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[Andux]

Dear Urist McHauler,

Spoiler: Image (click to show/hide)

You're doing it wrong.

Sincerely,
Your Facepalming Overlord

[Mrhappyface]

Dear Urist McHauler,

Spoiler: Image (click to show/hide)

You're doing it wrong.

Sincerely,
Your Facepalming Overlord

Yo dawg, I heard you like wheelbarrows.

[Babylon]

Dear Urist McHauler,

Spoiler: Image (click to show/hide)

You're doing it wrong.

Sincerely,
Your Facepalming Overlord

Yo dawg, I heard you like wheelbarrows.

Yo Urist, I herd you like hauling, so I put a wheelbarrow in your minecart so you can haul while you haul.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear unknown spirit,
Since that bug where rollers accelerate all minecarts simultaneously was supposed to have been fixed, why is the minecart still accelerating every time the other one is sent on its merry way?
You killed a guineahen, I hope you're happy.
Sincerely,
GreatWyrmGold, Overseer.

(It was a fort from 0.34.08, in case it matters.)

Dear everyone,
You guys suck. Not only did you never unload the minecart sitting just south of the trade depot, leading to the death of one much greater than yourselves, you refused both to feed or water Urist McArmorerAndMason AND to move him to the new hospital, where there was a spare bed. The word "suck" does not begin to describe you guys. Did I mention that this is this fort's FIRST death, despite a few troglodyte attacks on sleeping dwarves and that troll the militi commnder picked a fight with a while back?
Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

Dear Urist McMilitiaCommander,
Why do you keep dodging out of the barracks?
Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

[Hamsmagoo]

right, it just looked like your mayor had an Unfortunate Accident, which is totally not needed since you can just choose your own mayor

Why replace the mayor when you can throw a cart full of razor-sharp iron at him while he sleeps?

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear Urist McRecruit,
Do I want to know why you brought a minecart full of mugs to your sparring match?

Dear Urist McPlanter,
Why do you keep complaining of a dearth of seeds? We've got dozens, at least.

Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

[WaffleEggnog]

right, it just looked like your mayor had an Unfortunate Accident, which is totally not needed since you can just choose your own mayor

Your no fun

[Niccolo]

Dear Urist McHaulers

How the fuck have you guys managed to reserve every single bucket in my fort? There are thirty buckets here! I made so many just so you morons couldn't use them all at once!

Bloody hell.

Niccolo, Overseer.

[GreatWyrmGold]

Dear everyone,
What. The. Hell.

Alright, Urist McWoodcutterAndNewMason, you were attacked by the GCS while asleep. That's not your fault.
Urist McChiefMedicalDwarf, next time, WAIT to recover wounded until the wounded in question is NOT being attacked by a GCS. Your foolish action lead to your death and to the bedroom hall being filled with webs. Well freakin' done.
Other people who decided to recover one of the two wounded: Same deal.
Urists McCleaners: Why the HELL do you want to clean the bloodstains from under the bleeding dwarves' heads but not the one that's been on the hammerer's bedroom wall ever since that troglodyte was killed there?
Urists McMilita: What took you so long to get to the spider? If it wasn't so busy mangling Urist McWoodcutterAndNewMason and McChiefMedicalDwarf, you'd be dead.
Urist McHerbalist: I understand you were sleepy. Seeing that after the spider died, you slept on the bed with the cooling corpse of Urist McWoodcutterAndNewMason, it's probably for the best that you only got there after the death of the GCS.

Adil Spiderslayer Gatesteppe, slayer of Dangerscorned, you have my deepest thanks. Congrats on running up to the spider, through seas of webbing being continually renewed by the foul beast, then PUNCHING in in the cephalothorax a couple times. It is dead. You killed it. With your FISTS. You used those same fists to kill a troglodyte a while back, but that matters little. You are being promoted to militia commander and given your predecessor's steel pick and quarters. Train with it, okay? You probably need it, seeing as how you've never picked one up in your life.


Sincerely,
GWG, Ovrsr.

-----

Dear Dolra, black-scaled tarantula with large mandibles and a poisonous bite,
You redundant moron, come and get it. We've got a new force to oppose you. You WILL fear the name of Adlil Spiderslayer if you decide to visit the land of Yelledpicks!
Bring.
It.
ON!

[Cyroth]

Dear children of Bulwarktowers

There is a reason why the tracks are mostly seperated from the rest of the fortress and are set as a restricted traffic area.
Please stop running into the minecrart tunnels in some stupid test of courage. All it does is getting yourself hurt and endangering actually useful dorfs who have to come into the tunnels to retrieve your broken remains after you got hit by a speeding iron minecart.

Sincerely,
The overseer


Dear Urist McBabymaker

Stop complaining about your 2 dead children, you still have 2 more and a baby left.
And stop tantruming, if you had raised them better then maybe they would not have crawled trough the restricted minecart tunnels.

Remember that happiness is mandatory, failing to be happy is treason.

Sincerely,
Friend overseer.

[Corai]

Dear MW caravans,



THE HELL DID YOU BRING A NUCLEAR STACK OF BOLTS? YOU SET EVERYTHING ON FIRE!

Love, your kobold overseer who is on fire.

[Callista]

Dear Urist McCrossdresser,

Yes, I know your preferences state that you "like dresses". For the record, I am an open-minded sort of overseer, and have no problem with your wearing as many dresses as your little bearded heart desires.

What I do not appreciate is when you run to the caravan mid-siege to shoplift crappy low-quality dresses, steal the dresses off goblin prisoners, and scatter them all over the Useless Migrants' Dormitory even though you have a bedroom and containers of your own, all while ignoring the nice masterwork clothing stacked neatly in our stockpiles.

Cross-dressing is all well and good, but can you please stop being so obnoxious about it? Dresses are NOT "the new socks", and you'll never convince the rest of the fort of it, no matter how often you risk life and limb to increase the size of your already voluminous wardrobe.

Your Limitedly Permissive Overseer

P.S. Consider yourself reassigned to the wood-cutting team. It was just too obvious to pass up. Also, now I have that song stuck in my head. Again.

[Niccolo]

Dear Goblin Ambushers;

For fuck's sake, learn to goddamn read. Do they not have dictionaries in Gobbotopia? Or are you all just that bloody stupid? It's not an ambush if I can predict your arrival to millisecond precision.

[Splint]

My bookkeepers usually give them away when weapons I don't have show up in the stocks....

[Niccolo]

Yeah, but I don't pay attention to the stocks page that often...

Also, after several dozen goblin ambushes have gotten chainsawed (Along with a pile of Elven caravans) there's a lot of extraneous rubbish on there that's still being sorted through.

Still - it's kinda at the point of "See merchant, look for goblins", which is frustrating - and not really an ambush.
...
Though, occasionally they do surprise me. Like when they come pouring out of the volcano. How they got in there is a mystery.