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Author Topic: Terrible Suggestions Thread  (Read 490244 times)

King Zultan

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5145 on: January 04, 2023, 02:02:49 am »

If you get a necromancer as a mayor they can make being alive illegal and due to the way dwarves are they all kill them selves to stop breaking the law.
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

SixOfSpades

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5146 on: January 04, 2023, 02:11:10 am »

Every year, on IRL Easter Sunday, all animals except chickens become egg-layers. They don't need nest boxes, they'll just drop an egg (or a clutch of them, as applicable) wherever they are, and a few days later, that egg will hatch into what the creature would have produced normally. Dwarf wives will just carry this big-ass egg around for a week, until it hatches into a newborn. Pregnant cats will spurt out a litter of eggs & wander off, ignoring them, & then the eggs hatch into kittens & go zooming off. Cave crocodiles lay eggs that will hatch . . . into other eggs.

But not chickens. Chickens give live birth to baby rabbits.
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Dwarf Fortress -- kind of like Minecraft, but for people who hate themselves.

Egan_BW

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5147 on: January 04, 2023, 03:08:58 am »

While all of this is happening the dwarves should be celebrating the resurrection of christ.
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It is good to choose your battles. It is better to choose your wars.

SixOfSpades

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5148 on: January 04, 2023, 12:02:00 pm »

. . . the resurrection of chUrist.
FTFY

Can I offer you a nice egg in this dyeing time?
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Dwarf Fortress -- kind of like Minecraft, but for people who hate themselves.

PlumpHelmetMan

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5149 on: January 04, 2023, 12:26:53 pm »

No, dwarves should in fact celebrate the blessed rebirth of the lord Jesus Christ himself because what's more terrible than real-world religious references in DF?
« Last Edit: January 04, 2023, 12:28:54 pm by PlumpHelmetMan »
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It's actually pretty terrifying to think about having all of your fat melt off into grease because you started sweating too much.

A_Curious_Cat

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5150 on: January 04, 2023, 02:10:07 pm »

Add a new menu option (which is locked until the player opens Hell), giving the player the ability to send messages directly to and from Satan’s Twitter account.
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Really hoping somebody puts this in their signature.

Starver

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5151 on: January 04, 2023, 02:43:01 pm »

No, dwarves should in fact celebrate the blessed rebirth of the lord Jesus Christ himself because what's more terrible than real-world religious references in DF?
That old fake? I think you meant to reference J. R. "Bob" Dobbs as the true saviour of Slack...
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Bumber

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5152 on: January 04, 2023, 02:58:36 pm »

Dwarves will complain that elves and nobles are stealing their Slack.
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Reading his name would trigger it. Thinking of him would trigger it. No other circumstances would trigger it- it was strictly related to the concept of Bill Clinton entering the conscious mind.

THE xTROLL FUR SOCKx RUSE WAS A........... DISTACTION        the carp HAVE the wagon

A wizard has turned you into a wagon. This was inevitable (Y/y)?

PlumpHelmetMan

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5153 on: January 04, 2023, 04:35:12 pm »

Dwarves can now practice Scientology.
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It's actually pretty terrifying to think about having all of your fat melt off into grease because you started sweating too much.

brewer bob

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5154 on: January 04, 2023, 04:47:06 pm »

Any dwarf saying anything against Scientology will be subjected to 50 hammer strikes by a special hammerer, which is appointed by the Scientologists (and the player has no say to who is chosen and what kind of hammer they will use).

Oh, and Scientologists also like to issue their own mandates, which are usually impossible to fulfill. Failing to complete mandates results also in a hammering.

In fact, sometimes Scientology dwarves like to issue hammerings randomly just for the fun of it (they prefer to target legendary weapon/armor smiths).

Any complaints of this new feature will result in the player being sued.

Jrleebus

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5155 on: January 04, 2023, 04:55:54 pm »

All dwarves will now audibly sing diggy diggy hole while mining.
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PlumpHelmetMan

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5156 on: January 04, 2023, 05:40:39 pm »

The player will frequently find their fortress stocks depleted for no observable reason, and then suspiciously redistributed amongst the inventories of the elder Scientologists in their fort.
« Last Edit: January 04, 2023, 05:44:26 pm by PlumpHelmetMan »
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It's actually pretty terrifying to think about having all of your fat melt off into grease because you started sweating too much.

King Zultan

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5157 on: January 05, 2023, 02:32:55 am »

If your fort has no Scientologists in it they will quickly appear to convert your dwarevs ether as visitors, the first migrant wave, or even be born into the fortress because you will never be able to escape them.
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

A_Curious_Cat

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5158 on: January 05, 2023, 02:44:26 am »

Scientologists will infiltrate your fortress guard in order to prevent you from properly investigating and punishing them.
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Egan_BW

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Re: Terrible Suggestions Thread
« Reply #5159 on: January 05, 2023, 05:11:39 am »

If you somehow manage to purge your fortress of scientologists despite the countermeasures, toady will personally mail you a letter congratulating your achievement in ambiguous wording, as well as a DF-themed letter opener as a reward.
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It is good to choose your battles. It is better to choose your wars.
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