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What is your favourite subgenre of metal?

Funk metal
- 1 (4.8%)
Black metal
- 0 (0%)
Death metal
- 1 (4.8%)
Power metal
- 4 (19%)
Metalcore
- 0 (0%)
Nu metal
- 0 (0%)
Folk metal
- 5 (23.8%)
Grindcore
- 0 (0%)
Doom metal
- 1 (4.8%)
Sludge metal
- 1 (4.8%)
Groove metal
- 0 (0%)
THRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSH
- 8 (38.1%)

Total Members Voted: 20


Pages: [1] 2 3 ... 9

Author Topic: ROLL TO THRASH  (Read 15752 times)

Yoink

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ROLL TO THRASH
« on: November 09, 2014, 04:15:23 am »

CRAWLING UP FROM THE GUTTERS, SEWERS, DRAINS AND BASEMENTS OF DRONE CITY, YOU HAVE COME TOGETHER TO FORM...
THE ULTIMATE ROCKIN' THRASH METAL BAND THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN!

HOW YOU PLAN ON GOING ABOUT THIS, YOUR NARRATOR HAS NO IDEA. YOU HAVE A COUPLE OF CRUMMY INSTRUMENTS AND A SINGLE AMP THAT BARELY WORKS, QUESTIONABLE-AT-BEST MUSICAL ABILITIES, A HALF-EMPTY CRATE OF BEER, A TOTAL LACK OF PERSONAL HYGIENE AND A BEAT-UP OLD BUS THAT LOOKS ABOUT READY FOR THE SCRAP YARD.


BUT YOU DO HAVE GUTS, AND THE WILL TO FUCK SHIT UP.
WILL THE ROCK GODS SMILE UPON YOU AND SPEED YOUR RISE TO FAME? OR WILL THEY CRUSH YOU BACK DOWN INTO THE DUST FROM WHENCE YOU CAME? ONLY TIME (AND THE WILL OF THE DICE) WILL TELL.


YOU REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS SCATTERED AROUND TOUR BUS, WITH YOUR INSTRUMENTS AND A FEW DEDICATED MEMBERS OF YOUR FLEDGLING FANBASE, IN FOREST CLEARING LITTERED WITH EMPTY BOTTLES AND REMAINS OF BONFIRE. WICKED HANGOVERS. NO IDEA WHERE YOU ARE.
BOOZE RESERVES CRITICALLY LOW.

>WHAT DO?
Logged
Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

Cheesecake

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #1 on: November 09, 2014, 04:48:12 am »

FIND BOOZE.

Thou shalt not rock sober.
Logged
I wish I could unwatch a thread because every time I look at this I can feel myself dying faster
Dying of laughter?
Dying of pure unbridled hatred, actually.

darkpaladin109

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #2 on: November 09, 2014, 06:21:43 am »

DRINK ANY BOOZE I CAN FIND
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Yoink

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #3 on: November 09, 2014, 09:21:30 am »

FIND BOOZE.

Thou shalt not rock sober.
[2] YOU LOOK IN THE BUS, FIND HALF A SIX-PACK OF BEERS IN FRONT OF DRIVER'S SEAT. SCORE!
UNFORTUNATELY, SOME OTHER GUY HAS CAUGHT THE SCENT OF BOOZE AND CHARGES INTO YOU TO TRY AND GRAB IT
TRIPS OVER, KNOCKS BEER OUT OF YOUR HANDS AND FALLS ON HIS HEAD
BOTTLE BREAKS. BEER IS SPILLED. IT IS A SAD DAY.

Item Gained: Cheap Beer x3!
Item Lost: Cheap Beer x3!



DRINK ANY BOOZE I CAN FIND
[1] YOUR FINELY-HONED BOOZE-SENSES DETECT A FEW BOTTLES OF WEAK BEER NEARBY IN THE BUS!
YOU RUN OVER THERE, CRAZED BY THIRST, ONLY TO DISCOVER SOMEONE HAS ALREADY GRABBED SAID BEERS!
GROWLING SOMETHING UNINTELLIGIBLE YOU LUNGE OVER TO SNATCH THEM FROM HIM... ONLY TO TRIP OVER YOUR OWN STUPID FEET, KNOCK THE BEERS OUT OF THE GUY'S HANDS AND SMACKING YOUR HEAD ON THE GEAR STICK.
OUCH. AS IF YOUR HEAD DIDN'T HURT ENOUGH ALREADY

State Gained: Prone!
State Gained: Mildly Concussed!

Spoiler: TRAGIC (click to show/hide)
« Last Edit: November 09, 2014, 09:24:22 am by Yoink »
Logged
Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

darkpaladin109

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #4 on: November 09, 2014, 10:14:13 am »

Slurp beer from ground. WITH STYLE
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Lyeos

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #5 on: November 09, 2014, 10:47:21 am »

Search for instrument that would be totally inappropriate for this.
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Take a closer look at this text!

Helgoland

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #6 on: November 09, 2014, 10:51:18 am »

Whip out mah bagpipes and begin to lay down some funky tunes.
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The Bay12 postcard club
Arguably he's already a progressive, just one in the style of an enlightened Kaiser.
I'm going to do the smart thing here and disengage. This isn't a hill I paticularly care to die on.

Wilfred of Ivanhoe

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #7 on: November 09, 2014, 09:58:43 pm »

Attempt to drive the bus.
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(1) You grab your golf bag and take out your gun. But then an Orc comes over and sensually gives you a massage. You decide to marry the Orc and live together. Unfortunately, the Orc walks over a slime mine and blows up. You commit suicide, unable to bare the thought of living with out your one true love.

Execute/Dumbo.exe

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #8 on: November 09, 2014, 10:09:02 pm »

BEGIN THE NATIVE BEER DANCE.
SAID DANCE MAKES BEER RAIN FROM THE SKY.
Logged
He knows how to fix River's tiredness.
Alan help.
Quote
IronyOwl   But Kyuubey can more or less be summed up as "You didn't ask."
15:52   IronyOwl   Whereas Dungbeetle is closer to "Fuck you."

hops

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #9 on: November 09, 2014, 10:19:52 pm »

Retrieve arms from bus
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she/her. (Pronouns vary over time.) The artist formerly known as Objective/Cinder.

One True Polycule with flame99 <3

Avatar by makowka

Yoink

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #10 on: November 09, 2014, 10:28:26 pm »

Slurp beer from ground. WITH STYLE
[6] *SLURP* *SLURP* *SLURP* YOU MANAGE TO LAP UP DECENT AMOUNT OF BEER FROM FLOOR

ALSO LOTS OF BROKEN GLASS. WHO WOULDA THOUGHT?
TONGUE AND MOUTH BEGIN BLEEDING PROFUSELY, IS VERY PAINFUL

Injury Acquired: Shredded Facemeats!

Search for instrument that would be totally inappropriate for this.
[1] YOU STAGGER TO YOUR FEET AND, FOR SOME WEIRD REASON, GO LOOKING FOR NEAREST INAPPROPRIATE INSTRUMENT

OH HEY, THERE'S A SET OF BAGPIPES LYING OVER HERE. WHO THE FUCK BROUGHT THIS? YOU PICK IT UP
SUDDENLY THERE IS AN UNINTELLIGIBLE SCREAM FROM BEHIND YOU, THEN A SHARP PAIN AND EVERYTHING GOES BLACK

Item Gained: Bagpipes!
Item Lost: Consciousness!
Item Lost: Bagpipes!


Whip out mah bagpipes and begin to lay down some funky tunes.
[5] YOU LOOK FRANTICALLY AROUND FOR YOUR BAGPIPES

SPOT THEM LYING ON THE GROUND ABOUT TEN METRES AWAY, NEAR THE ASHES OF THE BONFIRE
SOME WEIRD GUY PICKS 'EM UP AS YOU'RE WALKING OVER TO GET THEM, AND WITH A CRY OF SCOTTISH-THEMED RAGE (WHICH NO-ONE COULD EVER HOPE TO UNDERSTAND BECAUSE OF, YOU KNOW, SCOTTISH ACCENT) YOU BELT HIM OVER THE HEAD WITH A ROCK AND RESCUE YOUR TERRIFYING INSTRUMENT

[1] YOU THEN GO TO PLAY THEM FOR YOUR MOSTLY-COMATOSE AUDIENCE, ONLY TO DISCOVER THAT THE BAG HAS BEEN PUNCTURED SEVERAL TIMES AND PRODUCES NO MORE THAN AN UNHEALTHY WHEEZING SOUND. AN AWFUL MOMENT FOR YOU, BUT PERHAPS A MERCY FOR EVERYONE ELSE

Trait Gained: Scottish Accent!
Item Gained: Bloody Rock!
Item Gained: Bagpipes (Broken)!

Attempt to drive the bus.
[1] ...
ANOTHER ONE?! WHAT THE HELL IS RANDOM DOT ORG DOING TO YOU GUYS? BAH

WELL, TIME TO ROUND PEOPLE UP AND GET THIS SHOW (BACK) ON THE ROAD

YOU GET SHAKILY TO YOUR FEET AND TAKE STOCK OF SITUATION
SOME GUY IS SHOUTING UNINTELLIGIBLE GIBBERISH AT A DEAD-LOOKING SET OF BAGPIPES, THE BUS IS AT ONE SIDE OF THE CLEARING WITH SOME PAINFUL-SOUNDING COMMOTION GOING ON INSIDE, AND SOME OTHER GUY IS-- RUNNING TOWARDS YOU SCREAMING?!

SUDDENLY YOU ARE LYING FLAT ON YOUR BACK STARING AT THE SKY THROUGH THE TREES
YOUR HEAD WAS SORE ENOUGH TO BEGIN WITH. NOW IS EVEN WORSE. WHYYYYYY.

State Gained: Prone!
State Gained: Concussed!


BEGIN THE NATIVE BEER DANCE.
SAID DANCE MAKES BEER RAIN FROM THE SKY.

[1] (I HAVE NO WORDS)
YOU SCREAM, "NATIVE BEER SUMMONING DANCE WHOOOOO!" AND MOSH-CHARGE DIRECTLY AT THE NEAREST AWAKE-LOOKING PERSON WHILST WAVING YOUR ARMS MADLY. YOU SLAM STRAIGHT INTO THE POOR GUY, WHO WAS JUST STAGGERING TO HIS FEET, YOU CLASH HEADS AND BOTH COLLAPSE HEAVILY TO THE GROUND

YOU FEEL PRETTY SORE, BUT THEN SUDDENLY YOU BEGIN TO FEEL EVEN WORSE
YOU'RE GETTING LIKE, BAD VIBES, MAN. MAYBE BLAMING THE NATIVE SPIRITS FOR YOUR STUPIDITY WAS A BAD IDEA...

Native Beer Dance Failed!
State Gained: Prone!
State Gained: Concussed!
State Gained: CURSED!


Retrieve arms from bus
ARMS? DO YOU MEAN, LIKE, WEAPON ARMS OR BODYPART ARMS?
[2] ...HMM. LET'S JUST SAY YOU HAVE A PROSTHETIC ARM. AND IT IS CURRENTLY IN THE BUS SOMEWHERE. THAT WORKS

[4] YOU GET UP FROM WHERE YOU WERE SPRAWLED AND STAGGER YOUR WAY OVER TO BUS
YOU MAKE YOUR WAY PAST THE TWO IDIOTS FIGHTING OVER A BUNCH OF SMASHED BEER BOTTLES AND RETRIEVE YOUR ARM

Trait Gained: Amputee (Arm)!
Item Gained: Prosthetic Arm!




Logged
Booze is Life for Yoink

To deprive him of Drink is to steal divinity from God.
you need to reconsider your life
If there's any cause worth dying for, it's memes.

Fniff

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #11 on: November 09, 2014, 10:31:31 pm »

THRASH!
AS IN, THRASH AROUND LITERALLY BECAUSE I AM SEIZING OH GOD SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE

Execute/Dumbo.exe

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #12 on: November 09, 2014, 10:36:09 pm »

FIND ALCOHOL LYING AROUND RANDOMLY TO PERFORM THE RITUAL OF FRAT BOY FORGIVENESS TO BE UNCURSED.
THEN ASK FOR A BOOZE TREE. 
Logged
He knows how to fix River's tiredness.
Alan help.
Quote
IronyOwl   But Kyuubey can more or less be summed up as "You didn't ask."
15:52   IronyOwl   Whereas Dungbeetle is closer to "Fuck you."

hops

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #13 on: November 09, 2014, 10:43:55 pm »

Do homoerotic frat boy things
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she/her. (Pronouns vary over time.) The artist formerly known as Objective/Cinder.

One True Polycule with flame99 <3

Avatar by makowka

Devastator

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Re: ROLL TO THRASH
« Reply #14 on: November 10, 2014, 01:11:28 am »

HIT THE TOWN!  WE NEED A GIG!
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