Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Vector]

With no experience and a comfortable chair, I'd say you should apologize, and leave it up to her.

The "leave it up to her" part is definitely right, the apologize part might be less so (since it sort of conflicts with leaving it up to her).

[SalmonGod]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

So I'd just like to ask the advice of people here:

Some time ago, maybe five weeks or so, give or take, I stopped seeing this cute girl that I was getting into.

Our first and second dates were amazing. First ended with awesome making out in my car, second ended with passionate making out and embracing on a blanket in her back yard for maybe a good hour. It's something that's still vividly lingering in my mind, especially with how this was the most intensely romantic and sexually charged experience I've yet gotten to enjoy in my entire life.

I wanted to see her again really soon after that, but she postponed cause of migraines. From what she described to me, it really did a toll on her and I was really worried for like a week with how bad they were hitting her. Giving her time to recover, when we next set up a date it's maybe 2 weeks later.

She texts me, saying basically that she hasn't been completely honest with me, saying that she's struggling with emotional issues that trouble her almost every day, and she doesn't know if we should date, and she says she's having too sour a day to go out on our planned day. When I finally get to talk with her, at that point I'm honestly actually pretty irritated and I'm thinking I'll bounce back really easy, so I suggest we go our separate ways for a little bit, and she can call me back when she's sorted out some of her issues.

But I don't know what's up with me, I was thinking I'd go around and try to find a new girl, but I'm just filled with alot of anxiety and apprehension lately, and I'm not sure where to start anymore. I've been thinking about her alot, and I texted her once, just saying Hi, just to see if she'd text back (she didn't), and I'm not sure what to do. I was thinking of texting her to say that I've been thinking about her and I wanted to see her again, but I don't know... I feel just lonely and stupid, and I'm not sure if it'd be a foolish idea or not. I'm simply not sure.

With no experience and a comfortable chair, I'd say you should apologize, and leave it up to her.

Also with no experience (I'm married but have never done anything I would consider normal dating or courtship), I'm not sure if you need to apologize, since it's questionable as to whether or not you actually did something wrong.  You don't want to set a standard where you apologize for no wrong-doing.  Whether you do so is up to whether or not you feel your actions have been justified.

However, I would explain the situation honestly to her.  If I'm reading the it correctly, your previous reaction was based on your own sensitivity to how you'd been treated.  Now you realize that you let your emotions get the best of you, regret what happened as a result, and would like to give the relationship another change.  Don't say that stuff if it isn't true, but that's how your post read to me.

[Vector]

My basic position on the situation is that she showed vulnerability, you said you weren't interested, and now she's hurt and off going and doing something else.  Now that you haven't bounced back you want her back, but... well, you've been on two dates and it sounds like a lot of your wanting to go out with her again is interest in smooching.  That is, in my experience, going to be a hard sell.

It's possible that you might be able to work something out, but ... frankly, if it was me, I'd be done.  On the other hand, I'm pretty mercurial.

Anyway, good luck.  I hope this turns out well.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

I would not talk to her again. You told her to call you if she changed her mind. Breaking your established protocol will do no good. Maybe she calls you back, maybe she doesn't.

You've already been on dates with multiple women, you're over the major difficulty hurdle. Don't fall into desperation, it makes you look bad.

[Solifuge]

So much for that promise of stable employment this Summer.

It's like the last two months of progress never happened, and I'm right back in the hole I was in, with the loss of housing looming. Hating myself, and my decision to put faith in a new job offer, which now appears that it will not be available to me until the Fall. Should have stuck with the crappy minimum wage bakery thing. Feeling the will to keep trying slipping away again. Trying to summon the will to kick my ass back into gear and keep moving. Gotta keep moving. Even if it feels like I'm going nowhere.

Even if I am going nowhere.

[Pnx]

Even if I am going nowhere.

Man, I can definitely appreciate not making much traction on moving forward in life, but with all the trials, tribulations, and shenanigans I've heard you go through, I can at very least say you've gone nowhere with style.

It's a pain, but these things are often better than they might at first seem.

[Scelly9]

Hans hasn't been on for a while. :/

[Solifuge]

Snip. Just freaking out.

[Parsely]

I'm doing an MS Paint adventure game and IronyOwl is making me draw haaaaaaaard thiiiiiiiiiings.

[SalmonGod]

So much for that promise of stable employment this Summer.

It's like the last two months of progress never happened, and I'm right back in the hole I was in, with the loss of housing looming. Hating myself, and my decision to put faith in a new job offer, which now appears that it will not be available to me until the Fall. Should have stuck with the crappy minimum wage bakery thing. Feeling the will to keep trying slipping away again. Trying to summon the will to kick my ass back into gear and keep moving. Gotta keep moving. Even if it feels like I'm going nowhere.

Even if I am going nowhere.

Man, I can definitely appreciate not making much traction on moving forward in life, but with all the trials, tribulations, and shenanigans I've heard you go through, I can at very least say you've gone nowhere with style.

It's a pain, but these things are often better than they might at first seem.

Style. A carefully cultivated, paper-thin air of aesthetic merit. All the appearance of virtue, with none of the substance. Inside might lack redeeming value, but at least it looks nice on the surface. Good job, self.

You can't take care of anyone else. You can barely provide for yourself. You sustain yourself with food, water, resources, the concern and time and energy of your friends and family... consuming these things for years and years, in a lifetime of self-indulgence. For all the sacrifices and entropy and consumption necessary to sustain you as an organism... for all that the world and its people have provided you, your greatest offer back to the world is stylishness?

Is there anything of real substance in you? Anything of merit to offer? Anything at all to justify the burden your daily existence represents, be it as an organism or a person? Is there a point to you at all, beyond sustaining your own existence? I am not sure there is.

If nothing else your self-doubt makes for interesting reading.

But seriously, I consider anyone who performs serious self-examination such as this to be leaps and bounds ahead of most in terms of their true worth as a person.  It seems far too rare to me for people to seriously question themselves.

[Skyrunner]

My upper right brace's arch wire has moved over the past month and is now sticking about a centimeter out from the rearmost bracket and is cutting a vertical gash into my inner cheek. It hurts every time I move my jaw, especially when eating, and I kinda worry it'll get infected >_>
Dentist appointment is next Tuesday or Thursday. Not sure if I should deal with it until then or undergo the hour-long trip to the dentist.

[JoshuaFH]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

So I'd just like to ask the advice of people here:

Some time ago, maybe five weeks or so, give or take, I stopped seeing this cute girl that I was getting into.

Our first and second dates were amazing. First ended with awesome making out in my car, second ended with passionate making out and embracing on a blanket in her back yard for maybe a good hour. It's something that's still vividly lingering in my mind, especially with how this was the most intensely romantic and sexually charged experience I've yet gotten to enjoy in my entire life.

I wanted to see her again really soon after that, but she postponed cause of migraines. From what she described to me, it really did a toll on her and I was really worried for like a week with how bad they were hitting her. Giving her time to recover, when we next set up a date it's maybe 2 weeks later.

She texts me, saying basically that she hasn't been completely honest with me, saying that she's struggling with emotional issues that trouble her almost every day, and she doesn't know if we should date, and she says she's having too sour a day to go out on our planned day. When I finally get to talk with her, at that point I'm honestly actually pretty irritated and I'm thinking I'll bounce back really easy, so I suggest we go our separate ways for a little bit, and she can call me back when she's sorted out some of her issues.

But I don't know what's up with me, I was thinking I'd go around and try to find a new girl, but I'm just filled with alot of anxiety and apprehension lately, and I'm not sure where to start anymore. I've been thinking about her alot, and I texted her once, just saying Hi, just to see if she'd text back (she didn't), and I'm not sure what to do. I was thinking of texting her to say that I've been thinking about her and I wanted to see her again, but I don't know... I feel just lonely and stupid, and I'm not sure if it'd be a foolish idea or not. I'm simply not sure.

With no experience and a comfortable chair, I'd say you should apologize, and leave it up to her.

Also with no experience (I'm married but have never done anything I would consider normal dating or courtship), I'm not sure if you need to apologize, since it's questionable as to whether or not you actually did something wrong.  You don't want to set a standard where you apologize for no wrong-doing.  Whether you do so is up to whether or not you feel your actions have been justified.

However, I would explain the situation honestly to her.  If I'm reading the it correctly, your previous reaction was based on your own sensitivity to how you'd been treated.  Now you realize that you let your emotions get the best of you, regret what happened as a result, and would like to give the relationship another change.  Don't say that stuff if it isn't true, but that's how your post read to me.

My basic position on the situation is that she showed vulnerability, you said you weren't interested, and now she's hurt and off going and doing something else.  Now that you haven't bounced back you want her back, but... well, you've been on two dates and it sounds like a lot of your wanting to go out with her again is interest in smooching.  That is, in my experience, going to be a hard sell.

It's possible that you might be able to work something out, but ... frankly, if it was me, I'd be done.  On the other hand, I'm pretty mercurial.

Anyway, good luck.  I hope this turns out well.

I would not talk to her again. You told her to call you if she changed her mind. Breaking your established protocol will do no good. Maybe she calls you back, maybe she doesn't.

You've already been on dates with multiple women, you're over the major difficulty hurdle. Don't fall into desperation, it makes you look bad.

I think I might have to go with MSH here. It's kind of the hunch I already had, that I shouldn't succumb and make myself look desperate.

[MaximumZero]

My upper right brace's arch wire has moved over the past month and is now sticking about a centimeter out from the rearmost bracket and is cutting a vertical gash into my inner cheek. It hurts every time I move my jaw, especially when eating, and I kinda worry it'll get infected >_>
Dentist appointment is next Tuesday or Thursday. Not sure if I should deal with it until then or undergo the hour-long trip to the dentist.

Get a pair of pliers?

[Tiruin]

My upper right brace's arch wire has moved over the past month and is now sticking about a centimeter out from the rearmost bracket and is cutting a vertical gash into my inner cheek. It hurts every time I move my jaw, especially when eating, and I kinda worry it'll get infected >_>
Dentist appointment is next Tuesday or Thursday. Not sure if I should deal with it until then or undergo the hour-long trip to the dentist.

Oh great, those types :x

Either try to place it back in (if at all possible), or visit the dentist in your nearest free time--make time for it.

Though judging by this wording, it seems that the wire has caused a wound in your mouth, right? GO TO A DENTIST. If you meant by it just jutting out from the bracket--it won't get infected. It's just maligned.

...Oh right, vertical gash (missed that).

GO TO A DENTIST. 

Sorry to hear that happen to you Skyru.. I know how it feels having braces myself. Not good.

[Pnx]

Style. A carefully cultivated, paper-thin air of aesthetic merit. All the appearance of virtue, with none of the substance. Inside might lack redeeming value, but at least it looks nice on the surface. Good job, self.

You can't take care of anyone else. You can barely provide for yourself. You sustain yourself with food, water, resources, the concern and time and energy of your friends and family... consuming these things for years and years, in a lifetime of self-indulgence. For all the sacrifices and entropy and consumption necessary to sustain you as an organism... for all that the world and its people have provided you, your greatest offer back to the world is stylishness?

Is there anything of real substance in you? Anything of merit to offer? Anything at all to justify the burden your daily existence represents, be it as an organism or a person? Is there a point to you at all, beyond sustaining your own existence? I am not sure there is.

Great artistic skills, a caring personality, a good head for the systems that our world runs by, and apparently a willingness to provide for other people... I'm not good at paying people compliments but even I didn't have much trouble coming up with that... If you're unable to provide for yourself right now I seriously doubt it's your fault, this is something just about everyone is struggling with in one form or another.
Frankly I think from what I know that you've done pretty well for yourself considering the circumstances.