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[ledgekindred]

Dear military,

If you'd put on all these lovely High Boots I've made for you, you'd probably stop getting stabbed in the feet and wind up unable to walk.  For a gimp military, you're doing pretty well, but I don't like to think about what our visitors think to see the entire military running around with crutches.

tl;dr - put on some damned shoes!

Yrs
Be-footed Omniscient Overseer

[Coalwalker]

To the owner of the +Copper Pick+ found lodged in the Mayor's head this morning,

You have our sincerest thanks.

~The Dwarves of Rithakam

[Loud Whispers]

Dear zombies,

Show yourselves, we have brains. Just stand by the giant battleaxe, and we'll send them to you.

~Yours faithfully, Overseer.

[Renommer]

Dear Urist McWoodburner
As much fun as it is jumping off of the waterfall on to the grates which are the only things preventing you from plummeting to your death, please cease this activity and use the bridge to fetch the wood for burning. Those grates may not be there next time you jump.

[Garath]

Dear Urist McWoodburner
As much fun as it is jumping off of the waterfall on to the grates which are the only things preventing you from plummeting to your death, please cease this activity and use the bridge to fetch the wood for burning. Those grates may not be there next time you jump.

have you used traffic designations yet, to make the bridge a better option than the falls? If not, might do a facepalm? After all, dwarfs don't think like you or me, gotta help em a bit by telling them where to go

[Bobnova]

To:  Urist McBabymaker

I really don't care, at all, if you had a baby. Please stop telling me about them, it drags my attention away from the important projects such as baby storage units.

Regards,
Your overseer

[Dranikos]

Dear Urist McSpores
The population cap is set at 150 for reasons pertaining to my sanity, I would appreciate it if you would respect such a cap.  Further, the child cap is set at 20 for similar reasons.  Please PLEASE PLEASE stop reproducing until such that our population (Currently:217, 37 Children, 16 Babies) has been reduced to meet these numbers.  Failure to do so will result in Military mandated Danger Room training for Nursing Mothers.

PS.  Especially don't start spontaneously start having births after a year and a half of the fortress being above these mandated numbers.

Edit: PPS Stop spawning!  We're now at 237 Dwarves, and 27 Babies.  Stop.

Edit: Dear Urist McGuardcaptain
I don't know how you did it.  But in the future when the Legendary Armorsmith who made your artifact mail shirt fails to produce Urist McMonarch's Mandate for Candy Mini-Forges, a "beating" does not mean "punch his head off".  Now we need to train a new armorsmith from scratch...

[Corai]

Dear Urist Mcberserk disciple of Armok.



I understand your rage at my inability to get pigtails, which I have none of. But you could had just started crying on he mayor's shoulder instead of running into the dining room, killing three children, mauling another. Then into a barracks, downing a entire squad, braining the clerk, and wiping out half the work-force.



Love, your former kobold overseer.

[Ria Hawk]

Dear Mountainhomes:

STOP SENDING MIGRANTS.

The constant influx of new mouths to feed is putting undue strain on a very young fort. We haven't even discovered magma yet, or any useful metal, for Armok's sake.

Seriously. This fort's only been in existence for four years, and we already have a population of 129.

We don't need any more.

- The Beleaguered Overseer

[Olith McHuman]

Dear Urist McCrispy

You killed the dragon! Good job! However, I must question the wisdom of taking a nap on a pile of burning seeds that was dropped by a hauler.


Dear ninja goblin thieves

So what if you've been locked up in that hallway for several years. So what if you are now legendary ambushers and can waltz right past my military without being seen, and then stab my important dwarfs. We will find you.

p.s. I hope you like water.

[Renommer]

Dear Urist McMayor
You went in to a mood. Great!
In a butcher's shop. Okay....
And made a dwarf bone gauntlet. Okay.......
And a moment later Urist McHauler was found dead.
Is there something you would like to tell me?

[crazysheep]

Dear Urist McMayor
You went in to a mood. Great!
In a butcher's shop. Okay....
And made a dwarf bone gauntlet. Okay.......
And a moment later Urist McHauler was found dead.
Is there something you would like to tell me?

Found inscribed into one of the bones of the gauntlet: "Fell mood?"

[hops]

Dear Urist McMayor
You went in to a mood. Great!
In a butcher's shop. Okay....
And made a dwarf bone gauntlet. Okay.......
And a moment later Urist McHauler was found dead.
Is there something you would like to tell me?

D_ Over_

he...not...
bone...shiny...
mandate...
mandate bones...
disposables...

With lousighoawktjglwr;askf

Mayonnaise

[Corai]

Dear ponies of Lovesparkle,




No. I do not want -Yep, just remembered that story- ponies. Stop sending them, I need earth ponies for farming. Or unicorns, because they have horns.


Love, ponies from Crystalshine.

[Jake]

Tentacle ponies?