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[Lord Dalek]

Dear Urist

I set up a labyrinth of weapon traps, cage traps, flood-rooms that could be drained at will, all to keep you alive.

And you thought running out to get a goblin out of a jammed trap was a bloody good idea when there was a goblin invasion.

Signed: Lord dalek

[pisskop]

Dear Forgotten Beast;

  Plz stop killing the natives, the wildlife, and generally setting fire to the whole first cavern.  Kthnx.  Also, stop flying.  I cant very well explore the caverns if you try to fly out of them, can i?

     Truely
   Overseer who has only a tenuous interest in the cavern.

[Thisfox]

Dear Dwarven Child:

I'm amazed you weren't more suspicious about the damp bed and room which I had assigned you. You only have yourself to blame for going to sleep on a bed perched precariously on a cliff in a dripping wet room. Thankyou for the holiday photos on the way down.

--The Overseer.

Dear Forgotten Pterodactyl:

Thankyou for breaking the fall of our dwarven child on the way down that incredibly deep set of caverns. I note that you didn't even notice the rabbit we used for cannon testing earlier: Perhaps you only like the taste of dwarf? Please stay down there, anyway, I've got some more dwarves to drop down there as sacrifices, all you have to do is stay put.

--The Overseer.

Dear Mechanic:
The water canon works FINE. Thankyou! Sorry about testing it on your pet rabbit.

--The Overseer.

Dear Everyone:
 
WE NOW HAVE PANTS. Many pairs, in yarn, cloth, and even leather. Come get some! The trade caravan will arrive in a month, and we're hoping to sell your old ones to the ragman.

Also, the water cannon room is finally functional, so anyone who has gone crazy from nudity: We also have a functional water cannon, which has been tested on a rabbit and a dwarven child. It works REALLY WELL. And I'm informed by a certain dwarven child that there's still a sodding Forgotten Pterodactyl Beast flying around down there, and that it's hungry.

So I repeat: Please report to the clothing rooms for your new pair of trousers. Thankyou.

--The Overseer.

[Pyrefly]

Dear pretty much every dwarf:
I do not want to hear anything about how bad the water is.
NOT. ONE. WORD. ABOUT. THE. WATER.
Watch the freaking booze supply better next time, you IGNORED me when I asked for you guys to brew that pile of plump helmets, and yes I checked and at least 3 of you are brewers, then when some wine was traded for so you idiots would stop complaining, you guys loafed around until a kea man raid stole it. Now you are stuck with swamp water until you actually brew something.
-a VERY annoyed overseer

P.S.: There are freaking empty barrels everywhere so don't give that excuse either.

[hiroshi42]

Dear pretty much every dwarf:
I do not want to hear anything about how bad the water is.
NOT. ONE. WORD. ABOUT. THE. WATER.
Watch the freaking booze supply better next time, you IGNORED me when I asked for you guys to brew that pile of plump helmets, and yes I checked and at least 3 of you are brewers, then when some wine was traded for so you idiots would stop complaining, you guys loafed around until a kea man raid stole it. Now you are stuck with swamp water until you actually brew something.
-a VERY annoyed overseer

P.S.: There are freaking empty barrels everywhere so don't give that excuse either.

Dear overseer
You told us to only use things from that plump helmet stockpile so by god we are only going to use things from that stockpile. (Check to make sure if the still has links that they include a barrel pile.)

Dear Mountainhalls: While I am grateful for the influx of cheap labor/cannon fodder could we tone it down a wee bit, the fortress was not that profitable in the first year.  The first migrant wave to visit us this year damn near trippled our population and while the second was smaller we are still sitting at ~ 4x the population than when the year started.  we are rapidly running out of room for all these idiots and I doubt the food and booze will hold out untill production can be improved. 

Hungrily yours, Urist McBeekeeper/Expedition leader

[Chevaleresse]

Dear Urist McMiner

I know the stone is warm. I know that means magma is nearby. I also know that magma does not flow upward unless prompted, and that you are only digging ABOVE magma.

So dig out the goddamn forges already.

Signed,

Your extremely annoyed Overseer

[MobRules]

Dear Urist McMiner

I know the stone is warm. I know that means magma is nearby. I also know that magma does not flow upward unless prompted, and that you are only digging ABOVE magma.

So dig out the goddamn forges already.

Signed,

Your extremely annoyed Overseer

If you c[h]anel the blocks-above-lava from the top, rather than [d]igging them from the same level, they don't produce the warm stone warning.

(You of course still get the warning when digging the actual holes in the floor to reveal the lava, but there's a lot fewer of those.)

[whitecold]

Dear Urist McMiner(s).

If channeling stairs, don't stand atop them. You will fall down, where your head will take the full force of the impact and split in gore.

Signed,

Your tantruming dwarves.

[Trupik]

Dear Urist McMonarch.

It was funny the first time you demanded the construction of worthless junk, but the joke faded out long time ago. We do not need more armor stands, hatch covers, or crossbows. We have literally mountains of those lying around. What we need right now are some 150+ cheap coffins - and we need it quickly, before the necromancer shows up. I know that we swore never to speak about the incident again, but it left us mainly with nobility, clerks, farmers and children. There are no able masons or crafts-dwarfs left. So if you can stop ordering punishments for the Production order violation, that would be great.

Truly yours,
Overseer

[NomeQueEuLembro]

Dear Urist McOutraged,

I'm the Law here and I know what I'm doing. So if I said that your deceased pet killed itself even when everyone blames our legendary blacksmith's tantrum then I'm right and it makes perfect sense. I'm sorry your pet can't have a burial, but we can't afford to let him have one since we're in a shortage of resources. Also, you should apologize to said legendary blacksmith that is relaxing in the big engraved room I just built so he could get happier (the one with two golden statues inside).

Please, know it's nothing personal against you or your annoying cat. By the way, you should know you're being drafted to the military since your lye-making skills are not needed. Also, since the last necromancer raid your cat has became an undead and you were choosen to finish him once and for all.


Hope you're happy,
Concerned Overseer

[Pirate Santa]

Dear Urist McMayor

Your decision to ban the export of picks is a sound one, they are a valuable resource we cannot afford to lose, I applaud your good sense.
However refusing to allow me to bring bins containing valuable trade goods to the trade depot because they also contain aforementioned picks is incredibly inconvenient. I had to dump the damn things all over the floor of the barracks! If someone trips and breaks their neck I'm holding you personally responsible.

Sincerely,
The Hand of Armok.

PS. I'm aware you're the Militia Commander too but if you could stop sparring long enough to have a chat with the outpost liasion that would be great. His caravan left months ago.

[Bumber]

However refusing to allow me to bring bins containing valuable trade goods to the trade depot because they also contain aforementioned picks is incredibly inconvenient.

You can disable culling on mandates when selecting goods. Just don't accidentally trade the goods marked in purple. -Urist McBroker

[Pirate Santa]

However refusing to allow me to bring bins containing valuable trade goods to the trade depot because they also contain aforementioned picks is incredibly inconvenient.

You can disable culling on mandates when selecting goods. Just don't accidentally trade the goods marked in purple. -Urist McBroker

I didn't know that, thanks! 

[Urist McShire]

Dear Urist McDisgruntled:

Why are you unhappy? Our fortress is the greatest gift to dwarf-kind. Exceptional and Masterwork golden statues line the halls, we have over ten types of booze on tap, dozens of different dishes prepared by our legendary chefs, a strong military that gives a sound thumping to any goblin invasion that tries to take our wealth, and a broad assortment of masterfully dyed plant thread and yarn clothing. Nobody has died in over five years. We've never been more prosperous. We've got tame giant war lions killing goblin captives for our amusement while the King sips dwarven ale from his golden goblet that menaces with spikes of ruby while eating a giant boar meat roast. The well is made from gold blocks with masterwork platinum mechanisms, buckets, and chains and is surrounded by statues and engravings. You even became a father recently.

WHY ARE YOU UNHAPPY?

Sincerely,

Your frustrated Overseer

[blazing glory]

Dear Urist McDisgruntled:

Why are you unhappy? Our fortress is the greatest gift to dwarf-kind. Exceptional and Masterwork golden statues line the halls, we have over ten types of booze on tap, dozens of different dishes prepared by our legendary chefs, a strong military that gives a sound thumping to any goblin invasion that tries to take our wealth, and a broad assortment of masterfully dyed plant thread and yarn clothing. Nobody has died in over five years. We've never been more prosperous. We've got tame giant war lions killing goblin captives for our amusement while the King sips dwarven ale from his golden goblet that menaces with spikes of ruby while eating a giant boar meat roast. The well is made from gold blocks with masterwork platinum mechanisms, buckets, and chains and is surrounded by statues and engravings. You even became a father recently.

WHY ARE YOU UNHAPPY?

Sincerely,

Your frustrated Overseer

Probably because he's bored and hasn't had any FUN.