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[Eric Blank]

Were in hell. The clowns are messing with our minds. We can never win the game, they won't let us. Even ThatAussieDwarf was tricked into believing the checkerboard worked. The clowns came for him while he slept, they were in the fortress the whole time.

[King Zultan]

It's a clownspiracy!

[Fikilili]

So DF is finally replaced with word and all features you could imagine have been implemented?

Have I yet again made a good suggestion?

[Azerty]

The source code of Dwarf Fortress is released... in a programming language that only Toady understands, in obfuscated form, and completely uncommented. No specification is given. No compiler nor interpreter is given. You'll have to infer what anything means by reverse-engineering the language based on the source code.

The game is coded in Malborge.

[LordBaal]

In Turbo Pascal!

[nezclaw]

add more detail to the artifact descriptions. like an excruciating amount of detail. to the point where someone drawing it has absolutely no room for interpretation, there is exactly one correct depiction. AND, add dwarves whose only job is to critique these artifacts, and their critique also gets added to the description. and increase the amount of materials to Planepacked levels.

[Bumber]

Children (as well as some adults and seniors) automatically create art on your fort's walls. This creates negative thoughts in others who view it. Removing it gives a negative thought to the artist, regardless of quality level. Sometimes dwarves paint their murals out of food, which produces miasma. Sometimes they use vomit or brown filth.

[King Zultan]

Sometimes dwarves paint their murals out of food, which produces miasma. Sometimes they use vomit or brown filth.

Further proving that all dwarves are insane.

[Starver]

In Turbo Pascal!

(I'm sorry... Were you supposed to be suggesting an incomprehensible computer language, there? It's actually fairly sane (and led to the (over-)popular Delphi - which probably powered half the joke[1] and amateur applications distributed in the '90s - before it had to be resurected as Lazarus), compared with others I could mention that I was also formally taught.)

...all the code is either Forth embedded in Lisp or Lisp embedded in Forth, as an asymmetric polyglot. Containing a Whitespace version of Therapist as a bonus!


[1] Like the one with the "Click this button to close" button, where it/the window kept running away from the mouse-cursor.

[LordBaal]

See, that is why we can't have nice jokes!

I used to program a lot on Turbo Pascal back in college, and it was already pretty dated. There, you made me explain the joke, hope you are happy!

-low grumbles while Baal curses Starver soul...-

[Starver]

Oh... In that case try KOCOBOL...

Code: [Select]

       IDENTIFICATION DIVISION.
       PROGRAM-ID. hello-fortress.
       PROCEDURE DIVISION.
           DISPLAY "Hello, fortress!"
           .


[TheBeardyMan]

Prepared meals with any kind of meat as an ingredient are rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, or well done.

If a dwarf sees another dwarf eating a prepared meal with meat in it, and disagrees with the other dwarf about whether the meat is correctly cooked, they start a fight that escalates to a loyalty cascade.

[Fikilili]

Some dwarves can grow attachment to hedgehogs painted in blue. Such dwarves would be socially inept, generally poor clothed, and with an hygyene to make one envy a Forgotten Beast.
Some dwarves would document such fans of blue hedgehogs, and always name their work "[Name of Dwarf], The Cow of Laughter".
Special dwarves would prefer yellow mices, or yellow/blue heghehogs. They would trade personal belongings, even their family's artefacts to purchase toys from merchants. They wouldn't be good at anything, making them useless dwarves to dwarven society.

[Strik3r]

Some dwarves would document such fans of blue hedgehogs, and always name their work "[Name of Dwarf], The Cow of Laughter".

Special dwarves would prefer yellow mices, or yellow/blue heghehogs. They would trade personal belongings, even their family's artefacts to purchase toys from merchants. They wouldn't be good at anything, making them useless dwarves to dwarven society.

Dwarves who document these individuals are almost always farmers and have a preference either for cows or (the very adorable) kiwi birds.
Occasionally among these, one will begin mercilessly mocking and making threats of violence toward the dwarves who prefer the yellow mices or yellow/blue hedgehogs and will subsequently be themselves documented by their fellows, who will name such works "[Name of Dwarf], The Log of Assaulting".

[Fikilili]

Dwarves who document these individuals are almost always farmers and have a preference either for cows or (the very adorable) kiwi birds.

Fans of Blue/Yellow hedgehogs would go on a "quest" to obtain a relationship with a dwarf of the opposite gender. Although they should always fail, there is a 1% chance they might actually win. However, there's 100% chances that they'll fail spectacularly after making ethically questionable murals that depict both dwarves in an awkward situation. Said dwarves may even attempt to dress as female dwarves to get closer to them. Much to no avail.
Eventually, such dwarves would be tagged as both [ADULT] and [CHILD]. Eventually, they would play a long game of make-believe and pretend to be a yellow/blue hedgehog.