"You expect me to breath with all these steaks!?"
"No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to dine."
*SILENT LAUGH*
"Well I wish to see a waiter because discourse is too rare."
In other news- jokes stolen from an ancient thread!
- All true famers are men outstanding in their fields.
- What has four legs and one arm?
A happy pitbull
- What's green, has four legs, and can kill a grown human by falling from a tree?
Pool table
- Where did little Suzy go during the air raid?
Eveywhere.
- What color were Suzy's eyes?
Blue. One blue one way, one blue the other.
- Why did the chicken cross the highway?
Who cares, it didn't succeed.
And finally:
An old farmer is sitting on his deck when he sees a drunk come stumbling around d the corner singing at the top of his lungs. He yells "Shut up ya bum!"
But he continues.
The old man now fed up with this gets up and walks away, but the drunk, enjoying this new game, pursues him, still bellowing classics at the top of his lungs.
The farmer takes this man on a merry chase, eventually reaching a river which he begins to ford.
The drunk starts to follow him, whereupon the farmer, having lost his nerve, turns around and dunks him.
He holds the drunkard's head underwater for a full five minutes, before judging him to be either dead or too waterlogged to cause him any more annoyance. Satisfied, he leaves the body to drift downstream.
Sadly though as soon as he exits the river he is met by more deranged singing.
Which just goes to show you can lead a drunk to water but you can't make him hoarse.
Part 3: 'Cos I just can't stop now.
These are all 4:00am originals.
Clyde the Daring Monster Hunter.
- Spotted some mermaids. He tried to rouse his crew, but alas they were men at ease.
- He wanted to hunt some Sirens, but alas he couldn't follow their tracks.
- Couldn't kill the Medusa. He was brave, sure, but she still petrified him.
- Took a contract to kill a Cyclops, but lost it in a red hot round of poker.
- Tried to fight a hydra, but couldn't get ahead of the curve.
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Topic: Terrible Jokes (Read 663072 times)