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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1501259 times)

codyorr

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3765 on: June 07, 2012, 06:20:00 pm »

Dearest Dwarfs,

Please stop filling the pit for the mist generator. When it over fills it traps dwarfs in corners and they drown.

Sincerely,
Mayor Cody

PS- After half of the fellow populance dies please discontinue suicidal behavior.
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Loud Whispers

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3766 on: June 07, 2012, 06:22:01 pm »

Dear Dwarves,
It's now the 5th time you've shot Asmel this year. She doesn't appreciate it.
Please stop shooting her.

~Sincerely, Overseer.
I'm assuming were-civet-ness prevents loyalty cascades from using Asmel for target practice?
Considering the lack of marksdwarves shooting each other, yep. Although it only takes one corpse to spark a zombie cascade.

I have now come to the conclusion that the large amount of zombie wildlife I'm keeping contained is actually forcing away the flying birds. 3 years, and not a single raven. I think I shall keep my zombies.

Broseph Stalin

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3767 on: June 07, 2012, 06:25:01 pm »

Considering the lack of marksdwarves shooting each other, yep. Although it only takes one corpse to spark a zombie cascade.

I have now come to the conclusion that the large amount of zombie wildlife I'm keeping contained is actually forcing away the flying birds. 3 years, and not a single raven. I think I shall keep my zombies.

It's probably just a few of the zombies. If you have creatures on your map that aren't in cages they prevent new animals from coming. You get it alot if you use chains to display captive wild animals.

Loud Whispers

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3768 on: June 07, 2012, 06:38:44 pm »

It's probably just a few of the zombies.



I might have quite a few zombies :x

WillowLuman

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3769 on: June 07, 2012, 06:39:57 pm »

But do you have a magma button? If you don't I see what the problem is here.
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ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3770 on: June 08, 2012, 05:43:50 am »

To; The Mountainhome Surveyors
Re; My Fortress Site

I was promised metal at this site.  Local on-site surveys of my own have revealed there is no metal at all on the map.  I am presently on my way back to the mountainhome with a large platinum warhammer and a displeased demeanor to discuss this matter in-person.

Sincerely;

The ex-Overseer.

hops

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3771 on: June 08, 2012, 06:20:14 am »

To the Great Armok,

We have organized bi-annual sacrifice ritual of 10 burning barrels of dwarven blood. Those are purely from the elephants.

Please tell them to stop hating us.

Sincerely, the Overseer
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Sus

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3772 on: June 08, 2012, 06:23:26 am »

Dear Dwarves,
It's now the 5th time you've shot Asmel this year. She doesn't appreciate it.
Please stop shooting her.

~Sincerely, Overseer.
I'm assuming were-civet-ness prevents loyalty cascades from using Asmel for target practice?
Not if you order the militia to attack her, as I recently and embarrassingly found out.  :-[
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tahujdt

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3773 on: June 08, 2012, 08:44:37 am »

To; The Mountainhome Surveyors
Re; My Fortress Site

I was promised metal at this site.  Local on-site surveys of my own have revealed there is no metal at all on the map.  I am presently on my way back to the mountainhome with a large platinum warhammer and a displeased demeanor to discuss this matter in-person.

Sincerely;

The ex-Overseer.

Dear Mister Ex-Overseer,
Where did you get the platinum for the warhammer?
Sincerely, The Mountainhome Surveyors
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ThatAussieGuy

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3774 on: June 08, 2012, 08:47:16 am »

To; The Mountainhome Surveyors
Re; My Fortress Site

I was promised metal at this site.  Local on-site surveys of my own have revealed there is no metal at all on the map.  I am presently on my way back to the mountainhome with a large platinum warhammer and a displeased demeanor to discuss this matter in-person.

Sincerely;

The ex-Overseer.

Dear Mister Ex-Overseer,
Where did you get the platinum for the warhammer?
Sincerely, The Mountainhome Surveyors

Dear Mountainhome Surveyors; 

Don't expect the Trade Caravan back home this year - They decided to donate their weapons and goods before spending the remainder of their short lives contemplating why Overseers shouldn't be lied to about geography.

tahujdt

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3775 on: June 08, 2012, 08:49:35 am »

To; The Mountainhome Surveyors
Re; My Fortress Site

I was promised metal at this site.  Local on-site surveys of my own have revealed there is no metal at all on the map.  I am presently on my way back to the mountainhome with a large platinum warhammer and a displeased demeanor to discuss this matter in-person.

Sincerely;

The ex-Overseer.

Dear Mister Ex-Overseer,
Where did you get the platinum for the warhammer?
Sincerely, The Mountainhome Surveyors

Dear Mountainhome Surveyors; 

Don't expect the Trade Caravan back home this year - They decided to donate their weapons and goods before spending the remainder of their short lives contemplating why Overseers shouldn't be lied to about geography.
Dear Mister Ex-Overseer,
How in Armok's name did the caravan get my warhammer! That is my best hammer! I can dispense justice with it!
Sincerely, Urist McHammerer
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I suggest that we add a clause permitting the keelhauling of anyone who suggests a plan involving "zombify the crew".
Quote from: MNII
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GreatWyrmGold

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3776 on: June 08, 2012, 09:29:36 am »

Dear Splint,
When beak wolves are sieging the fortress, you can wait to grab that plump helmet.
Dear Shem McMason,
Erm, try not to store those plants right now. You'll have to charge right past those beak wolves and their giant grasshopper to...okay, you're running, pick up the barrel and return to the fortress...
Dear Spears of Urging,
Good job! Those metal spears we got from the caravan really help, don't they?
Dear Constructive Fortresses,
Don't charge into m...never mind.
Dear BerserkNINJA,
Recover quickly. You need to discipline the sherrif.

Sincerely,
GreatWyrmBrass.
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Muddy Mudstone

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3777 on: June 08, 2012, 10:04:45 am »

Dear Mr. Clashpalace, adequate animal dissector, and Mr. Palacewaned, adequate animal caretaker,
It sounds as if you might be able to provide work for each other. If not, why did you come here? Can you pump?

Your unconsulted host.

Additional
To: all new arrivals

I see you are having a hard time adjusting from your big city lifestyles. Now get out of the hole, and stop trying to clean up the mud. There is supposed to be mud here. This is what we call a "swamp". Those machines are "pumps" - I'll tell you more about those later - and the deep pit you are trying to clean up is an "unfinished aquifer shaft".

I will reiterate this message to each of you in person.
« Last Edit: June 08, 2012, 11:08:32 am by Muddy Mudstone »
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EmperorJon

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3778 on: June 08, 2012, 12:51:24 pm »

Dear Snugbo,

Bring your friends!

Love, Urist

Dear Urist,

Is it ok if the Snurflildieehgeissdlkgejis guys come along too?
I know they're Kobolds, but they've not been to a good party in ages!

Snugbo.
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crazysheep

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #3779 on: June 08, 2012, 07:36:49 pm »

Dear Urists,

Please stop stockpiling shiny blue metal threads in the hospital coffers and cloth stockpiles where they don't belong. You are depriving the smelters of the strands they use for work.

Love, your overseer

PS: Stop dyeing those shiny blue metal threads too.


Dear Snugbo,

Bring your friends!

Love, Urist

Dear Urist,

Is it ok if the Snurflildieehgeissdlkgejis guys come along too?
I know they're Kobolds, but they've not been to a good party in ages!

Snugbo.
Dear Snugbo,

Bring them too, make sure they announce themselves when they come along!

Love, Urist.
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