On today's episode of
Tank-Rogue Suffers Greatly, we're missing our creepy necromancer so the DM decided to do a Halloween one-off fever dream.
So our DnD group minus one are dumped on the front gate of an abandoned amusement park, named Cool Dude Land. It was going to be that kind of game. We proceed inside to a small arcade with a ski-ball game, a whack-a-mole game, and an archery game. I proceed to be ski-ball god and win...a clown doll sopping with goo.
To this sound effect. Great. Next, the ranger tries her hand at the archery game and fails, getting shot back with an arrow for her trouble. Then the slutty bard tries the whack-a-mole game and oh god they're real dire moles come to kill us. The game dispenses a skull with a letter on it. We finish up with that and I immediately look back at the clown doll even though I already know what I'll see. Gone.
The ranger tries the archery game again and eats another arrow for her trouble. I tell our actual archery specialist to step aside and actually make the roll, cementing my place as arcade god alongside winning ski-ball a second time for a second skull. The archery game gives us a wet rabbit doll that is immediately named Rotten Robbie. That one has no magic on it, so someone is actually willing to take it. We see the clown doll hiding inside a hole in the wall and depart to the rest of the park.
We're given three directions to go and I randomly pick straight. We come to a door with five skull-shaped holes in it. Great. We go back and go to the right, to the "Wavey-Water Land" area. There's a Tunnel of Love with a broken boat in the water, and a boating lake...with a skull sitting on a pole in the middle of the lake, impaled through a boat. Now, obviously this is a trap. It's water. I throw a rock in the lake and the spot bubble slightly. The ranger decides to test the lake by putting Rotten Robbie on a boat and shoving it off into the water. Sure enough, scaled hands come up and pull the entire boat down into the water. We are confronted by three angry shark-elves moments later. The slutty bard uses her magic item that shoots electricity. This badly hurts all three shark elves and the secret fourth shark elf. Now, the shark elves are still in the water. And it's my turn. And I have no ranged attacks. And I make the somewhat unwise split second decision to jump straight into the water because I've been the tank up until this point, so might as well.
I then begin to remember that I'm not
actually a fighter, paladin, or cleric as I am then brutalized by all four shark elves and reduced to 2 HP within a single round, as they all have two attacks and gain automatic advantage as soon as anybody is injured. It was bad. Fortunately, the ranger makes an archery check to shoot a rope arrow at me, I make the dexterity check to grab it, and she makes the strength check to pull me out of the lake. Note to self: Buy a crossbow and remember that I can set up sneak attacks and attacks of opportunity. The shark elves don't do as well on land and are dispatched one-by-one as they crawl from the lake. Someone nervously sails out and gets the skull. We short rest. I open my pack. There's a clown doll in my pack. I immediately stab the clown doll. It regenerates from being stabbed. I toss the clown doll in the lake. It immediately reappears in my pack when it goes below the waters. Great. One of these.
So I stab the clown doll and keep him on the end of my sword to keep an eye on him. The ranger tries to set him on fire but gets too creeped out and fails. As he is a kebob-clown, he is thusly named Kaboby. We attend to the Tunnel of Love and try to ignore seeing a full-sized clown walk inside it. The "water" of the tunnel is more like...goo. The same goo Kaboby is covered with, in fact. It burns slightly. We decide the Tunnel of Love ought to be ignored. I try to interrogate Kaboby and he flips me off. This leads to the scene of us walking back to the park nexus, me first ranting at the clown doll on my sword as the rest of the party hides behind me so Kaboby won't look at them. We try for the other direction, the "X-Treme Zone".
There's a Tilt-a-Whirl with a skull inside, a broken ferris wheel with a skull atop it, and a shitty rollercoaster. We argue, Kaboby continues to be creepy, we decide we need more Rotten Robbies to use as decoys. I try the arrow game again and get shot with an arrow before either the slutty bard or the nonslutty bard suggests we just try to break open the prize container, at which point the DM explodes with exasperation at why we took this long to consider that. I apologize for my indoctrination preventing me from thinking of just smashing capitalism and then smash capitalism, taking three Rotten Robbies for the good of the people. Kaboby takes the opportunity to teleport back in my bag.
We proceed back to X-Treme land and put Rotten Robbie Jr. on the rollercoaster. The machine tries to push the slutty bard on the ride with it but fails, and the cart comes out the other side...with the full-sized clown, now named Kabossy, riding it alongside Rotten Robbie Jr. The cart crashes off the rollercoaster and out of sight. Right then. We put Senior Rotten Robbie Sr. Jr. on the ferris wheel...which is broken, so nothing happens. We put him on the Tilt-A-Whirl and it spins around violently, throwing him out. We get confused about what exactly the Tilt-A-Whirl looks like, I try to cut the hydraulics and discover they're already broken, and several people are thrown violently out the top before the nonslutty bard finally passes a strength and constitution check to make it through the ride and steal the skull. We manage to dodge the ferris wheel issue more carefully by weighting down carts to make the wheel turn and bring the skull down to us. That makes five.
The skulls spell BREAK, and the gate opens. We are brought to the House of Mirrors. Oh, god. Kaboby is smiling. It's dark inside, and there's mirrors everywhere. We try several checks but can't tell anything except...there's clown goo on the floor. Senior Rotten Robbie Sr. Jr. is thrown into the darkness...and crushed as Kabossy falls from the ceiling in a sneak attack. The final battle commences.
Kabossy uses a screaming attack against us. Slutty bard uses earthshaker and crashes every mirror in the house as well as knocking Kabossy prone. I roll a 1 and Kaboby comes flying out of my pack, healing Kabossy. I attack Kabossy and slice him in half, creating two smaller Kabossies. No swords, then. The others do damage and nonslutty bard makes the questionable choice to use hideous laughter on the monster clown, but it works out. I try to attack with a torch and roll a 1. Kabossy gets a crit against me. One of the Kabossies is killed. I try to attack with a torch and roll another 1, reducing me to 1 HP. Kabossy sonic attacks us again. The ranger hides behind her magic shield and passes her turn. Nobody is above 4 HP. I try to attack with a torch and finally succeed. Kabossy is finally killed by the ranger's flaming arrows.
The spirit of Cool Dude departs into the sky, and says we are truly radical. And then everybody wakes up in the lizard-cultist's wine cellar with that cowardly priest we met last session. That was some
really bad wine.
Oh, and the slutty bard still has the spear he took from the shark elves.
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Topic: Re: Dungeons & Dragons / PNP games thread: COBRA!!! (Read 845541 times)