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[Twinwolf]

There should be a "Not-Terrible Jokes" thread.

[Kot]

Funilly enough it was my girlscout friend who told me that one.
But yeah, it's still terrible, because, well, jews.

[TheBiggerFish]

There should be a "Not-Terrible Jokes" thread.

Ask and ye shall receive.

[KingofstarrySkies]

I wish I could unwatch a thread because every time I look at this I can feel myself dying faster

[IcyTea31]

Dying of laughter?

[KingofstarrySkies]

Dying of pure unbridled hatred, actually.

[hector13]

Dying of pure unbridled hatred, actually.

"Mark all messages as read"

[Kot]

We love you too.
























Haha, good one.

[a1s]

A priest walks into a gun shop. The clerk sneers at him:
- Doesn't the bible say "thou shalt not kill", Padre?
- Worry not, my son, I'm only going to shoot the kneecaps.

An old lady walks into a gun shop and asks to see some handguns.
- is this for defense? - asks the clerk
- Oh, goodness, no - says the lady - I've got a lawyer for that.

[origamiscienceguy]

A church pastor gets in a taxi and drives for home. On the way there, the taxi crashes and both the Pastor and the taxi diver both die. They both go to heaven and God gives the taxi driver a large beautiful home, but he gives the Pastor a small shack. The pastor asks "why do I get so much less than the taxi driver?" And God answers, "When you preach, people sleep. But when he drives, people pray."

[TheDarkStar]

A church pastor gets in a taxi and drives for home. On the way there, the taxi crashes and both the Pastor and the taxi diver both die. They both go to heaven and God gives the taxi driver a large beautiful home, but he gives the Pastor a small shack. The pastor asks "why do I get so much less than the taxi driver?" And God answers, "When you preach, people sleep. But when he drives, people pray."

Wrong thread, this was good.

[IcyTea31]

An Englishman, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Norwegian and a Swede were all on a plane together. The flight was going well, until the pilot informed everyone that due to a faulty engine the plane is overloaded. They ditched all their luggage and everything that wasn't nailed down, but the plane was still overloaded. They tore all the seats and other nonessential parts of the plane and threw them out as well, but the plane was still overloaded. It was clear someone would have to sacrifice themselves for the others to survive. The Frenchman jumped out, screaming "Long live Liberty!" The plane was still overloaded. The Englishman jumped out, screaming "Long live the Queen!" The plane was still overloaded. The Finn and the Norwegian threw the Swede out, screaming "Long live Nordic co-operation!"

[TheBiggerFish]

Hey guys, those jokes are actually funny...

Put them in here.

[origamiscienceguy]

Slightly different version I learned:

A Frenchman, an Englishman, a Mexican, and a Texan are in a plane and the plane gets overloaded. The pilot says that 3 of them are going to have to sacrifice themselves if the other is to survive. The Frenchman says "vive la France!" and jumps out. The Englishman says "Long live the queen!" and jumps out. The Texan says "Remember the Alamo!" and throws the Mexican out.

[Arx]

If we're telling heaven jokes...

A very wealthy man is diagnosed with terminal cancer. As people are wont to do in these circumstances, he converts to Christianity and starts praying desperately for God to at least let him take some of his stuff with him to heaven. After a bit of thought, God agrees, and says he may bring one suitcase full.

Very pleased with himself, the man converts as much of his cash as possible into gold bars and has them packed in a rolling suitcase, which he keeps under his bed. The time comes that he dies, and he arrives before the Gates with his suitcase. St. Peter asks him about it, but he explains God's special dispensation.

"Well, this is very irregular, but if God says so..." Peter replies. "But I do need to have a look at what you've brought."

The man, glee barely contained, opens the suitcase. Peter's jaw drops.

"Bet you've never seen anything like this before, eh?" The man asks.

"You brought paving stones?" Peter replies.