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[DoctorDorf]

Dear Urist McMacelord,

When I activate the inside burrows and station your squad safely behind the narrow-trap-bridge-with-bottomless-pits-to-each-side, I expect you to stay there to dispatch any visitors that somehow manage to cross the bridge. What I don't want is for you to cross the bridge, into the outdoors and a full-blown siege to go and fill your water skin in the brook.

I hope you'll enjoy your peasant's grave.

Sincerely,
The Overseer

Note-to-self: disable outside water sources now the well is complete.

[Raikaria]

Dear Urist McFisherdwarf

I understand that it was an oversight in design as I dug the moat to channel into a previously abandoned part of the Early fort that I forgot about, resulting in a steady flooding that was walled off before too much happened. We only lost a Trade Depot and a couple of Fisheries; both of which have since been moved above-ground anyway.

What I do not understand; however, is how you managed to run up to the flooding breach, and decide to try and fish there.  I cannot try and get your bloated corpse out of what is now an extension of the river without flooding my entire fort.

Sincerely; Overseer

===

Dear Urist McPromotedBaron

I don't understand how you inherited a Barony when I have 40 Dwarves; and have only had the Dwarf caravan twice. I catered to your needs.

So please explain how you currently have ribs buckled so much they are unrecognizable; a damaged liver; a bloody head; and various other niggles. It is bad enough I had to cater to your demands when I was unprepared. Now I've had to set up a hasty medical facility because of you...

I'll give it to you; you were complaing about it and carrying on for a while. But the reports just say you were in combat and not why. Tell me what happened McBaron. Your thoughts say you get into several arguments. Did you lose a brawl?

Sincerely; McOverseer

===

Dear Urist McMarksdwarves

I built those Fortifications alongside my excecution pit for a reason; so if the fights stalemate you can shoot survivors. So please actually use the fortifications when I give an order to kill. Or shoot at hostiles through them when I station you there. I had to open the pit for you guys to do something and Urist McDraftedBeekeeper is hurt now.

Sincerely; McOverseer

===
Dear UristMcDraftedBeekeeper

My Doctor says you only have a busted hand from that Troglodite. Stop whineing. McBaron has several severe internal injuries and keeps hauling and working anyway. WHY HAVE YOU DIED?!

Sincerely; Very confused McOverseer.

[NeoSilverThorn]

TO: Layabout Miners
FROM: The Office of the Overseer

This is a friendly reminder: "Somebody else has it covered" is not a reason for you to stand around draining the fortress' limited supply of alcohol.  There's plenty of mining to be done so that the stonecarvers and engravers can do their work and the brewers can get on with theirs instead of having to be the ones doing your jobs.

Yours in tranquil fury,
The Overseer
(Dictated but not read)

[TheBeardyMan]

TO: The owner of the pair of trousers that just fell into a magma pit.

There are good places to take off your trousers and leave them on the ground, and there are bad places to take off your trousers and leave them on the ground. Can you guess which of these the bottom of a thirtyseven level magma pump stack is?

[GuesssWho]

Three possessed dorfs in a row does not help me in any way. Get some other moods, dammit!

[hjd_uk]

Dear citizens, please stop cancelling your work orders due to being horrified by the piles of dead bodies and gore in the hallways, they were only your friends and colleagues, please return to actually cleaning up the mess and burying the dead, thank you.

[GuesssWho]

Dear Urist McPiggles: how the fuck did you and ten other wild boars get stuck in a tree? Aside from the piglets--I assume they were born there.

[brewer bob]

Dear Urist McLiaison.

Please stop taking a bath in the rapidly flowing river. I hope the two years you spent clinging to the cliff, before my dwarves came to the rescue, served as a lesson that it's generally not a good idea to fling yourself down a waterfall.

[andrian]

Dear Urist McPrisonerHauler,

We are well aware that the caged prisoners need to be executed, which is why we are having you drop them into a deep pit with a weapon trap at the bottom. While your enthusiasm in disposing of them is appreciated, there is no need to jump down the hole after them in an attempt to engage them in combat. You have found yourself clinging by your fingertips to the edge of the pit several times now, and yet the lethality of the drop seems to have still escaped your notice. Please, for your safety and the dwindling sanity of your loved ones, just drop the prisoners down the hole and leave.

Sincerely,
The management


Dear Urist McEveryone,

While we understand that the deaths of those who would dare to invade our fortress is cause for celebration, we request that you keep your celebration civil. Under no circumstances should you engage in vandalism, particularly vandalism of our fortress's defenses. This has led to some heated arguments which have kept our medical dwarves unusually busy. For the sake of the fortress, we request that you reminisce on things other than the slain bodies of the trolls and goblins which have been accumulating in our refuse piles.

Sincerely,
The Management

[sculleywr]

Dear Urist McMason and McWoodcutter

Firstly, I admire the fact that you somehow have the ability to cross a river right next to a waterfall without getting flung into your untimely demise. But please, for the love of Armok, don't complain about not having a path back to your food when you are the idiots that got yourself in this situation. Our 4 dwarves that have the brain to not ignore the "Do not enter" signs are working as fast as they can to build you a bridge. Put yourself in that position again, I shall be forced to use the bridge to obliterate you from the timeline.

Sincerely,
your uncaring overlord Urist McOutofCraps

[weiserthanyou]

Dear Urist McHorrified

Yes, I know the two dozen dwarf/human bodies in the caverns and the countless rotten trolls, elk birds, giant olms, crundles, giant bats, etc, etc, are decaying corpses, and that you're understandably freaked out.

But if you don't follow the orders to wall off the caverns and bury the bodies sometime this year, I'm not gonna care when the next GCS or ogre comes along and interrupts your horror to kill you. This is why we haven't colonized the third cavern yet, guys.

On a related note, please stop giving in to depression in the legendary dining hall surrounded by masterpieces, artifacts, the best food and booze there is, and mist generators. I mean, you complain about not having anything good in life... Should I assume you all hate gold statues, 200,000☼ instruments, whip wine, and the giant exotic pets looted from the elves?

[andrian]

Dear Urist McFurnitureHaulers,

I'm sorry about the mess made by Urist McTantrumThrower. He really made a mess of the library. The bookshelves he overturned had books on them, which are now dumped on the floor. The solution to this problem is to pick up the books and move them so you can put the bookshelves where they belong, not to simply give up and suspend the job indefinitely. It has been years since the tantrum, and two bookshelves are still out of place. If this behavior continues, you may find yourselves locked out of the fortress the next time the elves try to sneak up on us riding war grizzlies. You have been warned.

Frustratedly,
Your Less-Than-Benevolent Overlord

[pikachu17]

Dear Urist McFurnitureHaulers,

I'm sorry about the mess made by Urist McTantrumThrower. He really made a mess of the library. The bookshelves he overturned had books on them, which are now dumped on the floor. The solution to this problem is to pick up the books and move them so you can put the bookshelves where they belong, not to simply give up and suspend the job indefinitely. It has been years since the tantrum, and two bookshelves are still out of place. If this behavior continues, you may find yourselves locked out of the fortress the next time the elves try to sneak up on us riding war grizzlies. You have been warned.

Frustratedly,
Your Less-Than-Benevolent Overlord

Put the bookshelves somewhere else, wait until the books are moved, build bookshelves in the old spots, then deconstruct the new shelves.

[Tilmar13]

Dear Urists in all military squads,

What you fail to understand is that the 40+ pairs of steel boots are for YOUR usage. Go put them on. And throw on some pants, while you're at it.

From,
Everyone who has to see you half-naked

[Paralyzoid]

Dear the Recently Departed Urist McMarksdwarf

When I station you in the back of the hallway, that means you need to defend the back of the hallway from a dangerous force coming into the hallway. That does not mean to run out of the hallway and into the middle of said dangerous force to grab 30 copper bolts, especially when there are perfectly good superior quality iron bolts in the stockpile a few rooms back.

I am currently debating whether you need that slab on your grave.

Sincerely,
The Overseer