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Author Topic: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out  (Read 577 times)

ArchimedesWojak

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someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« on: November 20, 2020, 12:04:00 am »

so i come home today to find a turd on my floor

i instantly got my dog and scolded him for shitting on my floor...

... wait a minute... thats not my dogs shit that is a human shit on my floor

i go over to my older sisters room

"Wake Up Catherine Wake Up... Did You Take A Shit On The Floor"

"Wha... What? Goddamn Dude What The Fuck Are You Talking About!?"

i go back over to the shit i clean it up and now im still trying to figure out who took this big-ass shit in the living room

any ideas?
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YET ANOTHER DATA-COLLECTION THREAD FROM MR. "NOT FEDERAL AUTHORITIES."

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methylatedspirit

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Re: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #1 on: November 20, 2020, 02:05:23 am »

I have two hypotheses: a) it's a family member whose judgement has lapsed hundreds of times over, or b) there's a Phantom Shitter in your neighborhood, and they're just going around, breaking into people's homes and shitting on their floors. It would be hard to prove a (seriously, who would admit to shitting on the floor?), so I'll focus on b. Try asking others in your neighborhood if the same thing has happened to them.
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MrRoboto75

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Re: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #2 on: November 20, 2020, 02:07:57 am »

That's a shitty situation
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Max™

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Re: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #3 on: November 20, 2020, 02:31:58 am »

That's a shitty situation
I'm pretty happy with you for this, only thing I could even change would be "that's a shitty shituation" but really it was great already.
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wierd

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Re: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #4 on: November 20, 2020, 02:48:25 am »

That's a shitty situation
I'm pretty happy with you for this, only thing I could even change would be "that's a shitty shituation" but really it was great already.

Shit happens.
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George_Chickens

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Re: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #5 on: November 20, 2020, 06:59:18 am »

IT WAS ME.
I TOOK THE SHIT ON YOUR FLOOR.
TRY TO STOP ME. YOU CAN'T

Love From the Brown Bandit
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Ghosts are stored in the balls?[/quote]
also George_Chickens quit fucking my sister

Reelya

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Re: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #6 on: November 20, 2020, 07:13:34 am »

What kind of turd would pull crap like this?

Max™

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Re: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #7 on: November 20, 2020, 07:39:35 am »

Don't look at me, I'm no stool pigeon.
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ArchimedesWojak

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Update: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #8 on: November 20, 2020, 08:50:24 am »

i just found out it was my older sisters boyfriend

he and my sister got very drunk the night before and she basically dared him to shit on the floor

when i asked her if she took the shit she was so hungover she couldn't remember what happened

also George_Chickens quit fucking my sister
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YET ANOTHER DATA-COLLECTION THREAD FROM MR. "NOT FEDERAL AUTHORITIES."

Probably the youngest person on the forum at a shockingly cringeworthy 14 years old

Reelya

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Re: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #9 on: November 20, 2020, 09:05:06 am »

Dang, I was hoping an Active Pooper had broken into your house, perhaps the front door was ajar and dropped a log.

ArchimedesWojak

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Re: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #10 on: November 20, 2020, 09:12:51 am »

Dang, I was hoping an Active Pooper had broken into your house, perhaps the front door was ajar and dropped a log.

Me Too Bud Me Too

Quote from: Joseph Stalin
One Shit Is A Tragedy But A Million Shits Is A Statistic
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YET ANOTHER DATA-COLLECTION THREAD FROM MR. "NOT FEDERAL AUTHORITIES."

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nenjin

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Re: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #11 on: November 20, 2020, 10:11:01 am »

This is a top tier shitpost.
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King Zultan

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Re: someone broke into my house and left a gift on the way out
« Reply #12 on: November 21, 2020, 03:43:08 am »

But is it beyond quality?
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