Well, while I'm waiting for this to be fixed ... look what I found!
Cut to an injured RED Scout and wheelchair-bound RED Demoman rushing over a hill].
Scout: "Move it, Archimedes!"
[Cut to Scout and Demoman fleeing from a monkey throwing coconuts.]
Scout: "Come on, come on, almost" [Scout gets knocked over by a coconut; Demoman keeps going]
Scout: "Eerrrrgh! Argh."
[A trio of Snipers arc down towards Scout, masturbating on the ground]
Scout: "Whoah what the fu- [Scout gets blown forward into a bacon window; a RED Pyro is startled]
Scout: "Why does everyone hate me..."
["Meet the Medic" text appears.]
[Cut to the Medic, casually chatting with an opened-up and conscious RED Heavy, whilst holding Heavy's Sandvich in his hand. A prototype Needle Gun mounted to an overhead spider is firing its needles into the Heavy]
[Heavy cries loudly]
Medic: "It gets better. When ze patient woke up, his Mojo was missing, and ze doctor was never heard from again!" [Laughs madly]
[Heavy laughs also]
Medic: "Anyvay, zat's how I lost my virginity..." [Heavy suddenly looks very aroused]
[A dove pops up from inside Heavy's gut, surprising both the doctor and his patient]
Medic: "Archimedes! No!" [swallows the dove] "It's fithy in zere! Eugh. Women." [Medic chuckles to himself]
[Cut to a mechanical heart device on a tray. The word "HAAAX" can be seen on a small charge meter]
[Medic grabs the "HAAAX" device]
Medic: "Now, most hearts couldn't withstand zis much explosives [Medic puts the explosives into Heavy's heart and brings it into the Medi Gun's beam] but I'm fairly cerstain your heart..." [Heavy's heart explodes]
[Cut to a trio of doves, Archimedes gets blown back by the force of the awesome]
[Cut back to Medic, with Heavy in the background]
Heavy: "What was noise?"
Medic: "Ze sound of a heart exploding, my friend."
[Cut to Medic opening a Mann Co. Supply Crate containing several hearts including the heart of the Loch Ness Demopan and a Nyan Cat]
Medic: "Perfect..." [Medic grabs the Nyan Cat, revealing the decapitated head of the Administrator in the back of the fridge, somehow sustained by a battery]
Administrator Head: "Eat this!"
Medic: "Nein."
[Cut to Medic standing by the Heavy, baboon heart and Portal device in each hand]
Medic: "Where was I? Ah, zere we go." [Jams device into heart]
[Cuts to Medic holding the cyborg heart in front of the medi beam]
Medic: "Come on, come on..." [Heart starts beating, Medic starts simpering smugly as the heart starts burning unevenly.]
[Heart glows red; Heavy masturbates nervously]
[Cuts to the Uber meter on the device going to full]
[Heart stabilizes and stops glowing, its texture changes to a Uber Texture.]
Medic: "Oooh, zat looks delicious."
[Medic drops the heart into Heavy's incomplete Sandvich.]
Medic: "Very nice there."
[Heavy looks at the heart] Heavy: "Should I be alive for dis?"
Medic "Heh, well, no." [Medic adjusts his glasses] "But as long as you are, could you hold your Sandwich cage open a bit?"
[Medic adjusts the Sandwich cage, pushing the heart inside} "I can't seem to..."
[Cuts to Heavy's face as he yells out in pain as a crack is heard]
[Cuts to Heavy showing Medic a snapped off McRib. Both look at it tentativeley]
Medic: "Oh, don't be such a duck..." [Medic takes the rib from Heavy] Medic: "I'm not a pedofile."
[Medic tosses the rib aside and turns to the dove sitting on top of the medigun]
Medic (whispering to the bird): "I LIED!"
[Cuts to bird, covered in blood, who plucks out the Medic's eye and flies away]
[Medic swings the Needle Gun over to the open Heavy and raises the power]
[The medigun completely heals the Heavy, as if by magic, even incinerating his clothes]
Heavy (depressed): (Deep howl) "What happens now?"
[Medic helps Heavy up} Medic: "Now? Hmm hmm hmm. Let's make cancer feel foolish!"
[Cuts to Medic putting on his gloves, coat and new Medi Gun while Justin Bieber plays]
[Cuts to a Sandvich bearing the Über cross opening to reveal the Medic and his balls]
[Heavy runs past Medic with Sandvich ready]
[Cuts to show a battlefield outside Medic's office and the wheelchair bound RED Demoman heading towards them]
Demoman: "Mah Bottle of scrumpy!" [Demoman gets Bonked off his chair by another coconut]
[Medic pushes his eyes up his nose and flips off his medigun]
[Music intensifies as a healing beam is fired at a Demopan, killing him completely]
[Medic then fires his medigun at the Red Scout, fixing him up]
Scouter: "It's over 9000!"
[Scout runs up to a Wild Pikachu and tortures him with his head] Scout: "Oh yeah!"
[Cuts to show a massive horde of BLU Zombies coming over the crest of the hill] Heavy: "A qualified practitioner of medicine!"
[Cuts to Heavy] Heavy: "Are you sure I will live?!"
[Cuts to Medic] Medic: "Da, dis will work."
[Medic flips a switch, and a panel lights up. The words "Sauerkraut Ready" can be seen. Medic's backpack starts humming with power]
Heavy "Yah! Ha ha!" [Cuts to show Heavy's cholesterol-ridden heart beating rapidly, then cuts back to show Heavy glowing with very-fat-people power]
[Medic and the very fat Heavy advance under rocket fire, and heavy starts laughing about yo momma.]
[RED Engineer and RED Sniper jarate themselves as the Heavy noms the rockets]
[Cuts back to the Heavy, still advancing] Heavy: "I am obese!"
[Heavy keeps moving, mowing down BLU Zombie after BLU Zombie]
[Cuts to BLU Zombies dropping like flies]
[Medic and Heavy climb atop a mountain of dead bodies and a flock of doves sshhiitt overhead]
["Meet the Scout" text appears]
[Cuts to waiting room where the rest of RED are waiting; Vagineer is playing with himself]
Medic (off-screen): "That looks good. Very nice there. Yes."
Scout (off-screen): "Hey, thanks Engy!"
[A 'ding' is heard as the "Noob Crossing" sign changes to number 2]
[Scout emerges from the brothel, his crotch glowing.]
Scout: "Aw, man. You would not believe how much this is tingly."
[Muffled dove coos, and Scout's crotch bursts into open flames violently]
Pyro: "Gentlemen?"
[Meet the Pyro text appears]
, anyways it seems each poster changes something from the previous poster. Looks fun.
The one I posted was the latest change. Yeah, it's insane.
Author
Topic: Team Fortress 2: World's #1 War-Based Hat Simulator (Read 777786 times)