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Author Topic: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves  (Read 1498697 times)

Doktoro Reichard

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5625 on: March 02, 2014, 06:45:42 pm »

Dear Ingish Zonkulet Nòmidek.

What insanely good reason you or any other dwarf by that matter have for you to become called as "the Godly Brain", when you yourself are renowned for having poor analytical abilities and an iffy memory. For heaven's sake, you even dislike intellectual discussions.

Unless you defeated a giant floating brain, there is no good reason for you to be called as such. And no, you didn't defeat a giant floating brain. You defeated a demon moose and a towering beetle spider and a couple of goblins.

Your confused overseer.
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I have to write something... well here goes:
"A dwarf isn't a dwarf unless he dies the most !!FUN!! of ways", Quote unknown, possibly Armok.

Doktoro Reichard is quite pleased with making a Great Carbonite Trap

Why shouldn't you write with a broken pencil? Because it's pointless!

WanderingKid

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5626 on: March 02, 2014, 07:29:49 pm »

Dear Traders visiting FurnaceClans...

We have sealed the inner doors to the fortress because you fools INSIST on leaving via the OMG.  While amusing, we don't want your trash goods.  Please leave the way you came in.

No... really.  3 months later you're still doing doughnuts in front of the trade depot instead of leaving.  Go away already.

.... okay, You arrived in Fall.  It's now SUMMER.  GO HOME.

... sigh....

ImagoDeo

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5627 on: March 02, 2014, 11:19:20 pm »

Dear Traders visiting FurnaceClans...

We have sealed the inner doors to the fortress because you fools INSIST on leaving via the OMG.  While amusing, we don't want your trash goods.  Please leave the way you came in.

No... really.  3 months later you're still doing doughnuts in front of the trade depot instead of leaving.  Go away already.

.... okay, You arrived in Fall.  It's now SUMMER.  GO HOME.

... sigh....

This is what I hate about complex fortress layouts. I have a huge underground tree farm in Valefortress where merchants will occasionally (when I forget to close the gates) wander for months before finding their way out through the 3-wide map-edge-restricted exploitative path.  No wagons ever got in there, because they couldn't path down, but every time I left the hatch open I'd have several elves or humans or even dwarves wandering down there for months. It infuriated me to watch the pathing algorithms fail over and over and over until finally they wandered close enough to find a way to the actual map's edge. Always worried that they'd go berserk and murder some of my smiths or wreck my magma forges or something...
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What would it be like to live in a world that was copy/pasted? Would we even notice? If not, how many times have we switched celestial harddrives or whatever?

Punching Bag

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5628 on: March 03, 2014, 12:47:18 am »

Dear Urist McHammerlord,

I know that the death of that woodcutter due to goblins is bad, but please don't run into another Hammerlord's room and kill him. It may just cause the rest of my military to flip the fuck out and slaughter everyone before becoming melancholy/stark raving mad.

Signed, your kind pissed overseer.
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enizer

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5629 on: March 03, 2014, 12:44:56 pm »

dear Urist McMayor
re: forgotten beast

we just had our first forgotten beast show up in the cavens, giant mite, no special attributes.. and you simply run up to it, and BITE it, in the BRAIN?
the entire combat log is just 6 actions, and only two of them yours.
aside from that epic feat, i have a couple of questions
do you have some food preferences you havent shared with us, and feel are lacking?
what do forgotten beast brains taste like?
and last but not least, how did you become mayor while most of your time is spent busy with military duties?
you have not had time to make friends with anyone,
from looking at statistics, the majority of the fort dosnt even know who you are?
« Last Edit: March 03, 2014, 12:47:58 pm by enizer »
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Grim Portent

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5630 on: March 03, 2014, 12:56:01 pm »

and BITE it, in the BRAIN?

Promote this dwarf.
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There once was a dwarf in a cave,
who many would consider brave.
With a head like a block
he went out for a sock,
his ass I won't bother to save.

callisto8413

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5631 on: March 03, 2014, 04:34:46 pm »

Dear McLazyDwarfs,

I understand the dead Minotaur is heavy.  But I asked for it to be dumped over a year ago.  It isn't that far from where it died to the dumping area.  In fact, when I brought some zones and stockpiles into the protective walls, I moved it closer.   :(

And the fact that it is heavy is no excuse.  Two of you moved the giant mole and the FORGOTTEN BEAST all the way from Hell to the surface without being ASKED!  They were still warm from being killed by the militia.  Nobody grumbled about that.   :o

Also that does not excuse the fact that there are dead rats, hamsters, goblins, and gray langurs all over the place!  They are in no way that heavy - many were brought in by the cats.  For crying out loud you have dead vermin in the tavern!  Right next to the still!  I know many of you are eating with your bare hands and don't wash yourself and drink right out of the barrels, but come on!  There is a hamster right next to the brewing equipment!  That's sick!   :'(

And what is with all the dead deer, bears and wolves you guys killed and then refused to bring in?  Were you sick of meat?  Don't you like meat in your diet?  You walk over half the map just to go fishing!  Don't tell you you don't like meat!   We have a herd of pigs and a million chickens!   ::)

The bone carvers are SCREAMING for bones and nobody can walk over to the corpses that we DO put away in the stockpile to get one for them?  Come on!   >:(

For love of Armok, take a few more steps to fall asleep IN a bed.  It is embarrassing to find you guys snoring in the middle of a room, on the dirty floor, when there are a dozen empty beds within reach.   And I will not even bring up the Hunters who fall asleep in the middle of a hunt leaving a wounded animal to slowly DIE from the dozen of bolts that were shot into it!   :-[

The Overseer
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The most EVIL creature in Dwarf Fortress!

NullForceOmega

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5632 on: March 03, 2014, 04:45:34 pm »

Attention overseer, please ensure that your workers are allowed to haul outside trash in the 'o'rders menu, thank you.
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Grey morality is for people who wish to avoid retribution for misdeeds.

NullForceOmega is an immortal neanderthal who has been an amnesiac for the past 5000 years.

ImagoDeo

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5633 on: March 03, 2014, 04:45:51 pm »

Dear Miner,

If there is a space for you to stand other than on top of the square you are channeling, it may be a good idea to do so.

Especially if you are digging in or near an aquifer.

Especially ESPECIALLY if you are currently holding our fort's only pickaxe.

Sincerely,
Barely Contained Rage Previously Known As Overseer ImagoDeo
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What would it be like to live in a world that was copy/pasted? Would we even notice? If not, how many times have we switched celestial harddrives or whatever?

Nidilap

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5634 on: March 03, 2014, 05:51:32 pm »

Dear, Urist McSurgeon,

Remember that siege we had a few months ago, and how our fearless soldiers went forth to end it? Remember our heavy casualties, despite of our victory? Remember why you are the Surgeon? START DOING YOUR JOB AND CARE FOR THE FEW SOLDIERS STILL ALIVE! You have the equipment, and skill, and job order!

Signed, your loving, great, mighty, amazing overseer, Nidilap

P.S., I installed a well in the hospital. Go nuts.
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Nidilap likes Adamantine, Bituminous Coal, Garnets, Cats for their aloofness, Dwarves for their stupidity, and Swords for their Spikes and edges. When possible, he prefers to eat pizza, ramen noodles, and sushi. He absolutely detests elves and spiders. He needs MTN DEW to get through the working day.

A medium- sized creature prone to great ambition, but only when he feels like it.

Knit tie

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5635 on: March 03, 2014, 06:45:59 pm »

Dear Nil McCook and his wife Todok McMiner,

Please. Stop. Breeding. You are both in fucking traction, for god's sake!

Your seriously concerned for your health Overseer.
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blazing glory

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5636 on: March 03, 2014, 10:44:44 pm »

Dear Nil McCook and his wife Todok McMiner,

Please. Stop. Breeding. You are both in fucking traction, for god's sake!

Your seriously concerned for your health Overseer.

Baby cannon! weaponise it!
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Knit tie

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5637 on: March 03, 2014, 11:07:16 pm »

Well the babies aren't propelled. They just kinda fall out.
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klefenz

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5638 on: March 03, 2014, 11:31:55 pm »

Dear Nil McCook and his wife Todok McMiner,

Please. Stop. Breeding. You are both in fucking traction, for god's sake!

Your seriously concerned for your health Overseer.

Great! BDSM dwarves, what's next?

WanderingKid

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Re: Note to Urist--In which you express your frustration to your dwarves
« Reply #5639 on: March 04, 2014, 01:19:03 am »

Dear Nil McCook and his wife Todok McMiner,

Please. Stop. Breeding. You are both in fucking traction, for god's sake!

Your seriously concerned for your health Overseer.

Great! BDSM dwarves, what's next?

We knew that.  You ever seen how often the frickin' dwarves simply MOVE IN to the damned jail cells?  They eat the inmate out of food and booze!
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