bottom of some of our deeper mineshafts. Radioactivity would never penetrate a mine some thousands of feet deep, and in a matter of weeks, sufficient improvements in dwelling space could easily be provided.

...

Of course, it would be absolutely vital that our top government and military men be included to foster and impart the required principles of leadership and tradition.

"Please sign up for our nuclear bunkers. There are 999 of them and they are each devoted to some horribly unethical experiment perfectly safe! We promise we won't mistreat you, the government says so and will not be able to check up every once in a while after the apocalypse! We definitely don't promise to let you go after 180 days!"

-Vault-Tec
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RedKing

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6964 on: October 13, 2017, 01:24:50 pm »

Meanwhile in Sweden, farmers are concerned about wild boars becoming a true plague in the north of the country.
Global warming has allowed the boars to spread their habitat further north over the past decades.
Hunters have mostly stopped hunting the boars, because the boars are too radioactive. Contrary to other local animals, the boars dig deep into the earth to find food, like underground mushrooms. Those still contain high concentrations of radioactive Cesium-137.
Even though the radiation is only minor, and you would have to eat a whole lot of boar to be affected, their radioactiveness still exceeds national food safety standards by nearly a factor 2. Hunters will not hunt them, for they can't sell the meat, and have to pay for the testing of the meat themselves.

The boar population in the north has risen from zero to 250 thousand in half a century, and they are responsible for a lot of damage to agriculture.

I think the Swedish government should consider subsidizing the hunters, at the very least for the costs of testing the meat.
Y'all are thinking about this all wrong. Think like a DF player -- i.e. "how can I weaponize this?"

I look forward to seeing Sweden's radioactive boar cavalry. Or their tanks firing glowing, angry boars.
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Egan_BW

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6965 on: October 13, 2017, 01:27:34 pm »

Sell the radioactive boar meat to americans, we won't be able to tell the difference. :P
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redwallzyl

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6966 on: October 13, 2017, 02:55:38 pm »

Sell the radioactive boar meat to americans, we won't be able to tell the difference. :P
No, you just skip killing them yourselves and recruit Americans to hunt them. Then you make stylish hats out of their tusks and turn their skins to leather Boom profit!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Reelya

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6967 on: October 13, 2017, 04:59:07 pm »

Sell the radioactive boar meat to americans, we won't be able to tell the difference. :P

They can use it for the USAs school lunch program. It will be a pleasant change from the goat anuses marinated in ammonia that is currently served.

Egan_BW

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6968 on: October 13, 2017, 05:01:01 pm »

"Hey Americans! We'll let you use literally whatever guns you want if you'll come over here and use them to shoot boars!"
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Reelya

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6969 on: October 13, 2017, 05:34:21 pm »

PETA will start a Boar Lives Matter campaign them.

Anyway it's easily solved, get guys like Anders Breivik and tell them that the boars are illegal immigrants from Eastern Europe.
« Last Edit: October 13, 2017, 05:36:36 pm by Reelya »
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smjjames

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6970 on: October 13, 2017, 05:50:14 pm »

Or maybe introduce natural predators of the boars? *wink* *wink*
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Reelya

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6971 on: October 13, 2017, 07:26:06 pm »

It's gotta be something that's good in the cold and big enough to take boars down. How about release thousands of snow leopards?

This is going to end like that old lady who swallowed a fly.

Criptfeind

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6972 on: October 13, 2017, 07:27:50 pm »

I think humans are probably the best natural predators of boars. Maybe reduce safety standards and run promos and disinformation campaigns to poo poo the effects to radiation. It's even a self correcting balance system because the radiation will stop the humans from overpopulating.
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smjjames

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6973 on: October 13, 2017, 07:57:22 pm »

I was making a slight joke in relation to importing a natural predator to control an invasive species. Climate change is tilting the definition of 'native species' though because some are going to expand their range into where they weren't native previously.
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Silverthrone

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #6974 on: October 13, 2017, 08:09:19 pm »

There are wolves. Of course, to them, sheep are much more preferable to boars and they are frequently poached. For you see, living close to the wilderness should not impact one's comforts at the least, no Sir! If anything slightly disagreeable comes your way, gun it down! Goodness me, they and the city-dwellers deserve each other...

Bears, further, seem unaccostumed to pork. Lynxes are too small. I say, Siberian tigers is an idea, but I do not think the Russians would be willing to share.

No, the apex predator on boar ought to be the common hunting rifle. Saves us all a lot of trouble.
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