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Author Topic: The friendly and polite Europe related terrible jokes thread  (Read 1007930 times)

ChairmanPoo

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9285 on: December 11, 2018, 03:18:18 am »

The same way the mace got in. Ceremonial implements. The British are fond of this stuff you know. Pull a sword from that rock and you're king, pull a mace from that other and you're head of parliament. No idea what the usher swords give you but it seems they might make you an orderly in the British parliament, so not so good. Go for the mace instead. Work/life balance and wages seem betterq

I like to think that it's original meaning was not symbolical and it was actually used as an enhaced, more compelling version of modern party whips.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2018, 04:26:07 am by ChairmanPoo »
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ChairmanPoo

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9286 on: December 11, 2018, 04:40:31 am »

Blind mystic Baba Vanga's 2019 predictions - after foreseeing 9/11 and Brexit
Baba Vanga - known as the 'Nostradamus of the Balkans' - claimed Vladimr Putin will be the target of an assassination attempt while Europe will see an economic collapse next year




Folks, I'm going to miss British newspapers when you leave the EU
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wierd

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9287 on: December 11, 2018, 04:48:38 am »

Is she going to choke to death on a sore throat lozenge?
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wobbly

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9288 on: December 11, 2018, 05:13:07 am »

Can any British person here explain what was that stuff about a labor mp grabbing a  mace?
Edit
Quote
Russell-Moyle later said he acted “on the spur of the moment” because of his frustration MPs were not being listened to. Speaking from the Red Lion pub just outside Parliament, the Labour MP said:

The symbolic gesture of lifting the mace and removing it is that the will of Parliament to govern is no longer there has been removed.

I felt Parliament had effectively given up its sovereign right to govern properly. They stopped me before I got out of the Chamber and I wasn’t going to struggle with someone wearing a huge sword on their hip.
You were wielding a huge mace you gigantic pussy! Just shout "What is dead may never die!" and deliver summary executive power!

I heard a prophecy that who ever bears the legendary sceptre of fire would be true heir to all of Westminster. The rest I assume is just the usual cosplay that makes up a well functioning parliament.
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Kagus

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9289 on: December 11, 2018, 05:21:07 am »

Is she going to choke to death on a sore throat lozenge?
She never saw it coming...


In other (Norwegian) news; a professor at the University of Stavanger was fired after a number of unsolicited sexually inappropriate messages he'd sent to multiple women, including colleagues and other university employees, were revealed and released to the press.

He is now suing the board of education for firing him "without reason", and says that this is all the fault of the media. For publicizing messages indicating he'd been harassing women about letting him lick their buttholes.

Messages that he'd sent.

To women.

About licking their butts.



We need to address the problem at its source! We need to stop the press from reporting these issues and getting the public unfairly involved!

ChairmanPoo

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9290 on: December 11, 2018, 05:25:42 am »

Is she going to choke to death on a sore throat lozenge?
She never saw it coming...


In other (Norwegian) news; a professor at the University of Stavanger was fired after a number of unsolicited sexually inappropriate messages he'd sent to multiple women, including colleagues and other university employees, were revealed and released to the press.

He is now suing the board of education for firing him "without reason", and says that this is all the fault of the media. For publicizing messages indicating he'd been harassing women about letting him lick their buttholes.

Messages that he'd sent.

To women.

About licking their butts.



We need to address the problem at its source! We need to stop the press from reporting these issues and getting the public unfairly involved!

I don't know what you're talking about. I only see a concerned citizen who cares about his colleagues and offers to assist in grooming and personal hygiene
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Teneb

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9291 on: December 11, 2018, 05:42:57 am »

Is she going to choke to death on a sore throat lozenge?
She never saw it coming...


In other (Norwegian) news; a professor at the University of Stavanger was fired after a number of unsolicited sexually inappropriate messages he'd sent to multiple women, including colleagues and other university employees, were revealed and released to the press.

He is now suing the board of education for firing him "without reason", and says that this is all the fault of the media. For publicizing messages indicating he'd been harassing women about letting him lick their buttholes.

Messages that he'd sent.

To women.

About licking their butts.



We need to address the problem at its source! We need to stop the press from reporting these issues and getting the public unfairly involved!

I don't know what you're talking about. I only see a concerned citizen who cares about his colleagues and offers to assist in grooming and personal hygiene

How DARE the press bring POLITICS into personal grooming!?!?!?!?
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wierd

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9292 on: December 11, 2018, 09:14:44 am »

sMAYgol confirmed to have insisted on "no room whatsoever" to compromise on her deal for a Brexit.

(Rumors that she muttered and cursed to herself remain unsubstantiated.)
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smjjames

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9293 on: December 11, 2018, 10:27:39 am »

The same way the mace got in. Ceremonial implements. The British are fond of this stuff you know. Pull a sword from that rock and you're king, pull a mace from that other and you're head of parliament. No idea what the usher swords give you but it seems they might make you an orderly in the British parliament, so not so good. Go for the mace instead. Work/life balance and wages seem betterq

I like to think that it's original meaning was not symbolical and it was actually used as an enhaced, more compelling version of modern party whips.

Made me think of that guy who fended off a guy with a gun with a similar sort of ceremonial mace. It's likely more that he had no intention of a physical confrontation than specifically the guy with the huge sword.

Blind mystic Baba Vanga's 2019 predictions - after foreseeing 9/11 and Brexit
Baba Vanga - known as the 'Nostradamus of the Balkans' - claimed Vladimr Putin will be the target of an assassination attempt while Europe will see an economic collapse next year




Folks, I'm going to miss British newspapers when you leave the EU


I misread that initially as Baba Yaga. Apparently the assassination on Putin would be an inside job, isn't that generally true of dictators? Often times the biggest threats are the ones close to you who want power rather than from the outside.

Also, this one made me lol 'Donald Trump will fall ill with a mystery illness, leaving him deaf and suffering from brain trauma.' You can interpret that one in ALL SORTS of ways.

sMAYgol confirmed to have insisted on "no room whatsoever" to compromise on her deal for a Brexit.

(Rumors that she muttered and cursed to herself remain unsubstantiated.)

You mean sJUNCKERgol because it was Juncker who said that, not May. Yes, I know it ruins the pun.
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Loud Whispers

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9294 on: December 11, 2018, 02:48:24 pm »

We do not dig too continental lest we awaken the juncker of morgoth

TD1

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9295 on: December 11, 2018, 03:44:03 pm »

"It is this deal or no deal! This is totally the best deal!"

If the person you're selling a car to says that, you know it's a bad sign.

Anyway, presumably Juncker and co are hoping for one of two things. A deal which they like and which shows other nations the folly of leaving or a Brexitmas in which the Grinch steals Brexit.

In reality, I suspect they're just pushing us further and further into the arms of no deal. The deal is unacceptable and the idea of not Brexiting, while legally possible, is technically impossible.

In other words: There are three paths. One towards The Immovable and Absolute Deal, one towards the abolition of Brexitmas, and the other towards No Deal. No one wants the last, but if the other two paths are filled with bricks and brambles, a bit of mud won't seem so bad.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2018, 03:45:58 pm by Th4DwArfY1 »
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smjjames

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9296 on: December 11, 2018, 04:00:43 pm »

The problem with your metaphor or aphorism there is that a No-Deal Brexit would be worse than a more transitioned Brexit, so, it's not just 'a bit of mud'.

No-Deal Brexit is just the path of no path at all, it's simply the default that happens if nothing is decided on.
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TD1

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9297 on: December 11, 2018, 04:06:47 pm »

Alright.

There are three paths. One leads into a brick wall. This has been sign posted "Brexitmas Cancelled".

Another stretches some distance, but ultimately ends in a bank of thorns which will cruelly entangle any who enter. This is Best Deal You For Some Reason Can't Stand, Pleb.

The other path is less certain and has many pits and falls. No Deal, it says, and its sign has a funny red box with a question mark on it.

A group stand nearby, looking down each path. Some think they could clear the third one, others do not. None like the first two, and doubt that traversing them would be feasible at all.

Edit: This seems like a good setting for a D&D campaign.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2018, 04:09:50 pm by Th4DwArfY1 »
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Kagus

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9298 on: December 11, 2018, 04:21:08 pm »

Edit: This seems like a good setting for a D&D campaign.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Note: If you URL-trace that image and end up exposing yourself to NSFW material, it's your own damn fault.

TD1

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Re: The friendly and polite EU-related terrible jokes thread
« Reply #9299 on: December 11, 2018, 04:23:09 pm »

Edit: This seems like a good setting for a D&D campaign.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Note: If you URL-trace that image and end up exposing yourself to NSFW material, it's your own damn fault.
I see no image.

Also, I was wrong. It's a P&P setting. Parliaments and Politicians.
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