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[TD1]

Conform to Aquina's Fith Way, in which Beneficial Order shows that creatures incapable of working towards a common goal, as they lack the intelligence to do so, must be directed by a higher authority. In this case, that is the overseer; if the overseer wills it, then Urist will do it. Unless its to do with staying away from socks (They have a sordid love affair)

WWUD if he were Urist McPhilosopher.

[Tawa]

Urist McPhilosopher cancels work: thinking. Wait, dwarves don't think. Philosophers are the most useless dwarves of all.

WWUD if he was a cat?

[WoobMonkey]

This is a masterwork engraving by Urist McPhilosopher.  On the engraving is a picture of a right-angle triangle, the symbol of The Pythagorean Chasms, a local Dwarven government.  Engraved is a picture of the dwarf Urist McSpinoza.  The dwarf Urist McSpinoza is surrounded by cheese.  The cheese is broken into monads. This picture relates to the nomination of Urist McSpinoza to the post of Official Thinker of The Pythagorean Chasms.  Engraved is a picture of Fath McNietzsche and dwarves.  The dwarves are cowering.  Fath McNietzsche is pontificating.  This picture relates to the prophecy of the UberDorf, related in the year 298.  Engraved is a picture of a cheese surrounded by abstract epiphenomena.  The picture relates to the publication of the book All Mind Is Merely Cheese by the dwarf Dennett McUberrealist in the year 476.

WWUD if offered correspondance courses in Goblin as a Second Language?

edit: ninja'd

[TD1]

This is a masterwork engraving by Urist McPhilosopher.  On the engraving is a picture of a right-angle triangle, the symbol of The Pythagorean Chasms, a local Dwarven government.  Engraved is a picture of the dwarf Urist McSpinoza.  The dwarf Urist McSpinoza is surrounded by cheese.  The cheese is broken into monads. This picture relates to the nomination of Urist McSpinoza to the post of Official Thinker of The Pythagorean Chasms.  Engraved is a picture of Fath McNietzsche and dwarves.  The dwarves are cowering.  Fath McNietzsche is pontificating.  This picture relates to the prophecy of the UberDorf, related in the year 298.  Engraved is a picture of a cheese surrounded by abstract epiphenomena.  The picture relates to the publication of the book All Mind Is Merely Cheese by the dwarf Dennett McUberrealist in the year 476.

WWUD if offered correspondance courses in Goblin as a Second Language?

edit: ninja'd

((XD One hell of an answer.))

He would agree to said course and speak gibberish to get through (Nine out of ten couldn't tell the difference!) then, on an exchange student placement, he murders all students. They're goblin, you see; but it's better than what happened to the exchange student who went to the fortress. Faster...

WWUD if he had a cheese the size of a dinner plate?

[sal880612m]

Urist McEngraver carves a Masterwork engraving of dinner plate size cheese on all the walls. The engraving contains an image of a dwarf and cheese, the dwarf is engraving the walls with and image of a dwarf and cheese.
Urist McEngraver carves a Masterwork engraving of dinner plate size cheese on all the floors. The engraving contains an image of a dwarf and cheese, the dwarf is engraving the floors with and image of a dwarf and cheese.

Urist McEngraver cause the world to end before he can eat the cheese due to FPS death upon inspection of engravings as the CPU tries to cope with the infinitely recursive nature of the above engravings.

WWUD if he caused the end of the world?

[WoobMonkey]

'Ho, hum, must be a Saturday.'

WWUD if the Kitchen had a deep-fryer?

[IronTomato]

Delicious +potato fries+.
Urist enjoyed a good meal lately.

WWUD If a fast food restaurant opened in the fort?

[WoobMonkey]

Urist McFrycook cancels render fat into tallow: job item used in gravy.

WWUD if every feline could adopt, the way kittens do?

[sal880612m]

Urist McHauler cancels move item to stockpile, interrupted by enraged stray tiger.
Urist McHauler was adopted by stray tiger.
Urist McHauler cancels feed pet, bleeding.
Urist McHauler was killed by stray tiger.

WWUD if he could ride dragons?

[Eric Blank]

Ride them through an elf retreat, merrily making ‼elves‼, then ‼Urist‼ and promptly dying.

WWUD if there was nothing to eat or drink in the fortress?

[mate888]

Urist cancels killing kobold thief: Kobold thief eaten.
WWUD if he woke up a morning noticing he ate a kobold thief last nigth?

[WoobMonkey]

'Urist, why are you mining out all of the chalk deposits, and not the hematite I specifically requested you dig?'

'Well, chief, y'see, I gots this turrible heartburn, y'know....'

WWUD if the only weapons he had were toothpicks?

[sal880612m]

Urist McToothpick has become a Legendary Acupuncturist.

WWUD if he couldn't grow a beard?

[CrzyMonkeyNinja]

He would modify the raws and regain the ability.

WWUD if he had a vision of Dwarf Fortress version 1.0?

[Eric Blank]

Share his vision with his comrades. They decide he's gone stark raving mad, and sure enough he soon dies of thirst.

WWUD if DF 1.0 didn't allow him to build magma pump stacks?