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Author Topic: You want me to kill WHAT?  (Read 1902 times)

Kagus

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You want me to kill WHAT?
« on: March 17, 2010, 04:02:11 pm »
So I was wandering around with my 7+ shields legendary wrestler human hammerman (with an exceptional iron maul, decorated with superior-quality donkey bone), when I decided to give a little direction to my life and become a mercenary.

I hop on over to one of the few villages that won't attack me on sight, and asked the friendly mayor/pikeman if he had any delightful tasks for me.

That's when he said this:


Okay, so...  You're being tormented by a child...  A human child, right?  I didn't just mishear you mention a dragon hatchling or a young titan or something?  Huh.  Alright then, guess I'll be off...  Back in a tic.


Sure enough, after wandering around the city of Hollowhomes for a while, I happen upon the child who is cowering in his home.  I smear his entrails across the walls and go back for my pat on the back.


Later, I checked the legends screen to see what atrocities this kid had committed.  After a bit of investigation, it appeared that his only infraction was being born.

Was I just used for a terrorist attack?  If so, I daresay it worked...  Half the population up and left after that killing spree was over.
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LordSlowpoke

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #1 on: March 17, 2010, 04:07:32 pm »
Welcome to Dwarf Fortress, where adventurers are used to kill the civ leader's grudge's kid.
You may now proceed to take the child's corpse and sacrifice it to Armok.
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Diablous

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #2 on: March 17, 2010, 04:10:40 pm »
You've killed a kid who did nothing. This is just another day here.
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Kagus

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #3 on: March 17, 2010, 04:14:59 pm »
Funny that I'm only now being welcomed to DF, after 2 years+ of being here...

It just seems strange to me that this kid was selected as an evil aggressor against their civilization who needed to be brought down...  They could have picked some war criminal who had slain many of their brave soldiers in horrifyingly grotesque ways, but this was just some random kid.  His dad was a farmer (I ended up killing him while looking around town for the kid) and his mom was a weaver or something.  Nobody had anything to do with the other civ.

Heck, my next task actually made more sense.  I was ordered to hunt down and slay an elven recruit of the same civ (the elves no longer exist as their own society on this map, they've been utterly conquered by the humans).  Sure, he was just a recruit, but there was at least a chance that he'd been in a war and killed someone important...


Ah well.  I'd already killed the important people in Hollowhomes before looking for a job, so I guess they just didn't have anyone else for me to go after.
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LordSlowpoke

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #4 on: March 17, 2010, 04:20:32 pm »
You're seeking sense.
In Dwarf Fortress.
This is why I welcomed you. You certainly aren't here for long enough to know how it really works.
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Grakelin

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #5 on: March 17, 2010, 05:48:21 pm »
Considering the village elder usually wants you to kill Anthrax the Boldening Climax of Chewing the Cyclops, this really is a bit strange.

I only wish they would give me easy quests like this.
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Skorpion

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #6 on: March 17, 2010, 05:59:14 pm »
Well, y'know, I've been sent to kill maimed dogs, and horses. So that's not so strange.
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Akura

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #7 on: March 17, 2010, 08:31:51 pm »
Quote from: Skorpion on March 17, 2010, 05:59:14 pm
Well, y'know, I've been sent to kill maimed dogs, and horses. So that's not so strange.

In that case, you're just putting a lame animal out of its misery.

This kid, you sure he didn't steal candy or something? Maybe the village leader owes child support to his mother or something, who knows?

And pikeman? He's an axe lord.
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Kagus

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #8 on: March 17, 2010, 08:41:46 pm »
Quote from: Akura on March 17, 2010, 08:31:51 pm
And pikeman? He's an axe lord.

I wasn't really paying attention...  I remember running into some pikeman or another down the line, must've gotten them mixed up.

But I feel better now that you've corrected me incorrectly.  He's a hammer lord.
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The_Kakaze

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #9 on: March 18, 2010, 12:41:45 am »
You should kill this man for ordering to get you to kill a child.  He's obviously a psycho.  You might have found the DF equivalent of Hitler or something.
Though I guess you were the one who did the murdering...  hmm...
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DaJonkel

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #10 on: March 18, 2010, 04:46:00 am »
Maybe that boy was The Seeker (TM)?
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Caesar

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #11 on: March 18, 2010, 04:48:47 pm »
Quote from: The_Kakaze on March 18, 2010, 12:41:45 am
You should kill this man for ordering to get you to kill a child.  He's obviously a psycho.  You might have found the DF equivalent of Hitler or something.
Though I guess you were the one who did the murdering...  hmm...

A nice dilemma;

Who's the one bearing the guilt;

The assassin, or the one who ordered someone to be assassinated?
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The Mad Engineer

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #12 on: March 18, 2010, 10:16:16 pm »
It is time to become a noir adventurer, walking through the dark fortress streets as the rain pours down on your pigtail hat, pondering morality, decay, and constantly wondering if you did the right thing, killing a child for the corrupt fatcat who managed to muscle himself to the top of the garbage pile.  Then, after drinking away your sorrows, take on the one final job that will get you access to the hammerlord, bypassing his hired goons.  Finally, corner him on the temple rooftop during a storm, having destroyed his empire in your blind and questionable quest for justice.  His weapon shattered, he taunts you, asking for  you to kill him, saying that you have become like him, and that he is proud of you, his surrogate son.  You raise your weapon, and then turn away, walking slowly from the once great man.

"You're not worth the +lead crossbow bolt+", you mutter, dissappearing into the night.
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Ze Spy

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #13 on: March 20, 2010, 06:47:01 am »
i will just kill him on sight

wait , ain't we all sadists?
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Legendary_Catsmith

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Re: You want me to kill WHAT?
« Reply #14 on: March 22, 2010, 11:05:09 am »
This child was quite obviously the mayor's illegitemate love-baby.
You were just used to ice the kid so the mayor can ascend to a higher office one day.

How does it feel to be the scum of the earth?  ;D
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