A world apart in both logic and function,
where every attempt at success is met with dysfunction,
this land, full of pain and agony,
where all players are in constant antagony.
Humans bleed wounds yet feel it not,
where many attacks are for aught,
with a fixation on strangeness galore,
yet I simply can't wait for more.
Oh, where else should one go for fetching
Objects of power, even Korean Screeching?
With them in hands, who could not gloat
about their bulletproof, lunar Trenchcoat,
or that they weren't the one,
who couldn't hold a candle
with their pois'nous bronze Longsword Without a Handle?
For that is the fun.
(the rest of this was in only one cell in the table)
One man's own Controlling Tower Shield,
to which even Gungauntlets would soon yield,
would protect from nearly all harms;
but Shotguns Duct-taped To His Arms!
then made him drop his guard.
he soon died to the vows
of one with High School Massive Eyebrows.
He was, truly, a card.
Some people get their luck as a flood;
Filled with Hard-To-Kill Lizardman Blood
was a Guy With Way Too Many Guns
fighting only men with but one Sun's
Flower of color Pink
made of Agate, precious stone
mixed with Ivory, a treasure unfound
In this grandeur time sink.
Oh, no sense permeates this ritual,
born from Wwolin's generation fall.
Paper burned, the Loot Dimension lost,
and we still feel the same, eternal cost.
Gen'rators will still come,
Leading men to sin
for Loot only, by those trapped within
This game of zero sum.
Looter's Delight: A Haiku
Murder kill maim screech
Loot steal plunder win triumph
Death failure lose end
"Excellent work, the lot of you.""I think Blue and Grimmy's poems distinguish themselves more, however. Blue's poem... you somehow managed to tap into a loot generator off in another dimension and get it to provide you with material. But you, Mr. Zombie... you summarize this game so well in so few words. The essence of this game is trapped within your haiku.""In the end, there can only be one winner. I'll admit it's a bit of a toss up." Null reached into his pocket and tossed a coin from it in the air. Null caught the coin and examined it. Grimmy's face.
"It looks like the resident zombie is our winner! I'll supply you with the prize as soon as you come back to life.""Our runner-up is Blue. Tell you what, if you survive to turn 45, I'll throw you the consolation prize of a Mulligan Medallion, for when you want to reroll a loot and take the extra trouble to throw it in the pit. Good luck!"~~~
Turn 43: The Blood of RasputinINIT:
OceanSoul/THE AMAZING BLUE(13-20=-7)
NAV/Dave Blade(5)
Person/Raphael(96)
Coolrune206/Frank(63)
Posessed Manticore(3)
Dancing Grape Golem(43)
GigaGiant/Capko Eagleson(31)
Yottawhat/Willam A. Drango(91)
Dark Wizard(47)
Dave Blade seemed frozen in time, if not literally, so
Raphael decided to do his job for him.
Kill Blue with the Katana damn it!
Katana!(1, 6, 5 = 5) vs. Dodge!(5-1=4)
Raphael unleashed a shout of rage and yanked his katana right out of Blue's arm.
Katana!(4+1=5) vs. Resist!(4-2=2)
The arm was unusable before Raphael removed the katana from it, and it was even more unusable after Raphael removed the katana from it. Because it was gone.
Perhaps
William A. Drango would have better luck.
Huh.
Move away from the whirling corpse and take a shot at Blue with my longbow.
The corpse was busy moving away from him, so William took his shot.
Arrow!(5, 5, 3 = 5) vs. Dodge!(5-1=4)
Blue saw the arrow coming, tried to dodge, but was nicked by the arrow, barely.
Affinity!(2)
A speck of power came out of the arrow. Blue noticed that the stump of his arm, nicked by the arrow, hurt slightly less.
Frank had fusion on his mind.
Frank nods thoughtfully at the announcement, ignoring the spinny corpse of un-death.
He then tries to remember how to combine items (because he hasn't been paying attention very well), and combines them on the spot if he can; if not, he heads to the location he has to be at to do that thing.
Frank posed in a thoughtful manner, and recalled how to fuse items.
Memory!(No, I'm not that cruel)
Ah. All he needed to do was toss a number of loot items into the Pit of Fusion equal to the Tier number of the loot he wanted to create, however, all the loot he needed to sacrifice needed to have a Tier number of one less than the loot he wanted to create. Alternatively, he could sacrifice a single item of any Tier to heal himself fully.
Frank was in the Center Circle, and could easily access the Pit if he wanted to... but there was a problem.
He had two Tier 2 loot and one Tier 1 loot. If he had one more Tier 1 loot, he could make a Tier 2 loot, or if he had one more Tier 2 loot, he could make a Tier 3 loot, but as he was, he didn't have enough loot to fuse. He would have to kill somebody and take their loot. Or... trade?
Or kill the Manticore, which was a boss and would probably provide loot when killed.
The
Dark Wizard was getting irritated about his non-functional magic.
Kill this fool already!
Affinity!(6)
A massive ball of dark energy formed in his hand, and with a shout, he lobbed it at Capko!
Accuracy!(5) vs. Dodge!(5)
The aim of the explosive dark sphere was dead-on, but Capko threw himself out of the way with ease.
The Dark Wizard cursed as he noticed his magical reserves weaken from overstrain...
The
Dancing Grape Golem would do better than his master's other allies!
Death to Blue!
Katana!(5, 1 = 5) vs. Dodge!(6-1=5)
Despite Blue's limp, and the pain from his missing arm, he somehow managed to evade the golem's accurate sword strike.
Capko Eagleson wanted that hat.
Kick the Wizard in the stomach, then steal his hat and get out of there.
Kick To The Stomach!(5) vs. Dodge!(4)
The Dark Wizard tried to get out of the way, but got a kick to the stomach for his troubles.
Kick!(3+1(allowed to remain because I don't want to actually change things with a retcon)=4) vs. Resist!(1)
The wind went out of the Dark Wizard, and Capko grabbed the Wizard's hat and ran off, climbing out of the Wizard's pit.
Dave Blade realized it was up to him to stop Blue from not dying.
"Is everyone I try to kill related to Rasputin?"
Get that bolo and stop it from falling in the pit. Then chop at Blue's good hand with my hatchet and do everything I can to obtain his chainsaw.
"Sorry, I don't do poetry."
Sprint!(5) vs. Sprint!(4-1=3)
Dave Blade dashed off to the pit, grabbing the bolo. Blue followed, much more slowly, anger on his face.
Hatchet!(4) vs. Dodge!(2-1=1)
Dave Blade swung his hatchet, biting into Blue's remaining hand.
Hatchet!(4) vs. Resist!(4)
Dave Blade realized Blue was grabbing the hatchet blade. His hand was hurt, but only slightly.
Willpower!(1)
Blue winced as his ears filled with rather loud classical music that nobody else could hear.
THE AMAZING BLUE...
This may be my swan song, so I'll just limp over to knock the bolo in the pit, reciting the poem. Looter's Delight is a game of random generation, so the poem should involve that, too. I'll use [
The bolo was in Dave Blade's hands. It could not stay there. What could be done?
Bolo, Pit!(5) vs. Dodge!(6)
In a burst of motion, Blue reached out with his good hand, and almost grabbed the bolo from Blade's mocking hands.
Critical Fail!(3)
Dave blade laughed as he got out of the way... then noticed that he had dropped the bolo. It lay on the ground. If Blue could kick it into the pit, he would be healed. If he could not, he would die of blood loss. It was time to live or die for Blue.
Meanwhile, the
Possessed Manticore tried to take down Grimmy's corpse...
Take it down already!
Accept Friend Cloak as my lord and savior... Then use my superior RAGE/willpower to use its possessive connection to me to possess it (Friend Cloak), rather than the other way around.
RAGE FROM THE GRAVE!(1)
Grimmy span and span... and span right towards the pit. The Friend Cloak mentally cursed, and urged the Manticore to stop Grimmy from falling into the pit.
Intercept!(1)
The Manticore rushed forwards... and hit Grimmy, pushing him towards the pit.
Luck!(1)
Grimmy careened into the pit, not the little one, the big one for fusing loot, and plummeted into it. Welp.
"What a failure, folks! I think I'm going to commemorate that..."A black vial filled with black liquid popped into existence in Null's hands.
"Well, that's just ridiculous. The generator specifically removed the part of this loot that commemorated this event. Well, you can have it, then."Null tossed the vial onto the ground and vanished.
~~~
"Is everyone I try to kill related to Rasputin?"
After saying
"yes."~~~
Statuses:
Health: Fine
Tier 1 Items: Law Brass Knuckles, Music Note Engraved Hatchet
Tier 2 Items: Mysterious Ugly Pendant, Mysterious Hephaestus Ring, Vomit Frog Shotgun(0/2 shots)+Bag of Shells, Dancing Grape Golem(wielding wood clubs and Grape Juice Coated Katana(non-loot)) Wand of Hearts and Horseshoes
Location: Center Circle
MY HEALTH STATUS: PAINFUL BURNED AND SLASHED RIBS(-2 TO CHEST DAMAGE RESIST, OH NO!, BLEEDOUT IN 1 TURN, -1 TO WILLPOWER FROM PAIN), EXTREME HAM(ACT OUT ALL THE HAM, TAKE HAM ACTIONS, SUCH HAM! HAAAAM!!!), LIMP(-20 TO INIT, SLOW MOVEMENT, -1 TO DODGE), MISSING ARM(BADASS! BUT NO LONGER USABLE), ANNOYING CLASSICAL SOUNDTRACK(50% CHANCE OF -2 TO ANY PASSIVE CONSCIOUS ACTION, NEXT THREE TURNS), SLIGHTLY CUT HAND
ANNOYING BUT STILL EPIC TIER 1 LOOT: MYSTERIOUS BOLO OF EXTREME MYSTERIOUSNESS(KICK IT INTO THE PIT!)
DEFINITELY EPIC TIER 2 LOOT: SUPER AWESOME CHAINSAW OF MUSICAL MYSTERIOUSNESS, NO LONGER MYSTERIOUS EARTHY INTRICATELY INSCRIBED FURRY FOX PAW BOOTS OF MYSTERIOUS AWESOME(ONE OF THEM GASHED)(I'M WEARING THEM!)
WHERE I AM: CENTER OF MAP
Health: Fine, Small Cut On Arm(-1 to left arm damage resist)
Tier 0 Items: Katana(non-loot)(stuck in Blue's missing arm)
Tier 1 Items: Controllable Red Scarf,
Tier 2 Items: Mysterious Disintegrating Tundra Crystal Orb, Mysterious Trumpet
Location: Center Circle
Health: Fine
Tier 1 Items: Empty Potions Belt(white potion(drunk), orange-pink potion(drunk), gold potion(drunk))
Tier 2 Items: Malfunctioning(each time used, roll a malfunction die) Damaged(-1 to crossbow damage resist) Artistic Electrical Crossbow+Quiver of Bolts, Mysterious Chalice of Acid and Mystery
Location: Center Circle
Health: Fine, Friended, Irritated
Tier 2 Items: Friend Damaged Shifting Gauntlet(-1 to damage resist)(wrapped around foot)
Location: Center Circle
Health: Fine
Tier 0 Items: Dark Wizard's Hat(??, counts as Tier 1 for loot fusion)
Tier 1 Items: Mysterious Chicken Dinner in Paper Sack(chicken crumbs, empty styrofoam cup of mashed potatoes, empty styrofoam cup of gravy, plastic cutlery, a paper plate)
Location: South Plains, Outside Dark Wizard's Lair
Health: Depleted Dark Energy(cannot cast next turn), Winded(willpower to act without a -2 penalty next two turns, disadvantage on INIT next two turns)
Tier 0 Items: Robe
Location: South Plains, Dark Wizard's Lair
Health: Fine
Tier 1 Items: Gold Pocket Watch of Gold Transformation(1 turn cooldown)
Tier 2 Items: Slightly Damaged(50% of -1 to damage resist) Healing Russian Longbow+Quiver of Arrows
Location: Center Circle
If you notice any mistakes(especially with the statuses), please let me know. This also applies if you have any tips for improving my writing.
Author
Topic: Fallacy's Looter's Delight 2! (7/7). Turn 56: Too Splendid (Read 69537 times)