So, this was my go-to terrible joke for parties and gatherings, up until the moment I fully realized how god-awful my Amirishcan accent was. At which point, I started upon the long and winding journey towards hating myself forever.
A bartender is tending his sleepy little bar in a sleepy little town in New England, when he notices a new face come in. Sitting himself on one of the barstools, the stranger proceeds to, in a very noticeable Irish accent, order two pints of Guinness.
The bartender serves him, and then observes as the man takes a sip from one glass, contemplates for a bit, and then takes a sip from the other glass; alternating back and forth between them until both glasses are empty. He then bids good night and leaves.
This pattern continues every week, with the man ordering two pints and then drinking them both in parallel. Eventually, after a few weeks of the same behavior, the bartender's curiosity finally gets the better of him.
"Hey, no offense or anything, but I have to ask... Every week you come in here, and do the same thing with ordering two beers at once and then drinking from one then the other... Is there some special reason you do that or what?"
The Irishman looks up and says "Ah... Y'see, back in Ireland, me and my brother would always head 'round to the pub together on nights like these, have us a pint and talk about old times. Since I came here, I've been ordering two glasses so's I could still drink with him despite being apart. Keeps me from getting too homesick."
His question answered, the bartender goes back to minding his own business.
The Irishman comes back the next week, and the ritual continues as before. Then, several weeks later, the man comes back to the bar on a particularly gloomy evening, and orders a single pint of Guinness.
The bartender, realizing what's happened, gives the man some space to drink alone for a while. When he's about finished his glass, the bartender then comes over and says in a somber tone "Listen, I don't mean to intrude or anything, but I just wanted to say that I'm really sorry about your brother."
The Irishman looks very confused, then an expression of relief and amusement crosses his face. Laughing, he says "Oh nah, brother's fine! It's just that I've quit drinking!"
Author
Topic: Terrible Jokes (Read 663122 times)