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[Dutchling]

I feel like we're talking about different Portals here.

[Yoink]

Damnit Dutchling, I saw your name as the last post on this thread and got all excited thinking you were contributing.

Anyway: What do you call it when someone farts under the blankets? A Dutch oven.
What do you call it when someone takes a dump in an oven? Dutch cuisine. 

[hops]

Doug Rattmann is an incredibly minor character in Portal whose existence is only mostly shown in the trailer comic.

[Remalle]

He's the guy who leaves the graffiti rooms everywhere.

[Dutchling]

Damnit Dutchling, I saw your name as the last post on this thread and got all excited thinking you were contributing

Sorry.

A man enters a pharmacy and asks for birth control pills for his wife and his 7 year-old daughter.
The pharmacist is a little shocked and asks, “Your 7 year-old daughter is sexually active?”
“No,” replies the man, “she just sort of lays there and cries.”

[kaenneth]

Those poor kids from Sandy Hook, they wanted books but all they got were magazines.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Man that shooting was really a tragedy. I wonder what the last thing was to go thorough those kids heads, I mean besides those bullets. Ha, that joke will never get old. Just like those kids.
_{^{You can only imagine what those parents are going through..probably funeral brochures.}}

That reminds me, did you hear the one about Dorian Grey?

Man that never gets old.

[Orange Wizard]

<"joke" snipped>

See, this is why you don't ask Dutchling to make terrible jokes.

[KingofstarrySkies]

Ooh, ooh, I've got one!

Life!

Life's a pretty terrible joke.

[Arx]

How does the Joker brief his bowling attack?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

It's simple; we kill the batsman.

* Arx pulls out the big book of Van Der Merwe jokes

Van der Merwe was watching a rugby test against the British Lions at Loftus Versfeld stadium in Pretoria. In the packed stadium, there was only one empty seat - next to Van der Merwe.

"Who does that seat belong to?" asked his neighbour.
"It's for my wife."
"But why isn't she here?"
"She died."
"So why didn't you give the ticket to one of your friends?"
"They've all gone to the funeral."


Van der Merwe goes to Paris to watch the Boks take on the Brits at the world cup.
Whilst in Paris, he walks around, gaping and staring at everything - so much so that he walks smack bang into a fire hydrant which hits him so hard on the family jewels that he has to be rushed to hospital where the doctors tell him they have to remove his testicles.
Van goes berserk, he bites and snarls at every one and he won't let anybody within 10 metres of him. Eventually they find a South African doctor in the hospital and get him to talk to Van.

He walks up to Van and tells him "Hey Van, die ouens moet jou knaters uithaal." (Hey Van, the guys must remove your nuts.)
Van replies "O, okay, ek dog die bliksems wil my test tickets vat." (Oh, okay, I thought the bastards wanted to take my test ticket.)

[Yoink]

Made me laugh at whatever time of day.

[Dutchling]

This thread needs more multicultural jokes.

What's black, has 8 legs, and makes women scream?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Gang rape

[Yoink]

What's the term for a sex offender with a taste for Latino kids?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A pedrophile.

[Sheb]

And by multicultural, you mean racists, right? :p

[Dutchling]

A Russian couple walks down a street in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he says to his wife. "No, that feels like snow to me, dear," she replies. Just then, a minor communist party official walks towards them. "Let's not fight about it," the man says. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." "It's raining, of course" Comrade Rudolph says and walks on. But the woman insists, "I know that felt like snow." To which the man quietly says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

[Comrade P.]

A Russian couple walks down a street in Moscow when the man feels a drop hit his nose. "I think it's raining," he says to his wife. "No, that feels like snow to me, dear," she replies. Just then, a minor communist party official walks towards them. "Let's not fight about it," the man says. "Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." "It's raining, of course" Comrade Rudolph says and walks on. But the woman insists, "I know that felt like snow." To which the man quietly says, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

Какого хрена это значит?