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Author Topic: Face Palm moments you had in Dwarf Fortress  (Read 2130864 times)

jaxy15

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4110 on: March 28, 2011, 03:34:44 am »

I linked a lever to a drawbridge with weak mechanics.
A farmer pulled the lever and ran onto the bridge, and then fell down 3 Z-Levels and had all his bones crushed.
He died.
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Dwarf Fortress: Threats of metabolism.

kardwill

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4111 on: March 28, 2011, 05:18:30 am »

While building my current fortress, I left a whole z-level alone for the future noble quarters.
On this map, despite extensive exploratory mining, I found only copper (much), flux (a crapton), and a single vein of hematite.
I struggled for three years, using leather armors, and scraping every bit of iron and steel from the merchants and the goblins.
Yesterday, I finally opened the noble level to construction.
There's Iron EVERYWHERE! The whole 15x25 zone I designed for the mead-hall's upper floor is inside a giant magnetite cluster.

For three years, I sent my soldiers to their death in leather and copper armor, and I was sitting on iron-valhalla the whole time.  ::)
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Valdrax

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4112 on: March 28, 2011, 07:51:36 pm »

I just wrote up a long (hopefully witty) set of stories about my experiences in 5 fortresses in .21 & .22 and just had it all wiped out by my hotel's wi-fi login screen while trying to post.  *face palm*

To summarize, things that caused a face palm:

1.1)  Animals will die without being put in pasture despite copious vegetation because they are too stupid to feed themselves without being told to.
1.2)  Dwarves you decide to deliberately let starve in hopes of using their work to lay the ground for your "real" embark team don't die; they just work slower while useless migrants pile up.
1.3)  Letting 60-odd dwarves die by abandoning a fortress creates 2-3 years of hauling labors just to put everything back together.  Mostly thanks to clothes.
1.4)  Letting 60-odd dwarves die without creating a bunch of coffins first leaves a place a wee bit haunted.
1.5)  Dwarves too busy to pay attention to a room with nest boxes for 10 turkeys will fuel the creation of a blood-spattered turkeydrome filled with hundreds of murderous baby birds that will come rampaging in a rage out of their pasture to hound down their chosen victim and who have to all be herded back in. 

(On the bright side, I did find the bloody corpse of a honey badger in the doorway to the room at one point.  I promptly named him "Link.")

2.1)  While turkeys crank out an impressive number of eggs, eggs seemingly cannot substitute for bringing plump helmets and farming.  I tried to correct this enthusiastic oversight while all my dwarves were starving, but they were too busy scrounging for vermin to farm.  I found out 3 years later that the reason they were starving is because eggs (unlike meat) have to be cooked.
2.2)  Then I found out that the whole reason I did this -- to avoid irrigating underground soil in 2010 -- is no longer an issue.

3.1)  I carved a too long magma pipe from the topmost level of a volcano to your sand/clay furnaces 2/3 of the way across the map and found out it would have taken 5-7 years to fill if ever thanks to magma evaporation.
3.2)  I made it worse by accidentally creating a 2 level reservoir through stairs underneath the tube.

4)  I embarked on a perfect site with nearly perfect dwarves after 4 hours of world gen and searching (sand, clay, shallow & deep metals, only 3 Z-levels of hills to keep track of, a volcano, no aquifer, and a waterfall) only to find out that the bottom of the volcano has holes in it that emptied into hell as I watched all that effort drain away as the surviving demons bided their time, as the joke goes, to tell me that the dog wasn't that shaggy.

5.1)  I dug a channel from the river all the way to the first level of the caverns so that I could have an opulent dining room / meeting hall with a waterfall in it only to find 1 year later that the growth of cave grasses had completely choked off the stairs I used to drain the water and left the bottom of my fortress flooded with no way to fix the bottom of the pipe 7 Z-levels below.
5.2)  Then I found out the next morning that Toady One fixed the bug that caused grasses to clog stairs and released a fix the Friday before I had started the fort.
« Last Edit: March 28, 2011, 09:31:28 pm by Valdrax »
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Rushmik

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4113 on: March 28, 2011, 08:11:16 pm »

Aha, I have one! I've been playing for a good month or two now and I only learnt yesterday how to assign function key shortcuts.

No more scrolling from the surface to the magma sea! :D
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Dantrithor

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4114 on: March 29, 2011, 04:28:56 am »

I had the luck of having a rather good metalcrafter from my first inmigrant wave. I was happily making gold items (later to be encrusted with gems) them being worth over 1,500 dwarfbucks -each- (compared with my pityful old forts, selling stonecrafts for 60DB each at most).

The second caravan came after I had begun making those golden crafts. Right when they began unloading, this message shows up:

"Goden Adildesis WeaponsmitherO has imposed a ban on certain exports"

Yes. He banned exports of any gold items. Unfortunately most of my steel income comes from THAT caravan... still trying to decide what to do. Grrr... He's a legendary+5 weaponsmither who is making copper bolts like mad, so I'd rather not murder him. Nor any other dwarf.
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4115 on: March 29, 2011, 04:30:45 am »

Ignore the export ban, sell them, dissolve the justice system before they leave the map.

Dissolve can mean whatever you want it to mean, which may be bad for your sheriff/captain of the guard.
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Dantrithor

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4116 on: March 29, 2011, 04:33:11 am »

*Facepalm* I didn't notice I don't have any kind of justice system yet. Not prisons, not captain of the guard, not anything. Will the crimes be carried over for when I get a captain of the guard imposed?
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Urist Imiknorris

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4117 on: March 29, 2011, 04:47:15 am »

Yes, so make a huge prison ASAP. Gold chains would work very well at negating the unhappy thought from being locked up.
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke
I don't know how it works. It does.
Quote from: Jim Groovester
YOU CANT NOT HAVE SUSPECTS IN A GAME OF MAFIA

ITS THE WHOLE POINT OF THE GAME
Quote from: Cheeetar
If Tiruin redirected the lynch, then this means that, and... the Illuminati! Of course!

Angel Of Death

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4118 on: March 29, 2011, 07:18:41 am »

Yes, so make a huge prison ASAP. Gold chains would work very well at negating the unhappy thought from being locked up.
'Yo 'yo 'yo I'm Urist McSmith!

In here for violating a mandate made by a noble piece of shit!

Got my gold chain, hammerer causing me pain, in here with no gain...

« Last Edit: March 29, 2011, 07:20:43 am by Angel Of Death »
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Samuel

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4119 on: March 29, 2011, 02:44:06 pm »

Speaking noble piece of shit, my baroness is currently very unhappy. Despite the deaths and maimings from the goblins recently, she isn't greaving anyone. Get this- the single reason (besides a snow storm) she's in a bad mood? "She has been utterly traumatized by a lesser's pretentious sleeping arrangements lately."

Keep in mind, All my nobles get the same thing, 3x3 rooms, all engraved, with furniture requirements as necessary. She's verging on a mental breakdown because somebody else's room is exactly as nice as her's!

Or, in retrospect, it could be the mayor's artifact armor stand. But the room it's in isn't even engraved!
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MrAnderson

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4120 on: March 29, 2011, 03:02:06 pm »

just had one: 4 years into a fort, decent defending strategy (including dodge-this-walkway into a volcano with serrated steel disks, with magma-washer to clean the dirt out of the traps if they are clogged).
invasion, nothing special, trolls and goblins. i let some gobbos in through my outer bridge to get them sliced, marksmen stay in barracks. as they are marching towards the traps, i see a single marksdorf rushing towards them (note: outside of the burrow). as soon as he reaches them, he enters a martial trance. i think, "nice, that'll teach 'em". i wanted to check, if he got the copper xbow i assigned to the military, but then i saw, he was only holding an "iron shield"...   -.-
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Uristocrat

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4121 on: March 29, 2011, 04:49:35 pm »

I had the luck of having a rather good metalcrafter from my first inmigrant wave. I was happily making gold items (later to be encrusted with gems) them being worth over 1,500 dwarfbucks -each- (compared with my pityful old forts, selling stonecrafts for 60DB each at most).

The second caravan came after I had begun making those golden crafts. Right when they began unloading, this message shows up:

"Goden Adildesis WeaponsmitherO has imposed a ban on certain exports"

Yes. He banned exports of any gold items. Unfortunately most of my steel income comes from THAT caravan... still trying to decide what to do. Grrr... He's a legendary+5 weaponsmither who is making copper bolts like mad, so I'd rather not murder him. Nor any other dwarf.

I think that legendaries are exempt from justice.  Some other poor sod will likely get blamed instead.  I suggest teaching the mayor to do some metalcrafting, in the hopes that they order themselves beaten.
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FuzzyZergling

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4122 on: March 29, 2011, 05:23:34 pm »

You don't need to teach them, just enable them as the only metalcrafter and they'll decide to have themselves punished.
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Scaraban

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4123 on: March 29, 2011, 06:07:33 pm »

I didn't think it mattered if the punished had anything to do with the "crime"
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psychologicalshock

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #4124 on: March 29, 2011, 06:14:35 pm »

I used a lake as a natural barrier on a map that freezes... The only saving grace when goblins attacked was that I had a ton of animals to occupy them while my crossbowmen rained down on them and my regulars woke up to go deal with the ambush.
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