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[Mego]

Plus we get to make creepy shrines to people.

bagsie the necro shrine!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

MAGMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you aren't necro!
I'm not making a shrine to you!
only necro can do magma in massive red letters and have the desired effect, it is lost on all others.


GRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Nonono, that was my shrine to him.

[Loud Whispers]

Make a man a fire, you keep him warm for a day. Set a man on fire, you keep him warm for the rest of his life.

... It is as if a million voices cried out in pain, then were slowly silenced over the course of an hour by thousands of falling serrated glass disks.

The moral of the story is that love is even more dangerous than zombies.

DEPLOY SAUSAGE

When in doubt... Sausage.

you are now one^{one of}_oneof _{of us}^us us

A grammar hammerer! Run away!

Coined it!

HOW DO SIG =

First, you must travel up to the highest point of the Sigtower, it is there that you will meet the Sigmaster in his sacred shrine. He will demand that you brave three trials, each of which will test the overall quality of your very being. If you survive, you will then have to take his daughter's hand in marriage. The two of you will be required to bear a single child, and on that child's seventh birthday, you will offer him to the Sigmaster, so that he may be trained as the Sigmaster's successor, in order to ensure that this special ritual continues on for decades to come. Once you have done this, you will have earned the right to make a sig.

Or if you wanna be a cheater about it, you could just go onto Forum Profile under the MODIFY PROFILE tab, and paste it into the signature box.

DF: the game with a learning curve so steep, you could jump off and kill yourself.

"I'd rather have a bay12 any day than a thousand drafted forums."
~ Commander Genghis-Churchil-Alexander-Hannibal-Simo VII

"Spreadlord"?

Is that was qualifies as dwarven porn names?

Note that when these fine gentlemen suggest to kill the offenders, they do mean to use creative, i.e. non-military means.

WE COLONIZED HELL

NOW WE'RE TAKING OVER THE HUMANS

My WTF of the day is realizing bay12 was given an opportunity to discuss political and social issues regarding a bunch of half-naked women harassing Putin, but chose to continue their discussion of cheese graters and can openers instead.

...
BAY12 WHAT HAVE YOU DOOOOOOOONE

[greatorder]

Nonono, that was my shrine to him.

I bagsied it you bastard!
*shoots*

[Gizogin]

It's kinda like the difference between reading books and comics, except that this book also punches you in the face while you read.

"Let's expose our military to zombie-dust so they can't feel pain. They don't NEED skin."

One FB post. Many dick jokes. Pokemon. !!VOLCANO!!. Dwarven mood thingee. Derailment itself. Girlinhat's hat. Cuba. Karl Marx. This is why i love Bay12 forums.

Capture them and fire them at the gobbos out of a pressurized magma cannon, scattering them like cute, cuddly, fluffy napalm? Sounds good. Do they go out after 9 months like lignite or can they burn indefinitely?

I remember typing that everything was going well. The game somehow found out. So naturally the place is going to hell in a handbasket.

Like a perfectly pleasant little tundra fortress still busy getting its stuff together, that somebody painted a lovely shade of murder.

Oh god! He linked TVtropes....

when there's something strange...in the neighborhood, who you gonna call? DWARFBUSTERSS...
*music playing*

We have an obsidian penis in front of the fortress. No matter how The Master made it, it is still an obsidian penis. We're keeping it.

That is both freaky and awesome. FEAR MY GHOST BABIES!

....Does that mean this mother dwarf can beat enemies to death with her ghost baby?

You created a biological weapon that spreads a virus to you dwarves, thus turning them into biological weapons?  That's awesome.  Congratulations, Gizogin, you are the Albert Wesker of Dwarf Fortress.  Please, make more B.O.W.s

If you shoot them enough with really small adamantine bolts, than you are shooting them with cancer basically.

Fear the fluffballs!  They're tiny and fluffy and RELENTLESS!
Now with extra fire!

Cog Wrathhammer, Adventurer Extraordinaire!  Read it here!  Part 2, Part 3, Part 4.

Hey, I'm now an Adequate Writer!  Check out my story on Fimfiction!  (Warning: entirely pony-related)

[Theifofdreams]

Ah, yes, there's one thing you might want to be aware of if you try to play with this embark:
http://i54.tinypic.com/2ewmh03.jpg

oh god Capybaras!!

HEAD FOR THE HILLS!

Oh god! A capybara!

[dermonster]

Texts I have accrued.

About myself, mostly.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Derm has all the power, even when the power doesn't exist.

Cthulhu is under Derm's class.

I just wasn't expecting Derm to immolate him beyond recognition before he could even say a word. Not sure why I wasn't expecting that.

Derm, I think it's about time you sigged yourself.

Wheeeeee~~~

Derm would end up making Cthulhu look like a puppy dog you want to take home.

Dermonster: Taking Badassery to a whole new level.

Also the 'fuck shit up'-o-meter should measure atrocities in Derms. 1 Derm means you left a crater where a homeless shelter used to be. 10 Derms means you did that on purpose. 100 Derms means you made the universe cry.

DERM WILL STEAL YOUR SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

I've got the mental image of Derm ripping out people's hearts and putting them in a satchel, but that has nothing to do with the above quote.

That is exactly what happens to GMs who let Derm play.

I swear, Derm is Armok personified in poster form.

dermonster, aka Derm, is a player known for blowing everything up (in RTDs, mainly). Derming is thus more or less a fancy word for blowing things up or lighting them on fire, generally on a large scale.

More later.

[Johuotar]

Awesome thread, much needed.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The farmer Mothkat Shedimudil has come! A short, sturdy creature fond of drink and industry.

Wait, why the fuck do I even have a shipping folder

I open up, I open up with a zealot rush and transition into MOTHERFUCKING CARRIERS 凹(ﾟДﾟ)凹

This week on Top Gear we answer the age old question, can a pony drive a high powered European supercar?

Tosid Ducimidath, militia captain cancels Pickup Equipment: Too insane.

"conquering the world and covering it in darkness and a lack of candy"

Your base is under attack! Transition into losing your whole fucking base.

-invade hell with undead army

Only in Dwarf Fortress.

Incidental Unicorn #2 is the best pony.
At one point some samurai experimented with putting candles on their helmets for fighting at night, but it only made them light-headed.

Military advisor: GIVE ME MORE SOLDIERS NOBLE LEADER SO THEY MAY SHEATHE THEIR SWORDS IN THE BEATING HEARTS OF OUR ENEMIES!



Confound these ponies, they drive me to gather my party before venturing forth.



The Toad hops in mysterious ways.

"conquering the world and covering it in darkness and a lack of candy"
Tosid Ducimidath, militia captain cancels Pickup Equipment: Too insane.

The Toad hops in mysterious ways.

According to Sony, Giant Enemy Crabs appeared in "famous battles that actually took place in ancient Japan". When encountering one, you may Attack Its Weak Point For Massive Damage, while using Real Time Weapon Change.

How did we get from soul-hungering maces to sexism in one page? I want to get back to that soul-potato stew we were talking about before, that sounded delicious.

Well bone mace -> It's useless -> No it's not, it hungers for souls -> Souls are delicious -> The bone mace decrees potato -> Don't you mean mash potato? -> Your argument is boiled, mashed and stewed -> suspicious culinary advice -> Dwarf healthcare jab -> how do sig do -> sig -> sigged -> We have to sig deeper -> Forums = Sexism? -> Lol wat -> Recursive -> [REDACTED] -> judges judging judges who judge judges -> back to soul potato

we get all the people that think they're special.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsiNY0byEqw

Sadly, that's probably the best you'll get.
In this twitch-based game you play as a young, opium-addicted Persian mass-murderer with apple fetish.

[monk12]

My sigtext has finally broken the surly bonds of the character limit, and so I come here seeking refuge.

Spoiler: Quotes (click to show/hide)

I like how this community doesn't shrink from providing a Step by Step Guide to Visual Stellar Navigation: How to Reach the Moon Without a Calculator.

A noble just suffered a genuine unfortunate accident.

Has that ever happened before?

I read somewhere that if a cat falls more than 11 stories, it instinctively flares its legs out to increase air resistance. This slows it down enough to stick the landing with relatively minor injuries. In Dwarf Fortress, apparently, cats don't do that.

I, for one, accept this new wave of movies based on things I doodled in junior high.

THEY CAN TAKE OUR LIVES... BUT THEY CANNOT TAKE OUR SCHOOL PRIIIIIDE!

Several courtesans leap like flying fish across the surface of the hot tub and grab a firm hold on the naked Pimperator's ankles!

If it's any comfort, I'm sure they were all proletariat aardvarks.

Thank you for your opinion, it has been noted and discarded as silly and irrelevant. You are welcome to cling to your opinion if you want to. In the event of a water landing, your opinion may be used as a flotation device as it is full of hot air.

Kill now. Clothes later.

((Fuzz is somewhere past the .
We don't know where exactly, brcause the RNG cast him into the future. Where my evil is law.))

For me, personal morals win out over the law every time.

Violating personal morals often leads to feelings of guilt.
Violating the law often results in anal rape.

This is what happens when we randomly murder people.

You get attacked by a Yandere triangle monster.

Spoiler: Things I'm Proud Of (click to show/hide)

PRINCESS ABDUCTED- Inexplicably popular "minimalist" RTD, which I include here only because it sparked a minor fad. Complete
Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz - My LP of Pokemon Black.Active
You are a Necromancer!- Suggestion game about an Elven Necromancer learning to harness her powers through trial and error, while also exploring her world and the Big Things that are afoot. Active
Roll to Deathmatch - Round-based Deathmatch RTD. Hiatus
@@@ Pokemon Fables @@@- Half-baked Pokemon mod. Inactive
Mario Kart Grand Prix- A Mario Kart RTD, featuring 19+ players and an active metagame. Dead, probably
Legends of the Hidden Temple: The RTD - Half-baked RTD. Dead

[Aklyon]

I finally had a sig requiring more space than I have left, so into this thread it goes!

Quotes:

BUT I CAN'T PLAY WITHOUT THERAPIST AND A TILESET!

SON YOU WILL TAKE YOUR CHAOTICALLY ORGANIZED ASCII FORT AND YOU WILL PLAY IT LIKE A MAN.

I mean, B12 is like an oasis in the wild west.

It is the 2nd Millennium. For more than a decade The Toad has sat immobile on the Golden Office Chair of Washington State. He is the Master of Bay 12 by the will of the internet, and master of a million bytes by the might of his inexhaustible coding. He is a restless mathematician writhing invisibly with power from the Modern Age of Technology. He is the Amphibian Lord of the Twelfth Bay for whom a thousand suggestions are sacrificed every day, so that he may never truly sleep.

Yet even in his sleepless state, the Toad continues his eternal vigilance. Mighty threads cross the bot-infested remnants of Various Nonsense, the only route between the distant boards, their way lit by the Forum Guidelines, the digital manifestation of the Toad's will. Vast usergroups give discussion in his name on uncounted sites. Greatest amongst his users are the Lower Forumites, the Bay Watchers, socially abnormal angry debators. Their comrades in arms are legion: the Upper Forumites and countless Escaped Lunatics, the ever vigilant ThreeToe and the mafia aficionados of the Forum Gamers to name only a few. But for all their multitudes, they are barely enough to completely ignore the nonexistant threat from trolls, heretics, spammers - and worse.

To be a Bay Watcher in such times is to be one amongst untold hundreds. It is to post in the cruelest and most hilarious network imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of scripted events and 3D graphics, for so much has been discarded, never to be retried. Forget the promise of cell shading and multiplayer, for in the moderate dimness of the here and now there is only Dwarf Fortress. There is no peace amongst the Bay, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting Watchers."

I could use more books.


You know, the great thing about that statement is that it's true no matter how many books one actually owns already.

Fanfiction, m'fellow, fan fiction. It's like a functionally infinite supply of books that grows. Faster than you can catch up. Original fiction and just plain free stuff just adds to the frothing tide of rampaging literature.

And that's just counting the good stuff! There's another tidal wave of bad stuff that's like nine times as large.

Never run out of things to read. This is what the internet hath wrought. And it is glorious. Albeit occasionally on fire.

It's like a bush...

Spoiler: Spoilered for length (click to show/hide)

Except someone lit the bush on fire...

But the bush grows really really fast, so it's not dying it's just growing while on fire...

And then SOPA tried to put water on it...

But they didn't realize that would make the bush grow out of control...

And eat your house...

And then your house was a bush...

And then the military is called in...

And they try to drop bombs on the bush to make it on fire again...

But the bush is now sentient...

And the bush knocks the bombs away like Lebron James...

And Lebron James is really good...

He plays basketball...

The internet isn't a fan of basketball though...

So maybe the internet doesn't like Lebron James...

Maybe Lebron James and the internet are fighting...

Except there are lots of people on the internet...

All kinds of people, from all over...

So no matter where Lebron James goes, he's hated by the internet...

Which is a burning bush that eats houses...

So Lebron James has to watch out for burning houses because they hate him...

So logically Lebron James would be afraid of burning houses...

And fear is usually turned into anger by men...

So Lebron James hates burning houses...

So maybe Lebron James becomes a firefighter to fight the burning houses...

But the internet fights back by growing even bigger...

Lebron James is fighting a losing battle...

The internet keeps growing faster, but Lebron James can't bring himself to slow the growth of the internet by lighting it on fire because he hates fire...

The world is englufed in leafy madness...

And it all hates Lebron James...

Lebron James becomes a freedom fighter against the planty overlords...

He's probably joined by a interacial group of politically correct friends...

Like Mr. Rogers...

So Mr. Rogers and Lebron James fight off the plants...

And maybe invent a time machine, to go back in time and kill the internet before it exists...

But the internet gets ahold of it and sends back a stealthy killer plant to kill Lebron James...

Just like in the Terminator...

Thus Lebron James is like John Carter of the internet.

Osaka Logic.

[Twi]

Ohai sigtext thread.

If she wants to land an ocean liner on a desert of sand, then she damn well should be able to!

...nomadic mutts.

The abridged history of humanity.

Magic is like sitting down and calculating the trajectory required to fire a gun so that the bullet flies off and cuts the chain holding up a hanging light, so that the light falls down onto a plank of wood that happens to have a knife on the other end, catapulting the knife into the air so that it falls in a way that happens to perfectly remove that cancerous growth. Except a lot trickier. And there is another mage standing next to you telling you it will never work because you have the wrong sort of hat on. And the bastard is actually right.

Hairstyle analysis

Something Evil: Understanding the thought processes of the highly religious is the Devil's own job.

Aklyon

an insightful and wily individual of mysterious and indistinct gender

-Aklyon's description in Echo Bazaar Fallen London, apparently.

SIG EVERYTHING

Because jet intakes are always useful, look at the kerbals. They can stick enough jet intakes on a plane to get it into almost-space! (and then half the time it runs out of air and gets stuck in orbit, but thats beside the point)

Aklyon: Magic flying not-pants.

Obama: Practical and pro-Death Star.

Now we're cooking with gas, people.

I'm not quite sure what sort of gas, mind. It's probably hallucinatory. But we've begun cooking with it, whatever it is.

Test humans, get prophets.

Nanoha: I did you a big favour ...i have successfully privatized world peace!

Quantum tunnelling also applies to children.

The villian has 100% reality-proof plot armor. The expensive kind that covers all your bits.

The Law of Internet Discussion states that any topic that has anything to do with the government will eventually turn into Government Sucks and Here is Why.

The Marx generator will produce Engels-waves which should allow the inherently unstable isotope of Leninium to undergo a rapid Stalinisation in mere trockoseconds.

Thus establishing the triumph of the People's physics over the decadent bourgeois vacuum. Down with capitalist emptiness! We will replace vacuum with the bounty of the Proletariat!

Toady's beard is Dwarf Fortress.

And then there are people who, rather than letting information give them cause to reconsider their worldview, seek refuge in audacity and start harping on completely ridiculous things. Oh man, people... capable of such heights of greatness, and such depths of pettiness.

Its not that we joke, its that we tell the truth in a funny way.

You keep getting distracted and underwater mechs are gonna torpedo you from puddles.

Puddles of doooooooooom.

-This is why I still can't get into Battletech things. I'm too ADHD to actually read through the -OH LOOK A BUTTERFLY~

Unfortunately, the elevatus is not a lightning piston of justice.

bullpocky

To err is human, to moo bovine.

Non-quotes:

This poster is prone to generating pointless PMs if unattended. Store at temperatures above 0 C.

[miauw62]

NEED MOAR SIG SPAIC!

If he's a goblin spy, execute with no mercy.
If he's a dwarf, keep him alive and throw him in your military.

...

wait a second.

I am watching my fortress crumble in fucking bullet time.

This is why I love the DF forums.  Someone says "Hey I want to host fuckin' multiplayer DF but my linux box is broken."  Next guy is like "Hey I'm a Linux System Admin."

Guys, jewelry =/= vampire.

Experiences with my ex-girlfriend say otherwise.

As for dwarfs being suicidal in their regular every day activity,

[krg]

857. You firmly believe that the story of BoatMurdered should be taught in every grade-school history class, because, of course, it really happened dammit!

no magma is involved though...

Therefore you have done it wrong.

[Gatleos]

GAT HQ



Avatars

Spoiler: I made these shitty avatars (click to show/hide)

Classic Geno.

Christmas edition!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Spoiler: I also made these shitty penguin avatars (click to show/hide)

Pengeno! I put actual concentrated effort into this ridiculous thing.

Darvi penguin! Shiftiest eyes in the universe.

Solifuge abandoned him so he's the unofficial MonkeyHead penguin because why not.

Derm penguin! I think this counts as me making fanart of my own stuff.

Megapenguin! ...This just sucks.

Shittypenguin! Also sucks. But on purpose.

SWEeT pENGIN

Cerapenguin! Penguins can be anything they damn well please.

Pendwarf! The circle is now complete.

Forum Game Stuff

Spoiler: GWSWS 1.2 (click to show/hide)

This is the GWSWS, as lawastooshort calls it, a simple system for tracking player injuries in RTDs. It's evolved over time, and will probably continue to do so.
Injuries
Light Bleeding: Anything from a paper cut to a bad scrape. 10 healing points. [-1 HP per turn]
Heavy Bleeding: Caused by stab wounds, deep cuts, etc. Requires medical attention and 20 healing points. [-5 HP per turn]
Very Heavy Bleeding: Results from major bodily harm, such as impalement or severed limbs. Requires skilled medical attention and 30 healing points. [-20 HP per turn]
---------
Burn: Caused by tissue damage. Requires medical attention and 20 healing points.
Fracture: Caused by moderate blunt trauma. Requires medical attention and 20 healing points.
Broken Bone: Caused by heavy blunt trauma. Requires skilled medical attention and 40 healing points.
Missing Limb: Never heals, obviously.
Health
Players make a healing roll [1d6] for each wound they currently possess, starting on the turn after they receive it. The amount rolled is added to the wound's healing points, and the wound disappears when the points max out. Healing rolls cannot be made for a wound until it has received the proper medical attention. If a wound requires skilled medical attention, only players or NPCs with relevant medical knowledge can apply it properly. Everyone else gets a -2 penalty. Bleeding injuries drain health, of which each player starts with a maximum of 100. If a player has no bleeding injuries, they regain 4 hitpoints per turn naturally.

Spoiler: Quotes (click to show/hide)

Think of it like Sim City, except with rival mayors that seek to destroy your citizens by arming legions of homeless people and sending them to attack you.

it would be funny to see babies spontaneously combust

In my experience, it's endemic to PCs. "You all meet in a tavern" is not nearly as interesting as "You all meet in a barfight."

You need to think vertically.  Consider crafting an exploration vessel called the Pillar of Autumn, which has mega-tall walls, a quadruple-thick floor, but no ceiling.  The dwarves and any supplies you wish to send in with them get loaded onto what will eventually be the outer ceiling.

Drop the structure and marvel as the walls remain in place, 2 z-levels taller than the magma.  The dwarves stare upwards in awe at the 6-z-level caisson you've built them... and then tunnel into the 4-layer-thick floor, creating room for the supplies.  The dwarves migrate back and forth happily, moving booze into their new dining hall, beds into their barracks, and a breeding pair of cows into the abbatoir.  One dwarf hollers up when the farm plots are ready, and the mothership opens a storm drain.  Water goes everywhere, but the important thing is that it gets the farm plot muddied.  Seeds are planted.  The water on top of the vessel eventually evaporates out.  All is in readiness, so the explorers retreat belowdecks to draw lots.

One lone dwarf returns to the upper deck. He deconstructs the stairs he came from, builds a bauxite floor over the top hatch, and takes a copper pick over to one wall.

Tink.  Tink.  Tink...

You just re-created "The Core" in Dwarf Fortress. I think Einstein, Freud, and Newton just simultaneously rolled over.

Considering the general state of DF, I think Einstein and Newton are already rotating fast enough that you could hook them up to pumps and use them to kill Elves.

"1/0" is a paradox in a way that "0/1" is not. Nothing can be divided by zero. If one approaches the formula from the positive side, it would appear that the answer is an infinite positive value. If one approaches the formula from the negative side, the opposite is true. Thus, anything divided by zero is simultaneously positive and negative infinity. "One over Zero" is a paradox in another way too, in a way that transcends mere arithmetic. One is something, and Zero is nothing. The fact that the universe holds something over nothing, that it prefers to exist, rather than not exist, is fundamentally absurd. No being can ever come to deserve its own birth. 1/0 is a cry out against mere logic and efficiency. Stuff exists. All existence, all truth, cannot be ultimately justified: it can only be described, explained, and enjoyed.

1/0 is illogical. 1/0 is irrational. 1/0 is impossible. 1/0 is transcendentally unfair.

1/0 is true. Deal with it.

[bukitodinos]

My sig: The one and only

Spoiler:  Quotes (click to show/hide)

I wonder what you get when kirby eats a tentacle demon?

Cthurby? The eldritch pink ball of insanity.

WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU PEOPLE DONE TO THIS FORTRESS!? It looks like a scene out of the most pantshittingly violent slashers and war films ever devised! I mean for the love of god! There's hair trying to kill a dog!

Carebear Mammoth has come! Assemble the dwarves!

*Me playing DF on my laptop at my friend's place*

Friend: Dude what are you playing?
Me: Dwarf Fortress. It's Sim City with ASCII carnage
Friend: You can't do decent carnage with only ASCII (he's a CoD/BF3 maniac)
Me: Bet ya a case of beer you can.
Friend: Ok you're on.  When's the fun start?

*At this point I'd just gotten my Meat Grinder (1-tile-wide twisting hallway with a gazillion serrated blade traps) finished while the 100-goblin siege waited outside my walls*

Me: Right now.  See this lever? (opens the main gate) And this hallway with the little red arrows? (as the goblins come pouring in)
Friend: YeaaahhhOH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED? (I'd forgotten to put a roof over the Grinder, so naturally blood and severed limbs start flying out the top and covering the area)
Me: That, my friend is what happens when a goblin explodes.  This little white 2 over here?  That's his head.  And over here a hundred feet away are his shattered legs.
Friend: Dude, get on my computer.  I want this installed and running before I get back with the beer.

And so we welcome another twisted brother into the fold.

Great, now I envision RedKing as some sort of wizard bear.

BAMSCARYPICTUREINYOURFACE!

28: you become emotionally attached to various objects around your house
29: you breed war elephants
30: you scream at the mere thought of an ampersand
31: you have an underground farm
32: you've grown a full beard (female)
33: you live off *cat tallow roast*
34: you use your newborn baby as a shield from a robber
35: you have cage traps for theives

Dear Urist McPumpSlave,

You see that second part of your name? The bit that says "slave"? That means your job is to operate that Armok-damned pump until you keel over from exhaustion and drown in the river you were supposed to drain, allowing Urist McBackup to replace you. This is your sole purpose in life. Every moment of your existence should be focused on operating your pump, to drain the river so the masons can plug the thing up and suffocate the Giant Sponge nest downstream. Your sole purpose.

This means you are not allowed to attend, much less organize, parties during dam-building hours.

Dear Boss,

Can't hear you, On Break

so, up yours.

-That's Urist McPumpOperator for you.

Dear Overseer,

I can take care of your little, rebellious slave, for a cost......

Love, shifty Kobold.

Dear Overseer,

I'll do it for free.

Yours sincerely, Angry, Fire-Breathing Forgotten Beast von Collateral Damage

Dear Overseer,

I can do it brutally, instead of it quickly, which that thing lacks.....

Love, Jack the Kobold.

Dear Overseer,

I will solve ALL problems.

Singeingly Yours, MAGMA

Legal summons to court for UristMcPumpslave,

I can't prove you're a vampire.
Doesn't matter.
-the hammerer

enable fishing, hunting, and woodcutting.

-the goblins

THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR SPINNING THREAD I AM HOLDING A GRIZZLY BEAR!

SMELT FOR YOUR LIVES YOU INSANE LITTLE PSYCHOPATHS!

Dear Uristmcnopants.

Please put some clothes back on.
I know your old clothes wore off but I've made some new ones for you, out of silk to!
Your nudist behavior is starting to disrupt hard working dwarves, and with three types of vomit on you you're not much to look at.
On that note please stop having children (that vomit on you), 10 children is enough!

Yours
 Unknown forces

EYE STALKS AND TOILET PLUNGERS FOR ALL!!!

FB, a fire-breathing three eyed ass. It took me some time to realize that I was being attacked by a donkey.

You and your fucking land whales...

WE ARE ALL PIRATES

[Myroc]

Now usually when it comes to my signature, I just discard the more inferior quotes when I stumble upon a new one of my liking, but when you have a hilariously out of context quote regarding pants-stealing nazis it feels shameful to just dispose of it like a used murder weapon.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

We all have problems. Some people just have more awesome problems than others.

Innocents don't exist on a Bay 12 subforum. Anyone that's even heard of DF to any degree pretty much automatically loses whatever innocence they may have had. You can't ruminate on arrow-catching babies and keep any, unfortunately.

Getting angry is fun. Getting angry over petty things even better.

I heard pants-stealing Nazis. What were we talking about again?

That's.....Interesting?

You misspelled 'hilarious'.

Take notes before you forget. you can write them down on that box of tissues you always keep nearby