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Author Topic: Face Palm moments you had in Dwarf Fortress  (Read 2126509 times)

WillowLuman

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7710 on: May 25, 2013, 07:29:45 pm »

Naked chained goblin in the middle of the hallway would strangle passing citizens, though. And I'm not of the opinion that the goal of this game is to kill all dwarves except the blacksmiths.
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Edmus

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7711 on: May 25, 2013, 08:47:30 pm »

Probably should have clarified: There is a room you place your marksdwarves in, a lever is pull and a bridge lowers so that the marksdwarves can see the chained goblins at the end of a sealed hallway or room. They will keep shooting until you raise the bridge. Make sure to put fortifications in between them so they don't close into melee should there be an equipment stuff up.
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WillowLuman

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7712 on: May 25, 2013, 08:49:22 pm »

How would I make sure they reload from stockpiles instead of just staring at it?
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Edmus

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7713 on: May 25, 2013, 08:51:14 pm »

I found the wiki article on it. it's a little way down.
http://dwarffortresswiki.org/index.php/DF2012:Military_design
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Kazimuth

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7714 on: May 26, 2013, 10:19:36 am »

Some fisherdwarves come with my first migrant wave. I actually have a river for once, I'll put them to work!

Two seasons later, I notice a portion of my river covered in flies, right where my fisherdwarves are working. Curious, I examine one of them; he's standing on a stack of mussels. I realize I have no fishery / unprepared fish stockpile, so the fisherdwaves have nowhere to put their catch- they've just been standing there, for two seasons, grabbing mussels from the river and dropping them where they stand.

Most efficient use of dwarfpower ever   :-\


at least they're good at swimming now
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foil

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7715 on: May 26, 2013, 11:04:21 am »

When started playing, discovering Plots could be bigger than 1x1.  Rage quit for a couple o months after that.
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BodyGripper

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7716 on: May 26, 2013, 01:25:31 pm »

I think this qualifies.  I had an adept speardwarf named Cog Quakesword.  Naturally, due to her name, I wanted her to be a swordsdwarf.  So, I assigned her to carry a sword as well as a spear, but she almost never uses the sword and is not very skilled in it.

Today, a minotaur showed up.  Since Cog was first in line to fight it, I thought "Hey, what a great chance to practice with that sword!", and forbade the spear.  Cog now has two broken limbs and half her teeth are missing.  I bet she would've speared him right in the brain if I'd let her.
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usgreth

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7717 on: May 26, 2013, 04:02:30 pm »

I have an apprenticeship scheme in my vastly overpopulated fort, I try to make as many dorfs with armoursmith/weaponsmith mooding skills as possible. The weaponsmiths that have mooded have all made candy weapons!
Crossbow/Crossbow/Mace  ::)
There is one artifact candy axe..Aned Ethes, The sport of glistening: A raw candy toy axe *weeps*
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JTTCOTE1

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7718 on: May 26, 2013, 08:09:25 pm »

Okay, 35 children out of 95 dwarves, something's gotta be done.
*Constructs my traditional child-atom-smashing device, a door, lever, bridge and constructed wall*
Great, let's start dealing with this child problem!
*Blah, Dwarven Child has entered a fey mood!*
Oh great, he's 11, he'll be useful soon!
*Blah has claimed a craftsdwarf workshop*
Meh, back to atom-smashing children.
*Blah has created geusljnolvdja, a wooden bracelet*
Sweet, legendary woodcrafter for bolts.
Back to child atom smashing....

Oh hey, why was that one I just smashed flashing?

*Facedesk*
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Ultimuh

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7719 on: May 27, 2013, 03:34:17 am »

Okay, 35 children out of 95 dwarves, something's gotta be done.
*Constructs my traditional child-atom-smashing device, a door, lever, bridge and constructed wall*
Great, let's start dealing with this child problem!
*Blah, Dwarven Child has entered a fey mood!*
Oh great, he's 11, he'll be useful soon!
*Blah has claimed a craftsdwarf workshop*
Meh, back to atom-smashing children.
*Blah has created geusljnolvdja, a wooden bracelet*
Sweet, legendary woodcrafter for bolts.
Back to child atom smashing....

Oh hey, why was that one I just smashed flashing?

*Facedesk*
One of the reasons I don't atom-smash dorfs. :p
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Ionizer

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7720 on: May 27, 2013, 03:42:53 am »

Preface: I have an obsession/sordid history with wells.  About half of my fortress failures can be traced, directly or indirectly, to some problem with a well.

Most recently, I miscalculated how fast the well would fill after the cistern was full (it was a multi-well, with one shaft feeding both the hospital well and the lower drinking well in the dining room).  I had precautions in place (floodgate from the river, and both well rooms had doors preventing watery death to the rest of the fort and the access shaft was tightly sealed on every level with floor hatches).  I wanted the cistern to be completely full, and the shaft to be as full as possible, so the higher hospital well didn't take forever to get a bucket down into the water.  It turns out the lower well was only 2 z levels above the cistern.  Well, after the cistern was full, it didn't take too long for the 2-4 tiles of open space to fill with water, and adding the delay from level pull to floodgate closing, the lower well overflowed, leaving me with a well room flooded to 3/7.  Not too bad, I'd just remove the door retaining the water, letting it wash over the main dining room floor, eventually leaving nothing but some mud that would be cleaned. 

Facepalm moment:  While the door was being deconstructed to begin the "Great Seeping," one industrious dorf waltzed into the well room, likely slurred something along of the lines of "I'll fixst it!" and dove into the well, promptly sinking to the bottom and drowning, contaminating the entire cistern.  The next couple months consisted of me trying to build a new cistern under the old one to drain the contaminated water into before refilling the original cistern with clean water.  I successfully drained the cistern (but the dorf's body mysteriously disappeared, it may have been flushed somewhere I didn't check) and was working on sealing the contaminated cistern when a cyclops appeared and slaughtered my entire (sorely under-equipped and untrained) military before suffocating from a fatal case of "Bone Lung" (read: multiple bone crossbow bolts puncturing its lungs).  At this point, a goblin siege wiped out the rest of my dorfs and thus the fortress of Pastwounds fell.  If I hadn't had to focus on fixing the contaminated well, I might have been able to train my military better (I had a danger room close to completion, but wanted a functional hospital, with well, before commencing the training.)

Other well-related mishaps from other forts include failing to irrigate a farm in time (the irrigation system drained into a cistern to feed a well, building the entire thing at once took too long), leading to starvation; reclaiming that fort and failing to irrigate a second time, but dying of thirst this time because the river froze; reclaiming the fort a third time and actually irrigating this time, but an oversight in floodgate construction (what? water flows upwards over floodgates?) led to flooding the lower half of the fort, including food and booze supplies, as well as drowning several dorfs asleep in their beds.  Paintdrink (really... I wonder why it failed?) was deemed un-salvageable (and very, very haunted) after that.

In a separate fort, I accidentally designed a system to flush any invaders back into the caverns, if they didn't get too far into the fort.  I say accidentally, because after looking at the layout for a while, I realized that by flooding the well, water should cascade down the stairs, missing anything important, and ultimately washing things into the caverns, never to be seen again.  While it would have worked as stated, in practice it took too long because apparently the water needed to flood every other mineshaft before hitting the shaft(s) that actually led to the caverns.  Of course, by time I noticed this, the water had been flowing for a while and a giant glass elephant that spewed paralyzing, necrotic dust everywhere was rampaging through my fort, not allowing anyone to close the extraneous mineshafts to expedite Operation: Toilet.  Water finally hit the cavern about the same time the fricking elephant walked past the point where it could be flushed and killed the last dorfs in the fort.

My very first fort fell when a tantrumming dorf tossed the lever to the well's floodgate, drowning a child and a cat, leading to a tantrum spiral that killed everyone.
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Dunamisdeos

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7721 on: May 28, 2013, 02:35:27 am »

Always, always, always build a draining system into one's water supply =)
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downstroy

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7722 on: May 29, 2013, 03:24:08 am »

I was building a well for my hospital, it was very far from the river. So I made a cistern by closing the underground tunnels I had created to seek for ores. I made a one tile large branch on the river, and start flooding the tunnels.

I saw that I had forgot to wall an access that lead to stairs, ultimately flooding 3 Z-levels of mined ore/stone, leading me to experience what is called Special dwarf time relativity.
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WillowLuman

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7723 on: May 29, 2013, 04:07:57 pm »

I just got visited by an elf caravan. Their lead trader was named "Arile." Just one letter off...
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Drazinononda

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Re: Face Palm moments you had
« Reply #7724 on: May 29, 2013, 05:05:03 pm »

I just got visited by an elf caravan. Their lead trader was named "Arile." Just one letter off...

Abile? Qrile? Arise? I'm not getting it.
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