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[Loyal]

Dear Aban Panthercudgel, Marksdwarf.

Between the wonderful soapy bath you recently enjoyed, your nice bedroom, and the fine table you dined at recently, I don't know how a couple of flies could possibly spoil your mood so much that you register as Very Unhappy.

Nice name, by the way.

Hoping a fight with some trogdolytes will improve your mood (if it doesn't kill you),
~O.
Dear Mayor,
Cheetahs aren't native to this region, but if, to fulfill your mandate, you wish to punch out the teeth of the tamed cheetah the Elves brought us, I do not have the power to stop you.

Good luck with that,
~O.

[Eric Blank]

Dear Engravers of Tombworships.

Stop. Stop engraving the same damn historical event over and over again. We learn nothing from it the second time around, let alone the one-hundred-fifty-third.

The benign Overseer you work so hard to drive towards insanity.


Dear Udil Sarekudil.

I have noticed many of your engravings depict the birdwoman in entirely inappropriate mannerisms. notably, "The Sensual Tail" "The Organized Holes" and "The Fang of Romances." Now, I am an understanding individual and would never judge you based on your personal tastes, but these are personal, private tastes which you are making public. Not only that, but they're engraved in tombs, dining rooms, bedrooms, everywhere! A quarter of our population are children, and the next two quarters are weak-minded fools who are equally terrified at the sight of such things. This needs to stop immediately, before diplomats take notice and we get a reputation for being utterly insane!
Don't even make excuses about how Ozedenam was described to have been "utterly raped" by the Colossus. You shouldn't take things so literally.
If you persist, I may be forced to take action against you, and remove these engravings forcibly.

Your otherwise benign Overseer.

[Vonyx]

A plea to the inhabitants of the Mountainhome Egariden (Oldpaddled).

Please, if you feel the urge(mood) to make something special, I beg you please don't make any more cups, rings, figurines, earrings, toys or any other worthless shit like golden short swords ...

This fortress already contains 21/21 worthless pieces of worthless crap that really don't have any use besides taking up place.

Thank you.

[Deus Machina]

Dear goblins of The Blockaded Dungeon,
  Thank you for the two back-to-back ambushes that helped to test the effectiveness of Lightcities' entrance hall traps.
  Due to lack of material, the original layout was to have the 5 Urist wide hall begin with a row of traps of 3 to 5 copper spears, eleven rows checkerboarded with 3 copper or iron spears, alternating, then two rows of cage traps.
  I am happy to announce that your ambushes showed enough sense to not reach the cage traps. They got half and three quarters down the hall before deciding, and I quite Stubnos McShotInTheFace, "feck dis noiz", turned around, and got further minced up. Two actually made it back out the doors!
  In honor of those two, I'm updating the traps, pending material. It will go from checkerboard of 3 copper or iron spears before two rows of cages, to 4 rows of 5 copper-spear traps, 4 rows of 5 iron, 2 rows of 5 steel, then 2 rows of 10 masterwork steel spears.
  The open space on the other side of the hallway will be officially designated the 'Stubnos memorial observation theater'.

Looking forward to picking your armor and toes out of the traps next year,
-overseer of Lightcities.

[Endiqua]

I have noticed many of your engravings depict the birdwoman in entirely inappropriate mannerisms. notably, "The Sensual Tail" "The Organized Holes" and "The Fang of Romances."

   Oh my.

[Hitty40]

Dear Urist McCook,

I congratulate you on possibly one the most legendary acts of heroism in Dwarven history. While you were doing what you normally you, a titan has came to our fortress. While everyone was running towards the entrances and our militia was getting ready, you decided to take a Silver Warhammer and no armor, and beat the shit out of it. Knocked off his head in what archivists would call 'sailing in an arc', and then decided to overkill by splitting his lower body from his upper. You are an inspiration to everyone and for this, you will have a temple, engraved with pictures of food and flying body parts, and I will have our coffin maker make an Adamantine coffin, engraved all over with the story of how you killed one of the last few Titans of the world.

The overseer

[AWdeV]

Oi, you bastarding miners. CONTINUE DIGGING DOWN. WHEN YOU ARE AT -111 AND NEAR THE BOTTOM OF THE FIRST CAVERN TO ALLOW OTHERS TO GATHER SILK, PLEASE DO NOT GO BACK UP TO HARVEST PLANTS AND DO NOT PASS THE JOB ON TO A DIFFERENT MINER WHO IS AT -5 IN HIS BEDROOM. AAUGH.

[Saint]

Dear Urist Mcreallysad

Yes I know you are really really sad, but that's no excuse to die of dehydration you prick.

-frusterated god

Dear entire fortress

Stop fucking around and do stuff, you can take a break once the stone is cleaned out of the housing sector and we can actually put in beds and a dinning room.

[Eric Blank]

Dear multi-legendary masterwork steel-clad well-placed militia dwarves.

Stop Dieing. Do you realize there are only 3 of you left? 3. far more than half of you died after colliding with an obstacle. Namely the ground. 2 of you managed to do this from just 5 stories up. Truly an amazing feat. DO NOT ATTEMPT TO REPLICATE THIS INCIDENT. Oh wait, every last one of you did. Congratulations on surviving. True heroes. The first dwarves to EVER fall more than 1 story and survive.
The rest of you who died in this manner did so because you failed to acknowledge your orders, and instead of forming up either deep behind our walls or exactly where you're supposed to outside, you waited until the dodge-pit bridge was choked with enemy forces, then tried to engage them! Do you realize just how long it takes for enemies to get from the edges of the map to the dodge-pit bridge? I do. Your latency will not go unpunished, mainly because it already has been punished. You are dead.

Only half of you died in actual combat. And most of them? because they too ignored their orders and charged headlong into the enemy alone, half of that number did so because they conveniently drop their weapons after combat, for no reason, and thus decide it's a good idea to go pick them up, from right where the enemy stands. Or like Aban, the truest champion we had; neglected to attend swimming practice. Yes, there is a legitimate reason to fear water. That reason is the reason we decided to implement swimming training into your schedule.

I am constantly bombarded by stories from the mountain homes of legendary heroes that slaughter sieges single-handedly, whilst half as well equipped as you are, and with barely any more experience. And yet 30 of you have died from sheer incompetence! Are my orders not clear enough? "Stand here, only engage enemies here." Too hard for you? I simply CANNOT remove the dodge-pit trap. It's absolutely necessary considering how many of you perish in even 1 on 1 combat with inferiorly trained enemies. It is the only thing protecting us from those beasts! Their being 10-30 times your size and equipped with the occasional mithril item is NOT an excuse for such a high rate of failure!

Oh look; See that goblin ambush above you on the bridge? They're taking potshots at civilians and the ranger captain, and winning, because you decided to die today. You better pray there are hospital beds left open for you. The ranger captain has been killed by a trap. Dear Armok...

I'm pulling the levers.

Your sufficiently enraged overseer.

[AWdeV]

Having a mooder not picking up more stuff, I figured I'd need to go for silk in the caverns. Found the first cavern (first I found anyway) at -75, stretching down to -137 and it's HIDEOUSLY BORING. Normally when you explore more in a cavern it's "YOU'VE STRUCK THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND OOOH THIS IS SHINY, YOU STRUCK THAT TOO ETC". But NOW it's simply "you've struck cobaltite, garnierite and red spinel" on repeat. It's in gabbro. There's huuuge fields of webs laying around but it's not exactly easy to reach. The dwarf with the mood is at -2 and the first loom is next to him whereas the webs are at -135 and it isn't exactly a trip straight down either. AUGH.


And I ordered WAAAY too much leather from the caravan. The dwarf caravan is the only caravan. No elves, no humans, no goblins to be seen.

EDIT: AUGH. A web got fetched, processed to silk AND HE DIDN'T GRAB IT. BY GUM. This game is both boring and hideously frustrating. I'm gonna start a new fort elsewhere. Criminy coleslaw. 

[narhiril]

Having a mooder not picking up more stuff, I figured I'd need to go for silk in the caverns. Found the first cavern (first I found anyway) at -75, stretching down to -137 and it's HIDEOUSLY BORING. Normally when you explore more in a cavern it's "YOU'VE STRUCK THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS AND OOOH THIS IS SHINY, YOU STRUCK THAT TOO ETC". But NOW it's simply "you've struck cobaltite, garnierite and red spinel" on repeat. It's in gabbro. There's huuuge fields of webs laying around but it's not exactly easy to reach. The dwarf with the mood is at -2 and the first loom is next to him whereas the webs are at -135 and it isn't exactly a trip straight down either. AUGH.


And I ordered WAAAY too much leather from the caravan. The dwarf caravan is the only caravan. No elves, no humans, no goblins to be seen.

EDIT: AUGH. A web got fetched, processed to silk AND HE DIDN'T GRAB IT. BY GUM. This game is both boring and hideously frustrating. I'm gonna start a new fort elsewhere. Criminy coleslaw.

I modded silk to count as yarn for strange moods, at least until yarn is fixed.  That's probably what he wanted.

[Jakob]

Dear Urist.

Stop complaining about the lack of food and dig the damned kitchen out already.

or

Dear Urist.

Stop demanding admantine wafers for your project even though I have not even struck the first cavern yet.

[Dwarven WMD]

Dear Urist McPrice

Please learn which game you are in. There is no Predator Drone here to use, so stop telling your subordinates to use it. They cannot use it because they think you are telling them to use a PREDATOR. Not only is use impossible, but you are supposed to be fighting it. It is there to kill you, gentlemen, not for you to launch a missile, which we don't even have since our missile plans failed.

Horrified,

Shepherd



Dear Urist McPhilosopher

What the FUCK are you doing? You have been there for five years. FIVE YEARS. You haven't reported anything back. Nothing. Nada. Nol. Zip. Zero. None. Null. You have plenty of time to think, and plenty of funds from us. Do you know how much you cost? Do you know how much the supplies you take up cost? A lot more than the worth of what you've given me. Where is the work on the Missile Catapult? What about the Flight Program? Where are our rapid fire crossbows?
We are at war, you arse. We need weapons, but you don't seem to understand that. You're in a well-stocked bunker, too. Nothing short of an apocalyptic earthquake could hurt you. Think of something already!

Impatiently,

Urist McNixon

[Jiopaba]

Urist McMinerVader

Notice of Reassignment

Due to your recent actions as regards: Attempting to walk out through the magma forge channel on the inside of  the fort as opposed to walking around to use the front door and being temporarily immersed in shoulder-depth magma.

You have been reassigned from your previous role of: Sub-Legendary Miner

Your new role is that of: Swordsdwarf

Please return the following equipment: Copper Pick

Please see the quartermaster and retrieve the following equipment: Steel Armor, Full Set.  Adamantine Short Sword.

Please consider the following notes: You've got major burns over 92% of the surface of your body.  To be perfectly blunt, you're not very pleasing to look at any more.  The mayor has decided that you're going to be a swordsdwarf on the front lines once you get better.  Your new name working name will be McVader, which means "Foolhardy".  Whenever possible, try to keep your armor on, shiny black steel is much more pleasing to look at than blackened flesh which will never recover.  If you make it a few years without dying, we'll review your situation.  Maybe you can make a name for yourself?  Anything's possible.

- The Management

[m4davis]

Urist McMinerVader

Notice of Reassignment

Due to your recent actions as regards: Attempting to walk out through the magma forge channel on the inside of  the fort as opposed to walking around to use the front door and being temporarily immersed in shoulder-depth magma.

You have been reassigned from your previous role of: Sub-Legendary Miner

Your new role is that of: Swordsdwarf

Please return the following equipment: Copper Pick

Please see the quartermaster and retrieve the following equipment: Steel Armor, Full Set.  Adamantine Short Sword.

Please consider the following notes: You've got major burns over 92% of the surface of your body.  To be perfectly blunt, you're not very pleasing to look at any more.  The mayor has decided that you're going to be a swordsdwarf on the front lines once you get better.  Your new name working name will be McVader, which means "Foolhardy".  Whenever possible, try to keep your armor on, shiny black steel is much more pleasing to look at than blackened flesh which will never recover.  If you make it a few years without dying, we'll review your situation.  Maybe you can make a name for yourself?  Anything's possible.

- The Management

nice now make sure he has a son