So for some reason it seems to be I get angry quicker and more intensely. Maybe people are just doing more things to piss me off in rapid succession. And since I have no idea how to handle intense anger, given that I've never really dealt with it, it's not pretty. I usually can recognise if I'm actually losing control and get myself away before I do anything more than raise my voice (shouting at someone is typically the thing that clues me in), but last friday...that didn't happen. Wound up punching someone in the face right before I gained enough control to then start walking away. Yeeeah.
Also been having these odd sad moments now and then when I'm alone. Like I've been about to cry but my brain just shuts down all emotion as soon as it detects that. I've even gone to cry once or twice when alone, face made the cry face and everything, only for it all to stop. Just, stop. Face goes back to null, and I just stop feeling anything at all. Why can't my brain also do that with anger? Would save the awkwardness of having to apologise for punching someone in the face when they were being a dick.
I miss when my only emotional states were "interested", "bored" and "wishing to avoid something that causes boredom". Only ones you really seem to need in life.
A big problem is I suck at recognising my own emotions. Dunno if you could call it alexithymia, but I typically either have to be clued in to my internal emotional state by my actions, or by others pointing it out to me. Like, I can't *know* what I'm feeling internally, can't put words to it or identify it or often even notice it. People have commented I seem stressed a lot more lately, so it could be I'm just running off a higher "baseline" lately.
Given I'm done with work and going back to university soon, hopefully the month off of "adult responsibility" will be enough to fix that.