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Author Topic: Terrible Jokes  (Read 660194 times)

Iduno

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4470 on: May 12, 2020, 04:52:18 pm »
Quote from: SeriousConcentrate on May 12, 2020, 04:47:32 pm
Where do you go after a peekaboo accident?

The ICU.

Good enough.
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Kagus

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4471 on: May 19, 2020, 03:38:19 am »
My friend Shawn left to officially change his name so it was spelled more phonetically.

He was never Sean again.
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Starver

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4472 on: May 19, 2020, 05:32:40 am »
Eithne point is? Zoë did that but I'm not Saoirse Nighy whether to be happy for him or a bit Magdalene, Homeever they are.

(Niamher mind, I'm Donne with this and Siânt worry about it all going Ayscough.)
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Kagus

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4473 on: May 25, 2020, 07:22:35 am »
Q: What do you call a flower?

Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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Starver

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4474 on: May 25, 2020, 07:46:18 am »
I tried to stop myself constantly meditating.

Buddha couldn't.
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Akura

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4475 on: May 30, 2020, 05:04:47 pm »
Quote from: Taken from Cities: Skylines' Chirper feed
Drunk bedroom furniture shopping can lead to waking up to just one nightstand.

I need to find a mod that kills this damn thing.
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Quote
They asked me how well I understood theoretical physics. I told them I had a theoretical degree in physics. They said welcome aboard.
Quote from: Vector on March 17, 2011, 11:50:36 pm
... Yes, the hugs are for everyone.  No stabbing, though.  Just hugs.

King Zultan

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4476 on: May 31, 2020, 01:55:50 am »
Quote from: Akura on May 30, 2020, 05:04:47 pm
Quote from: Taken from Cities: Skylines' Chirper feed
Drunk bedroom furniture shopping can lead to waking up to just one nightstand.

I need to find a mod that kills this damn thing.
If you have the steam version you could use this.
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The Lawyer opens a briefcase. It's full of lemons, the justice fruit only lawyers may touch.
Quote from: Blood_Librarian on February 13, 2018, 09:28:16 am
Make sure not to step on any errant blood stains before we find our LIFE EXTINGUSHER.
Quote from: Imic on May 17, 2018, 12:00:14 pm
but anyway, if you'll excuse me, I need to commit sebbaku.
Quote from: Leodanny
Can I have the sword when you’re done?

hops

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4477 on: June 04, 2020, 08:28:33 pm »
Ah yes, the Ordis of Cities: Skylines.
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she/her. (Pronouns vary over time.) The artist formerly known as Objective/Cinder.

One True Polycule with flame99 <3

Avatar by makowka

Rockeater

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4478 on: June 05, 2020, 03:52:05 pm »
PTW
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Quote from: Glass on March 31, 2018, 03:09:12 pm
Damnit people, this is why I said to keep the truce. Because now everyone's ganging up on the cats.
Quote from: CABL on November 20, 2018, 08:27:37 am
Also, don't forget to contact your local Eldritch Being(s), so that they can help with our mission to destroy the universe.

Starver

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4479 on: June 06, 2020, 04:10:12 pm »
A mercury barometer uses the weight of liquid metal to indicate changes in atmospheric pressure.

An aneroid barometer uses a strong spring to indicate changes in atmospheric pressure.

A paranoid barometer wants to know why you're interested. Are they doing something to the air? I bet it's all the fluoridated chemtrails, isn't it, being activated by the FEMA mind-control signals fired down from the satellites that disguise the true nature of the Flat Earth!
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Naturegirl1999

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4480 on: June 06, 2020, 04:56:16 pm »
Quote from: Starver on June 06, 2020, 04:10:12 pm
A mercury barometer uses the weight of liquid metal to indicate changes in atmospheric pressure.

An aneroid barometer uses a strong spring to indicate changes in atmospheric pressure.

A paranoid barometer wants to know why you're interested. Are they doing something to the air? I bet it's all the fluoridated chemtrails, isn't it, being activated by the FEMA mind-control signals fired down from the satellites that disguise the true nature of the Flat Earth!
this was good. I liked this
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Iduno

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4481 on: June 14, 2020, 09:21:50 pm »
Best 6-word story:

"Dad Ded. Then who was phone?"
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Eschar

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4482 on: June 14, 2020, 10:36:44 pm »
"Baby shoes for sale. Never worn." - Hemingway
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Reelya

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4483 on: June 15, 2020, 02:16:38 am »
The Hemingway attribution is pure myth (no substantiation and similar stories existed before that).
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/For_sale:_baby_shoes,_never_worn
For reference see the linked newspaper clippings from 1910, 1917 etc, for versions which predate any possible Hemingway version.

But if you count the false attribution to Hemingway as part of the story, then it's in fact a very compact 7-word story.
« Last Edit: June 28, 2020, 04:18:59 pm by Reelya »
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Kagus

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Re: Terrible Jokes
« Reply #4484 on: June 15, 2020, 06:07:51 am »
I've been revisiting my efforts to assemble a collection of absolutely dreadful pick-up lines.

"Hey babe, are you a barbecue? 'Cause I think you're hot, so I wanna take your top off and put my wiener in you"

"If I said I was Jesus, would you nail me?"

"Do you manage a baseball team? Because I want to give you my batter"

"Hey girl, were your parents retarded? Because you sure are special"

"Are you an American public school? 'Cause I wanna shoot some kids in you"
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