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[DreamCarver]

Dear Urist McFarmer,

When planting seeds, is it really necessary to take the WHOLE BARREL with you?

Sincerely, your starving fortress.

This is my ultimate pet peeve in DF. There is not a single moment of unpaused gameplay where the cancellation messages cease.

[mek42]

Dear Urist McFarmer,

When planting seeds, is it really necessary to take the WHOLE BARREL with you?

Sincerely, your starving fortress.

This is my ultimate pet peeve in DF. There is not a single moment of unpaused gameplay where the cancellation messages cease.

I believe that Toady is trying to weed out those of us unworthy of playing DF with the new hauling container system.

[gabrek]

Dear Urist McCrispy,

I realize that you do not wish to be pecked at by our turkey gobbler. Leaping into the volcano though? Do you really feel that strongly about the "Overcrowding of Livestock at Embark Site, Wagon Perched on Rim of Volcano" issue that you'd make yourself a martyr over it?
I should have suspected something was amiss when you parked the wagon on the rim of the volcano.
This fortress did call for a "suicidally reckless" attitude, but you've taken it to extremes.

Ugh. I'd be less befuddled over this if it wasn't the first time the turkey would have pecked you, EVER. You saw it coming and just jumped right in.
...damn magma mist fried the turkey too, the bastard..
-gabrek McFacepalm

[Rakaneth]

Dwarven Mother,

I write this on your coffin to ask you this: what made your maternal instincts so strong that you would dehydrate yourself looking for your child? I specifically ordered the kitchen staff to place food and drink for the prison right in front of you, and they did. I checked. You couldn't see to your own basic needs before crying about your offspring? What remorse I might have felt for your death is somewhat assuaged by the lack of reports of your wailing about being unable to find it. Your child is now in better hands.

Baroness, who sentenced her to prison and thus started this mess:

You put her in prison for a season because she didn't make you any amulets. You realize that she was one of the best craftsdwarves we had? I am beginning to see why other outposts dispose of their nobility quickly.

Other Dwarves,

STOP HAVING CHILDREN ALREADY. I thought I set a strict policy on this, but I lapsed for a single day due to a holiday and suddenly, Dwarf sprogs EVERYWHERE. I can't even send my soldiers to train in the danger room because they are holding their children. You can keep your current children (they'll make wonderful recruits in a few years), but I am once again enforcing a no-child policy.

Regards,

Management

[escondida]

Dear Urist McCarpenter,

I understand that that was your best--your only, in fact--pair of shoes. And now they're wet. And I really am sorry. But you'll also note that your fellow settlers have been taking long shifts pumping the water right out from underneath your feet so you can build the wall that will stop the water flow *permanently* so everybody can finally move down to the sweet, cool stone below the aquifer. Now, are you going to stop constantly suspending construction on this project, or am I going to have to assign you to go wrangle that pride of lions that ate the turkeys?

Yours &c.,
The voice of reason

P.S.: I didn't hear you complaining about wet shoes while you were chopping down trees in the rain, you hypocrite.

[Pinstar]

Dear Urist McHunter

That Dingo that you just filled with 4 bolts that's very slowly limping away, stopping every few tics to either pass out or vomit? You don't need to stop hunting it just because you ran out of bolts. Just walk up and finish it with the butt of your crossbow...or just kick it a few times. I don't care. It isn't going to put up a fight. Finish what you started and bring its corpse back with you before you go refill on bolts.

[the1337doofus]

> lions that ate the turkeys

Why do you keep your turkeys outside? Or did the lions get into your fort?

[InfinityOrNone]

Dear Urist McGhost:

I fully understand that nobody wants to be forgotten. I also fully understand the anger you feel, what with no memorials to you being made and your body being left to rot in the sun and your death being caused by a bone carver punching your face into hamburger patty.

What I don't understand is why you murdered the dwarf in charge of engraving memorial slabs.

Regards,
Armok

[dresdor]

Dear Urist McGhost:

I fully understand that nobody wants to be forgotten. I also fully understand the anger you feel, what with no memorials to you being made and your body being left to rot in the sun and your death being caused by a bone carver punching your face into hamburger patty.

What I don't understand is why you murdered the dwarf in charge of engraving memorial slabs.

Regards,
Armok

Dear Armok,

I didn't like what he was planning on saying about me.  I want to be remembered for something good.

Sincerely,
Urist McGhost

[WillowLuman]

Dear Urist McGhost

Oh, that does it! I ne'er liked ye in life, and I don't like ye in death! When I come back from the grave, I'll kill you again! Also everyone else here!

Pissed, Urist McSlabcarver

[escondida]

> lions that ate the turkeys

Why do you keep your turkeys outside? Or did the lions get into your fort?

This happened very shortly after embark, before I had the picks and axe forged from the raw materials I brought. Inexplicably, I'd neglected to give the non-grazers temporary, one-sqaure pastures where the wagon used to be, so they were just running around.

[zlob]

Dear Neverrespect of Nobles community (nice name, eh? In dwarvish language it's Nanothrirnol Rithol),
when a crystal forgotten beast that spits webs rushes towards you, don't hesitate to run away.
Also, it would be nice if you cared for civilian alert, Urist McBaby, so I could raise the caverns bridge without sentencing you to death and pushing my legendary spearman into tantrum.
The other thing that I find inappropriate in your behaviour is charging at the aforementioned beast and trying to bash it, having quiver full of iron bolts.
Siege operators, please take a break when you have nothing to do, instead of when there is an urgent need to fire ballistae. It would help us all avoid death in future.
See you next reclaim
Yours sincerely
The Player

[the1337doofus]

Dear Pegasus Mcponi;

Get off
The damn
ROOF.
YOU HAVE WINGS
YOU CAN FLYYYYYYY
GET OFF THE ROOF

-OverColt Doof

[thoushaltcallmelars]

Dear Urist McImmigrant,

The useless children you insist on bringing here with you will be used to train medical dwarves. You have been warned.
Also, your damned unbutcherable pets will be caged and I will find a way to kill them. The macedwarves hunger.

 - Overseer Lars

[Gentlefish]

Dear Pegasus Mcponi;

Get off
The damn
ROOF.
YOU HAVE WINGS
YOU CAN FLYYYYYYY
GET OFF THE ROOF

-OverColt Doof

Dear Overcolt Doof,

I'm sorry, but I simply can't find a path off this roof. If you could add a ramp, that would be quite helpful in me finding a way off.