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[Aslandus]

Building a single wooden wall to stop unkillable eldrich abominations would be a little anticlimactic, so flood of hilarious clowns is all we get for endgame...

How many chunks would come off if you dropped a giant sperm whale from the highest sky-topping z level to the lowest floor of Hidden Fun Stuff?

[Nidilap]

It would explode into meat, with enough force to kill an entire fortress. Or, just, yknow, turns into a puddle of gore you can mealify.

Why don't my friends want to play Dwarf Fortress?

[jcochran]

Because they're sane and wish to remain so.

Why can a single pillar support an entire mountain?

[Nidilap]

Because real physics have not been implemented yet.

Why are wolves so weak?

[Mr.Mountain]

Because if the elves can cage wolves, anyone can bludgeon them with their own body parts. Seriously though, it's probably the same reason you can kill a duck without a problem. It doesn't have a predisposition to combat skills (such as megabeasts), but since it's hostile, it approaches you and proceeds to die.

I was looking over the legends, and I noticed that most temples are razed by the very civilization that created them. It's usually along the lines of:
In 157,The Axes of Violence created The Axe Temple in the Hills of Whatever
In 158, The Violent Creed was created in the Axe temple
In 158, the dwarf Urist McViolence ruled The Violent Creed from The Axe Temple in The Hills of Whatever
(several entries of shit being stolen by kobolds)
In 170, The Axes of Violence razed The Axe Temple

y dis hapen?

[Erils]

They realize their mistake in building temples not dedicated to Armok. This realization usually comes after a new, more worthy dwarf/human/goblin/elf comes into power, or when Armok offers them a choice. Those who don't convert are usually sent to a lovely circus filled with clowns, all willing to share their cotton candy with the stubborn dwarves/humans/goblins/elves.

[Knit tie]

Seeing as there is no question, I'll ask mine:

Why don't dwarves get cooked while near magma, only in it?

[Aslandus]

Dwarven body hair prevents hot air from touching the skin of the dwarf, however the liquid magma gets through to their non-heat-sensitive skin
How do 100 war bears fit in the same cage?

[Nico2167]

How do 100 war bears fit in the same cage?

Because they are bigger on the inside.

Why am I too lazy to begin a new fort, and when I finally do, I abandon it?

[klefenz]

Because there wasn't any sand.

Why do kobolds insist on stealing worthless dwarven crap?

[Erils]

It was either that or stealing from the elves and no-one would buy any of that.

Why don't dwarven ballista-operators count as military units? They always run instead of firing.

[Knit tie]

It's only military if you can whack people with your weapon. So crossbows = OK, ballistae = no good.

How can a kea steal an anvil?

[Mr Frog]

By picking it up with their talons and flying away.

Why don't vampires just shut up and drink booze if they crave it so damn much?

[Knit tie]

To never drink a liquid from a vessel for all eternity - such is the curse visited upon dwarves who have transgressed against gods, called vampires by the common folk. They do not even need blood, but suck it from their drunk victims nevertheless in hopes that it may still contain the sweet tang of alcohol.

Why do dwarven children never pick up all those dead people's clothes they claim for themselves?

[Bumber]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

By picking it up with their talons and flying away.

It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A 2 pound bird could not carry a 200 pound anvil!

Why do dwarven children never pick up all those dead people's clothes they claim for themselves?

They realize it's smelly and covered in blood and decide they don't want it anymore.

How does a dwarf know if an item is claimed? (I don't see your name on it, Urist!)