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Author Topic: Re: Dungeons & Dragons / PNP games thread: COBRA!!!  (Read 849219 times)

Neonivek

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Ok I am reading an adventure path (Look, I still want to DM... >_>) and one section in particular is so perplexing to me.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Harry Baldman

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Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Spoiler: Spoiler: Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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highmax28

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Finally, in this war my party is in, we found the part of it that my character joined up for: The Order of Leon. And not just any one of them, A FUCKING HIGH INQUISITOR.

For context, the Order of Leon are a group that are crusaders that kinda murder everything that isn't on their side, human or both. They ended up killing my character's family (backstory) and since then, he's hated them.

This High Inquisitor is one of the higher ranks that are up there before you start getting to the world renown enemies. They're so strong and respected, that in an entire fort where its mostly engineers, a leader with a special crossbow and the Inquisitor himself, when we took out the inquisitor, EVERYONE SURRENDERED.

To sort of set the stage, we walk up, and my buddy uses this book to murder people (its not instant, but its mortifying) if they fail a really easy save (its an artifact he found earlier that he wasn't supposed to be in control of). The two guards who are blocking our path say "why don't we just kill you so we can go about our business?", which my barbarian responds by saying "Dakur, grow!", which makes him cast enlarge person, and I proceeded to PICK UP SAID DWARF GUARD AND BEAT THE OTHER GUARD WITH HIM. I apparently beat him so badly that when I tossed him to the side after killing his buddy, he was too weak and broken to get back up and fight (when they surrendered, we forgot to heal him. Gotta do that next session). We walked inside, and a human (who's armor and crests I can't see) and a dwarf with a big ass crossbow show up and tell us to, quite literally, f*** off or we're gonna have a bad time.

Now, more context, the DM likes to bring things that deviate from the norm. One of these things is that everyone, at some point, will have a solo fight to test their skills (the people left, me, the  DM and the rape druid) are really good at playing, so we're up for the challenge. When discerning what my fight was gonna be, I showed my buddy Undertale, and he decided that my fight is going to be like a very hard boss found in the genocide run who rewards your sadism with sadism done unto you. Why? I have the tendency to use my character's ability to bite enemies (I'm a longtooth shifter after all). I also managed to beat other dwarves before by either throwing them, ripping them apart, snapping their necks or using them as bludgeoning weapons.

So when my DM says the words "turn around and leave or you're gonna have a bad time" I freaked out; this may very well be my solo fight. It wasn't, but oh good god I am so happy it wasn't. I managed, due to some interesting turns of events, managed to do so much damage that every round seemed like I was gonna end him. First I threw my javelin of lightning at him, because I saw him and attacked him because of his affiliation with the order, and I fought him single handedly by doing 50+ damage almost every round (we're level 5 in 5e). And then he got his turn and he rekt me. 49 damage with 10 taken off for resistance (rest of it was radiant because he's a paladin and has smite). I then dealt 80 damage to him (DM added a system thats like the skills in FE but they're badges you equip. You can equip I beleive your proficency -1, so we had two. My two had me deal an extra 1d6 lightning damage every swing of my weapon and on a 19-20, add the damage I took from the last hit I received and deal that back in force damage (doesn't help a barbarian that halves the three most common types of damage, but it helped here).

And then he drops me after that down to -16, which is 2 away from my con score (aka almost dead-dead). The party wizard (who was controlled by me, RP'd by the DM) then helps with dealing with the inquisitor after hte bard (DM controlled PC) healed me to 4, saying that my barbarian had his chance to prove himself, its now time to work as a team, and he magic missiles the inquisitor while the druid heals me up to 30. Due to droppiing to such a low amount with so much damage, my DM said I lost fingers. How many on one hand? 6 apparnetly, so I lost my whole hand. I proceeded to beat the shit out of him, activating rage again, and dealing 50 damage and intimidating him enough to give him disadvantage on attacks against me. He misses me with one swing and then hits with the second one, not doing as much as it should, and then he takes another magic missile and knocking him to critical condition where he drops and takes a knee due to how hurt he was, saying how tihs isn't how he dies, ripping off his badge which stopped him from critting (it apparently was designed when I kept using a die i'm pretty sure it rigged that keeps rolling crits, because when you roll a crit, you roll another d20 and if you crit that roll, you deal x5 or some big ass multiplier in damage. Otherwise, its just a normal hit).

So on my turn, I proceeded to bite him three times, which he died on the first, but my barb kept hitting him and hitting him over and over, screaming like the wildman he was. The dwarven garrison surrendered immediatley and their leader dropped his weapon as I turned the inquisitor's head to a bloody pulp.

For the next ten minutes of chat between the rape druid and the leader, who surrenders and defects to our side after seeing us decimate a High Inquisitor and the party psychopath sitting on the dead body with teeth marks and a pulped head, blood coming down from his fist and his stump that was once his hand and his teeth as he returns from shifted form to normal form, with his rage just leaves his body, but the adrenaline paralyzes him, looking more like a murderer who just got a buzzkill from his slaughter.

Pretty much had this in my head as this scene played out:

By the way, that was ten minutes of REAL talk, not ten minutes passing in game, so I had to force myself to not say a word and just breathe heavily as things went on. My guy gets back up after the druid casts greater restoration (he has a magic item that lets him cast it once per day) to return my hand, which, in character, he didn't notice was gone until then.

After some talk, we paid the siege engineers to defect to our side, who agree on the condition that they will if their families are for sure seen as safe. We also just discovered that all of the dwarves we released during this war to spread word of our coming never made it across the bridge because of this golem we dealt with being there, killing EVERYONE. We ended up splitting up the party to make sure the families were taken out of the towns we were going to before we invaded.

This was definitely the biggest moment where my barb realizes that he can't do everything alone, and he'll start to see that more often. Oh, and he's got more stuff he's wearing that's pretty much bastardized Order of Leon gear with an insignia that shows who my character is.

Overall, good session, its pretty terrifying though we're fighting bosses now with 200+hp though
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just shot him with a balistic arrow, i think he will get stuned from that >.>

"Guardian" and Sigfriend Of Necrothreat
Jee wilikers, I think Highmax is near invulnerable, must have been dunked in the river styx like achilles was.
Just make sure he wears a boot.

SOLDIER First

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do I wanna know why he's called the rape Druid
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Black lives matter.

TheBiggerFish

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do I wanna know why he's called the rape Druid
Somehow I doubt it.
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Sigtext

It has been determined that Trump is an average unladen swallow travelling northbound at his maximum sustainable speed of -3 Obama-cubits per second in the middle of a class 3 hurricane.

Neonivek

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do I wanna know why he's called the rape Druid
Somehow I doubt it.

Pretty much. There are only two real answers.
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Jimmy

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Druids do it like animals.
Rogues do it from behind.
Clerics do it on their knees.
Sorcerers do it spontaneously.
Rangers do it with their pets.
Monks do it with their fists.
Paladins vow never to do it.
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TheBiggerFish

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Dude.  Ew.
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Sigtext

It has been determined that Trump is an average unladen swallow travelling northbound at his maximum sustainable speed of -3 Obama-cubits per second in the middle of a class 3 hurricane.

SOLDIER First

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  • Trans fucking rights, baby.
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[becomes rogue-sorcerer-cleric]
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Black lives matter.

highmax28

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Druids do it like animals.
Rogues do it from behind.
Clerics do it on their knees.
Sorcerers do it spontaneously.
Rangers do it with their pets.
Monks do it with their fists.
Paladins vow never to do it.
I love this

do I wanna know why he's called the rape Druid
Somehow I doubt it.

Pretty much. There are only two real answers.
I said this in an earlier post, but I'll give you the deeds he's done since he last post as well. He has the tendency to distract enemies by making out with them or groping them (or both). One time a guy got charmed and he just kept going at it until the group fighter kills the guy to "put him out of his misery" (because no one wants to be forced to do stuff like that via charm spell and then be forced to remember that you just unwillingly got raped by a rock man). He also has publicly masturbated, caressed a dwarf who was crying because he had his arm torn off (thanks to my barbarian) while whispering into his ear "shhhhh... It's gonna be ok" (and the player made it sound like a psychopath said it), and tearing off his clothes and rolling around in snow in the middle of a captured fort while the prisoners were watching (he thought he was on fire).

Needless to say, he definitely fits the idea of a Druid who has no social knowledge and has lived in a cave for most of his life.

When you have the rape-Druid and the brutal and bloody barbarian, you get some banter between them that makes the DM say they're like an old couple. But with the two of them, they surprisingly manage to deal with most encounters without the DM character's help. We took out an entire fort with stealth by me acting like a bumbling idiot and killing them silently in a smoke cloud from an eversmoking bottle while the Druid kept the leader and the Mage distracted
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just shot him with a balistic arrow, i think he will get stuned from that >.>

"Guardian" and Sigfriend Of Necrothreat
Jee wilikers, I think Highmax is near invulnerable, must have been dunked in the river styx like achilles was.
Just make sure he wears a boot.

SOLDIER First

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c
can I marry the Druid
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Black lives matter.

GiglameshDespair

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No, he is both fictional and a rapist.
Not really marriage material.
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You fool. Don't you understand?
No one wishes to go on...

TheBiggerFish

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I agree with GiglameshDespair.
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Sigtext

It has been determined that Trump is an average unladen swallow travelling northbound at his maximum sustainable speed of -3 Obama-cubits per second in the middle of a class 3 hurricane.

SOLDIER First

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if I marry him he has to stop being a rapist
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Black lives matter.

Arx

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    • Art!

I don't think you understand how marriage works.
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I am on Discord as Arx#2415.
Hail to the mind of man! / Fire in the sky
I've been waiting for you / On this day we die.
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