Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Management of Human Fortresses,
Please, do not throw me out of your nice castle as I sleep. Especially when I asked permission to stay. Especially when I do not have any companions. Especially since I was thrown out far from the gates.

Sincerely,
A concerned adventurer.
PS. Please tell your soldiers to stop stealing kills.

[castun]

Dear Urist McPartyOrganizers,

I realize that keeping morale up is incredibly important, especially in these dark times when our gates are sealed, entombing us for time uncertain while the ogreish besiegers stare in stupor at the simple raised bridge blocking their access to the tasty dwarven brain snacks within, but enough is enough.  This must be the 4th party this year, and I hardly think the circumstances warrant it.  Especially so soon after Urist McDepressed chose to starve himself and die of thirst in front of everybody in the meeting hall.

If this grab-assing continues, I'm going to have my best engineers devise a dwarf catapult transporter, and have you hand deliver a note to the jealous ogres who await eagerly outside to attend the festivities.  The note will be to inform them that they are now invited, and to RSVP.  I will also be sure to have the note pinned to the front of your disheveled tunic, so as not to get misplaced in midair en route.

Signed,

Your not-so-festive Benefactor

P.S.  There will be cake.

[Ultimuh]

Dear Legendary Engraver

I do know that you oh so much despise large roaches.
But why you have to engrave them all over the place is beyond my comprehension.
You DO realize that you will spend every single day, of your life passing these engravings of what you hate, right?
Also, keep the engarvings of your hatedom out of the dining hall,
that area is exclusively for heroic deeds and other important world events.

If further violation of the dining hall walls are made, I will be forced to draft and station you outside the fortress.
I do hope you realize exactly how cold a glacier is, at this time of the year.

-The Overseer

Ps: goblin ambushers have been occasionally been spotted out there.

[Egon]

Dear Marksdwarves

When I assigned you guys the task of standing in the gatehouse, which was well-stocked with all kinds of lovely metal ammunition for which to shoot the living crap out of goblins and their troll friends, I didn't expect or particularly want you to rush down the stairs to do so. that's what fortifications are for. Your close combat skills are dabbling, at best, while your marksmanship and archery are both accomplished or better. Please leave the hand to hand for the melee squads, thanks.

- The boss.

PS- GUys, I know no one liked that one macedwarf. still, allowing him to take on the better part of three goblin squads alone was kind of messed up. you guys just watched!

[UristMcDwarf]

Dear ImpossibleToPleaseNoble

I'm being so nice.
You wanted a slade door, you can have one.
Here's your pickaxe.
Hurry up and go get the slade.

See you soon,
The Invisible Hand.

[Dutchling]

Dear Urist McPartyOrganizers,

I realize that keeping morale up is incredibly important, especially in these dark times when our gates are sealed, entombing us for time uncertain while the ogreish besiegers stare in stupor at the simple raised bridge blocking their access to the tasty dwarven brain snacks within, but enough is enough.  This must be the 4th party this year, and I hardly think the circumstances warrant it.  Especially so soon after Urist McDepressed chose to starve himself and die of thirst in front of everybody in the meeting hall.

If this grab-assing continues, I'm going to have my best engineers devise a dwarf catapult transporter, and have you hand deliver a note to the jealous ogres who await eagerly outside to attend the festivities.  The note will be to inform them that they are now invited, and to RSVP.  I will also be sure to have the note pinned to the front of your disheveled tunic, so as not to get misplaced in midair en route.

Signed,

Your not-so-festive Benefactor

P.S.  There will be cake.

Dear UristMcCastun

to avoid this you can just create meeting zones over all the places you want dorfs to meet, just don't forget to assign the dining room as a.. well dining room

[Shook]

Dear Urist McRoadblock

Please get the hell away from the spot where Urist McMason is trying to build a wall. Despite your astounding intellect, you are not a wall, and will never be. We do have a shortage of bones in stock, though.

Yours truly,
- Floating X of Differing Coloration

---

Dear Urist McMason

Stop going 40 z-levels down to find a rock. There is a reason as to why Urist McHauler made a stockpile a few meters away from you.

With anger and frustration,
- Your resident invisible fortress overlord

---

Dear Urist McHauler

GRAB THE NEAREST ROCKS FIRST.

With get-the-fork-back-to-work,
- Armok's Beard

---

Dear Urist McSecretive

Stop sketching pictures of shining bars of metal when we haven't ever had any. However, i present you with this fine wall.

Dutifully,
- Urist McMason

---

Yay for correlation.

[castun]

Dear UristMcCastun

to avoid this you can just create meeting zones over all the places you want dorfs to meet, just don't forget to assign the dining room as a.. well dining room

Avoid what, parties being organized?  And how so, does keeping all the dwarves from gathering in the same place help prevent parties?

[Ratbert_CP]

Dear UristMcCastun

to avoid this you can just create meeting zones over all the places you want dorfs to meet, just don't forget to assign the dining room as a.. well dining room

Avoid what, parties being organized?  And how so, does keeping all the dwarves from gathering in the same place help prevent parties?

Make your noble/elven/caravan "welcoming" room into a meeting area.  Let natural selection weed out the partyers... 

Or make sure you have *no* meeting areas, and there will never be a focal point for a party. How can you meet at the onyx table if it isn't a meeting hall?  Just remember that zoos, statuary gardens, etc. are all meeting areas by inference... Your dwarves will get even more socially inept an morose, and nothing spells success quite like "depressed alcoholic sociopath with deep abandonment issues and moderate spectrum disorder symptoms magnified by constant isolation and repeated life-threatening trauma".  Well, that actually spells "sideshow peace, placid choir tools "

Also,  "vomits with a gleam" spells "solve it with magma"... 

edit: Hrmmm... Thought that looked a bit off... My initial phrase was truncated! Stupid me... But "depressed alcoholic sociopath" spells "dislocates heroic cephalopods".

[Greep]

Dear urist, urist and urist. 

Next time when we embark, do not drown to death immediately in a pond.  Thanks.

[GrizzleBridges]

Dear local Goblins,
Thanks for leaving us alone all this time... These peaceful times have been very prosperous for us. We even managed to become a Mountainhome (Check out or solid-gold drawbridge).
So... umm... were getting kinda bored now.... Any time you want to attack... thats fine by us.
Anybody there?
Yours sincerely,
The residents of Ironcrown

[JmzLost]

Dear UristMcCastun

to avoid this you can just create meeting zones over all the places you want dorfs to meet, just don't forget to assign the dining room as a.. well dining room

Avoid what, parties being organized?  And how so, does keeping all the dwarves from gathering in the same place help prevent parties?

If the meeting area is defined from a zone, there is no object for the party to focus on, hence no "Urist has organized a Party at ... " messages.  Idle dwarfs will still gather there, but will do their jobs when there is work.  Rooms defined from cages, statues, and chains are always available for parties, so just build them in a zone defined as a meeting area instead (except jails, which I avoid).

On topic:

Dear Urist McBeekeeper, and friends,

    When installing a new colony of bees, please check existing hives first.  Running out of the fortress and halfway across the map may be good exercise, but there are goblins and alligators out there beyond our defenses.

Thanks for the ambush warning,
  -The guy who thinks mead is very under priced


JMZ

[Draxis]

Dear Urist McRecruit. 

                Dodging practice is well and good.  However, you would find yourself far happier if you would practice it somewhere other than the archery range.  While there are things to dodge there, they are sharp and pointy and going very fast.

                                                   Signed, your concerned omniscient boss.

[wolfroy]

Dear Urist McImmigrant
                   why, oh why, of all the things you could have brought with you to my fort, did you bring a reindeer? and especially if it was not your pet, why would you bring something with no feasible use other than food? i mean, i would understand if it saved you as a child or something, but seeing as the fort is running low on supplies like food, so i would advise you saying goodbye to your reindeer as quickly as possible, so we can "repossess it"
        - your moderately concerned overlord

[Flaede]

Dear Urist McImmigrant
                   why, oh why, of all the things you could have brought with you to my fort, did you bring a reindeer? and especially if it was not your pet, why would you bring something with no feasible use other than food? i mean, i would understand if it saved you as a child or something, but seeing as the fort is running low on supplies like food, so i would advise you saying goodbye to your reindeer as quickly as possible, so we can "repossess it"
        - your moderately concerned overlord

WARNING: pets can't be eaten. Kill the owner first.