1st Granite, 254
As the clock strikes midnight I am carrying a birchen bin full of gold and basalt to a stockpile. It weighs 490 urists. Four-hundred-elf-humpin'-ninety urists. What is wrong with these forumites?
The "leaders" of this place, I am convinced, are completely insane. I don't just mean your typical names-his-axe-Betty quirky, either -- I mean full-blown, red-eyed, spittle-flying, dancing-naked-in-a-pool-of-my-own-blood elfshit nuts. Nothing else could explain this place.
We have 38 servings of booze. Total. I should know, because I counted every single one of 'em. It's my job, and I do it well! We have 36 dwarves, and 38 servings of booze in 8 containers. Do you know what happens when a dwarf doesn't get his booze? Remember the dancing-naked-in-a-pool-of-my-own-blood part? Yeah. That.
You know the best part? I bet you can't guess the best part. You can't even imagine it. So I'll just tell you. Three of those eight containers of booze are above ground, outside, across the river, next to Iden Routlashes's corpse. Iden was haxxored to pieces over there. Are you thirsty? Really thirsty? How thirsty are you? Thirsty enough to charge through the haxxors and thrips and werebeasts and vampires and thread zombies and whatever the hell else is out there?
Two barrels of booze are in the basalt stockpile 6 levels below ground -- a total of 10 servings. A third barrel is being drunk from, in that same stockpile. The other two containers of booze are personal waterskins, the first lying on the floor of the barracks where the MC HAMMER SQUAD is supposed to be training, and the last in Mebzuth Clashstaves's pocket.
Now, far be it from me to try to tell the military dwarves how to militate, but I do know not-a-small-amount about military supplies. For example, look at our militia commander, 'apiks' as she likes to be called. She's giving some prickle berries to one of the wounded -- very noble, I'm sure -- but she's doing so while dressed entirely in civilian clothing. She's a legendary miner, with no pick. Why is that? I snuck into the barracks and looked at their inventory engravings. Apparently she's assigned herself a fine little (+bismuth bronze pick+). And where is that pick? It's in a bin, being carried to a stockpile by 'Tekelija'. That's just one example, but by Armok, this is the commander of the entire militia!
But hell, I'm just the archiver. Don't bother listening to me. I only know exactly what we have, how much of it, and where it is. What I don't know is what's going to happen to us -- but I'm absolutely sure it's going to be horrible.
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Topic: Necrothreat - Teh LOLmod succession fort - PG2 FOR DETAILS (Read 227473 times)