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[Cryxis, Prince of Doom]

That women are all evil

It's a terrible joke so it fits in here

[Avis-Mergulus]

Okay! So it's time for another Rzhevsky joke! Or two! Warning, bad words abound!

Spoiler: Poruchik Rzhevsky and the Ballroom Wall (click to show/hide)

So the Rostovs are hosting a grand ball. Suddenly Rzhevsky runs into the ballroom, unzips his fly and starts whizzing all over the wall. Turning his head to meet the shocked stares of the assembled Russian nobility, he angrily barks, "Well, you dumbasses picked a righteous fucking place to host your dance party!"

Spoiler: Poruchik Rzhevsky and the Bathroom Window (click to show/hide)

Rzhevsky gets invited to a banquet, and his friend Pushkin doesn't, and is very upset about this. So Rzhevsky tells him that he will open the bathroom window when he's inside, so Pushkin can climb in and get past the face control. True enough, he does just that.
Afterwards, he is dancing with a lady, and she notices his fly is down. So she says,
-Poruchik, you should close the window [Russian colloqiual expression meaning "zip up your fly"]
And he replies,
-Why, that would spoil all the fun! Soon my curly-haired friend will climb through that window, and I'll undoubtedly introduce you to him!

Spoiler: Poruchik Rzhevsky and the Secrets of Astronomy (click to show/hide)

Rzhevsky is at a banquet. He gets up from his table and says,
-Welp, gotta go take a piss.
-How rude, poruchik! A gentleman would say, "I think I shall go gaze at the stars".
Rzhevsky goes, returns, and reaches for his wineglass. He is admonished,
-Ugh, poruchik! You could have washed your hands first, you know!
-Don't you worry, I held the telescope with my other hand

Spoiler: Poruchik Rzhevsky and the Extra Candle (click to show/hide)

So Rzhevsky's hussar platoon is invited to a banquet that the princess Golitsyna is hosting. She says to Rzhevsky:
-Poruchik, count Obolensky has made me a gift of a seven chandeliers for seven candles each. I have fifty candles, so after I inserted them all, I still have one left over. Where should I put it, what do you think?

A colossal intake of breath from the assembled hussars follows. Rzhevsky turns and shouts:
-NOT A WORD, GENTLEMEN! NOT A WORD ABOUT THE CUNT!

Spoiler: Poruchik Rzhevsky and the Echo (click to show/hide)

So the good poruchik wanders out onto the balcony with Natasha, and he says to her:
- Ah, Natasha, what a wonderful night it is today! Look how brightly the stars shine!
-...otten asshole! - says the echo, out of habit.

[Comrade P.]

Most of Rzhevsky jokes are hardly translatable, though, because they are based on colloquial phrases and puns.

[SirQuiamus]

Whurrrt? Nevermind that.
A monkey and a donkey were walking down the road. The monkey looked at the donkey and said: "Jesus Christ, you've got a big-ass dick!," and Jesus replied: "Uh-huh. And so does my donkey."

[Helgoland]

Spoiler: Poruchik Rzhevsky and the Secrets of Astronomy (click to show/hide)

Rzhevsky is at a banquet. He gets up from his table and says,
-Welp, gotta go take a piss.
-How rude, poruchik! A gentleman would say, "I think I shall go gaze at the stars".
Rzhevsky goes, returns, and reaches for his wineglass. He is admonished,
-Ugh, poruchik! You could have washed your hands first, you know!
-Don't you worry, I held the telescope with my other hand

Spoiler: Poruchik Rzhevsky and the Extra Candle (click to show/hide)

So Rzhevsky's hussar platoon is invited to a banquet that the princess Golitsyna is hosting. She says to Rzhevsky:
-Poruchik, count Obolensky has made me a gift of a seven chandeliers for seven candles each. I have fifty candles, so after I inserted them all, I still have one left over. Where should I put it, what do you think?

A colossal intake of breath from the assembled hussars follows. Rzhevsky turns and shouts:
-NOT A WORD, GENTLEMEN! NOT A WORD ABOUT THE CUNT!

Loved those two. What's the 'otten' in the last one from, though?

[Avis-Mergulus]

"Rotten". In the original, it was a generic exclamation related to having had relations with yo momma, so I just made something up on the spot.

[Antsan]

"Rotten". In the original, it was a generic exclamation related to having had relations with yo momma, so I just made something up on the spot.

Let me guess:

Spoiler: foul language (click to show/hide)

Юб твоё мать

[Comrade P.]

"Rotten". In the original, it was a generic exclamation related to having had relations with yo momma, so I just made something up on the spot.

Let me guess:

Spoiler: foul language (click to show/hide)

Юб твоё мать

It's

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Ёб твою мать [yob tvoyu mat']

actually

[Antsan]

Ah, thanks! Only heard it before and it sounded very much like a 'Ю'.
And I was even so very sure about "твоё", but those Russian lessons where so long ago…

[hops]

I swear, once I'm done with studying German, I will study Russian.

Well, at least after I learn chinese, korean, japanese, and lojban.

[Comrade P.]

So you are willing to learn some of the hardest-to-learn languages in existence?

[Bumblebee]

Russian can't be more difficult than Greek (At least ancient-greek, which is just awful) or Latin. Those great civilasations of the past were developed enough to have languages with all the trouble-causing accusative, dative and other cases and grammatic genders and everything just like in russian.
That's why they disappeared, children.

And the best language to learn ever is the Nganasan language! Do you know what is the nganasan for "comrade", for example? It's "nya" ^_^  Isn't it a weighty reason to study it?    ~cuuute language~~~~cawaii language~

[Orange Wizard]

Lies and slander. The very best language is Q.

QQQ QQQQ QQ QQQQQQ Q QQQQ QQQ?

[Bumblebee]

The Q is perfect. Q is beyond comparison. Q is as natural as breath.

And Nganasan is a language worth STUDYING.  That's it.  Q?

[Orange Wizard]

QQQQQ! QQQ QQQ QQ Q QQQQ! QQQQQ QQ QQQ? Q QQQQ QQQ QQQ QQ!?

Spoiler: Translation (click to show/hide)

That is a fascinating dissertation on the subject, my friend. Perhaps we should discuss the matter further once we have both had a chance to conduct more research.