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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 661046 times)

Urist McScoopbeard

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #465 on: March 24, 2014, 06:13:40 pm »
Quote from: Mr. Strange on March 24, 2014, 06:04:21 pm
What's the difference between black jew and a white jew?

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that is more undescribably racist than... I can... describe!
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This conversation is getting disturbing fast, disturbingly erotic.

Dutchling

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #466 on: March 24, 2014, 06:36:11 pm »
This thread brings back memories.

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Why didn't the Jews fight in the war?
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How do you get ten Jews in a car?
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How do you get them out of the car?
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What's better than winning gold at the Paralympics?
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Who invented the triathlon?
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The mayors of Pisa, Paris, and New York are sitting in the pub. The mayor of Pisa says "When you stand on top of the Tower of Pisa, you can see the whole city!". The mayor of Paris is not impressed and says "When you stand on top of the Eiffel-tower you can not only see the entire city but also parts of the countryside!". The mayor of New York wants to top his two friends and says "When you stand on top of the World Trade Center you see... remarkable little". 
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LeoLeonardoIII

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #467 on: March 24, 2014, 06:39:08 pm »
Quote from: Dutchling on March 24, 2014, 06:36:11 pm
Quote
The mayors of Pisa, Paris, and New York are sitting in the pub. The mayor of Pisa says "When you stand on top of the Tower of Pisa, you can see the whole city!". The mayor of Paris is not impressed and says "When you stand on top of the Eiffel-tower you can not only see the entire city but also parts of the countryside!". The mayor of New York wants to top his two friends and says "When you stand on top of the World Trade Center you see... remarkable little". 
The joke is that the memorial is stupid and they should have chosen a better design :/
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My Name is Immaterial

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #468 on: March 24, 2014, 06:56:13 pm »
Two men walk into a bar.
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How many gorillas does it take to change a light bulb?
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Comrade P.

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #469 on: March 25, 2014, 02:33:14 am »
From jokes above I liked Helgoland's submarine joke, and it reminded me:

So, it is Cold war, and soviet and US atomic submarines with nuclear rockets are on the filed training.
In Soviet submarine, commander yells:
 - WHO THREW A FRECKING BOOT ONTO CONTROL PANEL?!
 - *silence in soviet submarine*
 - WHO THREW THAT YOU MAGGOTS?
The radio was on due to the terms of international training, and US commander makes a remark:
 - How undisciplined you russkies are! In America...
... but he is interrupted by Soviet commander who continues to yell:
 - THERE IS NO AMERICA NOW, YOU FOOL! WHO THREW THE BOOT ONTO CONTROL PANEL?!

And yet another horrible submarine joke:

Check-up on the submarine which is on a long raid right now:
 - Johnson?
 - Here!
 - Jackson?
 - Here!
 - Smith?
Nobody answers
 - Smith! SMITH!
 - Alright, alright, here I am.
 - AND WHERE WOULD YOU GO FROM A FRECKING SUBMARINE?!

Most horrible submarine jokes I heard.
« Last Edit: March 25, 2014, 04:58:39 am by Comrade P. »
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Sigs

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Avis-Mergulus

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #470 on: March 25, 2014, 03:49:38 am »
The last one lost something in translation, but yeah. "And where would you go from a submarine" is already a Russian metaphor and a pre-Internet meme.

Another military one.
So basically, a sergeant asks his men: "OI, MAGGOTS! Do any of you know any radioelectronics? Somebody has to fix the radio on the APC." One private steps forward and asks, "And is the radio on lamps, or on transistors?" The sergeant rolls his eyes and answers: "For the deaf, I repeat: it's on the APC!"

Do other countries have the "Dig a trench from here to dinnertime" joke?
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scrdest

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #471 on: March 25, 2014, 04:17:10 am »
Yes, military definition of spacetime. Though it might be a Warsaw Pact thing.
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Sheb

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #472 on: March 25, 2014, 04:30:18 am »
We don't really have army jokes here, due to not really having an army (It's more like an heavily armed social program.  :P). Seriously, something like 40% of Belgian soldiers are overweight. Yay for subsidized beer on military bases!

Anyway, we do have a lot of frankly horrible pedophile joke. Don't read if you're the kind of person that can be shocked by well, anything.

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Comrade P.

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #473 on: March 25, 2014, 05:06:29 am »
I wish to derail this thread from pedophile jokes back to army jokes.

 - Soldiers! Today we are to moce these bricks of heavy metal luminium!
 - Sir, it's aluminium, and it's pretty light metal, sir!
 - Okay! The smartest of you maggots will move bricks of light metal pigironium!

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Sigs

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Guardian G.I.

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #474 on: March 25, 2014, 05:14:22 am »
Quote from: Comrade P. on March 25, 2014, 05:06:29 am
I wish to derail this thread from pedophile jokes back to army jokes.

 - Soldiers! Today we are to moce these bricks of heavy metal luminium!
 - Sir, it's aluminium, and it's pretty light metal, sir!
 - Okay! The smartest of you maggots will move bricks of light metal pigironium!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
In Russian pigironium sounds funnier - Чугуниум (Chugunium).
There are also (terrible) jokes about bombs made out of that material.
The destructive radius of the Chugunium bomb equals the radius of the Chugunium bomb. In order to hit a sector with a Chugunium bomb, one has to drop a sector-shaped Chugunium bomb at it.
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Quote from: LordSlowpoke on June 08, 2014, 03:27:09 pm
this means that a donation of 30 dollars to a developer that did not deliver would equal 4.769*10^-14 hitlers stolen from you
that's like half a femtohitler
and that is terrible
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Helgoland

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #475 on: March 25, 2014, 07:40:07 am »
The Nazis actually did pretty much that in WWII - hooray for British naval blockades!
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Comrade P.

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #476 on: March 25, 2014, 07:46:27 am »
Quote from: Helgoland on March 25, 2014, 07:40:07 am
The Nazis actually did pretty much that in WWII - hooray for British naval blockades!
O_O
Nazis used chugunium bombs. I never knew.
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Sigs

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Knit tie

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #477 on: March 25, 2014, 10:37:07 am »
Lenin had a famous saying: "To study, study and study".

Officer: Today, soldiers, we're gonna study...uh...study...
Voice from the formation: And study!
Officer: Who said that?
Voice from the formation: Lenin!
Officer: Private Lenin will be cleaning the latrines this weekend for talking during drills!

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Descan

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #478 on: March 25, 2014, 10:44:09 am »
Well if you make a bullet out of pig iron...
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Dutchling

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #479 on: March 25, 2014, 11:20:03 am »
What breaks when you give it to a toddler?
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