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[Olith McHuman]

Ten, but he carries the minecart with 9 logs all the way outside to pick up the fresh log.

WWUD if back pain was implemented?

[Lagslayer]

Throw up all over himself, then tantrum because he has filthy clothes.

WWUD with his own theme park?

[Hectonkhyres]

WWUD with his own theme park?

Make the log ride consist of magma and minecarts in a nobles only warren. It doubles as an obsidian factory.

What would Urist do if a Forgotten Beast arrives that is made out of nothing but elves and cats? Beware its deadly dust!

[Chimpanzee]

You mean elf and cat meat? Trap it over a single floor hatch, make it fall to death and feast on it.

WWUD if dogs randomly adopted dwarves, just like cats?

[Mr Space Cat]

Start hauling puppies to the butcher's shop.

WWUD if dogs had dwarvenly beards?

[Lagslayer]

Breed them extensively, then shear the dog's beards so that they can be added to his own.

WWUD with a giga-beard?


edit: correcting hilarious misspelling.

[Remuthra]

Install Beard Quest on it, and slip it into his U.R.I.S.T.?

WWUD if U.R.I.S.T. offered her dwarven cake?

[Olith McHuman]

Urist would kill U.R.I.S.T. The monster.

WWUD if he met Cave Johnson?

[flame99]

Burn his lemons down with a !!COMBUSTIBLE HOUSE!!

WWUD if he had a portal gun?

[Monk321654]

Portal to the top of a tower, then splatter to the ground shortly after realizing a disturbing lack of long fall boots.

WWUD if he broke his hand after punching an iron man in the head?

[Kolnukbyne]

Keep punching. He'll get him eventually.

WWUD if he undiscovered fire, dooming all dwarven civilization to being unable to create new metal objects?

[Mr Space Cat]

Didn't you go to dwarven metalsmithing 101? Dwarves don't need fire for forging, they just put the bar on an anvil and glare at it until the metal's intimidated enough to forge itself. That being said, Urist would be disappointed at the lack of pretty lights to set his beard on fire while he glares at metal bars.

WWUD if he attempted to use this intimidating glare on elves?

[Olith McHuman]

Interesting. They combust. Clearly, more tests are required.

What would Urist McBookkeeper do if someone pointed out that he could do his job more effectively by actually getting up and walking to the stockpiles to count the items?

[Chimpanzee]

If Urist McBookkeeper can record all stock of the fortress solely by sitting in his office with a barrel of booze, he should be able to just scan every stockpile in the fortress at first glance.

WWUD if the only barrel of booze in the fortress was taken by Urist McBookkeeper, who is now updating stockpile records?

[Eric Blank]

Accuse Urist Mcbookkeeper of being a vampire, causing the overseer to toss Urist McJerk in a lake to see if he's actually the vampire that's been plaguing the fortress. Urist drowns.

WWUD if the last barrel of booze was lost when Urist McThirsty threw a tantrum, beat the bookkeeper, and it wound up under a drawbridge that was promptly lowered, crushing it into oblivion?