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Author Topic: Bloodyhells - Succession: Battlefailed #5 (42.06)  (Read 122756 times)


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Bloodyhells - Succession: Battlefailed #5 (42.06)
« on: April 21, 2016, 06:48:51 pm »


   "The king's terms were laid out simply. The Lustrous Artifact had a use for dwarves like us; that is, hardened convicts with no families or anything to lose. We would be the first in line to lead an expedition into the darkest corners of Aluonra. To carve out an outpost, lay claim the untold riches that lay buried there, and put a stop to the dwarf necromancer Tosid Rushaxe and his clan. It was either this, or "the hammer" we were told. The death sentence, or a shot at everlasting glory? An easy enough choice... or so we thought at the time. How little we knew...

   And thus, we set out upon our suicide mission. Over the Infected Hills, across the Murk of Pain, through the Forest of Murders, until at last we arrived at our destination: the heart of the necromancer's accursed domain. It's safe to say, we've been through a lot to have come this far. Oh, the sights we've seen! Death... death and horror beyond words! But nothing could've prepared us for the hells that awaited..."

—Some dead guy

This is a tribute of sorts to the classic Battlefailed series. For the uninitiated, I would recommend making yourself acquainted with the saga's rich, !!FUN!! filled history.
Battlefailed - Failcannon - Hellcannon - Horrorfailed
Many of the image links are missing from the original topics. Fortunately, there is a .doc archive of Battlefailed, helpfully restored by Zuglarkun.

The Embark:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The Turn List:
(Playing - Completed - Partially Completed - Skipped)
   1. Sanctume 1 2 3 4 5 6
   2. Spish 1 2
   3. Imic 1 2
   4. Gwolfski 1 2
   5. Iamblichos
   6. TheFlame52 1 2 Senshukan's Diary 3 4 5 6 7 8
   7. Archereon 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 S
   8. Eric Blank 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
   9. TheImmortalRyukan
   10. Clover Magic
   11. Puzzlebark
   12. Deus Asmoth 1 2 3
   13. Crashmaster 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 S 9
   14. Zuglarkun 1 2 S 3 4
   15. snackfox
   16. Dozebôm Lolumzalìs
   17. Lebo 1 2 3 4
   18. TheError
   19. Spriggans
   20. Ghills 1 2 3 4 5
   21. NCommander 1
   22. The Master
   23. Fleeting Frames 1 2 3
   24. DoritioMaster
   25. Gwolfski
   26. TheFlame52
   27. Eric Blank
   28. puterking
   29. Evaris
   30. Kamani

Players have three days to claim the save once they've been reached on the list, and two weeks to play the year before I bring the hammer down. I am, however, willing to extend the deadline if necessary. If you're too busy to play, you are allowed to move yourself further down the list... provided you have not been skipped.

...this page is partially constructed.
« Last Edit: May 10, 2017, 06:03:42 am by Spish »
Ah, yes, I thought something was amiss. Now I see. There's not enough terrible things in the lakes.


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The Dorflist:
   Arthropleura, Elf
   Andreus, "Endlessly Resurrected" - Requires a private library area
   Archereon, Elf
   Balnash, Brewer/Speardwarf - Militia Theory: "Keep 'em at the end of your spear, an' they can't get at ye."
   Crashmaster, Mechanic
   Clover Magic
   Deus Asmoth, Scholar
   Dorito, "Fail Priest"
   The Error, "Crazy Old Man"
   The Flame, Founder and/or Smith
   Gwolfski, Mechanic
   Imic - Necromancer of Threads
   The Master
   Niner, "Glorious Overlord" - Militiadwarf
   Ryukan, Bookkeeper
   Species Unkn0wn - Speardwarf
   Spish, Fisherdwarf
   Taupe, Woodcutter/Woodburner
   Twinwolf II

(I'll need to look over the save and update this next time I get the chance)
« Last Edit: October 30, 2016, 07:28:49 pm by Spish »
Ah, yes, I thought something was amiss. Now I see. There's not enough terrible things in the lakes.

Clover Magic

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I aske din the other thread, but might I have a dorf and a turn? :x


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PTW. Read through all the previous Battlefailed forts a while ago.

Not going to ask for a turn, but a dorf would be nice.
Of course, Twin is neither man nor woman but an unholy eldritch abomination like every other Bay12er. The difference is they hide it better.
Quote from: Caellath on IRC
<Caellath>: Twinwolf, your thirst for blood has been noted.


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I am downloading the save as I post.

Shall I download the latest LNP PE posted today also?  Yeah, I might as well.

edit: LNP taking too long to download so I'll start it using 0.42.06-r02
« Last Edit: April 21, 2016, 07:16:33 pm by Sanctume »


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PTW and gimme a founder, any founder. Otherwise I'll take a smith.


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I haven't unpause yet, just looking at DTherapist to get some quick info down.

The Dorfed List
   (dorfed) Imic - Miner/Mason
   (dorfed) Niner, "Glorious Overlord" - Militiadwarf
   (dorfed) Ryukan, Bookkeeper
   (dorfed) Sanctume
   (dorfed) Spish - Sheriff
   (dorfed) Taupe, Woodcutter/Woodburner
   (dorfed) TheFlame52, any founder of smith

The Pending Dorf List:
   Andreus, "Endlessly Resurrected" - Requires a private library area
   Archereon, Elf
   Clover Magic

First thing, what do we have?
[Gender FM] [Name] [Last] (dream) preferences.
[skill lists]

1. F Momuz Niner Ringgorged, "Glory Overlord" (art) iron.
Competent Hammerdwarf, Competent Shield, Adequate Dodger

2. F Mosus Flame Paddleroast mail shirts
Novice: Woodcutter, Diagnostician, Surgeon, Bone Doctor, Suturer, Cook, Bone Carver, Adequate Dodger

3. F Aban Imic Earthcreatures (skill) maces
Competent Mason, Adequate Miner, Novice Building Designer, Adequate Dodger

4. M Rith Spish Spashoil (mw) hatch covers
Competent Engraver, Adequate Miner, Novice Building Designer, Adequate Dodger

5. M Vucar Sanctume Plaitedurns (skill) bismuth bronze, magnetite
Novice: Grower, Soaper, Potash Maker, Lye Maker, Brewer, Butcher, Tanner, Adequate Dodger

6. M Logem Taupe Giftedpaint (art) Large gems
Novice Carpenter, Woodcutter, Wood Burner, Proficient Dodger

7. F Sazir Ryukan Diamondsling (skill) war hammers
Novice: Wood Crafter, Stone Crafter, Record Keeping, Organizer, Appraiser, Negotiator, Dodger. 
The current expedition leader.

We all happy with this?

The immediate surroundings indicate there is a Giant Osprey Corpse flying high up to the northwest, and a Giant Snail Corpse closer to the south east.


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May I get a dorf and a turn? Also, yes. The embark looks good enough.
« Last Edit: April 21, 2016, 07:54:37 pm by Puzzlebark »
Puzzlebark, Basement Dweller cancels Play Dwarf Fortress: Interrupted by real life.

Read (or possibly add to) the story of Beerboiled!


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Yeah, looks good over here. Spish Splashoil, try saying that five times fast :P
I aske din the other thread, but might I have a dorf and a turn? :x
Whoops, something was bound to get lost in all the copying and pasting. Won't happen again.
Ah, yes, I thought something was amiss. Now I see. There's not enough terrible things in the lakes.


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Oh fuck why did I have to volunteer for woodcutting duty in a biome like that...


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Sign me up for a turn please. Dwarf as a mechanic if possible.


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Edit: You know what, the random crashing is probably just me, what with these beta tools and ingame cursor shenanigans. Nothing to see here, do still save often though.
« Last Edit: April 23, 2016, 09:48:46 am by Spish »
Ah, yes, I thought something was amiss. Now I see. There's not enough terrible things in the lakes.


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ooc - I had one crash, had such a nice layout too before summer without injury! :(
The crash was seemingly eating up CPU.  DThreapist or DF is in constant "mouse cursor hourglass" as if it's waiting for something.
Ctrl+alt+delete, and end process and the progress was lost. 
Anyway, I'm feeling refreshed after playing some XCOM2 last night instead.

Only on the 2nd month Slate, and all I can report is "we're still alive."

Deus Asmoth

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Can I get dwarfed as a scholar and go on the turn list?
Look elsewhere, reader. There is nothing for you here.


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Chapter 1: Bloodyhells

Early spring of the year 300 on the temperate savanna of The Suicide Hills.

I stopped thinking of the unfairness that I find myself on the receiving end of the King’s justice.  The past remains back there as always, and it will be there if I wish to revisit the pains of regrets.  No, I must make do with my current situation, and keep looking forward in the future, whatever this desperate journey may unfold.

The silence of our weary travel is broken by the grunting of the pair of breeding yaks that pulls this saguaro wagon, heavily laden with our sorry arses and meager supplies.  The soothing rhythmic of the creaking wooden wagon over dense dead meadow-grass is joined by the crashing of ocean waves foaming over vibrant blood-red sands.

Perhaps in another place and time, this symphony of nature would fill a traveler with peaceful contemplations.  But not this time because I witness passing by dead lentil plants , dead prickle berry bushes, and dead highwood trees along this sea of dead grass.  The red sand bubbles from the sea foams that leave behind yellow pools of acrid slime. 

Miss Ryukan Diamondsling, the poor noble who pulled the short cave wheat straw, is leading this expedition.  She’s a lusty one for sure, but is quick to anger even though she does not easily hate.

Ryukan announces from atop the wagon, “We are here.  By the authority of the king of The Lustrous Artifact, I dubbed this outpost, Bloodyhells.  Gentle ladies and dwarfs, I shall take the offices of all administrative duties.  Our Sheriff is Mister Spish Splashoil, and our militia commander will be Miss Niner Ringgorged.”

With that formalities out of the way, she looks at Niner strapped with a copper war hammer, and finally nods.  Did I mention that Ryukan likes war hammers, and probably hammering?

Miss Niner Ringgorged has the title of "Glory Overlord", and begins barking orders, “You miners just go dig us a hole, and wood cutters cut only a few trees at a time.  I want a tight perimeter, no wandering about.  And I need a volunteer, a sparring partner, for Bloodyhells’ first squad, The Armored Kings.  But for now, you're all recruits.”

Miss Imic Earthcreatures who likes maces and is a competent mason, and Mr Spish Splashoil who likes hatch covers and is a competent engraver; both hefted bronze picks from the wagon and start digging underneath the modest dune.

Miss Flame Paddleroast who likes mail shirts is a novice doctor, and Mr Taupe Giftedpaint who likes large gems is a novice carpenter; both wielded bronze battle axes to chop down the dead trees near the murky pools of water.

I am Sanctume Plaitedurns who is assigned the duties of growing food.  My hopes to learn herbalism is crushed because every plant I see here is already dead.

I end up here in Bloodyhells after telling the law-giver, “You goblins would convict a finely minced cheese roast of murder and dwarfs would not question it.”


Niner scouts the immediate surroundings and indicated that there is a Giant Osprey Corpse flying high up to the northwest, and a Giant Snail Corpse closer to the south east.

Niner says, “What’s in Bloodyhells?  An Armok cursed flying corpse and a crawling corpse!”

As soon as the miners dug some room, we rushed unloading our wagon and hauling our meager supplies inside.  Niner declares the area as “Safety Inside.”

Two dead willow trees, and the nearest dead apple tree a bit to the north are marked for cutting as Niner sets the “Outside Path” while she scans the undead giant osprey moving far to the northeast.


A hasty mason’s shop is erected, and Imic produced a well-crafted door to be our protection from the outside.

The miner’s dig down to discover damp stone on the fourth level, so they dig a short path then an upward stairs into a room and secured by a well-crafted cobaltite hatch cover.


The monotonous labor of hauling logs is flavored by the danger of the outside.  Doc Flame insists on including the dead apple logs be part of “Outside Path” despite Niner’s reluctance. 

A giant osprey corpse swoops down from the skies with incredible speed and charges the stubborn cow yak that is slow to move to its grassless pasture.  The collision was so brutal that the cow is knocked over and tumbled backwards. 

The giant osprey corpse begins attacking Doc Flame…

Doc Flame screams like a girl her at top of her lungs,  “Stop!  This isn’t happening!” “Help! Save me!”

Her 86 year old bones carried her arse, running wildly, screaming, heading south, and fortunately not into the pools of acrid slime.

She drops the bronze battle axe and says, “I was attacked by the dead” then looks back, “The battle rages… Ahhhhhh! No!”

Niner, Glory Overlord, Bloodyhells militia commander, flees running to the southeast but manages to give orders for everyone to join the fray.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

(ooc The battle reports are confusing with references to recruits.  Everyone now has a humble title.)

Admin Ryukan lands a punch on the head but this made the giant osprey corpse react by charging.  She is knocked over and tumbled backwards from the collision.

Ryukan stands up and throws left and right combination punches, many of which just glance away.

Farmer Sanctume throws punches wildly causing bruising, and finds it more effective to bite the left foot of the undead.

The giant osprey corpse charges the farmer until the collision knocks him over, tumbling backwards.

Taupe Woodcut joins the fray with his wild punches claiming, “I cannot just stand by.  This might require an answer.”

The undead attacks Taupe but misses many times over.  “I was attacked by the dead.  This is truly horrifying!”

Taupe wonders, “Has the ride turned? I feel no terror.”

** Where is our militia commander?  **

Niner, the Glory Overlord initially fled from battle, like a girl, in reaction to Doc Flame, until what little discipline kicks in, “This is a fight! I must press on.”

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Miner Imic emerges from the entrance and joins in by punching.

Sheriff Spish joins the rumble and bites the undead in the right wing.  The giant osprey corpse knocks Spish away, but Spish stands up and bites the left wing this time, latches on, and starts striking the left wing with his bronze pick.

Sheriff Spish lodges the bronze pick in the corpse’s head and fracturing the skull.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Here is everyone's immediate aftermath thoughts:

Spish, Rykan and Sanctume: "I was attacked by the dead. This is truly horrifying."

Flame, "I have a part in this:  I will take revenge!"

Niner, "This is my fight too:  I will take revenge!"

Taupe, "How fleeting life is:  Begone fear!"

The giant osprey corpse is nothing now but a mangled corpse.  Bloodyhells, indeed!
« Last Edit: April 25, 2016, 12:30:26 pm by Sanctume »
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