Chapter 66: Tentacle Monster Time
The Swedish Chef grins as he pulls out a jar of Mayo, and eats it instantly. He doesn't actually take it out of the jar, he swallows the jar hole.
"Pre-beatdown snack! Now you are finished! He flips his knife-and-spoon combo out again as he charges the large beast, letting out his viking scream. (5 vs. 4) He leaps at the Charger, and drives his knife straight through it's chest, while simultaneously whacking it across the face with his mighty spoon. The Chef leaps off, and the Charger staggers backwards, but steps forward again, still not out of the fight.
"HELP!" cries The Pastamancer as the Hunter tears into his back. Utilizing his quick wits, the wizard casts a spell. (4 vs. 1) The Hunter turns into a Pasta noodle. He gets up.
"Well, that was surprisingly easy." He then makes some Pasta Bandages. (5) He makes them, and puts them all over his back.
That's a lot better.Twilight Sparkle, still running, and sees the Jockey jump back upon
Al Capone. "Don't worry, I'll save you!" She charges the infected little man, and releases a magical blast of energy funneled out of her unicorn horn. (2 vs. 3) She misses and blows up the light-bulb of a street lamp.
"Dagoth Uthol, you take the lead for now. For House Dagoth!" Dagoth Ur commands his subordinates and calls upon Dagoth Ulen, the Snarky Ascended Sleeper! (1) Instead, he gets the
Zealot Guards! Meanwhile,
Dagoth Uthol distracts
The Tank! (5 vs. 3)
"Hey, you know who I tanked last night? YO' MAMMA'!" The beast roars and runs after the vampire, the distraction having played it's intended role.
You get off that man's back, Russian manrider! Or i'll shoot you, just like I did all of your friends! Despite the threats of
Simo Hayha, the Jockey continues to harass and ride
Al Capone. The Sniper decides to line up a shot on the Jockey, careful not to hit his gangster ally, and shoot him off. (4 vs. 3) With a clean shot, the Jockey is hit in the arm and launched off of Capone's back, hitting the ground!
"You don't know when to stay down boy!" Applejack pulled out her Spanish Hacha Axe, charged at the Jockey and hacked at it's exposed spine. (2 vs. 6) The nimble zombie jumps back and avoids the attack. (6 vs. 3) It pounces on the orange pony, and attacks her hat!
"Ah! Get this thing offa' me!"Big Macintosh eats a noodle.
Al Capone feels the Jockey get launched off of him, only to jump onto
Applejack immediately after. Knowing the pain that the Jockey would give to one's head, he ran up to the creature to finish it once and for all.
"Aye'! Get offa' her, I'mma beat yo' brains out!" (6 vs. 3) He grabbed the Jockey and pulled it's miniature body off of the horse. The mob boss threw it on the ground, and before the Infected gremlin could react he gave it a face full of brass knuckles. It fell to the ground, just in time for Al to take out his bat and start beating it over the head like he promised. After a few good whacks, he stopped.
"Dat's how we do it in Chi-town."Old Spice Guy sells Old Spice.
Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team surrounds the Spitter.
"Gon' den'!" (5 vs. 4) One of the officers shoots the Spitter in the face with a shotgun. It collapses, decapitated, in a pool of Spitter goo.
Automated Turret shoots
The Tank! (2 vs. 3) It shots fail to pierce the Infected's tough body layer.
Huge Meatball Monster (6) Holy Fuck.
Final Form! Flying Spaghetti Monster! It hovers over
The Tank, and shoots forth it's noodley appendages! (6+2 vs. 5) The Tank roars, but the noodles wrap around all of it's limbs and hold it firmly.
"Tank Zombie, you must first learn the true ways of the Spaghetti." The God and the Infected fly off into the sky, into the land where the stripper are clean, and the beer is cold.
Charger Charges
The Swedish Chef! (1 vs. 4) It runs into a wall! (3 vs. 2) Swedish Chef....kills it. I dunno, I'm tired guys. It's dead anyways. You guys win. Yay.
Victory!
Loots: Hoodie
.....That's it.
Rainbow Dash
Items: Dashie's Katana, Laurel Crown, L.C. Wintle's Lee Enfield, Whip, Surfboard, Sunglasses
Health: Ensnared
Twilight Sparkle
Items: The General's Oversized Machete Blade, Socially Acceptable Club Behavior (Part of the Official "How to: For Equestrians" Book Series)
Health: Fine
Pastamancer
Items: ASCII T-Shirt (Torn), Skiing Pants, Glass Balls, Merasmus's Bombinomicon & Staff of Wood-ness, Cortez's Chrome, Cyan Garamonde's Samurai/Light U.S. Armor, Sherlock Holmes's Hat, The Boss's Cell Phone, Mobile Turret Parts, "Bikini Inspector" T-Shirt, Pieces of Gurren Lagann,.
Health: Health: Fine
Applejack
Items: Lasso, Theodore Roosevelt's Chromes, The Boss's Fragmentation Grenades, Hacha Axe, Turkish Saber, Heavy Machine Gat
Health: Fine
Old Spice Stallion
Items: Towel, Old Spice (TM), Coconut, Bowie Knife
Health: Fine
Dagoth Ur
Items: Golden Mask, Loincloth, Ash Statue
Abilities: Summon Ash Cloud (3 Turns: 2 Turn Cooldown), Call Upon Minions (Once Per Battle: Used), A Present From House Dagoth, Telepathic Power Nap, Decorative "Mickey Mouse" Ears, The Holy Bible
Health: Fine
Al Capone
Items: Tommy Gat, Revolver, Pineapple Bombs, Molotov Cocktails, Brass Knuckles, Baseball Bat, AK47, Cursed Machete, Martini Glass with Tiny Umbrella
Health: Health: Head Cut & Punched by Small Hands
Big Macintosh
Items: Pony Gauntlets, Pony Armor, Armored Greaves, Bandana, Overpriced Souvenir, Straw Hat
Abilities: Apple Family Reunion (3 Turns: Ready!)
Health: Face Slashed
The Swedish Chef
Items: Knife, Viking Chestplate, Viking Helmet, Armored Boots, Spoon, Several Bowie Knives, TNT Sticks, Beer, Roland Deschain's Father's Guns, Dallas Cowboys Hat, Firebombs, Mayo (5 Jars),
Abilities: Summon Mr. Fox or Tom (Mr. Fox Available), Taking Too Much Time! (1 Turn: Ready!) Swedish FUS RO DAH (2 Turns: Ready!), Mayo Rush (Passive), Mayo Addiction (2 Turns: 2 Turns to Eat)
Health: Smashed Into Pavement
Simo Hayha
Items: Suomi 9mm SMG, Mosin Nagant Rifle, White Sniper Camouflage
Health: Fine
Elite Kingston S.W.A.T. Team
Items: MPSK Sub-machine Gats, Tactical Shotguns, Riot Shields, Tasers, Flashbangs, Smoke Grenades, 5 Pounds of Kush Herb
Health: Health: Sustained Casualties
Automated Turret
Items: Gatling Gat, Legs
Health: Fine
Dagoth Uthol: the Ash Vampire Who Isn't Allowed On Red Mountain After That One Party And Is Instead Confined To Kogoruhn, The Place We Used To Hang Out Way Back When But Don't Anymore
Items:
Health: Fine
Zealot Guards
Items: Spears, Swords
Health: 50/50 Members
Author
Topic: Roll to Dodge Princess Celestia, Act II [Actually Done This Time: R.I.P] (Read 322302 times)