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[Olith McHuman]

Not much, but then Urist notices that there are cats on the internet.
Cats.
Cats everywhere.
After Urist finishes eradicating them with magma, half of the internet is gone.

WWUD if the fort was invaded by lolcats?

[Crazy Horse]

Build a stockpile adjacent to an erect lever-operated drawbridge for pig cheese and badger meat. With a nearby signpost declaring: "You can haz teh cheezeburgerz rite heer!"

WWUD if you locked him in a room with a shovel, a Stray Duck, a sack full of pigtail fiber thread, an enormous bronze corkscrew and 67856 live bees?

[Lagslayer]

Get into a fight with the duck because the room is too cramped.
Wonder what the hell a shovel is, and not know that it is a digging implement, so he remains stuck.
Urist gets hungry and starts eating vermin (bees). All the stings cause him to tantrum, throwing the bees at the other bees. He becomes a legendary thrower.
Urist does not care about the thread, because he has no workshop.
Finally, Urist collapses from exaustion, right on top of the corkscrew trap.
Now that Urist is dead, and on the evil side of the map, he resurrects as a zombie. Cue Urist zombie getting cut into dozens of little bits until the trap gets clogged by his third toe on his left foot.
The zombie parts remain there forever.


WWUD if 4chan and Reddit invaded the fortress?

[Mr Space Cat]

Urist cancels defend fort: Drowning in overused memes.
Urist has gone insane!
Urist has drowned.

WWUD with a knife that shoots guns that shoot knives from their guns?

[hops]

Urist cancel Productivity: FPS death

WWUD if the world is ending tomorrow and he knew it.

[Eric Blank]

Go on break, get a drink. Die.

WWUD if his parent civ didn't know how to make enormous corkscrews for a pump stack?

[IcyTea31]

Build a scoop wheel instead and make a pump out of it.

WWUD if dwarves were capable of space travel and had their own Apollo program?

[NW_Kohaku]

Try to embark on the Sun. 
"Hey, Libash, you can rig a pump stack to drain plasma back into itself, right?  It's pretty much the same as an aquifer, right?"

WWUD if she got to her embark and realized nobody brought a pick or any metal?

[Crazy Horse]

Sit on the floor and dig for gold in his nose until next autumn.

WWUD if if he uncovered the forgotten beast Chuck Norris? (Beware his spinning kicks)

[IcyTea31]

The whole fortress would be obliterated in only a couple of seconds, and the world in a few minutes.

WWUD if Dwarf Fortress had elements of Lovecraft's Cthulhu Mythos?

[NW_Kohaku]

*Deep One Soul Roasts*

Nothing is a greater force of soul-eating insanity and evil than the dwarves. NOTHING.
(What do you mean it's not already brushing up against Lovecraft?)

WWUD in a world where there was no access to magma?

[Eric Blank]

Dig deeper until he finds some.

WWUD if he was addicted to cavern moss?

[NW_Kohaku]

Live in the caverns, domesticate some jaberers, and set up some pools to keep the FB contaminants off while rolling in the cavern moss, of course.

Dig deeper until he finds some.

That's kind of a cop-out.

WWUD if there was really, seriously, no magma.  Nothing but cold, dead rock.

[Olith McHuman]

Build a titanic lens out of clear glass and MAKE some!

WWUD if someone pointed out that he made lava, not magma? And that Urist's hair is on fire?

[Crazy Horse]

Urist is throwing a tantrum!
Urist McMayor has mandated the production of magma.
Within a year all that would be left of the fortress is Urist and one very exhausted Hammerer. Without the grounding, earth-nurturing presence of pure magma Urist would weaken, his dwarven vitality and beard would shrivel away. His thirst for booze would dry up, and without the constant levels of alcohol in him to hold it back the combined might of 80 years worth of postponed hangovers would break his brain like a twig. He would babble rhymes and hug trees and craft *larch earrings* for his face and then run gaily in the meadows in nothing but a wooden dress pretending he was a merry elf.

Traders and goblins alike would shun the place and his parent civilization would name it a place of great earth-cursed evil and forbid mention of it in the histories.

WWUD if he was given Steve Ballmer's job at Microsoft?