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[PlumpHelmetMan]

Toady should genetically engineer real dwarves and sell them to high-tier Patreon backers as pets. They're not easy or cheap to care for either, requiring a well-stocked alcohol cabinet at all times, and you'll need to fill your house with masterwork furniture to keep them stimulated. They may also decide to fight you over socks whenever you do a laundry.

You're also forgetting about how they make biscuits from all your pets.

They may also attempt to serve them to you afterwards, in a misguided attempt at showing deference.

[Starver]

Misguided indeed. I would never accept my dwarves making biscuits from my pets. It'd surely have to be roasts!

[brewer bob]

Ah, the good old tasty ☼cat tallow roasts☼ with masterfully minced dog tallow, masterfully minced dog tallow, finely minced cavy intestines and masterfully minced cat tallow.

[A_Curious_Cat]

Each Elf ordered comes with a copy of “To Serve Man”.

[King Zultan]

Leaving elves to watch your babies has been reported to be a terrible wonderful idea.

[PlumpHelmetMan]

Toady should pursue a sponsorship with goblin babysitting services. Everyone knows goblins are the finest babysitters you can get.

[SixOfSpades]

Expand lycanthropy so that instead of merely changing to a different creature type every month, other, random, potentially meaningless changes may occur, like temporary shifts in a dwarf's item or material preferences, or hair color, or whatnot. But still with all the fanfare & hoopla of the existing werebeast warnings.

Minkot Ashpaddles, Clothier has transformed into a wereginger!

[PlumpHelmetMan]

Every dwarf's worst nightmare is becoming a wereelf.

[muldrake]

All product-generating skills should be moodable, including cooking, and cooks should go into a murderous rage when someone eats their artifact-quality plump helmet roast menacing with spikes of cabbage.

[Egan_BW]

Artifact makers won't get mad if someone takes a photograph of the artifact before it's destroyed.
Even though photographs don't exist.

[King Zultan]

A dwarf that has created an artifact should do everything in its power to keep others away from the artifact, including killing any dwarf that tries to touch it. They will also go as far as to kill anyone that even dares think about their artifact.

[muldrake]

A dwarf that has created an artifact should do everything in its power to keep others away from the artifact, including killing any dwarf that tries to touch it. They will also go as far as to kill anyone that even dares think about their artifact.

Dwarves should get in endless feuds whenever a dwarf creates an artifact with an image of another artifact on it.

If they create an artifact with an image of another artifact they also created, they should be enraged at themselves and immediately kill themselves.

[Starver]

Artifact material requirements now include "Artifact". Causing problems if an artifact is consumed thus, and the other problems if one cannot be. (But, to 'help', mood frequency is increased to ensure a decent chance that there's always another artifact produced before a prior kood irrevocably tips over into lack-of-Artifact madness. Whether or not such overlaps are nevessary.)

[Bumber]

Expand lycanthropy so that instead of merely changing to a different creature [...]

Only the limb attacked transforms into the werebeast part that attacked it (and dependent parts,) not limited to biting.

If your arm is bit by a weremammoth, it transforms into a set of mammoth teeth. If a werebear charges you, injuring a finger, your finger transforms into a tiny (or possibly full-sized) werebear that tries to attack your other fingers.

[muldrake]

Artifacts should only be created from components that are themselves artifacts.  If there are no artifacts available, the dwarf should go berserk and become super powerful and be able to kill every other dwarf in a single hit.