Post by: MrGimp on December 08, 2008, 11:06:25 pm
(I dont know who doesnt know about the 40d hidden fun stuff, but if you dont, and dont want to, then dont read any further)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/FRONTBLOCKEDLANCE1.jpg)
Table of Contents
Introduction
Chapter #1 - The Crucible (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=28365.msg356868#msg356868)
Chapter #2 - Revolution!!! (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg361538#msg361538)
Chapter #3 - The Murder of Momuz (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg376530#msg376530)
Chapter #4 - Kiss the Ring (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg443146#msg443146)
Chapter #5 - The Goblins Return (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg447330#msg447330)
Chapter #6 - Goodbye Sanity (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg455633#msg455633)
Chapter #7 - Immolation (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg471075#msg471075)
Chapter #8 - The Jewel of Life (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg523246#msg523246)
Chapter #9 - A House Divided (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg558964#msg558964)
Post #666 (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg578754#msg578754)
Chapter #10 - A New Dawn (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg647342#msg647342)
Rifotkubuk Pranced Upon (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg759538#msg759538)
Chapter #10 1/2 - A Not As New Dawn (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg769584#msg769584)
Chapter #11 - Sunrise on the Microcline (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg839085#msg839085)
The Scroll of Death (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=28365.msg975233#msg975233)
Chapter #12 - Chapter of Belated Updates (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg1043766#msg1043766)
Chapter #13 - Blockedlance: The Next Generation (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg1045402#msg1045402)
Chapter #14 - Fifty Years of Love (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=28365.msg1083804#msg1083804)
Chapter #15 - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=28365.msg1213872#msg1213872)
Chapter #16 - The Siege of Godlymirror (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=28365.msg1647624#msg1647624)
Chapter #17 - Even a Urist Feels Love (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=28365.msg1682366#msg1682366)
Chapter #18 - An Heir to the Throne (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=28365.msg1731538#msg1731538)
Chapter #19 - The Day the Music Died (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=28365.msg1802150#msg1802150)
Chapter #20 - Exile of the Khamerite Clan (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=28365.msg2052410#msg2052410)
Chapter #21 - Skirmishes of Ragnarok (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=28365.msg2217571#msg2217571)
Introduction
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SILGOMATH-2.png)
In the year 200, a group of dwarven refugees set out for the ass end of the earth, and dug a hole in the ground at a place called 'Blockedlance'...which, from what I can gather, is dwarven slang for when a girl wont have sex with you.
Anyways...Blockedlance somehow became a pretty wealthy town within 4 years. It had a steel forge, and was exporting cut diamonds, crafts, and goblin junk to all four corners of the world. Its population reached 69, shortly before a careless miner stumbled upon warm stone. Assuming she had struck magma, and eager to carve out a magma forge, the miner carved up and over the warm stone, hoping to channel down into the magma from above. Unfortunately, before she could finish tunneling over the warm stone, a wall gave way before her and the miner saw a wretched mass of elves, dwarves, and humans all chained to the wall and shrieking in horror.
It was the demon pits of legend.
The miner turned and ran, but a demon had appeared and burned the miner and her two babies alive. Flaming apparitions poured out of the pits and into the mining tunnels, where the brave warriors of Blockedlance fought and died. A messenger was sent to the Queen informing her of the discovery of adamantine as well as the unleashing of the demons. There was no hope that reinforcements would arrive in time. In a last ditch attempt to defend their home, the entire citenzry was mobilized and sent deep into the earth to fight the demons with bare fists. None survived to tell the tale.
When her majesty heard of this great frontier outpost, and of the discovery of adamantine there shortly before its destruction, she sent a reclamation party of 42 expendable dwarves.
The 42 mighty dwarves, carrying their axes, hammers, and crossbows, descended into the unholy depths of Blockedlance's ruins. There they encountered 25 Spirits of Fire, and there they salughtered them all, losing only 6 of their number, with several more sustaining ghastly injuries. Several dwarves were missing limbs, one was completely blinded, and many were horribly burned over large parts of their bodies. The field of battle itself was set on fire, and Blockedlance was purified by flame.
The 36 survivors then set about rebuilding the fallen fortress...unfortunately, their wounds, and the terrors they had witnessed were too much for the poor dwarves. Many went insane, turning on their brethren. Through murder, starvation, and dehydration, the hapless 36 were whittled down to one...
One lone dwarf named Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs, killer of five berserk dwarves, last survivor of Blockedlance, and rebuilder of the Queen's mines!
(http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/MrGimp420/Urist.jpg)
Hail Urist!
(http://i85.photobucket.com/albums/k78/MrGimp420/kills.jpg)
Can she rebuild Blockedlance all by herself? This is her tale!
Post by: Hawkfrost on December 08, 2008, 11:20:04 pm
Are you letting immigrants in or are you making it a hermit challenge ?
EDIT: I suggest bucketloads of insanity, murder, treachery, paranoia, and deceit.
Post by: Jackrabbit on December 08, 2008, 11:23:27 pm
Unless it isn't a hermit challenge.
Post by: Roundabout Lout on December 08, 2008, 11:44:16 pm
It looks like this may be another tale of DF legend.
Post by: Mook on December 08, 2008, 11:50:18 pm
Post by: rickvoid on December 08, 2008, 11:56:02 pm
Oh, and maybe we should drop the legendary talk this early on. Migursut and Nist Akath didn't become legendary right away, and the less pressure our storyteller here feels, the better.
Post by: jester on December 09, 2008, 10:47:05 am
Post by: MrGimp on December 09, 2008, 12:18:26 pm
Chapter #1 - The Crucible
Well it was early summer of 204. The demons were gone, and Urist was all alone. The whole 'fortress' (wretched pit would be more like it) was covered in blood, rotting bodies, bones, and junk...vast scattered mountains of junk. Urist sat for a moment, calming down from the horrors she had just seen. Just south of the entrace to the wretched pit the forest was STILL on fire, sending a massive column of smoke high into the air. Urist knew the queen would send scouts to see what had happened to the reclaim party and these precious adamantine deposits.
She had plenty of food and booze, and her squad's mission had been to take and then hold the fortress, awaiting reinforcements. So Urist would wait.
In the meantime, she had to get this scorched blood-covered cesspool cleaned up. It looked like a scene from Saw.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/MIasma.jpg)
She set about carving coffins for all the dead. The stench from the pit called Blockedlance was her only friend for the many months.
Slowly, she carved out a small catacomb, and placed the coffins in there. If Blockedlance held no peace for the living, maybe at least the dead might find some.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Catacombs.jpg)
It took Urist the better part of the year, but at last she had buried the dead. Or at least most of them. She was tired of hauling coffins and bodies. She decided to engrave the walls of the ruined dining hall, a task which the original dwarves of Blockedlance had not quite gotten around to before they got their free surprise cremations.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Engrave.jpg)
She carved happy things. Purring maggots, five pointed stars...anything to get her mind off of the horrid stench, the rotting bodies, the blood soaked walls, and her terrible memories...
She finished carving her crude pictures, and then decided she would repair the residences of the fortress. There were scattered beds and doors lying all around the fortress. She decided to place them in the old rooms, so that there would be housing for any reinforcements the queen would soon send.
Happily, Urist whistled while she worked. And then she saw it...
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/demon.jpg)
A DEMON!!!!!!! A flaming, unholy apparition of firy hell!!!!!
Hadnt Urist and her comrades rid this place of them? Holy Armok!!!
Is this it??? Is Urist going to die horribly by the hand of some random fire spirit, still haunting the grounds of Blockedlance???
Tune in next time for the continuing adventures of Urist Salvedangers, the Foggy Barbs!
Post by: Muno syoan on December 09, 2008, 01:56:17 pm
The End.
Nah, I'm kidding. I'm sure Urists' death will be far more unusual than (un)spontaneous combustion.
Post by: MrGimp on December 09, 2008, 03:13:49 pm
Amazingly, the spirit of fire didn't immediately pursue, and Urist quickly locked the door, trapping the non-corporeal (although apparently still corporeal enough) entity of fire inside the dolomite room.
"Whew...that was too close." She wiped the sweat off her brow and returned to her work.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Spring205.jpg)
She finished the remainder of the winter building beds and doors, and smoothing and engraving the stone at the top of the great stairway...which was actually a rampway...and totally half-assed and unfinished. Whoever was the overseer of the first Blockedlance was a total idiot and douchebag to have designed such claptrap.
Speaking of the overseer, Urist was staying in the old overseer's splendid bedroom. She also made use of the splendid office and the fine dining room. They were the only rooms engraved by the lazy dwarves of the first Blockedlance. Compared to her life in the military, and before that her life as a ranger, this was living high on the hog.
Urist even began noticing that the scattered junk all around the fortress was actually valuable...at least to stupid elf and human merchants. She was sitting on a mountain of nearly half a million dwarfbucks!
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/UristHappy.jpg)
For the first time in her life, Urist was truly happy.
It was only natural that her happiness be taken away.
She saw a band approaching Blockedlance, they were dwarves, and they carried the banner of the Queen of the Ageless Matched Lashes! In fact, as they got closer, Urist realized that the purple robed brat leading the way was THE QUEEN HERSELF!!!!
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Queen.jpg)
"What the hell? What is Cog Giltbalanced the Tactical Relief of Fortifying doing all the way out here at a place like THIS?" Urist shouted aloud in disbelief. She turned back and looked inside the fort. The stench of death still hung throughout the corridors. Bones of fallen wardogs were piled waist high in the main corridor, where Urist and her team had first attempted to breach into the depths of this foul mountainside.
This place wasnt fit for a queen! It was barely fit for ANY living thing except maggots and vultures!
But what could she do? The Queen was here to take Urist's treasure away.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/BoneCarver.jpg)
At least she brough a bone carver with her...there would be much work for him in this terrible place.
Post by: MrGimp on December 09, 2008, 03:23:01 pm
Thanks for all who have posted, and all who are reading. As for where Im going with it, I have no clue. I didnt really intend to even write a story, except that after this fort got destroyed and the lone survivor of the reclaim was named Urist, I felt obligated to tell the tale. You know?
Im a little ahead of the story, one thing I noticed that sucks is that goblins arent attacking me, they want to trade now. In the original Blockedlance the golbins attacked. When I did the reclaim I checked and the Ageless Matched Lashes are still at war with the nearby goblin civ. I dont get why they trade now? Hopefully theyll attack me if/when I get past pop 80? If not, Im sure as hell going to attack them.
And the elves. Pointy eared bastards.
Post by: Jackrabbit on December 09, 2008, 06:43:51 pm
Loving this story.
Post by: Strife26 on December 09, 2008, 06:47:41 pm
Post by: Muno syoan on December 09, 2008, 06:48:34 pm
Post by: Shoruke on December 09, 2008, 11:54:06 pm
Post by: MrGimp on December 09, 2008, 11:54:22 pm
Yeah Jackrabbit, I like your idea of siding with the goblins...sounds interesting.
Anyways, back to the story...
***************************************
"Holy hell foul dwarf!" shouted the Queen.
"What!?" Urist stood with blood and vomit spatter covering every inch of her body. "What's wrong?"
"Uh....well...I see the battle has been hard fought. How many were lost?"
"Uh...how many of us were there originally?" Urist asked sheepishly.
"Forty-two," answered Queen Cog.
"Oh...then we lost forty-one."
"WHAT?! Do you mean to tell me you're the ONLY survivor?"
"Yes, your majesty. I've been living here for over a year."
"Well...I suppose a peasant doesnt need much, right....uhhh....what was your name dwarf?" asked the Queen snobbishly.
"Urist Salvedangers, the Foggy Barbs, at your service your majesty!"
"The Foggy Barbs? haw haw haw" the Queen's royal laugh sent a shiver up Urist's spine. "What does that even mean dwarf?"
"Barbs hidden in fog. Its the most dangerous place!" Urist answered proudly.
"Hmph...well...I suppose you've gotten this place running again, right? What have you been eating?"
"I've been living off of moldy mushrooms and cheap mushroom wine. Would you care for some?"
"Ack! No dwarf! By Armok! Look...everyone, bring your things inside and claim a bunk for yourself. Urist, you'll be a good little dwarf and fetch my bags now."
"Yes, your majesty." Urist grumbled under her breath at this foul blue blooded creature. And to think...she thought the horror that had riddled Blockedlance had passed.
****************
I gotta cut it short right now...Ill get more up tomorrow!
Post by: MrGimp on December 10, 2008, 01:22:08 pm
"Oh Armok! Look at this place!" shrieked the queen as she waded through the bones of the war dogs.
"Yes...uh....well a battle did take place here your majesty."
"Why havent you cleaned this place up??? Youve been here a year!"
"Yes, your majesty, but there were more important things, like burrying our heroic dead. To be honest, I didnt know you were coming. I would have advised you not to come."
"Well, I'm here...and now you have help. You will clean this place," ordered the Queen. Urist nodded. "Good...have the dwarves carry out your orders, you're in charge. I've got better things to do than dote on you peasants. Now where are my chambers?"
"I uh....I havent carved any out for a noble....Ill get on it once I clean up the bones. There are plenty of bedrooms downstairs, your majesty."
"Hmph." The Queen relented. She placed her things in one of the small peasant rooms. Life...briefly...returned to normal.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/UristCarveWall.jpg)
Urist was glad to have the help...and she was glad to be the boss, even if the queen was around. The Queen seemed to like other people doing all the work anyways.
As Urist commanded the Bone Carver to start making things out of the skulls and bones, the queen did nothing. As the farmers planted seed which would feed the entire fortress, the queen still did nothing. As Urist and the remaining dwarves piled the steel weapons and armor into the barracks stockpile, the queen, again, did nothing.
But that was the routine at Blockedlance.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/anotherDay.jpg)
Life settled into a form a normality...if one could call living next door to an imprisoned fire demon normal.
Life was good. In fact, the only person who was ever unhappy was the damn queen. Either the mushrooms were too soggy, or the mushroom wine had too many soggy chunks in it, or she was sick of eating and drinking mushroom all the time....on and on this needy high maintenance bitch went with her petty problems.
The worst was when she complained about her lodgings. With months of doing nothing, the queen had plenty of time on her hands. She had apparently found her way downstairs and discovered Urist's splendid chambers, office, and private dining room. Suffice it to say, she was outraged and threw a tantrum.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/queentantrum.jpg)
Urist was trying to console the Queen when all of a sudden a farmer ran up to them completely out of breath and shouting frantically.
"YOUR HIGHNESS!!!!! YOUR HIGHNESS!!!!"
"Damnit dwarf, address your mindless complaints to the overseer!" shouted Cog.
"OVERSEER! Quick! A demon! Theres a demon out in the field! Hes got Meng Syrupfuture!"
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/anotherdemon.jpg)
Urist rushed to the entrace and looked to the north. Sure enough, Meng was lying motionless on the ground and was being horribly burned by the spirit of fire.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/burn.jpg)
Urist had been afraid of another demon popping up. This one had apparently been hiding in the hills above Blockedlance for over a year. But she had taken precautions, equipping 5 of the migrants with weapons. It was too late for Meng, but the fortress would be defended till the last.
Urist ordered the marksdwarf and 4 axedwarves forward. Not all the soldiers heeded the order at the same time however. One axedwarf was a little earlier than everyone else, and ended up wearing his burnt ass as a hat. The marksdwarf stood on a hill firing below, wounded the spirit of fire somehow. The demon charged at the markswarf, who was helpless at close range. He died, and the demon continued on inside Blockedlance. He made it a few feet before the other 3 axedwarves showed up and finished him.
Blockedlance was saved!
Post by: Glacies on December 10, 2008, 01:39:02 pm
Post by: Warlord255 on December 10, 2008, 02:02:19 pm
YOU KNOW NOW WHAT YOU MUST DO.
Post by: Jackrabbit on December 10, 2008, 06:34:22 pm
Post by: MrGimp on December 10, 2008, 07:33:11 pm
Urist thought she could get back to her engraving, it was quite therapuetic for her. But no...the queen was still not happy.
"Urist!"
"No need to thank me for letting you move into the old overseer's room your majesty, I was happy to -"
"Shut up! The room is detestable! Sure it's a splendid room...but it's not exactly royal," explained the queen.
"Well...*sigh*...what would you like me to do about it?" asked Urist.
"I would like a whole new room. I don't like the idea of living in somebody else's old room. A queen shouldnt need hand me downs. Oh...and I'm going to need you to carve out a massive royal burial tomb for me."
"What? You want to be burried HERE?"
"Of course...this is going to become the wealthiest mine in the world with all that adamantine!" The Queen's face beamed and her eyes twinkled. Then she frowned. "Tell me, dwarf...why haven't we started mining adamantine yet?"
"Uh...well, we dont even have a forge up yet...and we dont have a full time craftsdwarf to extract the -"
"Excuses excuses. I know all about you Urist. You're a loafer and a criminal! I found a soldier's old logbook lying in the hallway, under a pile of junk. This soldier kept track of the crimes going on in this fort shortly before he died. He names YOU as having done unspeakable things to the animals!"
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/UristCriminal.jpg)
"WHAT?! LIES!!! I did no such thing!" shouted Urist. "There was no proper sheriff at the time...that evidence isn't admissable in court! That logbook was being kept by some half-mad starving dwarf anyways...nothing written in there is true!"
"I dont believe you Urist!"
"Damnit! I dont care if you fell out of the royal vagina or not! Where I come from it is deed, not blood, that determines a person's worth! I'm Urist Salvedangers, the Foggy Barbs! I killed Erush Shieldpaints the Trifling Flimsiness!!!! You WILL respect me!!!
Urist couldnt believe what had come over her. The Queen looked horrified. She was utterly speechless...at last. After an awkward and silent moment, the queen skulked off, and Urist didnt hear from her for a while.
The months wore on. Urist appointed one of the farmers, Mafol Lanceappears, as the hamlet broker, and sold scrap crafts to the elf and human traders that visited. It was a way to pick up other varieties of booze and food, and also to get the place cleaned up.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/StrangeMeeting.jpg)
One night, Urist was awoken by a sound in her room. She jumped in terror when she saw someone standing over her bed. But it was just Mafol, the trader.
"Uhhh...what are you doing?" asked Urist.
"I'm attending the meeting."
"What meeting Mafol? I'm not CONDUCTING a meeting! I'm trying to sleep right now!"
"I see that...but I cant do anything else until I get this taken care of."
"Damnit Mafol....Im going to bed! Ill speak with you in the morning!" Urist rolled back over and threw the covers over her face. Mafol didn't move a muscle.
"Sure boss. I'll wait."
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/queentantrum2.jpg)
After Urist awoke and conducted the meeting, he was greeted with horrible news. The queen had thrown yet another tantrum, this time killing one of the farmer's pet bull.
"That's it! That's the last straw. She can't flagrantly violate the law and expect to get away with it just because she's a noble! She wanted me beaten and thrown in jail for a almost a year for disorderly conduct! Well let's see how SHE likes serving hard time. Lock her in that splendid bedroom of hers! Then throw away the key!" The dwarves, ever distrustful of nobility, did as they were commanded. She kicked and screamed as they took her away.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/queentantrum3.jpg)
They locked her up and she immediately destroyed a door. Luckily, it was not the door that lead out of the cell...er, bedroom.
Within a couple weeks, the glorious news was brought to Urist's ears: Cog Giltbalance the Tactical Relief of Fortifying had starved and died.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/queendead.jpg)
Post by: Jackrabbit on December 10, 2008, 07:39:20 pm
Post by: Strife26 on December 10, 2008, 10:45:25 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on December 10, 2008, 10:51:41 pm
Post by: MrGimp on December 10, 2008, 11:09:12 pm
Warlord255 - Nah...I got a better idea for that spirit of fire...if it works out the way Im envisioning it. haha
I know everyone wants a hermit challenge...I do too...but Id need a migrant killing machine, and to build a migrant killing machine Im going to need migrants. Dont worry...there will be blood. And of course insane dwarves named Urist. If enough dwarves end up dying, and I stop getting migrants, this could end up being a hermit challenge all by itself.
Post by: Warlord255 on December 10, 2008, 11:16:43 pm
Post by: AlienChickenPie on December 11, 2008, 07:35:20 am
Post by: MrGimp on December 11, 2008, 12:31:14 pm
Won't a new King/Queen show up?...
Yes but they can be taken care of once I get a noble disemboweling device up and running. Im thinking of Urist either leading an independent Blockedlance against all comers, or of Urist going insane and building a death machine for everyone to hop inside of. I cant decide...
Post by: MrGimp on December 11, 2008, 12:46:29 pm
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/spring206.jpg)
Not much happened for the rest of 205, or any of 206. Urist burried the queen in the catacombs, along with everyone else. No special place for her. She'll spend eternity next to the bull she killed.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/elvesGoblins.jpg)
Theres the Trade Depot. Thats where we get our trade on.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/UristSmoothHall.jpg)
Urist spent the rest of the year smoothing the hallways in the bedroom level. It was calming and relaxing. Urist felt she had time to think. Soon it became something of an obsession, but the other dwarves didnt seem to mind. She was making the place look nice. Plus she was a hero for ridding Blockedlance of the demons...and then of course she killed a queen! In dwarven society, killing a noble is seen as one of the most charitable and just actions one can do.
No...Urist was finding acceptance among them. Although when she heard rumors that Mafol Lanceappears had been friends with Queen Cog, Mafol was demoted to Clerk. Some other jerk, a guy named Morul, was made trader. Urist would have none of the queen's pawns representing Blockedlance to the outside world!
And so the year 206 passed uneventfully. No migrants had the bearded dwarven testicles to stomach the move to Blockedlance.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/DeathTrap.jpg)
Post by: dizzyelk on December 12, 2008, 01:32:04 pm
Quote
"Damnit! I dont care if you fell out of the royal vagina..."
I laughed so hard at this. Best line ever.
Post by: MrGimp on December 13, 2008, 01:41:43 pm
Spring 207. The elves scatter in terror at the sight of our elf and human skull totems.
"I will never understand those damn elves!" Urist was heard to remark.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/caveriver.jpg)
After a year of smoothing and engraving the residence halls, Urist decided she would carve out a massive palace complex. You know, in case another queen came along, of course. After carving the throne room, she went on to carve the east wing and the royal bedroom when all of a sudden she struck a cave river waterfall ! It was an amazing sight, spectacular even!
"I couldn't have planned this better! A waterfall right in my...errr....the royal bedroom! It's perfect!" Urist shouted in excitement. She rushed to establish a new design.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/UristPalace.jpg)
The rest of the year could have been described as 'Problems with Magma'...
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/UristLava.jpg)
In an attempt to carve a magma forge in the adamantine-rich demon pits, Urist carved a channel. But there was another magma pool above, and this played havoc on which stone she could and could not channel out. In the first mishap, Urist nearly fell into molten lava.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/MagmaProblem.jpg)
Then she carved a new channel.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/MagmaProblem2.jpg)
But she didnt pay attention to how the changed plans affected the tunnels below. This resulted in lava spilling out into the only exit back to the surface that Urist had.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/MagmaProblem3.jpg)
Urist makes her escape from the Underworld.
The lava eventually evaporated, and so we now only have 3 tiny pools of lava for the entire fort.
Damn.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Palace2.jpg)
Oh well...at least the Palace is coming along nicely.
Post by: MrGimp on December 13, 2008, 06:26:50 pm
"Yes, it is," said Morul Cryptassault, the legendary trader of Blockedlance. "I am your loyal servant in this endeavor. We must act now to save our great nation."
"Good. I will need your help in the coming months and years." Urist sipped her cup of sunshine. "We will need to get the Queen's man on board," she added.
"He shouldn't be a problem."
"No...either way...he wont be a problem," Urist chuckled. "Well then, there it is. Onto other matters....I think we need to stop this uselss 'trading with others' policy. Have the goblin's trading goods seized."
"Yes, my lady," said Morul. He bowed and left the gigantic bedroom Urist had been living in.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Spring208.jpg)
The Goblins leave Blockedlance, fearing their lives were in jeopardy anywhere near these insane creatures.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/GoblinsLeave.jpg)
Urist finished setting up the magma forge and worked day and night smelting iron and casting it into different things. She started learning blacksmithing along with her stoneworking. When she ran out of hematite ore, she mined out a massive glob of magnetite over the course of a weekend.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/IronMine.jpg)
She realized how much output she could produce compared to the other dwarves. She began to realize her superiority. She could run this entire place alone.
I only need them to haul stone, Urist thought to herself.
Urist spent the year smelting, smithing, and mining and STILL found time to add finishing touches to the royal bedroom under construction one floor deeper than the commoners' rooms. That's just how badass she is.
Meanwhile, the other dwarves were in awe of the power of her pick, and the speed of her chisel. They adored the masterwork engravings that covered every wall...
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/DemonEngrave.jpg)
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/DwarfDie1.jpg)
And Urist's personal favorite, the one she carved relentlessly over and over...
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/UristEngrave.jpg)
The dwarves idolized the legendary Urist. She could do no wrong, even though no one really knew her well enough to call her a friend. All her friends had died, and Urist had replaced relationships with work. The people she knew now were all passing acquaintances. They still loved her despite her aloofness, however, perhaps even because of it. They knew she was batshit insane, but dwarves view insanity as charming.
"Sanity is like life without beer," the great dwarf sage Cog Fucius once said.
And so it was that even the Clerk Mafol Lanceappears, friend of the
Post by: MrGimp on December 13, 2008, 06:36:41 pm
Chapter #2 - Revolution!!!
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Spring209.jpg)
It is spring 209. The reclaim effort has been going on 5 years now. I looked at the legends real quick, and I know why theres no queen coming. My civ doesnt have any rulers!
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/NoRuler209.jpg)
Apparently, and I hadnt realized this...my civ had their last mountain hall destroyed 30 years before Blockedlance was founded in 200. In 201, the Ageless Matched Lashes rebuilt the mountain hall at Letterclose, which Queen Cog had actually fled from 30 years ago after the old ruler was killed and mutilated.
Now...the crown should be inherited by whomever is the last surviving local leader of a civ right?
That can mean only one thing...
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/UristQueen209.jpg)
All hail Urist Salvedangers, Queen of the Ageless Matched Lashes!!! Long live Queen Urist!
Post by: Jackrabbit on December 13, 2008, 06:52:11 pm
Post by: Warlord255 on December 13, 2008, 06:54:32 pm
A coup such as this must be staged, that a Dwarven warrior might be promoted to King, leading the armies into battle.
Post by: MC Dirty on December 15, 2008, 04:09:24 am
Also, bump for awesomeness!
Post by: MrGimp on December 15, 2008, 05:42:13 pm
No sooner had Urist announced her ascension, and crowned herself queen than a band of hardy dwarves with manly beards on their sacks showed up. Word spread fast around these parts. Apparently, there were many survivors of the destruction of Letterclose, clinging to a meager existence out here in these haunted and terrifying lands.
Urist greeted them warmly. The food stockpiles were overflowing, the mines coming along nicely, the forges set up, and the cave itself was becoming quite ornately decorated. Most of the new migrants became warriors, and the former soap makers set out to train in combat.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/16800.jpg)
The year 209 also brough us our very first artifact! It is a bone greave, so its useless in a fort with steel and adamantine. But whatever. The guy who carved it is now a legendary bone carver, and my other bone carver is almost legendary. Blockedlance is running out of bone because of these two.
Urist knew that if she was to build a safe haven for nearby dwarves to come to, she needed to forify this area. All by herself she began building a wall around the perimeter of the fortress. She was the forts only mason, but she was faster than a whole crew of masons. She had to destroy a few things to make way for the wall, and Urist was surprised to notice a CHILD helping to clear the path for the new wall.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Child1.jpg)
"Morul! Damnit, what is this kid doing up here?"
"Your majesty?"
"This child right here!" Queen Urist pointed. "Who told this child to come up here and remove this construction?"
"Uhhh...nobody, your majesty."
"Then why is this child removing this construction???" Urist nearly shouted.
"Uhhh...I hate to break it to you your majesty, but...."
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Child2.jpg)
Just as Urist and Morul were discussing the issue, someone came running with news that a craftsdwarf of Blockedlance has just carved the most valuable artifact in the known world....a totally plain Adamantine Mug!!!
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/600000.jpg)
It was worth 600,000 dwarfbucks. Urist had it placed in her dining room.
Post by: MrGimp on December 15, 2008, 06:21:54 pm
It is now Spring of 210. Another small band of migrants showed up and more dwarves continue to stumble out of the dark forest into our encampment throughout the year.
Soon we are a healthy sized hamlet again. We seem to have survived our grand disembowelment at the hands of the fire spirits. The goblins dont even seem to haunt this place anymore. Instead, they come to trade!
"Your majesty, I must confess, I am perplexed by your trading policies," said Morul Cryptassault during a meeting one day.
"Yes? And why is that?"
"Well, we seem to just keep taking everything from the goblins and elves."
"What's wrong with that Morul, we've never robbed dwarves."
"Oh, yes, your majesty! But wont they get mad and attack us?"
"Hahahaha!" Queen Urist laughed heartily. "Oh come now Morul, dont you WANT to fight elves and goblins?"
"Uhhh...I....well, sure....I guess."
"Good. Because I want to fucking kill them. Badly." Urist sipped sunshine out of her new adamantine mug. There was a knock at the door. Urist motioned Morul to answer it. It was a peasant carrying a rose quartz harp.
"Your majesty, I have another gift for you!" said a peasant as he hauled the harp in.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/210-artifact.jpg)
"Yes, it is very lovely, put it over there. Tell me peasant, what is the name of this artifact?" asked Urist.
"Rimtar Glovestokers...it's named after its maker!" smiled the dwarf.
"Yes...how charming. Well Morul...I believe that's it. OH! Can you look in to this demonic infestation I keep hearing about?"
"Demonic infestation, your majesty?" asked Morul.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/210-DemonRat.jpg)
"Yeah...Ive heard several peasants complain about large dead rats stinking up the store room. Be a dear and make sure it's cleaned up would you?"
"Yes, your majesty." Morul headed out to take care of Blockedlance's demon rat problem.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/210-ChildMood.jpg)
Meanwhile, that uppity child is at it again! This time she has entered some kind of strange mood! Urist was horrified by these developments that go counter to nature's plan.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/210-ChildArtifact.jpg)
A turtle shell bracelet. Hey, at least it's got a demon on it. That's cool.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/210-ChildLegend.jpg)
Damnit!
ANOTHER legendary bone carver!?!?!?
How many do we need???
Post by: Jackrabbit on December 15, 2008, 08:23:11 pm
To deal with the bones of goblins and elves.
*Evil laugh*
Post by: MrGimp on December 16, 2008, 02:50:38 pm
And soon it came to pass that it was spring of 211. Rifotkubuk, the great fortress of Blockedlance, had grown into a mighty village. The requirements of running the place were beginning to put a strain on Queen Urist. She convened the triumvirate of power that was Blockedlance's government. Morul the trader and Mafol the Clerk met with Urist in the grand throne room. Urist sat on a platinum throne, sipping sunshine out of her ever present Adamantine mug; Ashokvakist ('Timelaces').
"What I propose is ceding more power to you, Morul. Perhaps you could run the day to day affairs? Just make sure the stockpiles are full, and the vermin are kept out. And if the peasants have a complaint you will be the man they go to. In return I will let you sleep in the old overseer's room."
"Uh, yes your majesty. That sounds very good, thank you!" smiled Morul.
"Yes, we'll do it in a way that makes the peasants feel good...like an election. We'll have you elected mayor!"
"Oh, your majesty, you do me too much justice. Could I really win an election?"
"Sure, you're popular enough! Don't worry, either way, I will make sure you are mayor. I count the votes afterall!" laughed Urist. Morul smiled uneasily.
"Uh, your majesty?" asked Mafol Lanceappears, the Clerk.
"Yes?"
"What new powers should I assume?" he asked happily.
"Oh......ummmm...well, I know! Why don't you assist Morul? You could help him keep the demon rats out of the storeroom, and just make sure this place is kept tidy."
"Well, forgive me your majesty, but that's my job now. I was hoping I could get more responisbilities...and maybe a bigger room?"
"Well Mafol, I - " Urist began. Suddenly, a guard entered the throne room and approached Urist. He whispered something into the Queens ear. "Yes, let them in," she nodded. "Well, gentlemen, we're going to have to cut this short. It appears some more migrants have arrived, including someone who claims to be a 'Dungeon Master'. I shall speak with you again. Congratulations Morul, you can begin moving your stuff into the room right away."
"Yes your majesty!"
Urist went off to meet this Master of Dungeons.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/211-DungeonMasterMad.jpg)
The Dungeon Master's name was Ast Lulledmerchant. She was a worshipper of Ber Steelearthern, the Dyes of Brightness, just as Urist was. But immediately the two did not get along. Urist was hoping the Dungeon Master might take some of the administrative slack off of her hands, but it wasn't to be the case. Ast had no patience for administration, and spent all her time pondering fell beasts and treasure. She had quite opulent tastes. Urist carved a room out for her immediately, but Ast was horribly upset at Urist's accomodations. Ast didn't seem to think Urist was a legitimate Queen. If Ast really was a Dungeon Master, then perhaps she had a fortress somewhere? Perhaps Ast thought herself the rightful heir to the throne of the Ageless Matched Latches?
Urist decided to keep an eye on this one.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/211-ArtifactHarp2.jpg)
Meanwhile, someone carved Urist ANOTHER rose quartz harp. This one was much cooler, however, as it had a picture of a dwarf holding up Ashokvakist, the admantine mug that Urist loved so much.
Before the summer was over, more problems plagued Blockedlance. Morul had come to Urist wondering what to do with a dry well.
'Damnit Morul, YOU are the Mayor! The whole reason I made you mayor was so YOU could deal with this kind of stuff!!! So go deal with it! Build a new damn well somewhere!"
"Well that's the problem, your majesty! The next nearest pool of water is incredibly tiny and weve been using it as a garbage dump for excess animal lard," explained Morul.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/211-FatWater.jpg)
Queen Urist, donning her best Marie Antoinette voice, exclaimed, "Then let them drink fat!"
Post by: DI7789 on December 16, 2008, 04:29:10 pm
Queen Urist, donning her best Marie Antoinette voice, exclaimed, "Then let them drink fat!"
Pre-Sigged ;D excellent story, its rekindled my love for the name 'Urist'
Edit for typo
Post by: AlienChickenPie on December 17, 2008, 05:30:50 pm
Post by: LegoLord on December 17, 2008, 05:40:30 pm
Interesting fun fact: there is no evidence suggesting that Mary Antoinette said "let them eat cake." As far as historians can tell, she had no idea there was a protest going on, and someone just claimed she said that to get the people riled up.Queen Urist, donning her best Marie Antoinette voice, exclaimed, "Then let them drink fat!"
Pre-Sigged ;D excellent story, its rekindled my love for the name 'Urist'
Edit for typo
Post by: Plank of Wood on December 17, 2008, 05:42:51 pm
Interesting fun fact: there is no evidence suggesting that Mary Antoinette said "let them eat cake." As far as historians can tell, she had no idea there was a protest going on, and someone just claimed she said that to get the people riled up.Queen Urist, donning her best Marie Antoinette voice, exclaimed, "Then let them drink fat!"
Pre-Sigged ;D excellent story, its rekindled my love for the name 'Urist'
Edit for typo
Though she did get the trains to run on- oh, wait.
Post by: Qmarx on December 17, 2008, 06:23:36 pm
Post by: LegoLord on December 17, 2008, 06:27:25 pm
So, wait. Is the name Salved-angers, or Salve-dangers?I'm pretty sure "salved" is not a word. So my guess is Salve-dangers.
Post by: MrGimp on December 18, 2008, 02:23:48 pm
Shirty five horse fat?
Its a lot huh? Its like, shirteen times eleventy.
Post by: MrGimp on December 18, 2008, 02:39:59 pm
So, wait. Is the name Salved-angers, or Salve-dangers?I'm pretty sure "salved" is not a word. So my guess is Salve-dangers.
Yeah it's Salve-Dangers.
"Salve - anything that soothes, mollifies, or relieves."
She relieves the dangers. Shes the foggy barb damnit! Unless she's using salve in the other usage -
"a medicinal ointment for healing or relieving wounds and sores."
Post by: MrGimp on December 18, 2008, 02:55:49 pm
The rest of 211 brought yet more artifacts. First, an engineer got all eggheady on us and built a silver mechanism with spikes of oak. What we will do with it I have no idea.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/211-RecruitMood.jpg)
Then we had a recruit get all uppity on us. He gets into this mood, he goes all the way down to the bottom of the fortress and pushes one of the strand extractors out of his workshop. He nearly got beaten for slowing down the production of adamantine strands...but he made up for it by carving Queen Urist a turtle shell idol of her beloved God, Ber Steelearthen.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/211-RecruitArtifact.jpg)
Of course, after he carved this fine artifact, he became legendary for his bone carving skills. *sigh*
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/211-AdamantineSlaves.jpg)
Anyhoo, heres the adamantine slaves working the mines. They do nothing all day but extract strands, and still they cant get shit done. Theyve been down there over a year so far. Jerks.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/211-DungeonMasterHappy.jpg)
As for the Dungeon Master, relations have warmed a little. She seems to really admire the work that Queen Urist had done so far, and as more and more dwarves came to live under the Queens rule, Ast's complaints of illegitimacy seemed completely irrelevant.
Also, it helped that Urist had carved and engraved a wonderful room for the dungeon master, much nicer than anything she probably had at her old fortress.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/211-Opulence.jpg)
The dungeon master's room paled in comparison to Urist's chambers however. Platinum thrones, platinum tables, golden statues, a chest full of artifacts, a waterfall right in the royal bedroom and plans for a multitude of adamantine statues to be placed throughout the palace.
This is Blockedlance. Opulence is mandatory.
Post by: LegoLord on December 18, 2008, 05:24:14 pm
Post by: MrGimp on December 18, 2008, 06:20:32 pm
You should make the statues out of Raw adamantine if you have a legendary stonecrafter. You ultimately get more value out of it 'cause a metal adamantine statue takes 10 wafers.
Totally. You only need refined adamantine for weapons and armor. Urist is just barely sub-legendary as a mason. When shes done getting to full legendary Ill have her carve the statues.
But yeah, I learned long ago of the tedious waste of making furniture from adamantine wafers. haha
Post by: Jackrabbit on December 19, 2008, 12:47:31 am
Post by: AlienChickenPie on December 19, 2008, 02:47:03 am
Post by: MrGimp on December 19, 2008, 05:25:38 pm
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/212-Spring.jpg)
Welcome to the town of Rifotkubuk, now with resized screenshots!
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/212-EastWall.jpg)
Here is the keep. It's the defensive barrier that will be holding back the elf and goblin hordes in the years to come...if Armok would only be so kind as to rekindle the spark of bloodlust in their cold-blooded hearts.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/212-EastWall2.jpg)
Here is the upper section, with marksdwarves on lookout.
Urist built that entire stone wall herself (the wooden walls of the future horse corals were built by the carpenters). Shes the only mason Blockedlance needs. She honestly builds faster than a crew of non-legendaries would.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/212-MainHall.jpg)
Heres the main hall. Im expanding the dining area and placing glass windows. It's not finished. I'll also have other dining areas down below.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/212-Bedrooms.jpg)
Here's the peasant residence hall. Im expanding it north towards the river, and on the banks of that river Im going to build the peasant's communal statue garden. You have to give the peasant's plenty of diversions if you want them to shut up about all the wealth and power youre accumulating.
Ignore the room being carved at the bottom left.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/212-Catacombs.jpg)
Here are the catacombs as of Spring 212. It's pretty much all full. The big room is the Dungeon Master's burial chamber. I didn't want to do it, but what can you do? I kept it simple, dolomite statues and a diorite coffin. She's lucky she got smoothed floors.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/212-Forge.jpg)
I know Urist wouldnt have done it for any other noble, but the dungeon master not only worships the same god, but shes also one of those rare nobles that work...just like Queen Urist. Here is Ast Lulledmerchant forging some random metal item now.
Post by: MrGimp on December 19, 2008, 05:34:03 pm
"My good dwarves, you are getting very skilled in your art."
"Thank you, your majesty!" the two dwarves beamed.
"Tell me, how long would it take to build a wall as wide as a caravan's wagon?" asked the Queen. It was an odd question.
"Um, not long at all. Why?"
"The goblins have just arrived and are unloading their goods. I want you to seal them inside the trade depot."
"Your majesty?"
"Just do it. And go tell the marksdwarves to move over there on that ledge, where they can get a better shot of the depot."
"Um...yes your majesty," was the dutiful reply.
Post by: Shoruke on December 20, 2008, 12:52:05 am
Shirty five horse fat?
Its a lot huh? Its like, shirteen times eleventy.
I ishn't drunk. zhat zhere'sh shirty-five peesheshz of fatsh. Shee? I can countsh jusht fine.
Post by: Jackrabbit on December 20, 2008, 02:40:53 am
Post by: MrGimp on December 24, 2008, 06:08:47 pm
"Yesss?"
"The dwarvesss have nailed boardsss over the entrance! We're trapped!"
"What? No. We're here to trade." The goblin captain shouted to the marksdwarves on the hill, "Hey dwarf, we need to get out of here. We have homesss and familiesss."
The marksdwarf smiled and held his crossbow high. The goblins banged on the wooden blockade, screaming to be let out. The marksdwarves just laughed.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/noyouwont.jpg)
"Oh no you wont..." said the marksdwarf squad leader as he aimed his crossbow for one of the goblins' heads.
Post by: MrGimp on December 24, 2008, 06:24:30 pm
The goblins were mercilessly cut down. That will show them for trying to peacefully trade with dwarves!
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Champ1.jpg)
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Champ2.jpg)
Heres our two greatest champions. Theyre actually wounded and dont train anymore, theyre really not our greatest...but they see the most action. They werent in on the goblin slaughter but they did just kill some crazy dwarf who went berserk down in the lower levels and killed a strand extractor. Fikkod Inodzoz is the only living dwarf who has killed a Spirit of Fire. He's my favorite dude.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/DeadChamp.jpg)
Speaking of our champions, one just bled to death.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/DeadChamp2.jpg)
But hey, he worships chaos war and fortresses, so its not a big deal if he dies from the chaos of simulated war in the barracks of our great fortress.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/LateSpringMigrants.jpg)
Just as Urist was ordering the champion an honorable burial, migrants arrived! A tax collector, a hammerer, and a Baron and Baroness. What was their first order of business you ask?
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/DepressedWidow.jpg)
To evict the wife of the slain champion from her hovel, and force her to beg in the hallways.
Fucking nobles.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/115200.jpg)
In other news, some eccentric dwarf carved Urist a highwood scepter, so that she could rule with a more complete set of regalia.
Post by: MrGimp on December 24, 2008, 06:41:33 pm
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Count.jpg)
Right after the Baroness and Baron arrived, it struck Urist that enough dwarves lived in the area to call it not just a barony, but a county! Besides, these nobles at least worshipped the same god as Urist, so why not give them an honorary promotion? Urist wanted them to take over some of the administrative work anyways, she wasnt cut out to handle all these dwarves, all these problems, and all these details.
So, while she hated nobles, she wasnt too upset with these two. If you have to have nobles, you might as well have nobles who depend on you as the source of their power, and their protector from the outside world. These two did not inherit power, Blockedlance was far too young to have been inherited by this pair. No, they had fled Letterclose many decades ago, somehow managing to hang onto their titles and wealth even after they lost their land. And now this was their land. Or at least, a nice opulent chunk of it would be.
Urist ordered a massive chamber carved out at rush speed. Meanwhile, she tended to her duties as the Queen. But the stress of her job was taking its toll on her...as one of the peasants would notice.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/UristInsanity.jpg)
First Urist set aside time for a meeting.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Witness.jpg)
The peasant was a bit late, seeing as how Urist had asked him to haul a barrel of sunshine down with him so they could get drunk during their meeting. When he got there, he was just in time to see Urist running out the door.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/UristInsanity2.jpg)
She went upstairs. The peasant loyally followed his Queen, hauling the sunshine barrel all the way back to the still, where the Queen was drinking sunshine.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/Meeting.jpg)
Then they marched back downstairs, the peasant still hauling the booze. The meeting at last took place.
Post by: MrGimp on December 29, 2008, 04:59:28 pm
Post by: MrGimp on December 29, 2008, 05:06:05 pm
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/SuicideMission.jpg)
I wanted to get that fire spirit and put him in a little isolated firing station near a newly built Trade Depot. So I find a crippled military dwarf to be the bait.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/WoundedDwarf.jpg)
But Fire Spirits cant be trapped in cages. And did I think to edit the raws? No. I tried it a couple times, it didnt work, he died, and I carried on.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/FireDead.jpg)
He was shot by a marksdwarf oddly enough. The bait dwarf however, was bleeding heavily and fell unconscious on a trap.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/DwarfCage.jpg)
So now I have a dead Dobar in a cage.
Post by: MrGimp on December 29, 2008, 05:27:48 pm
Spring 213.
Urist was delighted to see that the small outpost had so quickly grown into a city. Rifotkubuk was the only place in all the known world where admantine was being mined. The rest of Sil Gomath (The Plane of Legends) had to make do with ancient myths and stories of long lost mines where they dug out the beautiful blue lightweight steel.
But here it was reality. And it was all Urist's.
She smiled at the thought of the fortress about to break the two million dwarfbuck mark in terms of created wealth. And that just included the wealth created since Urist arrived, it didn't include the mountains of crafts left behind by the unfortunate bastards that settled this terrifying place thirteen years ago.
It brought back memories of Urist's arrival, when dozens of demons still haunted this outpost. Visions of melted dwarf flesh dangling from charred bone. Screaming dwarves being burned alive by heartless spirits. The mountains of rotting bodies...the flies...the stench...
Urist shook her head and got back to her engraving. She was putting the finishing touches on a hilarious scene of goblins trapped in the depot.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Engraving.jpg)
The engraving brought a smile to Urist's face. Of course...goblins aren't the only beings that must be afraid of coming to Rifotkubuk.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213ElvesDie.jpg)
The Elves too, were finding out that being trapped in a hole underground takes dwarven nerves...not pansy fairiness. When the slaughter was over, one elf stood above the others, soaking up the rage that was burried beneath Blockedlance.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213ElfChamp.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on December 29, 2008, 05:41:10 pm
Summer 213.
Blockedlance grows still larger.
Not muched happened. Heres a little filler for ya. Heres some of the engravings being etched into the walls around here...
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Engrave1.jpg)
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Engrave2.jpg)
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Engrave3.jpg)
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Engrave4.jpg)
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Engrave5.jpg)
This last one is part of a series. Apparently, some human went around this area long ago slaughtering sasquatches and giant eagles, among other beasts. He appears to be quite badass, and Urist seems to love his story of giant eagle genocide.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Food.jpg)
Heres some of the food being eaten around here. Dog meat roast. Yum.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213HumanDip.jpg)
Also, the human diplomat's name is Dunem Trickscars. Trickscars? How do those work exactly?
Post by: Hawkfrost on December 29, 2008, 05:52:02 pm
Great story so far mate.
Post by: MrGimp on December 29, 2008, 06:12:38 pm
Chapter #3 - The Murder of Momuz
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Autumn.jpg)
Autumn of 213.
Waves of migrants came in the year 214, and Blockedlance, the great Rifotkubuk, had become a Metropolis.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213DukeDuchess.jpg)
The Baron and Baroness were promoted yet again, in a ceremony held in Urist's throne room. Now they would be a Duke and a Duchess, and their grand residence was receiving some finishing touches.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Philosopher.jpg)
A philosopher arrived in the most recent wave of immigrants. Urist thought he was dreamy. He was really brainy, and did nothing but sit around all day and pontificate. He was a perfect match for Urist.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Palace.jpg)
She decided to patronize the wise dwarf, and carved a room out for him within the palace itself. She hoped the time spent near each other would make them close.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Buckler.jpg)
An artifact buckler was made this season. "Big Deal," was the Queen's majestic reply.
Urist had just ordered the buckler thrown in her chest of artifacts when all of a sudden, a messenger arrived carrying news that the Duchess, drunk with the power of her new title, had sentenced one of our heroic champions to a hammering!
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213ChampHammer1.jpg)
"What? Not again! She just had the armorer hammered! He's still recuperating from his wounds!" shouted Urist, throwing her adamantine mug to the ground as she lept from her throne.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213HammerFirst.jpg)
Urist hurried out to the halls to see what was going on. She was relieved to learn that at least the Duchess had the deceny to single out someone who was already crippled for the hammering.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213ChampHammer2.jpg)
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213ChampHammer3.jpg)
Urist could not overrule the Duchess without a large upset among the fortress. She hesitated to act. She felt helpless for the first time in a long time as she watched the warrior led through the halls like an animal.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213ChampHammer4.jpg)
He was chained up the demon pit. The hammerer left to go get drunk first. Momuz Abbeycovered looked into the glowing hole, red and black whisps of smoke swirled around in a torrent, the faint sound of distant screams and moans could be heard.
Momuz wondered what the Underworld was like. He prayed to his god to save his life from the mighty hammerer.
Soon, the drunken Bomrek Lullseal came back, hammer and all.
"Be merciful!" cried Momuz.
The Hammerer raised the hammer high, and bringing it down in one swift motion, ended the life of the great Momuz Abbeycovered.
Post by: MrGimp on December 31, 2008, 08:08:02 pm
"Damn you!" she shouted. The Duchess looked confused. "I was a fool to trust you! I thought, hey she worships Ber Steelearthen, she's got to be alright. Well I was wrong! I was a fool not to see you for what you are!"
"Your majesty, please, what are you referring to?"
"You had Momuz Abbeycovered executed because your production orders werent being met!"
"That is dwarven law Urist."
"NO! That is the law of Letterclose!" Urist summoned up her best King Leonidas impression and roared, "THIS IS BLOCKEDLANCE!!!" and then kicked a random peasant into a hole.
"Where did that hole come from??? Jesus....look, Urist, I didnt mean for Momuz to lose his life. I have plenty of fine pewter goblets and earrings...I wouldnt order someone to be put to death simply because I couldnt get one more shiny trinket." The Duchess' eyes seemed to plead with Urist to believe in her innocence. The rumors had always been that the Duke was the real power behind the throne, and had been the real power ever since he married the old Dukes only daughter.
"If I am going to believe you then you must put your money where your mouth is."
"Urist Im not going to - "
"NO! Ugh...look...if you didnt order Momuz' death then that means the Hammerer killed one of our Champion's on purpose. In fact, even if it werent on purpose I must still punish him, I cant have my dwarves thinking that I favor a brutal murderous executioner over one of the defenders of our great home."
"What do you plan to do, your majesty?"
"We're going to send him a Sicilian message. I want you to deliver this message personally."
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Bears1.jpg)
And so the Duchess chained a couple bears up in the Hammerer's room. Urist was relieved that the Duchess was still a loyalist...or at least, in appearance she was. Only time would tell.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Bears2.jpg)
And only time would tell if the hammerer would starve or tantrum first...
Post by: MrGimp on December 31, 2008, 08:10:36 pm
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213WoundedAssBears.jpg)
Post by: LegoLord on December 31, 2008, 10:25:59 pm
Post by: Shoruke on December 31, 2008, 10:46:38 pm
It makes sense.
Believe it.
Post by: MrGimp on January 01, 2009, 04:46:53 pm
Those dirty elves! I've never trusted them myself. A little water . . . okay, a lot of water, should make them clean ;)
Have you been reading ahead??? hahaha...it's like you lifted the blueprints for Ber Steelearthen's holy baptismal chamber right from my head!
Post by: MrGimp on January 01, 2009, 05:04:37 pm
Winter entombs Rifotkubuk.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213Sword.jpg)
Our weaponsmith, bored with no work, passed his time away making a great Iron short sword with a demon on it. For this, his weaponmaking skills have become legendary.
Urist delved deeper into the mystery surrounding Momuz Abbeycovered's death. The hammerer of course maintained his innocence. He was 'just doing his job'. Urist wasn't convinced.
She also wasn't convinced that the Mayor and Clerk werent in on the scheme. Urist knew that if she were the Duke, stealing the loyalty of the Mayor and Clerk would give her the strength she would need to launch a coup. Urist's throne was in danger. She saw enemies all around. She was wary of how much authority the Mayor/Trader had accumulated. She decided she would remove his trading responsibilities and grant them to one of the Migrants, a Thob Whipcolor. Thob was a loyal follower of Ber Steelearthen.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213NewTrader.jpg)
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213HammererHappy.jpg)
The Hammerer's spirits remained high, despite the fact that he was locked up in his room with a couple elf-tortured grizzly bears. Urist was worried her plan might backfire. She decided that if the Hammerer dies from starvation or dehydration, it wont exactly make her look Regal. Besides...this sadistic bastard needed to suffer.
(http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/oo187/mrdump420/213HammerChamber.jpg)
Urist carved the hammerer a chamber down the hall from his old room. His old domicile was given to the new trader Thob Whipcolor, and his new domicile was part of a much larger complex. This complex would be Urist's secret weapon in maintaining loyalty among the peasants, and control of the nobility...
Post by: MrGimp on February 25, 2009, 06:49:09 pm
It was rumored she had finally gone (more) insane, and was holed away in her palatial estate talking to the statues and engravings. But everyone knew that the truth had to be far stranger. Eventually Urist came out of her lair, her hair disheveled and her clothes smelling foul, but otherwise she seemed alright. She just came out and started talking to everyone again as if nothing had happened. It was quite odd, but as the old saying goes, "a dwarf without madness is like a belly without food".
By now it was Spring of 214.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214Spring.jpg)
The place was going great, everyone was eating gourmet sunshine roasts...it was food fit for some kind of dwarven Emperor.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214SunshineRoast.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214SunshineRoast2.jpg)
Hell, even the hammerer was doing fine, even though he was trapped in a tiny cave with some bears.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214HammererFine.jpg)
Yeah the only people who werent doing well in Rifotkubuk were the people who were NEVER doing well in Rifotkubuk, that is to say the elves and goblins, who were getting the opportunity to know each other before they died together.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214ElfGoblin.jpg)
Post by: Jackrabbit on February 25, 2009, 06:51:28 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 25, 2009, 07:38:40 pm
Time went on and the Hammerer started to get a little unhappy.
"Fuck that guy," Urist remarked.
One day, a soldier ran up to Urist, screaming something indecipherable.
"Calm down peasant. Speak. Slowly." Queen Urist was becoming quite the bitch, as was her role in Dwarven society.
"YOUR MAJESTY! A DRAGON!!! A dragon has come to Blockedlance!" With that the soldier slumped down, gasping for air.
Somebody get this guy some booze!" Urist ordered. "And yeah, go kill that dragon. Im sure our boys can handle the beast easily enough, theyve been training for a damn decade."
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214Dragon1.jpg)
(If you want to see the original fight go here http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1127-dragoneasyslaughter (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1127-dragoneasyslaughter))
The dragon was cut down like butter. Queen Urist ordered a reload. No one was sure what she meant, until all of a sudden another dragon was on the horizon. The dwarves panicked, and sent the military out again. Again the dragon fell like butter. Again Urist issued her bizzare 'reload' order. Again, an even more powerful dragon appeared. After several attacks by ungodly powerful dragons, Urist got angry and threw her adamantine mug at a peasant before storming off to her room. The dragon attacks then ceased.
The only injury
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214ChampWound.jpg)
Fikkod Inodzoz was a dwarf's dwarf however, and considered the loss of her left arm a minor injury. "Tis but a flesh wound" she was heard to remark.
Post by: MrGimp on February 25, 2009, 07:59:53 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214Summer.jpg)
Urist was definitely more paranoid after her two month long isolation, especially towards the Duke, the Mayor and the Clerk. Often, they dared question her orders. Like the time she told them to clear cut the entire woodland around Rifotkubuk.
'Your majesty," the mayor interjected, "wont this course of action anger the elves?"
"Where have you been you twit? This is Blockedlance!" Urist slammed her mug down hard on the table, spilling some sunshine. "Now go carry out my orders and cut those damn trees down! This isnt some forest retreat!"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214ClearCut.jpg)
One day Urist was walking around the fortress when she stumbled over something. It was a dead body.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214PeasantDead.jpg)
"Bloody hell! Damnit where is that Clerk???" Urist looked about, and found the lazy dwarf not far away, in the dining hall, stuffing his fat face with sunshine roasts. "Damnit dwarf! You're leaving dead peasants lying around! What is wrong with you? I dont care about them any more than you do but I worked hard to get the rotting flesh stench out of here, the LEAST you could do is clean up the dead peasants!"
"Um...yes your majesty...sorry your majesty," was the pathetic reply.
"I honestly dont know why I keep you and that mayor alive..." Urist mumbled under her breath as she walked away.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214River.jpg)
In other news, the statue garden is being carved out, but there are reptilian squatters swimming in my river.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214RiverBlood.jpg)
Isnt it beautiful? Now the royal bedroom has officially been baptised in blood, the proper dwarven way. It is most pleasing to Armok.
Post by: MrGimp on February 26, 2009, 03:05:07 am
Boy, its been a while.
Haha yeah a couple months, but I figured, what the hell? I have a bunch of screenshots and Ive played ahead. Some cool stuff gets built and I got another video.
Maybe I could make it more interactive? I could give people dwarves. But I gotta catch the story up to the present day to do that. Got a couple years to go.
Post by: MrGimp on February 26, 2009, 06:47:59 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214Autumn.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214ChildArtifact.jpg)
Some stupid kid made an artifact birchen earring, as if this was some kind of elf fortress. Urist took it anyways, as she liked to hoard anything of value or rarity, and an artifact wooden earring made by a dwarven kid is pretty rare. Right?
Anyways, here is the entrace to Blockedlance as of Autumn 214.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214FrontEntrance.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on February 26, 2009, 06:54:16 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214Winter.jpg)
Relations between the Duke and Urist remained strained. They rarely spoke, each one maneuvering behind the scenes to get a political advantage over the other. Urist was so isolated socially that she was becoming afraid that the Duke might be able to incite a revolution among the peasants and riff raff. The fortress was getting too large for Urist to easily control, and her normal instruments of control, the Mayor and Clerk, were most likely aligned with the Duke, at least in Urist's mind.
There was no room for them. But Urist would have to wait to make her move.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/214StatueGarden.jpg)
In the meantime, work on the statue garden continued. Soon the masses would have a new diversion.
Post by: MrGimp on February 26, 2009, 07:02:32 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/215Spring.jpg)
The fortress of Rifotkubuk had finally become the hub of all dwarven activity, at least as far as the dwarves of the Ageless Matched Lashes were concerned.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/215LastMigrants.jpg)
The last of the refugees of the original fortress of Letterclose arrived.
Many began to wonder if the population of Blockedlance had not grown larger than could comfortably live in the corridors of the great fortress. But there were no major morale problems, except among the poor and unemployed....and this was all due to the Dukes insistance that rent be charged for living space.
Urist hated that damn Duke and his damn Tax Collector. Something would need to be done about both of them.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/215FikodSuffers.jpg)
In other news, the one armed heroine Fikkod Inodzoz suffers below. Some idiot placed her immobile body in the future barracks of the Royal Guard. Sigh...it seems sad to let poor Fikkod's tale end this way.
Oh well.
Post by: Org on February 26, 2009, 07:07:07 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 26, 2009, 07:07:57 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/215Summer.jpg)
We are now completely and totally full up here at Blockedlance. The hallways are starting to smell like sweaty dwarven foot stink.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/215SummerDrowning.jpg)
Oh yeah. Somebody drowned. Apparently we didnt have some kind of assinine material to make some worthless trinket out of, and so, logically, the dwarf threw himself in our drinking water. We cannot get to him. We'll just have to drink the diseased cave water.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/215SummerTraps.jpg)
In other news, Queen Urist has ordered the capture of all reptilian scumbags from the lower depths of the river. What she plans to do with them is a subject of heated debate among the citizens of Blockedlance.
Post by: MrGimp on February 26, 2009, 07:11:38 pm
Where are the sieges?
I dont know. I keep killing the bastard elves and goblins. I dont get it.
Anyone know how I could go about modding in aggression?
If not, its alright. The fort will still be brought down by...internal pressures.
Post by: Org on February 26, 2009, 07:14:17 pm
Post by: LegoLord on February 26, 2009, 08:41:25 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 27, 2009, 12:01:48 am
You can try removing their speech, or seizing their goods and letting them go. It might work, but I normally don't have to worry about that sort of thing.
Does removing speech cause them to be automatically hostile? That would be awesome. Ill do it if it doesnt cause any bugs. Although I was also toying with the idea of just adding lizardmen as random enemies that will attack my fort. I was thinking of giving them swords and shit.
But dont worry...the blood will flow. Whether by a goblin sword, an elf arrow, a human spear or dwarven insanity...my god, the blood will flow.
Post by: MrGimp on February 27, 2009, 02:26:23 pm
"So..." said the Queen.
"Yeah?"
"Uhhhh....I finished the new sacrificial chamber....errr....the new trade depot today"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/215AutumnTrafficJam.jpg)
"Oh yeah?" asked Asmel, feigning interest.
"Yeah....some dwarves came, they got their wagons stuck in there and couldnt turn em around. The idiots. I had to go down there and get them out...some of them were crying!"
"Hahaha! Yeah I hate idiots."
"Oh guess what?" Urist waited for the wise dwarf to guess, but he just gave her a blank stare. She continued anyways, with a big smile on her face. "Our giant eagle breeding program is working perfectly!"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/215AutumnEagles.jpg)
"Uh, what do we need giant eagles for your majesty?" Asmel asked skeptically.
"Well...you know...theyre big giant eagles. You know?"
"Yeah but do they really like living in a cave?"
"Hmmm...I never thought about that. I was just thinking of putting em in a zoo or something."
"Ahhh...I see...well in that case its educational, and I like it." The philosopher smiled.
"Speaking of creatures not belonging in caves...this Duke guy thinks he would like a window in his room."
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/215AutumnDukeDemand.jpg)
"What? Whats he going to look out the window at? Thats so human!" laughed Asmel.
"Yeah the thing that bothers me the most is that this guy is breeding."
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/215AutumnDukeDemand2.jpg)
"Yes your majesty you are right. I think his son is a threat," said the wise dwarf. He looked Urist in the eye and aimed right for her paranoia, "You know, I wouldnt be surprised if he tries to one day make his son King."
Egads! Urist's face went pale. Asmel was right. Urist had been postponing the inevitable until she was prepared...but she knew now she could make her move. Why?
Because the giant gladitorial deathmatch arena had FINALLY been completed.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/215WinterArena.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on February 27, 2009, 03:53:14 pm
Noodle that one for a while.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216Spring.jpg)
Queen Urist summoned the Clerk and the Mayor to her throne room.
"Ah yes, my old friends Mafol and Morul," said Urist. There was an awkward pause. "Whats it been, eleven years since we all met? What great memories we have."
"Yes, your majesty," smiled the Mayor.
"Lets get down to business. I say this only because I trust you. The Duke is plotting against me!"
"WHAT?"
"Dont worry your majesty we are loyal!"
"Yes yes, I know you two are...but the tax collector...he is the tool the Duke has used to evict peasants, steal their money, and seize their property. It is the most foul abuse of the law, and I must punish this thieving tax collector now." Urist eyed them both. "I would like you to escort the tax collector to the hammerer's pit. I want both of you to go. Make sure he doesnt get away."
"Yes your majesty!" Mafol eyed Morul and cracked a smile, as if they had gotten away with something.
"Oh, and while your down there could you check the food stores...and make sure those bears are properly chained up."
"Yes your majesty, we will do as you will," said the Mayor. The two dwarves bowed and then giggled and whispered to each other on the way out.
Urist just smiled coldly.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216HappyHome.jpg)
When the three traitors entered the pit, the doors were sealed. The Clerk, Mayor, Tax Collector and Hammerer would all be one big happy family from now on.
Post by: LegoLord on February 27, 2009, 06:07:57 pm
That should sum up what you need to know to make hostilities rise.
Post by: Jackrabbit on February 27, 2009, 07:08:35 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 27, 2009, 10:19:54 pm
(This update includes some movies. Heres the first two. I had to break it into two parts to fit the archives size requirements. The second movie is basically just a death scene. Well...the entire thing is a death scene. But you get the idea.)
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1131-arena1 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1131-arena1)
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1132-arena2 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1132-arena2)
After you watch the videos, click the spoiler you oversized beardless surfacedwellers!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: LegoLord on February 27, 2009, 10:52:04 pm
Post by: Christes on February 28, 2009, 01:46:38 am
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2009, 02:32:43 am
Christes - Hell yeah its back, but was it ever truly gone from our hearts? Well...it probably was...but now its back damnit! Thats the important thing!
LegoLord - It probably has something to do with Freudian social constructs and the oppressive nature of authority. Plus the guy has a big friggin hammer.
Jackrabbit - I was reading the hall of legends earlier today and I saw that you had nominated this story! Damn man, right on! Now I feel bad for having given it up, hahaha ;D
On my bearded testicles, this I vow: though the story may have starts and stops, and though the plot may have several gaping holes in it, the story of the great Urist Salvedangers WILL be told!!!
Post by: Jackrabbit on February 28, 2009, 02:34:58 am
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2009, 01:59:08 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216Summer.jpg)
While the great death pit was getting its first test run, trapped goblin merchants were attacked by their insane pack animals.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216SummerGutterStruck.jpg)
The goblins never stood a chance against this Gotarstruk chick. I like to just call her Gutterstruck, but to the goblins, she will always be known as Necrodemons - the Donkey of Death!
Oddly...Necrodemons was pregnant, and is now producing a line of goblo-donkeys that I do not own and cannot butcher. Maybe I should just leave em in there to take care of future merchant problems?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216SummerWindmills.jpg)
Oh and in other news, Queen Urist has constructed a giant windmill system that channels power to the lower depths. When asked why, Urist replied "We're dwarves damnit!"
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2009, 02:08:42 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216SummerTaxDoom.jpg)
The tool of the capitalist Duke had taken to hiding in the recesses of the death pit. One day, not long after the arena fight, he awoke to find two caged lizardmen in his room.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216SummerTaxDoom2.jpg)
To his horror but not too much to his surprise, the cages popped open and out rushed the berserk lizard creatures.
Monom Oarlight was chased around his room and beaten over the head.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216SummerTaxDoom3.jpg)
Now Monom slaves for Armok in the sky.
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2009, 02:28:32 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216Autumn.jpg)
The Duke barged into Urist's throne room while she was in the massive hall getting drunk all by herself.
"You psychopath! You slaughtered the entire nobility!"
Two guards stepped into the throne room from outside, and blocked the Duke from getting further.
"I didn't slaughter them all yet. You're still alive. Though I don't know if I would call you 'noble'"
"This is madness!!! I'm not going to just let you sit here and kill us all!" cried the Duke.
"Oh...my dear Duke. What are you going to do about it? You should have made your move long ago...I think you realize that now, yes?" Urist smiled cruelly as the Duke's face remained snarled. "The military does not support you. The mayor and clerk are dead and cannot sway them OR the peasants. Your tax collector is dead, your revenues are cut off. Your hammerer is MY tool to command now. Your power is gone, and there is no one that supports you."
"You bitch!" The Duke spit at Urist, but she sat too far away on her throne. Urist laughed.
"Before you die, I just want you to know one thing. Your wife hates you. She helped me seize the hammerer from you. Without her, this never would have happened. Without her soothing your paranoia every night, stalling your plans, well...we might be standing in different positions here today, wouldnt we?"
"ARGGHHHHH!!!!!" The Duke tried to leap at Urist, but the guards tackled him.
"To the death pit!" the Queen ordered. The guards forcefully grabbed the Duke, and dragged him - kicking and screaming - down the hallway.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216AutumnDukeAssassination.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2009, 03:43:38 pm
Chapter #4 - Kiss the Ring
Queen Urist had eradicated all of her opposition in one fell swoop, just like the Godfather.
The only potential threat now was the Dukes heir, Mafol Sabretwilights.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216AutumnDukesHeir.jpg)
However, the Duchess so far had been loyal, and this child is too young and wont remember his father when hes older. He will not have his father poisoning his ears against the rightful queen. Besides, if Urist killed Mafol, the Duchess would have to be killed too. Right now, Urist wasnt ready to go that far.
Another possible problem was the new mayor the people had spontaneously elected.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216AutumnNewMayor.jpg)
He was friends with both the old mayor AND the old clerk before they died. Does he hold any resentment towards the Queen? We shall see.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216AutumnNewMayor2.jpg)
In other news, my fortress is scaring people away with all the noble killings.
Come on...if a bunch of nobles kept dying somewhere, thats the place Id want to be.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216SummerNoMigrants.jpg)
Oh well, we're full anyways. We dont want you soapmakers.
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2009, 03:53:07 pm
The hammerer is starting to crack. I guess hes not as tough as he seems. Maybe he carries around that big hammer as overcompensation for other smaller things?
Anyways, the year 216 ended without much more craziness.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216WinterClearCut.jpg)
We killed some more trees.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/216WinterTempleStarted.jpg)
And then we began the construction of a gigantic edifice, that will one day be the Temple of Ber Steelearthen! It shall be a monument to overwhelmingly complicated engineering projects of underwhelmingly insignificant importance! Dwarves from all over Sil Gomath will one day flock to make pilgrimages to this great site.
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2009, 04:03:15 pm
Okay its spring of 217, I have finally caught the story up to where Im at in the game.
So if anyone wants I can give out military dwarves. I got axemen and marksdwarves. Thats all I ever use, so deal with it! Blockedlance isnt a democracy! ;D
But yeah...I have a feeling its going to get really violent really soon...the military dwarves will get to see a lot of action. Be the first to grab a dwarf and hope he survives till the end of the story (he probably wont).
Post by: LegoLord on February 28, 2009, 04:40:12 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on February 28, 2009, 06:04:10 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2009, 09:47:38 pm
All hail Jackrabbit Spireknife, the Brutal Square of Problems!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Jackrabbit1.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Jackrabbit2.jpg)
Your almost completely legendary, just armor user needs a bit more experience. Theres your kills there. Lots of Kobolds and dark gnomes. Your guy came in early to the fortress, like the first or second migrant wave. Im pretty sure you and Fikkod Inodzoz came in on the first wave with Queen Cog. You two were my stockpile guards and got legendary titles after you killed a bunch of dark gnomes.
And LegoLord, your guy is my legendary elite marksdwarf squadleader.
All Hail LegoLord Twoarches, the Natural Spite of Messiahs!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/LegoLord1.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/LegoLord2.jpg)
Thats a fine title you have. Your god is the god of silence, and youre his spiteful messiah. Or maybe people are spiteful OF you, for being the silent messiah of a strange god? Either way, you killed a bunch of goblins. I think your dude is in some of the earlier screenshots. You also killed 'the donkey' in 212. Awesome.
Post by: LegoLord on February 28, 2009, 09:50:34 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2009, 10:00:16 pm
I'll take a marksdwarf. Are you going to cross-train them with hammers?
Nah, it already takes too long to train them. I do get them up in wrestling though....at least most of them. Im not as particular about my marksdwarves because they sit behind fortifications in most of my forts. Its only in the random ambush or fatal mistake that they get that close to the enemy.
Unless theyre parked out in the open guarding...say, a temple to Ber Steelearthen. In THAT case...they might get run up on and torn apart. :P
Post by: Christes on March 01, 2009, 01:53:01 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 01, 2009, 03:42:34 pm
And please give me one that isn't good with other dwarves.
:3
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2009, 08:02:39 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Christes.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Tradan.jpg)
Oh yeah, Christes you oddly enough have no kills. Tradanbattlan, you have killed two goblins.
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2009, 08:24:24 pm
I have taken to writing in you because there is no one I can trust to share my thoughts with anymore. I have won the respect and love of the people for a second time by killing off the wretched nobility. But how long can that last? They will soon be nervous and apprehensive again when I walk the halls, they always look at me with their shifty eyes. They always look at me with a smile and a whisper...I see through them! I know them!
But I need them diary. I need them to haul stone. I need them to finish building my palace and my temple so that my god will grant me the eternal paradise that I DESERVE!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217Temple.jpg)
I have abolished rent. In fact I abolished the entire capitalist economy! The peasants see me as a warrior queen, a worker's heroine, who has fought and won freedom for the masses. I laugh when I think of their stupidity and complete and utter inferiority!
But you wont believe it diary! Guess. Okay Ill tell you...that meddling Duke still meddles from beyond the grave! No sooner had we intered his filthy remains in that mausoleum of his then here comes a new Tax Collector coming over the hill, claiming that he was requested by the Duke to fill a vacancy!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217Tax2.jpg)
I tried to tell him I was Queen and I had abolished the capitalist ways of the old nobility. He didnt even recognize that I had any authority over such things. The impudence!
He even had the iron balls to make a demand of me and my great fortress. That we should procure him several animal traps.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217TaxMandate.jpg)
Oh hell no diary! Hes going in the pit!
Post by: Christes on March 01, 2009, 08:42:49 pm
Ok heres your dudes. Tradan, you got the last male elite marksdwarf because you specified one that didnt get along with people...and it just happened to be the one male elite marksdwarf I have. I only have a couple more elite ones, after that its all generic regular markdwarves. But I have plenty of champion axedwarves for anyone still interested. Just let me know.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Christes.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Tradan.jpg)
Oh yeah, Christes you oddly enough have no kills. Tradanbattlan, you have killed two goblins.
bahaha
You do realize you gave us a pair of lovers? <3
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2009, 08:50:46 pm
Hey some things happen better when they happen randomly! :P
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2009, 09:16:59 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/CT.jpg)
Sorry, I couldnt resist! ;D
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 01, 2009, 09:40:03 pm
Hey its not like youre married or anything, just lovers. See you dont live together, you each have your own place...but...is that you two by the river?*spits out coffee while laughing*
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/CT.jpg)
Sorry, I couldnt resist! ;D
Oh wow! What a
EDIT:
You know... I never noticed before, but one of the rooms on the far left has a gem in the wall...
I'd mine that sucker and let the two rooms merge, but thet's only me.
I wouldn't want to anger Urist too much with my ideas.
EDIT 2: By the way, what tileset did you use? It looks spiffeh
Post by: Zulaf on March 01, 2009, 11:28:50 pm
I was wondering.... I want to be a axe dwarf but when the hammerer dies can i get his hammer? =P i'm sure its adorned with giant rat bone and carp leather. if the hammer is a no go then just an axe dwarf.
Also can you rustle up more monsters for the gladiator pit? If so then id also like to fight in it.
Post by: MrGimp on March 02, 2009, 12:30:40 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/qv.png)
Clerk: Hear ye, hear ye! The court of Queen Urist Salvedangers shall come to order. The first order of business, your majesty, comes from the elite marksdwarf Tradanbattlan. He requests mining the jewels out of the peasant quarters, as there are several shiny blue gems.
Queen Urist: Denied! Question me again and you shall narfle the Garthak! Ahem...I am a beneficent queen. I leave the jewels there for the enjoyment of the peasants to admire sparkly things. Besides, our jewelers have enough gems for the next 20 years already piled up.
Clerk: The queen has spoken! Next order of business comes from the champion axedwarf Zulaf. He requests the hammerers hammer, your majesty.
Queen Urist: The insolence!!! How can one ask for the hammerer's hammer?! If you want it so bad, then go get it from him! To the hammerers lair with you!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Zulaf.png)
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 02, 2009, 12:56:45 am
Preffrably legendary. Thanks!
Post by: MrGimp on March 02, 2009, 01:09:05 am
Its summer now. We have a problem here at Blockedlance: children are one fourth the population. They clog up CPU speed just wandering around, contributing nothing to the fortress...except the occassional removed construction, or artifact trinket.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217SummerNewMayor.jpg)
Urist used her influence to arrange a new mayoral election, to 'reaffirm the will of the people'. This time someone that wasnt friends with the old mayor won. Imagine that.
And this mayor happens to be the father of BOTH the children in my fort who wound up making artifacts and becoming legendary for it. Both parent are legendary farmers. This is some good stock right here.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217SummerSadHammerer.jpg)
The hammerers getting sad, and its not just because theres someone in his lair wanting to fight him for his hammer. No. Hes sad because the old tax collector was his friend. In fact he was his only friend. Kinda pathetic really.
Post by: MrGimp on March 02, 2009, 01:19:35 am
Can I haz axe dwarf?
Preffrably legendary. Thanks!
Youre already in the fort! You are the legendary Jackrabbit Spireknife, the Brutal Square of Problems! ;D
Check Page 7!
And since Fikkod Inodzoz got her arm cut off by that insanely powerful dragon I edited in, youre my best champion.
Oh and Tradanbattlan about your other question...Im using th dystopian rhetoric set...but I also used a couple different sets for the dwarves and theres been problems. In some of the screenshots you see dashed brown lines. Those are Herbalists. Also, some of my characters appear to be from one set, others from the other set. Its all glitchy...every piece of electronics I touch glitches up! Its a gift really. :P
But yeah...for the most part dystopian rhetoric. And I think Mike Mayday. I dunno...its on the dwarf wiki. Theres a link at the top of the forums. Just search tilesets and pick the ones you like.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 02, 2009, 01:23:24 am
(Also, I'm male, so don't worry :P)
Post by: Zulaf on March 02, 2009, 02:39:21 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 02, 2009, 02:43:58 am
=( i hope i dont get beat to death by the hammer i so much want.
Nah I think your chances are pretty good. You got armor and a shield, plus wrestler skill. He doesnt. You still have your trusty axe with you too!
Didnt you want to be in the arena? This is your chance to shine!
Post by: Zulaf on March 02, 2009, 02:48:28 am
do you have a breeding program(if at all possible, i dunno) for the lizard,frog ect men or even just some animals?
Post by: MrGimp on March 02, 2009, 02:25:30 pm
oooh those chances do sound good.
do you have a breeding program(if at all possible, i dunno) for the lizard,frog ect men or even just some animals?
You cant breed the river monsters (I dont think I could mod that in without starting a new game either).
I am breeding the giant eagels for their coolness, and horses for meat and bones. I also have a couple foxes cuz I thought it might be funny to force goblin prisoners to fight a swarm of foxes. But I cant really escalate my breeding program until the children and pets of Blockedlance are...taken care of.
Post by: MrGimp on March 02, 2009, 02:33:18 pm
Dear Diary,
This new mayor isnt being as much of a loyal silent puppet as I would like. She is demanding coins. Never would I have thought there would be so much resistance to the abolition of the capitalist economy. This mayor is legendary so I suppose she prefers to lord it over evicted peasants who wander the halls because they cant afford even a meager hovel, while SHE should be housed for free!
No Im the only one that this community should support. I built this community from the terrible ashes. I fought to survive. I had to kill several of my own friends. And now this mountain hall is the greatest in all of Sil Gomath. The Ageless Matched Lashes was nearly wiped out before me. No...I shall remake Dwarven society as *I* see fit!!! No economy! No coins!
If this mayor doesnt learn to fall in line, Im gonna lock him in his room the way I did that new Tax Collector.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217SummerTaxTrap.png)
I would have sent him to his death in the arena...but until the deathmatch between Zulaf and Bomrek is over, starvation was more expedient. Enjoy your last meal you capitalist pig-dog!
Post by: LegoLord on March 02, 2009, 07:21:15 pm
Actually, you can. Check the link I posted earlier. Then remove whatever tokens inhibit river creature breeding.oooh those chances do sound good.
do you have a breeding program(if at all possible, i dunno) for the lizard,frog ect men or even just some animals?
You cant breed the river monsters (I dont think I could mod that in without starting a new game either).
Post by: MrGimp on March 02, 2009, 08:10:06 pm
Actually, you can. Check the link I posted earlier. Then remove whatever tokens inhibit river creature breeding.oooh those chances do sound good.
do you have a breeding program(if at all possible, i dunno) for the lizard,frog ect men or even just some animals?
You cant breed the river monsters (I dont think I could mod that in without starting a new game either).
Doh! I thought it said you couldnt do that. Ok...but giving them weapons is still out, right? Ive only ever done a little bit of editing.
Post by: Rysith on March 02, 2009, 08:34:13 pm
Post by: LegoLord on March 02, 2009, 08:35:48 pm
They wouldn't spawn with weapons with [equips]. I've done that before; only civees spawn with weapons. Other things might get their hands on stuff in history, though.
Post by: MrGimp on March 02, 2009, 11:05:04 pm
Feh.
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2009, 04:14:26 pm
Post by: Rysith on March 03, 2009, 04:40:44 pm
Another idea would be to add [CAN_LEARN], trap them, and then feed tame animals to them to allow them to develop their combat abilities and attributes. The principle is similar to putting captured goblins in rooms with one of your military dwarves to let them gain experience. Start with small things like kittens and slowly work your way up to the larger things like horse foals. It would probably require quite a bit of time, and possibly a massive livestock breeding program, though.
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2009, 05:34:07 pm
Post by: LegoLord on March 03, 2009, 05:40:13 pm
If I add a new entry I have to regen. But what if I completely re-write an old one? I guess as long as I keep the [CREATURE] tag the same it will work right?Yep, all except Biomes tags.
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2009, 10:29:07 pm
Ok, so I only did a minor bit of editing so far. But I have to post an update now.......
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2009, 10:38:07 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/GutterStruck.png)
The fabled donkey Gutterstruck, slaughterer of caravans was freed from her pen. She left with the last goblin caravan out of town. But she left her children behind for some reason. Damn goblins...even their pack animals are heartless and cruel!
I suppose she wants ME to support them? I aint no baby's daddy!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217TaxDead.jpg)
Oh, and we had another joyous celebration when the new tax collector died.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217TaxDead2.jpg)
Collect that, bitch.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 03, 2009, 10:39:32 pm
A couple items of note before I proceed.Yeeeeeeeaaah!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/GutterStruck.png)
The fabled donkey Gutterstruck, slaughterer of caravans was freed from her pen. She left with the last goblin caravan out of town. But she left her children behind for some reason. Damn goblins...even their pack animals are heartless and cruel!
I suppose she wants ME to support them? I aint no baby's daddy!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217TaxDead.jpg)
Oh, and we had another joyous celebration when the new tax collector died.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217TaxDead2.jpg)
Collect that, bitch.
Gutterstruck!!
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2009, 10:55:16 pm
Chapter #5 - The Goblins Return
(NOTE - For those that didnt read the beginning or those that forgot because they smoke too much weed, Blockedlance was originally attacked by goblins before Urist ever got there. There were sieges and the goblins did not trade. However, during my original fort my civ capital was re-founded. This changed the borders, and the nearest goblin civ at that point was peaceful. So they traded with me upon reclaim, the green bastards.)
And then it happened.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217SIEGE.png)
For the first time in thirteen years, Blockedlance was beseiged by goblin hordes! Many of the peasants panicked, but not Urist. Urist smiled. Goblins could mean only one thing; Letterclose was being overrun. Queen Cog's old stomping grounds could no longer hold back the hostile barbarian goblins from the north.
Urist would prove her TRUE legitimacy here this day. SHE would have the strength to block the goblin advance into dwarven territory!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217SIEGE2.png)
And here they are the filthy bastards. The moat was not yet complete, and the drawbridge not yet raisable. LegoLord stood with his squad atop the ramparts of the barracks, overlooking the southeastern approach to the keep. Below him Jackrabbit Spireknife rallied his troops and moved to block the goblin rabble.
As the beak dogs were let loose in front of the goblin advance, Tradanbattlan and Christes began shooting. Legolord loaded a bolt and took aim, the rest of his men followed suit. Jackrabbit ordered his squad to advance.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/GOBLINFIGHT.png)
The result is below...
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1147-goblinslaughter (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1147-goblinslaughter)
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 03, 2009, 11:01:10 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 03, 2009, 11:01:27 pm
(NOTE - For those that didnt read the beginning or those that forgot because they smoke too much weed, Blockedlance was originally attacked by goblins before Urist ever got there. There were sieges and the goblins did not trade. However, during my original fort my civ capital was re-founded. This changed the borders, and the nearest goblin civ at that point was peaceful. So they traded with me upon reclaim, the green bastards.)Glorious!
And then it happened.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217SIEGE.png)
For the first time in thirteen years, Blockedlance was beseiged by goblin hordes! Many of the peasants panicked, but not Urist. Urist smiled. Goblins could mean only one thing; Letterclose was being overrun. Queen Cog's old stomping grounds could no longer hold back the hostile barbarian goblins from the north.
Urist would prove her TRUE legitimacy here this day. SHE would have the strength to block the goblin advance into dwarven territory!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/217SIEGE2.png)
And here they are the filthy bastards. The moat was not yet complete, and the drawbridge not yet raisable. LegoLord stood atop the ramparts of the barracks, overlooking the southeastern approach to the keep. Below him Jackrabbit Spireknife rallied his squad and moved to block the goblin rabble.
Legolord loaded a bolt and took aim. Jackrabbit yelled to his men to advance.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/GOBLINFIGHT.png)
The result is below...
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1147-goblinslaughter (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1147-goblinslaughter)
But where was I?
:(
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2009, 11:11:43 pm
Glorious!
But where was I?
:(
My bad....you and Christes are in the squad with LegoLord. You were all on top of that building on the left shooting down.
Actually, the marksdwarves got the beak dogs and a few goblins before they even got very far into that corridor of death there. If you watch the video, the goblins are running away from the very start. hahaha
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2009, 11:24:42 pm
Jackrabbit, you're the only one with any new kills. You got two.
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2009, 11:26:25 pm
Oh that was fun. Hey, how did you get the screen so big? it was helpful.
Its in the init file. It depends on what your screen resolution is. But go into the init and with a little trial and error youll get the viewscreen to be as big as the monitor.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 03, 2009, 11:30:51 pm
I just checked, apparently no named markswarves got any kills. Probably because they would hit and the goblins would go down, and then the axedwarves came in and delivered the killing blow.
Jackrabbit, you're the only one with any new kills. You got two.
I kill and kill again! I am unstoppable and greedy! You'd best be training Urist up. When this fort hits it inevitable and intentional tantrum spiral my money's on the legendary with the axe. Or the recruit with the crossbow, whichever.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 03, 2009, 11:37:44 pm
Glorious!
But where was I?
:(
My bad....you and Christes are in the squad with LegoLord. You were all on top of that building on the left shooting down.
Actually, the marksdwarves got the beak dogs and a few goblins before they even got very far into that corridor of death there. If you watch the video, the goblins are running away from the very start. hahaha
Quote
...you and Christes are in the squad with LegoLord...
Quote
...you and Chrostes...Coincedence?
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2009, 11:41:16 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 03, 2009, 11:55:37 pm
I edited that post to include you and Christes. I fought the temptation to make it a love scene. :)
Quote
fought the temptation???
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2009, 11:58:03 pm
I edited that post to include you and Christes. I fought the temptation to make it a love scene. :)Quotefought the temptation???
My Gods....youre right....fighting temptation is definitely NOT dwarfy!!!
I must now commit seppuku...
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 03, 2009, 11:59:45 pm
Hmmm...I edited that post to include you and Christes. I fought the temptation to make it a love scene. :)Quotefought the temptation???
My Gods....youre right....fighting temptation is definitely NOT dwarfy!!!
I must now commit seppuku...
This may not be a profit to the progress of the story.
Once the tale of Urist ends, then seppuku, you may do.
PS:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on March 04, 2009, 12:07:24 am
Prudence is bad word
Dwarves want sex and blood
Now you write story and die
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 04, 2009, 12:18:32 am
Urist HaikuYou know...
Prudence is bad word
Dwarves want sex and blood
Now you write story and die
I might just write that one down...
Post by: Christes on March 04, 2009, 12:45:59 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 04, 2009, 01:43:50 am
Not really a Haiku though.
5 5 7 right?
Whats wrong with it? Its not a complex 5 5 7 7 7 5 Haiku...but still.
Post by: MrGimp on March 04, 2009, 01:54:26 am
http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=24088.0 (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=24088.0)
And here it his; the Pet Owner Rehabilitation Booth.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/PetMurderChamber.jpg)
Dwarves may not know why theyve been told to go pull a lever when they go in, but they figure it out when they come out.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/PetMurderChamber2.png)
Imagine the look on their faces when they come out of the booth and see their beloved pets impaled upon a spear! Priceless!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/DonkeyMurder.png)
Of course, this guy here didnt seem to mind too much when he walked out and saw his pet donkey lying mortally wounded. He just stepped over the body and headed off to go get drunk.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AnotherOneBitesTheDust.jpg)
Oh and in other news, our shell shortage has claimed another life, as a dwarf has thrown himself down the main stairwell for lack of the precious green material.
Post by: Christes on March 04, 2009, 02:26:09 am
Not really a Haiku though.
5 5 7 right?
Whats wrong with it? Its not a complex 5 5 7 7 7 5 Haiku...but still.
5 7 5
Not that I'm complaining. Just as hard to get 5 5 7 to work :P
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 04, 2009, 02:30:52 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 04, 2009, 01:07:27 pm
Not really a Haiku though.
5 5 7 right?
Whats wrong with it? Its not a complex 5 5 7 7 7 5 Haiku...but still.
5 7 5
Not that I'm complaining. Just as hard to get 5 5 7 to work :P
Doh! I couldve sworn it was 5 5 7, hahaha...
But wait! Whats this? I found a scroll here written by the legendary dwarf haiku master Bomrek Lotusblossom! He says only humans write in the inferior 5 7 5 style! The dwarf school of haiku has the [DRUNKEN_STRUCTURE] tag! The dwarf school is superior!
Post by: MrGimp on March 05, 2009, 04:04:20 am
Its Spring 218, and theres lots to do. The pet problem is being solved with the help of ingenious dwarven engineering. The moat was being dug out, and its floor covered in dolomite to prevent plant growth. Not that it really mattered...it was really just something to do with all that stone.
Yep...it was pretty mundane and boring...wait...what the hell?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/fight2.png)
The goblins dare strike again? Queen Urist refused to give the order for all dwarves to come inside. There were many innocents in the line of goblin death. Jackrabbit and his squad were on duty guarding the temple, and were the only ones who could reach this squad of gobbos in time.
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1153-heroicvictory (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1153-heroicvictory)
Eat popcorn and watch the movie. I thought for sure Id lose some dudes. Every goblin had a beak dog. As Jackrabbit and his men attacked, more goblins were coming in from off screen. Amazingly everyone else scored all the kills, and Jackrabbit came up empty.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/jackrabbitwounded.png)
You did get wounded there a bit though, captain Jack.
Post by: MrGimp on March 05, 2009, 04:16:30 am
But the fight was not yet done. Another squad of goblin bearing beak dogs charged in from the hills to the northeast. They had to cross the map to get to the unfinished end of the outer palisade. This gave Urist the time she needed. She ordered good ole Cap'n Jack to take his squad forward. But Jackrabbit said he needed to rest. His squad loyally followed him inside the fortress. Urist fumed. Legolord had already taken his sweet time to get in firing position on the hillside overlooking the palisade. By the time he got there (and he was all by himself) he had time to fire one arrow before the goblin menace was out of range.
He did hit though, I must say that Legolord is a damn good shot.
The Queen ordered the remaining fighting men, the nameless slobbering hordes that made up the fortress militia, to take up a position along the western edge of the palisade wall.
This video tells their tale...
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1154-killdiedie (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1154-killdiedie)
...and this picture shows the terrible bloody mess that was left...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TerribleBloodyMess.png)
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 05, 2009, 04:16:30 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 05, 2009, 04:17:51 am
Oooh I like that nickname. Also, NO KILLS? Insolent goblins, not dying on my blade! I'd like a short stint in the arena to kill captives if that's okay.
Actually....on second thought...you are right. I need to capture goblins for arena torture. But Zulafs got dibs on the arena adventures, sorry. Im still trying to get him to fight the hammerer...but they both keep getting happy thoughts from the sunshine and legendary dog meat roasts.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 05, 2009, 02:52:11 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/BeakDogs.png)
But the fight was not yet done. Another squad of goblin bearing beak dogs charged in from the hills to the northeast. They had to cross the map to get to the unfinished end of the outer palisade. This gave Urist the time she needed. She ordered good ole Cap'n Jack to take his squad forward. But Jackrabbit said he needed to rest. His squad loyally followed him inside the fortress. Urist fumed. Legolord had already taken his sweet time to get in firing position on the hillside overlooking the palisade. By the time he got there (and he was all by himself) he had time to fire one arrow before the goblin menace was out of range.
He did hit though, I must say that Legolord is a damn good shot.
The Queen ordered the remaining fighting men, the nameless slobbering hordes that made up the fortress militia, to take up a position along the western edge of the palisade wall.
This video tells their tale...
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1154-killdiedie (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1154-killdiedie)
...and this picture shows the terrible bloody mess that was left...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TerribleBloodyMess.png)
I am taking a wiiild guess here, but I was with Christes, wasnt I?
Post by: MrGimp on March 05, 2009, 08:23:11 pm
I am taking a wiiild guess here, but I was with Christes, wasnt I?
Yeah, Im pretty sure you guys were down by the river stroking each others beards. :o
Post by: Zulaf on March 05, 2009, 09:05:46 pm
I'm pretty sure you would have to dig a tunnel under the wall 3 tiles long crossing into the hall and the room and then the two ends make channels, then to give us water dwarfs don't have to go in the room with risk us leaving except for the one time for the miner, or just drop a pick down to us(assuming you have a dump chute) can dig the channel on our side.
I am taking a wiiild guess here, but I was with Christes, wasnt I?
Yeah, Im pretty sure you guys were down by the river stroking each others beards. :o
I almost fell of my chair laughing.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 05, 2009, 10:08:03 pm
I am taking a wiiild guess here, but I was with Christes, wasnt I?
Yeah, Im pretty sure you guys were down by the river stroking each others beards. :o
Wait a minute...
...
:o
Post by: Christes on March 05, 2009, 10:26:45 pm
I am taking a wiiild guess here, but I was with Christes, wasnt I?
Yeah, Im pretty sure you guys were down by the river stroking each others beards. :o
Christes cancels defend fort: horny
Post by: MrGimp on March 06, 2009, 09:56:02 am
GRRRRRR!!! ANOTHER ONE!!!!
Damn you, you tax collecting son of a motherless goat! I dont know how he got here or who told him...I would have first suspected the Duchess...but upon closer inspection I think it is the mayor. He just assigned someone to a beating for not fulfilling production orders. I think the mayor is trying to break out from my control....the insolence!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/HOW.png)
Oh, and check out Mistim Kubukrosat, the stupidest dwarf alive. He stabbed himself in the pet rehabilitation booth. HOW?!?!?!?! Only an IDIOT could have managed something so impossibly unlikely.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Idiot.png)
However his stupidity was only just being revealed by the self stabbing. Oh no...I was further enlightened to his moronic capacity when the idiot decided to rest his dumb ass IN THE DEATH PIT!!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Idiot2.png)
Suffice it to say I killed the yokel and took his propensity for imbecilic stupidity out of the gene pool. I also killed his pet horse. The bastard.
Post by: MrGimp on March 06, 2009, 10:01:06 am
"Come on Bomrek, please?" asked Zulaf for the one millionth time.
"NO!" shouted the Hammerer.
"But I really want it!"
Just then several Beak Dog corpses fell through the mysterious new skylight. Then a couple goblins fell on top of the pile. Blood squirted from the gaping wounds as the bodies hit the hard surface below. Zulaf and Bomrek looked at the pile and then at each other.
It was about to get real stinky in this pit...
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 06, 2009, 05:50:15 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 07, 2009, 04:37:45 am
A child got all OCD and tried to design some great trinket for the queen. The child failed miserably and now shuffles about the arena to the delight and merriment of drunken onlookers. Deranged and babbling, she is refusing food and alcohol. Armok's merciless embrace will soon take this one.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/218DonkeyFear.png)
Queen Urist had ordered yet another clear cut of the southern forest. In attempting to carry out this mandate, the wild and savage descendants of the great Gutterstruck attacked my woodcutters and haulers. Queen Urist was forced to send Lord Lego and Captain Jack to dispatch the vile creatures once and for all.
So ends the tale of Gutterstruck's abandoned children and grandchildren. May they suffer horrible fates in the next life.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/218Siege.png)
Another season, another siege.
I like this guards name, Utes Smatters-a-lot. Yes, yes he does.
This siege is the largest by far. And I only have 15 military dwarves on duty and not drinking. Still, I like my chances.
Christes and Tradanbattlan grabbed hold of each others hands as their squadmates grabbed their gear and hurried to their positions out on the field of battle. The two dwarves stood staring into each others eyes without speaking. Words were not needed. This was a moment the two shared together each time they went into battle. Quickly, however, that moment was cut short, and the two warriors marched to their potential deaths on Armok's grim chessboard.
Lord Lego and Captain Jack's squads' charge first, as always.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/218Siege2.png)
But whats this? After killing one of the three southern goblin squads the marksdwarves retire, all following Lord Lego off the field!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/218Siege3.png)
Captain Jack is left to fight off a swarm of goblins yet again. From the very center of the writhing mass of green flesh and pouring blood, the captain's axe swung wild yet true. Many goblins fell, but more kept coming.
On the eastern side of the fortress, the first wave of goblins is repelled by 4 mighty axedwarf champions. Another three or four waves remain, however, and the four dwarves have no back up. The next wave is approaching in the east as Captain Jack and his men are surrounded in the west.
Just when things couldnt get any worse, the Queen goes insane...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/URIST218.png)
Will the Queen throw herself in the river when she cant find any turtle shell or pig tail thread? Does Blockedlance deserve to exist without the Queen? Will Captain Jack survive? Will Lord Lego be thrown in the arena for insolence?
Find out next time as the Legend of the Foggy Barb continues...
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 07, 2009, 07:53:45 am
So glad that you returned to this. It is awesome!
Post by: LegoLord on March 07, 2009, 08:00:38 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 07, 2009, 11:12:20 am
I suppose things would have gone a wee bit better if Christes and I had been there...
*guilt guilt guilt*
Post by: MrGimp on March 07, 2009, 04:07:59 pm
Lord Lego? Wait, that's in Libash Tobat. I'm LegoLord in this one.
I was just nicknaming you that for story purposes, you and Jackrabbit are the squadleaders. I thought it would sound cooler and more dwarfy if Queen Urist had a Lord and a Captain doing her bidding. :P
But I dont have to if you dont want me to, I still have the dwarves named Jackrabbit and Legolord in game.
Post by: MrGimp on March 07, 2009, 04:09:35 pm
Oh dear.
I suppose things would have gone a wee bit better if Christes and I had been there...
*guilt guilt guilt*
You guys were there, you just followed Legolord off somewhere in the middle of battle. But you guys came back...Ill post the update in a minute...
Post by: MrGimp on March 07, 2009, 04:22:11 pm
Captain Jack decided to march his squad northwest, to cut off the last goblin squad as it raced west to get around Blockedlance's outer palisade. The marksdwarves under the command of the Lord of Legos returned from their ADD inspired break and followed Captain Jack's squad to meet the goblin foe.
By this time however, the goblins were in full retreat. Jackrabbit and Legolord pursued the last goblin squad at full speed, managing to kill a few before they escaped. One of them however was a goblin local leader. Christes did the honors...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/218ChristesKills.png)
Captain Jack wiped the blood off his axe, which had been fed five more goblins this day. Tradanbattlan congratulated his lover on her physical prowess and the killing of a goblin leader. In turn, she congratulated him for his two kills.
As the battle ended, Queen Urist emerged with her newly created artifact!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/218UristArtifact.png)
Behold Impaledcrowded, the Knives of Lightning, the diorite bracelet!!!
On this item Urist carved a gruesome scene of old Queen Cog crawling through maggot infested dog corpses, reaching for Urist's adamantine mug that floated above her and out of reach, shining like the holy grail.
Ahhh...it was a fine bracelet indeed.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 07, 2009, 04:42:44 pm
uh... mighty fine bracelet indeed...
:-\
Post by: MrGimp on March 07, 2009, 05:32:54 pm
Yes, it is a...
uh... mighty fine bracelet indeed...
:-\
Yeah I was hoping for an adamantine axe or some armor or something...but it was not to be. But hey, the fortress already has an artifact sword with a demon on it. I thought Urist putting Queen Cog on it was a nice touch...and somehow it reminded me of when Queen Cog first showed up and had to go through the main corridor full of dead war dogs.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 07, 2009, 05:58:50 pm
Post by: LegoLord on March 07, 2009, 06:28:52 pm
Ah, I see. Please continue as you have been (good idea there)Lord Lego? Wait, that's in Libash Tobat. I'm LegoLord in this one.
I was just nicknaming you that for story purposes, you and Jackrabbit are the squadleaders. I thought it would sound cooler and more dwarfy if Queen Urist had a Lord and a Captain doing her bidding. :P
But I dont have to if you dont want me to, I still have the dwarves named Jackrabbit and Legolord in game.
Post by: MrGimp on March 08, 2009, 01:19:41 am
Stupifying our plan is this seasons idiot, who happened to incorrectly install the steel floodgate despite the area designated to be flooded also being restricted.
I have half a mind to drown the moron, and get on with Project Moat, but I have to go back in there and open up a channel anyways, so I guess I have to save him....
*sigh*
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnSiege1.png)
A caravan from the mountainhomes came, but was quickly ambushed by a goblin horde. Four legendary champions just happened to be nearby, but the caravan lost a wagon and a donkey, and was forced to retreat off the map before the goblins could be eradicated.
On the other side of the map, Captain Jack and Lord Lego were defending the incomplete Temple of Ber Steelearthen from another horde of goblins. Lord Lego charged headlong into battle in a berserk range!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnLegoTrance.png)
He fired bolt after bolt, ripping through beak dog flesh and sending the riders flying. Before they could get up, a bolt tore through their armor. If they survived that, there was always the Captain's axe to deal with.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnSiege2.png)
When the battle was over Captain Jack fell to the ground, gasping for air. He tore off his helmet and lay in the sun. He took great joy in the slaughter.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnGoblinCIv.png)
The goblins of the Unholy Sin have lost another local leader this day. Their civilization stands on the brink of ruin. I suspect their warrior-king will come riding over the hill some day soon, in a last ditch attempt to save his kingdom.
Post by: MrGimp on March 08, 2009, 01:30:58 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/PULLTHELEVER.png)
Post by: Zulaf on March 08, 2009, 01:52:01 am
But other than that pretty much spot on.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 08, 2009, 03:46:42 pm
This ☼Thread☼ has lots of coincidences.
Post by: short_dwarf on March 08, 2009, 04:09:35 pm
I noticed that in the Caravan's slaughter, one puddle of blood looks like a cross.
This ☼Thread☼ has lots of coincidences.
I'm pretty sure that's sand...
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 08, 2009, 04:51:57 pm
(http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c335/Ezimodnar/VIDYAGAMES.png)
Post by: MrGimp on March 08, 2009, 06:07:01 pm
Artifact axe? Hmmmmm. I already have an adamantine axe though, right? Also, 5 kills! Suck it, suicidal goblins!
Yeah. This is your axe...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/JACKSAXE.png)
Made by the same dwarf that made the artifact demon sword.
Post by: MrGimp on March 08, 2009, 06:20:41 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MOATFILL.png)
In late autumn we turned the pumps on and started filling up the moat. It was less a defensive structure and more of a dwarfy thing to do. Also, it moved water around the fort so that it could be used in other dwarfy projects.
Here is a list of the current megaprojects to be completed before the end of the story and their current status...
1 - Project Moat (Complete)
2 - Temple to Ber Steelearthen (Begun)
3 - Noble River Cave (Begun)
4 - Dwarven Valhalla
5 - Other temples?
6 - Something for an Adventurer
7 - The Tomb of Urist
Post by: Org on March 08, 2009, 06:30:33 pm
TRADE FOR THE TRADE GOD!
Post by: MrGimp on March 08, 2009, 06:32:40 pm
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1156-fight (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1156-fight)
After the battle, the Duchess ran out into the gore to get the goblins' precious spider silk.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterSiege.png)
Post by: MrGimp on March 08, 2009, 06:41:12 pm
Temple for the trade god.
TRADE FOR THE TRADE GOD!
Actually, the Temple to Ber Steelearthen IS our trade temple. Ber Steelearthen is the god of jewels and sparkly things. Under the temple is our trade depot. It's our only trade depot now, I demolished the other one. But the pet owner rehab is under the temple, too, as well as some things I'm still putting in... *evil laughter*
Everything that dies under the temple is a sacrifice to Ber Steelearthen. So far I've sacrificed a couple dozen pets and several dozen elves, goblins, and pack animals.
Post by: Org on March 08, 2009, 06:42:35 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 08, 2009, 06:57:12 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring.png)
WAAAAAAAYYYYYYY too many kids now. Something must surely be done about them soon. Theyre not as easy a problem to deal with as pets...until they become peasants of course, and then they can be tossed away even easier.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringElfDie.png)
More elves came to Rifotkubuk this season. Again they were trapped and forced to fight each other to death. The winner faced Captain Jack's squad. And lost.
Queen Urist has ordered the expansion of the floor above the trade depot, to allow marksdwarves to take joy in the slaughter of elves.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringTaxDrown.png)
The tax collector had been stricken by melancholy without an economy to manage and money to steal from the workers. He threw himself into the river. His body washed down the waterfall and came to rest under Urists bedroom, at the bottom of the river. Urist was delighted to know their would always be a dead tax collector below her as she slept at night. Blockedlance was becoming quite the cozy home.
The only real threat was the mayor. Urist was shocked by the growing strength of what she called the House of Erib. The old mayor - the one who was legendary and was married to a legendary, and had two legendary child prodigies - now had his eldest son elected to the mayoralship. Queen Urist was losing her monopoly on power.
Post by: MrGimp on March 08, 2009, 07:00:55 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerSiegeTemple.png)
Post by: Org on March 08, 2009, 07:36:20 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 08, 2009, 09:52:37 pm
How do you trap enemies/elves underground?
I've just been building walls behind em after they get in there and unload. I have plans to add a retracting bridge over the ramp though.
Post by: MrGimp on March 09, 2009, 02:32:42 am
Summer ends with the election of the old mayors sister. That's THREE members of the same family in a row! This House of Erib worshippers is a threat. Erib is the God of metals, and so is an ally of Ber Steelearthen in the mythology of the Ageless Matched Lashes. But no threat to Urist's power could be an ally in truth. Urist detested the House of Erib, but they were too powerful to move against just yet.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnHammererZulaf.png)
Zulaf and the Hammerer are becoming friends. I guess that happens after you've been trapped in a dungeon for a long time. The Hammerer gets bouts of misery and unhappiness quite often, but Zulaf is never less than content, even when rotting corpses litter the cave. It seems young Zulaf is wearing the Hammerer down with psychological torture.
In other news, theres a lot of vomit in the courtyard...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnFatVomit.png)
Post by: MrGimp on March 09, 2009, 02:46:57 am
But she was still legendary, She was Ingish the Coastal King...wait...that cant be right....King? Shes a she, not a he. Anyways....here she is...drowning.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnCoastalKingDrown.png)
So since theres no chance to save her I check her kills. Shes one I definitely want in my Valhalla Cave. Only on active combat duty for two years, and 18 notable kills!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnCoastalKingKills.png)
Shes only dabbling in swimming...and she JUST picked that up. She would have to stay alive and swim halfway across the map, then through my water tunnels and out into the Noble's River Cave to survive. No way. She cant do it. Right?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnCoastalKingLIVES.png)
I guess that's why they call her the Coastal King(Queen?) of Wars!
Post by: Christes on March 09, 2009, 04:06:57 am
Post by: short_dwarf on March 09, 2009, 08:34:56 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 09, 2009, 09:39:52 pm
Progress is made upon the temple's lower levels. There is the new
Theres another siege this season, of course. However, this time both Captain Jack and Lord Lego are missing and presumed drunk. Christes and Tradanbatllan are missing and presumed horny.
It is up to the four legendary dwarves under Captain Tekkud (Ingish the Coastal King is in his squad) to fend off the goblin hordes from the temple. Tekkud leads his squad west, leaving the eastern passage in the capable hands of the marksdwarves....
The marksdwarves however, allow quite a few goblins into the center of the fortress...where I tell the training marksdwarves and axedwarves to get back on duty and defend the mountain home!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/219WinterSiege.png)
Tekkud's squad slaughters the goblin squad in the west. Jackrabbit showed up just in time to remark "We missed it? We missed the battle? Hey Im not as think as you drunk I am!!! Leave me alone!"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/219WinterSiege2.png)
But the battle wasnt over. I had told everyone to reassemble inside the fortress defenses, but some marksdwarves were adamant about getting those silk socks...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/219WinterSiege3.png)
They paid for the silky smoothness with their lives.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/219WinterSiege4.png)
Post by: MrGimp on March 10, 2009, 01:36:43 pm
A Beak Dog fell in a pool and didnt drown. What? He kept interrupting people who went near him trying to get silk socks and caps. Lord Lego summoned his squad. Christes did the honors by putting the mut down.
Post by: MrGimp on March 10, 2009, 01:43:32 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Blockedlance.png)
Anyways, I tried to upload blockedlance to the map archive, but it told me the file was too big. Even trimming it down to two or three levels didnt work! It said I have too high a percentage of unique tiles, and this causes low compression. It cant be my tileset can it? Ive seen MASSIVE foretresses on the map archive with tilesets in use. I dont understand why dinky little Blockedlance wont go up. Anyone have any ideas?
Post by: MrGimp on March 10, 2009, 03:35:18 pm
Chapter #6 - Goodbye Sanity
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/qv.png)
Hear Ye Hear Ye! Queen Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs doth incite due litigation, in fervant accordance with the new law, that all members of the peasantry that doth not worship unto the Steel-Earthen shall hereby promptly report to the Temple's baptismal chamber for conversion!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/YouShouldaWorshippedBer.png)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 10, 2009, 05:30:53 pm
Being horny obviously is more important than fighting to save our home.
Post by: MrGimp on March 10, 2009, 11:27:05 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring220.png)
The shock went through Blockedlance like a silent wave. Everyone felt it, none were immune to the creeping sense of anxiety about the new Temples use as a sacrificial altar to Ber Steelearthen. It wasnt even half finished, and it had already exacted such a terrible price upon the dwarves who labored under Queen Urist. The first two peasants were told to go in for conversion. The devoutly religious among the lower class were indignant, but going along with a conversion to a new god in public did not mean they had to do so in private. So the two peasants went in, and when they came out, two new burial tasks were entered into the Mayors ledger.
Another peasant had to be forced in kicking and screaming. The dwarf who pushed him in, a legendary bone carver, was also locked in accidentally. But since he didnt worship Ber Steelearthen, he deserved death, too, and the lever was pulled anyways. Plus the artifact he made had a crummy picture of crummy Queen Cog on it. The bastard!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ArtifactDeadMaker-1.png)
It was then that the panic truly set in, for if even a legendary could be killed for not worshipping Ber Steelearthen, then ANY dwarf could be killed. But for now the order had strictly said that only *peasants* need worship Ber Steelearthen or die. The Eribite mayor won exclusion for him and his family from this law. Urist quietly seethed with rage at the House of Erib.
Seeking more ways to bring down the masses of slobbering mouth breathers to something of a more controllable number, Urist then ordered mothers who did not worship Ber Steelearthen into the Pet Owner Rehabillitation Booth.
The results were......unspeakable....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ChildStab.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TempleofChildKill.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SCORE.png)
The dwarves were horrified...but Urist knew who was smiling; Ber. Ber Steelearthen was smelling the miasmic cloud of fragrant baby death, and it was good. Child sacrifice had been common among the ancient dwarves of Sil Gomath.....the weakened ways of civilization and the nobility ruined everything!
They had brought their gods Erib and Nunur, held them up as the greatest of the gods, and relegated Ber Steelearthen to the role of some minor deity. No! Urist would sacrifice their children to Ber in revenge for the eons of unsatisfied hunger for dwarf blood....and with this new strength, Ber Steelearthen would rise to sit at the head of the Gods' table in the Heavenly Halls! In return for her loyalty, perhaps Ber Steelearthen would grant Urist immortality, and maybe even Godhood itself!
Moohoohuahahahahahahahahaaaaa!!!!!!!
Post by: MrGimp on March 11, 2009, 02:25:26 am
The serfs were on high alert after the child sacrifices in the Temple. Thob Whipcolor, the Trader, explained to everyone that this was the way the gods had always been worshipped, and that it had only been forgotten recently. He promised that the strength of the departeds' souls' would come back in the form of rich soil, bountiful booze, beautiful women, and lots of giant cave spider silk. When he promised them giant cave spider silk they didnt mind the dead babies and children so much.
Queen Urist however, remained squirrelled away. She had begun writing in her journal, because she could no longer trust anyone. But now she could no longer trust having her thoughts laying about in a book for anyone to read. She had taken to talking to herself. Little bits here and there at first...but eventually it consumed her private time.
One day, as she paced about her palace, she heard a low deep voice....it's power gripped her.
"Chosen One...."
Urist froze.
"....You have awoken me from eons of slumber...."
Urist's heart beat nearly out of her chest. She put her hands on her head and tried to shake the voice out...but it refused to leave.
"You know me as Ber Steelearthern....
"My God....I serve only you!"
"Though my Temple is not yet finished it is no matter....you have performed the child sacrifice necessary to invoke my consciousness back into the realm of existence......but only faintly...."
"My lord....what must I do???" asked Urist frantically.
"You must bathe the temple in blood! Do not stop killing!!! I shall need to devour as many souls as I can to rebuild my strength, Urist! Can you do this for me? Can you breed peasants like cattle and feed their souls to me?"
"My Lord....you have revealed yourself to me at last! I cannot deny you anything!!!"
"Good....go now.....there are still sixty children in your great moutain. Feed me their delicious youthful blood!"
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 11, 2009, 02:42:25 am
Is the military exempt?
Post by: Christes on March 11, 2009, 04:12:53 am
This trope (http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/InfantImmortality) has been thoroughly violated.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 11, 2009, 04:38:10 am
Post by: Christes on March 11, 2009, 02:10:55 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 11, 2009, 02:32:53 pm
Insanity grows
Your babies will all die now
Tantrum all you want
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 11, 2009, 05:06:51 pm
From the Children
'Dear Queen, you are being a poopie head. You killed my older brother. You killed my friend. You killed my cousin. YOUKILLEDMY-'
The rest of the letter was torn off in a struggle for life.
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2009, 12:01:37 am
"Uh, yes I'd like to speak with the Queen," said Jackrabbit at last.
The guards said nothing, they simply looked at each other, then one of them slowly opened the door. The guards motioned him inside. In the grand foyer, filled with gold statues and detailed engravings, Captain Jack found the philosopher, the Wise dwarf Asmel, pacing back and forth.
"Uh, hello wise sage."
"Oh....you're one of the squad leaders arent you?" Jack nodded. Asmel then asked, "What brings you to this unholy place?"
Unholy?, Jack thought to himelf. "Uhhh....I actually just wanted to speak with the Queen."
Asmel's face went pale. "You'll have to be in the same room with her to ask her something....are you sure you want to do that? She's quite mad."
"Damnit! I dont have time for this! I simply wish to ask a question!"
"Bah! Then go, if you're so brave! Ha! It's easy to have courage when one doesn't understand the danger he faces!"
With that cryptic remark, the Philosopher shuffled off, mumbling under his breath. Captain Jack proceeded into the throne room.
The hall was dark...only two torches were lit at the far end of the room. In the pool of light, Urist sat on her Platinum throne, watching Jack intently as he came in.
"Ahhhh....one of my favored minions!" remarked the Queen.
Captain Jack smiled awkwardly. "It's good to know that I have not lost your favor, my Queen"
"Oh no...I will always favor those who would die for me. But why are you here?"
"Well your majesty...I *would* die for you....I will fight my hardest against your enemies and I will shed my blood if need be....but let that be decided on the field of battle....not some temple altar! I am a warrior, my queen! I beg you....when I die, let it be with honor!!!"
There was silence for a minute. Urist cracked a smile. At last she spoke. "I kill only those who oppose me or who are useless to me. You have a use to me still, and I know you cannot oppose me....who would you turn to Jack? Would you turn to the Duchess? Ha! She will have you beaten to death for serving me!"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/JackHammer.png)
"Your majesty I wish to serve only you! Regardless of death or beating! I simply wish to die like a dwarf, not some sacrificed animal!"
The Queen nodded, as if there was never a thought in her mind to the contrary. "You are the Brutal Square of Problems. You are not a slobbering peasant. When the dust settles and I have remade Dwarven society, it will be the seed of dwarves like you that grows in the rich soil. Now go...back to your guard duties. Make sure the peasants learn to heel. I am depending upon you, Captain Jack."
"Yes your majesty...thank you your majesty....of course your majesty," and with that, Jack bowed several times and then left the room.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 12, 2009, 12:23:15 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 12, 2009, 04:45:43 pm
Good to know. We will lead the revolution! also, six hammerstrikes? For violation of an order I had no way of fulfilling? Bitch needs to die, and it needn't be quick.You should die a happy, horny dwarf like Christes and I
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2009, 09:56:06 pm
So I modded my kobolds to be auquatic, with the intent that they would sneak into my fortress through the water tunnels. I could have grated my tunnels to block them...but still, I thought it would be cool to try out. It didnt work too well. When the koblod gets spotted he wants to run off the map, but theres no way off the map...except through the fortress I guess...but they never try to go that route. They just freeze there and then I send some marksdwarves in.
I tried taking away [FLEEQUICK] but that didnt help. Oh well...so much for aqua-kobolds.
Speaking of water....another dwarf fell into our moat during the last siege.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WaterLovers2.png)
You wont believe it though....he is the lover of Ingish the Coastal King!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WaterLovers.png)
This guy doesnt prove as adept a swimmer....or as smart. He just freezes there and finally drowns. I dont care if youre legendary...if you dont fight for your life then good riddance.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/HammerTantrum1.png)
The Hammerer tantrums but never goes ape shit enough to bring on Zulaf's axe. Since I have nothing to throw in the arena right now, it doesnt really matter....but Id still like them to hurry this deathmatch up. Its been a couple years.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/DeathTrap.png)
I keep getting the death trap message every season. I dont understand it? Whats so wrong with Blockedlance that it's a death trap?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/DeathTrap2.png)
I mean....just because we trap people and sometimes they die. Big deal. Doesnt make us a death trap. We're a lovely home.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 12, 2009, 10:21:19 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 12, 2009, 10:21:32 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2009, 11:05:35 pm
Funny story about that planter. She was locked in there with a kid and a baby. Then she died and the kid dies, but the baby lived!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MommysDead2.png)
That baby lived a short and miserable ecistence before dying of starvation. I cant wait to have Urist engrave the temple with gruesome ass shit of withering babies and drowning peasants.
Also, on the other side of the fortress, the babies father is trapped with two other kids who then start dropping. A corpse even winds up in the guys bed! Hahaha...I made him sleep with his kids corpse! Take that you digital virtualization! Im infinitely superior to you!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/DaddysDying1.png)
Anyways, he was a wounded marksdwarf who then died of no water because his door accidentally jammed. Oops.
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2009, 11:12:43 pm
Half the troops are off drinking as usual. I send Jackrabbit's squad to the west, but there are 3 or 4 squads of bowmen. One of the guys in Jackrabbit's squad actually died! Can you fucking believe it? Then a couple marksdwarves go down in the east.
Five dwarves went down in rapid succession.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/220WinterSiegeDeaths.png)
A sixth dwarf, an elite marksdwarf, got his throat torn out by a goblin arrow shortly after the other deaths and stumbled around before collapsing in a pool of his own blood.
Yeah, it sure has been fun here at Blockedlance this past year.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 12, 2009, 11:26:31 pm
If not, dammit Jack! You suck at touchy moments!
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2009, 11:35:26 pm
Did Jack have a touching moment, where he ripped the bow-goblin to shreds and carried his fallen comrade in a fireman's lift back to the fortress, where he promptly dropped the corpse down the nearest hole?
Nah...actually....you left halfway through the battle to fill your waterskin. It was actually a good thing....you mightve gotten pierced several times. That was a very ranged-heavy siege.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 12, 2009, 11:39:37 pm
"Charge the heavily armed and armored enemy! They may have deadly ranged weapons, but we have spirit! Now, go! I, on the other hand, want a drink. Bye!"
*PlinkPlinkPlinkPlinkPlinkPlink*
*AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!*
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2009, 11:50:51 pm
Im losing a lot of marksdwarves though. Oh well...I have PLENTY of axelord champions.
If anyone wants one theyre still available.
About 35-40 dwarves have died this year. So grab a dwarf now before the rest die.
Im aiming to bring the population down to between 100-150. But a tantrum spiral might bring me below even that.
Post by: MC Dirty on March 13, 2009, 03:17:25 pm
I really like how miserable the dwarves are becoming.You are a horrible, horrible person. That means: A true DF player! ;D
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 13, 2009, 04:13:18 pm
I was...
With Christes...
Nowhere to be found...
Stroking the marvelous beard of my companion...
Post by: Christes on March 13, 2009, 04:45:08 pm
The dwarven Pol Pot.
Post by: MrGimp on March 13, 2009, 10:57:03 pm
He crept in, and with halting steps made his way through the foyer. Once in the mad Queen's dark hall, terror gripped him. He managed only a few small steps into the giant throne room before he stopped. Looking ahead, he could see the Queen's beady eyes upon him.
"You summoned me, your majesty?"
"Yes." Urist spoke solemnly. "Come closer."
Tradanbattlan wiped the sweat from his brow, and then inched closer. It was then that he noticed that the Queen held the fort's artifact demon sword in her hand. As he neared, she rose from her throne, and stepped towards the marksdwarf.
"On your knees." That was the cold command from the Queen. Tradanbattlan sensed that his time was coming to an end. His life flashed before his eyes, and he thought of all the things he would never do again. A sense of acceptance came over him, and slowly, he kneeled down before the Queen one last time.
Tradanbattlan bowed his head as Urist raised the sword, and then....
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 13, 2009, 11:09:50 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 13, 2009, 11:11:05 pm
Tradanbattlan's heart beat quickly as he walked down the long corridor towards the Queen's Palace. When he got close, the guards recognized him, and opened the door for the expected arrival of the marksdwarf.Above me? I was probably on top of the world, chillin with the bros up there
He crept in, and with halting steps made his way through the foyer. Once in the mad Queen's dark hall, terror gripped him. He managed only a few small steps into the giant throne room before he stopped. Looking ahead, he could see the Queen's beady eyes upon him.
"You summoned me, your majesty?"
"Yes." Urist spoke solemnly. "Come closer."
Tradanbattlan wiped the sweat from his brow, and then inched closer. It was then that he noticed that the Queen held the fort's artifact demon sword in her hand. As he neared, she rose from her throne, and stepped towards the marksdwarf.
"On your knees." That was the cold command from the Queen. Tradanbattlan sensed that his time was coming to an end. His life flashed before his eyes, and he thought of all the things he would never do again. A sense of acceptance came over him, and slowly, he kneeled down before the Queen one last time.
Tradanbattlan bowed his head as Urist raised the sword, and then....Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on March 13, 2009, 11:14:05 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/221Spring.png)
We broke back below pop 200 for the first time in a good while. Plus theres about half as many animals as before, and most are chained up or caged. The FPS already is noticably improved...but it could still be better...and that means more dwarves must die!!!!
A couple children from the House of Erib died. Neither of them were intentional either (honest!). One child got a mood and couldnt find shell so she went nutters and had to be locked up. Then she died. Then the other kid from the House of Erib got caught outside in a siege if Im remembering correctly.
It would change the story if this family loses its hold on power...fortunately, Ive been killing most of the other large families...so they arent faring any better. Hopefully the balance remains in favor of one of the two big Erib worshipping families.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/EribTax.png)
In mid-spring the ballsiest mother fucker alive shows up. I had begun to think I had finally scared them away...but here comes another tax collector! And this one worships Erib!!! Im gonna go out on a limb and guess that the Erib worshipping mayor invited this guy to come to our fort.
Oh well....tax collectors will just continue to pile up in our catacombs. Theyll be like rings on a tree.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 13, 2009, 11:29:53 pm
"... b-but I worship Erib..."
And so the whole army pounced on him.
And he was thusly put in the collection.
Post by: MrGimp on March 15, 2009, 09:43:57 pm
In fact...from this shortage we have suffered one tremendous loss...Zulaf has died.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ZulafDead.png)
The prison cave that had once been so plentiful had also been drained just simply by the two captives. Soon after the Hammerer died of thirst as well. Now the terrible threat of an untamed Hammerer coming to Blockedlance has reared its ugly head.
This is not good.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/221TaxCoins.png)
The new tax collector has mandated coins. *sigh* When will these capitalist pig dogs relent and accept the communal credit system? This doesn't bode well for the future, and even though we are below 200 dwarves, no migrants dare make the journey here.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/migrantsnervous.png)
We do keep our spirits up here in these mountain halls. Why, the elf traders we locked in went crazy, and even when we opened the hatch back up to let the humans in, these nutty elves just kept stumbling around drooling and babbling! The human and dwarf merchants gathered and threw elf bones at them and called their mothers generously loving women. It was great fun!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ElfCrazyTraders.png)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 15, 2009, 09:48:44 pm
TOO NERVOUS?
SOME MIGRANTS NEED TO GET SOME BALLS
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 15, 2009, 10:05:17 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 15, 2009, 11:51:20 pm
Queen Urist:
The dwarven Pol Pot.
After careful thought and deliberation (Meaning I drank some sewer brew and smoked some rat weed) I have decided to rename this thread.
Post by: MrGimp on March 16, 2009, 12:03:47 am
"They fall all over themselves to please you now Ber!"
The room remained quiet. Ber Steelearthen had not chosen to reveal himself again. Perhaps more baby slaughter was needed?"
"Don't worry my Lord! There are more locked below your temple, starving to death! It is a miner and his baby, plus two children. I hope their souls are pleasant and delicious to you my lord!"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/DeathChamber.png)
"And there is more as well, almighty Steelen-one!"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/EightDead.png)
"I have caught a family of Erib cultists....not that mayors family just yet but another one. With them, including the peasants and planters I also tossed into the baptismal chamber, that is eight souls I offer you, in addition to the four down below.....and there is still even more to feast on my lord, because I have locked two wounded dwarves and the tax collector inside the monk's dormatories!"
Again there was silence.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/DeathChamber2.png)
But when the news was brought to the Queen that the dwarves had been baptized, she knew Ber Steelearthen was smiling upon her.
Post by: Jarod Cain on March 16, 2009, 01:55:38 am
Can I still get one of the military dwarves?
Rename them Cain.
-J-
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on March 16, 2009, 10:23:36 am
Name him Mogror Harbett, Engineer of Death.
Read the Dwarven Insane Asylum to find out about his backstory.
I think he'll like it here.
Post by: Akigagak on March 16, 2009, 10:45:50 am
Name:Akigagak.
When the spiral starts, the axedwarves shall have a lot of fun with 200 tantruming unib worshipers
Post by: Christes on March 16, 2009, 12:08:38 pm
Post by: Zulaf on March 16, 2009, 04:20:32 pm
Oh well iv enjoyed the story so far and ill keep with it till it ends, even though i don't post much i check every day.
Am i gonna get a burial chamber or just tossed in a pile with the Erib worshipers?
What was my god anyways?
EDIT: Typos blech
Post by: MrGimp on March 16, 2009, 05:16:11 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Cain.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Akigagak.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Mogror.png)
Maggarg, I didnt give you the most skilled mechanic, but I gave you one that worships Ber Steelearthen, which makes him orders of magnitude more likely to survive. I also found that one of the engineers worships Erib. This just wont do.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Childcorpsegarden.png)
In unrelated news, three children (so far) have thrown themselves into the river after the loss of their parents. The stink is making the peasant's cave river garden smell even more foul than usual.
Post by: mythmonster2 on March 16, 2009, 05:49:35 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 19, 2009, 12:38:21 pm
If there are any that don't worship Erib, I'd like to take any miner, please. Great read. What shall Urist do next?
No miners worship Ber Steelearthen or Erib. I think the Erib miner just got killed in the temple. But I can give you a legendary miner training to be mason.
What do you want to name the dwarf?
Post by: MrGimp on March 19, 2009, 12:56:02 pm
But I wont forget about the story. Dont worry. There just might be busy weeks here and there. But then my DF OCD kicks in and I requisition time from such mundane tasks such as eating sleeping and drinking, and I play Blockedlance through 5-10 years.
But Ill tell you an interesting story in the meantime, just so you didnt waste time opening this thread :P.
I got three staples in my head last night. To make a long story short, I am a poor peasant dwarf renting a room in a house owned by some noble. Every now and again the noble mandates that some low life trash will come to live in our hovel. One of these said low lives was beating their kid. The child is 3. I overheard it on several occassions, mostly verbal abuse but when I heard a definite smack and a thud, and then the little girl crying hysterically, I stroked my bearded sack and grabbed my adamantine.....uhhhh....my adamantine fist....and I stormed down the hall and pounded on the dolomite....errrr....the birchen door. Well, after several very dwarven words with this damn elf of a woman, I told her that I dont break up families lightly, but that she was pushing it because what I was hearing was total bullshit.
She was telling her kid she was stupid and annoying and a brat. Ugh. Anyways, The woman starts crying and apologizing. Whatever. She calms down with the kid for a couple days so I wanted to let it blow over. But who was in my backyard waiting for me last night but her 6'4" 200+ pound husband, informing me that if I ever said anything to his wife again he would 'fuck me up'!
Well, overestimating the beard on my sack I promptly told him he could 'fuck that' and advised him to 'suck my dick'. He asked me to repeat that last phrase, so I did. 'Suck my dick'.
I was promptly hurled by the neck across the patio, landing on uneven cement slabs and big border stones around a planter. Cops came. Guy ran off into the alley long before they were there. Three staples in my head to close the gash.
Got sympathy from a hot nurse, though. ;D
Did not get a phone number. >:(
Post by: Zulaf on March 19, 2009, 01:37:29 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 19, 2009, 01:47:39 pm
Next time bust his nee caps with a 2x4.
Im only a dabbling 2-by-4-master. Plus my damblock wasnt nearly as high as this ex-con's.
Post by: Hawkfrost on March 19, 2009, 01:51:35 pm
Next time bust his nee caps with a 2x4.
Im only a dabbling 2-by-4-master. Plus my damblock wasnt nearly as high as this ex-con's.
Use thermite.
Everything is better with thermite.
Post by: mythmonster2 on March 19, 2009, 04:18:18 pm
If there are any that don't worship Erib, I'd like to take any miner, please. Great read. What shall Urist do next?
No miners worship Ber Steelearthen or Erib. I think the Erib miner just got killed in the temple. But I can give you a legendary miner training to be mason.
What do you want to name the dwarf?
Just name him "Myth", a little delusional, imagines he's a dragon of myth, hence the name.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 19, 2009, 04:58:45 pm
Post by: Org on March 19, 2009, 05:06:36 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 19, 2009, 11:58:05 pm
For a minute there, I though you were talking about Df....you weren't, were you?
Nope. That there was real life. haha
Im gonna try to get a picture of it online, Ill post it. The gash is not so long....I mean, its big...but its not massive. Its just all red and road rashy so it looks pretty gruesome. Ill try to get a closeup shot of the staples.
I actually said no to the ambulance when the cops tried to get em to come. I sat here bleeding for a couple hours before I realized it wasnt going to stop bleeding on its own. How did I realize that? I put my hand back there to feel the wound, and my finger slipped into the cut and under my skin. That was when I was like 'oh.....Im probably gonna need to get that looked at'.
Post by: MrGimp on March 20, 2009, 04:43:18 pm
Its not as red as it was yesterday and the day before. But feh. Theres my head.
Ladies ladies....I know you love battlescars....theres more than enough of me to go around. :P
Post by: short_dwarf on March 20, 2009, 04:52:36 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 21, 2009, 02:59:02 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 21, 2009, 04:12:38 am
Chapter #7 - Immolation
Queen Urist sat in her throne room, barricaded from the dwarves who were voicing their petty grievances over lost loved ones. She spoke to herself, she spoke to the air. She spoke to her God above.
"...the unruly rabble....child beaters, rat weed smokers, beardless ones, these dwarves are all inferior to me! Sobers, the lot of them! Lounging around all day by the cave river instead of getting drunk and doing something!"
She was yelling to Ber Steelearthen, for she knew her righteous anger would be heard.
"...and they are so weird my lord....like that miner Sarvesh that everyone has nicknamed 'Myth' because of all the whoppers he tells about killing dragons. But the weirdest of all has got to be that engineer Mogror Harbett. When he first arrived I knew he was nutters. He does not speak of it often, but over the years, I have pieced his tale together from the rumors and gossip. He claims to be from some mechanical city that he helped build....but damned if I have ever heard of any city like that. Well...except Olonkulet...but come on, that's just a legend."
Olonkulet was a city of dwarven legend whose mighty brass gates had sealed the city off from the world forever. That was said to have taken place in the ancient past, over 1200 years ago, around the time the first demons had come to Sil Gomath and ruled over the world during a thousand year dark age. No dwarf alive was old enough to remember the time before the last demon had been sealed away, and even the oldest dwarves oldest grandparents had lived only during the end of that unholy age, when the demons were largely scattered and few.
"If Mogror Harbett had lived at Olonkulet, that would make him older than Odom and Eve!!!" Urist shouted as she considered the prospect. "Oh well...I suppose it does not matter if his mind is shattered...many a great dwarf has had this virtue. He does not mix it with sobriety, and he does worship you my lord. So I suppose there is a place for him."
Urist went back to coolly sipping Sunshine from her adamantine mug...
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on March 21, 2009, 08:27:33 am
He doesn't strike me as a religious dwarf.
Nyahahah
Post by: MrGimp on March 21, 2009, 02:00:46 pm
As the Queen and her bodyguards climbed to the top of the main stairway, Urist noticed a trail of blood. It went up two z-levels and stopped at the feet of a heavily wounded and babbling child.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ChildWounded.png)
The child was distraught over the loss of her Erib worshipping mother. Urist paused and smiled with delight at the chance to see the misery in action. The bleeding child managed to hurl herself down the stairwell for a second time. The second leap did what the first leap could not.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ChildWounded2.png)
Continuing her inspection tour, Urist found that the new room that had been designed for the Dungeon Master and then forgotten about was now being squatted on by an Erib worshipping cripple! The child had been severely wounded by the Temple's death spikes. Somehow she had managed to survive and someone decided that this meaningless child was somehow worth this legendary room.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ChildWounded3.png)
Urist had the doors sealed and ordered no more water or food be brought to the kid.
Post by: MrGimp on March 21, 2009, 02:11:23 pm
Its Spring of 222 now. The population has gone from a peak of 234 down to 177 in two years. There have been plenty of babies born...but they just cant keep up with the death rate. I solved the booze, food, and seed problem. Again we have plentiful stocks of all. The lowest of the peasant low-lives have been wiped out. The next rung on the food chain, the farmers, have been decimated. The horde of children remains too big, however.
More must be sacrificed.
Post by: MrGimp on March 21, 2009, 06:26:25 pm
A Hammerer and a Tax Collector came. The Hammerer worships Erib, the foul bastard.
Lord Tradan stood watch over the walls as the two nobles came into the fortress. He wanted to place a bolt right between the eyes of the two dwarves...but he fought the temptation. He looked at Christes and could tell she was feeling the same urges.
As if two nobles werent the most horrible thing to see coming towards the walls of Blockedlance, guess who showed up?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringElfAmbush.png)
ELVES!!! And they werent here to trade, either! They had sent a squad of bowmen to ambush us. Lord Tradan spotted them, and sounded the alarm.
The elves scurried along the edge of the fortress. It was then that Lord Cain, the commander of a squad of axedwarves protecting the eastern entrance to the fortress, spotted the High Priest - the old Trader Thob Whipcolor - out in the line of danger! The High Priest must not be killed!
Knowing his duty, Lord Cain charged forward across the bridge and out into harms way. Elven arrows fell all around. The dwarves blocked them easily with their shields, or dodged them altogether. That was when the elves resorted to their infernal magic and cast their fire spells upon the dwarves.
A ball of flame hurled forth from an elve's fingertips and exploded in the middle of the squad of axedwarves. Lord Cain stood at the center of the inferno.
He died a hero's death.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringElfAmbushCain.png)
Ingish the Coastal Drag King of Wars was burned across her hands and arms, but the dwarves managed to push on, mowing down the elves once they got close enough to lop their heads off.
Their blue blood decorated the field of battle as the flames sent smoke high into the sky. It was glorious!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringElfAmbush2.png)
When the fire was done, the forest was burned to cinders. If the elves thought this was the way to save the trees, their heads were broken, and obviously needed to be stapled back together.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringAshland.png)
Post by: Christes on March 21, 2009, 07:07:28 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 21, 2009, 09:18:44 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 22, 2009, 12:20:58 am
Below we see Blockedlance's surface level after the elf fire of Spring 222...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TopFloor.png)
And down here we the peasant housing quarters and the death traps and monk dorms of the temple. Other additions to the temple are being carved out. There are the new farms, soon all farms will be relocated to the lower levels....except the whip vine and sunshine plots, of course.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/PeasantFloor.png)
And last but definitely not least, we have the nobles quarters, arena floor, and the future noble cave river garden under construction. Another lower level of the temple has only begun to be carved out, and includes the trade depot/sacrficial altar.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/NobleFloor.png)
Post by: Jarod Cain on March 22, 2009, 11:55:35 pm
-J-
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 23, 2009, 04:27:42 am
When the fire was done, the forest was burned to cinders. If the elves thought this was the way to save the trees, their heads were broken, and obviously needed to be stapled back together.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringAshland.png)
Hooray for linking RL into burning elves!
Post by: MrGimp on March 24, 2009, 12:44:47 am
Well, we got a couple 'migrants' if you can call them that. Ill skip the surprise. One lasts one season, the other lasts two.
There is a battle in the summer of 222, however.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerBattle.png)
From the rooftop of the barracks, Lord Tradan and Christes pepper the goblins with iron and steel bolts. Fighting as one, the lovers manage to drop a multitude of the green menace before the axedwarves can even get close.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerChristes.png)
Christes' exploits win her recognition around Blockedlance as a ferocious fighter, and a true warrior.
On the other side of the fortress, another warrior, young Akigagak, is proving his ferocity as well. His squadmates preoccupied and far away, he takes on an entire goblin crossbowman squad all by himself. He dares to charge straight at the very hill they stand upon, and I got (most) of it on film!
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1201-akistrance (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1201-akistrance)
For his valor, Akigagak was made a Lord, and given the command of Lord Cain's old squad.
Post by: MrGimp on March 24, 2009, 01:20:49 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterFarmGuild.png)
Its not intended to be some kind of superdwarven ultimately maximized efficiency thing, I just want to speed it up a little and possibly cut down on pathing.
But my peaceful building is interrupted yet again by a siege.
Oddly, the siege begins on a high note as the hammerer is outside procuring some silken footwear. He is shot and killed. I brought a video!
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1202-hammerershot (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1202-hammerershot)
The good times did NOT continue to roll however.
Lord Tradan and his Lady Christes were stroking each others beards when the hammerer ate it. They had shared a laugh together when his fat body hit the ground. But the moment was marred when Ingish the Coastal King of Wars fell into the moat as she charged the goblin menace.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterIngishDrown.png)
"Swim bitch! Youve done it before!" cried Lord Tradan.
"Yeah hurry!" shouted Christes.
But Ingish did not struggle. Ever since her lover had died in this very moat, she had given up on life. As the weight of her armor pulled her down, a sense of relaxation and peace came over her face. Her body fell to the bottom of the murky bloody depths.
Christes and Tradan looked into each others eyes. This battle was different. Christes could feel it. Tradan, however, was oblivious.
"I'm outta bolts. I'm gonna go get some more," spoke Lord Tradan.
"Yes, dear, Ill man the walls.....er, woman the walls." She laughed awkwardly. "Be careful honey....I love you."
Tradan was already walking away. "What? Oh! Yeah I know."
Christes returned to the battlements. "Alright men, dont fire till you see the yellows of their eyes!!!"
Christes' squad rained death upon the goblins, but their number was legion. The battle seemed to be going alright until Christes spotted her lover walking down the path of death all by himself!
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!?!" She shouted in horror. The goblins were approaching quickly.
"Oh, hi honey! Yeah Im just getting bolts, remember? The nearest bolts are on these goblin corpses out in the field, see?"
And thus Lord Tradan marched into the inevitable...that fate which all mortals must endure, but which falls upon some rather cruelly.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterTradanDead.png)
"NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" Christes shrieked. She jumped from her station, and began running down to where he lay. Lord Lego was nearby. Seeing her about to run into the goblin squad by herself, he rushed to her side. A fuckin hero. His beard grew three inches that day.
And hey hero, how bout some brutal wounds to go with them heroics?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterLegoWound.png)
After this screenshot was taken, another bolt rips through Lord Legos other leg....and also through his lung at the same time. It must have splintered in mid air....or something. Despite the assault by Heisenberg arrows, Lord Lego managed to crawl away from the battle and his wounds were tended to.
I thought Christes would be devestated, but actually, she seemed quite content with her lovers death.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterChristesContent.png)
Sorry Tradan. :-\
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 24, 2009, 01:28:53 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 24, 2009, 08:41:42 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring223.png)
In the spring we are again ambushed by elven bastards!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Elves223.png)
Lord Akigagak and Captain Jack were there with axes waiting...
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1207-elfambush (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1207-elfambush)
With the battle over and wounded dwarves resting, Blockedlance went back to business as usual. That was when ANOTHER couple elf squads ambush Captain Jack and Lord Akigagak!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Elves223-2.png)
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1208-elfambush2 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1208-elfambush2)
Near the end of the battle, Lord Akigagak is wounded by elven fire magic. The battle is won, and Captain Jack retires behind an approaching wall of flame. During the battle, one of the many elven fireballs had ignited a forest fire, and it was headed right for Lord Akigagak!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AkiFire.png)
The Queen herself stood on the battlements to see if the wounded champion would survive. She seemed quite eager for blood, and almost disappointed when he managed to live through it all. The Queen was even more disappointed when the fire cleared, she saw a new tax collector and a hammerer.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringMigrants-1.png)
But even MORE disappointing than THAT was the fact that a bunch of stupid idiots actually chose to MOVE HERE WITH THEM!!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/223SpringMigrants.png)
I mean, dont they know we kill people just for the hell of it here at Blockedlance? Seriously...think about it....they are chosing to move to a place where, as a citizen, they can be randomly herded into a giant drowning chamber, or forced to pull the lever that causes their own disembowelment! Or the disembowelment of a child or beloved pet!
I mean....as an immigrant especially, youve got to worry about a society that shoots children because they throw a tantrum when they cant find any shells to fingerpaint with.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/223ChildTantrumSpring.png)
This is a society that locks CHAMPIONS in the deep recesses of the fortress, along with six of their kids, after having killed the wife and the family pets, AND a couple of the other kids.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ChildTrap.png)
Yep...the mind boggles when it attempts to comprehend the masochism and self-hatred displayed by these immigrants.
They were all drafted. If they dont mind death, they will die for Blockedlance.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 24, 2009, 08:53:38 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 24, 2009, 08:57:09 pm
"Yes, Mogror, what can I do for you?" asked wise Asmel.
"Elves! The elves! I know why they bring their fire upon us!!!
"Heh...theyre elves...theyre probably mad about the trees..." scoffed the philosopher.
"No! They dont bring their magic down on just anybody....it drains their life essence...it threatens their immortality!!! The Druids will spend years to replenish the mana that has been depleted just in the recent attacks!"
"Hmmm...it is true that it is rare that they use this magic of theirs. Tell me dwarf, how do you know these things?"
Mogror's beady black eyes darted back and forth, he stuttered as he tried to speak. "Well, I...I, you see I know a lot about the elves. I, uh...I....I was a ranger, yeah, long time ago...when I was younger. Some elves lived near us in our forest. They came to trade a lot, and so I learned about them."
Wise Asmel was suspicious. "The nearest elf forest retreats are over a thousand miles to the north, it is a point of pride that they make the effort to come all the way down here to Blockedlance just to to try and end our lives. How could a dwarven ranger possibly have lived with elves?"
"Look, what do you know about 'the nearest elves'? Have you ever left the mountain homes? I bet when Letterclose was destroyed, you didnt even join the refugees and live in the forests and mountains, but instead fled to that rival dwarven hall to the northeast! Too pampered for exile eh?"
"Damnit dwarf, just tell me what you have to tell me then! Why are they attacking now? Why do they risk using their magic upon us?" Asmel was getting angry.
"Hahaha....because they know!" replied the ancient dwarf. He smiled his crooked yellow smile, with his many missing teeth.
"Know what?"
"They know what the queen is up to."
"And what, praytell is that?"
"The god she worships....the temple she builds...the elves are right to fear this place."
"Tell me more old dwarf...."
Post by: Akigagak on March 25, 2009, 11:20:29 am
Post by: Omnidum on March 25, 2009, 04:20:07 pm
How about making some sort of a race track, where you connect retractable spikes to all the other tracks with a lever to them? Could make extermination more fun.
Post by: MrGimp on March 25, 2009, 10:40:26 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring224.png)
Blockedlance has grown to become a lovely place. It is a burnt field of bloody vomit, crunched into the red sand by laboring dwarves and invading goblins and elves.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Autumn223Vomit.png)
(The vomit has spread from the courtyard out into the red sandy wastes)
The Philosopher Asmel paced about the fortress. He did not know what to believe anymore, or what he even felt about it either way. He had been beside himself ever since the engineer Mogror had spoken with him. Was he right about the Queen? Was he right about the temple?
He gazed out over the charred wasteand that had once been a forest, and there the primitive barbaric temple stood over it all. It was massive, sure...and had taken many years to build just what had been built so far....but he thought about the ancients. He thought about what they had known, and what they could build. This rough dolomite rectangle with steel pillars wasn't really all that impressive in the grand scheme of things. The Queen was just another megalomaniac warrior chieftain....as they all were....
Bah! No matter. With his privileged position as the fort's thinker, he didn't have to put his neck out and get involved if he didn't want to.
Post by: MrGimp on March 25, 2009, 11:09:41 pm
Come hear the tale of a warriors death, a death that shook the heavens and made the gods bellow with fury!
Let us pass the ale around until the misery of life is numb to our bones!
Come let us sing sad songs about the deaths of kings! For in this, the spring of the year 224, the elves again attacked us in our homes! Again our brave warriors met the challenge and surpassed it. But sadly....at the end of the battle, a great warrior lay crippled and immobile...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringJackWound.png)
His first thoughts were not of himself....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringJackWound2.png)
But soon he realized the danger he was in. As he watched the flames approach, his thoughts turned to more spiritual matters...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringJackWound3.png)
He came to accept his fate. Every dwarf dies. Hey, at least he had been a dwarf. Humans lived not much past 30 in these dark times. No...he had had a good run....and now it was time to cash in his chips.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringJackWound4.png)
And thus Captain Jack Spireknife, the Brutal Square of Problems burst into flames.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringJackWound5.png)
And there on that field he died....not far from where had been taken down by elven arrows. He had managed one last kill, when a brewer attempted to move his flaming body to a bed.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringJackWound6.png)
The brewer burst into flames as well, dropped the Captain of the Guard, and ran screaming down the western edge of the wall before collapsing and dying.
As much as it saddens me to lose one of the guys that makes our booze...losing one of our oldest and most decorated champions saddens me even more.
Farewell Captain Spireknife, may you find yourself riding with a gentle breeze on your face and the sun at your back. We shall meet again for Ragnarok, for you shall surely be there! Here is a list of the slaves waiting for you in the afterlife...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringJackKills.png)
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 26, 2009, 01:00:00 am
I shall drink until I never existed!
Post by: MrGimp on March 26, 2009, 02:32:36 am
So that makes Legolord the oldest longest run champion in our fort, followed by Christes and then Akigagak. Myth and Mogror are there too. Ill try to work Myth into the plot more when I start the Masons/Miners guild. Right now Im still working with the farmers. It sucks you can only assign rooms to legendaries. Bah!
The dead forum dwarves are:
Zulaf
Cain
Tradanbattlan
Jackrabbit
If anyone wants a second dwarf, or if someone new wants a dwarf let me know. I've got dwarves all over the place. Just give me a name and any specific requests, and Ill try to work with you.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 26, 2009, 03:11:20 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 26, 2009, 10:35:05 pm
Okay, heres a list of the megaprojects thus far....
1 - Project Moat (Complete)
2 - Temple to Ber Steelearthen (Basically Complete)
3 - Noble River Cave (Begun)
4 - Dwarven Valhalla (Begun)
5 - Other temples?
6 - Something for an Adventurer
7 - The Tomb of Urist
BUILD FASTER DWARVES!!! ARGGGHHH!!!! The Queen shall die of old age before her tomb is built at this pathetic rate!!!
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on March 28, 2009, 05:43:04 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 29, 2009, 12:44:18 am
She was so angry that she craved blood. She had not killed in twenty years. She ordered the remaining lizardmen and the last snakemen to be sent to the arena. There she waited for them, in full steel plate with axe in hand. The peasants watched their gladiator queen from the dining rooms. They were both awed by and fearful of her tenacity.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringQueenArena-1.png)
The Queen was charging before the steel gates of the beast pen had even opened. After her initial charge she paused to give her opponents a chance to counter-attack. The cowards could not bring themselves to take that opportunity and so the queen ran directly into the beast pen and finished the fight.
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1216-queenarena (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1216-queenarena)
The Queens antics were the talk of Blockedlance, and even those who hated her for killing their children still admired her dwarvishness.
Post by: Org on March 29, 2009, 09:10:52 am
I would like a corssbowdorf, named Bowbeard, Male, please.
Post by: MrGimp on March 29, 2009, 05:47:48 pm
I would like a dwarf, as I dont think I have asked for one.
I would like a corssbowdorf, named Bowbeard, Male, please.
Alright, you're in. Male is a tough request to fulfill in Blockedlance. It seems to be mostly women. I guess DF doesn't attempt to make it even.
Post by: MrGimp on March 29, 2009, 05:56:55 pm
Truly, this is the ideal place for a 1000 year old genocidal engineer.
You aint seen nothin yet! ;)
Post by: MrGimp on March 29, 2009, 06:01:20 pm
Long time listener, first time caller here.
How about making some sort of a race track, where you connect retractable spikes to all the other tracks with a lever to them? Could make extermination more fun.
haha yeah I need to do something...I keep getting migrants even after so many dead. I'm pretty sure more dwarves lie under Blockedlance than live above and within it. Yet still they flock here to die, carrying their Erib and Nunur idols as they walk right past the massive Temple to Ber Steelerthen.
I'm wondering if I should test the water capacity of the peasant quarters. For science of course.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 29, 2009, 06:04:55 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 29, 2009, 06:25:10 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnChildArtifact.png)
Okay....they keep making stupid pointless craft artifacts instead of weapons and armor. The above artifact was made by a kid. At least its made from goblin bone and has a picture of the Queen's adamantine mug on it, but still. Its pathetic. Even more pathetic than this was the artifact dolomite bracelet studded with bands of dolomite. It was worth about 1400 bucks.
The ONE time I had someone cool go insane, the armorer goes down to the forge and grabs some adamantine, some steel, and some gems. I thought, HELL YEAH!!! But then he needed shell, and alas, there was no shell. So he threw himself into the river after that and we lost our armorer. Everyone dies because theres no shell.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnShell.png)
Or at least...there was no shell. I finally remembered to ask the humans to bring some turtles. For some reason none ever spawn at Blockedlance anymore, and since the dwarf liason died in the demon pits back in 203, the humans are the one chance a year I get to order anything.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/BullDeadOldAge.png)
This is my longest fortress ever. Ive never seen anything die of old age, though I had heard that it indeed happens.
Now I ponder my own mortality as I stare out upon the bloodsoaked fields of Blockedlance.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/BloodEverywhere.png)
Post by: MrGimp on March 29, 2009, 10:31:48 pm
In winter of 224 we got some migrants. One of them was an engraver. Urist handed him the engraving duties since she was tired of carving the same old shit. Hopefully a second engraver would add more variety.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterMythGuildmaster-1.png)
While engravings were being etched into the Farmer's Guild, the Miner/Mason everyone was calling 'Myth' was made the Guildmaster of the Freemason's Guild. The Freemason's were a tool the Queen hoped would cement her power. The Farmer's Guild was already getting overrun by the House of Erib and their cronies. The Freemason's would be the Queen's secret society of loyal dwarves, ready and waiting to do her bidding.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterDukeHeir.png)
The dead Duke's only son has now come of age. Queen Urist had been watching the boy since he was little, and making sure he received a proper education. The Duke's heir had actually proven to be quite maleable.
With the awkwardness and lackluster chemistry apparrent in the Queen's attempt to seduce the Philosopher, Urist considered taking the Duke's heir and breeding a line of legitimately noble dwarves. Then no one could question her Queenship, nor could they question the legitmacy of her successors.
Yes...the Queen could use Mafol Sabretwilights to plant the seeds of a great Uristian Dynasty!!!
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 29, 2009, 10:39:44 pm
Seriously though, its a good plan, but how would you get them to hook up?
Post by: MrGimp on March 30, 2009, 12:22:28 am
ew u said seed.
Seriously though, its a good plan, but how would you get them to hook up?
Its easy really, so long as you understand the dynamics of dwarven pair bonding. I'm going to lock them in a room together for a couple years.
Post by: Jackrabbit on March 30, 2009, 12:49:41 am
ew u said seed.
Seriously though, its a good plan, but how would you get them to hook p?
Its easy really, so long as you understand the dynamics of dwarven pair bonding. I'm going to lock them in a room together for a couple years.
No, that's dwarven bondage.
I haven't praised you for a while.
awesome ☼Thread☼ is awesome. ☼thread☼.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on March 30, 2009, 10:13:38 am
Post by: mythmonster2 on March 30, 2009, 04:38:57 pm
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 01, 2009, 11:31:59 am
With EYES.
Post by: MrGimp on April 01, 2009, 12:08:52 pm
Spring of 225. Well, the old old trader Thob Whipcolor had taken his nice fancy purple flashing title and changed it to High Priest. Then the new old trader Shem Throbog became legendary and got a purple flashy title too....and so she was made the High Priestess. Now I made the Ducal Heir the trader so he can become purply flashy too.
Oh...and there are far too many dwarves at Blockedlance yet again...although its nice that less of them are children and I have more hands to haul things.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringValhalla.png)
The elves and goblins left us alone pretty much the entire year. They are cowards. I took the time to begin the carving out of the monstrous Valhalla Cave. I also began moving the bones out of the coffins in the peasant catacombs and into their proper slots in the Valhalla Cave.
Just a reminder, Akigagak and Christes are not dead, their names are just in the pic to show thats their tomb. The Valhalla Cave will be much bigger than this one day. There will be space for all forum dead, as well as any computer dwarves that are worth remembering.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UselessArtifacts.png)
Someone made another useless artifact. This time its a dolomite statue. And it has a picture of Olngo Fetidprofane the goblin after the attack in 176 where Letterclose was destroyed and the old King killed and mutilated. Queen Cog became leader of the exiles, and so in the pictures on the statue, we see Queen Cog running off into the Prickle Berry bushes as Olngo carves up the old kings body in front of a bunch of his family and friends.
(Actually...the goblin Olngo is from Blockedlance, not Letterclose, Im just pretending because it would have been REALLY cool if they had engraved THIS. Olon was the King before Cog became queen. Everything fits on this artifact except for the goblin being from 224. So lets pretend hes from 176).
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterStrangeEngraving.png)
So I have that new engraver right? Well he engraves pretty much the same shit as Urist. The only new one I saw was this one. Blockedlance was destroyed by demons in autumn of 203. Apparently, during the winter when the game was running in world history mode, a dwarf by the name of Kubuk Abbeypulled fled TO this place as a place of refuge. I know not what happened to him, but since there were spirits of fire everywhere, and since he wasnt here when Urist's squad arrive, I can only assume he was a pile of burnt dwarf bones by Spring of 204.
Post by: MrGimp on April 01, 2009, 12:34:42 pm
But he was safe. He was lying on his rickety bed in his cramped stone hovel. His breath slowed. Truly he could feel the demonic forces of this place. They haunted him still.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 01, 2009, 02:23:17 pm
Penguins...
Post by: MrGimp on April 01, 2009, 02:52:00 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on April 01, 2009, 06:22:42 pm
Post by: Madmonkey24 on April 01, 2009, 07:10:43 pm
Could I be a swordsdwarf? Gory glory is my main goal here.
Post by: Org on April 01, 2009, 08:18:02 pm
Super DAMBLOCK, strength, all that.
Win.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 02, 2009, 10:33:09 am
Post by: Jarod Cain on April 02, 2009, 11:54:59 pm
Mod in Penguinmen.We can call them the Underpenguin, they are known for their proficiency in rocketry (ok since we can't have penguins with rockets strapped to their backs, besieging) and mining.
Super DAMBLOCK, strength, all that.
Win.
-J-
Post by: Hamdinger on April 02, 2009, 11:58:24 pm
Been reading the psychotic adventures of Urist and I want in. I don't really care what you give me.
Hammerdwarf is preferred but since "Nobody likes Hamdingers" (and you don't have any hammerdwarfs)
I could be a peasant ready for bloody death
Post by: MrGimp on April 04, 2009, 10:13:59 pm
<----- The Spirit of Fire (It's not a spaceship damnit!) will melt you foolish antarctic water fowl!
Been reading the psychotic adventures of Urist and I want in. I don't really care what you give me.
Hammerdwarf is preferred but since "Nobody likes Hamdingers" (and you don't have any hammerdwarfs)
I could be a peasant ready for bloody death
Well I have a Hammerer now that worships Ber Steelearthen. Do you want to be him? Youll be in the arena or just randomly beating dwarves...or both. Should make for fun, no?
Or I can make a dwarf a regular hammerdwarf, but he would just be a wrestler to start because I only have trained axedwarves and marksdwarves.
Also, what do you want to name him? Hamdinger?
Post by: MrGimp on April 04, 2009, 10:17:18 pm
I just read this entire thing. And it was awesome.
Could I be a swordsdwarf? Gory glory is my main goal here.
Sure I can make one but he wont be trained as a legendary swordsdwarf to start. What do you want to name him?
Post by: MrGimp on April 05, 2009, 01:38:12 am
Urist sat upon a platinum throne in what was becoming the altar room for the high priest of Ber Steelearthen. The High Priest was there, along with the High Priestess. They were knelt before the Queen with an offering of kittens for Ber Steelearthen. The priest and priestess had already slit each kitten open, and smeared the blood upon their faces in ritualistic cleansing. Queen Urist sat stone still, watching them closely.
When they were done, they bowed their heads. The Queen stood up, and produced an old dwarven skull. She held it before the two holy dwarves with both hands. Then she solemnly spoke.
"All life dies. One must meditate upon death before one's spirit can attain true wisdom. This skull once held everything this dwarf had ever known. It was this dwarf's entire universe. Now it is empty and drained of it's power. One must ponder this. One must understand what it was that flowed through this being that brought him life. Then and only then will you understand the God that we worship."
The two dwarves gave their ritualistic response in unison. "Glory unto Ber Steelearthen, the Dyes of Brightness, the supreme deity of all jewels and shiny things. It is he who lends us the jewel of life...and all life springs from Ber's jewels."
The Queen gave a nod to the High Priest, who then set the pile of dead cats ablaze. The smoke had nowhere to go within the cave, and wafted throughout the temple, leaving the smell of kitten death soaked into the walls. Urist knew that Ber Steelearthen was watching the blessing of his temple with great delight.
Post by: Jackrabbit on April 05, 2009, 01:55:57 am
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 05, 2009, 03:20:12 am
Ah, happy days.
Post by: Jim Groovester on April 05, 2009, 05:12:56 am
Anyways, I'll take a dwarf/creature. It's an idea I'm blatantly stealing from Douglas Adams, but I think it would be funny to implement it in here.
Entity name: Grigrak
Current Dwarf Name: Jimm
Description: Grigrak is an entity whose sole purpose is to be killed by Queen Urist, either as the cat tallow roast she ate for breakfast or the sacrificial dwarven peasant she killed for Ber Steelearthen. The entity's current incarnation is a dwarf named Jimm, whose time on {Whatever the hell this world is called} is most likely nearing its end.
Post by: Madmonkey24 on April 05, 2009, 12:59:30 pm
Name: Madmonkey24
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 09, 2009, 09:11:47 pm
D:
Post by: MrGimp on April 10, 2009, 12:30:34 pm
And sorry everyone for the lack of updates. Two midterms this week. Bleh. Next week is spring break but I dont know how much DF time Ill have. Then when we get back I have another two midterms. But then after that Ill have some DF time again.
And heres an update on my headwound - Staples were taken out. Its pretty much healed already. And I just went down to the police station today and picked the guy out of a group of photos. Apparently, she (the elf woman) gave the police the wrong info on the suspect (her husband). Wrong name, wrong address, wrong everything. Pretty crazy. So now theyre both in deep shit. Husband is apparently a parolee, too.
Post by: MrGimp on April 10, 2009, 12:34:20 pm
MadMonkey24 - Swordsdwarf
Hamdinger - I'll make you hammerer, if thats cool? Our hammerer worships Ber now so hes not like the other hammerers.
Jim Groovester - I guess I can make the new engraver possessed by the Jimm entity. Im trying to get him to carve morbid shit on the walls, so Ive taken to locking him in miasmic caves to make him miserable.
Post by: Madmonkey24 on April 10, 2009, 01:18:58 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 10, 2009, 02:28:02 pm
Wait, you were assaulted? That sucks. Also, glad to see this thing is alive.
Yeah theres a picture of the headwound on page 17. haha
And yes, Urist Salvedangers will never die!!!!!!
Post by: Jarod Cain on April 10, 2009, 06:08:34 pm
And sorry everyone for the lack of updates. Two midterms this week.Not a problem man, you will simply be forgiven if you give me a dwarf named Steve. So his latent powers of awesome as a disguised Bronze Colossus can reach new heights.
-J-
Post by: MrGimp on April 16, 2009, 12:20:38 am
Still, the queen remained faithful. She dutifully reported the events that transpired in the early part of 226. She spent several hours describing the magnificence of a new artifact.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/226artifact.png)
A cave spider silk shoe with all different colors of cave spider silk and images of random mountains and circles....I mean....this shoe is the be all and end all of dwarven footwear...and there is only one.
When she had finished extolling the virtues of the great shoe, and lamenting its singularity, she then began bitching about the peasants and other inferior types.
"Oh great lord, one of our trainees managed to kill a kobold the other day. He's gotten quite the big head about it, refusing to fight with anything but a sword even though he knows not how to weild it. He also demands that everyone now call him MadMonkey24. What manner of name this is, I know not my lord. The mind boggles."
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/madmonkey.png)
"These dwarves vex me lord. I'm terribly vexed. Why....even this new Hammerer - who is a dutiful worshipper of you my lord - has changed his name to Hamdinger. I can only guess that it is some local dialectical twist mangling the Queens Dwarvish."
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Hamdinger.png)
"The engraver you sent is also causing problems. Apparently, Mister Tekkud Whiskeredringed didnt like being locked in a cave deep in the recesses of Blockedlance, behind our atom smasher junk crusher. Yes lord...I'm making a dwarf live behind our junkyard eating horse tallow and drinking sewer brew! I know you are proud of me."
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TekkudCave.png)
(to the tune of spongebob squarepants)
Who lives in a trash pile deep in a cave?
Tekkud Whiskeredringed!
"Now Tekkud has gone nutters, completely schizo. He claims he's been possessed by a demonic entity named Jimm. Do you know anything of this, my lord?"
Urist paused, but there was only silence.
Urist sighed. "Lord, I kill and I kill for you....but they keep coming....endless waves of them. And more are born every day due to the power and verility of dwarven seed. I can only hope I am providing you with the strength you need to manifest yourself in this world permanently..."
The room was still and quiet. The silence was deafening. Urist knew she had not killed enough. Ber must be angry...more must die!
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 16, 2009, 07:16:39 am
Post by: MrGimp on April 16, 2009, 01:15:03 pm
And sorry everyone for the lack of updates. Two midterms this week.Not a problem man, you will simply be forgiven if you give me a dwarf named Steve. So his latent powers of awesome as a disguised Bronze Colossus can reach new heights.
-J-
What kind of dwarf do you want Steve to be? Axedwarf, marksdwarf, lye maker?
As for the being a bronze colossus....he'll have to prove that on the battlefield! ;D
Post by: MrGimp on April 16, 2009, 02:09:55 pm
Well, you do have an engineer of death, a legion of fanatical monks and, of course, the indefatigable will of the dwarf.
Unfortunately Mogror's talents are being wasted at present in building the mechanical appendages that spread throughout the fortress to build a drainage system powered by windmills. Sure its an engineering marvel...but its kinda the opposite of engineering death.
Post by: Madmonkey24 on April 16, 2009, 02:44:43 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 16, 2009, 04:31:03 pm
Lady Christes sat with her squadmates by the cave river. Fuck patroling, it was time to get trashed. Blockedlance was never attacked anymore anyways. The goblins had been nearly destroyed, and the elves were finding it harder and harder to find any of their number who would give up immortality and march a thousand miles to their death at the gates of Rifotkubuk.
Christes remembered the many times she had sat by the river stroking her Tradan's bushy beard. He was such a loving, innocent little drunk. And he was gone...gone forever. She struggled to turn her mind from the depressing thoughts. There was only one thing that could ease the pain now. "Wheres my beer?" she shouted.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/burninhell.png)
On the other side of the fortress, three planters had been sentenced to death by conversion. Gossip spread quickly throughout the fortress, vicious slander such as 'oh, these three planters didnt do anything' and 'hey they were innocent'....stupid remarks of an ignorant nature. Queen Urist personally made her case that these were dwarves guilty of the worst of sins. Gathering the masses in a dining hall, she stood at a podium yelling "Yes they deserved to die, and I hope they burn in hell!!!"
With that, she threw her adamantine mug at a peasant's face and stormed out of the dining room.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 16, 2009, 04:38:07 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/lazymilitary.png)D:
Lady Christes sat with her squadmates by the cave river. Fuck patroling, it was time to get trashed. Blockedlance was never attacked anymore anyways. The goblins had been nearly destroyed, and the elves were finding it harder and harder to find any of their number who would give up immortality and march a thousand miles to their death at the gates of Rifotkubuk.
Christes remembered the many times she had sat by the river stroking her Tradan's bushy beard. He was such a loving, innocent little drunk. And he was gone...gone forever. She struggled to turn her mind from the depressing thoughts. There was only one thing that could ease the pain now. "Wheres my beer?" she shouted.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/burninhell.png)
On the other side of the fortress, three planters had been sentenced to death by conversion. Gossip spread quickly throughout the fortress, vicious slander such as 'oh, these three planters didnt do anything' and 'hey they were innocent'....stupid remarks of an ignorant nature. Queen Urist personally made her case that these were dwarves guilty of the worst of sins. Gathering the masses in a dining hall, she stood at a podium yelling "Yes they deserved to die, and I hope they burn in hell!!!"
With that, she threw her adamantine mug at a peasant's face and stormed out of the dining room.
I'm sorry for dying, Christes.
BUT I'M A GHOST NOW AND THAT IS AWESOME
YEAAAAAAAAAH
Post by: Christes on April 16, 2009, 04:58:54 pm
Post by: Madmonkey24 on April 16, 2009, 05:01:39 pm
Post by: Jarod Cain on April 16, 2009, 11:42:45 pm
You doubt the powers of Steve?
What kind of dwarf do you want Steve to be? Axedwarf, marksdwarf, lye maker?
As for the being a bronze colossus....he'll have to prove that on the battlefield! ;D
. . .
Ok well, you know he was the runt of the litter. As far as profession goes, I'll take either Armorer or a Military dwarf of your choosing. :D
-J-
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 17, 2009, 06:05:41 am
This is Dwarf fortress. Everything is potential death.Well, you do have an engineer of death, a legion of fanatical monks and, of course, the indefatigable will of the dwarf.
Unfortunately Mogror's talents are being wasted at present in building the mechanical appendages that spread throughout the fortress to build a drainage system powered by windmills. Sure its an engineering marvel...but its kinda the opposite of engineering death.
Post by: Kazindir on April 17, 2009, 06:35:43 am
This is Dwarf fortress. Everything is potential death.Well, you do have an engineer of death, a legion of fanatical monks and, of course, the indefatigable will of the dwarf.
Unfortunately Mogror's talents are being wasted at present in building the mechanical appendages that spread throughout the fortress to build a drainage system powered by windmills. Sure its an engineering marvel...but its kinda the opposite of engineering death.
Especially a drainage system. Drainage systems imply large quantities of water tamed by mechanisms, which means mass high-pressure drowning!
Post by: MrGimp on April 17, 2009, 12:03:37 pm
This is Dwarf fortress. Everything is potential death.Well, you do have an engineer of death, a legion of fanatical monks and, of course, the indefatigable will of the dwarf.
Unfortunately Mogror's talents are being wasted at present in building the mechanical appendages that spread throughout the fortress to build a drainage system powered by windmills. Sure its an engineering marvel...but its kinda the opposite of engineering death.
Especially a drainage system. Drainage systems imply large quantities of water tamed by mechanisms, which means mass high-pressure drowning!
Good point....drainage implies something to drain....and that implies potential mass watery death if someone were to forget to pull some levers....or if they pulled too many. So yeah....Mogror's currently building the Fortress Take a Bath device. May it one day bring glory unto Ber.
Post by: MrGimp on April 17, 2009, 12:08:46 pm
You doubt the powers of Steve?
What kind of dwarf do you want Steve to be? Axedwarf, marksdwarf, lye maker?
As for the being a bronze colossus....he'll have to prove that on the battlefield! ;D
. . .
Ok well, you know he was the runt of the litter. As far as profession goes, I'll take either Armorer or a Military dwarf of your choosing. :D
-J-
Damn....I want Steve to be the armorer but our only armorer right now is the dungeon master. Our armorers keep dying. It would be cool if all our legendary armor was 'masterfully crafted by Steve'. Well...we have a legendary weaponsmith...wanna be him?
Post by: MrGimp on April 17, 2009, 12:17:49 pm
No dwarves died. Blood got everywhere.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/EribMerchants.png)
But in a most foul turn of events, the House of Erib, having controlled the administration of Blockedlance for roughly a decade, has expanded their operations into business affairs. All the shops had previously belonged to the old trader who was now the High Priestess. The temple filled it's coffers from the profits of the shops. With the House of Erib making a move to sieze the commerce of the fortress, the Queen was forced to respond.
Urist convened a secret meeting of the Freemason's council deep in the forest to the south. In a dark grove late at night, under a diorite owl statue they gathered to plot their scheme.
"Grand Master Myth," spoke the Queen. Myth was decked out in full masonic regalia, the white apron with the compass square embroidered on it, a cave spider silk cloak with a hood to add to the spookiness, and a gold scepter in his hand to show the other masons who the grand master was.
"Yes, your majesty?"
"The mason's must establish an independant source of wealth. We must become a seperate entity within the fortress. We must be subtle and elusive, and we must confront the House of Erib on all their endeavors, lest they steal the power from us."
"Yes, your majesty. What would you have us do?"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/FreeMerchants.png)
She ordered her loyal band of cronies to buy up one of the other temple properties. Now the Freemasons and the House of Erib would duke it out for control of the clothing trade in and around Blockedlance.
Post by: Guy Montag on April 17, 2009, 01:09:48 pm
Posting so I can monitor the progress.
Also, I've noticed this fortress has A LOT of children. 47 of them?! Surely their lives would be more useful as sacrifice to Ber Steelearthen then the productivity of the fortress?
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 17, 2009, 02:17:37 pm
Make a daycare centre, then fill it with goblins.
Goblins that are on fire.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 17, 2009, 02:18:13 pm
Mass baby slaughter?And have just had their food taken away.
Make a daycare centre, then fill it with goblins.
Goblins that are on fire.
Post by: Madmonkey24 on April 17, 2009, 02:37:16 pm
Mass baby slaughter?Who are all equipped with
Make a daycare centre, then fill it with goblins.
Goblins that are onfire.[/i]Mass baby slaughter?And have just had their food taken away.
Make a daycare centre, then fill it with goblins.
Goblins that are on fire.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 17, 2009, 02:58:52 pm
The scourges are on fire. They menace with spikes of pain.Mass baby slaughter?Who are all equipped with
Make a daycare centre, then fill it with goblins.
Goblins that are onfire.[/i]Mass baby slaughter?And have just had their food taken away.
Make a daycare centre, then fill it with goblins.
Goblins that are on fire.whipsscourges.
The spikes are on fire.
Post by: mythmonster2 on April 17, 2009, 03:27:08 pm
Post by: Jim Groovester on April 17, 2009, 06:45:07 pm
Spoiler: Somewhat Relevant Information (click to show/hide)
The entity is called Grigrak, not Jimm. Jimm is the current dwarf incarnation of Grigrak, and that Queen Urist is killing Grigrak again should only become aware to him at the moment of his death. Otherwise, a miserable existence is fine.
Post by: Jarod Cain on April 18, 2009, 08:41:19 am
Damn....I want Steve to be the armorer but our only armorer right now is the dungeon master. Our armorers keep dying. It would be cool if all our legendary armor was 'masterfully crafted by Steve'. Well...we have a legendary weaponsmith...wanna be him?Weaponsmith is just as good man.
-J-
Post by: MrGimp on April 19, 2009, 12:25:18 pm
Our legendary stonecrafter Asmel was sent down into the temple to pull a lever. Tragedy usually struck people sent to pull levers in the temple. But what choice did she have? She had to do what she was told, or die.
Asmel entered the strange booth, and sat down next to the lever. She pulled for many hours. Back and forth, back and forth. That was the course of her day until all of a sudden the lever jammed. She knew not what it was catching on. She jerked it again. Now it just seemed more stuck. She pulled back until the lever loosened, then she pushed the lever forward again with all her might. Again the lever met resistance.
"What was that?" Asmel said aloud. She thought she had heard some high pitched noise...possibly metal squealing against metal? The sound was muffled by the great stone walls of Blockedlance. "Oh well, no matter..."
Asmel went back to jerking the lever back and forth. The resistance was getting less and less as she went on. Whatever the gears were caught on was loosening up.
"Whew...Im tired," Asmel said after a while. She wiped her brow and then got up and left the booth. As she opened the door and entered the hallway there was a most gruesome scene. "HOLY FUCKING MOTHER OF THE GODS!!!!"
There before her lay the mangled corpses of two of her young children.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringKidDead.png)
There was also the pierced and leaking body of a guard dwarf that had been stationed in the hallway.
The blood, guts, and brains of her children were splattered everywhere. She nearly collapsed into tears, but instead she ran off to get some booze.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 19, 2009, 12:36:21 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 19, 2009, 01:09:17 pm
*yank shove yank shove*
"Yaaaaay! Ahahaha!!"
*thud, thud*
"Hey kids! I'm off to get some booze!"
Post by: Madmonkey24 on April 19, 2009, 06:12:15 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 19, 2009, 11:00:58 pm
We are sieged in Spring 227. We suffer no casualties by the goblins, but we have lost yet another legendary dwarf to our moat.
Damn moat.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/EribShop.png)
In economic news, the House of Erib just simply cannot compete with the super capitalism practiced by Queen Urist. The Queen colluded with her cronies to crash the dwarven credit markets. This caused debt ratios to skyrocket, and the Royal Reserve Board was established (it was just a bunch of Freemasons) to dole out bailout funds to those businesses it deemed too big to fail.
Of course, the exotic clothing shop was NOT deemed too big to fail, and now the Erib worshippers are clamoring to sell their shop for much less than what they had bought it for. Even at this price, it would be tough to find a buyer in the market conditions brought on by the Royal Reserve Board's market crashing extortion.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/FreeShop.png)
Meanwhile, the increased production of cave spider silk robes, hoods, trousers, and socks, as well as various leather shoes, has caused the value of the Freemason's clothing store to rise 10%.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringPoorBastard.png)
In other news, another migrant has died in the temple. Im not losing sleep over it.
Post by: MrGimp on April 19, 2009, 11:05:29 pm
Heres the palace, I havent shown it in a while. I put gold lined paths in the throne room and royal bedroom. In the throne room there is a purple rose gold path, in the royal bedroom the path is cobaltite. Right after this picture was taken I also put in an artifact dolomite statue in the room right before the bedroom. Youll see it in other shots later Im sure.
Post by: Guy Montag on April 19, 2009, 11:20:05 pm
It would explain alot if the former is the case.
Well, for being a dystopian, nightmarish mockery of sane society, the architecture of the fortress is very tastefully done.
Post by: Christes on April 20, 2009, 12:14:09 am
Post by: MrGimp on April 20, 2009, 10:26:46 am
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 20, 2009, 11:05:54 am
Hahaha that WOULD be awesome if she was going insane from the mercury leeching into her system from the cinnabar! Unfortunately, the red stuff in the palace is hematite. Urist's madness comes from within. :PThen she needs a cinnabar temple a la migrursut.
Post by: MrGimp on April 20, 2009, 11:18:47 am
Hahaha that WOULD be awesome if she was going insane from the mercury leeching into her system from the cinnabar! Unfortunately, the red stuff in the palace is hematite. Urist's madness comes from within. :PThen she needs a cinnabar temple a la migrursut.
You know, I've never read Migrursut. Its so long and my eyes will melt into my brain like they did through Nist Akath. But now you've got me interested. So they built a cinnabar temple, eh? Thats pretty fucking genius!
I had other temples on the list of megaprojects...but damn those other gods! Im building something out of cinnabar!!! Perhaps a cinnabar bath house? That way all the dwarves can come to see things Urist's way.
Ill have to import cinnabar blocks from the humans. I have none on my map.
Post by: MrGimp on April 20, 2009, 01:19:09 pm
Urist dared not question the reality of her vision. True, it was a faint light that lit her way, but the thought of the rewards a god could bestow kept her focused. She blocked out all thoughts that she had hallucinated her God's voice. Afterall, she had dreamt of building a temple over the red sandy wastes so intensely that it had felt like a command. And now it was built, and Ber had revealed himself. He had given his command, to kill and to not stop killing.
Until he came again with a new order, Urist would obey his command.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringFishDeath1.png)
Urist worked the fort up about the lack of shell for so many years. The shell crisis had finally been sovled by royal intervention and a monopoly of trading power by Urist and the Duchess (the Duchess's son and now daughters are taking turns being trader to get the purple). The new bounty of shells have exposed the problems in the old production system: over-fishing and extinction of turtles.
Holding a mock trial, she rounded up every fisherdwarf in the fort and sentenced them to death by conversion for crimes against the ecosystem. Our executioner Hamdinger pulled the lever himself.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringFishDeath2.png)
The woodworkers watched these events with great anxiety. They looked out at the burnt red desert that had once been a forest, and wondered if they too would soon be kissing their asses good bye.
Only time would tell...
Post by: Madmonkey24 on April 20, 2009, 02:35:50 pm
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 20, 2009, 03:20:10 pm
Post by: Zulaf on April 20, 2009, 03:48:26 pm
Bonus points for locking the queen and a few loyal supporters in the temple to continue there worship, maybe keep a few sacrifices in there too. Then after most of the water drains build up the place and the tank again and do it all over again...... Rinse and repeat.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 20, 2009, 06:27:33 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 20, 2009, 06:47:44 pm
I kinda have a general gist of an idea of where the story is going, but Ive mostly been free balling it and making shit up as I go this entire time. If you can throw out fortress-ending/mass-dwarf-killing/targeted-child-killing ideas Ill gladly take heed and incorporate them if I really like em.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 20, 2009, 06:50:51 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 20, 2009, 07:09:31 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Summer227.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/tantrums.png)
So Asmel the stonecrafter goes back down to the temple after getting real smashed on whip wine. She finishes off her other two kids, and now her husband the marksdwarf is throwing a tantrum! Come on be a man, get over it. Its just your kids.
The elves attack us this summer!
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1294-damnelves (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1294-damnelves)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 20, 2009, 07:58:02 pm
Summer 227Remember: Fire is only dangerous when you arent the one who started it (or when booze is around).
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Summer227.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/tantrums.png)
So Asmel the stonecrafter goes back down to the temple after getting real smashed on whip wine. She finishes off her other two kids, and now her husband the marksdwarf is throwing a tantrum! Come on be a man, get over it. Its just your kids.
The elves attack us this summer!
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1294-damnelves (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1294-damnelves)Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I should know. I'm a ghost.
Post by: Guy Montag on April 20, 2009, 09:01:40 pm
But her stranglehold on the populace is total, and she is actively repressing, in a multi-tiered effort on all fronts, all remotely potential malcontents. A military coup could be in order, but how loyal is her military and how do their leader's view her vision of Steelearthen? Who leads them? Where do their loyalties lie?
Post by: Eagle on April 21, 2009, 01:28:04 am
Also, can i get a dwarf? Name of Eagle, make him a miner thats antisocial and have him carve a little burrow for himself somewhere deep in the mines. Bonus points if he furnishes and decorates it all himself. Mad uber bonus points if he makes a small, independent cave over there.
If you dont have any miners to spare, just toss him in the military as an axedwarf.
Guy: Dammit, i was looking at your name for about five minutes before i realized that it was from Fahrenheit 451.
Thanks, and keep up the awesome story!
Post by: Lord Dullard on April 21, 2009, 03:38:12 am
Requesting an axedwarf. 'Dullard' works just fine.
Post by: Christes on April 21, 2009, 11:53:26 am
In the same way, this thread showcases the sadism of DF players.
Post by: Argonnek on April 21, 2009, 08:12:48 pm
dig out long, one wide tunnels
put a door at one end
place a useless peasant in there and starve them
line the tunnel with pressure plates and spikes
put food on the side opposite the peasant
open the door
8)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 21, 2009, 08:18:07 pm
I have an Idea for a dwarven8)murderrace track:
dig out long, one wide tunnels
put a door at one end
place a useless peasant in there and starve them
line the tunnel with pressure plates and spikes
put food on the side opposite the peasant
open the door
8)
Post by: ousire on April 21, 2009, 08:57:06 pm
8)I have an Idea for a dwarven8)murderrace track:
dig out long, one wide tunnels
put a door at one end
place a useless peasant in there and starve them
line the tunnel with pressure plates and spikes
put food on the side opposite the peasant
open the door
8)
Post by: Eagle on April 21, 2009, 09:22:23 pm
;D8)I have an Idea for a dwarven8)murderrace track:
dig out long, one wide tunnels
put a door at one end
place a useless peasant in there and starve them
line the tunnel with pressure plates and spikes
put food on the side opposite the peasant
open the door
8)
Post by: Lord Dullard on April 21, 2009, 09:47:07 pm
I have an Idea for a dwarvenmurderrace track:
dig out long, one wide tunnels
put a door at one end
place a useless peasant in there and starve them
line the tunnel with pressure plates and spikes
put food on the side opposite the peasant
open the door
8)
Hm...
This is good, but it's missing a basic precept of the racetrack. It needs competition to survive!
Make the pressure plates on the tracks trigger spikes/evil death machines/etc. on OTHER tracks. Whichever peasant moves his filthy ass first and fastest lives - the others get to suffer for their laziness!
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 21, 2009, 10:56:53 pm
8)I have an Idea for a dwarvenmurderrace track:
dig out long, one wide tunnels
put a door at one end
place a useless peasant in there and starve them
line the tunnel with pressure plates and spikes
put food on the side opposite the peasant
open the door
8)
Hm...
This is good, but it's missing a basic precept of the racetrack. It needs competition to survive!
Make the pressure plates on the tracks trigger spikes/evil death machines/etc. on OTHER tracks. Whichever peasant moves his filthy ass first and fastest lives - the others get to suffer for their laziness!
Post by: MrGimp on April 21, 2009, 11:23:26 pm
Argonnek - Your idea is pretty fucking awesome, and Lord Dullard's refinement is even more awesomer. I may just have to do that...
Guy Montag - Your analysis of the political situation is spot on! haha...good idea with a military coup. Realistically a General/Lord somewhere would probably want to see the random killing stopped....or to take control of it himself. Hmmmm......
Post by: MrGimp on April 21, 2009, 11:27:02 pm
It has been said that Boatmurdered shows how games can go to hell and Nist Akath shows how games can stall and become easy.
In the same way, this thread showcases the sadism of DF players.
Damn...to be mentioned alongside such esteemed literature as Boatmurdered and Nist Akath is an honor I cannot live up to! I shall have to add even more blood and murder!!!
Post by: MrGimp on April 22, 2009, 12:00:51 am
Chapter #8 - The Jewel of Life
(chapter is alternatively titled "Murder Kill Blood Dripping Fucking Death")
Urist felt called. She knew it was time. She could feel the Steelen one calling to her as never before. His power was even greater than before....she felt as if she was communing with him in a way beyond words....it was almost....orgasmic.
Yes....it was time....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterMinerNoMason.png)
There was a miner in the tunnel and a Butcher locked in his hovel with his kids. All were slowly rotting to death, their life essence being consumed by the almighty God of Jewels.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterButcherFamily.png)
The miner had thought he would become a Freemason upon completion of his craft. He was wrong. There were already plenty of Freemasons, and Urist didn't want a crowd as her inner circle. He knew too much, and had to die.
The Butcher had failed at his lever pulling duties. The moron wounded himself and went to recuperate. Urist had him locked up along with his children to prevent such idiocy from spreading like a plague.
As they slowly gave their lives to the Dyes of Brightness, Urist walked to the temple. When she arrived in the unfinished altar room, she dismissed the High Priest and Priestess, who had been meditating. When they were gone and the room sealed, she bowed before the altar. The voice of Ber Steelearthen, even louder than before, rang out at once.
"CHOSEN ONE!!!"
"Yes lord, I felt you calling me, it is great to be in your graces, lord! I was afraid I had displeased you!"
"No Chosen One, I am not displeased. You have given me eons, and I shall reward you with life everlasting so long as you serve me!"
"Yes my lord!!! Yes yes!!! Thank you my lord, I will kill for my immortality!"
"Chosen one, be careful. To cull the herd too much is to destroy it. Killing is a means to an end. Life has its place as well. Life must be cultivated before it can be harvested. That is your purpose, that is why you rule over the dwarven cattle."
"Yes, almighty one, I understand."
"No. You do not. You understand that I want to cultivate souls for their power, but you do not understand why they have any power to begin with. Sit, and I will teach you, for you must learn if you wish to follow me."
"Yes my lord," said Urist. She leaned back from her kneeling, and sat cross legged before the altar.
"I have been called many things over the eons, and you know me as Ber Steelearthen. I have been known to command many powers by the many dwarves who witnessed different aspects of my nature. The power you most associate with me in your time is the power over wealth and jewels. This is only partly correct, Chosen One. You must understand that I was once the God of Gods, a god of power. I still am a god of power, not just over petty jewelry. But power lives by the golden rule, that he who has the gold makes the rules...that is where your kind made the mistake that I am a God of wealth. No, I am god of all things, life and death. I am the God of the Jewel of Life. Do you know what the jewel of life is Chosen One?"
"No my lord...what is this jewel?"
"The jewel of life is blood itself, that which gives all life power...now you know how to better worship me. I will also teach you my real name, my timeless and eternal name that I was once called in your world...."
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Eagle on April 22, 2009, 12:09:20 am
Thanks for the dwarf. Epic storytelling as always.
Post by: Christes on April 22, 2009, 12:26:26 am
Post by: ousire on April 22, 2009, 12:34:53 am
Post by: Jackrabbit on April 22, 2009, 06:35:07 am
Hail Armok! God above all!
Spare my dude.....
Post by: Aldaris on April 22, 2009, 10:14:44 am
all hail Ber Steelearthen! all hail armok! blood for the blood god!Skulls for the merchant junk stockpiles, don't forget that one.
This is so epicly awesome. Maybe you should use red stone to pave a symbol on the temple floor that represents Armok's symbol in blood, I'm not sure about the symbol though, a pentagram is somewhat overused. Maybe the Necron symbol? Or just an eight pointed star without the 2 points next to the top one.
Code: [Select]
....|
..-----
.../|\
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 22, 2009, 11:30:35 am
Post by: mythmonster2 on April 22, 2009, 04:47:59 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 22, 2009, 06:16:24 pm
Post by: Guy Montag on April 22, 2009, 10:58:19 pm
I thought something was odd about a God of Jewels and Shiny Things ordering mass-murder like he was....
Post by: MrGimp on April 23, 2009, 12:47:45 pm
Thanks everyone for reading, and I'm glad you like it!
Aldaris - yeah I was thinking of some kind of designs and mosaics to put around the temple and fortress....and I do believe they need to be red cinnabar. haha
Oh and Eagle, what do you mean that blood is ABOUT to flood the fortress? Theres more dead dwarves here than Ive ever seen! :D Check out the catacombs of Blockedlance....this floor doesnt even include the nobles or the forum dwarves....this is just the peasants.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/catacombs.png)
And YES its entirely full....except for a few new coffins down in the lower right by the microcline. :P
Post by: MrGimp on April 23, 2009, 01:04:00 pm
Anybody got any clue how to fix it? Then I can get a map of the fortress up.
Post by: Aldaris on April 23, 2009, 02:03:41 pm
See that glitch in the screenshot above...look at the big room in the middle of the catacombs. Youll see what I mean. It erases a couple lines and smooshes it together. I tried exporting this image from DF three times and each time that same glitch came up. I'm guessing this is why I havent been able to get Blockedlance up on the map archive (it always returns a compression error). Is my map or my save bugged or something?No idea how to fix it, in fact, I have the same problem, only a bit worse. (http://mkv25.net/dfma/map-5409-pillarshot)
Anybody got any clue how to fix it? Then I can get a map of the fortress up.
If you find a way to fix it, please tell me. Anyway, how's the story coming along?
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 23, 2009, 03:34:56 pm
You have an insane queen who is a slave of armok, a temple of mad monks, myriad babykilling machines and a millenarian engineer of death.
Post by: Madmonkey24 on April 23, 2009, 05:09:03 pm
Post by: Christes on April 23, 2009, 05:16:54 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 23, 2009, 06:39:32 pm
But Urist dared not remember too much of the morality tales she had heard as a kid. Armok was always a metaphor for ultimate evil, and she dared not think bad thoughts about Armok, for fear that he might hear them. Besides, dwarves were stupid. Doing the opposite as everyone else was always a path to excellence. If everyone thought Armok was a demon, then damnit, he was the holiest loving God in the pantheon!
Even if he were evil, what did Urist care? The naive young 50 year old that had come to Blockedlance so many years ago had grown hard and bitter. Her beard had grown long, her brow wrinkled, her face pressed in a grimace. She was also in her mid 70s now, and was feeling the effects of her dwarven mid-life crisis. She was finding grey hairs in her beard, her gut was fat, her boobs were saggy, and when she drank too much sunshine, she sure as hell felt it the next day. She was aging. Time was a dirty son of a bitch. She would do anything to live forever...and all that was being asked of her was that she sacrifice other dwarves, inferior dwarves, dwarves without thought or feeling. They were the dwarven cattle after all, and Armok had to eat!
Armok had appeared to steel her resolve and teach her of his true nature. He had also ordered that the cult of Ber Steelearthen be segregated from the fortress, for only the cult of the Steelen One was already indoctrinated enough to accept the truth about Ber....not that they would be told just yet....if ever. Dwarves would be told on a need to know basis.
For now, Urist began building massive storerooms of booze and food beneath the temple and the palace, which would eventually be linked into one large complex which would be sealed off from the peasants and non-believers.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 23, 2009, 06:41:04 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 23, 2009, 06:58:15 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MasonShopSummer.png)
But at least the Eribite shop was doing worse. They had finally been run out of business and forced to sell their franchise at a huge loss.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/EribShopSummer.png)
HA HA!
Post by: MrGimp on April 23, 2009, 07:18:46 pm
Spring of 228. Urist has been living at Blockedlance for 24 years, and has been queen for 19.
Our engraver Jimm has been living in the junk cave for a while now. He is still not miserable.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterJimm.png)
Another three children die slow gruesome deaths this season.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringChildStarve.png)
You know what they say about death...the more miserable the better!
Speaking of miserable deaths...a migrant came this season.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringMigrant.png)
I've never gotten just one. That's pretty funny. This guys pretty funny too.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringMigrant2.png)
I know a little migrant that's gonna get impaled to death!
Post by: MrGimp on April 23, 2009, 07:19:50 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MonkeyArena1.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MonkeyArena2.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MonkeyArena3.png)
Post by: MrGimp on April 23, 2009, 11:48:03 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 24, 2009, 01:07:45 am
Reading this post without listening to this song at the same time is a heresy that is punishable by castration for males, and sex with me for females.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5zFsy9VIdM
PSYCHOKILLER!!!
Qu'est-ce que c'est?
Better run run run
Run run away!!!
Ever since the unofficial Captain of the Guard Jackrabbit Spireknife had died, Urist had been hounded by the Duchess and other nobles to get another one. Urist had refused, being worried that the Captain of the Guard would become a tool of the nobles to kill dwarves of their choosing. That ran the risk of nobles attacking Urist's Freemason's and elite warriors.
But Urist was communing deeply with Armok at this point, and in a manner more subtle than words, Urist came to understand that there was a great solution here. Donning the title of Captain of the Guard herself, Urist marched off to send as many dwarves to Armok as she could. Here is the list of everyone in the fortress who needs a beating...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UristBeatList.png)
So off she went, barefisted and ready to kick some ass.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UristBeating1.png)
The first dwarven kill in 24 years was exhilerating. She could feel herself consume the soul of the lesser being.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UristBeating2.png)
She wasnt even using a weapon, these dwarves heads just crumpled in like paper. Urist killed one of the Erib worshippers in the river garden, just because she could.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UristBeating3.png)
One of our convict champions managed to survive by the will of Armok. We shall watch the unfolding destiny of Eral Pagelashed with great interest.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UristBeating4.png)
Beat beat beat, kill kill kill....just another day at the office. Urist cut another dwarf down in the river garden. Again, no one dared say a word. (Notice all the unhappy red down arrows)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UristBowbeard.png)
One of the dwarves happened to get beat down right next to an open bed. Fortunately, they had already lost far too much blood and died anyways.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UristBeatMess.png)
She was done with her list....but whats this? There were another two beatings she hadnt noticed. Off she went...
Urist was consumed by a lust for blood she had never known. She was blinded by it, marching into the room of the next dwarf on her list without even realizing who it was and what the consequences would be. There was the Elder Scion of the House of Erib, Mayor of Blockedlance sleeping in his bed. With no mercy, and yet not exactly with rage either, she robotically and mechanically crushed the mans face in, then split his rib cage open with her bare hands. His family would find his guts pulled out and arranged in a lovely display.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UristBeating5.png)
Yes, Urist killed eleven dwarves that day, two of them Eribites. There was only one beating left now, for the High Priestess. Urist scoffed at such a ridiculous idea. Armok worshippers were above the law. She went back to her Queenly duties.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UristKills.png)
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 24, 2009, 12:35:41 pm
Try being over 1000.
Even if he were evil, what did Urist care? The naive young 50 year old that had come to Blockedlance so many years ago had grown hard and bitter. Her beard had grown long, her brow wrinkled, her face pressed in a grimace. She was also in her mid 70s now, and was feeling the effects of her dwarven mid-life crisis. She was finding grey hairs in her beard, her gut was fat, her boobs were saggy, and when she drank too much sunshine, she sure as hell felt it the next day. She was aging. Time was a dirty son of a bitch. She would do anything to live forever...and all that was being asked of her was that she sacrifice other dwarves, inferior dwarves, dwarves without thought or feeling. They were the dwarven cattle after all, and Armok had to eat!
Eternal youth is a bit far-fetched, but Mogror managed eternal old-age.
Post by: Christes on April 24, 2009, 02:04:33 pm
I see three legendaries. Are there any others?
Post by: Madmonkey24 on April 24, 2009, 06:16:58 pm
Also, murder is Dwarfy.
Post by: Eagle on April 24, 2009, 10:53:17 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 24, 2009, 11:02:08 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuK2A1ZqoWs (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AuK2A1ZqoWs)
And I mean figuratively, not by subject matter.
But then again, some of the phrases do fit Urist pretty well..
For people who are useless in figuring things out, read spoiler.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Oh, and I approve of your actions even as a ghost, Urist.
Keep up the good(?) work!
Post by: Guy Montag on April 24, 2009, 11:05:37 pm
Since all the cool kids on the forum are doing it, I'll have a dwarf, the permenant Captain of The Guard that is appointed after Urist's massacre.
I'll have an axe, mace or crossbow, and obviously, a loyalty to both the nobles, Urist, and Ber Steelearthen!
Post by: MrGimp on April 25, 2009, 03:44:08 am
Guy Montag - Sure Ill get you a dwarf.
Hey guess what I just realized right now while playing a little bit before I go to bed? That Eribite Farmer that Urist killed and left spread out on his bed was actually the elder male of the house. The wife has now taken his place as Mayor. I guess Ill have to re-write that last post just a tad....the Queen beating the Elder Eribite with her bare fists while he slept in his bed is a pretty big plot element. Im tired from all the sewer brew and rat weed Ive consumed tonight....Ill edit that post tomorrow.
In the meantime, check out the first page of this thread, I put a map up and the table of contents actually links to the chapters.
Post by: MrGimp on April 25, 2009, 03:03:12 pm
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1305-queenmurder1 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1305-queenmurder1)
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1306-queenmurder2 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1306-queenmurder2)
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1307-queenmurder3 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1307-queenmurder3)
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1308-queenmurder4 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1308-queenmurder4)
In scene three Christes witnesses the execution of a squadmate. So thats Lady Christes and Lord Bowbeard who have lost squadmates to Urist and watched it happen. There are a TON of red arrows all over! But, Ive seen that before and didnt get a tantrum spiral. :'(
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 25, 2009, 03:24:15 pm
Mogror Harbett has shuffled painfully in glee today.
Post by: MrGimp on April 27, 2009, 10:56:13 pm
But suddenly the mist condensed. Its formlessness gave way to form, and there was her beloved Tradanbattlan standing before her.
"He's here!" shouted Tradan's haunting visage. He was mostly transparent, and Christes started to become alarmed. However, Christes' excitement kept her from running.
"Tradan! Oh my god!" Christes tried to think of all she wanted to say. "I love you!"
"Stop! There's no time! He's here! He's eating my soul! I don't have much time left..." cried the ghost of Tradan.
"Who? Who's there?" asked Christes.
"Noooooooooooo!!!" Tradan shrieked.
Christes leapt from her bed. She was gasping deeply for breath. Oh...it was just a dream. She laid back down, wide awake now and thinking of Tradan. She had been under a lot of stress lately, having just witnessed Urist beat a squadmate to death with her bare hands. She was haunted by nightmares almost every evening now.
Post by: Christes on April 28, 2009, 11:21:49 am
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 29, 2009, 03:07:47 pm
Post by: Lord Dullard on April 29, 2009, 05:51:13 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 29, 2009, 10:37:38 pm
Hm. Could we be heading towards a showdown of the crazy dwarven women?That's pretty cool...?
Post by: Jarod Cain on April 29, 2009, 11:45:47 pm
Hm. Could we be heading towards a showdown of the crazy dwarven women?Link (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyhhFzE5O5U)
First think I thought of, specifically the music. :D
-J-
Post by: MrGimp on April 30, 2009, 10:25:39 am
"Report, Grand Master," said Urist.
Grand Master Myth of the Masons pulled his hood back, and spoke. "The House of Erib is in a panic, my lady. They dont know whether to leave this fortress and all their wealth and just try to save their lives, or if they should fight you and attempt to take this place for themselves."
"Hmph," snorted Urist. "There are 17 of their number, four have died already. Nearly one in four of the Hosue of Erib! Hahaha! Take this place for themselves? They will only find their graves!"
"Yes, my lady. Of course. But they still may try it. With the Elder Erib dead, the people have elected the matriarch of the House of Erib to be Mayor."
"The people? It was not the people who elected anything! These Eribs are a crafty lot...they wouldnt have any power at all if they depended on the people for it. No....after a decade of running our bureaucracy, they have rigged the election system. Their only possible fates in the long run are exile or execution. In the meantime, we will lie low. Let the blood dry. Keep an eye on these Eribites and dont let them make a move!"
"Yes my lady, as you wish." The Grand Master bowed and then left the great hall.
Post by: MrGimp on April 30, 2009, 10:43:25 am
"Delicious!" he shouted as he spread it on the toast and took a bite.
Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door. Mogror grabbed the bag of rat weed lying on his bed and tossed it in one of his cabinets, along with his tower cap pipe. "Who is it?" asked the old dwarf to stall for time.
"It's Wise Asmel, the Philosopher....open up!" cried the muffled voice from beyond the door.
"Ahhh....at last you come!" Mogror laughed as he shuffled towards the door and opened it. "Come, come....sit."
There were no chairs in the room.
"Um....thank you, but Ill stand. Please, mad dwarf....I believe you now!"
"Hmph....and many years it takes to see the light, eh?"
"No! I mean yes! I didnt want to believe you at first, though I knew in my heart it was true! But now there is no denying it! She really does worship Armok!!!" cried the scared philosopher.
"SHHHH!!!!" shushed Mogror as he hit the philosopher over the head with his crooked old cane. "Shut up you idiot! *sigh*....well now it is too late."
"What? Whats too late?"
"She has already summoned him." Mogror looked the philosopher dead in the eyes. "There is time for thinking, and time for action. You chose to think instead of act."
"No...it cant be! He can be sealed again right?"
"Hohoho! Why sure he could...but now you get to fight a full grown demon!"
Asmel gulped in terror. "How do we stop him now?"
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 30, 2009, 11:04:26 am
A once-leader turned maddwarf who committed slaughter on a massive scale, and ended up immortal.
Post by: MrGimp on April 30, 2009, 11:48:59 am
Personally I think it's probably a bad idea to enlist help from someone who has so many parallels with Urist.
A once-leader turned maddwarf who committed slaughter on a massive scale, and ended up immortal.
I cant give too much away. Suffice it to say you will like the outcome. ;)
So hey, how much backstory did you have for Olonkulet? Other than being a brass walled (domed?) mechanical city sealed away long ago? I was gonna write more about it, but I dont want to step all over your story if you already have one.
Post by: MrGimp on April 30, 2009, 12:04:30 pm
uh oh. I get the feeling that Christes will be short-lived now.
Whatever made you think she would be long-lived? :P
Post by: MrGimp on April 30, 2009, 12:19:17 pm
Here is a list of the Eribites. (Not all Erib worshippers are of the House of Erib, just this rich powerful family)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/HouseErib.png)
Urist was forced to build them a family tomb deep in the catacombs. They wanted to be buried like nobility! Ha! But what could Urist do? She could not provoke them further. She had beaten two Eribites to death under the guise of the law, they hadnt been singled out for death either...plenty had died. She had to keep up appearances that she wasnt hunting Eribites, even if the rare rational logical dwarf could easily put two and two together.
No....she would maintain the charade for now. She built them their tomb....but out of spite she carved it into microcline!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/HouseEribTombs.png)
(NOTE - Above the tacky blue tomb of Erib worshippers is the Duke's present resting place, the Duchess' future resting place, and the future resting place of the Duchess' son and four daughters.)
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on April 30, 2009, 12:30:48 pm
Personally I think it's probably a bad idea to enlist help from someone who has so many parallels with Urist.
A once-leader turned maddwarf who committed slaughter on a massive scale, and ended up immortal.
I cant give too much away. Suffice it to say you will like the outcome. ;)
So hey, how much backstory did you have for Olonkulet? Other than being a brass walled (domed?) mechanical city sealed away long ago? I was gonna write more about it, but I dont want to step all over your story if you already have one.
All the story I have for Olonkulet is pretty much all on this forum in scraps.
Feel free to build on it.
Post by: MrGimp on April 30, 2009, 02:46:19 pm
She tried to just lock herself in her palace and let herself be consumed by her work. She commenced meetings with representatives from the guilds to secure their loyalty.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/CookMeetingUristLockedIn.png)
In other news, Blockedlance is becoming a lot like how Urist remembered it from when she first came to this place. It was a bloody, rotten corpse laden, foul wretched pit then, and it was a bloody, rotten corpse laden, foul wretched pit now.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/StinkCave.png)
But the Queens murderous rampage and the stench that followed wasnt the scandal that the Freemason's chose to cover in their fortress newspapers. No, there was plenty of celebrity gossip to distract the masses with. In fact, the Duchess' daughter - the acting fortress trader - parades around NAKED!!! Egads!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/NakedNoble.png)
Rumors of addiction to the snorted ground powder of quarry bush leaves spread like wildfire. Yes, while the nation warred with far away goblins and elves, and while the government systematically wiped their ass with the citizen's rights and the peasants' lives, the Freemason's newspapers remained fixated on some spoiled rich brat's quarcaine addiction! It was a masterstroke of political douchebaggery.
Post by: MrGimp on April 30, 2009, 10:02:31 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/DullardTrance.png)
We won the battle that day, but at its end Bomrek Keskalbesmar was stricken by melancholy! Oh the sadness, darkness, and emptiness of it all! Bomrek kept singing sad songs on her Birchen guitar, songs like this one...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJeVXIrzLsY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JJeVXIrzLsY)
So who is Bomrek Keskalbesmar? She is Lord Legos lover!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Legoslove.png)
Her melancholy did not last long however. She flung herself into the cave river to escape the madness....errrr....the sadness.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ChampionDrown.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Suicide.png)
Lord Lego is beside himself with grief. Meanwhile our river is filling up with dwarf bones and other useless junk.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 30, 2009, 10:42:57 pm
IT'S THE CIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRCLE OF LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFE
IT'S DROWNED IN MAGMAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Post by: Aldaris on May 01, 2009, 05:48:02 am
*Whistle*
A-djust before you draw your terminal breath.
*Whistle*
That sounds fitting somehow.
And so does everything after that, actually.
'You'll see it's all a show, keep on laughing as you go.
Just remember that the last laugh is on you..'
Creepily well.
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 01, 2009, 05:51:24 am
Post by: MrGimp on May 01, 2009, 12:52:31 pm
I could try to find an Armok worshipping axe lord (dont hold your breath) and name him Lord Montague or something? If I ever do get a captain of the guard your guy will be on top of the list (unless hes dead by then).
Post by: MrGimp on May 01, 2009, 12:52:58 pm
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on May 01, 2009, 02:32:10 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 01, 2009, 04:32:04 pm
I like the smell of Miasma in the morning...
Smells like... Insanity
Post by: MrGimp on May 01, 2009, 08:23:53 pm
Well, a marksdwarf that had bashed up a bunch of things and was about to be beat down by the Queen decided instead to die by their own hand, like a warrior.
The marksdwarf threw himself from the bridge. Oh well. One less mouth to feed.
Why do these dwarves insist on dying in horrible fashions? I would just drink myself to death. Ive almost done it accidentally before, Im sure I could do it if I tried....especially if I was a dwarf. Why do they insist on drowning? Thats a horrible death!
I like the guys that try to jump...they provide me with the most entertaining deaths! Like my buddy Shorast here!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerSad.png)
The horrible pressures of life at Blockedlance (and they ARE horrible) got the best of this guy. So to escape the misery of life in the last outpost of your nation, on the edge of goblin territory, ruled over by a genocidal satan worshipping Queen, this guy Shorast jumps down the stairway. The only problem is that the stairway only provides a 2 z-level fall. Sure it cripples you, but you got to drag your mangled body back up two levels to go for the killer blow.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerJumper.png)
See, you can see the trail of blood going up the ramp. Its rare to see it as its happening, Ive lucked out a couple times and its pretty funny. This guy is a trooper.
Although...he is pretty dumb...there is afterall a 10 z-level tower in the southeast of our fortress with a hole in the fortifications JUST FOR SUICIDES! No ones ever used it. Jerks. You try to provide for em, and look at the thanks you get!
You can see the Duchess searching his corpse for any silk.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerBeatings1.png)
Anyways, Urist beat down another criminal who was too slow in killing themselves. She brought along the Human Guild Representative this time too, so she could show him what happens to people who dont buy our useless junk.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerBeatings2.png)
I think he understood the message. He vomitted after witnessing the mangled dwarf die as it attempted to drag itself to a bed.
Post by: MrGimp on May 01, 2009, 08:35:27 pm
I like the smell of Miasma in the morning...
Smells like... Insanity
There is definitely some of that in the air...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerCrazy.png)
You know whats even MORE insane? After the Elder Erib was dead and in the ground, here is Atis Athelkud with a damn BABY!!! Now THAT is some powerful man seed!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerEribKid.png)
I mean...how can you have a baby with a dead guy? Does she get pregnant from zombie spores released from the corpse? Is she some kind of insectoid egglaying queen with his DNA still stored in her thorax??? I mean whats the deal?
Now what am I gonna do with the Erib tomb? Argh! The chick has an odd number of babies!!!
At least there is ONE house of Erib worshippers I have destroyed! I have been picking this family off for a while. A bunch of them were locked deep in a cave with their mother a while back. This guy is the last survivor of this second House of Erib. He was born here at Blockedlance and he has just come of age.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerEribSurvivor.png)
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 01, 2009, 10:14:09 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 01, 2009, 10:21:38 pm
Lock him inside a one tile large room, with nothing he would need to survive for eons.Fixed for accuracy
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 02, 2009, 12:48:34 am
Post by: ousire on May 02, 2009, 12:53:59 am
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on May 02, 2009, 05:13:29 am
spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps spiketraps
Post by: Guy Montag on May 02, 2009, 10:35:09 am
There is something special about having the deranged Queen personally participate in the Dwarven Great Purges.
Post by: MrGimp on May 02, 2009, 01:11:47 pm
Sure, Axe Lord Montague sounds fine. Assuming there is anybody left, it certainly looks like Blocklances is circling the drain.
There is something special about having the deranged Queen personally participate in the Dwarven Great Purges.
Down the drain? Not until I outlast Nist Akath in dwarf years. haha Nist Akath is at 40, Im at 28 unless you only count since the reclaim, in which case Im at 24 dwarf years. So Ive got 12-16 years to go at a minimum before I can let these tortured dwarves rest forever.
Ill try to find an Ber/Armok worshipper for your guy, maybe I could make your guy captain of the Royal Guard? The House of Montague. Yeah, we need a house of Armok worshippers to balance out the Hosue of Erib!
Post by: MrGimp on May 02, 2009, 01:20:35 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnJimmDie.png)
Great...now who's going to pull the lever for the atom smasher? Arrrggghh!!!
As Jimm's dwarven body gave way to death, Grigrak seperated from it. Another vessel lost to Urist. Grigrak floated unconsciously about the fortress, wandering towards its next host.
In other news, one of our dwarves was sentenced to impalement on spikes. Somehow he managed to only lose an eye before running off the spikes and healing. That sure is a whole lot of blood for just one eye.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnWound.png)
The Eribite mayor has lost her mind along with the others. She has sentenced Urist to 26 days in prison for violation of some stupid production order.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnUristJail.png)
These Eribs love forcing Urists hand. How could she respond with anything but violent murder?
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 02, 2009, 02:02:04 pm
Post by: Guy Montag on May 02, 2009, 02:25:51 pm
Also, what the hell is Urist doing to all those stray animals?
Post by: Jim Groovester on May 02, 2009, 02:44:03 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 02, 2009, 04:02:04 pm
Also, what the hell is Urist doing to all those stray animals?
Dwarven sexuality is not for us to judge! ;D
Besides, it happened under duress long ago while the fortress was falling apart back during the first tantrum spiral. Queen Cog confronted her about it...I forget what page. Page 3 or 4??? It was early on.
Post by: Guy Montag on May 02, 2009, 04:48:59 pm
Better keep that stuff a state secret. Would'nt want that sort of nonsense end up in the fortress tabloids.
Post by: MrGimp on May 02, 2009, 05:02:01 pm
Ah, I forgot that she never actually got punished for that.
Better keep that stuff a state secret. Would'nt want that sort of nonsense end up in the fortress tabloids.
Oddly enough she never got punished for it and it eventually went away. She was supposed to get 126 days plus a beating. I think it took 15 years....but its some dwarven statute of limitations I guess.
Post by: MrGimp on May 02, 2009, 05:02:55 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring229.png)
Spring of 229. Urist has been at this fortress for 25 years. This year will also mark the twentieth anniversary of Urist's ascension to the throne. A grand spectacle was being planned, everyone knew it...but no one knew exactly what it was.
In the meantime, there were gladiatorial fights put on by MadMonkey24...
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1326-madmonkey24arenafight (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1326-madmonkey24arenafight)
It helped entertain the masses and remind them how awesome the fortress they lived in was. It also reminded them just how deadly the military that watched over them really was.
Even the elven magic juju wasnt powerful enough to make us flinch. They come against us with their fire and cannot even set our fortress abalze! They are cut down like screaming women and children.
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1327-bluebloodedelves (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1327-bluebloodedelves)
We also let down the drawbridge in the east to lure some elves into our cages. We capture quite a few. We have both goblins and elves now...I wonder who can kick whose ass?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringElves.png)
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 02, 2009, 06:49:23 pm
Post by: Aldaris on May 03, 2009, 02:45:54 pm
The elves will shoot fire at the gobbos, causing the booze to explode into boiling liquid all over everything near 'em, the gobbos are there becasue they are gobbos, and the caver river stuff is just to make it all that more... interesting.
Post by: MrGimp on May 03, 2009, 07:52:31 pm
Cave river creatures + water + Elves + Gobbos + Booze.
The elves will shoot fire at the gobbos, causing the booze to explode into boiling liquid all over everything near 'em, the gobbos are there becasue they are gobbos, and the caver river stuff is just to make it all that more... interesting.
I can (and probably will) do all of that except the cave creatures. Unfortunately I slaughtered them all. I was gonna breed them, plus giant eagles, but I ended up slaughtering every FPS draining object I didnt need.
But exploding booze is a must!
Post by: MrGimp on May 03, 2009, 07:59:13 pm
What side will your dwarf be on??? Death in the temple or death fighting Queen Urist? Choose now! (your dwarf may or may not die, no matter what your choice is. I guarantee nothing)
If you do not respond in time for 'the event' then your dwarf will be assumed to be among the traitors!!!
(Even if your dwarf isnt a military dwarf, vote anyways on whose side your dwarf is on)
Post by: Madmonkey24 on May 03, 2009, 08:03:07 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 03, 2009, 08:09:14 pm
Post by: Eagle on May 03, 2009, 08:13:03 pm
If i cant be neutral i side against the Queen.
Post by: MrGimp on May 03, 2009, 08:16:36 pm
Can i be neutral? Has my dwarf even done anything? I originally envisioned him as a sort of hermit, just living really far away from the main fort in a small area carved out himself, providing for himself.
If i cant be neutral i side against the Queen.
Yeah your dude just started carving out his cave above the fortress. Hes outside the walls. You even have your own farm. Your cave wont entirely be up and running for a while though.
Ill let you be neutral since youre a civilian. Military dwarves cannot be neutral!
And why so much anger towards the Queen? What has she ever done to hurt anybody? ;D
Post by: ousire on May 03, 2009, 08:22:20 pm
What has she ever don to hurt anybody? ;D
oh, i dont know. only enough bloodshed and evil that armok himself turned her into his friggen avatar on the world
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 03, 2009, 08:43:39 pm
Always.
Post by: Jim Groovester on May 03, 2009, 09:02:14 pm
Post by: ousire on May 03, 2009, 09:46:05 pm
(there needs to be, like, a bible for armok)
Post by: Christes on May 03, 2009, 10:25:44 pm
Death to the queen - or be reunited with her lover. Actually, it's win-win.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on May 04, 2009, 06:00:24 am
Can i be neutral? Has my dwarf even done anything? I originally envisioned him as a sort of hermit, just living really far away from the main fort in a small area carved out himself, providing for himself.
If i cant be neutral i side against the Queen.
Yeah your dude just started carving out his cave above the fortress. Hes outside the walls. You even have your own farm. Your cave wont entirely be up and running for a while though.
Ill let you be neutral since youre a civilian. Military dwarves cannot be neutral!
And why so much anger towards the Queen? What has she ever done to hurt anybody? ;D
Don't worry, Mogror probably admires you.
That's probably not a very good thing.
Post by: Argonnek on May 04, 2009, 11:08:46 am
Post by: mythmonster2 on May 04, 2009, 04:23:09 pm
*5 seconds later*
It is unanimous. The queen has no right to rule us. We, or at least I, will rebel, along with all the others who wish to stop our tyranny.
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 04, 2009, 05:54:43 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2009, 06:29:59 pm
Loyalist Heroes
MadMonkey24
Mogror Harbett (Mggarg Eater of Chicken)
Grigrak's Host (Jim Groovester)
Treacherous Jerks
Jazz (Jackrabbit)
Myth
Christes
Tradanbattlan's Ghost
Grigrak (Jim Groovester)
Neutrals
Eagle
We still have quite a few dwarves to hear from. Bowbeard, Lord Dullard, Hamdinger, Akigagak, LegoLord, Guy Montag (your guy will be in by the time of 'the event') and maybe some more I might be forgetting....
Theres still plenty of time. 'The event' wont happen for a while.
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2009, 06:34:12 pm
I've been pondering the movie about the most recent elf slaughter, and I have formulated a question: How did you make their blood blue?
Its in the creature entry in the raws. You can make it all kinds of colors, or black ooze or even vomit for blood. I made my kobolds bleed yellow pus. Look on the dwarf wiki for all the acceptable colors and for all the acceptable tags. Just go to the wiki and search 'creature tokens'. Youll be able to find everything you want there.
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2009, 06:41:20 pm
I cant believe it! That Eribite Heir bought his shop back!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringMasonShops.png)
Meanwhile the Freemasons have already folded up shop and taken their losses. Queen Urist had both shops bulldozed and the owners compensated for their loss with a middle finger.
Post by: Jim Groovester on May 04, 2009, 06:44:59 pm
Okay so we got...
Loyalist Heroes
.
.
.
Grigrak's Host
Trecherous Jerks
.
.
.
Grigrak
I hope Grigrak's current incarnation suffers lots of internal strife from this duality. Supporting Queen Urist on an intellectual and emotional level while subconsciously simultaneously fearing and loathing her.
Speaking of Grigrak, do you have a new incarnation in mind, or do you want me to give some input on his next life?
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 04, 2009, 06:46:16 pm
Okay so we got...
Loyalist Heroes
MadMonkey24
Mogror Harbett
Grigrak's Host
Trecherous Jerks
Jazz
Myth
Christes
Tradanbattlan's Ghost
Grigrak
Neutrals
Eagle
We still have quite a few dwarves to hear from. Bowbeard, Lord Dullard, Hamdinger, Akigagak, LegoLord, Guy Montag (your guy will be in by the time of 'the event') and maybe some more I might be forgetting....
Theres still plenty of time. 'The event' wont happen for a while.
You forgot me, a trecherous jerk
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 04, 2009, 06:58:31 pm
Okay so we got...Sure, I dont approve of Urist's actions, but I do not want to oppose them.
Loyalist Heroes
MadMonkey24
Mogror Harbett
Grigrak's Host
Trecherous Jerks
Jazz
Myth
Christes
Tradanbattlan's Ghost
Grigrak
Neutrals
Eagle
We still have quite a few dwarves to hear from. Bowbeard, Lord Dullard, Hamdinger, Akigagak, LegoLord, Guy Montag (your guy will be in by the time of 'the event') and maybe some more I might be forgetting....
Theres still plenty of time. 'The event' wont happen for a while.
I guess you could call it neutral, but leaning towards Christes' descision.
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2009, 07:04:43 pm
Okay so we got...
Loyalist Heroes
MadMonkey24
Mogror Harbett
Grigrak's Host
Trecherous Jerks
Jazz
Myth
Christes
Tradanbattlan's Ghost
Grigrak
Neutrals
Eagle
We still have quite a few dwarves to hear from. Bowbeard, Lord Dullard, Hamdinger, Akigagak, LegoLord, Guy Montag (your guy will be in by the time of 'the event') and maybe some more I might be forgetting....
Theres still plenty of time. 'The event' wont happen for a while.
You forgot me, a trecherous jerk
Youre there, your dwarf is Jazz remember? I put everyone by dwarf name not forum name.
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 04, 2009, 07:08:23 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2009, 07:09:06 pm
I hope Grigrak's current incarnation suffers lots of internal strife from this duality. Supporting Queen Urist on an intellectual and emotional level while subconsciously simultaneously fearing and loathing her.
Speaking of Grigrak, do you have a new incarnation in mind, or do you want me to give some input on his next life?
There was one quick incarnation and then death I had in mind, feel free to pick the one after that...that will be your host for the duration of 'the event'.
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2009, 07:17:20 pm
Sure, I dont approve of Urist's actions, but I do not want to oppose them.
I guess you could call it neutral, but leaning towards Christes' descision.
Well you at least have to oppose Armok, cuz he's eating your soul...and opposing Armok means opposing Urist. :)
Besides, youre a ghost, she cant hurt you now!
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 04, 2009, 07:34:18 pm
*ghostly shrug*Sure, I dont approve of Urist's actions, but I do not want to oppose them.
I guess you could call it neutral, but leaning towards Christes' descision.
Well you at least have to oppose Armok, cuz he's eating your soul...and opposing Armok means opposing Urist. :)
Besides, youre a ghost, she cant hurt you now!
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2009, 09:20:06 pm
Lady Christes had become the reluctant ambassador to the other commanders, advocating a military coup. Her haunting nightmares and the loss of a lover and several friends in the name of Urist's mad scheme had finally forced her to betray her old loyalties and sense of duty. She went to Lord Akigagak, Lord Bowbeard, Lord, Dullard and Lord Lego and pleaded her case. She received mixed results, and the lords went their seperate ways. Only time would tell if her words bore any fruit.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 04, 2009, 09:27:08 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2009, 09:34:39 pm
But other matters kept grabbing her attention. There was treachery afoot! One of the Freemasons had been caught carrying an encrypted note. He would not talk, even upon pain of torture. He was left to starve in the arena.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringMasonDeath.png)
(actually he built the floodgate wrong and I forgot about him....but its better this way)
Queen Urist's paranoid brain fixated upon possible accomplices that this note was intended for. Most of her suspiscions pointed towards the military. She began to understand why Armok was asking her to turn the palace and temple into a fortified bunker! The food stockpiles were filled, the steel gates being put into place, and housing for all the Armok worshippers was being carved out. The Housing for the Hammerer's quarters was placed next to new additions to the Temple's sacrifice methods.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerTemple.png)
Also, we locked a couple non-believers up in our drainage tunnels for having too many kids. Non-believers arent allowed to do that.
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2009, 09:48:21 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnKidCrazyCarverDead.png)
A kid goes crazy and Urist strikes down a bone carver. Hey she didnt MEAN to kill him, she was just doing her job as captain of the guard. She just got a little carried away is all, and what do you expect? She was angry...these damn Eribites had found the sweaty hairy balls to order Queen Urist beaten!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnUristCrime.png)
This was nothing short of open rebellion...and soon this rebellion would be taken care of. These Erib worshippers would learn their place, come hell or high water!!!
Urist worried how many dwarves would become emboldened by the Eribite mayors actions. Urist was especially concerned about the military, for they had all the weapons.
But at least some things at Blockedlance never changed, and could provide calm moments amid the storm of chaos that swirled around this place...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnTrade.png)
Post by: Lord Dullard on May 04, 2009, 10:54:24 pm
I will side with the Queen, sniffing out and terminating any would-be do-gooders who would try to depose our rightful ruler!
And in case you're wondering, Dullard looks like this:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
;D
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 04, 2009, 11:17:20 pm
Ah, cool, I whupped some arse!You are most possibly the most awesome dude this side of the BADASS
I will side with the Queen, sniffing out and terminating any would-be do-gooders who would try to depose our rightful ruler!
And in case you're wondering, Dullard looks like this:Spoiler (click to show/hide)
;D
Besides me, of course
Post by: Jarod Cain on May 04, 2009, 11:34:33 pm
-J-
Post by: Aldaris on May 05, 2009, 07:41:06 am
Shame you don't have any magma sources here other than the finite amount of it in the pits. A liberal application of it would be fitting. Ah, well just make a giant stone hand sticking out of the ground in the shape of a fist with a raised middle finger. covered in the blood of the elven tree-huggers and Eribite menace.
Post by: Jim Groovester on May 05, 2009, 06:23:06 pm
I hope Grigrak's current incarnation suffers lots of internal strife from this duality. Supporting Queen Urist on an intellectual and emotional level while subconsciously simultaneously fearing and loathing her.
Speaking of Grigrak, do you have a new incarnation in mind, or do you want me to give some input on his next life?
There was one quick incarnation and then death I had in mind, feel free to pick the one after that...that will be your host for the duration of 'the event'.
Herrrm, this will be interesting. How about this?
Name: Eberdek
Gender: Either.
Profession: Queen Urist's loyal food taster.
Description: One would expect Queen Urist's food taster would have a short life, what with her many enemies. However, Grigrak's incarnations can only be killed by Queen Urist herself, not by anyone else who would want her dead. Therefore, Eberdek suffers all the ill effects of all the poisons in Queen Urist's food, save death. It is a horrible, miserable existence.
Feel free to alter the details as you see fit. I'll leave how Eberdek dies up to you, though I hope that it silly and pointless.
Post by: Labs on May 06, 2009, 07:49:14 pm
Name:Labs
Occupation:Marksdwarf(If possible)
Gender:Preferrably male but I'm not picky
I'm with the coup!!!
Post by: Argonnek on May 06, 2009, 09:54:27 pm
Name: Argonnek
Profession: Some sort of craftsdwarf, preferably a clothesmaker
Gender: unimportant
Affiliation: I support my Queen!
If I must be recruited when the "Event" happens then I will proudly serve in the military
Post by: mythmonster2 on May 07, 2009, 04:35:26 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 07, 2009, 10:20:53 pm
Post by: Christes on May 07, 2009, 11:38:24 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 07, 2009, 11:39:50 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 09, 2009, 07:29:45 pm
Loyalist Heroes
MadMonkey24
Mogror Harbett (Mggarg Eater of Chicken)
Grigrak's Host (Jim Groovester)
Lord Dullard
Argonnek
Treacherous Jerks
Jazz (Jackrabbit)
Myth
Christes
Tradanbattlan's Ghost
Grigrak (Jim Groovester)
Labs
Neutrals
Eagle
Steve
Aldaris (Ill add you in after 'the event')
We still have Bowbeard, Hamdinger, Akigagak, LegoLord, Guy Montag (your guy will be in by the time of 'the event') to hear from...
Since Hamdinger and Lord Montague worship Armok, Ill default them to the Queen's side if I dont hear from you guys in time. I wouldnt want to lose one of Armok's precious slaves.
Post by: MrGimp on May 09, 2009, 07:32:02 pm
One question: How will you be doing this? Just use a program to turn all those dwarves that revolt into enemies?
I dont really know how Im going to do it actually...I dont really plan things...things just kinda happen as I go.
Well...I have some ideas. Im definitely going to try and provoke a bunch of dwarves. :P
Post by: MrGimp on May 09, 2009, 07:52:04 pm
Jazz was suspiscious of other dwarves, especially Queen Urist's military, and would not fight with them. He knew the Queen's sadistic hand had brought this suffering upon his family. She had left Captain Jack to burn out in the fields so that she could remove a great warrior who might oppose her...Jazz had always known this. But he would bide his time and hone his combat skills for now.
When the sieges would come, Jazz would march out by himself and go into berserkerkrang, the trance of a warrior!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnJazzTrance.png)
The goblins were brutally and mercilessly cut down, and Jazz returned to his station.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnJazzGuard.png)
During this most recent siege, the goblins threw themselves against the eastern ramparts. Now we have more goblins and beak dogs for arena torture. Huzzah!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnGoblinsCaged.png)
One of the goblins also fell in the moat and drowned. Good. Im glad his death was slow. It gave him time to think about what he did.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnGoblinDrown.png)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 09, 2009, 08:09:25 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 09, 2009, 08:18:34 pm
"Just get it done or Ill send you up there to live with the low browed, knuckle dragging mouth breathers!!!" threatened the Queen.
"Yes, your majesty...I'm sorry I dropped my papers, your majesty," he said as he fell to the ground and began collecting the parchments. He grabbed them quickly, crumpling many of them up, then hurried from the room.
The Queen was under a lot of pressure lately. With the planning for her 20th anniversary celebration dragging on into winter, she was beginning to worry that her plans would end in failure. Just then, Mogror Harbett shuffled into the throne room.
"Ah! Wise dwarf, I was expecting to see you earlier," remarked the Queen coldly.
"Yes your majesty....sorry your majesty....but it is done...." mumbled the old dwarf as he hobbled towards the Queen.
The Queen's face went pale. She hadn't really wanted to believe it. "Take me to him."
Mogror stopped, and turned around, then began dragging his body back the way he had come. "Yes your majesty..."
Post by: MrGimp on May 09, 2009, 08:41:41 pm
Mogror had told him of a great turtle shell idol of Armok that was the source of Armok's power in the fortress. Asmel would retrieve it, and the Queen's madness would be stopped.
Just then he heard something. He jumped back around like lightning. It was just Mogror.
"Oh, it's just you." Asmel sighed. "Wait...what are you doing here? Why arren't you talking to the Queen?"
Just then the Queen stepped into the room behind Mogror. Asmel fought the urge to vomit. He lost.
The Queen was heartbroken, she had awkwardly tried to love Asmel, even though she was a loveless bitch. She was unable to befriend anyone since the days before Blockedlance, since the days before she became Queen. There had been a brief moment where she and Asmel had connected...but niow here he was trying to destroy her God, ruin her chances at immortality, and kill her. She was lost for words.
"My queen....Im not trying to steal anything....I....I just wanted to play these two rose quartz harps you got here...."
"Shut up Asmel! I know what your plan here was!"
Asmel gulped.
"Mogror was setting you up the entire time, proving his loyalty. I reward loyalty. In fact, Mogror, you are going to live with one of the Duchess' naked daughters from now on."
"Oh yes youre majesty!" said Mogror as he nearly choked with excitement. His heartrate jumped through the roof, he felt as he had never felt in centuries, what with women not liking old crazy guys and all.
"As for YOU traitor....I have a special fate in mind. You have left me dead inside....and so shall I leave you. The celebrations of my Queenship are about to begin, and the blood is going to be on YOUR hands. You will watch them suffer!"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterPullLever.png)
Post by: MrGimp on May 09, 2009, 08:51:34 pm
It was checkmate.
Atis lead the group down the hallway and around the corner......but when they got to the doors of the cave river garden, they were found to be sealed by great steel slabs.
"What in the seventy two blazes???" cried Atis. The dwarves looked around for a lever, or switch. There was nothing. A loud slam was heard down the hallway. Atis rushed back to see that steel slabs were now sealing off her only exits from the peasant quarters.
Fuck.
There was a loud metal clang, and then the sound of rushing water. The dwarves began looking at each other with bewildered faces. Atis knew the jig was up.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterDrown1.png)
Suddenly torrents of water poured from the ceiling. The panicked dwarves scattered in all directions...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterDrown2.png)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 09, 2009, 09:02:07 pm
Oh what's becoming of meeeeee
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 09, 2009, 09:35:37 pm
Post by: Christes on May 09, 2009, 10:23:35 pm
One question: How will you be doing this? Just use a program to turn all those dwarves that revolt into enemies?
I dont really know how Im going to do it actually...I dont really plan things...things just kinda happen as I go.
Well...I have some ideas. Im definitely going to try and provoke a bunch of dwarves. :P
Well the problem with making them go crazy is that they'll fight each other if they fight at all. For an organized revolt, the best idea is to to set them as enemies and let the fun unfold (maybe locking the neutral ones somewhere safe at the same time). Ultimately your call, of course.
Post by: MrGimp on May 09, 2009, 10:37:38 pm
One question: How will you be doing this? Just use a program to turn all those dwarves that revolt into enemies?
I dont really know how Im going to do it actually...I dont really plan things...things just kinda happen as I go.
Well...I have some ideas. Im definitely going to try and provoke a bunch of dwarves. :P
Well the problem with making them go crazy is that they'll fight each other if they fight at all. For an organized revolt, the best idea is to to set them as enemies and let the fun unfold (maybe locking the neutral ones somewhere safe at the same time). Ultimately your call, of course.
How do I do that? Dwarf Companion?
Post by: Christes on May 09, 2009, 11:45:52 pm
Post by: Eagle on May 10, 2009, 12:52:13 am
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 01:36:36 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Eagle.png)
But where would he go? There were no outposts of the Ageless Matched Lashes beyond Blockedlance anymore. Letterclose was a ruined junkheap. The other nearby dwarven civilization was not very friendly to the Ageless Matched Lashes, and was cbarely clinging to existence in any event. Eagle would have to travel far to the north to find a safe mountain home....that was a journey he would not likely survive.
Eagle had often peered up at the great mountains that rose above the fortress. He had heard the stories of the Spirit of Fire that had lived up in the hills above Blockedlance for a year before being killed by Urist's guards.
Eagle decided to carve out a little Eagle perch as high in the mountain as he could go. Only the temple and the southeast tower were higher up than his home.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Eaglesperch.png)
The entrance to Eagles cave was windy, and he planned on setting it with a multitude of traps.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Eaglesperch2.png)
You can see some beak dogs charging down the hill at our great fortress in that pic. haha Mangy hounds.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Eaglesperch3.png)
The stairway then lead 5 levels or so down into the sandy soil below, where eagle would plant a crop of plump helmets once a year to make food and booze out of.
Post by: Christes on May 10, 2009, 01:51:32 am
By the way, how's Christes doing? What deity does she worship anyway?
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 10, 2009, 02:05:20 am
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 02:20:44 am
So Christes, you know how you were asking how your dwarf was doing? Yeah um....well....I guess shes doing better now than she was before. Erm....she kinda was feeling bummed recently. She...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ChristesSad.png)
I guess she was tormented by those dreams of Tradan and the conflict between her sense of duty, and her desire to see a sane monarch placed upon the throne. Plus the no booze in the military thing didnt help.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ChristesGod.png)
Anyways, you worshipped Lebes the Legendary Crypt, God of duty and suicide....which is good cuz you just threw yourself in the moat.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ChristesDead.png)
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 10, 2009, 02:31:09 am
Post by: RavingManiac on May 10, 2009, 03:25:08 am
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on May 10, 2009, 06:32:47 am
That's actually kind of creepy.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 10, 2009, 09:40:25 am
Post by: Eagle on May 10, 2009, 01:23:32 pm
We do have a river right? Ive got to get a channel going over to my farm, so i can have some water and a well. Then i need to steal things from the stockpiles to furnish and improve my hideout. Mwuahahaha!
Post by: Christes on May 10, 2009, 02:13:43 pm
Does Christes have any family left?
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 02:25:00 pm
Alright, i have no idea how to have a controlled breakdown using DC. I made one of my guys a zombie, and everyone attacked him, but then other people started dying for no reason. Doesnt seem like what you're looking for.
We do have a river right? Ive got to get a channel going over to my farm, so i can have some water and a well. Then i need to steal things from the stockpiles to furnish and improve my hideout. Mwuahahaha!
You will live in a stark cave and drink booze and you will be thankful for the opportunity!!!
ahem.....uhhh....sorry, I thought I was Urist there for a minute. Uhhh....well, I wasnt gonna give you a well....but I guess I could....though I dont know why you would want one when you have godwater - I mean booze.
Im gonna have to lay down the [SHAME] and [GUILT] tags right now though Eagle. See how in the picture those goblins are right there by those dwarves helping you furnish your cave? Well theyre all trapped and they all keep dying. I wouldnt normally save scum for any measly dwarves, even forum dwarves...unless the death was really lame and stupid....but the problem is that the Clerk is one of the dwarves helping you out and I had an even match of breedable male and female Armok worshippers until now. Arrggghhh!!!
I tried to get Dwarf Companion to work so I could save him. No luck. Could never get Tweak to work either.
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 02:34:57 pm
Did you intentionally give Christes a breakdown, or did it just happen? You can't have much of a revolution if you kill the revolters off first :P
Does Christes have any family left?
No family. And completely unintentional. I am a believer in letting things happen the way they happen. Hell, even writing this story in the first place was an accident. My dwarves all died except one named Urist so I figured it was my responsibility to tell the tale. It wasnt planned at all.
I only plot the basic gist of the story in my head. But changes are made as I go. So since Christes had already mentioned her plans to the other military leaders, her death will simply spur one of them to take charge. I suppose itll be Jazz. Or Myth. He is the Grand Master Mason afterall.
Atis Athelkud has also organized some of the military....though she wont be around to actually carry her plans out. Speaking of which...lets check in on Atis....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterDrown3.png)
Seems like theyre all hiding in the back of a corridor as far away from the waves as they can get huh?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterDrown4.png)
Well so how you holding up Atis?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterDrown5.png)
Youre thirsty? What? Theres water all around!
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 10, 2009, 02:37:21 pm
Water water everywhere and not a drop to drink
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 02:41:32 pm
Booosh, Mogror scores!
That's actually kind of creepy.
Well I have to make the Armok/Ber Steelearthen worshippers breed. And even the Duchess' oldest daughter is only like 15 or 16. But hey, theres nothing wrong with a 1200 year old hooking up with a 16 year old. Love is blind.
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 10, 2009, 02:42:45 pm
Post by: Eagle on May 10, 2009, 02:48:41 pm
Alright, i have no idea how to have a controlled breakdown using DC. I made one of my guys a zombie, and everyone attacked him, but then other people started dying for no reason. Doesnt seem like what you're looking for.
We do have a river right? Ive got to get a channel going over to my farm, so i can have some water and a well. Then i need to steal things from the stockpiles to furnish and improve my hideout. Mwuahahaha!
You will live in a stark cave and drink booze and you will be thankful for the opportunity!!!
ahem.....uhhh....sorry, I thought I was Urist there for a minute. Uhhh....well, I wasnt gonna give you a well....but I guess I could....though I dont know why you would want one when you have godwater - I mean booze.
Im gonna have to lay down the [SHAME] and [GUILT] tags right now though Eagle. See how in the picture those goblins are right there by those dwarves helping you furnish your cave? Well theyre all trapped and they all keep dying. I wouldnt normally save scum for any measly dwarves, even forum dwarves...unless the death was really lame and stupid....but the problem is that the Clerk is one of the dwarves helping you out and I had an even match of breedable male and female Armok worshippers until now. Arrggghhh!!!
I tried to get Dwarf Companion to work so I could save him. No luck. Could never get Tweak to work either.
NOOOOOOO!!! So i died eh? Dammit, my dwarves always die before anything interesting happens to them.
I wanted to have a well specifically to hold off siege. Gotta ration plants for both eating and brewing in a siege.
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 02:53:05 pm
Alright, i have no idea how to have a controlled breakdown using DC. I made one of my guys a zombie, and everyone attacked him, but then other people started dying for no reason. Doesnt seem like what you're looking for.
We do have a river right? Ive got to get a channel going over to my farm, so i can have some water and a well. Then i need to steal things from the stockpiles to furnish and improve my hideout. Mwuahahaha!
You will live in a stark cave and drink booze and you will be thankful for the opportunity!!!
ahem.....uhhh....sorry, I thought I was Urist there for a minute. Uhhh....well, I wasnt gonna give you a well....but I guess I could....though I dont know why you would want one when you have godwater - I mean booze.
Im gonna have to lay down the [SHAME] and [GUILT] tags right now though Eagle. See how in the picture those goblins are right there by those dwarves helping you furnish your cave? Well theyre all trapped and they all keep dying. I wouldnt normally save scum for any measly dwarves, even forum dwarves...unless the death was really lame and stupid....but the problem is that the Clerk is one of the dwarves helping you out and I had an even match of breedable male and female Armok worshippers until now. Arrggghhh!!!
I tried to get Dwarf Companion to work so I could save him. No luck. Could never get Tweak to work either.
NOOOOOOO!!! So i died eh? Dammit, my dwarves always die before anything interesting happens to them.
I wanted to have a well specifically to hold off siege. Gotta ration plants for both eating and brewing in a siege.
Nah youre not dead! Just the clerk and a bunch of peasants are. YOU are safely inside the cave with the door locked and one of the Duchess' daughters on your lap (thats just the way the dices rolled).
Oh and youll have PLENTY of booze and food. 12 farm squares for 1 dwarf is a lot.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 10, 2009, 02:55:23 pm
While I'm just up in dwarven heaven with mah honey
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 03:01:40 pm
I request a dwarf by the name of Ravus Maniacus, and that he be a mechanic.
Sure Ill get you a dwarf but none of the mechanics worship Ber.
Just a warning.
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 03:15:46 pm
"CHRISTES!!! Are you awake???" It was Tradan's familiar voice.
"Ugh" she mumbled. She turned around and saw her dead lover floating in the white oblivion next to her.
"CHRISTES!!!!" shouted Tradan as he leapt at her and hugged her. She hugged him back as she became more aware of what was going on.
"Wait....what is this place....where are we?" asked Christes.
"We're dead."
"Well....wheres all the other dead dwarves then?"
"I dont know....I figured that everyone just floated by themselves until you came. THANK THE GODS you came! Ive been here for....well....I dont really know how long. Feels like years."
"It has been years..." said Christes as she hugged Tradan again. "So I guess we're trapped here forever huh?"
"No, not forever....when I first got here some guy called Armok told me that my soul would slowly be consumed over the course of 10,000 years, and then I would cease to exist. He comes by to torture me every now again...but I havent seen him in a while."
"Great." said Christes. Hopelessness quickly set in as she floated along. Tradan was watching her intently.
"Say uhhh...honey? Theres not really anything to do here.....uhhhh....and as you can see not any clothes....sooo....you wanna bump uglies for the next ten thousand years?"
Christes sighed. "Sure, I guess."
Post by: Eagle on May 10, 2009, 03:21:22 pm
Alright, i have no idea how to have a controlled breakdown using DC. I made one of my guys a zombie, and everyone attacked him, but then other people started dying for no reason. Doesnt seem like what you're looking for.
We do have a river right? Ive got to get a channel going over to my farm, so i can have some water and a well. Then i need to steal things from the stockpiles to furnish and improve my hideout. Mwuahahaha!
You will live in a stark cave and drink booze and you will be thankful for the opportunity!!!
ahem.....uhhh....sorry, I thought I was Urist there for a minute. Uhhh....well, I wasnt gonna give you a well....but I guess I could....though I dont know why you would want one when you have godwater - I mean booze.
Im gonna have to lay down the [SHAME] and [GUILT] tags right now though Eagle. See how in the picture those goblins are right there by those dwarves helping you furnish your cave? Well theyre all trapped and they all keep dying. I wouldnt normally save scum for any measly dwarves, even forum dwarves...unless the death was really lame and stupid....but the problem is that the Clerk is one of the dwarves helping you out and I had an even match of breedable male and female Armok worshippers until now. Arrggghhh!!!
I tried to get Dwarf Companion to work so I could save him. No luck. Could never get Tweak to work either.
NOOOOOOO!!! So i died eh? Dammit, my dwarves always die before anything interesting happens to them.
I wanted to have a well specifically to hold off siege. Gotta ration plants for both eating and brewing in a siege.
Nah youre not dead! Just the clerk and a bunch of peasants are. YOU are safely inside the cave with the door locked and one of the Duchess' daughters on your lap (thats just the way the dices rolled).
Oh and youll have PLENTY of booze and food. 12 farm squares for 1 dwarf is a lot.
O_O Damn, my god is awesome. Luck and gambling FTW! Oh, and which of the daughters do i have? Hope shes at least of age.... >_>
Damn, this story's randomness is amazing.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 10, 2009, 04:39:46 pm
Christes slowly awoke from the heavy bliss that had fallen over her. There was white light all around. She was floating in it. There was nothing at all but emptiness.Beautiful.
"CHRISTES!!! Are you awake???" It was Tradan's familiar voice.
"Ugh" she mumbled. She turned around and saw her dead lover floating in the white oblivion next to her.
"CHRISTES!!!!" shouted Tradan as he leapt at her and hugged her. She hugged him back and she became more aware of what was going on.
"Wait....what is this place....where are we?" asked Christes.
"We're dead."
"Well....wheres all the other dead dwarves then?"
"I dont know....I figured that everyone just floated by themselves until you came. THANK THE GODS you came! Ive been here for....well....I dont really know how long. Feels like years."
"It has been years..." said Christes as she hugged Tradan again. "So I guess we're trapped here forever huh?"
"No, not forever....when I first got here some guy called Armok told me that my soul would slowly be consumed over the course of 10,000 years, and then I would cease to exist. He comes by to torture me every now again...but I havent seen him in a while."
"Great." said Christes. Hopelessness quickly set in as she floated along. Tradan was watching her intently.
"Say uhhh...honey? Theres not really anything to do here.....uhhhh....and as you can see not any clothes....sooo....you wanna bump uglies for the next ten thousand years?"
Christes sighed. "Sure, I guess."
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 10, 2009, 05:05:26 pm
Post by: Christes on May 10, 2009, 06:51:58 pm
Christes slowly awoke from the heavy bliss that had fallen over her. There was white light all around. She was floating in it. There was nothing at all but emptiness.
"CHRISTES!!! Are you awake???" It was Tradan's familiar voice.
"Ugh" she mumbled. She turned around and saw her dead lover floating in the white oblivion next to her.
"CHRISTES!!!!" shouted Tradan as he leapt at her and hugged her. She hugged him back and she became more aware of what was going on.
"Wait....what is this place....where are we?" asked Christes.
"We're dead."
"Well....wheres all the other dead dwarves then?"
"I dont know....I figured that everyone just floated by themselves until you came. THANK THE GODS you came! Ive been here for....well....I dont really know how long. Feels like years."
"It has been years..." said Christes as she hugged Tradan again. "So I guess we're trapped here forever huh?"
"No, not forever....when I first got here some guy called Armok told me that my soul would slowly be consumed over the course of 10,000 years, and then I would cease to exist. He comes by to torture me every now again...but I havent seen him in a while."
"Great." said Christes. Hopelessness quickly set in as she floated along. Tradan was watching her intently.
"Say uhhh...honey? Theres not really anything to do here.....uhhhh....and as you can see not any clothes....sooo....you wanna bump uglies for the next ten thousand years?"
Christes sighed. "Sure, I guess."
bumping uglies...
You know, that's probably the best description of dwarven sex I've heard.
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 08:42:35 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring230.png)
First the population was up to 234, then dropped to 160 something. Then it went back up to 190 something, now here it is crashing again. Already there are only 159 dwarves left.
Fortress wealth still sits stubbornly below 7 million.
Heres some of the recently requested dwarves.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/montague.png)
There is Lord Montague, one of the Master Masons and second in command only to Myth Kediden. Lord Montague had come to be at the front of the chaos in Blockedlance when he had stepped forward to Queen Urist and tipped her off to the Grand Master's involvement with Atis Athelkud. It was Lord Montague that had provided Queen Urist the information she needed to thwart the Eribite coup. He is a morose and dark fellow...and sometimes impulsive. He is cynical and trusts no one other than the Queen which gives him power.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Argonnek.png)
There is also our Tanner of Armok, Argonnek Bodiceassaults. I love the last name...I suppose she is lesbian then? Or just likes boobs? Anyways....Argonnek is also dark, morose, and untrusting. Thus she will become a proper follower of Armok. She is already a faithful worshipper of Ber Steelearthen, which is better than just being a regular worshipper, you know?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Labs.png)
Last but not least is Lord Labs Taxclasps, the Door of Basements. Though he does not worship Armok he is a rare champion marksdwarf leading an elite band of snipers in the name of the Queen. Though we do not fully trust this heathen, we need all the military dwarves we can get on Armok's side, and we definitely want some marksdwarves.
I think theres two more dwarves I have to add in. Ill get them in the next update hopefully.
Post by: CaptainBlood on May 10, 2009, 09:12:26 pm
Name: Mod
Personality: Likes to kick puppies, kittens etc. Is sadistic and insane. I figure he'll make a good Loyalist to the Queen.
If you don't need a clerk (I couldn't exactly tell from that post), then a Cook would do, or butcher. Someone has to keep the kittens and puppies from taking over the fortress!
btw, You can use Dwarf Companion to make a revolution. You have to go to each individual dwarf and set the civ tag to a warring nation. Just check what the goblin civ tag is during a siege. You cant control them of course, but I think they'll stay in the area (I never tried it on a large scale). The civilization tag is at the bottom of the general information tab when you double click a dwarf name in the program.
You can also make certain dwarves butcherable if you would want. Just let me know and I can help.
Post by: Eagle on May 10, 2009, 09:27:37 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 09:30:57 pm
Is there anyway in Dwarf Companion to just make a dwarf berserk?
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 10, 2009, 09:32:52 pm
This is awesome and the writing is fantastic!
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 09:46:10 pm
I didnt really explain that Clerks death very well did I.....perhaps there was a reason though. The story gets kinda creepy.....you guys have stuck with me through child murder and dwarven sacrifice.....but dont blame me if this goes too far....it wasnt me it was dwarf fortress! It started it!!!
Anyways....back when Eagle made his escape he did so with the help of another dwarf, a miner named Catten. When Eagle had fled the city walls and met Catten in the hills, he was shocked to find one of the Duchess' naked daughters bound and gagged and slung over his shoulder. She was unconscious.
"What the hell are you doing??? We didnt agree to anything like that!!!" shouted Eagle.
"Oh shut up kid....you need me...now just lead the way to your little hideout and you can have all the fun with her that Im gonna have..." snarled the creepy old miner.
"Holy Gods...." mumbled Eagle. He looked back at the fortress. There was no home there. "Wont they come looking for her?"
"Probably," Catten said smuggly. "We best get going." He shifted the girls unconscious body on his shoulders and set off. Eagle reluctantly followed.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringCreepyCabin.png)
Yep....life became like some sick version of Deliverance....although instead of creepy country folk, it was creepy dwarven miners. They set up a still and hung out all day with the Duchess' fourteen year old daughter getting drunk.
I wont get explicit. We know what went on in that cave.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringEagleCaveBattle.png)
The Queen had sent a search party on behalf of the frantic Duchess. It was lead by the Clerk Zafol. They had almost sumbled upon the perverts' lair when a goblin siege showed up. The Clerk and the other dwarves were slaughtered on the mountainside.
It was another terrible day in a sick sad world.
Post by: Eagle on May 10, 2009, 09:57:46 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 10, 2009, 09:59:25 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 10, 2009, 10:37:55 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 10, 2009, 10:42:01 pm
Post by: CaptainBlood on May 10, 2009, 10:50:36 pm
I also noted a while back, I made a dwarf berzerk while he was standing on a cage trap and he was immediately caged. I later used him for a gladiatorial deathmatch.
Post by: Christes on May 10, 2009, 10:54:18 pm
I'm probably desensitized to the latter stuff since it's just normal in DF.
Post by: CaptainBlood on May 10, 2009, 11:28:35 pm
So, we have one demoralized, sane person, one sociopathic person and one... insane? personInsane dwarfs are more fun. Plus, it would be hard to be a proponent of the Queen and be a sane person...
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 11:35:50 pm
For some reason I found that last update harder to read than all of the baby-slaughtering, maniacal mass-murdering previous ones.
I'm probably desensitized to the latter stuff since it's just normal in DF.
Yeah it was pretty creepy wasnt it???
Im gonna make a mental note....Hitler-esque mass-murder and baby death, yes....Creepy Miner HFS, no. Would it make it better if I reminded everyone that the Duchess's daughters run around naked and sniffing quarcaine? Quarcaine people!!! Theyre rich slutty drug addicts....like Paris Hilton or something.
Also, 14 is young in human years, but in dwarf years she was an adult at 12. So its not as bad......uhhh, right?
Besides...Queen Urist had nothing to do with this one. Shes actually trying to hunt down the kidnappers. So for once, shes really one of the good guys.
Post by: MrGimp on May 10, 2009, 11:39:01 pm
Insane dwarfs are more fun.
That's the spirit!!!
Post by: Jim Groovester on May 10, 2009, 11:56:26 pm
Im gonna make a mental note....Hitler-esque mass-murder and baby death, yes....Creepy Miner HFS, no.
What, we can't have depravity with our violence? Where's the fun in that?
Post by: ousire on May 11, 2009, 12:29:52 am
Im gonna make a mental note....Hitler-esque mass-murder and baby death, yes....Creepy Miner HFS, no.
What, we can't have depravity with our violence? Where's the fun in that?
i was always of the opinion they go hand-in-hand
Post by: Christes on May 11, 2009, 12:51:36 am
Quote
This is an engraving of a tentacle demon and Catten. The tentacle demon is committing a depraved act on Catten.
Edit: hmm - do you still have the demon glowing pit accesible? Perhaps Catten might find his way down there as part of dwarven justice. :D
Post by: Guy Montag on May 11, 2009, 01:13:28 am
Lord Montague is just depressed because modern dwarves are just too soft and idealist. Back in the glory dayes O' yore, dwarves raped, pillaged and burned for the glory of of the gods and the dwarven race! The fall of Letterclose is obviously testiment to the decadent downfall of the once mighty dwarven master race.
Now is the chance to purge the traitors, carve out the Erbite cancer and spill blood to make the race pure and strong under the Queen's benelovent leadership!
Also, find time for booze and depraved acts on children and animals. For morale reasons, you know.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on May 11, 2009, 10:48:00 am
I win in creepiness.
Post by: Eagle on May 11, 2009, 03:25:25 pm
So, we have one demoralized, sane person, one sociopathic person and one... insane? person
Which...which...which one am i?
Post by: mythmonster2 on May 11, 2009, 04:16:02 pm
with the Duchess' fourteen year old daughter getting drunk.
Surely you meant sober? Tis physically impossible for a dwarf to get drunk! It's their natural state!
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 11, 2009, 04:16:36 pm
So, we have one demoralized, sane person, one sociopathic person and one... insane? person
Which...which...which one am i?
The sane one
Post by: Nightwind on May 11, 2009, 07:39:08 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 11, 2009, 07:40:59 pm
Post by: Christes on May 11, 2009, 07:56:59 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 12, 2009, 11:02:50 am
I claim dibs on the next dwarf who goes fae... erm, in this context, probably FELL....
One JUST went fay. You missed it though....he already made his artifact. Some stupid dolomite ring. Its worth 110,000 though. But pretty boring...and he didnt even get legendary.
But the next dwarf that goes fay will get renamed Nightwing. You better make me some artifact armor! :D
Post by: MrGimp on May 12, 2009, 11:38:10 am
Aldaris
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Aldaris.png)
A member of the elect - those chosen few who will survive doomsday - Aldaris was among the Freemasons who remained loyal to Urist. The rest are under the spell of the Grand Master Myth. Aldaris joins the Queen in the Temple/Palace complex before it is sealed.
Mod
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Mod.png)
The Planter of Armok, Mod, is also one of the elect. He will grow our food and make us fat and merry. And then when hes done with that, he can get down to his office and check the stockpiles. Mod is a believer in the power of paperwork, and his office is covered with the scattered disorganized articles and records thrown all about.
Ravus Maniacus
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Ravus-1.png)
Ravus' entire family has been slaughtered by Urist and the violence within the walls of Blockedlance. She is the sole survivor...recently recruited by Urist to enter the temple and wait there. Ravus had always been loyal, even when here family was killed, and so was not slaughtered like most who enter the temple. No, Ravus was among the elect, and would live with the Queen inside the complex from then on, helping Mogror Harbett with his enginerring projects and crazy ideas.
Post by: MrGimp on May 12, 2009, 11:40:56 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringDrown1.png)
How you doing down there Atis???
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringDrown2.png)
Hmmm....not so good huh?
Post by: Nightwind on May 12, 2009, 12:01:23 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 12, 2009, 12:33:12 pm
Sure, I'll take the name nightwing, I think I'd look pretty good in black spandex powerarmor and a belt full of wonderful TOYS!
Doh....I mean Nightwind! hahaha ;D
Post by: Zulaf on May 12, 2009, 02:25:59 pm
Name: Kulaka
Male if possible but it dont realy matter, I mean how long can I live this time?
EDIT: Oh ya I side with the queen if I get put it before the event happens
Post by: Nightwind on May 13, 2009, 01:28:15 am
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on May 15, 2009, 10:51:20 am
Still, we'll have towercaps in the corridors.
Towercaps mean wood, leading to axles, leading to BATSHIT ENGINEERING.
Post by: MrGimp on May 17, 2009, 04:22:07 am
Actually, Ive been designing web pages....for money I might add!
Update Sunday....Monday at the latest. I promise!
Post by: MrGimp on May 17, 2009, 01:37:17 pm
At last his unconscious consciousness collided with a living being, and melded with it. Grigrak became aware of his surroundings again, though his memories of his past lives quickly receded into his subconscious. Memories were now coming to him that were not his, but yet, they were his. His disorientation faded. He was a small dwarven child living at Blockedlance. It had always been this way as far back as he could remember. He noticed he was sitting in a pool of water that was rising higher and higher, already up to his chin. The memories of the dwarven child had now fully become his own. He now remembered where he was and what was going on.
"Oh yeah..........." mumbled Grigrak's host. "FUCK!!!"
Post by: Lord Dullard on May 17, 2009, 02:09:35 pm
Looking forward to more updates!
Post by: Jim Groovester on May 17, 2009, 03:28:29 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 17, 2009, 03:45:52 pm
Grigrak waded through the halls. The end was near. They all knew it. He looked into the eyes of the other trapped dwarves and could see that they had given up all hope.
At that moment, a mad naked dwarf came splashing through the hallways with a severed head in his hands! The dwarves shrieked in terror at the sight of the berserk dwarf, and fled in terror in all directions. Grigrak's tiny legs barely touched the bottom of the hallway now, and he knew not how to swim. He splashed and kicked, but the insane maniac caught up to him.....
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1348-trappeddwarfgoesberserk (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1348-trappeddwarfgoesberserk)
Post by: MrGimp on May 17, 2009, 03:53:50 pm
But heres pictures of the aftermath...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringDrown3.png)
And here we see the heathens, bathing in their own blood.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringDrown4.png)
Post by: Jim Groovester on May 17, 2009, 03:56:55 pm
Desperate situations are what Grigrak calls home. At least this time he won't starve to death.
At least he didn't have to go through the agony of dehydrating or drowning either, I guess. Small comfort in being painfully and slowly beaten to death.
Post by: MrGimp on May 17, 2009, 04:00:24 pm
That water is going to be a bit awkward to drain.
Still, we'll have towercaps in the corridors.
Towercaps mean wood, leading to axles, leading to BATSHIT ENGINEERING.
If you're looking for batshit engineering, you've come to the right place!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringWindmills.png)
Post by: MrGimp on May 17, 2009, 04:08:01 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringVandalism.png)
Slobbering filthy beasts these peasants are....stupid ignorant vicious animals! They smashed up the fortresses nice things! They even smashed up the roads in the courtyard!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringCourtyardDamage.png)
Urist cracked her knuckles and headed off to go give some beatings.
Post by: MrGimp on May 17, 2009, 05:58:25 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringBerserkMarksdwarf.png)
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1349-babykill (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1349-babykill)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on May 17, 2009, 06:11:23 pm
Chapter #9 - A House Divided
MURDER!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/HamdingerMurdered.png)
The stealthy resistance movement has struck again. A very brave suicide beater tackled the Hammerer in the dining hall. Our mighty hammerer was beset from behind, a knife in his back before he knew what hit him. He swung around with his mighty hammer, but the nimble dwarf avoided him. The crazy got in a few good hooks to the Hammerers face before bringing the hammerer down with a sweep. While lying on the floor, the berserk dwarf grabbed the hammer from Hamdinger's hands and brought the block of steel hard down on his face. It made a nice crunch/squish kinda sound.
Queen Urist was aghast at the horrors. She ordered all worshippers of Ber Steelearthen inside the temple. She would protect her flock from the unwashed mob. They would be safe inside the temple, where Urist had stored enough food to last for years, and where farms and wells would soon be set up to keep the Elect independent. Urist allowed a few heathens in, those that she deemed had important legendary skills. She would use them for now, and throw them away later.
Before she herself entered the temple and sealed the steel doors however, she had to go beat the shit out of that guy for killing the Hammerer of Armok!!!
Post by: MrGimp on May 17, 2009, 06:16:18 pm
Or you can get dibs on the next Hammerer (if hes a worshipper of the right God)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 17, 2009, 06:58:09 pm
Post by: Christes on May 17, 2009, 08:00:13 pm
Post by: Labs on May 17, 2009, 08:21:46 pm
Post by: Zulaf on May 17, 2009, 08:35:30 pm
If he is a infidel then just whatever is fine.
Post by: MrGimp on May 18, 2009, 09:30:25 pm
I havent even gotten through spring yet....two more weeks to go. In the two and a half months of spring I have 'lost' about 50 dwarves. Thats just one season.
Post by: Creamcorn on May 18, 2009, 09:52:02 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 18, 2009, 10:14:43 pm
Look for a dwarf with the most friends and come up with a reason to kill her or him.
The House of Erib was definitely home to that dwarf. And most of the Eribs are dead or drowning. The Eribite Heir even took a beating from Urist. TWICE. Somehow he lived though.... :'(
But yeah....I have a plan for ALL of these heathens.....muhoohahahahahahaahaha!!!!!!
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 18, 2009, 10:19:52 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 19, 2009, 12:57:43 am
"Its been going on ever since the hammerer was murdered. It seems to be developing into a full scale riot, your majesty" he reported.
"Yes? And what are you doing about it?" demanded the Queen, enraged by the breakdown of order.
Lord Dullard pointed to the fortress heights in the distance. "We've poisitoned Lord Labs with our few remaining marksdwarves on the high ground overlooking the courtyard."
Queen Urist sat silent for a moment. "And?" she said at last.
"Uhhh....well, your majesty, we really dont have any more troops to spare. The leadership of the rebellion comes mostly from our own military. Our ranks are vastly depleted. I dont have accurate counts, my queen, but they outnumber us somewhere between 3 and 5 to 1."
"Yes but theyre dying at an incredible rate," the Queen reminded. "Now lets keep it that way. We need to get out there and shove some weight around. Get your squad ready, rally them here. I will return in a moment."
"Yes, milady," said Lord Dullard. With that, the Queen turned and headed back into the temple depths. She made her way to an axe, and then stopped by the altar of the temple, to pray to Armok.
"Oh great master of life and death...I head now to an uncertain fate. I leave myself in your almighty hands. May the blood that is spilled today please you, my lord, whosever blood it is."
With her grim acceptance of death, Urist heaved the mighty axe back up and walked back to the temple entrace, and her fate.
Post by: MrGimp on May 19, 2009, 04:02:48 am
The Queen never gave the order to move out. She simply started walking towards the fortress with her axe in hand and bloodlust coursing through her very soul. Lord Dullard commanded his men to follow. Mad Monkey ran ahead and lead the way, holding his shield out in front of the queen. No bolts were coming down now, but snipers could be anywhere along the parapets.
As they got closer the din grew louder. Lord Labs was above the courtyard, shouting down at the riotous peasants. He was ordering his men to shoot warning shots into the crowd. They were breaking apart the stone slabs that made up the fortress; main road. When the Queen arrive with her entourage she nodded at Lord Dullard.
"Alright men, fan out!" he yelled as he banged his axe against his shield. His men did likewise and responded with a resounding 'hoo-rah'. They quickly spread out and started puishing peasants around, getting them out of the main courtyard and cramming them into the fortress and barracks interiors.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/anti-riot-police-beating-a-protesto.jpg)
All the while Madmonkey24 was blocking the queen from various trash and debris that was being flung her way. She didnt like being kept out of the fray...but they were vastly outnumbered, and she had to play it cool.
Suddnely a crossbowbolt whizzed down between Urist and Madmonkey24. It barely grazed Madmonkey24's armor as it did so. He turned around swiftly to raise his shield and blocked another two botls that came down in rapid succession. They looked up to see Lord Labs yelling at his marksdwarves for missing, and ordering another volley as he loaded his own.
"ITS A TRAP!!!" shouted MadMonkey24 over the noise and confusion. Lord Dullard heard it faintly, and looked up in time only to see more marksdwarves coming from the barracks and the main corridor of the fort. Lord Dullard immediately ordered his troops back to the main entrance to the courtyard, where Urist and MadMonkey24 stood.
As they pushed their way through the crowd Urist rushed forward at the marksdwarfs and cut one down immediately. She turned around and chopped at another dwarf, leaving him wounded and fleeing in terror, a trail
of blood behind him. His squadmates followed him.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MarksdwarvesBeaten.png)
Only one marksdwarf stood between Urist and the exit now, Lord Bowbeard himself.
"Traitor!" she shouted.
Bowbeard said nothing, as he was trembling in terror at the sight of his queen charging through his squad like butter. He simply fired a shot wildly, and Urist easily dodged it and continued her charge towards him. When she got close she threw her axe down and leapt onto Bowbeard chest, knocking him to the ground. She wailed at his face with bare fists, then gouged out his eyes with her fingers. Mercifully, she ended his life right there, by tearing his throat out and watching him suffocate while tossing about blind and gushing blood.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/BowbeardDies.png)
(Urist's Kills)
Lord Dullard pulled her from her trance. There were more marksdwarves and axedwarves pouring out of the barracks into the far end of the courtyard. "My queen, we must make haste!!!" shouted lord Dullard.
The queen and her guards turned and crossed the bridge. Lord Labs and his squad continued to fire bolts at them, but never managed to hit anything but shields and dirt. The bridge raised as they left, and it was clear now that the fortress was totally lost.
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 19, 2009, 04:07:25 am
This is awesome. For the revolution!
Post by: Labs on May 19, 2009, 06:43:53 am
Post by: Lord Dullard on May 19, 2009, 11:54:39 am
Edit: Holy christ, Urist is SCARY.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 19, 2009, 12:39:05 pm
By the way, how is the little hideaway doing?
Post by: mythmonster2 on May 19, 2009, 04:38:19 pm
Classic. :D How am I doin?
Post by: HAMMERMILL on May 19, 2009, 06:14:44 pm
I will stand by to monitor the progression of events.
Post by: MrGimp on May 19, 2009, 07:13:41 pm
Ill get to the creepy miners and the double backstabbing freemasons in a bit....but first.....
Behold! Blockedlance, in all her glory!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/BL230.png)
And here is the overview shot.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/BL230-B.png)
Here is the grand dolomite Temple of Armok. Its entirely dolomite...except for the pillars which are steel. I dont know why 3Dwarf colors it that way. But feh.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/BL230-D.png)
And heres the view of the fortress proper from the temple entrance. This is what Urist and the loyalists see when they look outside. There are marksdwarves all along the walls.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/BL230-C.png)
Post by: Christes on May 19, 2009, 09:32:37 pm
sweet temple
Post by: ousire on May 19, 2009, 10:03:38 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 19, 2009, 10:37:34 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 19, 2009, 10:45:41 pm
That temple took 14 years to build. From 216 - 230. Im JUST finishing it up. In the overview shot of the fortress you can see some scaffolding still on the top right corner. Its been a year long process just to remove the wooden access stairs.
To put into perspective how long that temple took....I started it on page 7.
Post by: MrGimp on May 21, 2009, 02:35:12 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Summer230.png)
108 dwarves have survived the spring out of 159 that began it. 51 dead. I have to say Im really proud of that number, I was struggling with that many dead in a year before. I have learned so much in the art of mass sacrifice.
I got a pretty funny happening on video too...
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1358-suicidalchildpart1 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1358-suicidalchildpart1)
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1359-suicidalchildpart2 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1359-suicidalchildpart2)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on May 21, 2009, 02:43:15 am
1 - Project Moat (Complete)
2 - Temple to
3 - Noble River Cave (Begun)
4 - Dwarven Valhalla (Begun)
5 - ? :-\?
6 - Something for an Adventurer
7 - The Tomb of Urist
Post by: MrGimp on May 21, 2009, 12:36:50 pm
So Catten had built the still, drank a barrel for himself, fed a barrel to the girl, then taken her upstairs to Eagles old room, which was now Catten's love nest. Eagle could hear the girls screaming and moaning, and had come down to the farming chamber to get away from it. He was trying to get wasted and forget about it all, but he kept having to brew more booze. The more drunk he got, the less able he became to make more booze. It was a truly vicious circle.
He eventually did work up the energy to brew more booze, which took quite a while in his state. He wondered what time it was. He filled his little stone mug from the now filled barrel and stumbled out to the entrance of his cave. It was early morning, and the air was crisp. The unholy orb of the sun was just rising behind him over the ridge. The faint screams of the duchess' daughter echoed out to him, and off to his left there was smoke rising from the ruined fortress courtyard.
Home sweet home, he thought to himself.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 21, 2009, 12:43:20 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 21, 2009, 01:00:22 pm
Grand Master Mason Myth Keddiden made his way to Reg Craftgranite the Eribite Heir in the old hospital/communal living space. The Heir to the House of Erib was wounded, his spine damaged. Of the 17 members of his family, only he and one of his little sisters remained alive. He was paralyzed and couldnt move. He was going in and out of constant tantruming. Urist had ruined him, killing his family and then personally beating him and breaking his back, then leaving him to wallow in his pain and misfortune.
Grand Master Myth was there to seek an alliance with the pitiful dwarf. The ranks of Freemasonry had been devestated as well during the recent events. There were in fact only three surviving members who were still alive. Two more had lived but had joined the Queen in her temple. Damn Lord Montague! Damn Aldaris!
"What do you want?" Reg Craftgranite asked.
"Please my lord - "
"Swear an oath of fealty to me as many times as you wish, but a Freemason's loyalties shifts with the winds!"
"Well...look Reg, you need me and I need you. We are both in tenuous situations, not only threatened by the Queen but by one of these warlords coming in here with their squads and taking over from us," pleaded Myth.
At precisely that moment a marksdwarf that was resting injuries in the bed next to the Heir of the House of Erib leapt up in a rage and flung out his crossbow!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerCrazyDead-1.png)
Luckily there were still a few loyal guards, and he was quickly cut down. But it added great emphasis to the Grand Master's words. Reg Craftgranite and Myth Keddiden decided that since Reg was too weak to rule, and Myth too hated, they would prop up an acceptable candidate as mayor and rule from behind the scenes. They set to work on finding such a dwarf.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on May 21, 2009, 01:04:03 pm
Reminds me of home.
Post by: Eagle on May 21, 2009, 04:33:15 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 21, 2009, 08:08:17 pm
He travelled down the stairwell, still drunk, and made his way to the pick. He grabbed it and held it aloft before him. I'm gonna crush his skull in with this thing, he thought to himself. Eagle turned to head back upstairs when suddenly he saw the Duchess' daughter behind him! He was shoked and speechless. After a moment of silence she spoke.
"Uhhh....like, is there any more wine?"
"Yeah....I just made some," he replied, dumbfounded. She wasnt handcuffed or frightened in any way. He filled a stone mug for her then handed it to her.
"Like, thanks," she said right before she starting gulping it down.
"So uh....are you okay?"
"Fer sure. Why?"
"You know.....Catten," he said awkwardly. She looked at him puzzled.
"What about him?" She tried to think of what he meant. "The plan like totally worked perfectly," she added.
"Plan?"
"Yeah, to get me away from my mother....and all that drama down there," she waved her hand in the direction of the floor, where the fortress of Blockedlance lay below.
"Wait, what? You were unconscious when he brought you here!"
"Well....Catten said I wouldnt stop complaining about the hike up the mountain. All I remember is a rag in my face....then I woke up here with you guys and he was giving me wine, and I was like, thats totally cool. Y'know? You weirded me out a little...thats why I like, didnt say anything."
"*I* weirded you out?" he said stunned.
"Dont get all butthurt, tee hee!" she laughed. She handed him an empty mug. "Is there anymore wine?"
"Yeah yeah...." he mumbled as he filled it up and handed it back to her. "But he's had you tied up the entire time. Everytime Ive seen you....youre bound and gagged! And naked!!!"
"Hey, dont judge me! I like what I like.....it's different for girls. Plus hes been giving me some nice powder."
"QUARCAINE???!!! You guys are sniffing quarcaine in my cave?!?!?!" Eagle shouted.
"Jeeze....it's not a big deal. See...this is why you weirded me out..." she said as she turned away. "Im going back upstairs, thanks for the wine!"
Eagle stared in a trance as she walked away, shaking her naked ass at him. Fucking quarkheads, he thought to himself.
Post by: Zulaf on May 21, 2009, 08:11:55 pm
I know i haven't given you
EDIT: Holy cowrap, this is the 600th post congrats MrGimp.
Post by: MrGimp on May 21, 2009, 08:14:51 pm
Want to be the High Priest?
Post by: Zulaf on May 21, 2009, 08:17:48 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 21, 2009, 08:32:23 pm
EDIT: Holy cowrap, this is the 600th post congrats MrGimp.
haha, thanks! Yeah I just looked and as of now this is the 6th longest and 10th most viewed story on the forum! Woooo!
Thanks everyone for reading it, glad you like, hope you keep liking it...and Zulaf, yes Priests of Armok can have sex, but they have to smear themselves in cat blood first, otherwise its just plain dirty.
Post by: Zulaf on May 21, 2009, 08:41:19 pm
Post by: Creamcorn on May 21, 2009, 09:07:34 pm
edit: make the last name Quorcane
Post by: Jim Groovester on May 21, 2009, 09:54:00 pm
hmmm i remember someone saying something about sex on the alter or somthing...... sure.
Oh, you must be talking about this:
I'm surprised those two creepy priest people didn't rub themselves down in kitten blood and perform ritualistic coitus. While Queen Urist was watching.
Congrats, MrGimp, for one of the longest lived and most disturbing tales on the Community Games & Stories forum!
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 21, 2009, 10:08:45 pm
I have really enjoyed following this story from the thread where you introduced Urist, to this.
Post by: MrGimp on May 22, 2009, 11:42:45 pm
Urist has dubbed the high priest with the name Kulaka, which she says is a much more cool and Armoky name than 'Thob'. All Hail High Priest Kulaka Bomrekdakas!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerKurk.png)
Urist also christened the Philosopher Asmel and renamed him Kurk Quorcane. She sentenced him to a lifetime of playing the rose quartz harps he had lied about wanting to play. From now until his death, the miserable dwarf would perfect a new genre of music called 'grunge harp', characterized by his tuning the harp wrong, and the obligatory wearing of flannel.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerEribMayor.png)
In other news, the last survivor from the OTHER house of Erib worshippers has been propped up as mayor by Grand Master Myth and the crippled Eribite Heir. What a predictable candidate. Urist dreams of one day crippling him, too.
Post by: Creamcorn on May 23, 2009, 12:12:44 am
Post by: Lord Dullard on May 23, 2009, 12:16:14 am
Can Quorcane's death end with him commiting sucide? Wait, than again considering the way this fort is heading I'm guessing that this request goes with saying.
I think what you meant was, 'Can Quorcane's death end with him being shot in the head with a crossbow in such a way that it LOOKS like he committed suicide'. ;D
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on May 23, 2009, 08:29:57 am
Post by: MrGimp on May 23, 2009, 03:36:21 pm
"You!" yelled Kurk.
"Oh hey buddy. Hey I dig the flannel!"
"Shut up! WHY?! Why did you set me up?"
"Ha! I dont know. Score points with the Queen I guess. I just kinda like to see people suffer....especially when they bring it on themselves. When you were bent over that bin and the Queen walked in....hahahaha....that was awesome!!!" Mogror bent over and had to hold himself up. His face was red from laughter.
"Damn you! You tricked me! I thought I was saving the fortress from Armok!!! I thought we were all about to be made slaves to a demon!!!" shouted Kurk.
"Hey....I didnt lie about that! Well...except the part about destroying the idol....that wouldnt stop Armok. But yeah, she really does worship a demon. I do too!" smiled the insane old dwarf.
"You're crazy."
"Oh please...flattery will get you nowhere. Look, count your blessings. She let you live. Ive never seen her do that before. Just be happy your being allowed to live and play the harp."
"Bah!" said Kurk as he shooed the engineer away with his hands. He stormed off back to his room.
Post by: Byakugan01 on May 23, 2009, 09:49:38 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 23, 2009, 11:03:53 pm
Love the awesomeness...may I request an eribite? One smart enough to runaway and live in a little dirt hovel under a little ways away from the fortress...plotting his revenge for the murder of his family. Or just his father. I know he'll die, but it'll still be interesting.
The Eribites are almost all dead. The Eribite Heir is crippled and never getting off that bed again. Theres the last of the other Erib family that became mayor....but Nightwind already called dibs on the first dwarf that went fay, and the mayor just went fay.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnNightwind.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnNightwind2.png)
So the mayor goes crazy and tells everyone to stop calling him Mosus and start calling him Nightwind. Its gotten pretty normal around Blockedlance, so everyone just kind of went with it. His first official act as mayor was to prohibit the export of precious pig tail socks, then he went crazy and grabbed some adamantine. You better do something cool with it Nightwind!
But anyways, Byakugan, the Eribite Heirs got one sister. You can be her, shes still under age though...but already a legendary woodcrafter. If thats cool?
Post by: MrGimp on May 24, 2009, 12:28:48 am
When the goblins come there are several squads, all of them near Jazz. While Lord Akigagak and the others fight off one squad, Jazz marches through four entire squads. All by his lonesome. He ended up on the far side of the map, on the top of a rocky ledge that jutted out from the base of the mountain. Blood and guts were all around him as he came out of his trance.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnJazz.png)
Jazz stood there among the entrails and mangled bodies breathing heavily. He knew Captain Jack was looking down on him from Heaven, smiling at his triumph!
Post by: Nightwind on May 24, 2009, 12:37:04 am
Post by: MrGimp on May 24, 2009, 12:50:05 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 24, 2009, 10:49:51 am
Post by: MrGimp on May 24, 2009, 09:10:46 pm
She was acutely aware of her weakness, and began taking every precaution. One of the heathens that was locked in with them, a dwarf named Eberdek, became Urists personal food taster. Grigrak, after being murdered in the flooded peasant chamber by a mad dwarf, found his consciousness melding with Eberdek's at the very instant Urist was conferring the title of Royal Food Taster upon her. Imagine that, having no memories, appearing all of a sudden in front of the Queen telling you shes afraid shes gonna get poisoned so from now on YOU have to eat some of her food first. Must've been pretty tough for her.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerEberdek.png)
Anyhoo, its Autumn now. We've just broken through a population of 100!!! Im so happy!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Autumn230.png)
Post by: Creamcorn on May 24, 2009, 09:18:41 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 24, 2009, 10:45:32 pm
Lot of Erib Worshipers aren't there?
There were.
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 25, 2009, 01:05:53 am
Lot of Erib Worshipers aren't there?
There were.
And that pretty much sums up the fort of Blockedlance
Post by: Labs on May 25, 2009, 06:28:11 am
Lot of Erib Worshipers aren't there?
There were.
And that pretty much sums up the fort of Blockedlance
I have to say, that is sigworthy.
Post by: MrGimp on May 25, 2009, 03:03:55 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnNightwindSad.png)
Sorry buddy, that was a real quick appearance and then disappearance. Well...a depressed soon to be dead mayor is no mayor at all. Grand Master Myth Kediden and Reg Craftgranite the crippled Eribite Heir plot their next move...
(BTW - That wipes out the last of one of the two large Erib worshipping families. All thats left now is Reg Craftgranite and his little sister the woodcrafter)
Post by: Nightwind on May 25, 2009, 03:08:47 pm
Though that's why I embarked with my food in turtle, and then mostly kept it verboden.
Eh, I'll possess another eventually, maybe? Yes, indeed, this host was obviously unworthy, too insane, proven by the desire for shell.
Post by: MrGimp on May 25, 2009, 03:21:05 pm
The imprisonement of the Armok worshippers continued. Kurk Quorcane practiced his harp. The Dungeon Master tried to make the dwindling supply of fine pewter keep the Duchess's demands fulfilled. High Priest Kulaka tried to hook up with the High Priestess. The Queen tried to hook up with the Ducal Heir. The Duchess kept worrying about her daughter. Her other daughters kept worrying about where to get the next bag now that they were isolated from the Quarry Bush farms.
The rebels began living in the newly renovated Barracks/Hospital Tower, for they could not reach the still flooded peasant quarters. Nor would they sleep there even if Urist decided to turn on the draining mechanism (it's controlled from the temple). They knew full well that Urist had the power to flood that entire fort without leaving her bloodsoaked unholy place. Every level from the peasant quarters below was unsafe. The rebels were forced to live above ground for the most part, under the constant glare of the demon they call 'the sun'.
Urist detested her condition, and chaffed under its yoke. She prayed every day in the temple to Armok, her holy father. She begged him to crush her foes. There was no response....such was the elusive nature of the Gods.
She kept the faith though, and rallied the true believers around their holy goal of Armok's final solution. The High Priest and Priestess were instrumental in achieving this, slowly bringing the flock into a deeper and deeper understanding of the one they still called 'Ber Steelearthen'.
Post by: MrGimp on May 25, 2009, 03:24:28 pm
Well, I did say the first one without a name that survived the fay mood, lol.
Though that's why I embarked with my food in turtle, and then mostly kept it verboden.
Eh, I'll possess another eventually, maybe? Yes, indeed, this host was obviously unworthy, too insane, proven by the desire for shell.
Sure Ill give you another one. One guy went fay right after you, but he didnt survive either. He wanted plant cloth, which I thought I had, but I didnt. Apparently I used up all the plant cloth I had sewing up some rope reed trousers so my dwarves could cover up their damn balls.
But the next guy that goes insane and lives will be named Nightwing this time. It was simply fate saying that your dwarves name had to be Nightwing!
Post by: MrGimp on May 25, 2009, 06:53:15 pm
Post by: Aldaris on May 26, 2009, 05:45:43 am
How's my guy doing anyway?
Post by: MrGimp on May 26, 2009, 05:13:56 pm
Maybe Armok removed Blockedlance from the universe altogether? Leaving only an unstable gateway to the goblin lands, kept open by the demons?
How's my guy doing anyway?
She's safe and sound in the temple. You and Montague had been the two freemasons who stayed loyal after the great schism. Im trying to bundle everyone together as couples and lock em in...but its real tedious. And people keep getting out. haha....which makes for an interesting story I guess (Ill get to that in a bit).
Post by: MrGimp on May 26, 2009, 05:27:16 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring231.png)
The traitorous Myth Kediden had Nightwind's body placed below, in the new wing of the catacombs. What a waste. He would have been the perfect Mayor.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringNightwindDead.png)
It was a blow to Reg Craftgranite, who was distrustful of the former Freemason already. Reg suspected that Myth may have had something to do with the disappearance of shell from the stockpiles. Reg was in no mood to plot with Myth to find a new mayor. Instead, the Eribite Heir simply had himself elected mayor. It was simple enough to do, since his family had rigged the fortress elections a generation ago. Everyone wondered if a paralyzed dwarf could really lead however, especially with the tenuous peace at Blockedlance.
Heathen nobles arrive, having heard of the rebellion at Blockedlance.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringNoblesArrive.png)
They take shelter with the traitors, but are not given rooms in the noble quarters below because they were under constant threat of flooding.
Lots of kobolds also came to Blockedlane in the spring. Here we see them hacked to bits.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringKoboldPus.png)
Thats their yellow pus thats sprayed everywhere. Filthy buggers those kobolds.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringWindmills-1.png)
In other news, the fortress mechanisms ground to a halt when some protective redundancy gearlines were set up to protect the fortress from random vandalism. Wouldnt want the fort to get flooded and the drainage system shut off because some berserk psycho broke an axle, you know. So since the system requires more power, we set up more windmills. I realize now that 1000 units of power really is nothing in the grand scheme of things.
Post by: MrGimp on May 26, 2009, 08:23:46 pm
One of the rebels couldnt find any plant cloth. He went insane, as any dwarf would. He sleeps with the fishes now. Only there arent any fishes cuz we ate them all. He sleeps with the junk then. Not much difference from his life I suppose.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerTaxCollector.png)
The new tax collector is pretty miserable. The rebels have no noble rooms for him. And no one listens to his asinine demands. In fact...no one listens to ANY of the nobles bitching.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerNobles.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerDuchessDemands-1.png)
I mean really....what the Duchess' obsession with spears? And fine pewter? We dont have fine pewter woman! Get it through your head!!!
Post by: MrGimp on May 26, 2009, 08:31:17 pm
Project Mechanical Overload takes its place as our next megaproject. If 1,000 units of mechanical power isnt enough, then I shall generate TEN THOUSAND!!!
Post by: Eagle on May 26, 2009, 08:46:47 pm
Hows Eagle doing? Made any progress on improving the hideout?
Post by: MrGimp on May 26, 2009, 09:09:05 pm
Eagle had spruced up the lair a bit. He had built a nice cozy dining room for the gang, as well as a kitchen. He also added some statues to pretty it up in the dank a hole.
"Now it's starting to feel like home!" he said aloud to himself. His moment of pride was interrupted by Mistem's screams of pleasure at Catten's, uhhh....hands. "Can you keep it down??? JEEZE!!!" he shouted. It was to no avail, for they could not hear him.
He decided to carve up some stone instruments, a diorite piccolo, a dolomite harp....anything he could make some noise with to drown out this filthy pair.
Post by: Jim Groovester on May 26, 2009, 09:52:21 pm
Post by: Eagle on May 26, 2009, 10:10:07 pm
There's only one solution to Eagle's noise problem: a catapult.Only because we dont have magma.
Post by: MrGimp on May 27, 2009, 12:29:45 am
There's only one solution to Eagle's noise problem: a catapult.Only because we dont have magma.
Aye. The solution is magma...and we have none.
Though with tweak or companion I could get the moat to turn into lava though right? Anyone want to help my dumb ass get either of these things working on my machine? I tried the wiki steps for both, no luck. Im sure Im doing it wrong.
Post by: MrGimp on May 27, 2009, 12:53:11 am
There was no benefit to simply waiting with fingers in orifices. She grabbed her axe and set out under cover of night.
Knowing the fortress as only she could, she silently slipped into the freezing cold moat. She was not weairing metal armor, for it would drown her. With her axe strapped to her back she took a breath and submerged under the surface. Her entrance point was right above the gaping hole of the lower maintenance tunnels. She swam to them, though she could barely see them.
There were no glowing plants or phosphorescent mushrooms or powders in Urists day. That was the realm of the ancients with their great science. In this dark age, Urist had to navigate the maintenance tunnels by dwarfsight alone. Dwarf vision was uncannily adept, even in the darkest of places. However, these tunnels would try her abilities. As she ventured further into the 'U-bend' that helped to depressurize water that came in from the above ground moat, her lungs began to ache for air. She could not see at all this far down. She did her best to keep her heart from racing (and needing more oxygen) as she clumsily felt around for the bottom of the shaft.
She kicked herself ever forward, and at last the shaft turned upwards. Her natural boyancy propelled her upwards now as she kicked and heaved herself higher.
BAM!
Fuck!, she thought as she hit her head on the rock above. There was one more turn in the tunnel! She frantically spasmed forth with her remaining air. She struggled to keep her mouth closed despite the urge to gasp for breath. The light was much brighter now. She swam to it.
Urist burst to the surface, and gulped in the largest chestfull of air she had ever inhaled in her life. Then she remembered she had to keep quiet...
She took smaller breaths, recuperating in the dark and half-carved-out noble river cave. There was no one here at night. Urist unstrapped her axe and held it in front of her. She let her bloodlust and hatred of her enemy renew her strength, then she marched off with murder first up on her to-do list.
(To be continued...)
Post by: Jim Groovester on May 27, 2009, 12:56:00 am
Aye. The solution is magma...and we have none.There's only one solution to Eagle's noise problem: a catapult.Only because we dont have magma.
I was thinking about the catapult's noise-making potential instead of its destructive potential. Some dwarf I am.
Although, yeah, I guess hurling rocks at the problem would work, too.
Post by: MrGimp on May 27, 2009, 12:59:04 am
Aye. The solution is magma...and we have none.There's only one solution to Eagle's noise problem: a catapult.Only because we dont have magma.
I was thinking about the catapult's noise-making potential instead of its destructive potential. Some dwarf I am.
Although, yeah, I guess hurling rocks at the problem would work, too.
Or catapulting Catten out of there...that would work fine and be dwarfy.
But Magma...you just cant beat it. All problems are solved with magma, even problems that were caused by magma. Armok made it thus when he created magma to be the blood of the earth.
Post by: Creamcorn on May 27, 2009, 07:14:43 am
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 27, 2009, 03:15:41 pm
Post by: Eagle on May 27, 2009, 03:39:13 pm
Make sure to read the lyrics in the description.
Post by: Hawkfrost on May 27, 2009, 06:22:39 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEEAjGtAkY
Make sure to read the lyrics in the description.
Love that song.
I think this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojq5bc8xK2c) should be Urist's theme.
Post by: Labs on May 27, 2009, 06:29:55 pm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEEAjGtAkY (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rcEEAjGtAkY)
Make sure to read the lyrics in the description.
Love that song.
I think this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojq5bc8xK2c) should be Urist's theme.
Oh fuck yes.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on May 28, 2009, 07:22:04 am
Post by: Jarod Cain on May 28, 2009, 02:35:48 pm
-J-
Post by: MrGimp on May 28, 2009, 04:31:42 pm
She walked slowly to the main stairwell, her ears scanning the night for sounds. All she could hear was faint drippings coming from the flooded peasants quarters and falling into puddles along this level. She crept up the stairwell. The sealed floodgates of the peasant level made her smile. She knew that thirty someodd dwarves lay in there, or rather, piles of bones there were once thirty someodd dwarves. Atis Athelkuds dead body lay in there as well. There was no proper burial for her or for most of her sons and daughters that were in there with her.
Urist poked her head to the top of the ramp. Deadly quiet. Nothing was moving.
She made her way to the entrance of the fortress. The bridge was up and the gate was sealed obviously. She walked to the main corridor where it opened up onto the great vomitous courtyard. She could hear the marksdwarves above her along the walls. She recognized the voices of Lord Lego and Lord Labs. She seethed with rage as she heard them laughing and joking. Well, this route out of the fortress was blocked. And she wasnt going to charge the barracks tower with the marksdwarves firing from above and behind her.
No...the only option now was to kill the dwarves in the old hospital, then rush back to the water tunnels and to freedom.
She walked back down the hallway and stood in front of the oaken door. She tightened her grip on her axe, took a deep breath, then kicked in the door.
HACK!!! SPLATTER!!!
She cleaved the first dwarf she saw, which was a miller lying to the right of the door. A loud scream went out. The room immediately filled with life....and terror. Urist swung the blade again, severely wounding a champion in full plate.
Huh? she thought to herself. What was a champion doing in the hospital sleeping in full plate? It was then that she noticed Reg Craftgranite, the Eribite Heir shrieking in horror as Urist swung the axe yet again, knocking a recruit backwards and to the floor. Urist pushed a dwarf aside then charged towards Reg.
A Champion (ironically also named Reg) leapt from his bed and tried to stop Urist. All he managed to do was slow her down. She beat him over the head with th butt of her axe, knocking the dwarf unconscious. Then she lifted the blade high over the Eribite Heir. He screamed as he knew he was about to die, and was too crippled to even move.
As the axe blade came down, some sad sack of a peasant leapt on top of his mayor, taking the fatal blow and leaving a corpse in the way of the next strike.
It was an impressive sacrifice, and in the moment of awe one of the wounded champions managed to jump on Urists back and tackle her to the ground. She lost hold of her axe. Not good.
She kicked and contorted, but this dwarf was quite a wrestler. She grappled with him as the unconscious Champion axedwarf Reg was getting up and shaking off his stupor. Urist at last freed herself, just in time to see Reg coming at her with his axe. She was defenseless!
She leapt backwards and out of the room. Off to her right the marksdwarves were just turning the corner down the main corridor, responding to the disturbance and shouts for help coming from the hospital.
Urist took off the other way, and darting down the stairwell. She leapt down each level of stairs until she was on the old nobles level. She could hear the clanging metal of the dwarves chain and plate mail as they ran down the stairs after her. She ran as fast as she could to the river, gulped as much air as her lungs could hold, then dove into the placid water.
She had only managed to kill two peasants and wound three military dwarves, but she had almost killed their leader. The rebels were left reeling in shock and awe.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterDwarvenJustice.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on May 28, 2009, 05:32:08 pm
SPLOOSH!!!
There was a loud splash behind her, then the sound of a dwarf gasping for breath. Damn! She really hadnt expected that! These rebels were as tenacious as her! She began running back to the temple, for she knew not how many dwarves would come out of that moat, or the fortress gates in a moment. The temple door was still opened, waiting for her return. She had to close it! She rushed back, MadMonkey24 was standing guard....err...lying guard. He was dead asleepnext to the lever. Urist rushed to pull it, then she slapped the dwarf awake.
The temple doors took time to seal however, and in that moment the axedwarf that had been chasing her since the old hospital managed to run in before they shut. Urist dodged Reg's axe swing, then grabbed MadMonkey's demon sword. She stabbed Reg in the left lower leg, dropping the fighter to the ground. She kicked his axe away from him as he grabbed his leg in pain. Urist simply tossed the sword back to MadMonkey24.
"Arent you going to kill him?" he asked, now wide awake.
"Oh no," smiled the Queen. "We're going to make an example of this one!" She reached forward and grabbed the champion by the beard, then dragged his wounded body downstairs, into the depths of the Temple of Armok.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterWoundedChamp.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on May 29, 2009, 12:35:51 pm
Steve had just finished casting spears. That was all he ever crafted. Once, many years ago, he had crafted seven masterwork adamantine axes that were still in use by the axe dwarves. Some had ended up in the hands of the rebels, and some with the loyalists. These spears the Duchess always demanded werent really weapons in Steve's mind. No speardwarves guarded Blockedlance! The only use found for his spears had been in the temple suicide and baby killing booths.
The worst part was, that even what little work there was, was often taken by the Dungeon Master!
Steve sat forgotten and forelorn...
Post by: MrGimp on May 29, 2009, 01:06:25 pm
"Damn them!" shouted Mogror. "Damn them to the seventy-nine hells!"
"Wait....theres more hells than that!" corrected Queen Urist.
"No. I stop counting them as hells after the Hell of the Infinite Void. I knew a lot of the guys that created some of the hells that came after that and I have to say, Im not very impressed. I mean, come on. The Hell of Uncomfortable Chairs?"
"Yeah, you have a point. Thats really more of an Elf Hell."
"Well these bastard rebels have stolen my blueprints for Project Mechanical Overload!!! I think that warrants the Hell of Eternal Wounds...Id love to see their faces when they first arrive and Lord Rustedblade the Giver of Stabbing starts stabbing them over and over!" Mogror chuckled, then sighed as he stared off into space. "That brings back a lot of memories..."
"What? You spent time in the Hell of Eternal Wounds?"
"Yeah, I was lucky, I got out after a few thousand years, and Lord Rustedblade even let me go back to my old life and time as if nothing had ever happened. I guess he realized that we just had a lot in common. I still write the old bastard every now and again! Good guy. Lovely wife."
There was silence for a moment as the Queen stared at the mad engineer.
"Wow Mogror....I learn something new about you every day."
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 29, 2009, 07:31:13 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 29, 2009, 07:53:51 pm
Post by: ousire on May 29, 2009, 10:42:53 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 30, 2009, 01:18:00 pm
Anyways, time is going a bit faster now, so its already Spring of 232.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring232.png)
The number of Rebel marksdwarves are dwindling. Lord Lego and Lord Labs, you should feel scared now, as should the rest of the rebels because without the marksdwarves they lose their greatest defense against Urist.
Anyways, this spring some elves came. They managed to sneak up all the way to the gates of Blockedlance in their attempt to enter our cage stockpiles and free their elf kin! Urist had to watch helplessly from atop the temple and hope that these foul rebels could mount the strength to drive off the attack...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringPrisonBreak.png)
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1375-prisonbreak1 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1375-prisonbreak1)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on May 31, 2009, 03:49:28 pm
With the access to new materials and workshops, his hobby crafting went to an obsessive extreme.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringEaglePosession.png)
Over the course of the summer he crafted an artifact dolomite coffer with a picture of a demon on it. Thats about as cool as you can get with a coffer.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringEagleArtifact.png)
He placed the coffer in his cave only to find the place empty and a note from Catten.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringEagleAloneAgain.png)
Eagle,
I was out of powder so Mistem left. I went to town to look for more, but I have found my sister is crippled from trying to commit suicide. Im gonna be living in town for a while. Sorry buddy, I know you like company and all. Sorry Mistem never wanted you to join in, but hey, if you find some powder Im sure shed get with you! Good luck homeskillet!
Catten
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringCattensSisterSuicide.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringCattensSisterSuicide2.png)
Eagle was shocked and saddened by the thought of Catten's little sister trying to kill herself. He tried not to wonder what Catten may have done to the little girl that drove her to it.
Oh well...at least he FINALLY had his cave back all to himself. There was a lot he wanted to do with it. He was gonna tap the Fortress water tunnels and build a well, then pump some of that water up and make a small tower cap garden so he could get wood for more bins and barrels.
Now that it was truly his, he was going to make this place his home.
Post by: MrGimp on May 31, 2009, 04:04:42 pm
He looked over and saw a dwarf hovering in the air, surrounded by blue light.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringCatten.png)
"What the fuck?" he shouted. He pointed at the floating dwarf, then looked to the dwarf next to him. "Do you see that?"
"Yeah, he's been like that for twenty years or so."
"Huh? Hes been floating for twenty years?" asked Catten, shocked.
"Yep. He cant get down."
"Have you tried pulling him down?"
"Well, trouble is hes not really a physical entity as you and I might recognize a physical entity."
Catten just stared blankly. The dwarf sighed then grabbed a small rock off the rough cavern floor. He chucked it at the blue floating dwarf. It went right through him.
"See? We cant even spot him with the V or K commands, he doesnt come up on radar. That dwarf," he explained, "has transcended this reality."
"Wooooowwwwww...." said Catten, still tripping from his last line of quarcaine. He stared at the dwarf floating in the blue light. His mind was utterly blown.
Post by: Eagle on May 31, 2009, 04:07:05 pm
EDIT: Lol, cant see him with the V or K commands. What is he, a glitch? Or a hallucination?
Post by: Hawkfrost on May 31, 2009, 04:11:03 pm
Permafloating creature who is there yet not there.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 31, 2009, 04:14:13 pm
THE GHOST OF OL' TRADANBATTLAN FINALLY HAS HIS REVENGE.
kinda
Post by: MrGimp on May 31, 2009, 05:49:18 pm
Didn't a similar thing happen in another game, but with a goblin?
Permafloating creature who is there yet not there.
Its happened a couple times in different forums stories. Its a known bug. You can get the guy back with Dwarf Companion, which I cant seem to get working.
Post by: MrGimp on May 31, 2009, 05:57:37 pm
Heres your kills so far MadMonkey, youve got two dwarves in there, good job!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterMadMonkeyKills.png)
There is less happy news for Labs however. We were sieged by goblins this year, and in defense of the temple, your dwarf kicked the bucket.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerLabsDead.png)
But look on the bright side....you got a really cool death scene in front of the massive temple fighting goblins! Just picture it! It was glorious!
Post by: Labs on May 31, 2009, 06:11:41 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 31, 2009, 06:34:21 pm
Aww, at least he died fighting like any dwarf should ;D . No vid?
Nah, sorry....I didnt even see it happen, I noticed it later. You werent supposed to even be out there. You ran out there to get bolts or something. Maybe silk. All of a sudden at the bottom it said you had been struck down. The rest of your squad died with you. ;D
Post by: MrGimp on May 31, 2009, 06:35:01 pm
POST #666
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/satan.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/satan.jpg)
Heathens!!! Hear the voice of your God! I am Armok, Lord of All!!! Creator of Life and Death! I play with the universe like a child plays with a toy! Behold the fire demons I have materialized within your fortress! Scream as they burn you alive!!!
MUOOOHOOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1380-firedemons1 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1380-firedemons1)
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1381-firedemons2 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1381-firedemons2)
I laugh as they burn your children!!! Hahaha!!!!!!
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1382-demonkillkid (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1382-demonkillkid)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 31, 2009, 06:39:02 pm
YEEESS!!
EDIT: Just noticed something!
[Nameless Dwarf #445 has created a masterpiece!]
Post by: Christes on May 31, 2009, 07:22:57 pm
Quote
I modded in some fire demons (not spirits of fire).
size 30000 damblock 30000, attack 30000, and two kinds of fire attacks. Plus it has a body temperature of 25000 DF degrees.
um... dude. Think that's enough?
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 31, 2009, 10:01:46 pm
Yay for 666! WE WILL FEAST ON THE FLESH OF YOUR CHILDREN. MEDIUM RARE, IF YOU PLEASE.
Post by: CaptainBlood on June 01, 2009, 02:10:19 am
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: ousire on June 01, 2009, 02:54:28 am
Awesome fire demon of doom! Surprised it got hurt at all hahaSpoiler (click to show/hide)
that is AWSOME
Post by: mythmonster2 on June 01, 2009, 04:31:37 pm
Post by: Christes on June 01, 2009, 06:42:29 pm
Post by: Creamcorn on June 01, 2009, 08:32:34 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 02, 2009, 07:02:50 pm
QuoteI modded in some fire demons (not spirits of fire).
size 30000 damblock 30000, attack 30000, and two kinds of fire attacks. Plus it has a body temperature of 25000 DF degrees.
um... dude. Think that's enough?
To paraphrase Jackrabbit...."MOAR DAKKA!!!!!!"
And no. It wasnt enough.
Post by: MrGimp on June 02, 2009, 07:03:53 pm
Awesome fire demon of doom! Surprised it got hurt at all hahaSpoiler (click to show/hide)
Fuck yeah!
Post by: MrGimp on June 02, 2009, 07:12:10 pm
Christes - The hermit challenge would definitely be better on my FPS. If the forums are ever to have a century long community story, we're going to need there to be only one or a few dwarves.
Creamcorn - Hahaha...before your guy can be made to look like he spiked his brain with a bolt, he needs to get involved with a crazy bitch that wants to kill him. Oh wait....that already happened. Yeah your guys doomed.
Post by: RavingManiac on June 02, 2009, 11:56:03 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 03, 2009, 12:29:25 am
Wait, how did you get the fire demons into the fortress? Did you breach adamantine, or mod some random domestic animal?
I crafted them out of goats.
Post by: MrGimp on June 03, 2009, 12:49:08 am
Well, of the five goats in cages that transformed into fire demons, only one is alive. It appears damblock 30000 is insufficient against dwarven might. Damblock of 50000 overloads the variable. So I cant make anything much stronger than around 32,000-36,000 I believe.
Anyways, this Knighttrusses the Dishonest goals has left the entire inside of the fortress a bloody mess. Look at the stairwell...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterHomeSweetHome.png)
Home Sweet Home, eh?
It appears the Human Diplomat Dunem Trickscars doesnt like it here. Hes stuck. The Guild Representative has been killed. Everything is bashed up and charred. He just shuffles around now.....waiting for the end.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterHomeSweetHome2.png)
Outside, the other four demons didnt manage to do as much damage as Knighttrusses with his dishonest goals. They managed only to wound several military dwarves before succumbing to their axes. However, they did manage to set the place on fire, and four dwarves were burnt alive in the ensuing fun!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterFireKills.png)
Well Knighttrusses here is wounded....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterDemon3.png)
..and is (somewhat) easy pickings for a few champions that gangbang him. The bridges that link the fortress to the outside world were burnt up in the fight. The rebels are completely cut off now. Most of their military remains outside the fortress beyond the moat.
They will surely starve...
Post by: Jackrabbit on June 03, 2009, 02:07:44 am
Post by: MrGimp on June 03, 2009, 02:25:32 am
Ha! Dumb rebels. Always starving. Will they ever learn?
Hey you're out there too y'know! ;D
Post by: Jackrabbit on June 03, 2009, 05:17:55 am
Post by: mythmonster2 on June 03, 2009, 01:47:07 pm
Post by: Creamcorn on June 03, 2009, 05:31:11 pm
Creamcorn - Hahaha...before your guy can be made to look like he spiked his brain with a bolt, he needs to get involved with a crazy bitch that wants to kill him. Oh wait....that already happened. Yeah your guys doomed.
Hmmm? Can it involve alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol? Or maybe chains, lots and lots of chains. Or how about losing consciousness?
Post by: Jackrabbit on June 04, 2009, 05:25:41 am
Post by: Labs on June 04, 2009, 11:57:04 am
Post by: Christes on June 04, 2009, 02:09:37 pm
Sapient computers have to start somewhere. :P
Post by: MrGimp on June 04, 2009, 02:51:12 pm
At least they're trying to join in on the conversation.
Sapient computers have to start somewhere. :P
Lol, thats one way of looking at it! I thought the bot did pretty good. The only things that give it away are 1 - the link for Refrigerator Water Filters, and 2 - answering a question no one asked.
Post by: MrGimp on June 04, 2009, 02:54:21 pm
Creamcorn - Hahaha...before your guy can be made to look like he spiked his brain with a bolt, he needs to get involved with a crazy bitch that wants to kill him. Oh wait....that already happened. Yeah your guys doomed.
Hmmm? Can it involve alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol? Or maybe chains, lots and lots of chains. Or how about losing consciousness?
It will involve quarcaine. Mountains and mountains of quarcaine.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/tony.jpg)
Post by: Creamcorn on June 04, 2009, 04:16:21 pm
Creamcorn - Hahaha...before your guy can be made to look like he spiked his brain with a bolt, he needs to get involved with a crazy bitch that wants to kill him. Oh wait....that already happened. Yeah your guys doomed.
Hmmm? Can it involve alcohol, lots and lots of alcohol? Or maybe chains, lots and lots of chains. Or how about losing consciousness?
It will involve quarcaine. Mountains and mountains of quarcaine.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/tony.jpg)
._. . . . awesome
Post by: Jackrabbit on June 04, 2009, 05:43:27 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 05, 2009, 12:53:29 pm
To them I just remind them that dwarven metabolism is different, and hey, flour gets em high alright? Thats why things made with flour are so valuable in the dwarven economy.
Think about it.
Post by: MrGimp on June 05, 2009, 01:17:51 pm
Anyways....probably wont have DF time for a week or so.
But until then give me some feedback on how you think Urist should respond to this turn of events. Heres some options she has...
A - Let the rebel military starve, then come back out of the temple. (Theres a risk they might rebuild the bridges....Myth has been ordered to rebuild them, but hes busy making coffins at the moment)
B - Open the forge doors so that Urist and the loyalists can get back into the Fortress proper and forbid the birdges from being rebuilt. Myth could be burned alive for treason, and the Eribite Heir can be left to rot as a paralyzed cripple for the rest of his days.
C - Do something with dwarf companion where all the rebels trapped outside go berserk. (Someones gonna need to help me get companion working for this one, I am an idiot)
D - Just wait for more
Post by: Creamcorn on June 05, 2009, 02:34:53 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on June 05, 2009, 04:35:18 pm
Post by: Zulaf on June 06, 2009, 12:04:06 am
EDIT: Oh course by let me handle it i mean you just write something witty and funny in, dont let me do any writing.... i blow when it comes to the word making and writing.
Post by: MrGimp on June 06, 2009, 05:01:51 am
The word you were looking for was consecration, (although given these dwarves peculiar religious traditions, I suppose it could be called consummation too! ;D ) but I already reopened the forges without a consecration/consummation. My bad.
Ill try to work one in later though. I definitely want your High Priest Kulaka breeding a line of Armok worshippers with the High Priestess.....so we'll need consummations. You might as well consecrate while you consummate, thats what I always say.
Post by: mythmonster2 on June 07, 2009, 08:15:32 pm
Post by: Christes on June 08, 2009, 07:47:06 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on June 08, 2009, 08:02:28 pm
I'm glad Christes didn't live to see this :PAre you kidding?!
We both died right before the good part!!
Post by: Christes on June 09, 2009, 12:30:13 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 11, 2009, 03:22:14 pm
"Ow my head!" shouted Tadan. He looked up to see what they had floated into. It was Armok himself, standing with his arms crossed and a crooked smile on his face. His eyes squinted sinisterly as he looked down at the two dwarves. "ARMOK!!!" Tradan had already run into him before.
"Armok?!" shouted Christes, remembering Tradan telling her that Armok stopped by only to take joy in tortute. Christes wished the 10,000 years was up, and they could be dead already. Wishes never come true.
Armok uncrossed his arms, and raised his right hand high above his head. In it he held a flayed whip, and each tattered end had shards of jagged broken glass attached to them.
"NOOOOO!!!!!!!" the two dwarves shrieked in utter terror as the demon slashed the whip down and across their once
Post by: Tradanbattlan on June 11, 2009, 04:14:05 pm
I bet our faces look better than the average dwarf's face right now.
Post by: Jackrabbit on June 11, 2009, 04:53:50 pm
Post by: CaptainBlood on June 11, 2009, 06:07:19 pm
Post by: CaptainBlood on June 11, 2009, 06:10:12 pm
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 11, 2009, 07:18:37 pm
Post by: Eagle on June 11, 2009, 08:38:31 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 11, 2009, 11:27:39 pm
Byakugan - Did you still want a dwarf? You asked 5 pages back, but I guess you didnt see my reply. The rat weed hasnt destroyed my memory totally, I still know I need to add you. You wanted to be one of the Eribites but theyre all dead except the heir/mayor. If you want to be one of the true believers you can be the High Priestess or the Dungeon Master. Otherwise you can be a rebel military dwarf and await starvation/execution/death by fire demon.
Eagle - Your cave is coming along. You built a pump and managed to seal yourself off before the fire demons showed up. Your tower cap farm is starting to sprout, and you have a well. You are now totally self-reliant, unless you get wounded somehow. The only problem is all that damn stone. Its cluttering your tower caps!
Jackrabbit - Yeah Im just gonna randomly beat, cripple, and mutilate them just for the hell of it.
Tradanbattlan - Good point....Ill fix it...
Post by: Christes on June 12, 2009, 10:22:39 am
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 12, 2009, 12:30:21 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 12, 2009, 02:13:48 pm
Hmm...you killed off the caravan? That means you're going to get a human siege next summer, in all likeliness. For an interesting perspective, make me one of the local leaders there (if there are any) and write my reaction to what I see when my squad gets there. Or, instead of a dwarf...why not the crippled fire demon? I'd like to see the story from it's point of view, to be honest-that is, if they are even capable of sentient thought at all. Especially if/when it gets killed, and even as it is it'd be interesting given how it has been brought low by mortals. I still need more time to think up an actual dwarf character (one that *isn't* insane), but I am interested in seeing the story from these alternate viewpoints.
I didnt kill off the caravan, the demons did! These humies better not attack me for it! Im actually really bummed the guild representative died. The dwarf representative has been dead for about 30 years. So the humans were the only ones who could fill my nobles' mandates. Until I get Companion working even my relatively placid Duchess is gonna be a pain in the ass.
BTW - the wounded demon is already dead...
Quote
Well Knighttrusses here is wounded....
..and is (somewhat) easy pickings for a few champions that gangbang him.
But I really like the idea of making you one of the human leaders so we can hear other perspectives on Blockedlance! Ill make you the ruler. All hail Byakugan, Merchant Prince of our Human allies!
Post by: MrGimp on June 12, 2009, 02:23:54 pm
I assume Armok is basically torturing all of the dead dwarves? That's a lot actually.
Hey Armok always finds time for torture, no matter how busy he is! haha
Nah, actually, since there are dozens upon dozens of hells, and an unknown number of blazes, pseudo-hells, and not-so-nice places, a dead dwarf might find themselves anywhere. Most of them simply die though, and their soul gets eaten by Armok right away. Only important or memorable dwarves will be worthy enough to transcend death and find themselves in a hell.
You see, it is a tremendous honor to get to spend ten thousand years in The Hell of the Infinite Void before you are forever erased from existence! ;D
Post by: MrGimp on June 12, 2009, 02:45:16 pm
Another servant came in with several plates of food on a silver tray. Eberdek's mouth watered, and at the same time his heart was beginning to pound harder, as it always did as he began his duties.
Calm down Eberdek, faster heart rate means poison flows quicker, he thought to himself. He took a deep breath and tried to calm his nerves.
He began taking a bite off of each plate. Quarry Bush Salad with wild strawberries, plump helmets, and topped with grated dwarven cheese. Scrumptious. Horse Meat Roast sauteed with a sweet and sour sauce made form dimple cup spawn and sun berry seeds. Delicious. Cave wheat toast with purring maggot butter. Mouth watering. And finally a nice desert tart stuffed with prickleberry jam, dusted with dwarven sugar, and smothered in dwarven syrup.
At the end of it Eberdek sat bloated and contented. He loosened his belt and sat back, hoping to not die. An hour glass was turned over and the countdown began. The sand ran out three times, and the hourglass was flipped three times. At the end of the seeming eternity, Eberdek was still conscious. The Queen then came into the room and began her meal. Eberdek's bank account was credited with one dwarfbuck, and he was sent on his way.
Post by: Jim Groovester on June 12, 2009, 02:51:58 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 12, 2009, 04:16:33 pm
"Well right now all we know is what we saw, a bunch of smoke, and flaming demons burning everything down," said Lord Dullard.
"Do you think they struck another chasm within the adamantine?" asked MadMonkey.
"Bah! They wouldnt have survived that!" quipped Lord Montague.
"Agreed. I dont think it was demons from another pit. The ancients didnt cluster their demon prisons so close together," said Urist. Mogror nodded in agreement, having personal knowledge that this was true.
"The bridges are burned, their military is trapped...while they are divided we MUST attack! Why are we even talking about this?" asked Lord Montague, growing impatient.
"Well we cant open ourselves up to the demons! We cant reopen the gates to the fortress until we know for sure that its safe in there!" shouted Lord Dullard. "We dont have the manpower to risk!"
There was silence as they pondered this last part. It was correct, their numbers were few.
At last Urist spoke. "It is dangerous to risk it, but it is dangerous to sit and wait for death, too. That is MY fortress, by right of might, not by privelage of birth!!! Lord Dullard, get your men prepared, then meet me here on the morrow. Be suited up and ready to fight, you too MadMonkey. Mogror, before nightfall, do some routine inspections on all the levers, gears, and floodgates so that we can be sure of their functionality if we need to reseal the temple at a moments notice."
"Aye," the dwarves agreed.
"Armok be with us gentlemen," said the Queen as she dismissed them. Then she set off to the temple altar to spend the evening in prayer.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on June 12, 2009, 04:19:56 pm
They are going to be soooo vulnerable...
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 12, 2009, 04:45:50 pm
Post by: Eagle on June 12, 2009, 04:59:05 pm
Post by: mythmonster2 on June 12, 2009, 10:38:46 pm
*5 seconds later all rebels are dead or captured*
Post by: Jim Groovester on June 12, 2009, 10:39:35 pm
Know what would be interesting? Slipping some poison into the dish that would make Eberdek go crazy and try to attack the queen, instead of trying to kill Urist outright.
That would be an interesting possibility, but who among Armok's chosen would betray Queen Urist with such a cunning plan?
Grigrak hates Armok. No fun to talk to at all, always going on about torture and eating and souls.
Post by: MrGimp on June 14, 2009, 03:34:36 am
Must resist....urge....to speak....in.....C++ code.........
int stress=0;
int pateince=100;
int ratWeed=420;
bool smokeBowl=false;
for(int i=0;i<420;i++)
{
stress++;
}
if(stress>69)
{
patience-=1;
smokeBowl=true;
}
while(smokeBowl==true)
{
stress=0;
ratWeed--;
smokeBowl=false;
}
if(ratWeed<=0)
{
bool blowBrainsOut=true;
}
else
{
bool copeWithLife=true;
}
C++ is awesome. Behold the code that brought forth Dwarf Fortress! Yeah!
C++ is hard as shit though. An elf could code xhtml and css. Javascript can be annoying. But C++ is pure orgasmic thought engineering surpassed only by primordial binary code.
001101101110101001010001000010101110111001010101000101110010100101110111010010101010101001001001011101011101111111101010101000010101010101011101110111010001011101101101101010111010110100001001
Oops....sorry...I slipped into binary code there for a moment. You know....it gets really annoying to have to talk to you non silicon based life forms sometimes...
;D
Post by: Christes on June 14, 2009, 01:21:38 pm
Better add a ratWeed++ in there somewhere
Post by: Zulaf on June 14, 2009, 01:38:59 pm
C++ is hard as shit though.
I know.... =( Iv been reading the tut on the C++ site and I'm getting my brain beaten up, its the damned pointers i cant understand them.
I took a look at python awhile ago but I figured I should stick with C++ before I learn something else, I don't want to be getting my code mixed up.
Iv also had an idea for learning C++, basically someone makes a simple program(open source so ppl can look at the code) like a simple turn based strategy game explain what all the code does, then make the game more advanced(same game, more code, option,units, buildings ext) then continue to explain the code. something like that, I dont know how well it would work but it was just a thought.
Post by: Org on June 14, 2009, 01:44:14 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 14, 2009, 02:00:55 pm
Am I still alive?
Actually, your dwarf Bowbeard got beaten to death by the Queen herself.
Middle of page 39. Youre the only forum dwarf killed by Urist so far. It's quite an honor!
Post by: Org on June 14, 2009, 02:04:07 pm
Can I take another dwarf?Am I still alive?
Actually, your dwarf Bowbeard got beaten to death by the Queen herself.
Middle of page 39. Youre the only forum dwarf killed by Urist so far. It's quite an honor!
If so, id like another crossbowdorf.
Boltbeard
Post by: MrGimp on June 14, 2009, 02:15:05 pm
Can I take another dwarf?Am I still alive?
Actually, your dwarf Bowbeard got beaten to death by the Queen herself.
Middle of page 39. Youre the only forum dwarf killed by Urist so far. It's quite an honor!
If so, id like another crossbowdorf.
Boltbeard
Uhhhh.....all the marksdwarves are dead except for Lord Lego and maybe one or two more. Theyre all about to starve to death though. You can be a loyalist axedwarf under Lord Dullard though. They might survive a bit longer. Or you could wait (for a long time) for a migrant who worships Armok.
Available Armok/Ber Steelearthen Worshippers
Duchess
High Priestess
Duchess' four daughters (one of them is the property of Mogror Harbett)
Post by: Org on June 14, 2009, 02:17:18 pm
Petbeard
Post by: MrGimp on June 14, 2009, 02:25:32 pm
C++ is hard as shit though.
I know.... =( Iv been reading the tut on the C++ site and I'm getting my brain beaten up, its the damned pointers i cant understand them.
Pointers can be awkward at first, but in the long run they are sooooo much better than arrays. Everything can be stored in one dimension with pointers. Like if you had a two dimensional table of data, like an excel spreadsheet, array notation is a pain in the ass. Everything has to go to double for loops to initialize or access the array elements, and its confusing. Bah! Pointers make it simple with just one number. The more dimensions, the more necessary pointers become.
Array Pointer
spreadsheet[10][10]; *(sPtr+100);
spreadsheet[10][10][10]; *(sPtr+1000);
spreadsheet[10][10][10][10]; *(sPtr+10000);
No matter how many dimensions, Pointers can be filled with one for loop, because theres only one dimension. Dynamically allocated pointers can be a problem though....you gotta remember to delete everything before the end of the program. Still less pain than arrays.
Post by: MrGimp on June 14, 2009, 02:26:37 pm
DM is mine.
Petbeard
Sure, I should be back in the DF world tomorrow. Tonight is my last night of programming slavery (for a few weeks at least).
Post by: MrGimp on June 15, 2009, 10:52:51 pm
"Why haven't the bridges been rebuilt?" yelled Myth.
"B-br-bridges?" stuttered the half nutters mason.
"Ugh!!! You're mind is as shattered as the mayors isnt it? Bloody hells, I should've had YOU haul the bodies...but I knew you couldnt take it, so I had you rebuild the bridge, and you cant even do that!?!? By the Gods!!!"
"We must stay sealed!!!" cried the scared mad dwarf. Myth slapped him across the face.
"Get ahold of yourself you sunavabitch!" He sighed, then gave up. "We'll be safer when we have our military beside us! Just STAY HERE."
Myth marched off back to the old hospital, where the Eribite mayor lay. The guards were with him. Myth whistled as he entered the room to get everyones attention. "Men, I'm gonna need you to build a bridge!"
"A what?"
"A bridge. You know, wood over water? In fact, let us make stone bridges this time. Then they wont burn down!"
"Sorry sir, we cant build no bridges."
"What? Why not?" Myth asked, exasperated.
"We're champions sir!" they shouted in unison, incredulous at being asked to build such things.
"Holy mother of Erib....look...can you guys at least put your damn armor on? We could be attacked by demons at any moment! Why arent you sparring or something? Get ready!" Myth slammed the door. My Gods, he thought. What a bunch of bastards! He looked to his left and saw the last freemason carrying a bucket of water. "What are you doing?"
"The mayor sir. Our wounded leader needs water."
"Damnit! I told you to stay in the dining hall. From now on Im in charge, and the mayor isnt to be given any water...got it?" Myth was enraged at this point. The mason nodded and dropped the bucket, then skulked off.
"I gotta do everything around here dont I?" Myth stormed off to grab some dolomite for the bridges.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on June 15, 2009, 10:55:28 pm
He is letting his nerves get the best of him!!
BTW, how is the tomb coming along?
Are our coffins fine and dandeh?
Post by: MrGimp on June 16, 2009, 04:03:21 am
Hahahahaha!!
He is letting his nerves get the best of him!!
BTW, how is the tomb coming along?
Are our coffins fine and dandeh?
There are more tombs than residences. There are many levels for the dead. You have to be specific when it comes to Blockedlance. Which tombs are you referring to?
Do you mean the catacombs? Theyre getting bigger every season. I just built a new wing. The stone isnt even cleared off the floor and its almost full. Ive added a little bit to the nobles' tombs, too. Or were you talking about the Dwarven Valhalla? That projects on hold and has been for a while. I have done a bit of work on the floor above it, though. The Valhalla will be huge. Three floors at least. With a river damnit. And tower caps.
Post by: MrGimp on June 16, 2009, 04:16:09 am
Myth was brought the great news the next morning. After the mayor's meager rations of mushrooms and water were cut off, his body gave in to his crippling wounds. The last few remaining guards that had been trained and paid by the House of Erib were shocked and horrified at the sudden loss of their patron. The future seemed absolutely bleak.
"What ever shall we do, sir?" asked a guard, with tears nearly forming in his eyes.
"Pfff....I dont know about you but I gotta go take a shit," said Myth as he took off down the hall whistling merrily. He had every reason to be happy. His last rival for power was dead, now he controlled the fortress. With the queen locked in the temple, and the military soon to be back indoors, Myth felt relaxed and confident as he squatted in the morning sun.
Post by: Jackrabbit on June 16, 2009, 04:33:33 am
Hey, was that the last Erebite or did I miscalculate (blech, I'm tired)
Post by: MrGimp on June 16, 2009, 05:20:12 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on June 16, 2009, 12:24:20 pm
Hahahahaha!!I mean Christes and My coffins.
He is letting his nerves get the best of him!!
BTW, how is the tomb coming along?
Are our coffins fine and dandeh?
I wanna know if they are safe! :3
There are more tombs than residences. There are many levels for the dead. You have to be specific when it comes to Blockedlance. Which tombs are you referring to?
Do you mean the catacombs? Theyre getting bigger every season. I just built a new wing. The stone isnt even cleared off the floor and its almost full. Ive added a little bit to the nobles' tombs, too. Or were you talking about the Dwarven Valhalla? That projects on hold and has been for a while. I have done a bit of work on the floor above it, though. The Valhalla will be huge. Three floors at least. With a river damnit. And tower caps.
Post by: MrGimp on June 16, 2009, 01:46:26 pm
But its all unfinished. I havent put any statues in there or things like that up. And the Valhalla cave is only 1/3rd or 1/4th carved out.
Post by: MrGimp on June 16, 2009, 02:00:00 pm
As he rounded the main corridor he was shocked to find a sword in his face. His men were stripped naked, blindfolded, and chained and shackled together in a line. MadMonkey24 was holding the sword to his throat, Myth could see the demon engraved into it. He admired the fine detail.
"The jigs up, loser," quipped MadMonkey24. Myth couldnt believe it. He looked towards his chained hapless men.
"You idiots! I was only gone for fifteen minutes!!!" shouted Myth.
One of the axelords came out of the old hospital, and informed Lord Dullard that the mayor was dead. Lord Dullard was visibly shaken by the news.
"Oh wow....the queen is NOT going to like this. She really wanted to torture that guy," Lord Dullard thought for a moment, then stared at Myth. "Okay men, take these prisoners down to the temple. Let me help you with that one, Monk'."
"Sure," said MadMonkey, never taking his eyes off his captive. "Ohhh man I wouldn't want to be you right now! Hahaha!"
Post by: Tradanbattlan on June 16, 2009, 02:02:26 pm
I bet if Myth had been taking a dump in the fortress this wouldnt have happened!
(but that wouldnt be so sanitary)
Post by: mythmonster2 on June 16, 2009, 03:20:05 pm
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 16, 2009, 07:18:31 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 16, 2009, 07:24:50 pm
Myth was blindfolded, along with his men, but he recognized Urist's voice when she spoke.
"You think you are all about to die a quick death, yes?" asked the Queen as she paced back and forth, looking the prisoners up and down. "Well what makes you think Im gonna be so nice, hmmm?"
Myth felt dizzy.
"Let it not be said that I am without mercy, for I will grant you death. We are preparing a room full of single wooden spikes. As soon as it's ready you lot are going in there. Your death will not be quick. For now, you will be locked up in the old hospital." She stopped in front of Myth. "Lock this one in the tower, his fate alone shall be different." Immediately two guards came and dragged Myth away. More guards stepped forward to drag off the rest of the rebels.
"Great Priest," summoned Urist. High Priest Kulaka stepped forward from the shadowy depths of the altar. "Have the peasant quarters drained."
"Yes, your majesty," said the High Priest as he bowed. The main lever control room for the fortress' water system was located inside the temple, under the direction of the Dungeon Master Petbeard. Kulaka made the Queens will known, and soon, the appropriate lever was pulled.
To the north of the fortress, Jazz stood on a rocky crag at the base of the mountain. He was foraging for food; berries, rats, cockroaches...anything. Suddenly a torrent of water burst forth from the rock itself, flowing into a small natural trench. Jazz was awed by the power of this place.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringJazz.png)
Post by: Creamcorn on June 16, 2009, 07:26:25 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on June 16, 2009, 07:32:09 pm
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 16, 2009, 07:34:02 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 16, 2009, 07:44:11 pm
Well, you might be a Napoleon, but you never had the army. BTW, framerate question: how much gobbo stuff is lying around the map? I found my framerate on one map instantly improved one i started smelting the gobbo stuff. By the way, how's the diplomat? You'll want one of the two, diplomat or liasion, alive to get back into trade with the humans-you *can* go back to peace without a diplomat. But my liasion was still alive at the time, so that might have been because he was still around.
Yeah framerate has taken another dump since the added power generation, the added length of the nobles cave river, and the gazillion goblin thongs out on the field of battle. Thats why Im emptying the peasant quarters. It will add some FPS (hopefully). If only I had magma I could just burn up all that goblin crap, then melt the metal in my forges. I try to atom smash some of it...but thats tedious.
As for the flood, that drainage duct was carved out along with the original flooding mechanism. Its all part of one big system. Also of note, this system is being tapped unbeknownst to Urist. Eagle uses it for drinking water.
Post by: MrGimp on June 16, 2009, 07:50:09 pm
"Ah still alive, I see!"
"Yes, your majesty," smiled Eberdek awkwardly. He scurried off as soon as she entered the room. She had made it known several times before that she didnt like his peasant stink.
Urist sat down to eat. Something was missing. She looked off to the corner.
"Kurk, have you been practicing your rose quartz harp?"
"Yes, your majesty," mumbled Kurk Quorcane, grunge harpist.
"Good....play me something while I eat."
Kurk rolled his eyes as the queen stuffed her face with delicacies. He had not eaten much more than a couple dried mushrooms in the past few days. He wearily played his harp for the sick twisted bitch.
Post by: Jackrabbit on June 16, 2009, 08:00:38 pm
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 16, 2009, 08:20:16 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 16, 2009, 11:12:45 pm
Yeah I turn off the temperature when I dont need it too, and the weather and cave-ins. I also embarked on a tiny ass 3x3. And I had to make a choice between magma and an underground river, cuz I cant have both. At the end of the day I really just need to invest some money to upgrade this clunker. Its about eight years old now. Probably more.
Post by: MrGimp on June 16, 2009, 11:36:41 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring233.png)
We havent had this few dwarves in over twenty years. Its pretty cool! ;D
Outside the walls, despair sets in. In a hopeless gamble to survive, two non-military dwarves that had been caught outside at the time of the demon attack started to dig into the mountainside.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringNewCave.png)
They had no seeds, no skills in mining or plant gathering or farming. All they had was the hunger in their bellies.
Eagle could faintly hear the noises of their picks, and feel the vibrations in the stone. He went outside and snuck around, peering down the mountainside to see what was going on. It was then that he saw the flooded plain below.
"Holy Mother of Osram!" he shouted.
He had worked on the drainage tunnels as well as the flooding tunnels, thats how he had known how to tap the pipes. However, seeing them in action was awe-inspiring....and fear-inducing. This level of engineering had not been seen since the time of the ancients! Eagle looked over and saw the new rows of windmills. This place was following in the foot steps of the great Olonkulet, the city that was sealed away well over a thousand years ago, at the beginning of the great dark age.
Would Blockedlance - the great new mountainhome Rifotkubuk - lead the dwarves back to the high path walked by Olonkulet in its golden age? Or would it lead the world back into a thousand years of demonic darkness, as the great brass city of gears had done?
Eagle had no answers. He knew only that he wished to stay safe and sound in his abode. He would escape the destruction of the world in his hermit cave.
Post by: Jackrabbit on June 17, 2009, 01:02:28 am
Post by: Zulaf on June 17, 2009, 12:18:11 pm
Also thanks for the help with the pointers, Although I havent realy felt like learning the language as of late. Sometimes when i read the tut it just seems to drag on and on about something without getting to the point.
That was not a pun, it just sounded like one.
Post by: Argonnek on June 17, 2009, 05:38:02 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 19, 2009, 10:48:49 am
Go Eagle! Hey, has Jazz died yet?
Nah, but hes starving. All the military dwarves are. Which is actually going to be a part of the story pretty soon.
How my relations with the high priestess? has it gotten to Bow chika bow wow(or should I say meow chika meow meow?) stage yet?
You guys were passing-acquaintances finally, now for some reason you still list her as that, but she doesnt have you in her list at all. She eats next to you everday, she sleeps next to you every night, and yet, she doesnt seem to know who the hell you are.
How's my Dwarf doing, BTW?
Still alive, in with the Armok worshippers. Now they all have access to the entire fortress, except for outside the moat.
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 19, 2009, 11:00:22 am
Post by: MrGimp on June 19, 2009, 02:16:40 pm
The Grand Vizier spoke. "My liege, it has been several seasons now. I do not think our representatives are comning back!"
"What's the latest from our scouts?"
"Nothing new to report, sire. No new scouts have reported in from the south since that column of spoke was seen coming from the dwarf settlement."
"How vexing..." mumbled the Prince. "You don't think the demons have returned to haunt those dwarves again do you?"
"Hmph, humbly your majesty, I would say that there never were any demons. Not now, not thirty years ago, not ever! Those dwarves killed our diplomats and traders. They're mad!"
"But the fires...the demon sightings?" asked the Prince.
"Dwarves have a marked propensity for blowing things up, your majesty. There is no need to invoke demons. How many times have our scouts reported Blockedlance bursting into flames? It must be over a dozen at last count. It couldn't have been demons every time. Nay! Verily I contest the claims of witnesses of demonic apparitions, and charge them with likely superstition and excessive fear!"
"Hmmm," thought Prince Byakugan. "You make a compelling case...but this would be an act of war by the dwarves. Perhaps our men died in the fire? Or were killed by bandits on the way? In any event, I am not ready to attack the dwarves, their exports and offerings to us are valued at over a hundred thousand in silver coins!"
"Your majesty," the Grand Vizier said as he slithered in close. "This may be the perfect opportunity to attack the dwarves and seize the adamnatine mines for ourselves!"
There was silence for a moment.
"I dont know if Im prepared for that..." spoke the Prince at last.
"Your majesty, they killed our diplomats!"
"We dont know that!" shouted Prince Byakugan. "Look, have the Baron send a team of riders to the south. When they report back to me with their findings, THEN I will make a decision."
"Yes your majesty..." muttered the Grand Vizier in disappointment.
Post by: Creamcorn on June 19, 2009, 05:45:56 pm
Because I forgot. :(
Post by: Org on June 19, 2009, 06:00:14 pm
has he gotten all the kittens out of his beard yet?
Post by: Jackrabbit on June 19, 2009, 07:35:30 pm
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 19, 2009, 07:59:32 pm
Grand Viziers are evil. Narrative causality. This prince needs to read more Discworld.
Truth be told, I don't know where to even START. So all my Pratchet lore comes from the tvtropes pages about the series. And that's in RL.
Post by: Jackrabbit on June 19, 2009, 08:24:18 pm
Grand Viziers are evil. Narrative causality. This prince needs to read more Discworld.
Truth be told, I don't know where to even START. So all my Pratchet lore comes from the tvtropes pages about the series. And that's in RL.
I started at the beginning but you don't need too, really. You just need to start at the start of an arc. I recommend 'Guards, Guards!' because it introduces the most loved characters in the series, the night watch. Also, it's really really funny. It's really impressive how he can write fantasy all the time and still change genres. The night watch books are mostly crime mysteries.
Post by: Eagle on June 19, 2009, 11:01:51 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 20, 2009, 12:01:24 am
When was the last mention of Quarcane or whatever the hell I called him?
Because I forgot. :(
You've been into the rat weed again havent you? You just got mentioned! lol
You are Urists entertainment while she eats. You play her your grunge music on a rose quartz harp.
How is Petbeard?
has he gotten all the kittens out of his beard yet?
Petbeard just got mentioned, too! You took over the Hammerer's execution functions. You run the lever control room that controls all the traps and flooding gizmos. At least until we get another Armok worshipping Hammerer. That might be a while though.
Post by: MrGimp on June 20, 2009, 12:03:59 am
Grand Viziers are evil. Narrative causality.
Totally. I mean, only evil people would even WANT to be the Grand Vizier, you know? And it's a useful plot device. He brought that caricature of himself upon himself.
Post by: MrGimp on June 20, 2009, 12:18:03 am
Urist had wonderful news, and one of the first people she wanted to tell it to was of course Mogror Harbett, her kindred spirit in affairs of demon worship and Machiavellian power addiction. Strangely, he was nowhere to be found. For days, a search went throughout the temple and fortress underground. His last known position was eventually tracked down, his job had been to build a floodgate. Well lo and behold, he was found still there, trapped in the narrow flood tunnels. He was starving and dehydrated. When the floodgate was torn down Mogror shoved everyone out of the way and made a bee line for the beer.
Even booze could not calm his trauma, however...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringMogrorTantrum.png)
As the rebel champions began dropping liking flies, this should have been a happy moment. But Mogror cursed and spat at everyone for leaving him in there for nearly a season. Urist tried to look the other way when he tantrumed repeatedly...but she was afraid she would soon be compelled to beat him down in the name of dwarven justice.
When he finally calmed down, she told him of the momentous event that had just occured. Some random dwarf had gone crazy...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringPossession.png)
Out of his industriousness and labor, the most valuable object in all of Sil Gomath lay before the Queen's eyes. It was an adamantine table worth nearly one million copper coins! It had an image of itself on it (of course) and it also had an image of the old dwarven king, being coronated back in 162, before the fall of Letterclose, back during the golden age of the Ageless Matched Lashes.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringArtifactTable.png)
She immediately dubbed the craftsdwarf 'Nightwing', an honorary dwarven title of awesomeness. The table was of course placed in Urist's dining room. The old platinum table was thrown to the peasants like the discarded worthless fecal matter that it had become.
Post by: MrGimp on June 20, 2009, 12:27:25 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringSugarRoast.png)
Eberdek was about to snap. He couldnt bring himself to even LOOK at one more coagulated caramalized crystalized chunk of alcoholic sugar. He became sick and started having horrible dreams, dreams of freedom from being Urists slave, freedom from her poisonous food......
What was he thinking? He was loyal to his Queen. She provided him with a greater quality of life than she provided most of the dwarves here. He was crazy to think such hateful thoughts. Still....something inside him seethed with rage...
Post by: ousire on June 20, 2009, 12:50:45 am
Post by: Creamcorn on June 20, 2009, 09:37:30 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on June 20, 2009, 10:15:48 am
Post by: MrGimp on June 20, 2009, 03:17:22 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringHeroes.png)
Between the four dwarves there are over 300 kills. They are heroes. And yet they are traitors.
Okay everyone, vote now, what do we do with Akigagak? Let him starve? Let him live?
Post by: Zulaf on June 20, 2009, 04:23:13 pm
Oh ya the vote.... let them in...
Post by: Labs on June 20, 2009, 04:39:05 pm
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 20, 2009, 04:41:29 pm
Edit: And I'm still curious to know what happened to the diplomat
Post by: Eagle on June 20, 2009, 06:33:45 pm
Actually that'd be pretty cool. But Urist still does have Armok on her side, and Eagle doesnt really have anything/anyone to back him up.
Post by: Iituem on June 20, 2009, 06:38:57 pm
Periodically, they should be allowed to come into the arena to try and fight for their freedom.
Any survivors can then be impaled as they try and walk through a 'victory hallway' out of there. ¬.¬
Post by: Eagle on June 20, 2009, 06:46:00 pm
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 20, 2009, 07:07:09 pm
Edit: If you could make them local leaders of the human civ somehow, they might return to fight with an army at their backs! Just something I thought of, maybe it's possible with dwarf companion.
Post by: MrGimp on June 21, 2009, 02:41:39 pm
Typical dwarven response. ;D
Yeah I guess I could rearrange the arena to include a death pit. Why not?
Post by: MrGimp on June 21, 2009, 02:43:29 pm
Well, looks like I won't be getting an eribite/dwarven turncoat advisor to replace (with an axe, most likely) the scheming vizier, then. Or maybe I still might...either way though, it will be interesting.
Edit: If you could make them local leaders of the human civ somehow, they might return to fight with an army at their backs! Just something I thought of, maybe it's possible with dwarf companion.
Yeah I dont know....can you rename other civs leaders with companion? Not that I have even gotten that working. Havent even had time to try in forever.
EDIT - Oh and as for your earlier question, the Human diplomat is still alive, but still trapped. He was free to leave before the demons arrived however, as was the caravan. There was no real reason for them to be in the part of the fortress they were in. It was a glitch and then they got stuck there for several seasons. Thats when I unleashed the demons on em.
But they were all buggered up from not being able to reach the Depot I think. So even if I build the bridges...he wont ever leave. Hes stuck with the dwarves till the end of the ride it appears.
Post by: CaptainBlood on June 21, 2009, 07:50:13 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 22, 2009, 03:02:51 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Notice the road vandalism. Plus the demons destroyed some of it too.
One level into the depths of this horrible place, and we have the peasant quarters, still sopping wet and moldy. Giant mushrooms with towering caps are sprouting up everywhere. You can also see the expansion of the temple's lower quarters to house more Armok worshippers, and also the future path of our to-be-expanded moat.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
One floor further down and we have the one brief bright spot on this mine to hell, though it still stinks like death and has bloodstains on the walls. It's the noble quarters and it includes the Priestly dwellings, the palace and the mostly finished Noble Cave River Garden. I still have to flood it to get it to have tower caps. Then the river needs to continue on somewhere else.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
As we journey deeper we find ourselves in the dark and silent catacombs. Hundreds of dwarven bodies, dumped in coffins then crammed together in the most efficient burial arrangement possible. Also of note is Urist's private river garden, plus stockpile of booze, food, and an area for Armok worshipping masons, mechanics, and stonecrafters to practice their trade.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Then there is another level for the dead. These are the noble dead. The Duke is buried here, with tombs for each of his five children and wife. The Dungeon Masters new tomb is here, plus the Eribite tombs. Also, the Queen has plans to build a tower cap farm here on this level. Then there is the pit that Grigrak died in once, we still have our bronze atomsmasher there.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Deeper and deeper we go. Four more levels or so and we reach another burial level for our dead. This is the barely begun Dwarven Valhalla Cave. Theres another level above it being carved out to roughly match it. There will probably soon be another level above that, then all the levels will be channeled, leaving a big massive hole in the rock with tombs all over and a river running through it. Thats the plan anyways.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Eagle on June 22, 2009, 03:16:03 pm
On a side note, where does Eagle tap the cave river? Or is that not on one of the levels shown? Also, could i get a screenshot of his cave, as well as see the current state of the outside army? Thanks in advance.
Post by: Jim Groovester on June 22, 2009, 04:23:50 pm
Then there is the pit that Grigrak died in once, we still have our bronze atomsmasher there.
I think you should keep close track of where and how Grigrak has died and what his incarnation was at the time, and then make a special map noting each location. That way, we (I?) can see the many ways he has suffered at the hands of Queen Urist.
I don't think I've seen a player so willing to subject his own fort to so much destruction. I think you need a special commendation for that.
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 22, 2009, 05:00:58 pm
I second the motion.Then there is the pit that Grigrak died in once, we still have our bronze atomsmasher there.
I think you should keep close track of where and how Grigrak has died and what his incarnation was at the time, and then make a special map noting each location. That way, we (I?) can see the many ways he has suffered at the hands of Queen Urist.
I don't think I've seen a player so willing to subject his own fort to so much destruction. I think you need a special commendation for that.
As an aside, if he finished meeting the top noble then the diplomat should just leave-he's not actually part of the caravan. I know this because once, one entered the map while a caravan didn't-and promptly triggered a gobbo ambush. So you still have a shot ;).
Post by: MrGimp on June 24, 2009, 11:28:10 am
Amazing. Just the sheer amount of destruction, alongside all the awesome architecture is amazing.
On a side note, where does Eagle tap the cave river? Or is that not on one of the levels shown? Also, could i get a screenshot of his cave, as well as see the current state of the outside army? Thanks in advance.
Eagle taps the water line running on the surface level just above the huge stone stockpile. His cave hasnt changed much since the last update. Ill post some more screenshots when hes done with the tower cap garden.
Post by: MrGimp on June 24, 2009, 11:34:08 am
Also Byakugan, the Diplomat was glitched before the demons even came. He and the caravan got glitched becuase the trade depot and the important dwarves were inaccessible. Even unlocking doors and opening the path couldnt solve it once it had happened.
Its not really a big deal either way though. If the Humans end up sieging, cool. If not, cool. The only real downside was the guild representative dying. Now I can never fill the Duchess' demands for fine pewter. Ive even melted all the other fine pewter junk, then ran out again.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on June 24, 2009, 11:37:01 am
Beat her.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on June 25, 2009, 10:05:18 am
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 25, 2009, 02:10:52 pm
Post by: ousire on June 25, 2009, 08:11:22 pm
1 gore damage, speed 1, and 0.5 burn damage.
aw man that sounds like hell.
Post by: MrGimp on June 26, 2009, 01:20:54 am
Im going kayaking this weekend. When I come back Ill at least post a story update.
In the meantime....let me tell you about the wonders of Internet (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwQYyUoOA7w)
Post by: Labs on June 26, 2009, 10:24:02 am
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on June 26, 2009, 11:04:50 am
Now let's see them survive the "Citizenship Test"
Post by: Byakugan01 on June 28, 2009, 04:20:28 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 29, 2009, 02:02:55 am
They rode over the mountains, tiring out many steeds and local peasant girls. As they stood over the ridge that looked down upon the dessert and swamps below they saw the burnt landscape filling the edge of the horizon.
"Blockedlance," said the Baron, pointing out the obvious.
Some peasants were spotted marching up the mountain, towards the Baron and his men. They were dwarves. The Baron stopped them and questioned them, asking who they were.
"We are simple dwarves, we made our way here from distant lands. We were coming to settle in Blockedlance...but as we approached the fortress, we saw that it was engulfed in flames. We have run out of supplies and ditched our empty wagon. We now make way for the Ignited Wall, to settle there, instead. Hopefully that fortress has not spontaneously combusted, as well."
"Do you know what troubles befell Blockedlance?" asked the Baron.
"We know not. When the local swamp dwarves that lived outside Blockedlance told us of the demons of fire they had seen, we decided not to tempt fate by investigating. Most of the dwarves in this area are evacuating to the north."
"An exodus of dwarves?"
"Aye. This is no place for me and my family. We were suckers for the adamantine there...please can you help us?" begged the peasant.
"Lieutenant! Give these dwarves some of our barrels of water and a few bags of food," ordered the Baron. The Lieutenant nodded and set about fulfilling his orders. "That should be enough to get you to the mountains of the northern dwarves."
"Thank you human! We are forever in your debt!"
After doling out some supplies, the humans began the descent down the mountainside, towards Blockedlance, carrying a sense of forboding.
Post by: MrGimp on June 29, 2009, 11:35:05 am
He fretted over how he would ever fulfill the Duchess' demands.
Just then he was hit in the back of the head with something as hard as metal. Everything turned yellow and fuzzy for a moment, and when he came to he was lying on the floor, looking up at the legendary (but forgotten) weaponsmith Steve.
"You son of a bitch! I give you ONE warning and one warning only! Stay away fom my forges! Stop taking my work and my pay. If the Duchess wants spears, ILL get her the spears! You stick to your crafts and flasks, got that, Petbeard?"
The Dungeon Master tried to get up, but immediately Steve put his boot on his chest and pushed him back down. This small dwarf was exceedingly heavy. Petbeard was stunned into motionlessness.
"Do you got that?!" Steve shouted, repeating the question.
"Y-yeah...no problem Steve....." muttered Petbeard.
"Good."
Petbeard lay on the ground, waiting for Steve to walk off. Then he sat up and felt the back of his head. It was already starting to swell up. That dwarf was damn strong.
Post by: MrGimp on June 29, 2009, 12:03:13 pm
There were no guards on this level. The tower was pretty much empty, used only for storage. He took the stairs up to the roof, as quietly as he could. When he got to the top of the tower he ducked behind the fortifications and carefully looked out.
There were his troops, out on the field. They were massed in front of the fortress entrance. The Queen had stationed her loyalists on top of the walls above them, but they were not shooting them or throwing rocks and debris at them. The two sides seemed to be talking. Myths troops were removing their armor and he could see a big pile of steel axes as well. His heart was crushed.
He looked down towards the base of the tower. There were guards at the door. He was trapped, even if he could escape his cell. He looked at the southern fortifications of the tower. There was as gaping hole in them to assist dwarves in suicide. Myth knew that the most logical move for him now would be to leap off this tower....but he couldnt do it. There was a part of him that still believed he could rally his followers and overthrow the Queen.
He reminded himself of what the Queen had told the Freemasons when they were initiated; "As long as there is breath in your lungs, you have the power to fight".
Myth skulked back down to his cell and locked himself in. Only time would tell if he would ever get his opportunity....
Post by: MrGimp on July 02, 2009, 08:47:03 pm
While she was deciding the fate of the prisoners, word came to the Queen that the elves had arrived!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringElfAttack.png)
They came from the north, through the mudlands.
As Lord Dullard and his men marched to meet them, more attacked from the south and west. It was an elven onslaught! They caught a rebel marksdwarf who had fallen asleep after being taken prisoner. Urist had thought he had just looked so peaceful, so she left him there. Now he and the cook were caught outside. Luckily MadMonkey was in the area.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringElfAttack2.png)
Urist rushed to the top of the temple along with Mogror. As Lord Dullard and his men decimated one squad, MORE showed up! It was an elven horde of historic proportions! The first elf horde to be seen in these parts since the days just after world generation!
"My father's father always warned of it!!!" Shouted Mogror. "He said it was a Hate left over from old times!"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringElfAttack3.png)
There were less than a dozen loyal military dwarves. If even one or two died here, the prospects of keeping these rebel prisoners would become laughable. Urist had an idea.
"Bring me Lord Akigagak and the one they call Jazz. By themselves, they pose no threat to our forces, but can be made to serve us in this battle."
"Yes your majesty!" Mogror scuffled off. Urist remained, overlooking the fight...
Post by: Byakugan01 on July 02, 2009, 08:56:54 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 02, 2009, 09:01:09 pm
Just wonderful
By the way, how many dwarves still live?
I'm just asking for a total.
Post by: Jackrabbit on July 02, 2009, 09:07:56 pm
Anyway, kill, kill, kill!
Post by: MrGimp on July 02, 2009, 09:10:51 pm
Holy CRAP. Just how many elves are there?!? Over 30 by the looks of it...no major injuries yet for the dwarves, right? Which squad of elves is fleeing and which is attacking in the last pic, btw?
None are fleeing. A squad of elves was slaughtered, and more just keep piling in.
No threat? :'(
Anyway, kill, kill, kill!
Hey it's just a plot device to get you back on the front lines. Do you think I really need your puny dwarfs help to defeat these elves?
Now get out there and KILL KILL KILL!!!!
Wonderful.
Just wonderful
By the way, how many dwarves still live?
I'm just asking for a total.
78
Post by: MrGimp on July 02, 2009, 09:11:13 pm
All we need is to make some things that the link for Refrigerator Water Filters, and 2 - answering a question no one asked.
_________________
Refrigerator filter (http://www.filter-outlet.com)
Touche Spambot. Touche.
Post by: Jackrabbit on July 02, 2009, 09:11:54 pm
All we need is to make some things that the link for Refrigerator Water Filters, and 2 - answering a question no one asked.
_________________
Refrigerator filter (http://www.filter-outlet.com)
Touche Spambot. Touche.
He's right, a fridge would solve all our problems.
Post by: MrGimp on July 02, 2009, 09:15:47 pm
All we need is to make some things that the link for Refrigerator Water Filters, and 2 - answering a question no one asked.
_________________
Refrigerator filter (http://www.filter-outlet.com)
Touche Spambot. Touche.
He's right, a fridge would solve all our problems.
AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
I accidentally clicked it!!!
Post by: filiusenox on July 02, 2009, 09:16:18 pm
Someone by the name of Fil that isnt a Rebel please.
Post by: MrGimp on July 03, 2009, 09:07:07 am
Hey.Can i join this Armok forsaken hellhole?
Someone by the name of Fil that isnt a Rebel please.
Sure....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringFil.png)
Post by: MrGimp on July 03, 2009, 09:23:26 am
But there was no end to them. He looked to the west. MadMonkey was fighting by himself....but wait! Two dwarves were joining him! Dullard quickly counted his men. All his squad was there right next to him, who were these two? No matter...they weren't trying to hack MadMonkey's arms off...so Dullard and his men went back to the carnage.
Near dusk on the third day, the elves broke and ran, firing their fireballs in pathetic attempts to -
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringDeathBurn.png)
- damn elves! One of Lord Dullards men was killed in the fight. A few minor injuries were also sustained. Nothing major to report.
After the battle, Dullard learned that Jazz and Lord Akigagak had been freed to fight alongside the fort's guards. They had possibly saved MadMonkey24's life by ending the fight before the elves could burn him inside his steel armor. However, the two rebels were immediately chained and dragged off at the end of the battle. Lord Dullard knew not what to make of it.
Post by: MrGimp on July 03, 2009, 09:34:08 am
Well, the last rebel follower of Freemasonry has died. Myth was informed, then left to stew it over in the tower. The last of Myth's guards are dropping like flies in the old hospital too!
That leaves Montague and Aldaris as the last two Freemason's, although of course, Freemasonry is a rebel pursuit nowadays, and Montague and Aldaris have disavowed themselves of it.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringMasonDead2.png)
I just wanted to point out that in this pic above, ALL those bone piles are dwarf bones and skulls.
And that's the NOBLES' level.
Post by: Aldaris on July 03, 2009, 01:14:09 pm
Suspecting each and every one of Urist's direct advisors of treason, murder, etc. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd be right with half of them.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on July 06, 2009, 10:36:08 am
We need a madness room made of Cinnabar.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 06, 2009, 10:56:38 am
Post by: Argonnek on July 06, 2009, 04:09:47 pm
And a depression room of MicrolineNow that's just cruel
Post by: Aldaris on July 06, 2009, 04:20:05 pm
Have you noticed what thread this is?And a depression room of MicrolineNow that's just cruel
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on July 07, 2009, 08:15:19 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 07, 2009, 05:24:32 pm
Post by: ousire on July 07, 2009, 10:57:22 pm
Then we shall fill the room with kittens
one man, locked in his own personal catsplosion hell?
cold.
Post by: MrGimp on July 08, 2009, 12:34:44 am
"Read me the message, boy!" shouted Byakugan with a smile.
The messenger opened the parchment and began reading....
Most Majestically Magnificent and Munificent Majesty,
We have trekked many weeks through mountains and forest, across hill and plain. We have arrived in the vicinity of the ruined dwarf fort. The land is burnt to the south and east as far as the eye can see. On our journey here, we have come across bands of dwarven refugees fleeing this area. They are abandoning their homes and sometimes even families. A great terror has befallen this land.
I have recently come to believe in the reports of Demons, strange as they may sound. Not only do all the dwarves in this area bear witness to that fact, but I have recently had the fortune of meeting a caravan of our traders making their way towards Blockedlance. From among their wares I was shown a crown made of demon bone!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
"Rubbish!" shouted the Grand Vizier.
The messenger pulled from his backpack a bone crown, and offered it to the Prince. Byakugan took it and looked it over. The bone was angular and sharp, as well as burnt and blackened. Tiny horns protruded from random places.
"Definitely demon bone," said Prince Byakugan.
"Nonsense!" shouted the Grand Vizier, hoping that repititious emotional outbursts would be enough to convince his Lord of the truth.
"No, this settles it....I trust these dwarves. They are a noble species, defending our southern borders from demonic hosts! Tonight we shall feast in their honor, for these courageous beings hold back the darkness. Blockedlance is a shining beacon of light and hope for all the world! We will not attack them!" proclaimed the Prince in response. "Not ever!"
Post by: Aldaris on July 08, 2009, 01:26:17 am
Blockedlance is a shining beacon of light and hope for all the world!That made my day.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 08, 2009, 09:03:09 am
Post by: Jackrabbit on July 08, 2009, 09:08:23 am
Blockedlance is a shining beacon of light and hope for all the world!Blockedlance. Where both dwarf blood and irony are very shiny.
Post by: MrGimp on July 10, 2009, 12:13:18 am
As the traders traded, and the slaves hauled, the Baron and his men attempted to meet with the Queen. They were refused. Urist had given up oin that whole 'administration' thing. She had left all the duties up to the Ducal Heir, Mafol Sabretwilights, and the three of his sisters that held administrative power in Blockedlance. The Duchess was of course still in the picture, always loyal, fat, and happy.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnNobles.png)
So the Baron met with Mafol instead, who immediately showed him to the Human Diplomat.
"Please take him....he's been shattering our glass windows and claiming diplomatic immunity!" pleaded Mafol.
The diplomat Dunem Trickscars shuffled back and forth. Drool fell from his lips as he uttered unintelligable babble to himself. The Baron knew Dunem well from Prince Byakugan's court. He was shocked to see him like this.
"Dunem! Oh my gods! What happened to you?" he cried.
"...f-fa...fa..fa fire...da...da....demons...." he stuttered at last, blinking his eyes eratically and staring off into space the entire time.
"He's gone crazy from the horros he's seen!" yelled Mafol.
"Oh no!" sobbed the Baron. He grabbed Dunem by his shoulders and tried to shake him back to his senses. "Dunem! Snap out of it!!! Come with me back to Behal Ladgi!"
"No! No no no!" he cried as he ran off and shattered another pane of glass.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnDiplomat.png)
"Oh god damnit!" shouted Mafol. "Are YOU gonna pay for this! Fuck! Look just leave him alone! Let him deal with it. We'll keep trying to give him booze and smoke him out. Just leave him be for now...he knows what he's doing..."
Just then Dunem pulled his pants off and grabbed a shard of glass. He began chasing dwarves around yelling, "Am I sexy? Tell me Im sexy!" while he waved his genitals at them. The guards tackled him...but of course, he claimed Diplomatic Immunity and had to be let go.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 10, 2009, 12:18:49 am
Post by: Jim Groovester on July 10, 2009, 12:26:30 am
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on July 10, 2009, 11:53:23 am
Post by: MrGimp on July 10, 2009, 01:13:36 pm
The humans did not take him with them when they embarked back to their homelands.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 10, 2009, 01:16:00 pm
We have our beginnings as a nudist colony now.
Post by: MrGimp on July 10, 2009, 01:19:55 pm
Post by: MrGimp on July 10, 2009, 01:26:07 pm
I brought a video!
(http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1520-deadpeasant)
Also of note, we have reopened the peasant quarters after three years. There are towercaps in the hallways and the bedrooms...and when dwarves open doors to the still flooded rooms, a bunch of water pours out into the hallway. It's pretty funny.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnTowerCaps.png)
Post by: MrGimp on July 10, 2009, 02:04:59 pm
Chapter #10 - A New Dawn
The fortress had been retaken, all opposition had been crushed. The Eribites were entirely wiped out, the traitors among the freemasons had been cut down, and all of the rebel military was in chains below. Queen Urist had managed to get the Duchess' children into all the positions of power. Urist had killed their father when they were very young, and had been able to brainwash them their entire lives. They were absolutely loyal.
It was a renaissance, a rebirth of Uristian law and order. She was disappointed that the Eribite Heir had been killed...but there was one person she could still take joy in seeing misery heaped upon.
Myth was pulled from his bed in the tower early one morning. There had been no warning. As far as he had known, there was still a chance for him and his men to be freed and to launch an uprising that could bring down the Queen. Myth was paraded down into the depths of the great fortress. He was taken to the heart of the forges deep in the old demon pits. Aldaris stood next to a lever wearing an executioner's mask. The Queen read his charges.
"Grand Master Myth Kediden of the once noble Cult of the Free Mason, you are charged and convicted of heresy, treason, embezzlement, fraud, extortion, thievery, racketeering, money laundering, impersonating representatives of the state, kidnapping, bribery, lying under oath, falsely accusing innocent citizens, conspiracy to murder, conspiracy against the crown, conspiracy against the state, hate crimes, crimes against dwarfkind, crimes against peace, crimes against the planet, stealing candy from babies, and oh yeah, cheating me at poker that one time. How do you respond?"
"Huh? Hey most of the stuff on that list was stuff you ordered me to do!"
"Silence!!!" shouted the Queen. "I find you guilty! Furthermore, in penitence for your crimes I sentence you to burn in the eternal hellfires of the Underworld!" The Queen nodded to Aldaris, who pulled the lever, dopping Myth to his fate...
Video! (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1521-totheunderworld)
While Myth was plunging into the putrid sulfury fires of the Underworld, above them in the temple the rebel military dwarves (minus their commanders) were being locked into the new pin pricking room. In full armor, they were impaled over and over again by single wooden spears. How long will it take to die? Lets find out, shall we?
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1522-slowdeathtrap1
(http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1522-slowdeathtrap1)
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1523-slowdeathtrap2
(http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1523-slowdeathtrap2)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TempleTorture.png)
Go Fil! Pull pull pull!!! Theyre not all dead yet! Keep pullin that lever!
(New to the fort, and you're already slaughtering dwarves Fil, thats pretty good.)
Post by: filiusenox on July 10, 2009, 02:33:01 pm
or
MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
hey can i make a new freemasons guild that does not become rebels?
and is loyal to the queen?
Post by: MrGimp on July 10, 2009, 03:06:45 pm
You people need to stop reading ahead! Youre getting to future plot points even before I can! :D
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 10, 2009, 03:18:53 pm
Post by: filiusenox on July 10, 2009, 03:22:06 pm
and i have a very good sense of plot.Sorry.
Post by: MrGimp on July 10, 2009, 03:37:33 pm
Post by: MrGimp on July 10, 2009, 10:03:00 pm
The last thing he remembered was falling through the floor in the demon pits, then plummeting through miles and miles of red haze and black smoke. He remembered that he had fallen for quite some time...and the ground appeared suddenly out of the smoke and haze at the very last second. Now he was here...
He tried to get up, but was immediately restrained by a shot of pain throughout his entire body. That was when he looked at his body and through the clotted blood in his eyes he could see that every limb he had was twisted, mangled, and bent in several incorrect places. The bones in his right leg were sticking out at two different locations. He was horribly crippled, and lying in a pool of his own blood.
Why wasn't he dead?
Myth grimaced in pain and clenched his fists...errr...what was left of them anyways. He was so taken by the pain that he didnt even notice the black robed figure approaching him until it spoke.
"Greetings worthless pain bucket, and welcome to the fountain of misery, the Hell of Shattered Bone!" Myth opened his eyes and saw the robed figure leaning down and offering his hand. As it slipped out from his overly long sleeve, he could see that the figure had no living flesh at all. For some reason, probably out of force of habit, Myth reached up with his slightly less mangled arm and shook the skeletal hand. Big mistake.
Immediately the bone hand clamped down harder than any living being in the world possibly could. Not one muscle on his body, and yet it was the mightiest handshake Myth had ever had the misfortune of feeling. The bones in Myth's hand immediately and audibly crunched into dust. As he shrieked in terror, the robed figure spoke lightheartedly, "Nice to meet you! I'm Hans Gribblegrom, the Locator of Pain...but all my friends call me Grim Grom! We're gonna be good friends!"
At that moment, Myth was overtaken by the pain, and passed out.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 10, 2009, 10:06:05 pm
:3
Post by: MrGimp on July 10, 2009, 10:58:25 pm
"Hello, my poor Tradan," Christes said. "You've been out for a long time. I've been drifting in and out myself. I tied us together by our beards so we wouldnt drift away into this void."
Tradan looked down and saw that their beards were indeed tied together, and then covered over and caked with dried blood. It was a strong bond.
"Has it been ten thousand years yet?" asked Tradan miserably.
Christes chuckled. As she did so, ooze poured from her burst left eyeball. There was a shard of glass sticking straight out from the pupil. White gore and clotted blood clung to the wound. A filthy white pus oozed from it whenever she looked about or moved her face muscles in any major way.
They were silent as they bore their pain togeher, floating in the infinite white void.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Void.png)
Post by: Aldaris on July 11, 2009, 01:27:32 am
Also; Yay! I condemned someone to an eternity of misery!
Post by: Labs on July 11, 2009, 01:41:52 pm
Post by: Ignem on July 11, 2009, 02:18:02 pm
It would be an honor to have a tiny part of this story by incorporating my name into your universe. Not necessarily in small caps, "Slemsvamp" would be fine!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
What kind of dwarf would really not matter, I do like the sinister side of the blood god and I'd gladly take the risk of working for the mad Queen. I'm not much for brawn, so if there's someone with brains left - I'd like one of thems (mad brains).
Awesome story MrGimp, this is - in my book - up there with Boatmurdered.
Post by: mythmonster2 on July 11, 2009, 04:20:14 pm
Post by: MrGimp on July 12, 2009, 11:49:55 am
Been reading all lovely and awesome 57 pages of Blockedlance and having thought Boatmurdered was the only one of legendary kind, I'll say Blockedlance is just as entertaining - if not even MORE - since it has a well written and interesting story.
It would be an honor to have a tiny part of this story by incorporating my name into your universe. Not necessarily in small caps, "Slemsvamp" would be fine!Spoiler (click to show/hide)
What kind of dwarf would really not matter, I do like the sinister side of the blood god and I'd gladly take the risk of working for the mad Queen. I'm not much for brawn, so if there's someone with brains left - I'd like one of thems (mad brains).
Awesome story MrGimp, this is - in my book - up there with Boatmurdered.
Wow haha, ranking with Boatmurdered is the highest honor a story here on the forums can get!
Ill make you the Armok worshipping Duchess, Slimemold is a GREAT name for a Duchess. ;D
And dont worry, other than the fact that you like fine pewter and we have no more access to it, you're a pretty easy Duchess to get along with. Urist is also trying to sleep with your son.
Post by: Ignem on July 12, 2009, 12:15:21 pm
Post by: MrGimp on July 12, 2009, 12:26:37 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring-1.png)
It is now Spring of 234. Urist has been Queen for 25 full years. To mark the momentous occassion she orders Mogror and his assitant Ravus Maniacus (the forts other, lesser known mechanic) to draw up plans for great constructions on the surface. She was vague on many details, but Mogror dutifully shuffled off to get it done.
The plannings of the monuments to her greatness were cut short, however. Elves - damn filthy elves - ambushed our great fortress with yet ANOTHER horde! The military force of Blockedlance had dwindled greatly. Dwarves had to run back and forth across the fortress to fight the various squads of elves.
Several elves actually got THROUGH our defensive lines! :o In the east, I had to scramble dwarves to stop several elves who had passed through our trapped east entrance and entered our courtyard! ELVES IN OUR COURTYARD PEOPLE!!!
Then more elves swarmed from the west, on the damn OTHER side of the fortress! MadMonkey was there to valiantly fight them off with his bloodthirsty demon sword...but he was only one dwarf. A few elf bowmen managed to get through unbloodied or pursued into the temple foregrounds. They began firing at random passers-by. One of the Duchess' daughters was hit with a Quantum Arrow and pierced through both shoulders and on a hand, leg, and foot. Eberdek was also struck, and then struck again! He fled in terror.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringEberdek.png)
The legendary miner Fil was there on the roadside, witnessing the carnage. He saw his chance for glory and charged forward, ready to mine elf skull.
Thwip!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringFil-1.png)
An arrow to the lung! But he didnt go down! Though he was winded and about to die, he kept running forward, pick held high. He swung it down....and missed. The elf dodged backward, firing as he lept.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringFil2.png)
Alas Fil, we hardly knew ye.....but your sacrifice was not in vain. It bought time for more armed and armored dwarves to arrive on the scene...but not before an ELF got INTO the TEMPLE!!!
A single suicidal elf ran down into the temple firing at the stonecrafter and wounding her slightly before he was struck down.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SpringAtrocity.png)
An ELF. A fucking ELF. Prancing around in the Temple of Armok in his stockings and feathery hat like he owned the place!!!
This is an atrocity. In all of Blockedlance's history we have never suffered such a disgrace!
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 12, 2009, 12:44:22 pm
And the real one was inside all the time!
A dwarf should not have such a short life!
Post by: Aldaris on July 12, 2009, 01:47:07 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 12, 2009, 01:48:38 pm
Why do I love microline so much?
Post by: Aldaris on July 12, 2009, 01:52:21 pm
And masterwork rockfall traps of microline.Because you're a horrible monster.
Why do I love microline so much?
Post by: filiusenox on July 12, 2009, 02:03:03 pm
I say that was a DECOY FIL! :o
And the real one was inside all the time!
A dwarf should not have such a short life!
YES IT WAS ONE I MADE. IM STILL ALIVE. RIGHT?RIGHT?
Post by: Christes on July 12, 2009, 02:26:56 pm
Post by: MrGimp on July 12, 2009, 02:47:28 pm
Armok has access to all dwarves who die on the sanctified soil of Blockedlance, but not everyone goes to a Hell. Armok eats most souls straight away like a ravenous beast. I cant have everyone going to a Hell cuz that would be literally hundreds of sideplots...unless I just mention what hell they wind up in and then move on.
Also, sorry Fil. I really thought it was your chance to shine! In most of my games legendary miners are the best last ditch conscripts available. But the elf had a bow and some arrows. That was the deciding factor.
Post by: MrGimp on July 12, 2009, 03:04:42 pm
The dwarves are moblized to the east. The Human Guard can take care of the temple. From the north, more goblins attack and are defended against by our longest lived forum dwarf; LegoLord. Lord Lego and his two squadmates are the last of our marksdwarves. These have been freed from the dungeon to fight our wars. It doesnt go too well for Lord Lego this time...
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1529-thedeathoflego (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1529-thedeathoflego)
But as he and one of the other marksdwarves die, MadMonkey, the Queen's personal bodyguard, charges out into the fray with his demon sword. In his rage he exacts vengeance upon the goblins.
Huzzah!!!
So things calm down a bit and the bodies are burried. I notice that the Human Caravan is buggered up just like Dunem is. Weve traded and its now autumn. They wont leave. Theyre at the depot, but theyre not trading. Theyre just stuck. I notice that one of the humans is talking to Dunem Trickscars...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SummerDunem.png)
You learn something new everyday.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 12, 2009, 03:24:11 pm
Post by: Christes on July 12, 2009, 04:00:11 pm
All seasoned DF players should know to check gender before posting about someone :P
Post by: MrGimp on July 12, 2009, 04:36:46 pm
Whoops
All seasoned DF players should know to check gender before posting about someone :P
But if I went around checking all that kind of stuff then you and Tradan would never have ended up together! And then you wouldnt be floating in endless emptiness tortured by Armok for ten thousand years!
You see, it's better if you don't check.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 12, 2009, 04:38:24 pm
Post by: Christes on July 12, 2009, 05:09:11 pm
Whoops
All seasoned DF players should know to check gender before posting about someone :P
But if I went around checking all that kind of stuff then you and Tradan would never have ended up together! And then you wouldnt be floating in endless emptiness tortured by Armok for ten thousand years!
You see, it's better if you don't check.
Check gender, not relationship status. It's just because all of the names are gender neutral. ::)
In the Halltraded succession game, Maggarg picked the dwarf that happened to be Christes's lover as well. Good times.
Anyway, are you going to edit the previous post to reflect this new revelation, or are you just going to roll with it somehow? It's not like it would fuck up this community story any more (and I mean that in a good way :D)
Post by: MrGimp on July 12, 2009, 05:45:07 pm
As for Dunem, Im just gonna roll with it. All I said was that Dunem waved his/her genitals around. Who knows? Maybe she just has really long flappy labia? :P
Post by: MrGimp on July 12, 2009, 07:41:22 pm
Bah! It didnt matter! Just start building! These things take so damn long...we'll have plenty of time to decide what they are as they go up!
The dwarves ran off to start stacking diorite into the sky.
As they did so, Urist planned another monument with Mogror's help.
"It will be huge! It will be massive! It will dwarf the temple!" shouted Urist with a crazy gleam in her eye. "Wait....did I just say dwarf the temple? Uhh...no matter. We shall build what no dwarf has built in Sil Gomath in eons! A structure of such dwarfiness that all shall tremble in it's presence!"
"You dont mean..." said Mogror.
"Yes! We're building a pyramid!"
Post by: MrGimp on July 12, 2009, 07:57:45 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnDemons.png)
They had rams horns on their heads, bodies of men but red and scarred, and furry goat legs that bent the wrong way and ended in hoofs. They also had short stubby little goat tails. They were larger than three dwarves in height. Their bodies rippled with muscle and sinew.
A panic ran throughout the fortress. More demons!!!
Lord Jazz and Lord Dullard's squad rush to the defence of the fortress. The fighting is exhausting.
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1530-goatdemons (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1530-goatdemons)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnDemons2.png)
It takes a great deal just to bloody the horrific goat beasts. One is eventually brought down by Dullard and his men. Now the dwarves have a numerical advantage and they press their attack.
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1531-goatdemons2 (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1531-goatdemons2)
(I really like how in that second video Jazz takes on two demons by himself. Dwarfy!)
The fighting is horrendous. It lasted probably a week in dwarf time. THAT was some combat right there! At the end of it, the goat demons are dead, and not one dwarf has been laid low!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnDemons3.png)
(The 'F's should be 'G's. F it.)
Post by: Jackrabbit on July 12, 2009, 09:08:24 pm
Post by: MrGimp on July 12, 2009, 11:51:11 pm
Im gonna try and move away from elf and goblin attacks. They clutter the map with INSANE amounts of junk after 30+ years.
Post by: Samus1111111 on July 26, 2009, 08:18:00 am
Post by: Jim Groovester on July 27, 2009, 10:27:48 pm
Man, things were really great today! I got to eat that fat bitch Urist's food! Oops! I didn't mean to write that. I loathe Queen Urist and swore my loyalty to her death, I mean, I love Queen Urist and swore my loyalty to my death!
My goodness, what's wrong with me? I'm not going insane, am I?
The food gave me a bit of a stomach ache. I was doubled over for a few hours, and I was sweating a lot and people told me that I looked pale in the face, and my hands turned blue for a little bit, but I got over it. Somebody said the food was poisoned, but it can't be, because all of Queen Urist's food makes me feel like that: sick to my stomach that that evil whore isn't dying because I'm eating her poison.
Boy, I am in quite a mood today for no apparent reason.
* * *
So, uh, MrGimp. Anything? It's been a while since your last update.
Post by: MrGimp on July 27, 2009, 11:32:35 pm
awesome story :D can't wait to see what happens with the pyramid. If possible, could I get a dwarf (named samus)? Preferably a military dwarf, but any kind will do. Thanks in advance :)
Sure, Ill get you one once I get some time to play again.
Post by: MrGimp on July 27, 2009, 11:40:05 pm
So, uh, MrGimp. Anything? It's been a while since your last update.
haha, sorry, I havent had time to play DF at ALL lately. Life is like a big turd sandwich, and we all gotta take a bite. Thats what I always say.
I was gonna play around with modded creatures some more before I continued the story, but I just havent had time. I started my own web design business and its just me myself and I. All I do is code stuff for money. Its like Im some kinda whore, but instead of selling my body Im selling my mind. Ive noticed that selling your mind doesnt pay nearly as well as selling your body.
But the tale of Urist shall not die! At least not until she does!!!
Post by: Jackrabbit on July 27, 2009, 11:41:50 pm
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on July 28, 2009, 08:16:14 am
(And that the inside is full of waterfalls. Got to keep in a job for my pension. You'd think a millenarian would be eligible for a pension.)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 28, 2009, 10:43:34 am
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on July 28, 2009, 11:08:55 am
I vote that the waterfalls are not made of water, and instead are magma.Blood.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 28, 2009, 12:41:21 pm
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on July 28, 2009, 01:47:18 pm
Blood doesnt flow like water at the moment.We constantly slaughter things into a flow of water to keep it red.
I can think of little that suits Blockadedlance more.
Insane mechanics, mass slaughter, huge scale.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 28, 2009, 03:00:01 pm
Delicious microline.
I WANT A NEW DWARF NAMED 'THE MICROLINE MONSTER' PLEASE
I DONT CARE WHAT HIS PROFESSION IS
Post by: Christes on July 28, 2009, 05:14:40 pm
Blood doesnt flow like water at the moment.
Oh God, but when it does...
Wow, there's going to have to be a Blockedlance 2 then.
Post by: Zulaf on August 04, 2009, 05:30:09 pm
P.S.
And microline.NO YOU'LL BRING THIS FORT INTO A MADNESS SPIRAL!!
Delicious microline.
I WANT A NEW DWARF NAMED 'THE MICROLINE MONSTER' PLEASE
I DONT CARE WHAT HIS PROFESSION IS
Post by: Tradanbattlan on August 04, 2009, 05:37:42 pm
Post by: Zulaf on August 04, 2009, 06:37:22 pm
EDIT: Haha okay so its only been one week since i lost internet....
Post by: Tradanbattlan on August 10, 2009, 09:38:50 pm
IT'S TOO GOOD TO DIE
Post by: Randall Octagonapus on August 13, 2009, 08:36:29 am
Post by: MrGimp on August 19, 2009, 11:57:45 pm
"Why do you send the goats my lord? Is it punishment? Have I not followed every order you have given?" she cried to the heavens.
The disembodied head of Armok appeared before her, in the center of a ring of fire and smoke. "Calm yourself Chosen One...lest I punish you for weakness! The Goat Demons are reminders to the non-believers that they do not live in a friendly world. Use their fear to keep them in line, for fear is the path to the dark side. They will constantly stand watch in fear of demons, and they will more willingly accept the sacrifice of their children. They will see it as the only hope against the darkness! You see...their suffering will make them just like us! It will make them strong!"
"Yes my lord. As always, my master's wisdom is beyond all that mortals possess!"
"Soon it will be time for me to show myself to the masses. I sense a strong bond already with the High Priest and High Priestess."
"Yes I have indoctrinated them into the Religion of Power, the Cult of Blood. They do not shy away from the face of true strength," said Urist.
"Good. For now, you keep those damn elves out of my temple, you hear me?"
"Yes master!"
Post by: MrGimp on August 20, 2009, 12:00:02 am
I vote that the pyramid is capped with gold.
(And that the inside is full of waterfalls. Got to keep in a job for my pension. You'd think a millenarian would be eligible for a pension.)
The pyramid will probably be hollow at first...however, before the abandon it will be turned into the entrance to a great dungeon for adventure mode.
Post by: MrGimp on August 20, 2009, 12:02:16 am
If Its ok with you can I have a Dwarf. I dont care what profession but preferably a male soldier. Name him Randall
Sure...so thats two I got to add, Randall and Shamus.
Also, Tradanbattlan...your request is pending royal review.
Post by: Labs on August 20, 2009, 06:06:53 am
for fear is the path to the dark side.
I lol'd. ;D
Post by: MrGimp on August 20, 2009, 04:53:22 pm
He was laying on the floor, and began squirming about. That was when he realized that his body was completely healed! He jumped to his feet with a smile. Hope returned that this was a dream, afterall.
"I've always loved crushing hope even more than bone," said the voice of Grim Grom, the Locator of Pain. Myth turned and indeed, the black robed skeleton was standing behind him. Grom raised his right hand into the air, and immediately Myth's elbows and kneecaps bent completely the wrong way and with terrible force.
Myth fell to the ground screaming in horror from the mind shattering pain.
Grim Grom walked casually up to the screaming dwarf, grabbed an arm, and started dragging him up a rough and winding mountain road. There, overlooking a vast black ocean, the Locator of Pain hammered nails into Myth's hands and kneecaps (what was left of them anyways), pinning him to a dead tree on a craggy mountain peak under a desolate black sunless sky.
"There. Now contemplate this upon the Tree of Woe."
With that, Grim Grom turned and walked back down the mountain, disappearing into the smoke and bone dust.
Post by: MrGimp on August 22, 2009, 01:09:08 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/randallshamus.jpg)
I put you in Lord Dullard's squad, The Held Lances.
Hmmmm....Held Lances? Seeing as how Blockedlance is when a girl wont have sex with you, I guess 'Held Lances' describes what you have to do afterwards?
Post by: MrGimp on August 22, 2009, 02:35:47 pm
Our carpenters are also taking their sweet time putting the roofs on these buildings I built in front of the temple. I still dont even know what theyre going to be...I'll take a shot of em in 3Dwarf once theyre finished. If they look stupid I'm gonna collapse them into the nobles' river garden below.
No demons came in 235, just a goblin ambush that was single-handedly wiped out by Akigagak.
Post by: mythmonster2 on August 22, 2009, 07:00:50 pm
Post by: Eagle on August 23, 2009, 12:55:07 am
Day after day, i scratch out my existence in my hideaway. Dig for space, plant more crops, dig more space, plant more crops, brew some drink, make some food, in an endless cycle. How long have i remained here? How long since i escaped the madness of Blockedlance? Will i live? Truly, i live as the first dwarves did, with only my pick to rely on. Its not safe under the sun anymore. Never was, ever since Urist wrested control. Sometimes i risk going up and glancing out the door; it nearly drives me mad, all that happens down in the town below. Even the sun's maddening rays pale in comparison to what goes on in that blasted hell-hole of a fortress. Osram give me strength, i gamble with my life; the highest stakes a dwarf can make, but i will survive.
I am the Eagle. I soar alone, high above the conflicts. I will always survive.
Osram bless whats left of my soul and guide me.
Post by: MrGimp on August 23, 2009, 03:48:49 pm
The Freemasons taunt Urist even after their deaths or imprisonments! (Which one?) :P
Oh, the Freemasons are quite dead, every single one of them (except Aldaris and Montague who are loyal royalists...hehe...that kinda rhymes...loyalist royalists...). Your guys soul is imprisoned for eternity in the Hell of Shattered Bone. You have been crucified through the kneecaps onto the Tree of Woe!
Suck on that one you vile insolent traitor!!! ;D
Post by: MrGimp on August 23, 2009, 03:57:13 pm
Loyalist royalists
Most joyous of royalists,
They toil all day for the Queen!
(Disclaimer - Im stoned)
Post by: Zulaf on August 24, 2009, 01:23:17 pm
Loyalist royalistsI LOL'ed
Most joyous of royalists,
They toil all day for the Queen!
Disclaimer
Im stonedMe to
Post by: Samus1111111 on August 24, 2009, 09:45:41 pm
Post by: Eagle on August 24, 2009, 09:52:16 pm
Post by: MrGimp on August 25, 2009, 12:28:40 am
Hes high. Just roll with it.
There isnt an acronym to express how hard I laughed....even ROFLMAO doesnt quite cut it....
I shall have to make do with emoticons...
;D :D ;D :D ;D :D 8)
Post by: Randall Octagonapus on August 26, 2009, 04:15:52 pm
Okay Randall and Shamus, you're in...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/randallshamus.jpg)
I put you in Lord Dullard's squad, The Held Lances.
Hmmmm....Held Lances? Seeing as how Blockedlance is when a girl wont have sex with you, I guess 'Held Lances' describes what you have to do afterwards?
thx
Post by: Aldaris on August 27, 2009, 10:11:07 am
I was gonna post an update, -but then I got high.
Fixed.
Post by: Typoman on August 30, 2009, 12:33:07 am
if there is anyone as yet unclaimed i would like a dwarf, make it whomever you please, hopefully someone with some chance of survival hehe.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on September 01, 2009, 03:44:46 am
Just read through the whole thing. amazing work! can't wait to see what terrible depraved acts happen next!How about a mechanical death computer?
if there is anyone as yet unclaimed i would like a dwarf, make it whomever you please, hopefully someone with some chance of survival hehe.
Someone made a DF calculator thing, I'm sure we can twist that into something dwarvish.
Post by: Typoman on September 02, 2009, 09:23:41 pm
Post by: Eagle on September 02, 2009, 09:44:34 pm
Post by: MrGimp on September 04, 2009, 05:42:09 pm
Arrgh, MrGimp hasnt been on for a week. Dammit.
A pox on the gimp!
Post by: MrGimp on September 04, 2009, 05:58:22 pm
"I have no work!" shouted one.
"You're working me to death!" shouted another.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/uristmafol.jpg)
All day long she had to conduct meetings with these miserable creatures. They were never happy, no matter what she did, and they wouldnt even let her get her nookie on. Most of the dwarves were totally nuts and suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, you know, from all their babies being impaled and what not. Two of the military dwarves just stood in the corner chattering to themselves, and had been doing so for years. Another civilian dwarf had taken to attending meetings with the Queen, but never moved from her spot. This wasn't even to mention the strange melancholy of these humans who do not leave. A force has drawn them here, and keeps them like a magnet.
The human lovers Dunem and Dema remain in their eternal arguments at the top of the main stairway. Dwarves must walk past them constantly as they go about their day. The miserably tall ones are starting to make all the inhabitants of Rifotkubuk nervous. It is known that the humans have no stomach for Dwarven life, and in a place such as this, where only the mightiest can even meekly survive (psychologically), it is almost guaranteed that these humans will snap one day and slaughter many a dwarf.
Post by: MrGimp on September 05, 2009, 12:15:10 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring236.jpg)
So the Queen and the Ducal Heir were locked below all winter and into the spring. Our military is dwindling, and the problem is made worse this year.
A goblin squad ambushes us this year along the southern wall. Lord Akigagak slaughtered them all singlehandedly.
But then the elves came. In the west, the crazy berserker Jazz held off a squad. To the south, Akigagak held back another. MadMonkey24 stood in front of the temple, so that no elf could further desecrate Armok's sacredness.
In the west, Jazz was being overwhelmed. Mad Monkey joined in as the salughter of elves crept closer to the temple. Lord Dullard made his way to the battle along with Randall and Shamus (dont worry Samus ;)) and the rest of his squad. They pushed the elves back out of the main courtyard, but more elf squads poured in. Lord Dullard and his men ran to meet them, and the tide of elves was pushed back. As they began to flee, they shot fireballs into the mass of dwarves. Poor Shamus, he burst into flames and was cooked inside his armor.
After the elves had fled, the dwarves mourned the loss of another champion. He was taken below, and placed in a temporary tomb until the Dwarven Valhalla Cave was finished.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/shamus236.jpg)
The two dwarves that had burried the body were squadmates of ol' Shamus. Samus and Typoman sat in the depths of Blockedlance's catacombs remembering their friend.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Samus236.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Typoman.jpg)
"I'm gonna miss that ol' Amish bastard!" said Typoman.
"Aye." Samus scratched the back of his head. "He was a good friend. It's like a part of me has been burried this day."
There was a somber silence.
Typoman spoke at last. "Well...let's go get some booze."
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 05, 2009, 04:21:12 pm
Post by: MrGimp on September 05, 2009, 04:45:00 pm
The hemaphrodite Human Diplomat Dunem Trickscars has killed him/her/itself!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/DunemDead.jpg)
Dema Tuneslop is devestated.
Many a dwarf gathered around to watch him wail in agony at the loss of his beloved. The dwarves of Blockedlance had learned to find joy wherever they could, and they often found it in the misery of others. They're sick like that.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/HumansStink.jpg)
Eventually they had to move on, though, as Dunem's body began to rot. For some reason, they would not bury the crazy human's corpse. So he/she/it just sat rotting at the top of our main stairway.
Post by: MrGimp on September 05, 2009, 04:51:38 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/EagleCave.jpg)
Eagle had dug a big vein of limonite out, and was planning to smelt it. First, however, he wanted to get the muddening process going (yeah Im making up words, so what?). He began feverishly pumping water up from below. He was a bit overzealous, and eventually flooded his cave garden.
(I actually forgot to tell him to stop pumping even after I took this picture. It became really swampy down there. I had to dig out more rock so that the water level would go down and evaporate.)
Say, let's take a look at what Eagle's wearing shall we?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/EagleOutfit.jpg)
Shoes, a sock, and a backpack. Now THAT's fashion sense!
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 05, 2009, 04:54:56 pm
And be a hermit.
Post by: Eagle on September 05, 2009, 06:43:09 pm
Post by: MrGimp on September 05, 2009, 07:21:29 pm
Haha wow. Also, how the hell am i smelting things? Do i have some coal in there? Or did i steal a bunch of charcoal?
You have yet to smelt anything Im afraid. You stole an anvil and made a forge, then you stole an axe so you could chop down tower caps. You had watered a bit of the garden before, now you have enlarged and watered the rest of it.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnEagleCave.jpg)
You built an atom smasher too...because you already have a ton of stone crafts and blocks and mugs, and you need to clear the tower cap farm.
Heres the floor a couple floors above your tower cap farm.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnEagleCave2.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on September 05, 2009, 07:32:35 pm
In the fall a dwarven caravan comes from Letterclose. We trade a bunch of goblin and elf junk for some anvils and cheese. Oh how I wish they would bring fine pewter.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnDwarfMerchants.jpg)
In other news, the pyramid has been under construction for about a year now. While the first layer of stones are being placed Mogror and his assitant Ravus Maniacus realize a complete and total error in the planned dimensions of the monument. A line of constructions are quietly removed. Mogror is glad the Queen is down below instead of up here to see his screw up.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AutumnPyramidScrewUp.jpg)
(Okay it was my screw up...I'm still blaming Mogror)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 05, 2009, 07:33:51 pm
Bad totally obediant dwarf.
Post by: MrGimp on September 05, 2009, 07:39:43 pm
Yeah.
Bad totally obediant dwarf.
Well he goes out on those all night quarcaine binges with that raving maniac Ravus Maniacus...then when he gets to work in the morning he's shouting incoherent orders at his minions.
This pyramid will probably come out all crooked and wobbly.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 05, 2009, 07:50:47 pm
Post by: MrGimp on September 05, 2009, 07:53:57 pm
When you visit Blockedlance in adventure mode, dont touch the pyramid. It will fall down.
Post by: Typoman on September 05, 2009, 09:38:47 pm
can't wait to see my deeds and escapdes.
collapsable pyramid eh? sounds like Fun. :)
Post by: MrGimp on September 05, 2009, 11:48:03 pm
Queen Urist has not been able to rid herself of these two pesky dwarves who keep wanting a meeting, even though she has been meeting with them for a year straight! She heads to the Homicide Booths. The dimwitted dwarves follow her.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterUrist.jpg)
At last there is peace. Urist and Mafol make love in the bloody recesses of Blockedlance's death chambers.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WinterUristLove.jpg)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 06, 2009, 12:13:01 am
The dwarven lube.
Post by: Rashilul on September 06, 2009, 12:58:26 am
Blood-MY EYES
The dwarven lube.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on September 06, 2009, 01:59:47 am
Yeah.
Bad totally obediant dwarf.
Well he goes out on those all night quarcaine binges with that raving maniac Ravus Maniacus...then when he gets to work in the morning he's shouting incoherent orders at his minions.
This pyramid will probably come out all crooked and wobbly.
When you're over a thousand years old, I bet you'll need a bit of pepping up too.
Post by: MrGimp on September 06, 2009, 01:17:51 pm
Yeah.
Bad totally obediant dwarf.
Well he goes out on those all night quarcaine binges with that raving maniac Ravus Maniacus...then when he gets to work in the morning he's shouting incoherent orders at his minions.
This pyramid will probably come out all crooked and wobbly.
When you're over a thousand years old, I bet you'll need a bit of pepping up too.
You guys get a lot of pepping up. In addition to your duties as chief mechanic and courtier of the Queen, you apparently run the Crafts Store as well. And it's doing better than any other store! Ravius Maniacus owns the clothing store....but he's running that thing into the ground. He's trying to sell it for like 390 bucks right now.
The Duchess' daughters own the two other stores. As is proper for their rank.
Post by: MrGimp on September 06, 2009, 01:27:14 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring237.jpg)
I have assigned the last non-purple Duchess' daughter to be the new trader, and so the wealth is not accounted for. Its about 9.3 million. Pathetically small considering how long we've been here (34 years). There was a wealth accumulation challenge a while back on the forums and someone got like 40 million within two years. Hahaha
I think I must've been too busy killing dwarves. Speaking of which, I killed a heathen Hammerer and Tax Collector as well as the two peasants Urist killed in the Temple, so now we're down to 51 dwarves. This spring, another Hammerer and Tax Collector arrive, and the Tax Collector actually worships Ber Steelearthen. Her brain is washable, she can live. The Hammerer will still have to die.
Another siege comes this season too. The goblins are really laying it on thick now that our numbers have dwindled. They know that if they cannot beat us now, then they never will.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 06, 2009, 02:04:03 pm
We're goin' goblin huntin'
Post by: Randall Octagonapus on September 06, 2009, 03:11:02 pm
Post by: Akigagak on September 09, 2009, 02:45:23 pm
2 WHOLE abushes? Alone? Good God.
Do I have a title now?
Post by: MrGimp on September 12, 2009, 04:29:11 pm
Just been cacthing up on this after a LLLOONNGG absence.
2 WHOLE abushes? Alone? Good God.
Do I have a title now?
Yeah you've had a title for years. You are Lord Akigagak Citylancers, the Romantic Flayer.
Post by: Akigagak on September 12, 2009, 04:37:57 pm
Or perverted.
Post by: MrGimp on September 12, 2009, 04:50:38 pm
The horribleness of epically horrible horriblosity has befallen dwarfkind!!!!
It's terrible!!!
See, my computer needed wiping, cuz it's going on 9 years old. So I got everything important off my hard drive and onto my flash drive. I even saved two different DF folders (I had several DF folders on my computer full of modding and stuff).
However, I just discovered that I did not save the right folders. Ugh.
It's not as apocalyptic as it could've been though. I have a save of Blockedlance as of Spring 234, the beginning of Chapter 10, the very season that that damnable elf died in Armok's temple. His foul elf blood has cursed us all!!!
So now we have time-travelled back to spring of 234. The Gods hate me. This is punishment for my assbaggery, my tomfoolery, and my stoned blasphemous ramblings, I am sure of it.
Well you know what? The Gods be damned! The QUEEN will prevail!!!!
Post by: Akigagak on September 12, 2009, 05:14:53 pm
Damn.
Post by: MrGimp on September 12, 2009, 05:53:32 pm
Post by: Akigagak on September 12, 2009, 05:55:31 pm
Killing Elves is the important thing.
Post by: MrGimp on September 12, 2009, 07:34:46 pm
Rifotkubuk Pranced Upon
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/NorthElves.jpg)
Far to the north of Blockedlance, on the other side of Sil Gomath, the elves of Ayithele gathered in an old ruined forest grove. They could not remove the dwarves of Blockedlance from the unholy mountain's corruption, but they could remove the corruption from the dwarves. They surrounded themselves with ancient wooden idols and amulets. And there in that grove they pranced...they pranced as though they had never pranced before.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/elfgrove1.jpg)
Their prancing and happy thoughts summoned their ancient and forgotten Goddess Ayelawethy, the Most Pranciful One. Ayelawethy pranced on down to Blockedlance in her leafy bikini. Armok manifested himself at the gates, intending to stop her...but Ayelawethy's body was so fertile, and her breasts carried the bounty of all of nature within them.
Armok Cancels Kill: Interrupted by Boner
To make a long story short, Armok had some fun, smoked a cigarette and then passed out. While he was slumbering, Ayelawethy marched on Blockedlance unopposed. The dwarves fled in terror at the sight of the loving nurturing Goddess. Ayelawethy did the unthinkable; she blessed Blockedlance and banished all evil spirits! Squirrels and chipmunks replaced the Goat Demons and Fire Demons. The stone walls of Blockedlance crumbled under the weight of the plant life.
When Armok awoke, he was horrified to see what had become of his great hellhole...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ElfKill.jpg)
"Ohhhhhhh fuuuuck...." said Armok as he watched the moat gently flowing like a brook around the old mossy stone walls. A light mist met his face as the wind blew. "It's...it's...pleasant..." he said gritting his teeth.
"I wont go down like this Elf Slut!!! I will travel back in time and stop you from ever having any power over this place! I will travel back in time and stop that blue elf blood from sanctifying my unholy temple!!!"
With that, the Dark Lord lifted his hands. The water turned murky and black, the land turned ashy and withered. Blockedlance was returned to it's proper state, three years in the past...
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 12, 2009, 07:36:35 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 12, 2009, 07:51:09 pm
Do the TIME WARP, MOTHERFUCKER.
Post by: MrGimp on September 12, 2009, 10:40:15 pm
Interesting things to note -
Filusinox, your dwarf Fil is alive again.
LegoLord is alive again (and is our longest-run forum dwarf again).
The Human Diplomat Dunem Trickscars is still alive, but still glitched and immobile by the glass windows. There is no human caravan in our stairway...but Im sure theyll be back.
This sets us back to page 57, the post that has the picture of the spring status screen. It was posted July 12th, and two months later, on Septermber 12th, we are right back there. >:(
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 13, 2009, 12:58:01 am
Post by: MrGimp on September 13, 2009, 01:07:45 am
I was about to make the former rebel soldiers fight it... but then...it was erased from existence...
Post by: Christes on September 13, 2009, 10:07:22 am
Is Christes affected by this? I mean, if dwarves can come back from the underworld because of the time loop, then it highly suggests that the underworld wwas affected as well.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 13, 2009, 10:11:55 am
Tradan will be alone and sexless again!
D:
Post by: MrGimp on September 13, 2009, 11:02:30 am
Metaphysical question:
Is Christes affected by this? I mean, if dwarves can come back from the underworld because of the time loop, then it highly suggests that the underworld wwas affected as well.
Christes, Tradan, and even Myth are unaffected by this. The time loop goes back only to the beginning of post 851 on page 57. You are all still safely experiencing eons of misery.
Post by: MrGimp on September 13, 2009, 11:09:11 am
t goes back to the year that the pyramid was built. It actually goes back to before I built these two tower things in front of the temple. I was just finishing them up too. :-\
Oh well, fuck those tower/obelisk things. They probably looked stupid in 3Dwarf. Ill just build the pyramid this time around. And Im going to make more dwarves into masons.
Post by: MrGimp on September 13, 2009, 11:12:29 am
I wonder how many other bugs are fixed by me cleaning off my computer? I'm gonna try uploading the map again...
Post by: Christes on September 13, 2009, 11:52:37 am
Metaphysical question:
Is Christes affected by this? I mean, if dwarves can come back from the underworld because of the time loop, then it highly suggests that the underworld wwas affected as well.
Christes, Tradan, and even Myth are unaffected by this. The time loop goes back only to the beginning of post 851 on page 57. You are all still safely experiencing eons of misery.
I know. But did the last 3 years in the eons of misery not occur?
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 13, 2009, 12:00:17 pm
FUCK YES.
TIME TO SHOOT BOLTS AND CHEW +cat tallow gum+
...and I'm all out of gum...
Post by: MrGimp on September 13, 2009, 12:15:26 pm
I'm alive?
FUCK YES.
TIME TO SHOOT BOLTS AND CHEW +cat tallow gum+
...and I'm all out of gum...
Nah you're not alive, unless you call floating in an infinite void tied to your bloody mangled mutilated girlfriend living.
Post by: MrGimp on September 13, 2009, 12:17:13 pm
Metaphysical question:
Is Christes affected by this? I mean, if dwarves can come back from the underworld because of the time loop, then it highly suggests that the underworld wwas affected as well.
Christes, Tradan, and even Myth are unaffected by this. The time loop goes back only to the beginning of post 851 on page 57. You are all still safely experiencing eons of misery.
I know. But did the last 3 years in the eons of misery not occur?
I suppose they have 'unoccured'...but we'll assume they occur again in the exact same way. Myth is still crucified by the kneecaps to the Tree of Woe!!!
Post by: MrGimp on September 13, 2009, 12:18:21 pm
Linky (http://mkv25.net/dfma/map-6951-blockedlance)
Post by: Akigagak on September 13, 2009, 12:22:49 pm
Also, how many fourmite dwarfs were un-named/un-migrated?
Post by: MrGimp on September 13, 2009, 02:23:19 pm
Have I still got my title?
Also, how many fourmite dwarfs were un-named/un-migrated?
You've had your title since the 220s or even before.
Only 3 dwarves were unmigrated, but I migrated them back.
Post by: Samus1111111 on September 13, 2009, 04:04:00 pm
Post by: Jim Groovester on September 13, 2009, 08:55:27 pm
Eberdek should be having lots of deja vu, me thinks.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 13, 2009, 09:16:17 pm
That'd be nice.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on September 14, 2009, 10:06:29 am
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 14, 2009, 06:45:23 pm
Post by: mythmonster2 on September 15, 2009, 06:36:44 pm
Myth rose up from the floor. As always, Hans was standing there, ready to greet him. "Hello, my little rebel dwarf! I've got some news for you! Blockedlance, you know, that place where you died, but who could forget that, has just been purified of all evil!"
Myth stared in disbelief. "So... Queen Urist... she is dead?"
Derisive laughter answered him. "Oh, not quite. Great Lord Armok wasn't quite pleased with his greatest temple becoming a bastion of elfdom, so he reversed time!"
Myth continued staring. "If time has been reversed... than I am free of this hell! I will be back, and this time Urist will per- AAAAGH!" Myth could only stare as Grim Grom touched his spine, disintegrating it and making him lose consciousness almost immediately.
"Ohoho, not that far, my friend. We will be acquaintances for quite some time. Quite some time indeed"
Post by: Aldaris on September 16, 2009, 09:51:09 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 16, 2009, 04:20:27 pm
"Why thank you. May I have your soul with that?"
"Of course, good sir."
"Jolly good.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on September 17, 2009, 07:54:57 am
Post by: Aldaris on September 17, 2009, 01:05:01 pm
'So, how's your day been, old chap?'
*Incoherent screaming*
'Ah, well, that's true I suppose, tea?'
*Slightly more coherent screaming, now with added rage*
'Well, that's impolite.'
Post by: MrGimp on September 17, 2009, 10:00:12 pm
Is my first badass champion alive again?
Nah, he rotted away in the Valhalla Cave long ago. But if it makes you feel better, he was given a grand funeral.
Kurk Quarcane played 'Will Ye No Come Back Again?' on some bagpipes.
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 18, 2009, 04:48:07 am
Post by: Soviet Travolta on September 18, 2009, 05:05:02 am
Of course, i'll humbly request to join the fun if you see fit. You can call that dwarf Soviet Travolta, or just Travolta if you prefer, and give him the role his name fits the best. As long as i end up having my name on a
Edit: oh and hi first post o/
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 18, 2009, 05:35:23 am
You'll fit in just fine.
Post by: Soviet Travolta on September 18, 2009, 06:10:16 am
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 18, 2009, 07:11:52 am
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on September 18, 2009, 10:02:49 am
Post by: MrGimp on September 19, 2009, 12:31:10 am
Chapter #10 1/2 - A Not As New Dawn
Spring 234 again.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring-1.png)
Queen Urist sat in the royal throne room, surrounded by her doting courtiers. She was totally disoriented. How did she get here?
"Your majesty?" asked Mogror.
"Huh?" mumbled the Queen.
"You were giving us orders," smiled Mogror nervously. Had she finally lost it? Even more?
"Orders?"
"Yeah you were telling us to go rebuild the roads, and lay the foundation of a great pyramid to celebrate your twenty fifth anniversary as Queen of the Ageless Matched Lashes!"
"No that cant be right...we already did all that!" laughed the Queen.
"Errr..." Mogror looked about nervously.
There was a long awkward silence. Urist was confused, so she just went along with it. "Fine fine...go rebuild the roads. Build me a pyramid! Just get out of here!"
"Yes your majesty!" shouted Mogror and the other courtiers. They rushed out of the room before the psychotic Queen could inflict her wrath upon them.
"What in the blazes is going on?" shouted the Queen into the silent room. She paced about her palace, and eventually found her way to the Dining Hall where Eberdek was sitting at a table sobbing uncontrollably. "Eh...what's wrong peasant?"
"Oh...uhhh....your majesty....I uhhh....it's just....these sugar roasts.....I SWEAR I've already eaten these! I know it! I can't take it anymore!"
"Pull it together! You're going to be eating a lot more of those before my feasting is done..." Urist paused. "Yes...feasting. Twenty-fifth anniversary....this is 234 again! I remember this!"
"I'm gonna be sick!" groaned Eberdek as he put his hand to his mouth.
A guard rushed forward from the doorway of the Dining Hall. "My Gods! He's been poisoned your majesty!"
"No...I never got poisoned in 234." Urist grabbed a sugar roast and bit into it. "God I love these roasts!"
Urist then made her way to the temple. There amidst the scent of death she communed with her God and was informed of the great tragedy that had befallen Blockedlance. The things he said felt almost like memories to her...but not quite. It was all very vague and dream like. She couldn't tell what was real, but decided she could of course trust the Blood God.
When the Elves came in the Spring, she was ready for them, for she had already known they were coming. The elf horde was slaughtered to an elf, not one drop of blue blood fell on our sweet temple. It was glorious...but Urist was still depressed to see that the Pyramid hadn't even been started yet. It was going to be a looooong couple decades before that edifice was complete.
Post by: Jim Groovester on September 19, 2009, 12:37:19 am
Post by: MrGimp on September 19, 2009, 01:07:35 am
Congratulations for this fantastic story! It took me 3 days to read it all, dangerously elongating my coffee breaks to unproductive lenghts, but it was worth it! I've started playing DF a month ago, and for now had only read the tale of Boatmurdered. I found Blockedlance to be as much entertaining. For sure, it will fuel my will to play this game longer to be able to try something of this scale someday.
Of course, i'll humbly request to join the fun if you see fit. You can call that dwarf Soviet Travolta, or just Travolta if you prefer, and give him the role his name fits the best. As long as i end up having my name on abadlyhorribly scuplted tombstone inside Blockedlance catacombs, i'll be a happy dwarf.
Edit: oh and hi first post o/
Haha thanks dude!
Hmmmm....I think Soviet Travolta would be a good name for the Duke's son. The once and future Queen's Consort!
Post by: MrGimp on September 19, 2009, 01:40:42 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vg5bLOQr1MM (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vg5bLOQr1MM)
Ahhh, the sad melodies of heartbreaking pain and irreparable loss! There's nothing I love more than brutally crushed hopes. :D
Interesting fact -
It was written about an English Prince (Bonnie Prince Charles) that belonged to the Catholic branch of the English royal family (the Stuarts). His father had his crown revoked. Charles grew up wanting to seize it back. He landed in Scotland and took an army of Highlanders to win glory and power. He failed. He fled with the help of the Scotsmen and never did come back again. He eventually died in exile without an heir. The Scottish people were brutally punished by the new English king.
Post by: MrGimp on September 19, 2009, 01:42:22 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taeNMhlf5PU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taeNMhlf5PU)
Can you believe someone would say this about our beloved Queen? Treason! Blasphemy!
The Queen is NOT amused!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/queen.jpg)
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on September 19, 2009, 05:54:42 am
Speaking of songs about royalty...look at this!!!I imagine urist to look like that, but with a matted beard.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taeNMhlf5PU (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taeNMhlf5PU)
Can you believe someone would say this about our beloved Queen? Treason! Blasphemy!
The Queen is NOT amused!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/queen.jpg)
Post by: Plank of Wood on September 19, 2009, 07:50:44 am
:P
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 19, 2009, 10:18:05 am
May I request a dwarf, or will I regret that later?You probably can request a dwarf, and have a garuntee of regretting that later.
:P
Post by: Christes on September 19, 2009, 11:08:14 am
Post by: MrGimp on September 19, 2009, 11:25:25 am
May I request a dwarf, or will I regret that later?
:P
Sorry. Regrets are included. ;D
What do you want to name the dwarf?
Post by: Plank of Wood on September 19, 2009, 11:38:46 am
May I request a dwarf, or will I regret that later?
:P
Sorry. Regrets are included. ;D
What do you want to name the dwarf?
I'm half wanting it to call it Winston Smith.
Infact, yes, call the Dwarf Winston.
Post by: MrGimp on September 19, 2009, 01:21:55 pm
May I request a dwarf, or will I regret that later?
:P
Sorry. Regrets are included. ;D
What do you want to name the dwarf?
I'm half wanting it to call it Winston Smith.
Infact, yes, call the Dwarf Winston.
Sure Ill add him. We basically have no men though. And absolutely no un-named male Armok worshipers. You'll probably be a heathen peasant farmer or something. Ill put you to work on the pyramid. ;D
Post by: Plank of Wood on September 19, 2009, 01:36:40 pm
Unless you decided to make him a member of your propaganda team, then he REALLY will be a Winston McDwarf. Also if you wish to end him, make sure you only kill him by looking up his worst fear/hated animal/object and using that to kill him. Generally, use Room 101.
Overall, doubleplusgood.
Post by: MrGimp on September 19, 2009, 01:41:10 pm
She screamed in terror. Her guards that always followed her looked awkwardly at each other.
Urist looked back at the dwarf. He did indeed have skin afterall. Urist calmed down. "Oh...Fil....hey there," said the Queen.
"Uhhh....hello your majesty," answered Fil slowly. It was always bad to have the Queen notice you. "Did I do something wrong your majesty? I will whip myself if I did!"
"No no....it's just....so weird," Urist spoke. "I remember burying you!"
There was silence. Fil mentioned having to get the stone to the stockpile and quickly skulked off. Suddenly a voice rang out from behind the Queen.
"What's all the commotion? Are you all right, your majesty?" Urist turned to see Lord Lego standing before her, living and breathing.
"AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!" she shrieked again.
Post by: MrGimp on September 19, 2009, 01:43:55 pm
Sounds fitting for the Dwarf version of Winston Smith.
Unless you decided to make him a member of your propaganda team, then he REALLY will be a Winston McDwarf. Also if you wish to end him, make sure you only kill him by looking up his worst fear/hated animal/object and using that to kill him. Generally, use Room 101.
Overall, doubleplusgood.
As a builder of the pyramid, Winston will probably end up serving in the next cult of freemasonry. So yeah, it'll be pretty 1984ish! :)
Post by: Soviet Travolta on September 19, 2009, 01:48:32 pm
Hmmmm....I think Soviet Travolta would be a good name for the Duke's son. The once and future Queen's Consort!
If i'm not mistaken, that would be mean...that i'd be destined to breed the Mother Queen? That would be awesome! That would also mean great opportunities to write in-character impressions of Urist's love parades, so that the world could know more about another twisted side of her personality. :) One question remains: if she was an Ant queen, devouring her breeder before she lays her first eggs, would she ask Eberdek to taste the unfortunate "stallion"?
Post by: MrGimp on September 19, 2009, 02:20:09 pm
One question remains: if she was an Ant queen, devouring her breeder before she lays her first eggs, would she ask Eberdek to taste the unfortunate "stallion"?
Of course. Rules are rules.
Post by: Jim Groovester on September 19, 2009, 02:56:36 pm
One question remains: if she was an Ant queen, devouring her breeder before she lays her first eggs, would she ask Eberdek to taste the unfortunate "stallion"?
Of course. Rules are rules.
Ew. That's disgusting.
Post by: Grath on September 19, 2009, 08:53:49 pm
One question remains: if she was an Ant queen, devouring her breeder before she lays her first eggs, would she ask Eberdek to taste the unfortunate "stallion"?
Of course. Rules are rules.
Ew. That's disgusting.
. . . And where have you been the past, oh, half of this thread?
(Which I just got done reading. Epic story. Could very well be enough to pull me out of the DF-slump I'm in due to the last fort hitting the Death Zone of low FPS and my starting college)
Post by: Jim Groovester on September 19, 2009, 09:47:42 pm
. . . And where have you been the past, oh, half of this thread?
Reading it, of course.
Just because I'm familiar with the brazen depravity and insanity of this thread doesn't mean I can't bemoan the situations my characters fall into. Which may or may not have been part of their description when I requested them.
Post by: MrGimp on September 19, 2009, 10:09:51 pm
Could very well be enough to pull me out of the DF-slump I'm in due to the last fort hitting the Death Zone of low FPS and my starting college)
Yeah I hit that FPS death zone about 20 some odd dwarf years ago. You just cant melt down or atom smash all that elf and goblin junk fast enough. Even Blockedlance's occasional cleansing fires cant do away with enough stuff to bring my FPS back above 20. Im actually back down below 10 again at the moment. I just keep chugging along.
I have formulated a plan to rid myself of the detritus of thirty years of warfare. It involves something very near and dear to the dwarven heart.
Post by: MrGimp on September 19, 2009, 10:31:54 pm
Meanwhile...in a more ethereal realm, the spirit of that very elf was just waking up. He was disoriented. He rubbed his eyes and looked about. All he saw was an empty barren rocky landscape. He stood up. Immediately upon standing he felt incredibly woozy.
"Oh my God I need to sit down!" he groaned as he put his hands to his head and stumbled to the ground. He sat there for a moment, before the pain of a jagged rock intruded his rest. "Blasted rocks!" He looked around again. He hadn't noticed it before, but there was a chair sitting not too far away. He dizzily made his way to the chair and plopped himself down in it. After a moment he tried to readjust himself in the chair, and then again.
"My heavens this chair is quite uncomfortable!" he shouted. He stood up and looked around. He hadnt noticed it, but there was ANOTHER chair not far away. "Oh, that one looks nice!"
He sat in the chair, but the cushion was lumpy. He found another chair, but it didnt even HAVE a cushion! Another chair was uncomfortably low to the ground, another was uncomfortably high...there were chairs that were to hot to sit on, chairs that were too cold. There were chairs made of stone, chairs made of wood, chairs made of soap....but all of them, every last one, was totally and completely uncomfortable.
It began to occur to him that he might never find somewhere comfortable to sit. Then it dawned on him where he was. It was the most damnable fate for an elf. "Oh my God! I'm in the Hell of Uncomfortable Chairs!!!"
He knew his soft elven ass would never know comfort again...his heart broke and he wept uncontrollably.
Post by: Eagle on September 19, 2009, 10:42:53 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 19, 2009, 11:35:04 pm
The horrors!
I'm just glad it's not as bad as the "Hell of Solitude Exept For Whoever You Have Slept With"
Post by: Plank of Wood on September 20, 2009, 04:29:15 am
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 20, 2009, 06:17:15 am
Post by: Randall Octagonapus on September 20, 2009, 09:55:22 am
P.S. I love watership down
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 20, 2009, 06:13:56 pm
Post by: Randall Octagonapus on September 20, 2009, 06:29:09 pm
Exactly. Many people love watership down. Imagine the horror of being read lemons of it for all eternity!
The Horrrrrroooooorrrrrrr
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 20, 2009, 06:31:46 pm
It'd be fucking awesome if they somehow influenced an event as ghosts.
Post by: Christes on September 21, 2009, 12:11:59 am
Speaking of the many hells of Armok's domain, how is Tradan and Christes doing? I sure hope they are fine.
It'd be fucking awesome if they somehow influenced an event as ghosts.
Speaking of the many hells of Armok's domain, how is Tradan and Christes doing? I sure hope they are fine.
how is Tradan and Christes doing? I sure hope they are fine.
I sure hope they are fine.
fine
hahahahahahahaha
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 21, 2009, 12:38:18 am
Post by: Christes on September 21, 2009, 01:01:14 am
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 21, 2009, 03:34:15 am
It's just that an arm falling off just seems... less important. Sure, it'd impact your life more directly, but I think all males fear not having a penis.
Post by: Plank of Wood on September 21, 2009, 11:14:42 am
Post by: Reasonableman on September 21, 2009, 01:16:37 pm
Post by: MrGimp on September 21, 2009, 03:21:14 pm
Is it me or does Jackrabbit have a thing for the removal of reproductive organs?
My reproductive organs have brought me nothing but trouble.
But yeah...Jackrabbit is right. I'd still rather be one-armed than two-legged.
Post by: MrGimp on September 21, 2009, 03:31:17 pm
This is just the weirdest point in this thread to jump in on. I honestly have no clue what is going on here.
You're just being far too reasonable Reasonableman, that's all. ;D
A brief summary of the story -
A dwarven civilization on the brink of destruction strikes adamantine and the outpost was slaughtered by demons. A reclaim party is sent, but only one survives - a dwarf named Urist. Urist lived like a hermit for a while before the Queen came. Then Urist killed the Queen and made herself Queen. Then she assassinated the Duke. Then she built a temple to Ber Steelearthen...but it was really a Temple to Armok. So she fooled everyone into going along with sacrifices to
That's where we're at so far.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 21, 2009, 04:13:23 pm
Post by: MrGimp on September 21, 2009, 04:13:37 pm
As he did so, dwarves began gathering. The Queen climbed to the top of the battlements and spoke down to the dwarves below, "Hear me, my flock! Many of you do not believe in the might of my God...but it is HE that holds back the darkness. With his help, I have rebuilt our nation! Who questions the glory of our God when they look at his temple? Who can question the wealth He has brought to this place?"
There was silence among the crowd below.
"Yet still some of you snicker in the hallways...complaining that this wealth had too high a price. You complain that you have lost too many loved ones. You do not even thank our Lord above for the pain he has given you! It can only make you stronger!"
At this point a couple of the more beardly dwarves clapped their hands and shouted out in agreement.
"Yes my dwarves! Hear this from me, for I was not born to the purple! I clawed my way to it! Strength is all that matters! I will make our nation strong again! I ask only that you stand with me!"
The crowd applauded and cheered, not wanting to be considered a rebel or traitor.
"Good! Those who are strong enough to stand beside me shall share in the riches of our great new mountain-home! For with the help of our Lord, nothing is impossible!!! High Priest, commence the conjuring!"
High Priest Kulaka raised the scepter, and shouted another line of ancient dwarvish. Then he plunged the scepter into the water of the moat. Immediately the surface of the water burst into flames, knocking the High Priest back...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/250px-VictoryOLord.jpg)
The dwarves ran to the entry ways and battlements to see what had happened. The water was no longer blue...it was red. And as some of the dwarves neared it, they were struck by it's heat. Suddenly they realized what it was. All of the fighting and rebellion, all of the doubts about the Queen and the Priests, they were all swept away instantly. The Queen had brought about something no other dwarf had ever been able to do. It was the ultimate dwarven alchemy. Humans sought to turn things into worthless gold. That was nothing. No. The great Queen Urist had turned water into magma! (okay technically lava)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/magma.jpg)
The dwarves shouted, nearly in unisonm "Long live Queen Urist! Gods save the Queen!". They dropped to their knees - every one of them - and began cheering and bowing and clapping their hands.
Now...at last....Blockedlance had everything!
Post by: Eagle on September 21, 2009, 04:22:54 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 21, 2009, 04:29:11 pm
It's the end of the world as we know it!
It's the end of the world as we know it!
And I feel fine~!
Post by: Randall Octagonapus on September 21, 2009, 05:18:50 pm
Post by: MrGimp on September 21, 2009, 06:47:11 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on September 22, 2009, 10:52:41 am
It's rather hard to tell.
Post by: Plank of Wood on September 22, 2009, 12:11:14 pm
Post by: MrGimp on September 22, 2009, 01:02:31 pm
Is Mogror dying, or just laughing?
It's rather hard to tell.
With all the new engineering possibilities opened up by infinite magma placed exactly where it is needed, I think Mogror is crapping himself with glee! Err...IF he were wearing any clothes which he could crap that is. I suppose in reality he's just crapping the floor.
Post by: MrGimp on September 22, 2009, 01:05:42 pm
I honestly really want to make Winston McDwarf some diary entries, but I don't think I could write them epicly enough to match the thread.
Feel free to write diary entries or things like that, epic or not (that goes for everybody). If it conflicts with the story somehow Ill step in and lay down the law.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on September 22, 2009, 02:28:03 pm
Is Mogror dying, or just laughing?
It's rather hard to tell.
With all the new engineering possibilities opened up by infinite magma placed exactly where it is needed, I think Mogror is crapping himself with glee! Err...IF he were wearing any clothes which he could crap that is. I suppose in reality he's just crapping the floor.
That's an image too awful to contemplate
Post by: MrGimp on September 22, 2009, 03:21:46 pm
Is Mogror dying, or just laughing?
It's rather hard to tell.
With all the new engineering possibilities opened up by infinite magma placed exactly where it is needed, I think Mogror is crapping himself with glee! Err...IF he were wearing any clothes which he could crap that is. I suppose in reality he's just crapping the floor.
That's an image too awful to contemplate
And yet too hilarious not to! ;D
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 22, 2009, 06:16:39 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 22, 2009, 07:57:42 pm
Tradan has yet to believe Christes' credibility.
Post by: Christes on September 22, 2009, 09:23:50 pm
I honestly really want to make Winston McDwarf some diary entries, but I don't think I could write them epicly enough to match the thread.
Feel free to write diary entries or things like that, epic or not (that goes for everybody). If it conflicts with the story somehow Ill step in and lay down the law.
Diary entry of Christes: Time Unknown
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE PAIN OH LEBES THE PAIN
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 22, 2009, 10:17:45 pm
Wait, where'd we get journals? The pain is excruciating, but the ground tastes good and the sex is great. I heard one of the voices talking about lava in the moats at Blockedlance. Good for them.
Post by: Christes on September 22, 2009, 10:24:52 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 22, 2009, 10:27:26 pm
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on September 23, 2009, 09:25:55 am
I found this journal fused to the bottom of my traveling chest today. The last entry is dated to about three centuries ago, so this stuff must be from the treacle mines. One should never attempt to create mechanisms from treacle. Awfully good for a slow drowning trap, however. More fun than just tar, actually, but I digress. Queen Urist has been granted the power to create magma by Armok, God of Blood. I do hope he sees fit to grant her another reward soon, as she is almost unsurpassed in fulfilling his desires. Regardless, I shall have an awful lot of fun.
Post by: MrGimp on September 23, 2009, 11:42:44 am
I put it to you that page 69 must be devoted to those pedophile dwarves, if they're alive.
Nah, Catten drowned (or maybe he starved?) long ago. No pedophile fun anymore :(
But there is another relationship we can disgrace page 69 with....
Post by: MrGimp on September 23, 2009, 11:53:21 am
"Mmmph mm....h-hey!" said Mafol pulling away confused.
"What?" asked the Queen.
"What are you doing?"
"Well I had FINALLY got you to shack up with me after three years...Im not about to give you up!"
Mafol sat there trying to comprehend the queens mad ramblings. He gave up.
"Look Mafol, you shall plant the seed for the next generation of the monarchy!" explained the Queen. "Now get busy plowing this field!" Urist pulled off her silk shoe and sock, as that was all she was wearing.
"Wait....what? You want to have sex?"
"YES!"
"Oh," said Mafol. "Well why didn't you say so? Let's get going." Mafol grabbed her by the arm and began leading her to his chambers.
"No! We must make love in the death chambers!"
"What? Why? It smells foul down there!"
"Shut up! It is the only way! Also, in reward for doing this for me, I shall christen you with a new ancient dwarvish name, as is proper for the nobility. From now on your name is Travolta!" exclaimed the Queen with her hands in the air.
"Travolta?"
"Yes! And I hereby give you the title of Duke, and you shall hold the office of the Supreme Soviet!!!"
"Wait...my mom is the Duchess...how can I be Duke...unless....uhhh....hey Im not doing THAT alright!"
"I'll make her Grand-Duchess. Right under Queen."
"Ohhh...she'll like that! But....what is this office of the Supreme Soviet?"
"You will lead my new secret cult....the Stonecutters! The Grand Master of the Stonecutters' title is the Supreme Soviet!"
"Soviet Travolta eh? I like the sound of that !"
"Good. Now get in my belly!!!" yelled the Queen as she grabbed the Duke/Supreme Soviet and dragged him down the hall towards the death pits.
Post by: Plank of Wood on September 23, 2009, 12:02:23 pm
We do, we do!
Post by: MrGimp on September 23, 2009, 12:08:10 pm
Post by: Labs on September 23, 2009, 02:45:25 pm
Post by: Akigagak on September 23, 2009, 03:00:17 pm
"Good. Now get in my belly!!!" yelled the Queen as she grabbed the Duke/Supreme Soviet and dragged him down the hall towards the death pits.
... I think you broke my brain.
Post by: Soviet Travolta on September 23, 2009, 03:23:41 pm
Also, that may be due to the fact i'm not a native english speaker, but i felt that it would sound better if Travolta was the 'Soviet Supreme', instead of regular 'Supreme Soviet'. But maybe that's just me, so do as you please.
Post by: MrGimp on September 23, 2009, 05:20:21 pm
Hehe that is great! What a strange feeling to be at the same time glad and embarrassed for giving you such elements to build on. That said, I'm probably going to experience a whole array of strange feelings very soon anyway.
Also, that may be due to the fact i'm not a native english speaker, but i felt that it would sound better if Travolta was the 'Soviet Supreme', instead of regular 'Supreme Soviet'. But maybe that's just me, so do as you please.
Yeah English is backwards compared to most other European languages (or maybe most other languages period).
Like in Spanish, its 'El Pollo Loco'...but in English that translates to 'The Chicken Crazy', even though it MEANS 'The Crazy Chicken'.
Soviet Supreme sounds funny to me, probably the same way Supreme Soviet sounds funny to you, haha!
Buuuuuuttttt.....now that I think about it....Soviet means like a congress or union or council. So Supreme Council would mean more than one person...Council-Member Supreme does sound more like a title for one person. So that means then that the Stonecutters are the Supreme Soviet (the highest council) and it is headed by the Soviet Supreme (the council chairman). Ill go with that.
Okay, Ive probably confused everyone now! lol
Post by: Eagle on September 23, 2009, 05:24:02 pm
Post by: MrGimp on September 23, 2009, 05:24:33 pm
I would like to request another dwarf. Name him/her Curly and make him/her afreemasonstonecutter.
Sure Ill add you in again...I probably wont get to play again till the weekend though.
Post by: MrGimp on September 23, 2009, 05:26:14 pm
I really hope im not drinking magma now, due to all the water being turned into magma....at least i can smelt stuff now.
Nah just the moat was made into lava, theres still an underground river and a water system. Thats what youre drinking out of.
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 23, 2009, 05:33:02 pm
Post by: MrGimp on September 23, 2009, 05:39:42 pm
I'm not the only person who thought that a Soviet Supreme was a type of Russian Big Mac, am I?
A quarter pound of yak beef slathered in borscht. You've never had a burger like this comrade!
Post by: Jackrabbit on September 23, 2009, 05:43:48 pm
That was the 40s of course. Things were different then.
Post by: Christes on September 23, 2009, 10:25:33 pm
Yeah English is backwards compared to most other European languages (or maybe most other languages period).
Like in Spanish, its 'El Pollo Loco'...but in English that translates to 'The Chicken Crazy', even though it MEANS 'The Crazy Chicken'.
It's important to make a distinction between Germanic and Romance Languages here. In my experience, when most people are told to think of a European language, they think of Spanish, French, Italian, or some other romance language. These languages have no problems with adjects behind nouns. In my experience, however, Germanic languages all tend to agree with their red-headed cousin, English, when it comes to this.
Anyway, this is page 69? It's 21 for me ;)
Post by: Akigagak on September 23, 2009, 10:28:27 pm
Post by: Eagle on September 23, 2009, 11:24:26 pm
I'm not the only person who thought that a Soviet Supreme was a type of Russian Big Mac, am I?
A quarter pound of yak beef slathered in borscht. You've never had a burger like this comrade!
This is basically how my family makes borscht. A giant hunk of meat in the borscht, either beef or chicken (whatevers in the fridge) and its delicous.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 23, 2009, 11:40:59 pm
Nothing.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on September 24, 2009, 07:39:18 am
Post by: Moose Fisher on September 27, 2009, 08:02:46 pm
It's time for the Duchess to be stuck with 'inspiration' and name herself 'Moose' and talk in the third person! ;D
Post by: MrGimp on October 03, 2009, 01:45:06 am
I've finished reading the epic saga of Blockedlance, and now I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
It's time for the Duchess to be stuck with 'inspiration' and name herself 'Moose' and talk in the third person! ;D
Sorry...the Duchess is taken. You can be one of her daughters if you want, though! :)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 03, 2009, 01:48:56 am
Post by: MrGimp on October 03, 2009, 01:55:38 am
If anyone has a small business and needs a web page go to http://www.wheresmypage.com (http://www.wheresmypage.com) damnit! I suck, my stuff displays weird in Internet Explorer, and there are countless flaws and bugs...but I'm cheap(ish). No one else will make you a page and youtube commercials and provide traffic monitoring and all that jazz without charging thousands of dollars.
Of course....their stuff is higher quality....but damnit, I'm BEYOND QUALITY!!! I have transcended quality, to a higher plane of bare functionality. Stand in awe before me!!!
Post by: Christes on October 03, 2009, 02:07:38 am
Post by: MrGimp on October 03, 2009, 02:24:30 am
I dont like hawking my wares, but damnit, give me money! More money would allow me to buy some more RAM, which will run DF at FPS rates in the double digits! Then I could actually finish a game year in a weekend and get back to steady updates.
See how giving me all your hard earned money is in your best interest people?
Post by: Realmfighter on October 03, 2009, 11:55:16 am
Post by: MrGimp on October 03, 2009, 12:49:42 pm
But Im finally at the point where I think I'm good enough to start advertising. Advertising on Google and Yahoo costs a few hundred a month though. Bah!
Post by: filiusenox on October 03, 2009, 02:45:46 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 04, 2009, 04:09:17 pm
Can you make my dude a stonecutter?
Sure.
Post by: MrGimp on October 04, 2009, 04:20:18 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/fire.jpg)
So theres a couple raging wildfires in Blockedlance right now.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/fire2.jpg)
I like this feature. Although, it may not even have been Tweak. I had temperature off for a while to save FPS, but I turned it back on with the lava moat because I wanted to melt or burn useless junk. There may have been burning stuff in the field for a while, but nothing could happen with temperature off.
This leads me to an interesting idea...if you let a fire burn, then turn temperature off once it's 95% done, then wait for everything to grow back, then turn temperature back on, could you have an eternally burning fortress?
Post by: peterix on October 04, 2009, 04:27:50 pm
This leads me to an interesting idea...if you let a fire burn, then turn temperature off once it's 95% done, then wait for everything to grow back, then turn temperature back on, could you have an eternally burning fortress?
Sounds like a plan ;D
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 04, 2009, 06:02:43 pm
And not a regular mad genious.
A maniacal mad genious.
Post by: MrGimp on October 04, 2009, 06:38:48 pm
Dude. You are a mad genious.
And not a regular mad genious.
A maniacal mad genious.
That is the best compliment I have ever received!
When the nations of the world lie in ruins, and I have enslaved the Earth, you will be on the short list of people I do not have thrown in magma. Although...I may still have you flayed with glass. You know, just for old times sake. ;D
Post by: MrGimp on October 04, 2009, 06:46:06 pm
In the previous branch of quantum reality, the Human Diplomat had been insane for many years, babbling incoherently and randomly shattering panes of glass. In this new divergent reality, Dunem thinks Blockedlance is a lovely place!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/dunem.jpg)
Dunem Trickscars finally meets with the Grand Duchess Slemsvamp. It only took her what....5-6 years, and then a jaunt back in time? Typical beardless female humans for you. At least she's grown accustomed to the dank mold and numerous blood stains. She even complimented the Grand Duchess on the fine corpse smell that comes up from the catacombs beneath the Grand Ducal residence.
Its good to see Dunem come back to her senses.
Post by: MrGimp on October 04, 2009, 07:09:01 pm
"Meat rations been raised to 4 grams per week!" smiled Curly, as he gnawed on a tiny morsel of rat fat.
Fil looked at Winston. The ration had been 6 grams the month before, and 8 grams before that. Fil, with droll sarcasm, turned back to Curly and said, "Yeah...double plus good."
Winston stuck his fork into the portion of his meal that somewhat resembled meat. It wasn't REAL meat of course...just sun-baked lard from the fat pile. It always tasted like vomit to Winston.
Just then, the newly titled Baron von Montague interrupted their meal. "I am a servant of the Lord Duke and Soviet Supreme, His Highness Travolta Sabretwilights! Are you the dwarf Fil?" he asked with an authoritative voice.
A rush of adrenaline flowed through Fil's system. This was it. He was going to be sent to pull a lever. "Ummm....yes." he said at last.
"You are hereby confiscated as property of the ancient and powerful Stonecutter's Guild. Come with me," Montague ordered.
Fil's chest lightened. This was great news! "Oh thank you, my lord!" This meant more labor...but it also meant higher rations. Fil looked at his two miserable friends, who were withering away from their poverty. "Can my friends come, too?"
"Can you stack stones?" asked Baron von Montague. Winston and Curly nodded. "Good enough. Let's go."
With that, the three dwarves began new lives...
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 04, 2009, 08:27:36 pm
This is a +pile of stones+. Engraved on it is a pictue of a stone by the dwarf Winston Smith. The stones are standing.
Post by: MrGimp on October 04, 2009, 10:21:43 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Blockedlance-15-region1-234-7660.jpg)
The eternal fire thing probably wont work...but I'm going to eventually flood the fields with lava either way (if you hadn't guessed that one already) so we'll be getting rid of all this surface junk no matter what.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 04, 2009, 11:08:46 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Eagle on October 04, 2009, 11:12:05 pm
I hope you have a method ofSpoiler (click to show/hide)
Yes. Its called
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on October 05, 2009, 12:18:57 am
"I cant take it sometimes, you know man?" said Eberdek as he twitched neurotically. "I'm gonna snap one of these days and kill that bitch!"
"SHHHHH!!!" shouted Kurk as he strummed his harp louder and angrier. "I don't want to get involved in any more of this rebel business! She's just going to kill everybody!!! Just leave her alone! It's not worth the trouble!" He began twitching himself now. He wasn't twitching from any sugar though, for him it really was the blow.
Eberdek shook his head. "I cant live like this! Theres just something inside me that doesn't care if I die, it just wants revenge!"
Kurk grew angrier. "Look, I don't want no rebel talk! Go take that shit to Mogror if you're so brave!" Kurk meant that last part sarcastically, but Eberdek didn't notice.
"Yeah...he'll know what to do..." he mumbled as he walked out of the room.
Post by: Aldaris on October 05, 2009, 11:07:24 am
I wonder what a Dorfen Newspeak would be like? Very few words for good happy things, and surprisingly many for the various ways of dying...
And their government would HAVE to involve a Ministry of Blood, governing war, magma, and death. (So something in between Minipax and Minitru.)
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on October 05, 2009, 11:47:37 am
Eberdek sat in the empty dining room in the barracks of the (currently non-existant) royal guards. Kurk the grunge harpist was playing some psychedelic acid harp while he tripped hard on a mountain of quarcaine. Eberdek was shaking, but not from the blow...it was from all the sugar roasts from the Queens feasting.Ahahahahahahahahah.
"I cant take it sometimes, you know man?" said Eberdek as he twitched neurotically. "I'm gonna snap one of these days and kill that bitch!"
"SHHHHH!!!" shouted Kurk as he strummed his harp louder and angrier. "I don't want to get involved in any more of this rebel business! She's just going to kill everybody!!! Just leave her alone! It's not worth the trouble!" He began twitching himself now. He wasn't twitching from any sugar though, for him it really was the blow.
Eberdek shook his head. "I cant live like this! Theres just something inside me that doesn't care if I die, it just wants revenge!"
Kurk grew angrier. "Look, I don't want no rebel talk! Go take that shit to Mogror if you're so brave!" Kurk meant that last part sarcastically, but Eberdek didn't notice.
"Yeah...he'll know what to do..." he mumbled as he walked out of the room.
Ahahaaha.
Ahah.
Aha.
This will be fun.
Post by: Plank of Wood on October 05, 2009, 12:32:22 pm
Post by: Aldaris on October 05, 2009, 12:55:23 pm
Let the Nineteen Eighty Four referances BEGIN!Victory lies in the Proles!
Post by: Plank of Wood on October 05, 2009, 01:03:45 pm
"He had finally won the Victory for himself. He loved Queen Urist."Let the Nineteen Eighty Four referances BEGIN!Victory lies in the Proles!
Post by: Moose Fisher on October 05, 2009, 04:49:58 pm
I've finished reading the epic saga of Blockedlance, and now I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter.
It's time for the Duchess to be stuck with 'inspiration' and name herself 'Moose' and talk in the third person! ;D
Sorry...the Duchess is taken. You can be one of her daughters if you want, though! :)
Moose would be pleased. When Moose creates an artifact, Moose will be known as The Artist Formally Known as Moose. ;D
Until then, more quarcain and parties!
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 05, 2009, 05:22:31 pm
By everything, I mean everything unimportant.
Look at these little guys!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Moose Fisher on October 05, 2009, 06:50:42 pm
I think some sort of organised Patapon creature should wreak havoc on everything.
By everything, I mean everything unimportant.
Look at these little guys!Spoiler (click to show/hide)
That game is the only reason I want a PSP.
Has someone made a mod with the little guys?
Post by: MrGimp on October 06, 2009, 08:19:35 pm
"So you want to kill the Queen, eh?" smiled the grizzly old dwarf.
"Yes," was the cold reply. Eberdek was completely committed.
"Tell me," Mogror chuckled, "what made you come to me?"
"The Court Musician Kurk told me I should go to you if I wanted to join in resisting the Queen."
"Did he?" asked Mogror pleasantly surprised.
"Yes...now please mad dwarf....how can we get this bitch?"
"Well...I bet you could easily poison her, what with you being near the food and all. I've got this powerful mixture of snakeman and giant cave spider venoms," said Mogror as he pulled a vial from his bookshelf.
"How did you get that?"
"Oh the traders bring barrels of the stuff from time to time. I had suggested to Her Majesty that she should stockpile some of the gruesome stuff just in case we ever needed it. Then I pilfered the stockpiles for my experiments." Mogror's gaze drifted off, and he became lost in the memories of all his mad scientist misadventures. After a minute he came back to his senses. "Here...take this, and pour it on the next sugar roast you see. Make sure none of the guards see you."
"Thank you, mad one!" smiled Eberdek. "At last justice will be served!"
"Yes...now make haste! Dont delay in your wondrous mission!"
Post by: Eagle on October 06, 2009, 08:34:28 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 07, 2009, 12:11:01 am
Post by: Soviet Travolta on October 07, 2009, 03:55:26 am
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on October 07, 2009, 09:06:31 am
I cannot really imagine you would actually kill Queen Urist, Mr Gimp. But now i'm wondering what kind of mad superpowers you will make available to her when the venomous mixture mixes with her DNA. Mogror lived a thousand years making insane experiments, he for sure has some hidden agenda, using Eberdek in the process. I'm impatient, i'm eager! But yet i have to wait! I feel Blockedlanced !!!I'm too evil for my socks
Too evil for my socks
I'm so evil, it hurts.
Post by: Aldaris on October 07, 2009, 10:28:47 am
Post by: Jim Groovester on October 07, 2009, 01:48:22 pm
I wonder who Grigrak's next incarnation will be.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 07, 2009, 04:10:43 pm
Eberdek is so screwed.Simple.
I wonder who Grigrak's next incarnation will be.
The Microline Menace.
Post by: Vicomt on October 09, 2009, 06:56:49 am
EPIC.
that is all.
Post by: Jervous on October 09, 2009, 08:32:15 am
Post by: MrGimp on October 09, 2009, 10:23:00 am
"Why do they call these things hourglasses? I mean...only the REALLY big ones take an hour to trickle down. This one here is more like a twenty minute glass!" remarked Eberdek.
The guards said nothing.
"I suppose hourglass sounds better than twenty minute glass?" he quipped at the silent guards.
It was then that the Queen entered. Eberdek was actually happy to see her for once.
"Your majesty!" said Eberdek with a smile as he stood and bowed. The Queen did not smile back. She simply sat at the head of the table and stared at him.
At last the Queen spoke. "Enjoying your sugar roast?"
"Oh yes, your majesty!" beamed Eberdek. "I love these things so much!"
"Good...you know...I had a big lunch. Why don't you eat the rest of that roast?"
"Huh?"
"Eat the rest of that roast."
"Oh, your majesty, I could never impose on you like that!"
"Eat the roast, Eberdek."
Eberdek's heart began beating wildly. He picked up the roast and nibbled a couple more bites off of the safe side. Then he put it down. "I really am full your majesty."
"Guards," she said, snapping her fingers. Immediately four spears were in Eberdek's face. "Now Eberdek....you're going to eat that entire roast or slowly be tortured to death in the tower for the rest of your days."
At this moment Mogror Harbett came in with a big smile on his face. He sat next to the Queen. The two Armok worshippers sat staring at Eberdek, who had no choice but to eat the poisoned roast.
"I forgot to tell you, my dear boy!" laughed Mogror. "That venom mixture I gave you doesn't actually kill you right away. You're actually simply going to bloat and swell up to three times your size, you will be struck by an incredible fever, your eyeballs, ear drums, and genitals will swell and burst, and you will be paralyzed by the toxins. How does that sound?"
Eberdek could feel the poison already. He was dizzy. He had to be force fed the last bit of sugar roast.
"Hmmph!" snorted the Queen. "Take this filthy traitor to rot in the tower!"
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 09, 2009, 12:26:11 pm
I will see him in HELL!
Post by: MrGimp on October 09, 2009, 04:55:16 pm
It bothers me though, that these remaining nobles over at Letterclose still think they have a say in things...like this is some kind of democracy. Pfff.
Democracy is for losers.
Post by: Jim Groovester on October 09, 2009, 06:07:30 pm
Though, typical fare for Blockedlance citizens.
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 10, 2009, 02:11:46 am
also I want in as a smarter then average rebel named akhier
Post by: Aldaris on October 10, 2009, 06:59:25 am
Ingsoc is for losers, Democracy is for losers, Monarchy is for losers! Dorfsock for life!
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 10, 2009, 11:33:45 am
Big Urist?
Post by: Akigagak on October 10, 2009, 11:51:21 am
How is my axedwarf doing? Haven't seen him lately.
Post by: Aldaris on October 10, 2009, 02:11:13 pm
Post by: Moose Fisher on October 10, 2009, 04:16:39 pm
Also, Mr. Gimp, which of the Duchess daughters did I get?
Post by: Plank of Wood on October 10, 2009, 04:40:59 pm
Coincedance? I THINK NOT!
Post by: Aldaris on October 11, 2009, 04:21:28 am
Big Brother is three syllables, as does Queen Urist.You forget that big brother doesn't actually exist, he's just an imaginative face the inner party uses.
Coincedance? I THINK NOT!
Post by: Plank of Wood on October 11, 2009, 05:53:37 am
You never actually do find out whether he is real or not.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 11, 2009, 10:47:35 am
4th of "Who gives a flying carp"
I heard that we'll be getting someone new in the hells. That's good. I hope they arrive in ours. Having sex as a form of unboredom is becoming tiresom if you will believe me.
My beard itches. I wonder if Christes also has the beard itch.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on October 11, 2009, 01:13:04 pm
Only to other people, obviously.
Post by: Realmfighter on October 12, 2009, 01:14:56 am
Have you tried lowering the GFPS? i got 15FPS and when i changed it to 10 i got 60
Post by: MrGimp on October 12, 2009, 11:43:58 am
Bah! he's lucky cause he just gets reborn. In a good hell they can get 3 times the pain at half the cost.
also I want in as a smarter then average rebel named akhier
Sure. The rebels have been smashed though...but if theres ever an opportunity for anarchy and lawlessness, or just good wholesome chaos, your dwarf will be in on it.
Post by: MrGimp on October 12, 2009, 11:45:13 am
Big Bomrek, surely.
How is my axedwarf doing? Haven't seen him lately.
He's doing good. He slaughters goblin and elf squads all by himself, and with one hand holding a beer. He has like, a hundred notable kills.
Post by: MrGimp on October 12, 2009, 11:48:43 am
If mr Gimp gives the go ahead, I'm ready to give sugestions on how to implement the dorfsock government, what with me reading the book right now.
You can always give suggestions. Although...the list of elements to add is getting pretty long. I still have to dig a spiked 'racetrack' in the arena, and another death pit to fulfill a request I agreed to many pages ago. Plus theres the Microcline Menace. So suggestions that dont require me to build or edit anything are preferable. :)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 12, 2009, 11:50:41 am
"Hey baby. Wanna see something cool? Here, give me a beer."Big Bomrek, surely.
How is my axedwarf doing? Haven't seen him lately.
He's doing good. He slaughters goblin and elf squads all by himself, and with one hand holding a beer. He has like, a hundred notable kills.
SOUNDS OF SLAUGHTER GO HEER
"And without a scratch. Impressive, right?"
"Swoon, fantasize"
By the way, any major relationships?
Post by: MrGimp on October 12, 2009, 11:51:40 am
I can't tell who's worse, Mogror or Queen Urist.
Also, Mr. Gimp, which of the Duchess daughters did I get?
I gave you the eldest one. You had been elected mayor, now your brother Soviet Travolta is mayor. See, with elections, the peasants will think they are free. They are too stupid to notice that all the administrators belong to the same family.
Post by: MrGimp on October 12, 2009, 11:56:11 am
Mr. Gimp, i have heard about your FPS problem.+
Have you tried lowering the GFPS? i got 15FPS and when i changed it to 10 i got 60
Epic. EPIC!!!!!!! Haha...I lowered it to 10 and got an FPS of 17-24. Doesnt sound like much but its four times faster than its been running lately (6 FPS). I lowered the GFPS to 1 and I get 40 FPS. But GFPS 1 causes everything to act real choppy. Like if you hit the arrow to move left, nothing happens for a second. Then it jerks you over. So its a little weird. I might just settle with 5-10 GFPS.
Either way....you fucking ROCK man!!! I never knew what the GFPS did. haha....it has more effect on FPS than temperature or caveins or whatever.
Post by: MrGimp on October 12, 2009, 12:03:24 pm
"Hey baby. Wanna see something cool? Here, give me a beer."Big Bomrek, surely.
How is my axedwarf doing? Haven't seen him lately.
He's doing good. He slaughters goblin and elf squads all by himself, and with one hand holding a beer. He has like, a hundred notable kills.
SOUNDS OF SLAUGHTER GO HEER
"And without a scratch. Impressive, right?"
"Swoon, fantasize"
By the way, any major relationships?
Well I've been *trying* to get these dwarves to bang for years now. In fact, back when the rebels were occupying the fortress, and the loyalists were hiding out under the temple, I had set the couples I wanted to share bedrooms. So the high priest and priestess share one, Montague and one of the Duchess' daughters had one, etc etc etc.
But after YEARS of living in the same room, these dwarves still dont even know each other. Or they have a passing acquaintance.
Im gonna end up having to go the route I went with Urist, and just lock em all in a 1X2 room with their lover until they figure out what goes where.
Post by: Akigagak on October 12, 2009, 12:07:44 pm
Post by: Moose Fisher on October 12, 2009, 03:25:24 pm
Then again, it would be nice to find a special someone to share in the experience.
Dwarf relationships are hard, Toady needs to tweak things so it happens more often and less likely within the same immigration wave.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 12, 2009, 03:34:31 pm
Moose has no need for love, not when she's seen quarcain induced horizons!And at half-cat speed
Then again, it would be nice to find a special someone to share in the experience.
Dwarf relationships are hard, Toady needs to tweak things so it happens more often and less likely within the same immigration wave.
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 12, 2009, 06:17:33 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 12, 2009, 06:51:13 pm
I take it that means I have no girlfriend?
The Warlord Akigagak Citylancers, the Romantic Flayer does not need a whiny tiresome girlfriend...his only love is fighting and slaughter!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Anyways...
Heres a movie of you killing a squad of gobbos by your lonesome. Your full kill count is shown.
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1730-singlehandedslaughter (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1730-singlehandedslaughter)
Post by: Huesoo on October 12, 2009, 07:57:55 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 13, 2009, 01:18:39 am
Speaking of which...
So Eberdek gets sent to the tower where he swells like a balloon and lies in a puddle of his own sweat all day....then Akigagak fights off a goblin horde.
Then it was spring 235 (again), and a couple migrants come. Its a tax collector and a hammerer....both pagan slime. The Queen personally showed them to their apartments...and then locked the doors behind them.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/starve235.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on October 13, 2009, 01:20:55 am
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 13, 2009, 03:47:51 am
Post by: Samus1111111 on October 13, 2009, 03:37:24 pm
Epic. EPIC!!!!!!! Haha...I lowered it to 10 and got an FPS of 17-24. Doesnt sound like much but its four times faster than its been running lately (6 FPS). I lowered the GFPS to 1 and I get 40 FPS. But GFPS 1 causes everything to act real choppy. Like if you hit the arrow to move left, nothing happens for a second. Then it jerks you over. So its a little weird. I might just settle with 5-10 GFPS.
Either way....you fucking ROCK man!!! I never knew what the GFPS did. haha....it has more effect on FPS than temperature or caveins or whatever.
dude, I so have to do this....
my main fortress is around 13 years old and has around 160 dwarves (plus an extra 200 animals.... trying to kill them.....) and I'm trying to finish my colosium and mayan pyramid, but I'm running at ~2 fps on a good day (usually 1) and it takes me at least a week to finish 1 game year (that's letting it run for a good 6-7 hours a day 6 days a week and 12 on Saturday).
Post by: MrGimp on October 13, 2009, 03:48:50 pm
The only problem I ever have with it is that fast things tend to "teleport" around the screen from moving so fast. darn it I want smooth ascii animation and goods fps! why can I not have my cake and eat it to?
My computer is so crappy I dont get the teleport effect until 3 GFPS. Even then, all it does is skip dwarves one square every now and again. Plus the response to my button pushes is a little slower.
But the game is getting 20-30 consistently, with spikes up to 40 or thereabouts every now and again. So its worth it. Plus, if I want to leave it and go take a shower or go for a walk, I can leave it on 1 GFPS and just let the dwarves have at it.
Post by: MrGimp on October 13, 2009, 04:15:44 pm
"Ahh! Dunem! I had heard you were still alive, but it is much more believable when you stand before me!"
"Thank you, your majesty," said Dunem.
"Well...I know you must be exhausted from your trip...but you must satisfy my curiosity! What are the dwarves like?" asked Byakugan eagerly.
"They are an amazing race, my lord. Perhaps a little strange by our standards...but one must realize what they are up against."
"And what, praytell, is that?"
"Well sire....you will not believe me....but I swear I saw it with my own eyes! A demon of fire came down the hallway at us while the caravan and I clamored to get down the stairwell. That demon came rampaging through the fortress, burning everything and everyone in its path. It killed many of our men. I and a scant few others managed to make our way deep into the dwarven mine. Only dozens of feet of good solid stone could protect a person from those beasts! I saw but one, after the battle, I was told that four others had made their way outside the fortress, and killed several dwarves before themselves being brought down..."
"Incredible..." mumbled the Prince.
"Yes...I know it is hard to believe. Sire...I believe the dwarves of Blockedlance have sumbled upon an old demon prison."
"Demon prison?! Nonsense!" interrupted the Grand Vizier, who had been listening silently with a smirk on his face. "This is starting to sound like some elf legend!"
"Silence!" commanded Pricne Byakugan. "She will be heard!" The prince looked back at Dunem and nodded.
"It was with elven magic that the demons of the great dark age were imprisoned. The last of them was seen a couple centuries ago. When the dwarves settled at Blockedlance nearly four decades ago, they unwittingly mined out one of these prisons and unleashed a horde of wrathful spirits! Though their love for shiny blue metal brought about their plight, it was with their dwarven fortitude that they slaughtered those demons!"
"They slaughter demons?" asked the prince, astonished.
"Yes, sire! I saw their men bring down the fire demon with my own eyes! These dwarves are the thumb in the crack of a demonic levy. If these dwarves should ever fall, it would only be a matter of time before a demonic host marches north to enslave and slaughter us!"
"My dear Dunem, thank you for this news! You have proven what I suspected...we must continue to support these dwarves as best we can. They are our greatest of friends!"
"Friends?" asked the Grand Vizier. "Dwarves are not friends...not when they have the power to unleash demons! I say we conquer Blockedlance ourselves, we should not leave the defense of our homeland to some other race!"
"I'm sorry, my dear adviser. I know you seek the best for our nation, but I believe you are a bit paranoid. Of all the races, humans and dwarves are most alike. I know that you see them as too violent and savage...but there are those who see us Humans as quite savage as well." The Prince eyed the elven diplomat who was attending court. "I say...sometimes you need a savage to do the hard work. Better them than us! Three cheers for the great and noble dwarves of Blockedlance!"
"Huzzah!" shouted the courtiers.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 13, 2009, 04:24:44 pm
I HAVE CHORTLES!
Post by: Realmfighter on October 13, 2009, 04:31:21 pm
The only problem I ever have with it is that fast things tend to "teleport" around the screen from moving so fast. darn it I want smooth ascii animation and goods fps! why can I not have my cake and eat it to?
My computer is so crappy I dont get the teleport effect until 3 GFPS. Even then, all it does is skip dwarves one square every now and again. Plus the response to my button pushes is a little slower.
But the game is getting 20-30 consistently, with spikes up to 40 or thereabouts every now and again. So its worth it. Plus, if I want to leave it and go take a shower or go for a walk, I can leave it on 1 GFPS and just let the dwarves have at it.
*High fives*
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 13, 2009, 07:40:57 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 13, 2009, 11:49:05 pm
It does amazing things with speeding up older forts but I have more then once accidentally left the gfps low for the start of a fort and I cap my fps at 1000 so the teleporting is more, shall we say prominent.
True. On a new fort this would be overkill. I have only vague memories left of what it is like to start a new fort. I had forgotten DF was fast at all. I'm used to just basically looking at a motionless picture. :D
Post by: Christes on October 13, 2009, 11:55:17 pm
It's just so gradual.
Post by: Moose Fisher on October 14, 2009, 12:01:41 am
One of my biggest peeves is coming to an abandoned fort and seeing everything scattered about, the load time between steps is very noticeable on my rig*, thanks to all those scattered items.
*Core2 Quad Q6600
Post by: MrGimp on October 14, 2009, 12:11:13 am
Is there any computer that has enough beard for this game?
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 14, 2009, 12:58:13 am
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 14, 2009, 02:09:48 am
Is there any computer that has enough beard for this game?There has been some theoretical work on cloning Chuck Norris's beard and transplanting it on a computer but in all reality you would probably also need Mr. T's and possibly Riker's beard as well.
Post by: mythmonster2 on October 14, 2009, 05:19:48 pm
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 14, 2009, 07:35:40 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 14, 2009, 08:29:50 pm
Windows 97- Chuck Edition
Because everyone knows 97 was the best operating system
Post by: MrGimp on October 14, 2009, 09:47:47 pm
Can I request an archer named Fawful? And can he be an egomaniac who is fanatical about the queen?
I can grant this wish...but your current character will be obliterated. And then Christes will be alone for 10,000 years in an empty white void.
Up to you.
Post by: Akigagak on October 14, 2009, 09:57:09 pm
Post by: Argonnek on October 14, 2009, 09:58:47 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 14, 2009, 10:01:36 pm
But it'll be decades before these two dwarves actually get involved. Theyre still just 'friends' in game terms.
Other dwarves might have kids sooner than the Queen...but at the moment they all seem too emotionally traumatized to bring new living beings into their sick sad world.
Post by: MrGimp on October 14, 2009, 10:15:33 pm
Stupid people with their asinine requests. Heres my typical potential customer (who never becomes a paying customer)...
"Yeah I want a web page thats like myspace."
"Uhhhh....okaaaay...I'm gonna need a few million dollars to hire a team of developers, and a couple of years to get her done. But I can do it for ya."
"My budget is $100."
"Oh."
"And I need it by Friday."
"But today is Thursday!"
"Also...I want to get real high on the search rankings. I need to be the number one social network on google!"
"Well you're only gonna need a couple billion dollars in advertising to do that."
"I can't pay you right now, but that's ok, because I'm going to tell everyone you did my site, and you will get so much business! You'll be rich! All because you worked for free!"
"You're a gigantic douchebag."
"Hey I gotta run, I'll be back later to check out the rough drafts you've got for the site. I want at least three different layouts so that I can choose what I like...but I'm not gonna tell you what I like right now, because I don't really know what I want."
"The door's right over there..."
"Oh and I have other developers working on this too...so if they come up with something I like I'm going to go with them, okay?"
"GET OUT OF HERE!"
</complain>
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 14, 2009, 10:54:37 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 15, 2009, 12:09:38 am
But only if Christes is fine with it
Post by: Christes on October 15, 2009, 12:28:17 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 15, 2009, 01:28:42 am
DO THE REINCARNATION
WE WILL RETURN AS FAWFUL AND CACKLETTA.
FOR GREAT MISGUIDED JUSTICE!
Post by: MrGimp on October 15, 2009, 02:28:21 am
How could you not want to stay in the infinite void? Its quiet and peaceful. Theres no noisy neighbors. Theres no clutter. The FPS is really high. Plus you get to bang the mutilated remains of your girlfriend for 10,000 years before the Gods press delete on your file. 10,000 years is more than anyone else gets. You're not really even in a hell...its more like a heaven. The Heaven of Masochistic Bloody Beard Bondage Void Sex. And yet you would ask for MORE?
Really...how can you be so selfish Tradan?
Post by: Soviet Travolta on October 15, 2009, 03:25:25 am
Really...how can you be so selfish Tradan?
He's a bit like your customers ;)
I dont seem to remember any news about Eagle the Hermit for quite some time. He is one of my favourite Blockedlance characters. How is he doing alone for real, these days?
Post by: Christes on October 15, 2009, 11:18:46 am
How could you not want to stay in the infinite void? Its quiet and peaceful. Theres no noisy neighbors. Theres no clutter. The FPS is really high. Plus you get to bang the mutilated remains of your girlfriend for 10,000 years before the Gods press delete on your file. 10,000 years is more than anyone else gets. You're not really even in a hell...its more like a heaven. The Heaven of Masochistic Bloody Beard Bondage Void Sex. And yet you would ask for MORE?
If you've got something cool planed, I vote stay.
Post by: MrGimp on October 15, 2009, 12:54:35 pm
Really...how can you be so selfish Tradan?
He's a bit like your customers ;)
I dont seem to remember any news about Eagle the Hermit for quite some time. He is one of my favourite Blockedlance characters. How is he doing alone for real, these days?
I had finally gotten him going...then I had to revert the save 3 years back in time. So Eagles place wasnt/isnt fully carved out anymore. I had to carve out the big tower cap farm again, water it again, carve an atom smasher again, and smash all the useless rocks again. He still has to go back down into town to get an anvil and an axe again...I might make a story scene out of it...
Post by: MrGimp on October 15, 2009, 12:58:41 pm
How could you not want to stay in the infinite void? Its quiet and peaceful. Theres no noisy neighbors. Theres no clutter. The FPS is really high. Plus you get to bang the mutilated remains of your girlfriend for 10,000 years before the Gods press delete on your file. 10,000 years is more than anyone else gets. You're not really even in a hell...its more like a heaven. The Heaven of Masochistic Bloody Beard Bondage Void Sex. And yet you would ask for MORE?
If you've got something cool planed, I vote stay.
I'll reincarnate you guys...but some things have to happen first.......
Post by: MrGimp on October 15, 2009, 01:10:06 pm
"...9,972,886 bottles of beer on the wall, 9,972,886 bottles of beer! You take one down, and pass it around, 9,972,885 bottles of beer on the wall..." sang Tradan. Christes had stopped singing somewhere around 15 million bottles. She felt she had given it a good effort, after all, they had started at 99 million bottles of beer. Tradan, however, was intent on finishing what he started.
Suddenly, Armok appeared out of nowhere. He was carrying a giant double bladed axe. Christes admired the fine blade as it came down and cleaved their beards. They screamed in terror and tried to hold on to each other, but it was no use. Armok took the flat side of the axe, and swung it right at Tradan, sending him flying across the void. Then he swung the axe at Christes, sending her in the opposite direction.
Pleased with himself for taking away the two dwarves last bit of comfort, Armok whistled as he went on his merry way.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 15, 2009, 04:12:40 pm
Christes and Tradan floated through the emptiness, held together by the dried crusted blood that seeped throughout their matted beards. They had been here quite some time...and yet, it wasn't even a drop in the bucket of 10,000 years. They had taken to singing songs to pass the time.Yay for events. Reincarnation suddenly sounds unfun.
"...9,972,886 bottles of beer on the wall, 9,972,886 bottles of beer! You take one down, and pass it around, 9,972,885 bottles of beer on the wall..." sang Tradan. Christes had stopped singing somewhere around 15 million bottles. She felt she had given it a good effort, after all, they had started at 99 million bottles of beer. Tradan, however, was intent on finishing what he started.
Suddenly, Armok appeared out of nowhere. He was carrying a giant double bladed axe. Christes admired the fine blade as it came down and cleaved their beards. They screamed in terror and tried to hold on to each other, but it was no use. Armok took the flat side of the axe, and swung it right at Tradan, sending him flying across the void. Then he swung the axe at Christes, sending her in the opposite direction.
Pleased with himself for taking away the two dwarves last bit of comfort, Armok whistled as he went on his merry way.
Journal of Tradan
9th of Hell
Armok just seperated Christes and I. Guess he got tired of watching us have bloody sex and gave us more punishment for being dead. All is not bad though. I am down to 99, 854,098 bottles of beer.
Take one down, pass it around...
I'm alone.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on October 16, 2009, 10:30:15 am
My beard was tingling again today. Something incredibly nasty and evil has happened in the universe, and distressingly, I had no hand in it. Not that I'm complaining, Armok, may his beard grow ever longer, has granted me with plenty of fun. I still savour that little engraving of that food-taster's face when he saw me pop out from the throne, as well as Quarcaine's face.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 16, 2009, 04:20:56 pm
20th of Hell
Ha! Armok hasn't rid me of all comfort! I got down to the LAST bottle of beer on the wall! But then I realised I had no more beer on the wall! That means I can't pass some around... no beer to... pass around...
In a foreign field he lay
lonely soldier unknown grave
on his dying words he prays
"Tell the world of Blockedlance..."
[The rest of the page is torn off]
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 16, 2009, 07:14:42 pm
looks like we'll end up all being stuck in a constant recarn loop at this hellhole/mass grave! And I mean those things literally, we have 3 people and counting either already reincarnating or about to, there is a literal hole into hell, and this place is very much a mass grave! Now all it needs is...
well umm...
it also has mega-structures so not that...
Demons check...
now with more lava...
dang it even has fire breathing elves! this is the most perfact place, What else could make it better? umm...
Post by: Argonnek on October 16, 2009, 07:22:45 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 16, 2009, 08:31:47 pm
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 16, 2009, 09:03:39 pm
Post by: Zulaf on October 16, 2009, 09:53:50 pm
Only the strong will survive the drought.
Only the loyal with survive the death.
Only the psychotic will survive this hell hole!
Post by: Jim Groovester on October 16, 2009, 09:56:01 pm
Wait, there's nothing here! The pages are empty from his last entry, from before he was-
Oh, right. He can hardly write in his bloated state. I suppose death will embrace him soon enough, won't it?
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 16, 2009, 10:04:55 pm
The Journal of EberdekArmok wont let him die.
Wait, there's nothing here! The pages are empty from his last entry, from before he was-
Oh, right. He can hardly write in his bloated state. I suppose death will embrace him soon enough, won't it?
Armok will keep Eberdek in a dying state, alive and suffering where other dwarves can ridicule him.
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 16, 2009, 10:29:59 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 18, 2009, 02:17:21 am
Moose - You're the Duchess' eldest daughter
Akhier - I made you an axelord. Now Lord Dullard's squad is entirely named. (The Held Lances...the most decorated squad of Blockedlance, and our unofficial royal guard)
Huesoo has dibs on the next Armok worshipping Hammerer.
If I forgot anyone let me know.
Post by: MrGimp on October 18, 2009, 02:25:31 am
"Oh my! I'm sorry your majesty! I came at a bad time!" he cried.
The two dwarves didn't stop. After a moment, the Queen spoke, "What do you want?"
"Uhhh....Baron von Montague sent me to conduct a meeting with the Soviet Supreme. Official Stonecutter business."
The Queen rolled her eyes. "Well, he's here. Have fun." The Queen entertained herself by rubbing blood on her genitals as the two other dwarves talked.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/curly.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on October 18, 2009, 02:28:44 am
Pyramid construction is going much faster thanks to the Stonecutters. The first course is nearly complete, as is the foundation below it.
In an elaborate ceremony, the Stonecutters have blessed the pyramid by vomiting all over it. It's in an old dwarven ritual.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/pyramid.jpg)
Post by: Plank of Wood on October 18, 2009, 03:50:59 am
Post by: MrGimp on October 18, 2009, 05:56:20 am
Urist is only doing her duty to the state and to the community as a whole by attempting to provide a truly great heir.
Post by: MrGimp on October 18, 2009, 06:16:42 am
She was warmly greeted by the guards as the Humans entered through the outer palisades. They turned to go into the temple, and into the depths below. Looking off to her right, Dunem was amazed to see lava glowing eerily within the moat. She turned to the dwarf guards.
"What happened with your moat? Did you strike magma?" she asked.
The dwarves looked at each other. Would she believe them? Would she even understand? Dunem was a trusted human, one who had been tested at Blockedlance, but she was still an outsider. The dwarves thought it best to lie.
"Yes...it was decided that lava might deter enemies from coming near here."
"Has it worked?" she asked, struck by the odd way in which the dwarves always went about their problems.
"Well...we haven't had any goblins come by this year...so that's one less years worth of iron junk to have rotting in our fields."
"Hmmm..." said Dunem.
The caravan continued on into the fortress. Behind them, piles of scrap iron taller than the palisade walls glistened in the sun.
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 18, 2009, 10:22:20 am
wait no I don't...
Well I got an axe to grind with...
Goblins! That's it!
I have an axe to grind with goblins! its their fault for not coming and letting me kill them!
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 18, 2009, 10:34:10 am
And... solitude.
Goddamn blueballs thanks to Armok...
Post by: Moose Fisher on October 18, 2009, 04:40:32 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 18, 2009, 05:26:49 pm
You're funny, Moose.
Unless "Occasionally" means every damn season.
Post by: MrGimp on October 18, 2009, 05:32:09 pm
I'll take care of that junk some day. All in good time. This fortress has another couple decades of life in her at least. So theres plenty of time.
Post by: Frogwarrior on October 18, 2009, 05:40:20 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 18, 2009, 05:42:10 pm
Urist smiled and tipped her adamantine mug at him. "Congratulations, dear!"
"Ahhh...complete control. This is quite a feeling," he said.
"Yes. Isn't it exhilerating?" asked the Queen with a fiendish grin.
"And addicting!" added Travolta with a laugh.
Post by: MrGimp on October 18, 2009, 05:43:01 pm
Does iron even melt in magma? I know steel doesn't... so you'd still have fps issues, you just wouldn't have as much clutter.
The majority of the stuff out there is silk caps, leather leggings, narrow elf crap, and the like.
But yeah the iron would remain.
Post by: Labs on October 18, 2009, 06:04:50 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 18, 2009, 06:45:40 pm
A rage seethed in him so powerful that the parasitic consciousness of Grigrak was imprinted with the memory of Urist. His hatred of the Dwarven Queen became a part of his very being.
As Eberdek paced back and forth he managed to spot something out of the tiny window of his cell. He hobbled over and peered out of the small crevice in the wall. He saw creatures swooping in down onto the courtyard below. They were demons! Flying demons! Eberdek counted four among their number.
"Oh thank the Gods! Kill me! Kill us all!" he shouted with gleeful anticipation.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/demons.jpg)
Post by: Frogwarrior on October 18, 2009, 06:59:55 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 18, 2009, 08:08:05 pm
Post by: Eagle on October 18, 2009, 08:17:48 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 18, 2009, 08:21:27 pm
Theres probably enough blood and suffering, not to mention tortured souls, in Blockedlance to animate those piles of armor into horrendous killing machines powered by sheer rage. That eat fear. And shit terror.And are pretty damn good arm wrestlers. Better feel happy your elbows arent [SEVERONBREAKS]
Post by: MrGimp on October 18, 2009, 08:22:04 pm
"Come men!" he yelled as he pulled his crossbow off of his shoulder and began running up the sides of the pyramid.
The demons swooped in, flying low to the ground and buzzing the marksdwarfs. Lord Lego and his men fired, but the bolts bounced off the thick demon scales.
The demons flew up high over the fortress and began circling it ominously, screeching out their terrifying battle cries. The peasants all ran inside.
Fil, however was ledged up. He had been building fortifications along the base of the pyramid, and had committed a very dwarven mistake by boxing himself in upon the wall below.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/fil.jpg)
There was nowhere to run. "Why must I be destined to die, Gods?" he shouted at the sky.
Mercifully, the demons didnt attack in force. They seemed more interested in making a show to scare the peasants. Lord Dullard had arrived along the fortress walls by the time the demons dared to attack. Two demons swooped in at first, and Lord Dullard and Randall charged first. It was a battle amongst the windmills, and the dwarven charge was so ferocious as to immediately cripple one and scare of the other. Randall came in and delivered the finishing blow with his axe, sending the demon flying into the palisade wall with such force that his body exploded into it's component pieces. The demons bled black goo, and it poured from the walls.
I got it on video (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1756-demonsattackagain)
The three remaining demons began circling the mountains above Blockedlance. Eagle heard the commotion, and looked out. After seeing demons, he ran back in and double bolted the doors.
A few nameless dwarves under the command of an axe lord named Morul were sent to the top of the mountain to battle the demons.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/demons2.jpg)
They killed two of them. The fourth and final demon made a suicidal charge on Lord Dullard's men and was killed by Typoman.
Post by: Moose Fisher on October 19, 2009, 04:26:48 pm
This must have been a welcome change in pace in our dwarves's lives. All the bloodshed and heavy labor can be quite boring. :D
Post by: Typoman on October 19, 2009, 04:45:21 pm
how are my stats coming along?
Post by: MrGimp on October 20, 2009, 03:11:49 am
yay! :D
how are my stats coming along?
Good. Your dwarf was already badass before he was given the ancient dwarvish name of Typoman. All the axelords in Blockedlance have a minimum of 40-60 notable kills. Everyone is legendary in wrestling, axe lording, armor wearing, and shield using.
Any single dwarf can take on a squad of fire breathing elves and goblins combined. The demons that just attacked Blockedlance had damblock of 30000, size 30000, and attack power of 30000. Plus both fire attacks and a bunch of tag boosts. The ungodly power of these dwarves cuts through them like butter.
Post by: Typoman on October 20, 2009, 03:21:55 am
edit: typos >.>
Post by: Nordic dorf on October 20, 2009, 03:23:40 am
Post by: MrGimp on October 20, 2009, 04:00:55 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring-2.jpg)
236. The fortress is thirty six years old (again). Thirty two of those years are contained within this thread.
However something unusual happened this year. Something that never happens.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/elves.jpg)
When the elves came, our dwarven champions rushed forth, but the foul creatures prostrated themselves on the ground and offered their silky-haired maidens to our men. Knowing that silkiness would distract our fighting men, these elves gained entry to the fortress. The Queen and her bodyguard MadMonkey24 blocked their way into the temple. MadMonkey alone could slaughter the entire caravan. The Queen most likely could as well, although shes not armed or armored.
"What in Armok's name are you doing here elves?" howled the Queen.
"We come to give you things!" cried the caravan master, holding forth a small chest of wooden baubles.
"You come here to die for many decades, now you want to give us things? You are strange creatures elf!"
"Our Goddess, who is now known as Ayelawethy the Devoured Cherry, has ordered us to make amends with you, for you are more powerful than we can ever hope to be! It was our mistake to not look to nature and see that the powerful eat the weak. This is the way it must be for us from now on. Our Goddess came to our retreat with your God Armok. She submitted to him before our eyes, and told us we must do the same for you."
"Oh." There was an odd look on the Queen's face. "Well lucky for you I'm not into the sick shit Armok is."
MadMonkey laughed. "Yeah, relax your buttholes fairy boys!"
Urist tried not to laugh at the tasteless joke, but a chuckle slipped through. "Well what did you bring me slaves?"
"Uhhh...wooden stuff."
"If that's all you brought I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you after all."
"No! We have sun berries! And sunshine!" cried the elf frantically.
"Pfff...you were stupid enough to trade me some sun berry seeds for some stone earrings thirty years ago. I have all the sunberries and sunshine I could ever want!" laughed the Queen. "In fact, I probably have more than you do! I should be sending YOU caravans of the stuff, asshole!"
"Well....but we bring animals in cages! I have a raccoon...dont you want a pet raccoon?" shrieked the elf.
There was a moment of silence. "MadMonkey, do we have any raccoons?" asked Urist.
"None, your majesty," he answered.
"Good. We'll take your raccoon! We need it for modding. Bring more exotic shit next time! And give us all the meat you have....and what the hell I guess I'll take the sunshine too after all....you can never really have enough booze."
"Yes, my Queen!" said the elf with a bow. He scurried off to unload the goods requested.
Urist turned to MadMonkey. "That elf just called me his Queen!"
"Your majesty has that affect on people," replied MadMonkey.
"Yes. I suppose I do...."
Post by: Soviet Travolta on October 20, 2009, 04:32:35 am
All that mattered was that the Duke would reign as Soviet Supreme, and mayor of Blockedlance.
I feel like Saddam Hussein after an election. :D Seems like it's beginning to come along nicely with Queen Urist. She's giving me fiendish grin and all. It's gonna be awful/awesome when she finally get that heir of hers.
Any improvement in the Duke/Queen relationship or Urist still nothing more than passing acquaintance with everybody?
Post by: Jim Groovester on October 20, 2009, 05:17:42 pm
"Oh." There was an odd look on the Queen's face. "Well lucky for you I'm not into the sick shit Armok is."
I guess rubbing herself with blood while copulating doesn't count as sick shit.
I'm marginally glad that my suggestion of ritual intercourse while bathing in blood was finally included. Marginally.
Post by: Zulaf on October 21, 2009, 01:44:08 am
I'm marginally glad that my suggestion of ritual intercourse while bathing in blood was finally included. Marginally.
.....Wait was that meant only for the story?
Guess I gotta go tell the neighbors sorry for the "incident" with the cat.
Post by: Innominate on October 21, 2009, 06:52:05 am
If you could find it in your heart to give me a dwarf, I've got a somewhat unorthodox idea. A hammerdwarf who exclusively wields wooden hammers of base quality named Mario. For best results, should wear red-dyed clothing and have a liking for turtle shell. Italian accent optional.
Post by: Jim Groovester on October 21, 2009, 01:43:09 pm
I'm marginally glad that my suggestion of ritual intercourse while bathing in blood was finally included. Marginally.
.....Wait was that meant only for the story?
Guess I gotta go tell the neighbors sorry for the "incident" with the cat.
You disgust and amuse me.
Post by: Aldaris on October 21, 2009, 02:43:23 pm
You should be used to that by now, pretty much anything even vaguely to do with this story is disgusting and amusing, that's why we keep reading it.I'm marginally glad that my suggestion of ritual intercourse while bathing in blood was finally included. Marginally.
.....Wait was that meant only for the story?
Guess I gotta go tell the neighbors sorry for the "incident" with the cat.
You disgust and amuse me.
Post by: MrGimp on October 21, 2009, 11:03:46 pm
All that mattered was that the Duke would reign as Soviet Supreme, and mayor of Blockedlance.
I feel like Saddam Hussein after an election. :D Seems like it's beginning to come along nicely with Queen Urist. She's giving me fiendish grin and all. It's gonna be awful/awesome when she finally get that heir of hers.
Any improvement in the Duke/Queen relationship or Urist still nothing more than passing acquaintance with everybody?
Her and the Duke are Friends now. But theyve been friends for a year now with no further improvement. I can only hold out hope that soon they will tie the knot.
Post by: MrGimp on October 21, 2009, 11:12:22 pm
It's official people, I'm current. The only thing missing from this fortress is dragons chained to the corners of the temple roof.
If you could find it in your heart to give me a dwarf, I've got a somewhat unorthodox idea. A hammerdwarf who exclusively wields wooden hammers of base quality named Mario. For best results, should wear red-dyed clothing and have a liking for turtle shell. Italian accent optional.
Sorry, Huesoo has dibs on the next Armok worshipping Hammerer.
I can make you a mushroom farmer named Mario though. ;D
Post by: Argonnek on October 21, 2009, 11:38:59 pm
Probably not a good idea, everyone would starve because he would stomp on them all. Or maybe it's the bet idea ever. You decide.It's official people, I'm current. The only thing missing from this fortress is dragons chained to the corners of the temple roof.
If you could find it in your heart to give me a dwarf, I've got a somewhat unorthodox idea. A hammerdwarf who exclusively wields wooden hammers of base quality named Mario. For best results, should wear red-dyed clothing and have a liking for turtle shell. Italian accent optional.
Sorry, Huesoo has dibs on the next Armok worshipping Hammerer.
I can make you a mushroom farmer named Mario though. ;D
Post by: Innominate on October 22, 2009, 03:38:43 am
What about a regular hammerdwarf though, not a Hammerer?
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 22, 2009, 04:55:27 pm
Post by: nonobots on October 22, 2009, 06:49:54 pm
Awesome as in inspiring fear and reverence.
Wicked!
As in evil, mischievous and full of trickery.
Can I be part of this nightmare? What's left for NPCs? I'd like whoever has a chance of some spotlight without being in the military. Nonobots would be the name.
Thanks and keep it coming!
Post by: Eagle on October 22, 2009, 06:53:15 pm
Awesome!
Awesome as in inspiring fear and reverence.
Wicked!
As in evil, mischievous and full of trickery.
Can I be part of this nightmare? What's left for NPCs? I'd like whoever has a chance of some spotlight without being in the military. Nonobots would be the name.
Thanks and keep it coming!
I can see your name dooming you.
"NO!!! NO BOTS!!!!!"
And then the robots ate him.
Post by: MrGimp on October 22, 2009, 07:27:22 pm
Mushroom farmer is also good. It also makes him marginally more likely to survive, as he won't have to build pyramids or brave wildfires to fight goblins.
What about a regular hammerdwarf though, not a Hammerer?
Haha, I just realized you asked for a hammerdwarf not the Hammerer. My bad!
Well we don't have hammerdwarves here...but I can give a hammer to an axe lord if you want. You'll still be legendary in all the defensive stats....but I doubt you would be able to make a dent in these demons for a while. Also...the only free military dwarves left are old rebel dwarves. These dwarves may soon find themselves in the arena.
Up to you.
Post by: Eagle on October 22, 2009, 07:31:50 pm
Yeah, how have i been doing? Have i nicked that anvil yet?
Post by: MrGimp on October 22, 2009, 07:33:36 pm
Can I be part of this nightmare? What's left for NPCs?
Well, theres some legendary craftsdwarves, a legendary clothier, a legendary leatherworker....a strand extractor...some legendary jewelers....and a bunch of legendary mushroom farmers.
Oh, and the Duchess still has three legendary daughters left.
Pretty much everyones legendary except that damn strand extractor. Lazy bastard.
Post by: Innominate on October 22, 2009, 07:49:27 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 22, 2009, 08:06:09 pm
There in the crisp night air, under the countless stars of heaven, he stood before the towering temple. The dark steel columns contrasted sinisterly with the white dolomite of the walls behind them. Beneath this temple lay the vile pit of hell that had long ago unleashed evil upon this world. Eagle shuddered and scurried forward. He did not want to spend any more time in this wretched place than he had to.
He passed the old sacrificial altar. It was a roofed drop that fell into a hole in the arena ceiling. It had only been used once. A tax collector's bed had been placed up there. When he went to sleep, a floor was removed that dropped him to his death. Eagle sighed as he thought about that fond memory. It was one of a very few he had from Blockedlance.
He looked up as he entered the fortress, and saw the sloping sides of the pyramid rising above him. It was already reaching four Heisenberg Uncertainty-Units into the air.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/pyramid-1.jpg)
Eagle passed a sleeping guard as he entered the fortress proper and made his way to the old abandoned barracks to grab an axe from the stockpile. Finding an anvil would be harder. The only place he knew for sure that he would find one was the temple trade depot. Since the temple doors were sealed for the night, he would have to make his way through the fortress halls and then back out. It would mean passing the palace entrance.
"Oh well," he said to himself. "I need me an anvil." With dwarven resolve he slung the axe across his back and headed off down into the belly of the beast...
Post by: Eagle on October 22, 2009, 08:09:02 pm
Awesome. 8)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 22, 2009, 08:13:38 pm
Narrator cancels Narrate: Unconscious
Post by: MrGimp on October 23, 2009, 01:29:01 am
STUPID!!!
For class we have to put stuff in a database online. Easy. I know MySQL (a compuer language) so I can do all that shit. But NOOOOO!!!! We cant use MySQL to do it! That would be too easy! No.....we have to download three different applications, all of which require us to sign over all our contact info to just fucking download. Then I have to go through this insane install processes...
Spam Install or Custom install? Custom
Path Name? Wherever you want...I dont care!
Please enter your user info Great....I gotta give you private info AGAIN?
Register now or later? NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok please wait...
Oops. I froze.
Repeat process until death's sweet embrace takes you
As if that didnt piss me off enough, then the directions start becoming shit like....
Go to menu->tools->option->java
Select Path Name
Enter path folder for connector
Enter User Name
Enter Password
Setup proxy database server
An update is ready for this program
Would you like to drop everything you're doing and update?
AARRRRGHGHGHGKGHGLAKFj;ha ;SGLJA;OGI[ER'!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
And why do we have to do all this? Because morons who dont want to learn MySQL still want to be able to participate in class. We get graded on this so I HAVE to do it. Seriously....Ive been working at this nearly four fucking hours now! AND IM STILL NOT DONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This can all be done with FOUR FUCKING LINES of MySQL code!!!!! This isn't the easy way out people!
FUCK PEOPLE!!!! YOURE IN A COMPUTER PROGRAMMING CLASS!!!! LEARN THE FUCKING COMPUTER LANGUAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MrGimp cancels loving life: Interrupted by hatred for all existence
Post by: MrGimp on October 23, 2009, 01:52:49 am
Suddenly, and without warning Armok appeared before him.
"AARRGGHHHH!!!!" Myth screamed in terror.
"YOU!!!" Armok roared. "You're the kind of person that makes everyone suffer through four hours of bullshit because you can't be bothered to learn, aren't you? AREN'T YOU??!!!!!"
"What?" he cried.
The mighty fist of Armok rained down upon Myth, crushed him and the tree. Myth remained conscious, even though he was now only a pancake. He could feel every inch of his body, and every ounce of pain. "You LIKE being stupid! You revel in it! Don't you?" Armok raised his hands and healed Myth, then punched him back down into the ground again. Again he raised Myth back to full health from his pancake shape. "DON'T YOU??" Again Myth was flattened by the fist of the Blood God.
Hans Gribblegrom, the Locator of Pain came walking up the hillside.
"Hey Armok."
"Hey Hans," sighed Armok.
"Bad day?"
"Yeah...stupid database interface software."
"Oh." Grim Grom sat puzzled for a minute, not knowing what the fuck Armok was talking about. "Well hey, wanna go back to my place and smoke some rat weed? It'll mellow you out."
"Actually yeah...that sounds pretty chill."
Armok headed off with Grim Grom. Myth lay flatenned on the top of the mountain. Waves of black water crashed below him, and zombie giant sea gulls squawked above him in the dim clouded sky. Occasionally they would drop a zombie giant sea gull turd right onto Myth's flattened body/corpse. Myth wondered if he would ever get to experience the joy of death.
Post by: QuakeIV on October 23, 2009, 01:43:53 pm
Post by: peterix on October 23, 2009, 02:38:38 pm
ARRRGRHGHGHGHGKJ!!:JKHlakrjhg a;ghjs.gjklrSeriously, I can relate to that. I had a hardware class where I was to make a small C program that works together with an FPGA chip that I also had to program.
Time spent writing the C and VHDL stuff: ~10 minutes.
Time spent fixing the build system and coaxing the required tools to work: 7 hours.
Time testing it: 1 minute.
I kid you not.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 23, 2009, 06:03:35 pm
Post by: Moose Fisher on October 23, 2009, 09:00:05 pm
Mr.Gimp is really Armok. This means we're not reading a Dwarf Fortress Community Game, we're reading the events of a real world/existence in a form we'd be more comfortable with.
This isn't a game, this is real life! What have we done?!
Post by: Christes on October 23, 2009, 09:04:59 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 23, 2009, 09:31:28 pm
They blindly follow us...they'll even deconstruct a floor tile hanging precariously out over a magma pipe, and they'll do it with a smile. That's the kind of devotion you almost have mercy for. Almost.
Post by: MrGimp on October 24, 2009, 02:11:06 pm
Eagle got off on his level and passed the main dining hall. His swagger took on a drunken sway as he tried to fit in with the revellers. A couple drunken dwarves were entering and exiting the hall, but they didn't notice anything unusual about Eagle. In a fortress of only 58 dwarves there was a good chance he might be recognized as the deserter he was...but these dwarves were too drunk, and Eagle slipped by.
He saw the guards standing guard at the hallway's end. The great dolomite door between them was the entrance to the palace. Eagle would have to make his way closer to them, and then left down the hall. These dwarves were trained to monitor all who even passed near the palace. Eagle took a deep breath and carried on.
He passed without incident, though his heart rate quickened. Once out of sight he hurried faster to the trade depot. It was easy to find an anvil, as there were several stacked high in the corner. It was dwarven habit to accumulate unneeded anvils, and Eagle had his pick of steel or iron. He grabbed a steel one of course, because it's dwarfy steel rather than rusted gobbo-humie iron. With an axe on his back, and an anvil in his hands, he hobbled back down the hallway as fast as he could.
He reached the end and turned right, with the palace entrance now behind him. He scurried forward, and began to think the guards weren't going to say anything.
"You there!" boomed an authoritative voice. Eagle turned to see one of the two guards already walking towards him.
"Me?" Eagles voice nearly cracked.
"What are you doing with that anvil?"
"Uhhh..." Eagle thought fast. "The Queen wanted me to move it upstairs."
"Why?" he barked. "Theres no forges upstairs!"
"I think she mighta been mad at me."
The guard raised an eyebrow. "Making you haul anvils around all night, eh?"
"Yeah," sighed Eagle with a sad grimace on his face. "She said something about making me smelt all the limonite in the fortress using wood."
"Ha! Like a humie!" mused the guard. He looked back at the other guard still standing at the palace door, who was also chuckling at Eagle's plight. The guard turned back around and then asked, "Well, what's with the axe then?"
"Yeah she put that there...she said it would be easier if I had more weight strapped to me."
Both guards burst into sinister laughter. The nearer one pushed Eagle to the ground, dropping the anvil on his left fourth finger and giving Eagle a light gray wound. Eagle cried out in pain, but the guard didn't care. "Get up peasant. No lying down on the job!" The guard kicked Eagle in the gut, then walked off back to his post. Eagle could hear the apish yokel congratulate himself. "You see that? I told that peasant no lyin' on the job!!! haw haw haw!"
Eagle got back up, grabbed his anvil, and headed off back home, vowing never to return to this place again.
Post by: MrGimp on October 24, 2009, 02:24:19 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/demonmeat.jpg)
Apparently, these demons that have been attacking us here at Blockedlance have made the rounds at Letterclose as well. The traders brought tasty demon meat! Mmm mmm!!!!
I also like how they say they are from the outer lands, not the mountain homes. They realize who's boss.
Post by: nonobots on October 24, 2009, 05:56:34 pm
Can I be part of this nightmare? What's left for NPCs?Pretty much everyones legendary except that damn strand extractor. Lazy bastard.
I can take the Lazy Bastard, is there enough work left for him?
Post by: nonobots on October 24, 2009, 06:06:26 pm
That's the kind of field where good teacher are hard to find, most of them are too disconnected with the real software production world.
Being efficiently lazy is the keystone of programming.
Post by: Kobold6 on October 24, 2009, 08:58:24 pm
Oh well.
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 24, 2009, 09:15:54 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 24, 2009, 10:37:58 pm
Aww, I was half hoping eagle would have to disassemble a forge to get his anvil.That's no fun.
Oh well.
No fun at all.
Post by: MrGimp on October 28, 2009, 11:51:33 pm
Can I be part of this nightmare? What's left for NPCs?Pretty much everyones legendary except that damn strand extractor. Lazy bastard.
I can take the Lazy Bastard, is there enough work left for him?
Oh yes. Plenty. Theres plenty of raw adamantine just sitting on the ground. Plus theres the z-levels above the demon pit I've only begun to touch (the vein runs right through our Dwarven Valhalla Cave awesomely enough).
Post by: MrGimp on October 28, 2009, 11:53:51 pm
Your computer classes sure suck.
That's the kind of field where good teacher are hard to find, most of them are too disconnected with the real software production world.
Being efficiently lazy is the keystone of programming.
Oh the teachers good, hes got five doctorates. Its just that half the class is retarded and he caters to them because he doesnt want to hear all the bitching and moaning.
Post by: MrGimp on October 28, 2009, 11:57:36 pm
Programming can be fun to learn as long as you have a good teacher. I'll tell you if I ever find one.
Programming is always fun to learn!
I love it all...right down to the last semicolon. My own web page is about 6-7 thousand lines of code. 95% written by me (I plead the fifth on the other five percent). I'm pretty proud of it.
Post by: MrGimp on October 29, 2009, 12:31:22 am
Chapter #11 - Sunrise on the Microcline
Yay! It's spring of 237 again!!! This is where the save was lost, so from here on out Im no longer making up for lost time! WooooT
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring-3.jpg)
The pyramid is making GREAT progress since I killed slightly fewer dwarves this time around and turned them all into masons. I'm already up to floor 7 on the giant dwarven-made mountain. We actually ran out of dolomite on the seventh floor. It sucks because most of whats left is crummy old diorite. Only the top couple layers have the dolomite sweetness.
Urist has ordered the mining out of more noble bedrooms on the dolomitey temple levels. Also, we're finally extending the moat. That should be all the dolomite we need. Now we just have to come up with a mega project for all this diorite.
We managed to get rid of some diorite by redesigning our front entrance way. It has been drastically altered. The base of the pyramid juts out over the road in the courtyard. The road will need to be removed. And The old barracks is now just way too close to the base of the pyramid. I think it may have to come down.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/blocked.jpg)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on October 29, 2009, 12:36:34 am
I like.
Post by: Akhier the Dragon hearted on October 30, 2009, 11:39:27 pm
[rant]Oh lordy lordy! I love programming to, its just that some teachers can make it so boring and hard. I had a class where I basically knew everything that the class was supposed to teach me halfway through and the only thing that made the class go so long was that the teacher felt you had to "make" 100 new programs for every thing you learned! Of course that would not be so bad but for the fact that its not making really if the book tells you every little step you have to take then gives you how the coding should look never mind that the page of programming could easily be fit into a couple lines with the thing you learn next![/rant]Programming can be fun to learn as long as you have a good teacher. I'll tell you if I ever find one.
Programming is always fun to learn!
I love it all...right down to the last semicolon. My own web page is about 6-7 thousand lines of code. 95% written by me (I plead the fifth on the other five percent). I'm pretty proud of it.
Post by: MrGimp on November 02, 2009, 12:32:25 am
Speaking of re-writing code....stupid Internet Explorer is displaying my page wrong again. Everytime I get it right, they elf it all up! I urge everyone to switch to google chrome or firefox. They're free, way faster, and way better. Plus, they're easier on us coders. I don't know what is up with IE. They're buggy as hell....and always changing how they handle different elements. I always have to write 'IE only' functions to fix this crap. My dwarven efficiency chafes at having to write things twice! CHAFES I SAY!!!
Post by: MrGimp on November 02, 2009, 01:21:37 am
She had not seen anything but whiteness since Tradan had faded into a dot in the distance so small, that it eventually became consumed by the whiteness as well.
She was astonished when she came upon the sight of something in the distance. She was headed straight for it...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/void1.jpg)
Closer and closer she flew...or fell? She was almost being pulled in by the gravity of this single point in the void. She made out several stones, a simple bed, and the figure of a strange being that belonged to a race Christes had never seen before.
When she was very close, her feet landed on an invisible 'floor', and she walked again for the first time in years.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/void2.jpg)
She was happy to see another sentient being, and began shouting immediately. "Oh my god! Another person! Who are you? What is this place?"
There was silence for a moment.
"Can you understand me?" she asked. Again there was silence...except...there was almost a whisper in her mind. As she focused on it, the voice grew louder. She could hear the strange being speaking to her, though his lips did not move, and his body made no real sound. He was shouting in her mind now.
"HELLO???"
"Oh...hey!" she said out loud, startled.
"I haven't seen another being in....in....in I don't know how long," said the voice in her head.
"How long have you been here?" asked Christes.
"I don't know. I have been here so long, that I do not even remember a time when I was not here."
Wow...that's fucked up, thought Christes to herself.
The being's face contorted into a grimace. The voice in her head spat back at her angrily, "Well you get to enjoy it too!"
"Sorry....I'm not used to someone who can read minds."
"Read minds?" asked the voice. "The last two guys that I saw said that same thing about me. I didn't understand what they meant....they were mad. Mad, mad, mad. The whiteness will do that to ya."
"Uhhhh...." Christes tried not to think the words 'mad like you?' and instead kept the conversation going. "What is this place? Who put these stones here? How come we can walk?"
"These stones have always been here! I have always walked!" the telpath's voice shouted.
"But...everything else is empty...did Armok give you this cell?"
"Armok?"
"Big demon guy....horns, gnarled teeth? Fire and brimstone? Any of that ring a bell?"
"I can't say I recall anyone by that name....I only ever remember receiving two visitors. I don't remember their names. They ran off into the whiteness. You can go look for them if you like. Maybe one of them is the Armok you're looking for?"
"Uhhh...no thanks." mumbled Christes. "I just....I mean....well....how many people are trapped in here in the whiteness? I thought it was just me and my boyfriend?"
"Well there could be an infinite number of people here in an infinite void, and you would still have no chance of meeting anyone else ever. The fact that I have met three people now is breathtakingly unlikely. It was literally an infinitesimal chance of me even meeting one!"
The telepath walked to the left. "Please, sit for a while and drink tea with me!"
Christes looked down, and there was a table! There was a fine pewter tea set, and steaming tea already poured. It was as if she was in a dream. Was she hallucinating? Oh well...even if she was, she wasn't about to fight it. At least hallucinations were interesting. Much better than bleak whiteness.
"I'd love some tea," Christes said at last. She sat at the table with the telepath. "You've gotta teach me how to make stuff out of nothing."
"What are you talking about?"
"The table. It wasn't here before."
"What? It's always been here!"
Christes settled in for several months of interesting conversation with her mad telepathic friend...
Post by: Christes on November 02, 2009, 01:52:17 am
And, whoa, nice graphics.
Is that a first for a community fortress?
Post by: Argonnek on November 02, 2009, 03:17:25 am
Post by: MrGimp on November 02, 2009, 02:41:11 pm
For those that have never played the game...
The screenshots above are from a scene in the game where youre smuggling shit for some Jabba the Hut guy, and you get this mysterious alien box. If you open it up you enter some prison cell designed by some ancient race. It was an infinite white void...and the only thing in it was this guy.
Post by: Moose Fisher on November 02, 2009, 05:19:11 pm
So, if someone wants to make 3d scenes, they can make modules in the development kit with the needed set pieces.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 02, 2009, 05:26:52 pm
Ah well. I started another game of Beer-On-The-Wall. But with an ENTIRELY different storyline- this time I MAKE the beer I take from the wall!
Post by: MrGimp on November 02, 2009, 06:53:01 pm
Eberdek's Fate
Okay, so I was trying to put Eberdek in a cage so that I could drown him in either water or lava...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/eberdek.jpg)
But Dwarves are wise these days...they wont fall asleep on a trap.
Damn.
Oh well....off you go to the spike pit Eberdek....the Queen would like to copulate in dwarf blood.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/eberdek1.jpg)
And with the repeated pulling of a lever, steel spikes ripped through Eberdek's already mangled corpse-body over and over again without mercy.
Blood poured into the Queen and Duke's love chamber from under the door.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/eberdek3.jpg)
Grigrak's spirit was no longer attached to the venom-racked body of Eberdek....but searing hatred had been left in it's stead. A hatred so strong that it transcended physical reality. Not a memory, thought, or feeling in the brain, but something much deeper...a carnal lust for revenge on the demonic Urist!
Post by: Innominate on November 02, 2009, 06:54:36 pm
Ooo! Christes is so lucky! All I have are these... clouds (?)Nonsense. It's always been there!
Ah well. I started another game of Beer-On-The-Wall. But with an ENTIRELY different storyline- this time I MAKE the beer I take from the wall!
Post by: MrGimp on November 02, 2009, 06:57:44 pm
The best part about Enerdek's death is that a tax collector had just arrived when Urist killed him. I like that his first impression of life at Blockedlance is someone dying.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/eberdek2.jpg)
I think that's appropriate, don't you?
Post by: Argonnek on November 02, 2009, 07:15:49 pm
Post by: Moose Fisher on November 02, 2009, 11:31:19 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 02, 2009, 11:35:43 pm
Obviously Eberdek is going to possess the Tax Collector.Maybe MrGimp would take another turn with Eberdek and have him meet up with Tradan in the void, then something happens and both of them end back up in Blockedlance.
But that's just my idea.
Post by: Eagle on November 03, 2009, 12:14:16 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 03, 2009, 12:15:35 am
Tradanbattlan, your avatar is oddly fitting for your dwarf.Not anymore!
But yeah, Airman is pretty fitting, I suppose.
Post by: Eagle on November 03, 2009, 12:17:26 am
Tradanbattlan, your avatar is oddly fitting for your dwarf.Not anymore!
But yeah, Airman is pretty fitting, I suppose.
Holy shit that avatar change was fast.
ON TOPIC: Can we get an updated map on the DFMA please? I want to see how the forts changed.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 03, 2009, 12:19:32 am
Yeah, that'd be nice.Tradanbattlan, your avatar is oddly fitting for your dwarf.Not anymore!
But yeah, Airman is pretty fitting, I suppose.
Holy shit that avatar change was fast.
ON TOPIC: Can we get an updated map please? I want to see how the forts changed.
Oh, and I was changing avatar probably as you typed your message. :/
Post by: Eagle on November 03, 2009, 12:33:09 am
Yeah, that'd be nice.Tradanbattlan, your avatar is oddly fitting for your dwarf.Not anymore!
But yeah, Airman is pretty fitting, I suppose.
Holy shit that avatar change was fast.
ON TOPIC: Can we get an updated map please? I want to see how the forts changed.
Oh, and I was changing avatar probably as you typed your message. :/
Probably, though i saw Airman just after i posted, when it took me back to the thread.
Post by: MrGimp on November 03, 2009, 01:30:15 am
ON TOPIC: Can we get an updated map on the DFMA please? I want to see how the forts changed.
Nothing really major has changed actually, other than the entrance. When the pyramid is done I'll probably upload another map.
Post by: MrGimp on November 03, 2009, 01:33:16 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springtemple.jpg)
The temple is mighty stinky these days. I think it's a demon rat....but it might just be rotted food dropped by some lazy dwarf.
That stink cloud spans 4 z-levels!
Post by: MrGimp on November 03, 2009, 01:41:33 am
Oh wow. Amazing. I am so overjoyed. This was a very worthwhile use of our adamantine.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/grate.jpg)
It has an image of the artifact adamantine table that Nightwing carved. In fact, it's on there twice. And theres a picture of a bat too.
Amazing.
Oh...it's definitely worth the 1.3 million the bastard appraised it at. Yep. I have absolutely no desire to throw this fucker in magma. None. None at all.
Post by: Argonnek on November 03, 2009, 01:44:18 am
Post by: MrGimp on November 03, 2009, 02:02:14 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 03, 2009, 05:19:27 pm
Post by: Jim Groovester on November 03, 2009, 06:00:37 pm
...a carnal lust for revenge on the demonic Urist!
This story both amuses and disgusts me.
[/broken record]
Alright, MrGimp, what's in store for Grigrak next? Maybe he should spend a thousand summers hitchhiking through the void before returning to kill Queen Urist? Or maybe he should get right back to it and possess another doomed victim?
Post by: Moose Fisher on November 03, 2009, 08:00:42 pm
But before that, Grigrak should possess Peakring's creator before being dumped into magma. ;D
Post by: HAMMERMILL on November 03, 2009, 10:28:48 pm
So what is Baron von Montague doing these days? Head of the Soviet Supreme is muy excellente, thats how I envisioned the guy. A power-hungry, conniving bureaucrat with an axe. The historial Soviet Supreme ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supreme_Soviet) isn't much different.
As it stands now, with the coup defeated and Queen Urist now clamped down on the of populace with a stanglehold and degree of power greater then ever before. With the duke under her thumb, all malcontents dead, time traveling save-loss quantum implosions and all resistance ritualistically stained on Urist's gentialia, the fortress seems to be once again under the old 1984 style dictatorship where no lesser can possibly displace the Queen.
Still, you'd wonder if the folks in Letterclose would be concerned that their queen is copulating in dwarf blood and is causing their demon invasion problem. That bit of Demon Meat they offered for sale almost seems like warning, like the horse head in your bed to tell you you are out of line.
Post by: HAMMERMILL on November 04, 2009, 12:19:34 am
Perhaps he collects money, credits and SKULLS.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Eagle on November 04, 2009, 12:20:20 am
The queen seems to hold no power over anyplace but Blockedlance, since Letterclose and its leaders might want to bring the nightmare of the Blockedlance to an end, suppose they sent an agent? The Tax Collector might be there to collect more then taxes.
Perhaps he collects money, credits and SKULLS.
What, is he Khorne or something?
Post by: RavingManiac on November 04, 2009, 05:18:05 am
The queen seems to hold no power over anyplace but Blockedlance, since Letterclose and its leaders might want to bring the nightmare of the Blockedlance to an end, suppose they sent an agent? The Tax Collector might be there to collect more then taxes.
Perhaps he collects money, credits and SKULLS.
What, is he Khorne or something?
No. That would be Urist.
Post by: Aldaris on November 04, 2009, 09:57:18 am
Wrong blood god, wrong interpretation.The queen seems to hold no power over anyplace but Blockedlance, since Letterclose and its leaders might want to bring the nightmare of the Blockedlance to an end, suppose they sent an agent? The Tax Collector might be there to collect more then taxes.
Perhaps he collects money, credits and SKULLS.
What, is he Khorne or something?
No. That would be Urist.
Also, before somebody shouts skulls for the skull throne, HARRIERS FOR THE CUP.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on November 04, 2009, 10:53:39 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 04, 2009, 05:22:05 pm
Post by: Aldaris on November 05, 2009, 10:05:20 am
He has that sort of impression on people. You know, that "Be friends with me or die" kind of impression.GoGoGadget40kAnalogy: Like the Tau empire, and also like the Tau, it's actually a relatively warm and sincere one compared to the alternatives.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on November 05, 2009, 10:19:11 am
When a multi-millenarian evil engineer who has a footnote under genocide in the dictionary is relatively warm and sincere, things are wrong.He has that sort of impression on people. You know, that "Be friends with me or die" kind of impression.GoGoGadget40kAnalogy: Like the Tau empire, and also like the Tau, it's actually a relatively warm and sincere one compared to the alternatives.
Post by: Aldaris on November 05, 2009, 02:34:55 pm
Wrong?When a multi-millenarian evil engineer who has a footnote under genocide in the dictionary is relatively warm and sincere, things are wrong.He has that sort of impression on people. You know, that "Be friends with me or die" kind of impression.GoGoGadget40kAnalogy: Like the Tau empire, and also like the Tau, it's actually a relatively warm and sincere one compared to the alternatives.
Spoiler: Predictable meme abuse (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on November 05, 2009, 02:51:39 pm
I'd be smart enough to worship Armok. So I wouldnt ever be sent to pull levers. And after a few years of making soap I would be legendary, and never have to worry about money again! The community would literally support my rat weed habit out of their own coffers!
Dwarven society rocks. Much better than humans.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 05, 2009, 05:17:13 pm
Post by: MrGimp on November 05, 2009, 07:07:04 pm
Post by: Moose Fisher on November 05, 2009, 07:14:46 pm
Post by: MrGimp on November 06, 2009, 05:28:05 am
I've been writing code for this guys real estate software since 10 am. So thats 16 hours, minus a couple hours here and there to smoke herb.
Post by: MrGimp on November 07, 2009, 02:59:54 am
Christes wondered why the telepath stuck to coffee tables and a simple bed....perhaps after thousands of years he had just kinda gotten into a routine? He didnt even seem to notice that he was affecting reality around him. One minute, he would be explaining the nature of the white void, and yet the next, he would claim that the table he just manifested had always been there, it had just previously not been seen.
Christes continued to attempt to learn the ways of the mad telepath. Perhaps she could manifest Tradan back to her? Or manifest a door back to Blockedlance? She focused all her thought on that which she wanted to be, and make it so. Nothing. There was nothing. She could not manifest a thing out of the whiteness. Oh well....she had 10,000 years to practice. In time she would get it right......
Post by: MrGimp on November 07, 2009, 03:05:52 am
Alright, MrGimp, what's in store for Grigrak next? Maybe he should spend a thousand summers hitchhiking through the void before returning to kill Queen Urist? Or maybe he should get right back to it and possess another doomed victim?
I have no idea what will happen to Grigrak....
I like the idea of incarnating him into the Tax Collector....but I already killed this years tax collector. ;D
Post by: MrGimp on November 07, 2009, 03:15:52 am
Howdy. I used to post as Guy Montag untill my computer ate shit, exploded, and I forgot my password.
So what is Baron von Montague doing these days? Head of the Soviet Supreme is muy excellente, thats how I envisioned the guy. A power-hungry, conniving bureaucrat with an axe. The historial Soviet Supreme ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Supreme_Soviet) isn't much different.
As it stands now, with the coup defeated and Queen Urist now clamped down on the of populace with a stanglehold and degree of power greater then ever before. With the duke under her thumb, all malcontents dead, time traveling save-loss quantum implosions and all resistance ritualistically stained on Urist's gentialia, the fortress seems to be once again under the old 1984 style dictatorship where no lesser can possibly displace the Queen.
Still, you'd wonder if the folks in Letterclose would be concerned that their queen is copulating in dwarf blood and is causing their demon invasion problem. That bit of Demon Meat they offered for sale almost seems like warning, like the horse head in your bed to tell you you are out of line.
Doh!
I forgot I promised the head of the stonecutters to you! Aw man....I made the Duke (Soviet Travolta) the Supreme Soviet / Soviet Supreme.
Isnt that like nobles to just come in and swoop shit out of hard working dwarven hands?
Well damnit, Baron von Montague is still a baron, and so what if the Duke gets the TITLE of the Soviet Supreme? Montague is still the REAL leader of the stonecutters.
hmmmm....might add an interesting plot dynamic within the stonecutters...
Also....as for Letterclose, they dont even exist anymore. I abandoned and looked in legends, and my civilization is officially dead. I dont get migrants other than tax collectors and hammerers. Blockedlance is literally the last outpost of my nation. When I abandon....thats it.
Post by: Moose Fisher on November 07, 2009, 03:23:23 am
Surely Armok has better things to do than incarnating dwarves and sending them to the slaughterhouse that is Blockedlance.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on November 07, 2009, 10:29:09 am
Blockedlance is literally the last outpost of my nation. When I abandon....thats it.Then Mogror will have to find another civilization to poison.
Post by: Jim Groovester on November 07, 2009, 05:40:20 pm
Alright, MrGimp, what's in store for Grigrak next? Maybe he should spend a thousand summers hitchhiking through the void before returning to kill Queen Urist? Or maybe he should get right back to it and possess another doomed victim?
I have no idea what will happen to Grigrak....
I like the idea of incarnating him into the Tax Collector....but I already killed this years tax collector. ;D
At some point, I hope Grigrak will be able to be a thorn in the side of Queen Urist, as a minor villain (hero?). Maybe Grigrak gets smart, realizing that he should incarnate himself as a threat to Blockedlance. A slightly more than competent goblin commander? Or maybe he's come to audit Blockedlance's finances as the next Tax Collector?
Or maybe he comes as a false prophet of Armok to lead the flock astray!
Post by: MrGimp on November 07, 2009, 10:04:26 pm
Blockedlance is literally the last outpost of my nation. When I abandon....thats it.Then Mogror will have to find another civilization to poison.
Okay I just checked again, and my civilization is (barely) still alive. Letterclose is abandoned, we have no settlements besides Blockedlance. You cant start as a dwarf from my nation in adventure mode, but you can start an outpost from the ageless matched lashes in dawrf mode.
When I abandoned my fort and let it run worldgen a couple years, Urist and everyone else moved off and settled in some old human ruins. haha But then they went nomad again after that and didnt settle for ten years. So I gave up peering into the future and went back to the game.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 07, 2009, 10:07:21 pm
I wouldn't see Queen-Overlord Urist as one who would want out of Blockedlance
Post by: MrGimp on November 07, 2009, 10:11:10 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring-4.jpg)
The artifact adamantine grate has pushed us over the 10 million dwarfbuck mark. I didnt want to embarass Argonnek, but I guess I should give him credit for making the damn thing. If it hadnt been a named, Armok worshiping dwarf that wasted our adamantine, I would have thrown him in magma.
The drought of dolomite continues to stall the pyramid construction. The miners spend many months digging out an extension to the moat and hauling the dolomite to the pyramid. It takes the rest of 237 and the beginning of 238 to build just one more layer to the pyramid.
A couple demons came at the end of 237 but they were quickly slaughtered. My idea of replacing the goblin and elf non-menaces with demon menaces isnt really turning out the way I hoped. But at least the demons dont leave mountains of junk when they die.
Eagle continued to chop the few tower caps that grew in his cave down and turn them into charcoal to smelt limonite. It would take many years to smelt all the limonite in his cave...but he had all the time in the world.
Urist and the Duke remain just friends, but their social skills are slowly approaching legendary status. I hold out hope that the 85 year old queen and the 30-something Duke will still be able to provide our nation with a much needed heir.
Post by: MrGimp on November 07, 2009, 10:12:25 pm
Good grief.
I wouldn't see Queen-Overlord Urist as one who would want out of Blockedlance
Yeah, ideally, she should have kids, then die of natural causes at Blockedlance. Then the dwarves will wander off leaderless, leaving an adventurer's dream and the possibility in world gen of the heirs of Urist going off and doing something interesting with their lives.
Post by: HAMMERMILL on November 07, 2009, 10:15:25 pm
I know you can make a world gen where all of the dwarves have be long genocided thousands of years ago and still create a dwarf fortress with "dwarf" trade access. Can't make an adventurer, but you can make a fortress.
Still, I suppose that rules out anybody outside of Blockedlance giving a damn what happens there.
Post by: Argonnek on November 07, 2009, 10:58:55 pm
The artifact adamantine grate has pushed us over the 10 million dwarfbuck mark. I didnt want to embarass Argonnek, but I guess I should give him credit for making the damn thing. If it hadnt been a named, Armok worshiping dwarf that wasted our adamantine, I would have thrown him in magma.Don't worry about embarrassing me, I'm halfway through highschool, and I've built up a resistance to it.
Post by: Soviet Travolta on November 08, 2009, 06:49:10 am
Doh!
I forgot I promised the head of the stonecutters to you! Aw man....I made the Duke (Soviet Travolta) the Supreme Soviet / Soviet Supreme.
Isnt that like nobles to just come in and swoop shit out of hard working dwarven hands?
Well damnit, Baron von Montague is still a baron, and so what if the Duke gets the TITLE of the Soviet Supreme? Montague is still the REAL leader of the stonecutters.
hmmmm....might add an interesting plot dynamic within the stonecutters...
I felt embarrassed for a second. Like when you bypass people in a shop queue by mistake. Then i thought i would reassure you that i'm totally ready to be framed/murdered/eaten alive in a vicious struggle for power, just for the sake of good narrative. That's the spirit, i'm sure.
Post by: Aldaris on November 08, 2009, 09:07:41 am
I fully support the implications of this message.
I felt embarrassed for a second. Like when you bypass people in a shop queue by mistake. Then i thought i would reassure you that i'm totally ready to be framed/murdered/eaten alive in a vicious struggle for power, just for the sake of good narrative. That's the spirit, i'm sure.
Also, I can't remember if I asked before, but Isn't my guy still with the masons? What will happen to the two Freemasons left?
Post by: MrGimp on November 09, 2009, 03:26:25 am
I suppose the story explanation would be that the dwarf traders and tax collectors come from scattered, unorganized rural settlements out in the boondocks too minor to mention. Such things are implied to exist (traders bring food, but they don't have farms in the game) so I guess Blockedlance is the only real city left in the civ with just a bunch of rural shitkicking dwarves that live out in the swamps and forests. That or the dwarves come from cities outside of the worldmap.
Yeah they come from the exiled wandering bands I guess. I guess the tax collectors are related to the old Letterclose nobility, and keep coming to Blockedlance to try and land an easy job?
Theres a big terrifying swamp to the west and south of us called the Slim Swamp. I bet many a hardy dwarf live there. Also, to the north and east is the terrifying mountain range that the goblins have named the Ruthless Tower. Eagle isnt the only hermit living in the Ruthless tower I'm sure. West over the slim swamp a ways lies the Plain of Grizzle, and north of that is the Delightful Desert. On the other side of the desert is Letterclose. So the exiles of Letterclose would be fleeing the goblin menace and coming across the desert towards the swamps and mountains of the south. Small scattered enclaves and bands of nomads would probably be the norm in this area.
Post by: RavingManiac on November 09, 2009, 10:15:28 am
Post by: MrGimp on November 09, 2009, 01:11:04 pm
How exactly does a worldgen fortress like Letterclose die during dwarf mode? Last I heard, worldgen does not continue during fortress mode or adventurer mode.
Well worldgen continues, but I guess it just continues in a limited way. There wasnt a goblin siege or anything...Letterclose just seems to have been abandoned.
Heres the deal...
Letterclose was already abandoned when the game was started. Letterclose was refounded after the original settling of Blockedlance in 200. It was still occupied in 204 when Blockedlance was reclaimed. Now its not occupied. There isnt a message saying it was abandoned, but it no longer lets you play an adventurer from that nation, and the reason is because the game cant find a settlement from that civ. Ergo, Letterclose is dead.
When I went to Letterclose in adventure mode, no one was there except for a bunch of elf merchants.
Post by: Kobold6 on November 09, 2009, 02:11:22 pm
Also: death to the elf merchants!
Post by: MrGimp on November 09, 2009, 03:38:51 pm
I fully support the implications of this message.
I felt embarrassed for a second. Like when you bypass people in a shop queue by mistake. Then i thought i would reassure you that i'm totally ready to be framed/murdered/eaten alive in a vicious struggle for power, just for the sake of good narrative. That's the spirit, i'm sure.
Also, I can't remember if I asked before, but Isn't my guy still with the masons? What will happen to the two Freemasons left?
Yeah the two loyal and living former Freemasons are now the highest ranking members of the Stonecutters (besides this pompous Duke!). Theres Baron von Montague, who I was trying to hook up with the Duchess' daughter (who has since been named Moose) and then theres your guy (gal) who is now Baroness Aldaris (the two loyal Freemasons were honored with a title of low nobility).
I may just throw Moose out of Baron von Montague's mansion and Move the Baroness in. Then we could possibly have a line of pure blooded Stonecutting Freemasons (in about seven decades when these dwarves finally decided to bang).
Post by: Frogwarrior on November 09, 2009, 10:30:50 pm
Post by: MrGimp on November 10, 2009, 02:07:38 am
How did you make worldgen run for a few years? Start and subsequently abandon fortresses?
Basically.
But I only ever saw something happen during times I actually played the fortress. So starting and abandoning right away only moved the counter forward a year, without running the world for that time (or so it seems).
Post by: Aldaris on November 10, 2009, 01:57:28 pm
Make her continously spout out reasonable, useful, well thought out and therefore comepletely undorfy mandates.
Post by: addictgamer on November 10, 2009, 02:31:47 pm
I would like a dwarf, a male preferably, and if an engineer or blacksmith or mason or miner is open, I'd take one and in that order. If not, then military. And if not even that, any dwarf that is free. Nickname: Captain Coder.
Did the queen get her heir yet or is that in a future update?
Post by: Innominate on November 10, 2009, 05:46:49 pm
Hmm, non-game-recognised nobility? Sweet.Regular dwarf: [DEMAND] Beer in stomach
Make her continously spout out reasonable, useful, well thought out and therefore comepletely undorfy mandates.
Noble: [DEMAND] Magma in room
Post by: Aldaris on November 11, 2009, 10:22:01 am
I meant mandates like '5 sets of clothing fit for the rulers' (For the rulers, including the queen) '10 stacks of cow bone bolts' (No elf, that's dorfy.) 'Thick bulkheads between the inner temple and the fortress.' (Reasonable back up defenses! D:)Hmm, non-game-recognised nobility? Sweet.Regular dwarf: [DEMAND] Beer in stomach
Make her continously spout out reasonable, useful, well thought out and therefore comepletely undorfy mandates.
Noble: [DEMAND] Magma in room
Post by: MrGimp on November 19, 2009, 03:44:54 am
Very good job so far.
I would like a dwarf, a male preferably, and if an engineer or blacksmith or mason or miner is open, I'd take one and in that order. If not, then military. And if not even that, any dwarf that is free. Nickname: Captain Coder.
Did the queen get her heir yet or is that in a future update?
The two engineers are taken, but I do have a furnace operator guy that helps smelt our gobs of platinum and magnetite ores. Ill make you him if that's cool.
As for Urist's heir...yeah, I hope that happens in a future update :) .... but it might not :-\
The dwarves will do what the dwarves will do.
Post by: MrGimp on November 19, 2009, 04:19:17 am
29th of Granite
Well diary, I have begun keeping a diary again, because I no longer fear someone reading this. I have a security apparatus that rivals that of the ancient emperors! With the flick of a few levers, I could seal myself in my palace, and flood the temple with magma, and the fortress with water. I have slaughtered all those who have opposed me! I have slaughtered the non-believers who attempted to breed!
Ahhhh....the silence these past years has been wonderful! It has been roughly ten years since the horrid cries of a filthy baby were heard here in Blockedlance. All the snot-nosed heathen children and infants were impaled on spikes or drowned. It is simply grand!
I do wish I had a child of my own though....
Oh diary, the Duke is dreamy! But he keeps saying he's not ready for babies and marriage. Well he was ready enough to shag me rotten in a puddle of that food taster's blood wasn't he???
I think it's because Im so old diary! I saw myself in the mirror the other day, and theres GREY HAIRS in my beard!!! I had to spend several hours with that legendary clothier of ours so he could dye my beard back to normal again. We had to mix dimple, emerald, and red root dye, along with some other herbs and roots to get the right shade for my hair. It smelled something awful!
Oh well. Gotta run diary, I'm meeting the Duke in the death pits again. I'm gonna pull his lever and get impaled by his spike.
PS - Fuck Peasants!
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on November 19, 2009, 12:33:52 pm
Poor Urist, worrying about her age. At least she doesn't look as old as Mogror.
Post by: addictgamer on November 19, 2009, 02:25:55 pm
Very good job so far.
I would like a dwarf, a male preferably, and if an engineer or blacksmith or mason or miner is open, I'd take one and in that order. If not, then military. And if not even that, any dwarf that is free. Nickname: Captain Coder.
Did the queen get her heir yet or is that in a future update?
The two engineers are taken, but I do have a furnace operator guy that helps smelt our gobs of platinum and magnetite ores. Ill make you him if that's cool.
As for Urist's heir...yeah, I hope that happens in a future update :) .... but it might not :-\
The dwarves will do what the dwarves will do.
Sure, I'll take him/her.
Post by: HAMMERMILL on November 19, 2009, 11:04:02 pm
Unless Urist hit menopause or the Duke is sterile, I can't imagine a little Antichrist not being conceived back when they were bumping uglies back in that pool of blood back there.
Post by: Argonnek on November 19, 2009, 11:20:54 pm
Post by: HAMMERMILL on November 19, 2009, 11:29:31 pm
Since Urist is, in game, a non-noble and nobles are supposed to arrive with consorts, eg wives, then perhaps its impossible in the game for a noble to marry, since they are generated with a consort they are married to.
With the game mechanics, once married, a dwarf will never re-marry ever again.
Hmm. That explains it. Urist should be dating outside of the royal family, methinks.
Urist's cold streak with trying to make babies with imported nobles and making no success... nobles are considered "married" by the game and since dorfs never re-marry and you must be married to make babies, this all suddenly makes sense.
Post by: MrGimp on November 20, 2009, 12:20:49 am
The age difference may be hindering it though....Urist is 50 years older.
Do dwarves have preferences for someone in their own generation?
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 20, 2009, 01:21:47 am
Post by: Argonnek on November 20, 2009, 01:32:23 am
Post by: HAMMERMILL on November 20, 2009, 01:35:30 am
First she was trying to screw the Philosopher, then the Duke...
Maybe she should just go for one of the other older members of her government closer her age... Stick all suitors and her in a 1x1 meeting room in an isolated floor of the fort and hope one of them gets her preganant?
If the migrant-wave theory is true, this might make it worst, since all Urist-era dwarves are already dead.
Post by: MrGimp on November 20, 2009, 03:52:07 am
Post by: nil on November 20, 2009, 11:19:59 am
Post by: Moose Fisher on November 20, 2009, 06:58:55 pm
Urist may have to adopt.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 20, 2009, 07:04:19 pm
I'd say use DC to make Urist pregnant, but I've never used it and that is likely not an option.Something doesnt seem right...
Urist may have to "adopt"
Post by: Grath on November 21, 2009, 10:14:40 am
Dwarves generally prefer relationships with dwarves in the same migrant group and, yes, generation. They WILL still have relationships with others who are not in the same grouping, but they will build very slowly relative to a relationship between two migrants from the same wave.
It disturbs me how much you know about Dwarven relationships and sex.
Post by: Argonnek on November 21, 2009, 10:52:09 pm
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on November 22, 2009, 12:08:11 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 26, 2009, 08:04:29 pm
:'(
Post by: Zulaf on November 29, 2009, 09:15:08 pm
MASSIVE Ratweed binge.
Post by: Moose Fisher on November 29, 2009, 10:09:03 pm
Post by: MrGimp on December 02, 2009, 01:41:20 pm
Yeah you're right about all of that...especially the programming...but then even more especially the rat weed. haha
Well, Im almost done with the current project for work, it wraps up on Friday (I fucking hope). So the next few days is crunch time, but then I might have time to write something up for DF.
Im a couple years ahead of the story in game, I just havent had time to write anything because life is made of poop. :'(
Post by: MrGimp on December 02, 2009, 01:47:41 pm
If anyone knows a program, or figures out a way to edit dwarven relationships, then post it here and you get dibs on Urist's baby!
Post by: addictgamer on December 02, 2009, 02:01:20 pm
Dwarf companion may have it, although I still haven't managed to find relationships in it yet.
Glad to know updates are coming soon though ;D
Just curious, is my dwarf still smelting gobs?
Post by: MrGimp on December 02, 2009, 11:25:21 pm
Ya...I have no clue, and I need it too. (rhymes!)
Dwarf companion may have it, although I still haven't managed to find relationships in it yet.
Glad to know updates are coming soon though ;D
Just curious, is my dwarf still smelting gobs?
I'm gonna try to do a big status update on all the named dwarves soon, with a brief blurb on what theyve been up to...
Post by: MrGimp on December 02, 2009, 11:38:00 pm
"No!" the telepath's voice rang in her mind. "You are doing it wrong! Your mind is too rigid! Turn it to mush! MUSH! Mush mind is all knowing!"
"Mush mind?" asked Christes in confusion.
"Yes! Mind like child! Not held down by preconceived thoughts and ideas. Happy go lucky! You are too serious!"
Christes sighed. "I'll try to relax..."
On the other side of the infinite void, but only a finite distance from Christes, Tradanbattlan floated helplessly. He had long ago given up moving or speaking. He had accepted the reality of pure nothingness. He was lost in fantasy day dreams in his mind. He didn't even see the whiteness anymore. No...he was reliving memories from his life in Blockedlance, where he would sometimes go down to the blue microcline caves in the lower levels of the fortress with Christes. They would bang for hours in the pale blue rooms, and with Pavlovian inevitability Tradan had grown quite fond of the miserable blue stone.
Ahhh....Microcline, Tradan thought to himself.
All of a sudden, his head slammed into something as hard as a rock. He was nearly knocked unconscious, but he managed to keep it together. He regained his composure and looked up. There, floating in the whiteness before him was a beautiful blue boulder.
"MICROCLINE!!!" he shouted in joy. "How the hell did you get here? Its like you came out of nowhere....orrr....were you always there?" Tradan scratched his head. "Oh well....fuck....this is awesome......"
And so, Tradan now had a stone to play with.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on December 02, 2009, 11:42:25 pm
I WILL BEGIN CARVING AT ONCE
Post by: addictgamer on December 02, 2009, 11:50:09 pm
And the rest of the dwarfs are coming by this weekend?
Post by: MrGimp on December 05, 2009, 04:19:38 am
%^&#^%$#$&^%*&^%!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >:( :'( ::)
Post by: Jackrabbit on December 05, 2009, 04:35:14 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on December 05, 2009, 11:55:04 am
Post by: Zulaf on December 05, 2009, 01:06:16 pm
Post by: MrGimp on December 05, 2009, 02:52:39 pm
The fuck. Does he have two separate mini-pyramids of hair. That could be the problem.
He kinda does look like that guy! haha
Post by: Moose Fisher on December 05, 2009, 03:00:33 pm
Just make sure your completed work doesn't end up with spikes of Boss human bone.
Post by: Blargityblarg on December 06, 2009, 06:51:25 am
I made a fortress which I was going to put up as a succession.
The RNG named it Blockedlances.
Damn. I'll emphasise the S when I put up the thread.
Post by: MrGimp on December 08, 2009, 01:57:27 pm
...
I made a fortress which I was going to put up as a succession.
The RNG named it Blockedlances.
Damn. I'll emphasise the S when I put up the thread.
No worries. I dont enforce copyrights like WMG. haha
Post by: MrGimp on December 08, 2009, 02:04:25 pm
The good news is Ill have more free time.
The bad news is Ive been taken off this project for work.
:/
He says he needs it done in 48-72 hours (wtf?) and he needs someone with more experience. Well gee....maybe if you would have given me the forms I needed from day one, we couldve done this. But no, I didnt get the forms until three weeks in, and then I had three days to rewrite the entire site.
Ive been rushing as fast as I could, pumping out 3-4 thousand lines of code a day. But now its all buggy (because thats what happens when you slop together 10,000+ lines of in a few days) so hes mad.
Its not like its so buggy that I couldnt fix it....its just buggy enough to make him look bad. The project was late before he even hired me to work on it. So I dont see how I am the one that made him look bad....if anything, he made ME look bad by not giving me the damn instructions for the site until last week.
Sigh....
Like I said, I have more free time.......but I dont think Im in a good enough mood to torture dwarves.
:'(
Post by: Tradanbattlan on December 08, 2009, 02:10:13 pm
Bloody murder!
Post by: HFS on December 08, 2009, 05:22:48 pm
I do too.
I, on the other hand, have forced them to give me back my sound.
Just a loophole that I exploited.
Post by: Huesoo on December 23, 2009, 09:21:12 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on December 23, 2009, 09:22:25 pm
SOMEONE, QUICK
GET THE PAIN PILLS AND TWO SOCKS
Post by: Soviet Travolta on December 24, 2009, 05:07:16 am
Post by: Ze Spy on December 24, 2009, 10:08:06 am
can we still join it? if yes , then i choose a dwarf of any weapon skill , name "Spaher" , and try to choose a millitary dwarf that has the highest agile skill(unchoosen) for me , spaher means scout , which should pretty much answer any question of why a fast one
EDIT : oh hey! 1337 replies! , so supposingly i get the 1337 replier medal?(joke)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on December 24, 2009, 10:58:59 am
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
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On the twelfth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Labs on December 24, 2009, 11:19:54 am
Post by: MrGimp on December 26, 2009, 01:57:38 am
The Dwarves have suspended the construction of the Rat Weed Thread: Interrupted by Blasphemy
The following post suffers from inordinate amounts of blasphemy. Oh yes, we take some lords names in vain here folks. The post was meant in jest, and is more a mockery of the evil world we live in than of any particular religion. Jebus P. Christ is definitely the good guy in this story. Id also like to take this moment to blame Jackrabbit for all the lines I crossed in this post. It was his idea to post a Christmas Special, and so it is obviously entirely and completely his fault.
And so now that I have washed my hands clean of any responsibility for my actions, I present to you the Blockedlance Christmas Special!!! Just a further heads up...they dont celebrate his birth folks, they celebrate his death! Its pretty brutal. Only read this screed if you hold absolutely nothing sacred. ;D
Spoiler: The Blockedlance Christmas Special (click to show/hide)
Post by: Akigagak on December 26, 2009, 02:08:19 am
"Yeah!" laughed Armok. "He would create fish and bread for these people, and I always though, man, just create a pile of gold and some naked women! Ya know?! I mean.....HELLO JEBUS!!! Ahhh....but he was weird.
Sigged. So very sigged.
Post by: Jackrabbit on December 26, 2009, 06:23:07 am
Post by: MrGimp on December 26, 2009, 05:45:18 pm
On the first day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-On the second day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-Spoiler (click to show/hide)On the third day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-Spoiler (click to show/hide)On the fourth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-Spoiler (click to show/hide)On the fifth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-Spoiler (click to show/hide)On the sixth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-Spoiler (click to show/hide)On the seventh day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-Spoiler (click to show/hide)On the eigth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-Spoiler (click to show/hide)On the ninth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-Spoiler (click to show/hide)On the tenth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-Spoiler (click to show/hide)On the eleventh day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-Spoiler (click to show/hide)(Get ready now!)Spoiler (click to show/hide)
On the twelfth day of Dorfsmas, Armok gave to me-Spoiler (click to show/hide)
hahaha this is cool as hell!
Post by: MrGimp on December 26, 2009, 05:47:39 pm
nice saga , liked the scene where the clerk and the mayor fought a failure battle with snakemens
can we still join it? if yes , then i choose a dwarf of any weapon skill , name "Spaher" , and try to choose a millitary dwarf that has the highest agile skill(unchoosen) for me , spaher means scout , which should pretty much answer any question of why a fast one
EDIT : oh hey! 1337 replies! , so supposingly i get the 1337 replier medal?(joke)
Yeah I can add you...I think theres still some military dwarves left. I havent played in so long...
My stupid boss put me back on the project. And back on slave hours. I dont think he was ever mad, he was just trying to break my balls or something.
Post by: MrGimp on December 26, 2009, 06:13:41 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring-5.jpg)
Spring 239
After placing Argonnek's admantine floor grate into the Royal Palace, fortress wealth has increased to well over 13 million dwarf bucks. I made the floor grate linked to a lever that revealed a secret path from the palace down to the river garden below. Its not really needed, as there are stairs not far away...haha, but hey. Secret passages hooked to levers are cool, alright!?
The tax collector that was crucified last Christmas came along with an Armok worshipping Hammerer believe it or not. His name was Huesoo....a strange name for a dwarf. His parents must have been really interesting.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/hammerer.jpg)
The first thing Huesoo noticed upon his arrival was the scattered piles of bolts all around the fortress. It was literally a sea of spent ammunition, both goblin and dwarf. And near the choke points lay the piles of iron goblin armor. Also of note was that the top layer of soil was entirely made of ash from so many raging infernos.
It was a gruesome place.
Another dwarf has taken up the dwarven habit of renaming himself. Ever since he carved a simple artifact bone idol, he has demanded that he be called Nonobots!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Nonobots.jpg)
He is our resident strand extractor, and has spent the majority of his life at Blockedlance deep in the earth, extracting adamantine in a cluttered workshop.
In summer, the humans came. These caravans are picking up some interesting items on their travels around the nearby lands.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/demonidol.jpg)
Demon bone idols and carp bone amulets. They'll go good with my goblin bone crown.
Post by: Typoman on December 26, 2009, 10:48:52 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on December 28, 2009, 04:03:39 pm
DO WANT DO WANT DO WANT
Post by: MrGimp on December 29, 2009, 12:40:13 am
Heres a picture of Blockedlance in late 239 in Visual Fortress. The temple looks weirder than it did in 3Dwarf. The half finished hollow pyramid is dominating the skyline. Speaking of which...who else but dwarves would build a hollow pyramid like that?
You can see the mountains of the Ruthless Tower begin to rise in the background. They go much higher, but I had to pick a small map so as not to murder my computer. So it looks pretty pathetic for a mountain range with such an awesome name.
Post by: addictgamer on December 29, 2009, 01:38:56 pm
I have't seen any dwarven architecture like this in a long time.
Good job, and I can't wait for the updates to come.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on December 29, 2009, 05:19:20 pm
Post by: Rotten on December 30, 2009, 12:48:27 am
Oh god I will never look at DF the same way again.
I signed up just to say that.
On that note, this fortress is awesome.
Post by: Hawkfrost on December 30, 2009, 02:19:51 am
Post by: filiusenox on December 30, 2009, 07:54:29 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on January 02, 2010, 08:35:54 am
Post by: Mraedis on January 03, 2010, 02:00:28 pm
Hello. Just read all this in 3 days... AWESOME stuff.
Post by: MrGimp on January 08, 2010, 05:05:33 pm
Sorry.
Life sucks. I have to take my former boss to court now. I see why he was being an ass to me earlier. He was trying to lay the ground work for denying payment for my contract. He basically waited till the software was done, now he wont pay me. I demanded payment, so he terminated my contract. I said fine, but you still gotta pay me. Then he said, Ill pay a little, thats it. I said no, youll pay all of it or Ill take you to court. He said fine, if you take me to court I wont pay anything. He canceled the check he had sent me, so now Im overdrawn. How can you cancel a check that is already cashed?
He deserves jailtime. Fuck life. Now I gotta take him to court. Itll be months before I see a dime. >:( ::)
Post by: Huesoo on January 08, 2010, 05:21:26 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on January 08, 2010, 05:22:52 pm
That sucks, Gimp. I hope you get every penny that bastard owes you.
Post by: addictgamer on January 08, 2010, 06:26:17 pm
I hope you win the battle.
I guess no updates for a while then...
Post by: Argonnek on January 08, 2010, 07:35:57 pm
Post by: MrGimp on January 08, 2010, 10:30:20 pm
Ah, nobles, can't live with 'em, can't get a paycheck without 'em.
Thats it in a nutshell.
Post by: MrGimp on January 08, 2010, 10:31:24 pm
But you still can upate right? Oh and sorry about that sucks that it happend over christmas.
Yeah I suppose I can play DF tonight. I got a little bit of rat weed left. Ill drown my sorrows in smoke and ASCII art.
Post by: MrGimp on January 08, 2010, 10:32:55 pm
dumped to keep this on the first page , if you don't happen to have a millitary dwarf that has legendary agile(yes , i am that crazy) , i sigh up for the high pristress
Yeah I added Spaher in as a military dwarf. Whats your opinion on Arena combat?
Post by: Typoman on January 09, 2010, 02:13:22 am
some people are just assholes
Post by: Ze Spy on January 09, 2010, 06:57:34 am
Post by: Ze Spy on January 09, 2010, 07:04:40 am
Post by: MrGimp on January 09, 2010, 02:28:23 pm
aw man that sucks big time. what do you think (or rather what does your lawer think) your chances of getting your legal costs outta him are if you win? (good luck with that btw, it'd just be wrong if you lost)
some people are just assholes
Oh Ill get it all and then some. Ill get my money, my legal costs, as well as interest and penalties for this loan that I did not consent to.
Thats why it blows my mind he would even try this. I have a contract. He's just broke and stalling for time. Thats my opinion.
Post by: MrGimp on January 09, 2010, 02:30:52 pm
gimp , why can't you just make him pay by force? or call the police?
Well it doesnt work that way. If I use force (my preferred alternative if it were really up to me) then *I'll* go to jail. And as for the police, theyll say that this is a civil matter and direct me to the courts, which is who Im going through now. 45-60 days they said. And then after that he still has a certain amount of time to pay me. So it will be months before I see a dime, even though this is an open and shut case.
Post by: MrGimp on January 09, 2010, 02:31:19 pm
you mean how your arena worked?
No I mean whats your opinion on your dwarf Spaher getting sent to the arena? :P
Post by: Ze Spy on January 09, 2010, 10:38:45 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on January 09, 2010, 10:40:11 pm
Wimp.
Post by: Ze Spy on January 10, 2010, 02:20:49 am
Post by: MrGimp on January 10, 2010, 11:35:31 pm
Man I have shit luck. I obviously havent been sacrificing enough peasants to Armok.
Post by: addictgamer on January 10, 2010, 11:40:59 pm
Well, I can't help you there...(What browser? If it's IE, obviously. IE doesn't need a virus to screw up. Get FF or Chrome)
So, I suspect that updates won't be awhile eh...
Post by: Ze Spy on January 11, 2010, 01:15:29 am
Post by: Khamero on January 11, 2010, 07:12:54 am
If none are avaliable, I'd love a military dwarf!
As for your boss, I hope you impale his bank accound with a superior adamantine shortsword and rip the innards out. =)
meaning cash for you. 8)
Post by: MrGimp on January 11, 2010, 01:12:28 pm
>.<
Well, I can't help you there...(What browser? If it's IE, obviously. IE doesn't need a virus to screw up. Get FF or Chrome)
So, I suspect that updates won't be awhile eh...
I have one of each browser on my computer. I think I have 6 total. But yeah, the only one that still works is Firefox. The others give me that proxy error just trying to open. I dont get it.
Anyone know how to reset connection settings? I tried reinstalling IE, but the error is still there. So I dont think its browser settings...its gotta be something on the connection....uhhhhh....I guess....
Post by: MrGimp on January 11, 2010, 01:12:54 pm
Requesting to be dwarfed as a armok worskipping mason to help complete the pyramid of doom(tm)
If none are avaliable, I'd love a military dwarf!
As for your boss, I hope you impale his bank accound with a superior adamantine shortsword and rip the innards out. =)
meaning cash for you. 8)
Sure, we can always use more stonecutters. What do you want to name him?
Post by: Khamero on January 11, 2010, 04:53:16 pm
Being brainwashed is fun.
Post by: Jim Groovester on January 11, 2010, 05:02:17 pm
There is an important matter that requires your immediate attention.
When will Grigrak next be incarnated?
Post by: Moose Fisher on January 11, 2010, 06:49:15 pm
Mr Gimp.Probably in a dwarf that is immediately smashed by Armok
There is an important matter that requires your immediate attention.
When will Grigrak next be incarnated?
Post by: MrGimp on January 12, 2010, 02:47:36 pm
Mr Gimp.
There is an important matter that requires your immediate attention.
When will Grigrak next be incarnated?
I have a plan.
As soon as I can upload pics again Ill post the update. I have everything set up for some fun....stupid photobucket wont let me upload though...
Post by: MrGimp on January 12, 2010, 03:41:32 pm
Ugh.....
It doesnt seem like theres an easy fix. But I found some stuff online to help me out....so theres hope.
Post by: Khamero on January 12, 2010, 03:49:24 pm
Post by: addictgamer on January 12, 2010, 03:50:06 pm
Hope you get it fixed.
Goodluck.
*waits frantically for the updates to come*
Post by: Ze Spy on January 14, 2010, 01:54:34 am
or soon?
Post by: Ze Spy on January 14, 2010, 05:39:37 am
Post by: MrGimp on January 14, 2010, 09:48:35 pm
Still cant upload directly. But I got around photobucket's uploader. Apparently, I can still upload by emailing them straight to photobucket!
Post by: MrGimp on January 14, 2010, 10:09:04 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263523470.jpg)
Wow. Forty years. 20-30 years may be enough for any sane fortress of dwarves. But dammit this is Blockedlance, and we threw sanity out the window a long time ago!
Speaking of which...Winston Smith has gone insane....uhhh, more insane, that is.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263523472.jpg)
Winston was seized by a demonic force from below the fortress! He tore off his (remaining) clothes and ran down the hallways screaming, "Noooooo!!!!! Fools! All of you! Listen to me!!!!"
Dwarves gathered.
"Soylent Green is made out of people!!!!" There was an awkward silence. "Oh wait....wrong movie.....uhhh....Big Brother!!! No! He's always watching me!!! ARRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!"
The other dwarves just scratched their heads at his odd behavior. 'Was it something in the double plus meat?', they wondered. Perhaps he was overjoyed about the raise in the sugar rations to one half cube per dwarf per month?
"I must craft with stone!" cried Winston, seizing a mason's workshop.
Upon hearing this request, they were reassured in Winston's continued rationality. Afterall, who doesn't go crazy once in a while? And who doesn't calm down by crafting with stone?
Post by: MrGimp on January 14, 2010, 10:13:08 pm
Armok appeared before Tradan as he floated through the void with his precious microcline boulder. In fact, he had substantiated many microcline boulders. Back in his life at Blockedlance, he had collected microcline amulets and rings and mugs until they overflowed his entire room and spilled out into the hall. Now, he had filled the nearby empty void with a floating asteroid field of blue stone.
"No!" shrieked Tradan, hiding himself from Armok with the stone. "Not again!" His entire body was covered in gruesome scars from the whippings of so long ago.
"You!" grimaced Armok as he pointed at the lowly dwarf. "Your mind is in such a gelatinous state that you have become able to bend reality itself! And all you could think to do with it is create a bunch of rough microcline boulders???"
"What do you mean that was all I could think to do?" asked Tradan, offended that Armok would besmirch the fabulous blue stone.
"If you love microcline, then you'll love this, you foul dwarf!" Armok raised his hands and the nearby boulders came flying at Tradan, knocking him around, and then......the boulders actually began fusing into his skin. Tradan shrieked in pain. It reminded him of that one movie The Philadelphia Experiment, where the sailors sank into the deck and fused with it, but were still alive and in horrible agony.
"Why are you doing this to me?!" he cried.
"Well...I had no choice. It was the name of the damn chapter...and we had to get to it eventually! Behold!!! It's alive!!!" cried Armok in Dr. Frankenstein-like glee.
And with that, Tradan was overcome with the beastly spirit of a monster made of microcline...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263524000.jpg)
Post by: addictgamer on January 14, 2010, 10:49:13 pm
Great updates.
Goodluck with fixing your pc's state.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on January 14, 2010, 11:38:17 pm
Also, sorry Christes but now you technically had sex with a monster made of stone.
Post by: Cheddarius on January 15, 2010, 01:50:23 am
Post by: Huesoo on January 15, 2010, 11:53:42 am
AWESOME. MY DREAM HAS FINALLY BEEN REALISED.
Also, sorry Christes but now you technically had sex with a monster made of stone.
No need for Viagra.
Post by: MrGimp on January 15, 2010, 02:06:51 pm
"Behold, this is my statue, 'The Courageous Pain'!" shouted Winston, pulling the rope reed cloth off the statue.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263581658.jpg)
There was silence.
"Uhhh....it seems kinda plain, Winston," said a dwarf at last.
"Yeah...what's with the image of the circles?" asked another.
"What? This is a monument to the working dwarf! It doesn't need any fancy decoration or any fancy meaning!" Winston explained, defending his work.
"Oh." said the crowd as one. They paused for a moment or two, and then one by one they walked away, leaving Winston with his crude talc statue.
Post by: Khamero on January 15, 2010, 02:18:29 pm
At least it menaces with spikes, that should count for something...
But yea, it kinda lack images of demons and stuff... =(
Post by: Huesoo on January 15, 2010, 02:23:29 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on January 15, 2010, 07:32:05 pm
i am getting tired of this fortress , i tell you why
first of all , someone called winston smith created a random and plain statue that only contains circles as the main attraction , and yet he was't even a god damned legendary stonecrafter , damn
second , no matter how much i yell at the queen , she will never listen to me , its two session when i begain yelling at the queen to change my name to spaher , and yet she does not even bother replying......
lol , had to stir this one up , you should of used DC to change the procession to fey mod
Post by: MrGimp on January 15, 2010, 08:29:48 pm
The one who should really be mad at me is Khamero. haha
Post by: addictgamer on January 15, 2010, 08:32:00 pm
Don't forget that...
If not, then I'll request a new one...
Post by: MrGimp on January 15, 2010, 08:34:39 pm
Legendary Statue Garden anyone?
How legendary could it really be though? It's only worth 39,000 dwarfbucks.
I suppose that is a decent enough amount to cheer up peasants though. It's just so detestable to actually give the peasants a statue garden since the Queen confiscated the last one for her own private use. :P
Post by: MrGimp on January 15, 2010, 08:39:45 pm
I think I requested a dwarf a while back...
Don't forget that...
If not, then I'll request a new one...
You mean Akhier? Or were you Mario?
They're both in. Akhier, and Mario are awaiting their certain death....errrr.....their glorious chance for glory in the arena!!!
Post by: addictgamer on January 15, 2010, 09:31:21 pm
Very good job so far.
I would like a dwarf, a male preferably, and if an engineer or blacksmith or mason or miner is open, I'd take one and in that order. If not, then military. And if not even that, any dwarf that is free. Nickname: Captain Coder.
Did the queen get her heir yet or is that in a future update?
The two engineers are taken, but I do have a furnace operator guy that helps smelt our gobs of platinum and magnetite ores. Ill make you him if that's cool.
As for Urist's heir...yeah, I hope that happens in a future update :) .... but it might not :-\
The dwarves will do what the dwarves will do.
Ok, here is my dwarf. I found it a few pages back.
Post by: Eagle on January 15, 2010, 10:18:28 pm
Whats happening with Eagle in his cave? He must get magma to simplify his life.
Post by: HFS on January 15, 2010, 11:15:19 pm
Name: Xanthius
Male
Preferred: Military, Metalsmith (any type), Miner or Mason (preferably Military)
Post by: Beanchubbs on January 15, 2010, 11:55:53 pm
Anyhoo, very, very great fortress. I've been reading it a few hours a night, and I have rarely laughed so hard in my life at some point. It probably makes me a horrible person, but I found the section of baby killing the most hilarious and grabbed the Haiku as my sig. This is probably the most cruel/gruesome/disturbing/hilarious fortresses I've ever seen, and I believe it's damned near topping Boatmurdered in epicness.
Great Work.
Post by: MrGimp on January 16, 2010, 12:02:37 am
Anyways, as a tribute, heres a list of all the insane people who have become part of this travesty of a fortress and whose dwarves' are still alive...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263619986.jpg)
The nobles are all Armok worshippers, and so is anyone with the prefix 'Master' in their profession title. Oh, and our Engineer of Death worships Armok too. Everyone else is a filthy pagan.
Xanthius and Cheddarius: I added you guys in as marksdwarves.
Post by: MrGimp on January 16, 2010, 12:34:50 am
And now, for my favorite part...the Scroll of Death...
Post by: Ze Spy on January 16, 2010, 12:42:37 am
its a crazy day here , i just saw a poster that said "the scroll of life" , i mean , what the hell is that? i bet 5 thousand dollars that queen urist is going to make a "scroll of death" , its insane in this fortress , but armok's wealth makes everyone crazy , how can we help that? except i don't really worship armok , but pretend to so i don't get murdered.
geez , i think i am going to make a new warcry , "WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF YOU JUST GOT DOMINATED" , was what i am planning to choose due to the insanity of this fortress
i refuse to be one of those insane crazy people! lol
Post by: MrGimp on January 16, 2010, 12:47:27 am
Scroll of Death
308 dead dwarves rot in our catacombs. Although, there were 69 dead dwarves in Blockedlance before Urist arrived. So that's a total of 377 dwarven spirits haunting the grounds. Plus a few dwarven caravan guards and the dwarven trade rep and diplomat. So about 380 or so.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263620547.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263620548.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263620549.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263620554.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263620803.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263620804.jpg)
Still nowhere near my goal of 1000. I dont get migrants anymore though, and these dwarves wont breed (maybe cause I kill all the heathen children?).
Post by: Ze Spy on January 16, 2010, 12:59:04 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on January 16, 2010, 01:13:04 am
Is.
AWESOME!!
I hope to add to that number as the Microline Monster!
Post by: Innominate on January 16, 2010, 01:15:34 am
That.All you need to do is to warp yourself out of the Armok-then-isolation-and-then-oh-great-more-Armok hell and into the Blockedlance take on reality.
Is.
AWESOME!!
I hope to add to that number as the Microline Monster!
Post by: Tradanbattlan on January 16, 2010, 01:19:37 am
I've done it! I've figured it out!
If I summon a bridge, I can atom smash my way back to Blockedlance!
Beware, feebleminded dwarves!
I'M COMING BACK.
Post by: Ze Spy on January 16, 2010, 01:23:46 am
Post by: addictgamer on January 16, 2010, 02:21:51 am
Maybe I can help you to get it working.
It's something I do. ;)
Post by: MrGimp on January 16, 2010, 12:03:44 pm
MrGimp, are you still having problems with companion?
Maybe I can help you to get it working.
It's something I do. ;)
Ironically enough I just got it working a few days ago. I've toyed with it a bit. I just seem to destroy things more. Like how when I used Tweak it set the place on fire....well messing with DC has caused the Queen to go crazy and jump off the pyramid several times.
Suffice it to say I've been doing a lot of save scumming. ;D
Post by: addictgamer on January 16, 2010, 02:08:55 pm
Maybe revive tradan? I suggest you save before you do and then unpause for 5 mins at least after you do.
Post by: Khamero on January 16, 2010, 07:33:50 pm
Or did he sneak into the scroll of death when I wasent looking?
He could be a loyal marksdwarf as well... me own dad made me a pretty decent crossbow when I was a kid... xD
But they seem to kind of die off pretty quickly... =O
Post by: MrGimp on January 16, 2010, 08:30:04 pm
Khamero still waiting to be part of the loyal stonecutters league?
Or did he sneak into the scroll of death when I wasent looking?
He could be a loyal marksdwarf as well... me own dad made me a pretty decent crossbow when I was a kid... xD
But they seem to kind of die off pretty quickly... =O
Yeah, a farmer was singled out by the priest and priestess and baptized with the ancient dwarvish name 'Khamero'. He is now an initiate in the Stonecutter's Guild and toils all day on the pyramid.
Post by: MrGimp on January 16, 2010, 08:43:45 pm
"Greetings master! What is this you have here?" asked Urist.
"Oh this is a beast of microcline."
"Beast of Microcline?"
"Yeah, they're found all throughout the eighth dimension. I totally didnt take a dwarf, horribly mutate and lobotomize him, and then bring him back here to you like this," said Armok.
"Oh." Urist looked at the beast. "Well what're you going to do with it?"
"Well I was gonna give it to you, actually."
"Hmmm...yeah I could always use a beast to throw in the arena. There were a few champions left over from that rebellion that I never sacrificed to you my lord. I shall rectify that mistake immediately." Urist snapped her fingers at her servants. "Guards, bring me Ingish Tombfights, and that other dwarf with the red hat...Mario was his name? Yeah the only one here besides the hammerer who uses a hammer. Get that guy. We'll see what these dwarves are made of..." cackled Urist.
Post by: addictgamer on January 16, 2010, 08:46:40 pm
Interesting.
Did you actually bring him back as something other than a dwarf? A bronze colossus?
Post by: MrGimp on January 16, 2010, 08:54:16 pm
As they were being led to the throne room, Grigrak's unconscious spirit drew near. Though Grigrak was not in a state in which he could control his actions, his unconscious desires led him towards dwarves who hated Urist, dwarves who were rebellious and especially dwarves who were violent. Ingish Tombfights fit that bill perfectly. He had slaughtered many dozens of elves and goblins, and held within him a deep hatred of the Queen for her slaughtering of the children so many years ago.
Grigrak began melding with the dwarf.
Mario and Ingish stood before the Queen, and were shackled, arms and legs. They were told of their fate; a fight to the death with a great beast. Mario saw the chance for glory, but Ingish, who was now fully Grigrak, wanted only to bash the Queens brains in. He lunged at her, though he was shackled. The guards tackled him. The Queen merely laughed.
"Make him fight first....and make sure they fight naked, and without a shield, like true dwarves!" laughed the Queen.
Post by: MrGimp on January 16, 2010, 09:03:03 pm
and a mighty old dwarf was he!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263692036.jpg)
But stripped of his shield and armor and facing a creature he had never seen before, his body shook with fear. A crowd banged on the glass of the dining hall as he readied himself for the gate to raise.
Grigrak knew that his only hope was to kill this beast, and then escape into the fortress and kill the Queen. Then at least he could die in peace. But defeating this beast would test all of his might. The roaring coming from behind the steel gates to the beast pen shook the entire cave!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1263692033.jpg)
When the gates raised, he saw the blue stone beast roaring and beating it's chest. It barely moved, making him make the first move. Gathering his beard about him, Ingish Tombfights, the Laconic Griffon of Safety charged with all his strength and speed at the horrible microcline monster...
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on January 16, 2010, 09:49:39 pm
Also, I find it ironic how he was named "Spinmountains" and he's made of rock.
Post by: addictgamer on January 16, 2010, 10:43:51 pm
How did you make that beast?
lol
The updates are not as big as they used to be, but they are still masterpiece quality.
Post by: MrGimp on January 16, 2010, 11:33:33 pm
Very interesting.
How did you make that beast?
I had a raccoon in a cage from a long time ago. Then I edited raccoons into Beasts of Microcline. Gave em a bunch of stat boosts, then used DC to boost his toughness, agility and strength to 100 (the max).
He still gets slaughtered by legendary dwarves with armor or a shield. They have to fight naked to make it fair.
Post by: addictgamer on January 16, 2010, 11:39:06 pm
Post by: MrGimp on January 17, 2010, 12:03:34 am
By the time he had come back to the other end of the arena Ingish was dead. "Mamma mia, you killed Luigi!" cried Mario. "I mean Ingish!" Mario raised his hammer as the cheering crowd banged on the glass. "I'm a gonna break a your face! Let's a go!"
With that Mario charged, and jumped over the Beast of Microcline. But there was no golden axe!!! Mario had never been in a fight like this. He jumped over the blue monster again, hoping to find a little golden axe to chop down a bridge so that the blue beast could fall into magma. But again, there was nothing. He then realized there was no bridge. Or magma.
"Hey! What kind of a mushroom kingdom is this?!" cried Mario in despair.
It was then the Spinmountains lunged forward and bit Mario's right arm off. He began gushing blood.
"Oh no! I only have a the one up!" Mario swung his hammer with his remaining hand, trying to keep the monster away. slowly, he began losing strength. There was a pool of blood. He was fading.
"Mamma mia!" he whimpered.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Ze Spy on January 17, 2010, 12:04:37 am
Post by: MrGimp on January 17, 2010, 12:10:21 am
may i extract ze mircocline?
Errrrr.....things kinda get a little out of hand at this point.
Post by: Ze Spy on January 17, 2010, 12:16:27 am
Post by: addictgamer on January 17, 2010, 12:34:16 am
Post by: Ze Spy on January 17, 2010, 12:42:15 am
Post by: MrGimp on January 17, 2010, 01:19:19 am
Ravus Maniacus has starved to death!
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Cheddarius on January 17, 2010, 01:22:53 am
But that wouldn't be very dwarfy.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on January 17, 2010, 01:26:29 am
Oh my.
It would seem that things have... changed.
And guess what.
Spoiler: "What is it, Tradan?" (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on January 17, 2010, 01:30:18 am
You know, you could just free the dining hall table...
This honestly never crossed my mind. Had it done so...I might have avoided a lot of trouble and sorrow.......
:P
Post by: Tradanbattlan on January 17, 2010, 01:30:45 am
Post by: addictgamer on January 17, 2010, 01:31:15 am
Out of eating? :O
Post by: MrGimp on January 17, 2010, 01:32:25 am
...
Oh my.
It would seem that things have... changed.
And guess what.Spoiler: "What is it, Tradan?" (click to show/hide)
At that moment, in the void, Christes' latent psychic powers connected her with her former lover. She shreked out loud in horror.
"What is it?" asked the telepath.
"It's Tradan....he's....he's in some kind of.....psychopathic berserker martial trance bloodlust!"
......
"Oh."
Post by: Ze Spy on January 17, 2010, 01:41:44 am
Post by: Beanchubbs on January 17, 2010, 01:50:01 am
Profit ???
Post by: MrGimp on January 17, 2010, 01:53:19 am
The Slaughtering Slaughteryness of Slaughtertude
Queen Urist wanted the creature dead. But she still wanted to fight fair. So she sent two marksdwarves in. She thought sending the squadleader Lord Lego in would be overkill. How could it possibly take three dwarves to kill that thing? It's only size 30,000!
Anyways, Cheddarius and Xanthius were there, and here is there fate, recorded for all to see...
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1924-microclinemonster (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1924-microclinemonster)
The two marksdwarves did not have the wrestling ability to dodge the beasts jaws. When they had fallen Urist ordered Lord Lego to finish the beast off, for the beast was tired and Lord Lego was a legendary wrestler in steel armor.
Lord Lego had survived death once. Here is his second less successful attempt.
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1925-lordlegodiesagain (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1925-lordlegodiesagain)
With that, Urist orders Akhier into the breach, but as the gates are opened, Akhier wanders off to go get some booze or something. With the gates opened, and no one to block his path, the Beast of Microcline enters the fortress!!!
Huesoo the newly arrived Hammerer is there to stop the now wounded and crippled beast. He swings and misses, the beast runs upstairs to get away from the dwarves. Huesoo follows...and behind him rushes Akhier and Lord Dullard's entire squad of men...
http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1926-microclinedeath (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-1926-microclinedeath)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Ze Spy on January 17, 2010, 01:57:04 am
THE WORST THING YOU CAN DO IS HOG THE MIRCOLINE MONSTER AND WAIT FOR HIM TO THROW ALL HIS MIRCOLINE AT YOU
oh well , off to take all that mircoline away , and see tradan in hospital
Post by: Ze Spy on January 17, 2010, 01:59:04 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on January 17, 2010, 02:01:15 am
Ohboyohboy, I can't wait to see what hell I land in this time!
Post by: Ze Spy on January 17, 2010, 02:04:35 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on January 17, 2010, 02:06:34 am
Post by: addictgamer on January 17, 2010, 02:15:43 am
That beast is effective.
Post by: Ze Spy on January 17, 2010, 02:40:24 am
freaking dumbass
Post by: Khamero on January 17, 2010, 03:24:31 am
Seriously, being inside that thing whould prolly be a hell in itself. :-\
Post by: Ze Spy on January 17, 2010, 04:01:49 am
Post by: Innominate on January 17, 2010, 04:24:22 am
Post by: Huesoo on January 17, 2010, 07:57:50 am
Post by: Cheddarius on January 17, 2010, 12:47:16 pm
Could I apply for a new marksdwarf, Cheddarius, male?
Post by: Akigagak on January 17, 2010, 01:06:19 pm
Post by: addictgamer on January 17, 2010, 04:13:15 pm
Or did he get smelted into a glob by the microline's rampage?
Post by: Ze Spy on January 18, 2010, 01:17:01 am
Post by: The Architect on January 18, 2010, 07:49:45 am
If you didn't have less than 50 dwarves and dozens of forum readers clamoring for incarnations I might ask for someone. As it is, I'll leave it to your discretion whether you need another participant to keep track of.
Post by: Moose Fisher on January 18, 2010, 03:25:44 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on January 21, 2010, 01:28:58 am
Post by: The Architect on January 21, 2010, 01:32:37 am
TREED NERCO
...thread... necro? After 33 and a half hours?
Post by: Khamero on January 21, 2010, 01:37:21 am
Post by: Aldaris on January 21, 2010, 04:58:46 am
...Baroness? Really?
And I'm still alive?
What trickery is this?!
Post by: Eagle on January 21, 2010, 06:05:05 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on January 21, 2010, 08:06:53 pm
At least you havent died twice.
Post by: Khamero on January 22, 2010, 01:19:14 am
I'm not even dorfed yet, though since updates are coming slow, I guess I won't be for a while.
However, the story is awesome! =D so no worries, eh?
Post by: MrGimp on January 26, 2010, 09:59:29 pm
Rats, could I have a Swordsdwarf?
You sure you dont want to be the next Armok worshiping Hammerer again? I dont have anymore military dwarves available.
Post by: MrGimp on January 26, 2010, 10:02:35 pm
Dang. One brief mention of my name, only to die immediately to a massive rock golem...
Could I apply for a new marksdwarf, Cheddarius, male?
But the death in battle guarantees a tomb in the Dwarven Valhalla Cave! Only the dead have any honor in this world!
Im out of marksdwarves....want to be the next Armok worshiping Tax Collector (I kill all others)?
Post by: MrGimp on January 26, 2010, 10:06:07 pm
Aw, couldn't you have put me fully armed and armored in masterwork addy against it?
Actually, Lord Akigagak Citylancers, the Romantic Flayer happened to get credit for the kill.
The Beast of Microcline earned a name before it died. It was Spinmountains, the Winter of Halls. It's pretty fitting, since he died in a hall.
Post by: The Architect on January 26, 2010, 10:09:39 pm
Post by: Akigagak on January 26, 2010, 10:11:13 pm
Aw, couldn't you have put me fully armed and armored in masterwork addy against it?
Actually, Lord Akigagak Citylancers, the Romantic Flayer happened to get credit for the kill.
The Beast of Microcline earned a name before it died. It was Spinmountains, the Winter of Halls. It's pretty fitting, since he died in a hall.
Excellent. No beast of microcline can best the Lord of Bondage.
Post by: MrGimp on January 26, 2010, 10:14:14 pm
Read and enjoyed. Got my ire up with the out-of-place heresy, but whatever it's your thread. Good story.
If you didn't have less than 50 dwarves and dozens of forum readers clamoring for incarnations I might ask for someone. As it is, I'll leave it to your discretion whether you need another participant to keep track of.
New dwarves are allowed, I dont have any military dwarves available though. I dont seem to get any migrants ever either. I've even abandoned and started new fortresses, and they get migrants...so its not broken. I guess once your fortress has seen nearly 400 deaths, people just dont wanna live there anymore. You can be one of the craftsdwarves or woodcutters or something.
Post by: MrGimp on January 26, 2010, 10:14:47 pm
Pardon me for asking the obvious question, no doubt on every reader's mind: in what season?
Summer....but it was still the winter of his life in that hall.
Post by: The Architect on January 26, 2010, 10:15:26 pm
Post by: MrGimp on January 26, 2010, 10:26:42 pm
But yeah I cant follow every single dwarf...especially these days. And I cant guarantee every dwarf will have something interesting happen to them before they die....especially if you get a dwarf now. The story may end as soon as Toady releases the next version that will be incompatible with the save. I had originally planned for Urist to have given birth before I ended the story....but even with dwarf companion and tweak I cannot get her pregnant. I'm impotent. :'(
So....I'm probably going to just try to finish the pyramid, the walls, and the underground stuff for adventure mode, then end the story some way. It'll still probably take 10 dwarf years. But yeah....the end is nigh...
Post by: Eagle on January 26, 2010, 10:27:20 pm
Post by: MrGimp on January 26, 2010, 11:13:09 pm
Eagle update please? :]
The life of a hermit is not one of action and adventure. You spend most of your time watching the Tower Caps grow. When 5 or 6 have reached maturity, you chop them down, make charcoal out of them, then smelt limonite. You've been doing that for a while now.
Very recently (as in, just a few minutes ago) you have taken up a new routine. You will now chop tower caps, then make charcoal, then smelt iron spears. You're making a lever activated spike repeater for impregnable hermit cave defense!
Post by: Eagle on January 27, 2010, 01:18:28 am
EDIT: actually, looking at the old map, theres enough space in that mountain for a decent sized fort.
Post by: Cheddarius on January 27, 2010, 02:14:38 am
Post by: Ze Spy on January 27, 2010, 03:19:51 am
You could always occupy Eagle by modding in a reaction to produce 1000 adamantine wafers from any stone, and then having him craft an army of statues to line a massive, trap-filled hallway...
WHAT
THE
FUCK?
Post by: Khamero on January 27, 2010, 03:21:26 am
Post by: Cheddarius on January 27, 2010, 11:26:28 am
Post by: MrGimp on January 29, 2010, 02:08:32 pm
Calm settled back into the fortress. The Queen wondered why Armok would send a monster to tear through her fortress...but at least several people had died. That was always a good thing.
And the deaths marked yet another year in Blockedlance...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1264570244.jpg)
It was Spring 241 now. Our butcher has been dead for many years now, and the horses are starting to breed out of control. Soon they will outnumber their stout dwarven masters, and tower over them like neighing hay-eating beasts.
Post by: Moose Fisher on January 29, 2010, 02:54:42 pm
Post by: The Architect on January 29, 2010, 04:17:00 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on January 29, 2010, 09:10:35 pm
when is the next one coming?
Post by: addictgamer on January 30, 2010, 01:39:40 am
Post by: Khamero on January 30, 2010, 03:41:18 am
Post by: Ze Spy on February 01, 2010, 07:48:18 am
bonus points if you know what i sayin'
Post by: filiusenox on February 01, 2010, 12:05:07 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on February 02, 2010, 01:03:51 am
--------------------------------------------
bonk
and hey , WHY HAZENT THIS THREED UPDATAD?
Post by: Akigagak on February 02, 2010, 08:37:28 am
Post by: Ze Spy on February 05, 2010, 03:38:52 am
Post by: Cheddarius on February 05, 2010, 10:02:11 am
Post by: HAMMERMILL on February 07, 2010, 10:34:47 pm
Not 1000 dead dwarves, but I've been following Mr. Gimp's story here since when eh, page 17 was posted I guess.
It'd suck if he died in a car accident or something. He's an excellent writer.
Post by: gumball135 on February 08, 2010, 03:19:01 pm
It'd suck if he died in a car accident or something.
Wow. That was... Morbid :D
Anyways, I finally got through the story. BRILLIANT! I laughed the whole way through, from the bearded sith lord pictures of Urist, to the trickery of Mogror, to the Quarcaine drug dealing.
Just brilliant :) Mind if I have a dwarf? Anyone will do.
Post by: CuteEmoBoyx on February 13, 2010, 10:42:24 pm
Post by: The Architect on February 13, 2010, 10:59:06 pm
Post by: Khamero on February 14, 2010, 02:22:35 am
Thats what I keep telling myself anyhow...
Post by: CuteEmoBoyx on February 14, 2010, 08:04:20 am
Post by: Ze Spy on February 17, 2010, 07:17:58 am
COMPUTER ERRO- wait , no , i mean someone just threw a wench into the plans of gimp , i bet his fortress got hit by elven fireballs , or hes writing it right now
Post by: Huesoo on February 17, 2010, 10:51:39 am
Post by: Calibur on February 17, 2010, 02:46:48 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 20, 2010, 03:32:13 pm
Chapter #12 - Chapter of Belated Updates
"Gee this pyramid is taking a long time to build..." though the Queen to herself as she stared at the massive hollow edifice. It was almost as if the pyramid was hanging their, suspended in space time. In fact...now that she though of it...she hadnt really been doing much lately but sit in her throne room. Time seemed to just drag on.
Hmmph...oh well.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1264570244.jpg)
On with 241.
The year dragged on forever and a day. It took months for anything to get done on the pyramid. The Stonecutters had to repeatedly go down below and mine more dolomite. The stone stockpiles were growing mighty sparse. It was an amazing achievement...never before seen by any fortress in Sil Gomath. These dwarves were actually running out of stone.
In her frustration and her ADHD, Queen Urist shifted the attention of the Stonecutters towards building a great outer wall for the temple. The palisade wall had long been torn down and a ditch for a moat had been dug. Now the masons stacked diorite along the inner edges of the empty moat.
In their labors, Queen Urist accidentally worked one of the dwarves to death.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266696922.jpg)
Bah! He was just some nameless heathen. It was odd though. The Queen was absolutely bewildered how a dwarf could die of thirst here in a fortress flowing with running rivers, several wells, many murky pools, and storerooms overflowing with all kinds of booze.
Investigative teams were organized to figure out if poor old Asob had gotten ledged up or boxed in somewhere. But after months of fruitless searching, and with no obvious miasma clouds, Urist shrugged and figured he had been buried.
Post by: MrGimp on February 20, 2010, 03:38:45 pm
Poor Asob had died, but Winston had to carry on. He chiseled Asob's name off the big stone tablet of life, turning him into an unperson.
"Goodbye Asob. You were a good hauler, and a good friend. I learned a lot from you..."
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266696931.jpg)
With that, Winston turned and headed back to his stone hauling.
Post by: Cheddarius on February 20, 2010, 03:41:25 pm
Post by: gumball135 on February 20, 2010, 03:44:03 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 20, 2010, 03:46:00 pm
Her lover the Duke had taken a shining towards Billon. He kept demanding Billon crafts and goblets.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266696924.jpg)
Urist kinda felt she had spoiled this bastard plenty. Afterall, what more did he deserve if he wasnt going to produce an heir for her? Oh well...she ordered the billon goblets anyways. It was a nice change of pace from the fine pewter goblets the Grand Duchess always demanded.
At the end of the year, with still no baby in her belly, and no cap to the pyramid, Urist reinvigorated herself by ordering a clear cutting of the entire surface level of the fortress. It had been years since the last good clear cut...and it was mighty overdue.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266696927.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on February 20, 2010, 04:07:26 pm
It'd suck if he died in a car accident or something.
Wow. That was... Morbid :D
Anyways, I finally got through the story. BRILLIANT! I laughed the whole way through, from the bearded sith lord pictures of Urist, to the trickery of Mogror, to the Quarcaine drug dealing.
Just brilliant :) Mind if I have a dwarf? Anyone will do.
Luckily I have not died, from a car crash or any other form of death.
Yes you may have a dwarf. I have a couple nobles open. Want to be one of the Grand Duchess' daughters?
Post by: MrGimp on February 20, 2010, 04:08:53 pm
Hi Grim just wondering if i could have a dwarf also great story. ^.^ ill give the info of my characters if u let me have one ^.^
Sure you can have a dwarf. I cant really fulfill any zany plot schemes though.
Post by: Chaoseed on February 20, 2010, 04:33:04 pm
Post by: gumball135 on February 20, 2010, 04:49:07 pm
It'd suck if he died in a car accident or something.
Wow. That was... Morbid :D
Anyways, I finally got through the story. BRILLIANT! I laughed the whole way through, from the bearded sith lord pictures of Urist, to the trickery of Mogror, to the Quarcaine drug dealing.
Just brilliant :) Mind if I have a dwarf? Anyone will do.
Luckily I have not died, from a car crash or any other form of death.
Yes you may have a dwarf. I have a couple nobles open. Want to be one of the Grand Duchess' daughters?
Sure. Call her ''Jewelettarette''
Post by: Soviet Travolta on February 20, 2010, 05:33:22 pm
Quote from: Wikipedia
The use of billon coins dates from ancient Greece through the Middle Ages . During 6th and 5th century BC, some cities on Lesbos island used coins made of 60% copper and 40% silver. In both ancient times and the Middle Ages, leaner mixtures were adopted, with less than 2% silver content.
Don't tell the Queen, but i'm trying to build a portal to teleport myself to Lesbos Island. I cannot spend another night in this Armok cursed bed.
Post by: MrGimp on February 20, 2010, 08:02:14 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266713516.jpg)
The pyramid has now completely stalled. Mogror Harbett is beside himself with grief over not being able to complete his grand masterpiece. He continues to petition the Queen for more dolomite, but every time some dolomite is mined out, it gets used up instantly and the pyramid is not even an inch taller.
Work has begun on mining out the Dwarven Valhalla Cave. This will certainly yield lots of diorite (and gold) which will help the construction of the outer wall, but will do nothing for the pyramid.
Our last Orthoclase has been turned into crafts and mechanisms. All thats left now is some talc and mounds of microcline. Our craftsdwarf turns his skills upon the microcline as the talc is laid onto the floors of the temple bedrooms. Operation No More Stone is a stunning success.
Our heathen Tax Collector has made several demands lately and has of course been ignored. Now he throws a tantrums and ruins the road in our courtyard.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266713517.jpg)
Lord Akigagak has been dispatched to the courtyard n case the tax collector goes berserk.
In other news...
Eagle has expanded his cave. In a moment of brilliance he realized that a vein of lignite ran above his tower cap farm. He carved up and into the lignite, and began smelting it into coke. This would be much faster than turning tower caps into charcoal!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266713515.jpg)
Post by: Eagle on February 20, 2010, 08:31:07 pm
Post by: Cheddarius on February 20, 2010, 08:45:13 pm
Post by: CuteEmoBoyx on February 20, 2010, 08:50:34 pm
Hi Grim just wondering if i could have a dwarf also great story. ^.^ ill give the info of my characters if u let me have one ^.^
Sure you can have a dwarf. I cant really fulfill any zany plot schemes though.
Ok well heres the info hehe. Also whats a zany plot?
Name: Reaper
Gender: Male or Female doesn't matter Male more though. ^.^
Profession: Record Keeper if possible witch u wont kill and if not any other profession just not in the military
Desc: He or She is dressed in a riped Black Robe with hood with chains dragging from it also He or She is Beardless. (i know u can't have that in dwarf fortress but u can pretend ^.^ )
Also He or She only works for the person with the most money and also acts mysterious and also is a thief whos acts nicely around nobles. ^.^
Post by: MrGimp on February 20, 2010, 10:44:36 pm
whats a zany plot?
This.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I made you Reaper the Beardless, Armok worshipping daughter of the Grand Duchess and Record Keeper (Hoard Master) of Blockedlance.
Post by: Cheddarius on February 20, 2010, 10:58:08 pm
I have no words for this situation. No words at all.
Post by: MrGimp on February 21, 2010, 12:23:00 am
When he ran to his new room to see it, he promptly received a spike to the face and fell dead.
It wouldn't have been so bad except that I was distracted, and didn't tell anyone to stop pulling the lever. The tax collector had been wearing silk, and other dwarves sought it feverishly. It was the ruin of both Mogror Harbett and the craftsdwarf that had made the Queen's artifact adamantine mug.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266724117.jpg)
The wounded dwarves ran to the nearest beds. Mogror left a trail of blood behind him as he dragged himself about. Both dwarves are horribly wounded from the spikes...but it seems they will live to tell the tale.
Post by: CuteEmoBoyx on February 21, 2010, 08:12:20 am
whats a zany plot?
This.Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I made you Reaper the Beardless, Armok worshipping daughter of the Grand Duchess and Record Keeper (Hoard Master) of Blockedlance.
Ty mr Grimp ^.^
Post by: MrGimp on February 21, 2010, 01:00:28 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 21, 2010, 01:03:34 pm
Hey Cheddarius and Xanthius, you guys still wanted a guy right? (since your last guys died so qucikly)
I have no more military dwarves but there are two Armok worshipping dwarves I will give you first dibs on. They will be making their appearance in the story shortly. Give me a name and Ill give you a dude.
Post by: MrGimp on February 21, 2010, 01:05:33 pm
Huesootwo?
Huesootoo?
Hoosootoo?
Post by: Cheddarius on February 21, 2010, 01:09:33 pm
Post by: Huesoo on February 21, 2010, 01:31:15 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 21, 2010, 02:05:36 pm
Huesoodos!
Huesoodos, el Hammerero Grande Mal!!!
Post by: MrGimp on February 21, 2010, 02:06:18 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 21, 2010, 02:11:40 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266779343.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on February 21, 2010, 02:22:49 pm
Chapter #13 - Blockedlance: The Next Generation
Oh my god!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266779545.jpg)
You wont believe it! I still dont believe it! But its true! An Armok worshipping child has been born in our fortress!!!!
:o ;D :P :D ;D :o 8) :)
Who are the lovely parents you might ask? Well, the father is the (reformed) heathen Stonecutter Khamero, and the mother is Jewelettarette, the Grand-Duchess' daughter!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266779546.jpg)
I don't know whether to be disappointed or proud that the next generation of Armok worshipers is going to be half-blood pagan barbarians...but I'm too happy to care!
NEW DWARVES!!!!
Heh...I didn't even see these two get married. But take a look at this family tree will ya?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266779544.jpg)
Half this baby's aunts and uncles got slaughtered in the temple while they were still children.
The child was named Urdim. But then, in a fit of changey-mindeyness, Jewelettarette changed the baby's name to Airag. Long live Airag!!! If the Grand Duchess and the Duke die right now, Airag would inherit both their titles (assuming medieval European style semi-salic primogeniture inheritance laws).
Post by: Cheddarius on February 21, 2010, 02:38:57 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on February 21, 2010, 03:13:20 pm
Right?
;)
Post by: CuteEmoBoyx on February 21, 2010, 03:16:04 pm
And, almost "ironically," they both die.
Right?
;)
Ironically Lol! but u know what would be more hilarious if it would really happen
Post by: Calibur on February 21, 2010, 08:00:53 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 21, 2010, 09:08:44 pm
I forgot to ask, if there's any dwarf...no matter how minor, I can has dorf?
Yeah what do you wanna name him?
Post by: Calibur on February 21, 2010, 09:10:18 pm
I forgot to ask, if there's any dwarf...no matter how minor, I can has dorf?
Yeah what do you wanna name him?
Ah yeah, names. I always forget those things. Call him Calibur, or Kali. Either's good.
An Armok-worshipping sibling now pushed out the womb eh? At least there's someone to take over the (very bloodied) reins...
Post by: MrGimp on February 21, 2010, 09:21:41 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266804963.jpg)
The fortress was in a stir upon the birth of the new baby. Some of the ignorant savage peasants thought that the Queen hated babies, and would soon have this one impaled. They didn't realize that the Queen loved babies, she just hated their babies.
Jewelettarette's younger sister went nuts after she realized that this would put any potential children of hers back in the line of inheritance. She became so stressed out that her beard fell out. Now everyone calls her Reaper the Beardless.
Both the Queen and the Duke eyed the new baby with some suspicion however. This child might potentially be motivated to kill the Queen and the Duke and take over when he is older. Only the birth of a royal heir could forestall this threat. The Queen wanted to get to humpin. But the Duke was so distant these days...
Post by: CuteEmoBoyx on February 21, 2010, 09:29:57 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 21, 2010, 09:31:12 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266804964.jpg)
She also had more additions carved out in her lower level river garden, including a nice alcove behind the waterfall that her and the Duke could sit at and get wet (pun intended).
But alas, there was still no baby....except for that damn Jewelettarette, who kept rubbing her fertility in the Queen's face.
ANOTHER BABY!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266804967.jpg)
Look at this spoiled bastard! Just born and already worth 2950 copper coins in wealth. Its good to be born a noble.
Post by: Moose Fisher on February 21, 2010, 10:05:35 pm
-snnffffffff-
Post by: Ze Spy on February 22, 2010, 06:16:51 am
its about time you said something about my dwarf , geez , have you forgotten him/her?
Post by: Akigagak on February 22, 2010, 06:40:05 am
Post by: Innominate on February 22, 2010, 06:42:10 am
Maybe you should try being less rude.Craziness, that would never work!
Post by: Ze Spy on February 23, 2010, 01:38:40 am
you are at the hell route if you are crazy and rude(at least on DF and its fourm)
i am not rude anyway
Post by: Christes on February 23, 2010, 02:54:30 am
Post by: Ze Spy on February 23, 2010, 06:42:54 am
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 11:08:47 am
I just got caught up on this thread again. Glad to see I'm still chillin'
Yeah I got a plan for your dwarf, but I dont know if Ill get to it before the end of the story. So you'll probably just get stuck in limbo forever. :D
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 11:26:10 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266942158.jpg)
We started the year off right by ending that tax collectors stupid mandate for stupid things.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266942159.jpg)
Then we unloaded our pagan hammerer as well!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266942159-1.jpg)
These new trap rooms are great, now that I worked out the kinks in not getting other dwarves impaled. It's a LOT less time consuming than the starvation rooms I used to herd the tax collectors and hammerers into. It's also a lot more entertaining.
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 11:39:55 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266942510.jpg)
The cries of infants echo down the halls for the first time in decades. Yet for the Queen, it is not unpleasant. These children will be the stock of a new dwarven race....provided she secures an heir of course. Otherwise, these spoiled brats will off her in a second once their older.
Oh well...no time to worry about such things. A Woodworker has gone fey!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266942510-1.jpg)
Unfortunately, he required shell. And since we havent traded with outsiders in several years, we dont have any shell at all. Lord Akigagak was sent to do the honors.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266942511.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 11:47:22 am
Spring 245
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266943271.jpg)
We're nearing 15,000,000 dwarfbucks in wealth. We're slowly running out of booze. We had 8000 units not too long ago. Now we have only 6141. Apparently one novice brewer is not enough for 49 dwarves.
Or should I say 50?
Yes, although the recent fey mood and berserk suicide charge brought us down to 49 dwarves, the lovely and fertile Jewelettarette has plopped out another baby boy!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266943271-1.jpg)
That makes four Armok worshipping toddlers! Woo!
Post by: The Architect on February 23, 2010, 12:01:20 pm
Post by: gumball135 on February 23, 2010, 12:06:19 pm
What are your 'end' conditions for the story? I mean, apart from the next version being released.
Post by: The Architect on February 23, 2010, 12:08:46 pm
Post by: Huesoo on February 23, 2010, 12:11:53 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 12:47:34 pm
Airag is the eldest.
I'll give Xanthius the second one even though he hasnt posted. Ill name the second eldext son Xanthius 2.0!
Calibur is the third eldest.
And the last will be the architect. I'll name him Imhotep, after the original architect!
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 12:55:57 pm
Good to see my gal is doing her duty.
What are your 'end' conditions for the story? I mean, apart from the next version being released.
Well I had many hopes for where I'd be by the end. But as far as the bare minimum acceptable end conditions, I really just need to finish (start) the adventure maze and traps for some adventure mode fun. Then I need to build a tomb and kill Urist.
If the story could last till 274 the queen would have a chance of dying naturally. By 304 she would be guaranteed death.
She'll probably have to die long before then though.
One of Jewelettarette's kids will probably off her and proclaim themselves Caesar. Or maybe Jewelettarette;s older sisters will have a kid and they'll off the Queen? I made a mistake earlier, Reaper the Beardless isn't Jewelettarette's younger sister, shes older. So if Reaper has a kid she can still pawn that kid off as a legitimate heir. Or Reaper's other two sisters can do the same thing. Jewlettarette is the youngest, so her position and the position of her offspring is still precarious.
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 12:56:46 pm
Maybe he makes humans and elf super strong, saying that there tired of his crazy dwarf shit and they send there best units.
Even an army of the strongest units I can edit in would not be strong enough!
Post by: The Architect on February 23, 2010, 01:35:41 pm
Or something like that. I was thinking: with the current state of your military, wouldn't 50+ superhumans be enough? It may take more than one siege, but with speed and size modded I would expect them to roll through the fort.
Post by: Huesoo on February 23, 2010, 01:41:55 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
would be able to take out their forces, but in all seriousness how do you think youll be able to kill her?
Post by: Calibur on February 23, 2010, 01:46:31 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 03:11:20 pm
Imhotep rises again!
Or something like that. I was thinking: with the current state of your military, wouldn't 50+ superhumans be enough? It may take more than one siege, but with speed and size modded I would expect them to roll through the fort.
Dont let numbers fool you. Those eleven military dwarves I have could each singlehandedly lay waste to entire civilizations. I bet that Lord Akigagak could lay waste to an entire world. These dwarves dont even fear marksmen. They are too agile and too quick with their shields. The only reason I stopped the gobbos and elves from sieging was to stop cluttering the fortress and running the FPS down to zero.
All enemy units do is add experience points to my troops making them even more uber.
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 03:12:52 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
would be able to take out their forces, but in all seriousness how do you think youll be able to kill her?
I dont know....
We'll find out together! ;D
Post by: Akigagak on February 23, 2010, 03:15:54 pm
Is my dwarfs kills in the thousands after all this time?
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 03:21:30 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1266956120.jpg)
Also, I uploaded a map of the entire fortress as of Late Spring to the Map Archive. I havent updated the points of interest from the 234 map to the 245 map, but its basically the same.
The Dwarven Valhalla Cave has been expanded, but is still in it's early days.
http://mkv25.net/dfma/map-8102-blockedlance (http://mkv25.net/dfma/map-8102-blockedlance)
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 03:21:56 pm
Didn't the fireball elves cause some casualties? If so, it was probably by burning the entire forest down, but didn't they manage to kill a named dwarf?
Is my dwarfs kills in the thousands after all this time?
Nah just the hundreds.
Post by: CuteEmoBoyx on February 23, 2010, 05:35:37 pm
One of Jewelettarette's kids will probably off her and proclaim themselves Caesar. Or maybe Jewelettarette;s older sisters will have a kid and they'll off the Queen? I made a mistake earlier, Reaper the Beardless isn't Jewelettarette's younger sister, shes older. So if Reaper has a kid she can still pawn that kid off as a legitimate heir. Or Reaper's other two sisters can do the same thing. Jewlettarette is the youngest, so her position and the position of her offspring is still precarious.
Im all mixed in the sister thing now Lol ^.^
Post by: Moose Fisher on February 23, 2010, 07:15:00 pm
Dwarven Husband 0/1
I want in on the baby competition.
Post by: CuteEmoBoyx on February 23, 2010, 07:30:11 pm
Moose orders a mandate!
Dwarven Husband 0/1
I want in on the baby competition.
your always talking in the third person why?
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 09:49:19 pm
One of Jewelettarette's kids will probably off her and proclaim themselves Caesar. Or maybe Jewelettarette;s older sisters will have a kid and they'll off the Queen? I made a mistake earlier, Reaper the Beardless isn't Jewelettarette's younger sister, shes older. So if Reaper has a kid she can still pawn that kid off as a legitimate heir. Or Reaper's other two sisters can do the same thing. Jewlettarette is the youngest, so her position and the position of her offspring is still precarious.
Im all mixed in the sister thing now Lol ^.^
Jewelettarette is the youngest. Reaper the Beardless is next eldest. Then theres and unnamed dwarf. Then Moose is the oldest.
Post by: MrGimp on February 23, 2010, 09:52:56 pm
Moose orders a mandate!
Dwarven Husband 0/1
I want in on the baby competition.
You have shared a room with Baron von Montague for many years now. But no nookie.
Reaper the Beardless had originally been given to Mogror as a pleasure slave, but I guess he's bored with her, too.
Relationships just dont become very permanent here at this fortress. It's a very liberal bunch of dwarves. And very picky.
Post by: Ze Spy on February 24, 2010, 12:25:48 am
i think i issue a mandate :
murder gobs : 0/100
nah , just kidding , but , i prefer my dwarf the title : "The Loner Wolf" , explanation can be found on the name
Post by: CuteEmoBoyx on February 24, 2010, 05:34:39 am
You have shared a room with Baron von Montague for many years now. But no nookie.
Reaper the Beardless had originally been given to Mogror as a pleasure slave, but I guess he's bored with her, too.
Relationships just dont become very permanent here at this fortress. It's a very liberal bunch of dwarves. And very picky.
A pleasure Slave LOL. Reaper is a prostitute looks like! O.o
Post by: Soviet Travolta on February 24, 2010, 07:25:45 am
Of all the dwarves who lived in this hell hole, i had to pick the impotent one.
Yes, i could blame it on the Queen, but you know i won't!
I go back working on my Billon Portal to Lesbos Island.
Post by: Innominate on February 24, 2010, 06:57:05 pm
All those births make me realize...You know, I reckon living in Blockedlance would probably put a severe strain on your potence anyway. Also, it's possible that your lance has been, well, blocked.
Of all the dwarves who lived in this hell hole, i had to pick the impotent one.
Yes, i could blame it on the Queen, but you know i won't!
I go back working on my Billon Portal to Lesbos Island.
You have many possibilities for Blocked lances:
- All the blood and gore has made you unable to 'joust'
- Your partner sacrificed their ovaries to Armok
- You need to be covered in blood and vomit to even think about copulation
- Chronic abuse of alcohol, rat weed and quarcaine
Really, it's a wonder anybody has children in this fortress.
Post by: gumball135 on February 26, 2010, 06:48:49 pm
All those births make me realize...You know, I reckon living in Blockedlance would probably put a severe strain on your potence anyway. Also, it's possible that your lance has been, well, blocked.
Of all the dwarves who lived in this hell hole, i had to pick the impotent one.
Yes, i could blame it on the Queen, but you know i won't!
I go back working on my Billon Portal to Lesbos Island.
You have many possibilities for Blocked lances:
- All the blood and gore has made you unable to 'joust'
- Your partner sacrificed their ovaries to Armok
- You need to be covered in blood and vomit to even think about copulation
- Chronic abuse of alcohol, rat weed and quarcaine
Really, it's a wonder anybody has children in this fortress.
That's why Jewelettarette (did I even spell that right?) is the only dwarf woman (dwoman?) to give birth so far; she has no morals. Also, she's a Quarchead like the rest of the Countess's daughters.
Post by: Moose Fisher on February 27, 2010, 05:03:43 am
All those births make me realize...You know, I reckon living in Blockedlance would probably put a severe strain on your potence anyway. Also, it's possible that your lance has been, well, blocked.
Of all the dwarves who lived in this hell hole, i had to pick the impotent one.
Yes, i could blame it on the Queen, but you know i won't!
I go back working on my Billon Portal to Lesbos Island.
You have many possibilities for Blocked lances:
- All the blood and gore has made you unable to 'joust'
- Your partner sacrificed their ovaries to Armok
- You need to be covered in blood and vomit to even think about copulation
- Chronic abuse of alcohol, rat weed and quarcaine
Really, it's a wonder anybody has children in this fortress.
That's why Jewelettarette (did I even spell that right?) is the only dwarf woman (dwoman?) to give birth so far; she has no morals. Also, she's a Quarchead like the rest of the Countess's daughters.
She's obviously not enough of a Quarchead if her children are surviving.
Perhaps we should force the nobility to go cold turkey with some male attendants?
Post by: Ze Spy on February 27, 2010, 06:55:00 pm
i bet they can roll through the fortress , lets wait and see(LOL JOKE LOL)
anyways , any plans to ......err , something?
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2010, 10:28:50 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267370715.jpg)
It was completely dull and pointless. And worth only 4800 copper coins. What a complete waste of Kulaka's time. He could have been baptizing the babies in horse blood....but NOOOOO....he's gotta carve a totally plain gemstone.
And then he frikkin became legendary for it.
Go figure.
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2010, 10:34:46 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267370959.jpg)
Never thought I'd get this far. 246. That's forty six years since the founding, and forty two years since Urist arrived to kill the demons. This is by far my longest fort. Probably too long really...but what are you gonna do?
Anyways, spring greets us with the usual gift of a small Armok worshipping boy. We thank Armok for his awesomeness.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267370960.jpg)
And this little baby Dobar has inherited a vast fortune already. He could probably outfit his own expedition and fund it all by himself. I don't know where he got the ten grand, or why the youngest child inherited more than the other three older siblings....but hey. Dwarves are not meant to be understood....only tortured and spoiled in an alternating bipolar fashion.
Oh....and we got ANOTHER fey mood this season. With ANOTHER woodcutter/carpenter who is now dead from want of shell. Now we have no woodcutters or carpenters in the fortress....which really sucks because I just ordered the second floor of the outer wall to be made of wood (not the walls but the floor inside the wall). So I have to make someone else a carpenter and have shitty stupid novices building my floors all slow. Bah!
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2010, 01:34:55 pm
Ah...but things were not to get better. For he was to go insane.
I think this picture below is worth a thousand words. I t is DF in a nutshell.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267381664.jpg)
Lord Akigagak again did the honors, and Romantically Flayed the dwarf to death.
In winter though, even more horrifying events occurred...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267381665.jpg)
Upon hearing the news of the potential future Grand-Duke's strange mood swing, the Queen was heard to shout aloud, "Why must we dwarves have to live in fear of our loved ones going insane?!"
Only time would tell what Airag's fate would be...
Post by: Huesoo on February 28, 2010, 01:59:06 pm
Post by: Steev on February 28, 2010, 05:52:34 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2010, 05:53:24 pm
Is the Dungeon master taken?
Yep.
Theres a daughter of the Grand Duchess left. And now a boy and girl baby grandaughter of the Grand Duchess. And one of these days Im gonna come across an Armok worshiping Hammerer and Tax Collector damnit!
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2010, 05:54:33 pm
What ever happened to the Spirit of Fire you had locked up?
I tried to trap it. It didnt work. So I ended up killing it.
I miss that little bastard. :'(
Post by: Plank of Wood on February 28, 2010, 06:08:06 pm
Blockedlance, shine on, you crazy diamond.
Also, does Winston still live? Has he managed to overthrow
Post by: nil on February 28, 2010, 06:09:25 pm
Or if you have anyone else already named Nil, that would do.
Post by: Cheddarius on February 28, 2010, 10:26:30 pm
Do you know yet if I'm demanding shell or something and must be put down?
Post by: Akigagak on February 28, 2010, 10:40:17 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2010, 10:41:40 pm
Also, does Winston still live? Has he managed to overthrowBig BrotQueen Urist yet?
Winston lives only to serve Big Sister. He is building a pyramid and a wall for Big Sister. Once that is done, he will be useless again, and will probably be disposed of by Big Sister.
yo I'll take one of the kiddies
Or if you have anyone else already named Nil, that would do.
Okay I named Jewelettarette's youngest male Nil.
AWESOME.
Do you know yet if I'm demanding shell or something and must be put down?
Patience...
Post by: Cheddarius on February 28, 2010, 10:44:30 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2010, 10:52:11 pm
"Bloody Armok!" cried Urist. "How many is that now? Six? That's like a litter of puppies or something. I bet she doesn't have any bladder control left after that many babies!"
The court had a merry laugh at the Queen's joke. She smiled smuggly and sipped Sunshine from her Adamantine mug, as she sat on her new Adamantine throne flanked by her new Adamantine statues.
"Oh I kid too much!" chuckled the Queen. "Jewelettarette is doing her service to this fortress and to dwarvenkind! All you frigid bitches could learn a lesson or two." The Queen eyed some of the courtiers currently in her throne room. These included he Grand-Duchess' single daughters, as well as the Dungeon Master Petbeard and Baroness Aldaris. All women who had refused to be implanted with dwarven seed.
"Oh well...enough of this!" The Queen wiped the Sunshine from her beard with her forearm. "Mogror, how goes your megaconstructions?"
"My Queen they go fantastically. We had been held up previously for want of Dolomite, and so we had focused on the outer wall. But now we are out of diorite, only to be flush with dolomite from recent storage room excavations. The pyramid has already reached the height of the temple. It should be finished in no time!"
"Excellent Mogror!" The Queen smiled. "You are wise to please me."
"Yes my Queen," said Mogror with a bow. Everyone had to cater to the Queen's ego trip.
And so life continued and Blockedlance....
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2010, 11:09:04 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267415738.jpg)
Life in the death pit continues on.
Airage kept at his craft machinations for the rest of the winter of 246 and well into the spring of 247. He kept wanting to add more things to his masterpiece...and always those items were far far away. He even chose to do it in a far away craftsdwarfshop, the one the Queen had carved for herself under the palace. It was almost as if this snobbish noble kid was claiming the palace for himself already.
Anyways, he made a birchen ring.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267415739.jpg)
It's actually a pretty decent ring. It's worth 174000 bucks. It describes the death of Xen Anguishedharvests. Xen is the subject of a thousands of engravings throughout Blockedlance. His exploits against the giant eagles of the mountains north of here are legend in these parts. I dont recall Urist engraving his death before. She probably did somewhere....but I dont remember it. I only remember Xen smashing and tearing apart giant eagle after giant eagle.
Xen Anguishedharvests is Urist's favorite local folk hero. This ring commemorates his death. It also has Queen Cog on it.
When confronted with the ring, the Queen asked if he was trying to be a wise guy by putting the old Queen on there. The six year old future Grand Duke just shrugged and giggled, then ran off to go play.
Damn kids!
Post by: MrGimp on February 28, 2010, 11:13:32 pm
In the Fall, an amazing event occurred. The pyramid has been under construction for roughly a decade. And now, the final stones have been placed!
Behold, the Pyramid of Urist!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267415744.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267415740.jpg)
Post by: Cheddarius on February 28, 2010, 11:23:30 pm
Truly 'tis a structure fit for queens.
Post by: Moose Fisher on February 28, 2010, 11:26:07 pm
Being high off of quarcain makes it all the more magnificent.
I really like the use of ramps there, Mr. Gimp. I didn't expect it to have such a smooth look.
since it's made of ramps, can we climb up it?
Post by: Akigagak on February 28, 2010, 11:30:34 pm
Nevermind, nice pyramid. But no cap made of a precious metal?
Post by: Ze Spy on March 01, 2010, 05:22:15 am
*Ze Spy has been killed : didn't see blockedlance's rocket coming*
anyways , COVER THE PYRA!@#!$@!# IN BLOOD
Post by: Huesoo on March 01, 2010, 07:50:38 am
Is the Dungeon master taken?
Yep.
Theres a daughter of the Grand Duchess left. And now a boy and girl baby grandaughter of the Grand Duchess. And one of these days Im gonna come across an Armok worshiping Hammerer and Tax Collector damnit!
Damn I wanted to have him! I was going to name him JosefFritzel.
Post by: derekiv on March 01, 2010, 08:46:07 am
Post by: Akigagak on March 01, 2010, 08:54:38 am
Is the Dungeon master taken?
Yep.
Theres a daughter of the Grand Duchess left. And now a boy and girl baby grandaughter of the Grand Duchess. And one of these days Im gonna come across an Armok worshiping Hammerer and Tax Collector damnit!
Damn I wanted to have him! I was going to name him JosefFritzel.
How many times, Huesoo, rape is not funny.
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2010, 09:42:46 am
since it's made of ramps, can we climb up it?
You better climb it! The pyramid is going to be the only entrance to the adventure mode fun stuff!
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2010, 09:43:16 am
If possible, could I get a dwarf?
Sure, what do you want to name him?
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2010, 10:18:01 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267456292.jpg)
Before winter of 247 was over, Jewelettarette had given birth to another child. That was seven children now. I am quite pleased. Now if only these other hags would spread their legs, we could kill all these heathens and have a pure Armok worshiping fortress!
Anyhoo...248 has arrived, and with it, we have received a new Hammerer and Tax Collector. Where they come from, I know not, but I was actually happy to see them this time. You see, the Tax Collector apparently worships Armok!
The Hammerer, however, did not, and was promptly impaled on spikes.
That was really the only exciting news of 248. The traders came, and brought us some shell. That was double plus good! Jewelettarette didnt have a kid this year - which was double minus bad - but I guess I can forgive her since she plopped out two kids last year.
Post by: derekiv on March 01, 2010, 10:52:34 am
Thanks. If possible could he be a military dwarf & male? Preferably swordsdwarf.
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2010, 11:05:31 am
Derek
Thanks. If possible could he be a military dwarf & male? Preferably swordsdwarf.
Theres only two unnamed military dwarves. Ones been in a coma for thirty years, the other is stuck in some glitch like state and cannot move (also for about thirty years).
But you can be one of Jewelettaretts kids.
Post by: The Architect on March 01, 2010, 11:12:07 am
the other is stuck in some glitch like state and cannot move (also for about thirty years).Did you ever get Dwarf Companion to function?
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2010, 12:03:18 pm
the other is stuck in some glitch like state and cannot move (also for about thirty years).Did you ever get Dwarf Companion to function?
Yeah but every time I use it it causes horrendous bugs.
Post by: addictgamer on March 01, 2010, 12:17:44 pm
I also forgot his name :o
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2010, 12:47:40 pm
Can I grab the status of my gob smelter? ;)
I also forgot his name :o
Captain Coder has smelted every bit of metal ore in the fortress....errr....except some adamantine of course. But everything else has been smelted. All the gold was turned into statues. The platinum, electrum, aluminum and some steel was turned into tables and thrones and other ornate opulent things. I dont know what you will do now that the metal is running out. Well probably find some more veins soon though.
Post by: Huesoo on March 01, 2010, 12:48:28 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2010, 12:50:09 pm
Its actually doubleungood! Im reading 1984 right now
Really? They really say that in the book?
(I havent read it since high school...but I saw the movie recently)
Post by: addictgamer on March 01, 2010, 12:58:47 pm
Can you start training him as an engineer? (I am addicted to engineers.)
Post by: derekiv on March 01, 2010, 01:14:46 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 01, 2010, 01:45:57 pm
Hehe, ok...
Can you start training him as an engineer? (I am addicted to engineers.)
I dont know how Mogror would feel about that. Sure his assistant Raving Maniacus is dead...but some might say Mogror was behind it in some fashion. I dont think he works well with others. Plus, we have even less engineering work left to do than smelting.
I was just thinking that we smelted all the iron,, but we didnt have dolomite to turn it into steel. So now that the pyramid is done, you gotta go cook us up some steel.
Back in the forges slave! ;D
Post by: addictgamer on March 01, 2010, 01:59:54 pm
Let's just say the captain works.
Alone.
Ok, ya...Makes sense with that.
Maybe have him mine out a secret fortress under the whole fort? Without anyone else being aware of it?
That is, if you feel like and it goes with your story.
Post by: Eagle on March 01, 2010, 05:59:18 pm
Maybe have him mine out a secret fortress under the whole fort? Without anyone else being aware of it?
That is, if you feel like and it goes with your story.
Maybe meet up with Eagle or summat.
Post by: xczxc on March 01, 2010, 10:56:16 pm
Btw, if, before the end, a group of dwarves decides to rise againts queen urist's rule of terror, either to protect a possible heir or to free peasants, count me in in the opposition. If no rebellion is planned give me any dwarf who disagrees with urist internally, but not a tax collector or hammerer (those tend to die really fast) and call him...err...you choose. thanks
Post by: Ze Spy on March 02, 2010, 02:47:45 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2010, 10:07:12 pm
3 days ago I clicked on the first page of this amazing thread and after reading all the 108 pages, i must say this is the best community fortress, and one of the best stories I have ever read!
Btw, if, before the end, a group of dwarves decides to rise againts queen urist's rule of terror, either to protect a possible heir or to free peasants, count me in in the opposition. If no rebellion is planned give me any dwarf who disagrees with urist internally, but not a tax collector or hammerer (those tend to die really fast) and call him...err...you choose. thanks
Sure Ill add you as the next armok worshiping Tax Collector, thaey dont die as quick as the others. An Armok Worshiping Tax Collector just arrived.
Ill name the dwarf xczxc. Thats a good dwarven name!
Post by: MrGimp on March 03, 2010, 10:10:02 pm
As soon as they get their ass in gear Ill update. I promise!
Post by: addictgamer on March 04, 2010, 12:52:01 am
I have a couple updates ready...but photobucket is down or something. I keep uploading the photos, but they dont appear in any of my albums.
As soon as they get their ass in gear Ill update. I promise!
I eagerly await ;)
I'm curious; How is eagle doing?
Post by: xczxc on March 04, 2010, 05:21:06 pm
Quote
Sure Ill add you as the next armok worshiping Tax Collector, thaey dont die as quick as the others. An Armok Worshiping Tax Collector just arrived.
Ill name the dwarf xczxc. Thats a good dwarven name!
Thats perfect thanks
Post by: MrGimp on March 05, 2010, 12:21:44 am
I have a couple updates ready...but photobucket is down or something. I keep uploading the photos, but they dont appear in any of my albums.
As soon as they get their ass in gear Ill update. I promise!
I eagerly await ;)
I'm curious; How is eagle doing?
The last time I played Eagle had just finished smelthing the rest of the limonite. The lignite is all gone. He's back to charcoal power.
Post by: MrGimp on March 05, 2010, 12:24:38 am
Everyone pray to Armok and sacrifice some kittens for me! ;D
Post by: Cheddarius on March 05, 2010, 01:10:12 am
Note: Don't actually do this
Post by: The Architect on March 05, 2010, 01:19:24 am
See, the kittens thing... not too bad imo. I'm not much for animal cruelty, so it had better be instantaneous.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Innominate on March 05, 2010, 03:14:15 am
Step 2: Throw all your dogs in a pit for 12 in-game years.
Step 3 (optional): Assign me one of these dogs, giving it the name "Snookums".
Step 4: Laugh as dogs that have spent 12 years in a motionless pile in a pit have become lightning fast, ultra-tough and ungodly strong because they talked to each other constantly.
Seriously, who needs a military when you have learning, speaking dogs? They breed every year, mature in a year (I think) and don't have pesky requirements like eating, drinking or sleeping. You can chain them at your entrance for constant guarding, or assign them to your woodcutters for guaranteed protection.
Plus, if you have only one animal trainer they will by default have an unstoppable army of Legendary Conversationalist dogs following them at all times.
Post by: Ze Spy on March 05, 2010, 05:32:11 am
even legendary dogs won't survive a total goblin zerg rush
plus , if ranged soldiers arrive , they are pretty much screwed , unless you give em..... dodgy skillz
Post by: MrGimp on March 05, 2010, 12:20:04 pm
Apparently, when the court served my former employer with the summons to court, he threw them away. By not signing the papers he can claim he never knew he had to appear. When the judge looked on the computer she said she saw no proof of service and couldnt hear the case.
What a fuckload of shit.
Obviously this guy has been sued before. Now I have to refile the case. This time, Im not letting this moron court serve him. I'll serve him his papers myself, with a witness and a camera videotaping me.
I'm also adding another 500 bucks onto what Im suing for, for wasting mine and the courts time.
If any of you guys ever find yourself in American small claims court suing some douchebag, remember to SERVE HIM YOURSELF! The court is a bunch of slack-jawed morons. Half the cases were thrown out this morning for this same reason. You think they might have tried again when they didnt hear from him? Or maybe let me know that I needed to go find the guy myself? Is a phone call or email or letter too much to ask? Bloody Armok! Where is dwarven justice when you need it? Fuck getting my money back, just hammer the guy and call it even.
Post by: addictgamer on March 05, 2010, 12:28:43 pm
I have to keep this in mind...
Well, no other comment here.
Post by: filiusenox on March 05, 2010, 06:59:20 pm
Post by: Cheddarius on March 05, 2010, 07:05:25 pm
Post by: Moose Fisher on March 06, 2010, 01:26:35 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 06, 2010, 02:17:07 pm
Moving on, as dwarves do...
Photobucket FINALLY uploaded my pictures. So heres Jewelettarette's family as of 248.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267902784.jpg)
Derek, you're in. Plus Jewelettarette gave birth to another boy. Theres still the daughter open too. Plus the Grand-Duchess still has a daughter open.
Post by: addictgamer on March 06, 2010, 03:05:44 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 06, 2010, 03:33:40 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267906832.jpg)
Its friggin 249 everybody. And we have now passed 15 million dwarfbucks in wealth. The booze stockpile is down to 5000 units, however, and trouble looms on the horizon.
The arrival of spring brings us another hammerer and tax collector. Unfortunately, the pagan hammerer has to be struck down. But the tax collector is a worshiper of Ber Delerber Atir Shin (Armok) and comes from a dwarven empire far to the north; the land of the Jade Irons.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267906833.jpg)
Her name is xczxc. It is a strange dialect of dwarvish that these people of the Jade Irons speak. Her accent is almost unintelligible, and she annoys the established nobility of Blockedlance by questioning their bloodline, and questioning their worthiness for such palatial rooms. Urist is annoyed with her from the beginning, but it was rare to receive Armok worshiping nobility, so she did not immediately have xczxc put to death.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267906834.jpg)
Instead, Queen Urist spent the year down in her new nook beneath the waterfall, where her and the Duke spent their days frolicking in the mist, dining on platinum tables and golden thrones, basking in the glow of adamantine statues of Urist's human hero Xen.
Still no commitment of marriage and children from the Duke. The Queen is growing disgusted with men.
Meanwhile...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267906840.jpg)
The other dwarves have put together the new nobles' rooms. They have lined the side of the future magma moat with clear glass, so that nobles can one day view the awesomeness of magma anytime they wished. We also added the same magma viewports in the temple chapel, right behind the artifact turtle bone idol of Armok.
Jewelettarette's room is the weird shaped ones at the top middle. The Baron von Montague and Baroness Aldaris now share the middle rooms. Then Moose and Reaper the Beardless have the rooms on the right. The unclaimed daughter of the Grand-Duchess has a room below, along with a couple other nobles.
Post by: MrGimp on March 06, 2010, 03:38:25 pm
Heres the lower part of his cave, the tower cap farm. He has just cut down all the tower caps and you can see the limonite has all been smelted.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267907709.jpg)
Heres a look at Eagles' skills. I havent really been focusing on skill progression with him, he just does what needs to be done. He's not really uber, but hes got a wide range of skills, and can obviously survive all by himself alright.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267907711.jpg)
I left out his social skills from that list because damnit, he's a hermit!
Post by: Huesoo on March 06, 2010, 03:47:40 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 06, 2010, 06:43:26 pm
Instead of the new hammerer if there is a new Noble male birth I woul like him to be named Baron Von Freeden and him to be intirested in dueling with a sword. Thanks!
I suppose...
Although I really wanted a Huesoodos!
Post by: MrGimp on March 06, 2010, 07:02:40 pm
"She will move against us when that child is older!" reminded the Queen. Her and the Duke were hanging out in the waterfall alone.
"Holy Lord of Blood! My own nephew is going to murder me!" cried the Duke.
"Calm yourself Travolta!" The Queen slapped him across the face, bruising it with her artifact Birchen ring carved by Airag. "What we need is an heir! It will protect both our positions!"
"Yes..." mumbled the Duke in thought.
"I wear this ring Airag made to remind me of the need for an heir. I look at it throughout the day. I need an heir! It's the reason I had sex with you in that diseased Eberdek's blood! It's the reason I lock you in this cave and force my way with you now!"
"Yes, your majesty."
"Well why Travolta? Why haven't you released your spores inside me?!" she cried. Tears ran down her face. It was a rare moment for the cold hearted bitch of a Queen. "It's because I'm so old isn't it?! It's because I just turned 95 this year isn't it?! Isn't it?!" She began sobbing uncontrollably.
The Duke didn't know what to do. "Uhhh...." he mumbled. "I uhhh....no....you're not that old....I mean. Uhhhhh.....you're not old at all babe. Ninety-five is young. That's only what....twice my age? Not that bad at all!" He put his arm around the Queen and patted her on the back.
She looked up at him with dimple dye mascara running down her wet face. "Make love to me!"
The Duke wanted to get out of there, but he was trapped. It was this or death. Most likely slow death too. "Sure babe," he said at last.
He closed his eyes and went to work....
Post by: The Architect on March 06, 2010, 07:19:43 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 06, 2010, 07:20:39 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267918872.jpg)
My gods! What madness has brought us fifty years into this fortress?
The dwarves spend the year blissfully partying and sacrificing horses to Armok, then bathing in the blood. The Queen herself arranges the partying at the Adamantine statue.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1267920258.jpg)
By summer of 250 Soviet Travolta had wrested control of the mayoralship of Blockedlance back from Jewelettarette!
We also trade a lot. We sell virtually the last of our stone crafts to the humans and elves. I'm glad to be rid of the crafts. I'm tired of these dwarves and their hoarding habits and obsessive compulsive love affairs with microcline bracelets! Every single room is filled with junk! No matter how many cabinets and chests I give them, they fill them up, and then get more stuff. Many dwarves have several rooms, since the population is about a fifth of what this fort can hold. And yet they still fill up the extra rooms with junk!
It's because of these foul dwarves, that Blockedlance is a big burnt out charred pile of cursed demonic junk!
How many diorite scepters do they need? Who would even buy this stuff? I've been exporting craft junk for five decades now. I'm sure I've literally flooded the world map with junk from my fortress. I bet talc crowns outnumber people in Sil Gomath!
Post by: MrGimp on March 06, 2010, 07:22:49 pm
Ever thought of posting her up with someone her personality profile will accept? She would probably have a lover on the side because the Duke doesn't satisfy. Whatever gets the job done.
But then the heir wont be legitimately noble! The Queen is paranoid because she isn't a legitimate monarch. Having stolen her way to the crown, she needs to provide her heirs with some genuine inbred noble blood, otherwise her dynasty is inevitably doomed.
Post by: Moose Fisher on March 06, 2010, 07:32:04 pm
Ever thought of posting her up with someone her personality profile will accept? She would probably have a lover on the side because the Duke doesn't satisfy. Whatever gets the job done.
But then the heir wont be legitimately noble! The Queen is paranoid because she isn't a legitimate monarch. Having stolen her way to the crown, she needs to provide her heirs with some genuine inbred noble blood, otherwise her dynasty is inevitably doomed.
She's doomed if she doesn't get an heir. Start the search!
Besides, her force of will is enough to make her a legitimate ruler, and Armok himself is backing her. No one can question a god.
Post by: The Architect on March 06, 2010, 08:05:02 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 07, 2010, 10:37:39 am
Hmph. Well, I thought this started with her thinking she didn't need such trivial things. I guess her point of view changed quite a bit.
Her earlier protestations of 'worker-queen' and 'queen of the people' were just ploys to make the masses accept her rule. She only hated nobles back then because they outranked her. After nearly five decades in power, she identifies with the nobility. At least when they are useful to her.
It was standard practice throughout the medieval era that if you managed to obtain a crown, you married into the old nobility and reassured them that they still had a seat at the table. If you didnt do that, your nobles would plot to remove you. The whole plot of Blockedlance has been partly based on a medieval era usurpation of power, and so I'm stubbornly trying to get her pregnant with the Duke.
Hell if Airag or any of his brothers want to bang the Queen when they are older, they are welcome to it!
Post by: MrGimp on March 07, 2010, 10:40:26 am
Ever thought of posting her up with someone her personality profile will accept? She would probably have a lover on the side because the Duke doesn't satisfy. Whatever gets the job done.
But then the heir wont be legitimately noble! The Queen is paranoid because she isn't a legitimate monarch. Having stolen her way to the crown, she needs to provide her heirs with some genuine inbred noble blood, otherwise her dynasty is inevitably doomed.
She's doomed if she doesn't get an heir. Start the search!
Besides, her force of will is enough to make her a legitimate ruler, and Armok himself is backing her. No one can question a god.
This is true....but Im a stubborn bastard.
It looks like Toady might not get the new version out for a month or two. So I have time to try the Queen and the Duke a little longer. She still hasnt reached legendary social skills, and I think when she does she might get married to the Duke.
Post by: The Architect on March 07, 2010, 12:03:29 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 07, 2010, 12:50:48 pm
It was also very common practice to bring in an illegitimate heir, concubine, or stud if one of the couple was impotent. Depending on culture, this might be done in secret or openly.
Good point....but hard to achieve in DF.
Is it possible that because she has the 'doesnt care about anything anymore' line in her profile that she wont fall in love with ANYONE?
Post by: Chaoseed on March 07, 2010, 12:57:01 pm
How many diorite scepters do they need? Who would even buy this stuff? I've been exporting craft junk for five decades now. I'm sure I've literally flooded the world map with junk from my fortress. I bet talc crowns outnumber people in Sil Gomath!
:D :D :D
Damn, that was the funniest rant I've read in a long time. A month or two at least. ;)
Post by: gumball135 on March 08, 2010, 06:04:08 pm
Also, good to see Jewelettarette is still doing her duty. I'm surprised that I got a dwoman (heh) so important to the storyline the second I asked. I mean, I expected her to make an annoying mandate or two, then get impaled on spikes. But here she is as the sole baby provider of the fort, challenging the Duke for the mayoral position! Gotta love Blockedlance.
Post by: Ze Spy on March 09, 2010, 02:30:48 am
Post by: Plank of Wood on March 09, 2010, 01:58:43 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 10, 2010, 12:43:59 am
This was considered a good omen.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268194359.jpg)
How did the eight year old Airag feel about having his youngest brother elevated in rank beyond him? Well hopefully he was quite pissed, as that was the Queen's intention! She even granted the Baron a small plot of land on the outskirts of town. Now, if the Duke, Queen, and Grand-Duchess die, Baron von Freeden could technically claim the right to rule based on his higher noble rank and larger estate than Airag!
Urist would pit the potential usurpers against each other, and bide her time until she could get pregnant.
Post by: MrGimp on March 10, 2010, 12:45:04 am
Ah yes, the Pyramid. Built by tortured bearded souls, cemented together to indestructibility by dwarvern tears and demon piss.
Their tears make the dwarves stronger. And the demon piss is cleansing.
Post by: Cheddarius on March 10, 2010, 12:48:46 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 10, 2010, 01:16:52 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268199978.jpg)
"The booze stockpiles continue to dwindle, your majesty," warned Reaper the Beardless, Hoardmaster of Blockedlance.
"Well what's the worry? There's still over 4600 units of booze for 55 dwarves. How could that not be enough?" asked the Queen.
"Well, your majesty," explained Reaper, rubbing her chin where her beard used to be. "The dwarves like their booze. And......"
"Yes? And?"
"And to be frank, your majesty, the dwarves are worried that another 50 children are gonna pop out of my sister here and drink us all to oblivion!"
"My goodness!" cried Jewelettarette, who was attending court with the infant Baron von Freeden sucking at her left breast. "Don't blame me for doing my dwarven duty so well. You're just jealous you dont have your own! Why dont you just go back to Mogror Harbett and submit to your fate?"
"Yeah come back to me baby!" Mogror cried from the distance.
"Silence!" Queen Urist pounded on her adamantine throne, calling her court to order. "Reaper, your reports have been received. The booze stockpiles will be taken care of for now by our proficient brewer. When his skills are honed he will provide us all with more than enough booze. And if your fine sister has another fifty children then we will also have more brewers would we not? Now go. You are dismissed!"
"Yes your majesty," said Reaper with a bow. She gave her sister the evil eye on her way out.
"Now Jewelettarette, I have a question for you....are you pregnant again?"
"Yes your majesty," she nodded with an infant on each arm, and several toddlers crawling about at her feet.
The Queen furrowed her brow, paused, and then smiled. "You know, one of your sons will probably kill me....but I really do appreciate the whole baby thing! It's really good to see so many new slaves to Armok!" There was genuine affection in the Queen's voice.
"Thank you your majesty!" said Jewelettarette. The two dwarves smiled warm-heartedly at each other. It was kind of an odd moment, since they might actually end up killing each other one day....being a noble isnt all platinum goblets and fine pewter weapon racks you know. But that future trouble was years away, and for the time being, they could enjoy each others company.
Post by: Ze Spy on March 10, 2010, 05:52:42 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 10, 2010, 10:33:11 am
any plans for the millitary? , or do i have to go on a rampage in the fortress to fill my blood lust?
Rampage sounds fine to me. Ill put it in once I catch the story up to where Im at in the game.
Post by: MrGimp on March 10, 2010, 10:37:28 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268202101.jpg)
After first insulting the Queen by telling her that her kingdom was nowhere near the size of the Jade Irons, which had grown to almost become an empire, xczxc then went on to demand the Queen order the construction of something in her throne room. When asked what it was exactly she was demanding, xczxc made some vague generalizations and then marched off, mumbling something about how many nice things were in her throne room back at her old mountainhome.
Post by: MrGimp on March 10, 2010, 10:47:09 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268202100.jpg)
Look at how many children are running around this fortress! One fifth of our population is a screaming, puking, pissing child. Ugh. If it hadn't been for the fact that these children were being raised as proper Armok worshipers, the Queen would certainly have killed them all. But she didnt trust the pagan peasants she had slaving for her now, and hoped she could one day replace them with proper blood bathers.
Meanwhile, another momentous occasion has occurred! Deep in the bowels of the temple death pits, where Kurk Quarcane and the Dungeon Mistress Petbeard make their home, romance has blossomed!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268235549.jpg)
Yes they have fallen in love! And how could they not, surrounded as they are with the screams of the dead and dying, and the eternal hauntings of tortured souls? Armok smiles upon this relationship, and hopes they soon get married. May this union be as bountiful as that between Jewelettarette and Khamero!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268235550.jpg)
Post by: Moose Fisher on March 11, 2010, 12:38:36 am
Moose needs to be more social, for the good of the Blockedlance dwarf!
Post by: Ze Spy on March 11, 2010, 02:39:03 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 11, 2010, 03:24:41 pm
err , did you really make me go on a rampage?
You dont want to earn your place in Dwarven Valhalla?
Post by: MrGimp on March 11, 2010, 03:30:29 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268339266.jpg)
The Duke has gone fey!!! Oh noes!!! Now he's going to go emo from not being able to find turtle shell!!!!!
The Queen sends prayers to Armok for the continued sanity of her would-be love.
Post by: Moose Fisher on March 11, 2010, 04:22:15 pm
Post by: Tazgrent on March 11, 2010, 10:51:22 pm
HOLY.
SHIT.
AMAZING.
And now, I'd like to be a part of it, if possible. Could I have some sort of stone or metal worker? If none of those are available, some sort of wood or craft dwarf. Name: Tazgrent. Make my eventual death dwarfy.
Post by: HAMMERMILL on March 11, 2010, 11:50:19 pm
So how is Baron von Montague doing? I forgot what his profession even was.
Post by: Soviet Travolta on March 12, 2010, 03:57:41 am
TRAGEDY!!!!!
The Duke has gone fey!!! Oh noes!!! Now he's going to go emo from not being able to find turtle shell!!!!!
The Queen sends prayers to Armok for the continued sanity of her would-be love.
Oh come on! I'm swimming in billon and now all i want is turtle shell? Damn my noble genes. Never satisfied of anything!
Anyway, going emo seems a pretty accurate reaction for having sexual intercourse covered in blood for several years.
Make the best of it, Mr Gimp!
Post by: Khamero on March 12, 2010, 06:16:13 am
But now I'm back again, and as the only apparent dwarf in this fortress not having my lance blocked either! Just figures what I´d do if I got a noble in bed... =D
...I wonder if the other male dwarves around there are getting jealous?
I also wonder how me and Jewelettarette met? Must have been when the pyramid was finished...
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2010, 11:12:09 pm
Wow. I just spent the last 3 days reading this.
HOLY.
SHIT.
AMAZING.
And now, I'd like to be a part of it, if possible. Could I have some sort of stone or metal worker? If none of those are available, some sort of wood or craft dwarf. Name: Tazgrent. Make my eventual death dwarfy.
Sure. Tazgrent is a stonecrafter now. You're already legendary. You and the other surviving stonecrafter have already crafted the undesirable stones. But more are on the way as I expand the Dwarven Valhalla Cave, so you'll have more to craft soon.
And as a pagan your death will be very dwarfy. ;D
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2010, 11:21:22 pm
Good stuff.
So how is Baron von Montague doing? I forgot what his profession even was.
He's head of the Stonecutters, under the Duke. Since the pyramid is done I guess you and the other 'cutters have been hanging about socializing. Which is good. I'm getting everyone to hang out in a one-tile wide meeting area in an alcove under the waterfall. Hopefully you and the other Armok worshipers will start getting married and making more babies.
You were supposed to hook up with Moose, the Duchess' daughter. But now you're bunking with fellow Armok worshiping Stonecutter Baroness Aldaris. I dont really care who you end up tying the knot with though. JUST BANG!!!
:D
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2010, 11:37:30 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268339267.jpg)
...a talc weapon rack.
Yay.
::)
The Queen was quite pissed.
"I dont get it Travolta!" shouted the Queen in irritation. "Why did you build this out of talc? If you're trying to make something legendarily awesome, why can't you think to use some Adamantine? I've left loads of it down there waiting to be had by you psychotic dwarves in your fits....and yet, you make nothing interesting! A talc weapon rack? Why cant you make a weapon or a shield, or some armor?"
"Uhhh..." mumbled the Duke. "I'm not an armorsmith."
"Yeah well you're not a mason or a stonecrafter either! What's with the picture of the artifact Adamantine table on there huh? Why would you want to remind people of what a semi-decent artifact is when they're looking at this piece of junk?! I can't believe I called an artifact table a semi-decent artifact! Thats how bad this talc weapon rack is!" The Queen was quite flustered by this point. The Duke was afraid to speak.
Finally he mustered the courage. "Sooo....you don't want it?"
The Queen sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. "Of course I don't want it! Why don't you give it to your mother? Talc is befitting a Grand-Duchess....not a Queen!"
"Yes, dear," replied the Duke as the Queen stammered off in frustration.
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2010, 11:43:31 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268454235.jpg)
The Court Musician Kurk Quorcane has officially tied the knot with his beloved Dungeon Mistress Petbeard! Hopefully babies will soon be on the way! Full blooded noble Armok worshipers this time!
Urist had mixed feelings about Kurk, having once tried to awkwardly have a relationship with him. It had stopped short of blood soaked sex when Kurk was found plotting to kill her. But now that Kurk's spirit had utterly been broken (he sits all day playing depressing songs on his harp) the Queen was kind of happy to see him be put to good use breeding Armok worshipers for the next generation. Especially since the Dungeon Mistress was known for dominating, chaining up, and whipping her lovers. She knew Kurk was getting the treatment he deserved.
The Stonecutters are getting some part time work building a small mural inside the pyramid. An unimportant dwarf named Cerol accidentally walled himself in, and his spirit was given to Armok. While his family may provide a coffin for him in the catacombs, this will be as a memorial for them. His actual bones will remain interred in the pyramid until they rot to dust.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268454242.jpg)
Post by: Argonnek on March 12, 2010, 11:56:54 pm
Post by: Cheddarius on March 13, 2010, 01:04:05 am
Post by: The Architect on March 13, 2010, 01:22:42 am
Well, I think Travolta's rack is pretty nice. :P
I never noticed. Does he really have a nice chest? Never seen him take his shirt off in any movies.
(this is where the Sarcmark might actually be useful)
Post by: Ze Spy on March 13, 2010, 02:16:55 am
honestly , Takin' what don't belong to 'em. That's how Walls roll.
Post by: Huesoo on March 13, 2010, 08:29:25 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 13, 2010, 11:28:07 am
Holy shit skull arena? Also could you train Freeden to be a swordsdwarf?
You wont be grown up till the mid 260s, but sure. When the time comes, you can be our first Armok worshiping military dwarf.
Post by: MrGimp on March 13, 2010, 11:42:18 am
Chapter #14 - Fifty Years of Love
Spring 253
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268454244.jpg)
Well, Spring greets us with yet another child from Jewelettarette. This has grown commonplace as she gives birth once or twice a year and has been for over a decade. Her eldest son Airag will soon reach the age of manhood. He's already a legendary woodcrafter from making that stupid artifact ring, so no purple title for him unfortunately.
253 is an important year, as it marks the 50th anniversary of the releasing of demons from Blockedlance. Yes, fifty years ago this coming fall, Blockedlance was destroyed by the hordes of demons once imprisoned underneath the mountain. Now the dwarves themselves are imprisoned within the mountain, held tight by Urist and her God Armok. In honor of this momentous anniversary, the Queen has ordered a large engraving project of the pyramid floor. Before spring is out, the Stonecutters have finished their skull mural...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1268454245.jpg)
This skull will mark the entrance into the depths of the adventure mode portion of the fortress. This is likely to be all I show you of the coming adventure mode fun, so you better enjoy it and shit your pants in anticipation! :D
Post by: Cheddarius on March 13, 2010, 01:47:57 pm
I, er, lost control a little.
Hopefully I won't miss anything while I go out and get some new pants.
But in all seriousness, that skull is really epic. I love the way how you accentuated the eyes with ramps. Could I maybe get on grinding masterwork wooden spikes to line the place with and skewer any unfortunate adventurers? Maybe make some sort of defensive fallback room where you go in and pull the lever, and spikes kill the seven 800-kill GCS's that are after you?
Post by: Tazgrent on March 13, 2010, 02:28:10 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on March 14, 2010, 03:12:19 am
i don't care if i die or not , but i am going on this rampage , i found out the use of the trinket that others presumed useless , its a revival watch , should i die , the watch will bring me back to live whenever i choose , but it doesn't heal injuries well , but it will recover all lost body parts too
i feel indestructable , even if the watch takes some time to recharge
Post by: Phil_Z on March 14, 2010, 02:30:30 pm
diray , sometime , somewhere :
i don't care if i die or not , but i am going on this rampage , i found out the use of the trinket that others presumed useless , its a revival watch , should i die , the watch will bring me back to live whenever i choose , but it doesn't heal injuries well , but it will recover all lost body parts too
i feel indestructable , even if the watch takes some time to recharge
Iseewhatyoudidthere.jpg
Post by: filiusenox on March 14, 2010, 03:11:04 pm
diray , sometime , somewhere :
i don't care if i die or not , but i am going on this rampage , i found out the use of the trinket that others presumed useless , its a revival watch , should i die , the watch will bring me back to live whenever i choose , but it doesn't heal injuries well , but it will recover all lost body parts too
i feel indestructable , even if the watch takes some time to recharge
Iseewhatyoudidthere.jpg
Fail.
Post by: Akigagak on March 14, 2010, 04:53:19 pm
And can I be unarmed, and him with a copper hammer?
Post by: Ze Spy on March 14, 2010, 09:42:39 pm
also , i r bored
Post by: Huesoo on March 15, 2010, 07:27:58 am
http://chatroulette.com/
Post by: Ze Spy on March 16, 2010, 04:10:22 am
also , how far are you aready in the game?
Post by: Plank of Wood on March 16, 2010, 06:15:05 pm
(Easiest task EVER in this place)
Post by: Ze Spy on March 17, 2010, 07:54:02 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 18, 2010, 01:02:53 pm
MrGimp, can you pit me and ZeSpy against each other in the arena?
And can I be unarmed, and him with a copper hammer?
I had something sorta similar in mind....but it may not be the arena. And both of you guys will be fully armed and armored.
Post by: MrGimp on March 18, 2010, 01:03:37 pm
Find me a half crazy Dwarf who is secluded from society! And name him Pink!
(Easiest task EVER in this place)
Sure I can add you.
Didn't you already have a dwarf though? Or did he die?
Post by: MrGimp on March 18, 2010, 04:34:51 pm
Well, it happened at last! Actually....it didnt take that long really. I think they were only married for 9 months, and out popped a baby from Petbeard's bearded nether regions. Now there are two lineages of Armok worshiping nobles in this fort! And look at Zulban, an ARDENT worshiper of Ber Steelearthen the Dyes of Brightness (the Dye of Brightness being blood)! Ardent is even more intense than faithful. This kid doesn't fool around when it comes to worshiping Armok. He even baptised himself before the High Priest could get to it. Thats how ardently he worships the Blood God.
Having the broken dwarf Kurk Quorcane as a father, he was taught from day one NEVER to EVER go against the Queen.
Post by: xczxc on March 20, 2010, 07:45:55 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 22, 2010, 01:29:54 am
I dont know how the game calculates religious zealotry, but its working great here! The dwarves seem to know that they have to raise these kids to be bloodthirsty and strong.
I like it! ;D
Post by: MrGimp on March 22, 2010, 02:01:39 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269239731.jpg)
Last year marked the 50th anniversary of the glorious death of the original pre-forum-thread Blockedlance. Now, this year marks the 50th anniversary of it's even more glorious reclamation!!!
The Queen spent much of the year partying. No peasants were invited of course.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269239734.jpg)
Urist celebrated her squad's glorious attack on the demon infested hill five decades ago. She remembered marching in through the main entrance corridor and seeing the heaps of dead and burnt war dogs. There were dead and dying dwarves lying about. There was much wailing amongst the din of the battle. Urist's squad of marksdwarves had followed the axedwarves deep into that hell, and many had not come out. And all of those that did come out were mentally broken by what they had witnessed. Most were horribly burned and half mad from pain as it was.
Of all the madness and rage that followed, only Urist had survived. Her status among the group had grown when she had shot down Erush Shieldpaints the Trifling Flimsiness, a dwarf as mighty as his name. He had gone mad and killed several wounded brothers in arms, and had to be brought down. And brought down he had been. Following that, Urist served as the unofficial sheriff, keeping order in the hellhole. She had killed several more dwarves before shooting down the legendary dwarf known as the Grim Tribe. The Grim Tribe had earned his nickname by slaughtering every living thing he could in order to enslave them and become the warrior chieftain of an intangible spirit tribe in some kind of necrotic netherworld.
The Grim Tribe had killed every single remaining dwarf in the fortress before he came for Urist. Urist had no bolts remaining after the previous ordeals, and was backed into a corner in the old masons workshops. When the Grim Tribe entered the room, Urist bashed his skull to pulp with her crossbow, becoming a dabbling hammerdwarf in the process.
Urist was the sole survivor. She was stronger for her suffering. Now she was Queen. She celebrated all these things, and gave thanks unto Armok.
Post by: MrGimp on March 22, 2010, 02:13:44 am
She was less apt to celebrate this depressing milestone however. She was depressed at having no heir. Dwarves only live 150-170 years. Why was the Duke taking so long to commit to children and marriage? Could men really hate kids even more than the Queen did?
Either way, he was delaying her dynasty, and as punishment she had Jewlettarette elected mayor again, sending the Duke yet again out of the mayoral office.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269241351.jpg)
As mayor Jewlettarette's first official act was to have her son placed in her old position as Trader. Yes folks, Airage has finally come of age.
The Queen is not immediately threatened by this young puke, but she will of course be watching him like a hawk.
Post by: MrGimp on March 22, 2010, 02:18:11 am
The Dungeon Mistress has given birth again! Another ardent worshiper of the Blood God! Her name is Datan Noblerope. I dont know whats so noble about rope, but at least it has noble in it.
This child is quite a dwarf however. She was not one month out of her mother's womb when she began crying for lack of booze. ;D
Post by: MrGimp on March 22, 2010, 02:19:49 am
Okay plank of wood, here is your dwarf Pink. He is an ardent worshiper of Armok, is a grand son of the Grand-Duchess, a younger brother to Airag, a loner, and not easily moved to pity. He's quite a dwarf.
Post by: addictgamer on March 22, 2010, 02:00:17 pm
Post by: mythmonster2 on March 22, 2010, 05:06:11 pm
Post by: The Architect on March 22, 2010, 10:04:53 pm
Now we wait for Imhotep to rise!
Post by: MrGimp on March 22, 2010, 10:43:51 pm
Have the next possession be by *scare chord* the ghost of Myth. After inspiring the artifact, the ghost will whisper traitorous thoughts into the poor dwarf's mind. And then make there be a really flashy exorcism with magma! And yes, I am hyper as hell!
Your spirit is safely entombed in the Hell of Shattered Bone. There is no escape. Also, like The Architect said, we're full up of dwarf possessors.
But I can give you a new dwarf if you want.
Post by: MrGimp on March 22, 2010, 10:53:29 pm
It is long after the fall of Blockedlance, the corpses have rotted and the ashes blown away. Still, many songs and drunken bar chants have made their way among the mountain halls of the dwarves. Many of these songs are said to contain clues to the fabulous treasures of Blockedlance. I have for you now a rare written copy of one of these old songs, preserved by dwarven blood monks. It is only the torn fragment of a much larger song. It contains the first two verses of an ancient beer song called 'The Funeral Dirge of the Adventurer'. It is written in dwarvish, and must be translated into lowly human speak before it will yield you its wisdom.
Dunan Dwarf Rigeth Onol
Irol Num Ozkak Babin
Shash Sholil Erar Deg
Adas Deler Adil
Inir Zas Ecem Deg
Linem Isrir Okbod
Enkos Kirar Deg
Am Nekol Ker
EDIT - I had some words wrong. Im an asshole.
Post by: r3d5kull on March 22, 2010, 11:04:19 pm
3 days ago
It took you 3 days.... fuck me, I'm retarded. I started March 10th, and I'm STILL NOT DONE!!! lol :P
Post by: r3d5kull on March 22, 2010, 11:16:06 pm
Ok to make myself feel like I didn't waste my life can I have a guy that is named Johann Schmidt. I want him to scheme, if possible I want him to be the queens son or someone that looks up to the queen and that wants to carry one the legacy of cleansing the grained souls with the etched marks of screams... my attempt at emo poetry. YAY if finished! I'm gonna go get wicked high and its 1 am.
Post by: Cheddarius on March 22, 2010, 11:24:54 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 22, 2010, 11:31:05 pm
Gar, can't you just tell us what the poem means?
All will be made clear when the time is right. Until then, only truly bearded dwarves will have the sacred knowledge.
Post by: MrGimp on March 22, 2010, 11:45:19 pm
Wait cancel that last post just finished. yay!!!
Ok to make myself feel like I didn't waste my life can I have a guy that is named Johann Schmidt. I want him to scheme, if possible I want him to be the queens son or someone that looks up to the queen and that wants to carry one the legacy of cleansing the grained souls with the etched marks of screams... my attempt at emo poetry. YAY if finished! I'm gonna go get wicked high and its 1 am.
Yeah Ill make you the eldest son of the Dungeon Mistress and the Philosopher. You have no legitimacy, but you could claim that because all of Jewlettarette's kids are half-pagans, that they are unfit to rule. Since you are full-blooded noble and are the oldest son of a Dungeon Master, you maybe could claim some right to rule. Its definitely room for plotting and scheming, and if you're loyal to the Queen then she may use you against Airag and his brothers if need be.
Post by: Cheddarius on March 22, 2010, 11:55:08 pm
This is what I have right now:
Spoiler: Translation (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Interpretation (click to show/hide)
Post by: r3d5kull on March 23, 2010, 10:01:05 am
Yeah Ill make you the eldest son of the Dungeon Mistress and the Philosopher. You have no legitimacy, but you could claim that because all of Jewlettarette's kids are half-pagans, that they are unfit to rule. Since you are full-blooded noble and are the oldest son of a Dungeon Master, you maybe could claim some right to rule. Its definitely room for plotting and scheming, and if you're loyal to the Queen then she may use you against Airag and his brothers if need be.
Yes! Long live Queen Urist.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on March 23, 2010, 10:06:26 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 23, 2010, 12:24:55 pm
Time for collaborative puzzle solving!
This is what I have right now:Spoiler: Translation (click to show/hide)Spoiler: Interpretation (click to show/hide)
Pretty good so far!
Spoiler: hints (click to show/hide)
Oh crap....and I had a word wrong. I edited the post.
Dunem should have been Dunan. Whatever dwarf wrote this poem must've been drunk.
Post by: Chaoseed on March 23, 2010, 02:43:03 pm
Oh crap....and I had a word wrong. I edited the post.
Dunem should have been Dunan. Whatever dwarf wrote this poem must've been drunk.
Worse than that...sober.
Post by: Cheddarius on March 23, 2010, 06:52:25 pm
Can you confirm that nekal is not, in fact, "r-kal"?
And that Azkak is not Askak?
And that Dwarf is actually a word, or should it just be dwarf?
Spoiler: Translation (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Interpretation (click to show/hide)
Post by: Argonnek on March 23, 2010, 07:16:21 pm
Post by: Cheddarius on March 23, 2010, 07:20:58 pm
Post by: Akigagak on March 23, 2010, 07:49:39 pm
Actually, that seems more likely than saying 'decline' as in 'to go down', since it isn't often it's used as anything but a way of refusing something politely.
Post by: MrGimp on March 23, 2010, 08:15:47 pm
Updated.
Can you confirm that nekal is not, in fact, "r-kal"?
And that Azkak is not Askak?
And that Dwarf is actually a word, or should it just be dwarf?Spoiler: Translation (click to show/hide)Spoiler: Interpretation (click to show/hide)
Yeah Dwarf just means Dwarf. Oddly enough, dwarves dont have a word for dwarf in dwarvish. So I just assumed they call themsleves dwarves, and everyone else got their word for dwarves from the dwarves.
Okay and on third glance, I fucked up again. I blame it on my bad eyesight from staring at computer screens all day. But yeah, lower case a's and o's look a lot a like in DF, and I was using the game to search for words (which was dumb, I shouldve used the file...lol).
Anyways, Azkak should be Ozkak, and Nekal should be Nekol.
Spoiler: More hints (click to show/hide)
Post by: Cheddarius on March 23, 2010, 08:25:39 pm
When can we expect a save to try this out?
Spoiler: Translation (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Interpretation (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on March 23, 2010, 08:32:53 pm
Updated.
When can we expect a save to try this out?Spoiler: Translation (click to show/hide)Spoiler: Interpretation (click to show/hide)
Probably gonna be a while before you guys get a save. :(
Spoiler: last hint (click to show/hide)
Post by: Cheddarius on March 23, 2010, 08:38:44 pm
The north winds carry a friend?
Carry the north winds, friend?
The north wind carries... something, but what is it....
The stick of hell leads the way? The devil's trident?
Anyone else got any ideas?
Post by: Argonnek on March 24, 2010, 06:15:33 pm
Maybe it has to do with which tiles have traps, and a two-wide corridor has traps all along one side. The side with the engraving of a flying creature is the safe one, that will "carry" you to your goal... but that doesn't address wind... or maybe an engraving of wind, or something wind-related.
Post by: MrGimp on March 24, 2010, 09:42:07 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269484434.jpg)
I forget how he died. I think the flooding of the peasant quarters. I think in the flood this guy was killed by some berserk dwarf.
There was also this....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269484435.jpg)
Ingish Tombfights makes an appearance hacking away at an elf. Ingish was recently possessed by Grigrak, then fed to the Beast of Microcline if you recall. It's good he makes an appearance on our fortress walls.
I'm gonna train Khamero up as an Engraver. Half his family died in the temple. Some as babies. So I bet that guy would carve some crazy shit that will do Armok justice.
Post by: MrGimp on March 24, 2010, 09:50:47 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269484994.jpg)
While digging out the rock from the second floor of the Dwarven Valhalla Cave, Fil fell one entire heisenberg unit....the height of a dragon, of a Titan or Colossus even....and was stunned.
He made a full recovery quickly.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269484995.jpg)
Then another section of the fortress collapsed and fell five z-levels into the earth, opening a shaft into the catacombs and smashing up some unknown dwarves coffin. His coffin is gone but hes already considered buried by the game, now his bones will stay there forever. Ah well. I like the idea of unknown forgotten dwarven bones lying around the catacombs. Ads to the feel of the place.
What could I have been building that could have accidentally collapsed five z-levels into my fortress?
......
I'm not telling.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 24, 2010, 09:58:08 pm
With spiked gloves.
Post by: addictgamer on March 24, 2010, 10:02:52 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: The Architect on March 24, 2010, 10:35:57 pm
I think in future, it would be better to place clues in Notes within the save file. That way we get to figure them out ourselves as we look at the actual thing we are exploring.
Post by: MrGimp on March 25, 2010, 09:25:44 am
There will be more dwarven adventurer poetry to come. So dont worry. These two verses were just to test the water and see if Dwarvish could even work for this (it barely does....too few words). All I did was reveal a part of the poem which deals with the entrance, which I already spelled out even before I put the poem up. The entrance wasnt the real hidden message in that poem, but you wont know what it is until you get inside the fortress. This fortress is designed such that even with the poem in hand, you will likely die several times.
But I hear ya. You dont want hints. From now on, youre on your own! ;D
Post by: addictgamer on March 25, 2010, 02:12:54 pm
Well, that's what makes DF fun, losing in skull pyramids.
Oh, I guess I should have put that in spoilers eh >.<
Post by: Cheddarius on March 25, 2010, 06:32:35 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 25, 2010, 08:22:47 pm
We have the word 'drunk' to identify someone who has been drinking. We do at least have the word 'buzzed' to mean someone who is only slightly drunk. But Dwarves would have words for someone who was kinda-drunk, pretty-drunk, really-drunk, and falling-down-drunk. And maybe a separate word for someone who was drunk and puking.
Then of course there should be words to describe angry-drunks, happy-drunks, crybaby-drunks, and psycho-killer Charles Manson drunks.
How come there isnt a dwarvish word for rot-gut? Or hangover?
Or maybe they have those words but they describe what happens to them when they DONT drink. They should have a word for soberovers.
"Boss, I wont be coming to work today. I'm too sobered-over."
Post by: Cheddarius on March 25, 2010, 08:26:05 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 25, 2010, 08:42:25 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269485589.jpg)
Urist turned 101 years old this year, her birthday being the first of granite. God was she old. She saw the new generation of Armok worshiping teenagers with their cobaltite earings and sagging rope reed pants. Some of them had even gotten dimple-dye tattoos! It was disgusting! In her day kids never did such things!!!
Oh well. Her day was long gone now. Now it was on to new and better things. She sat in her alcove behind the waterfall. The Duke was with her, playing with a silk sock. Urist stared at him with contempt. Why was he not releasing his spores?
If she slept with anyone outside the Ducal family, surely Airag or his brothers would attack instantly, knowing their chance at power would soon be lost. Who else could she marry anyways? The Duke was the only noble worthy enough. Most of the other men in the fortress were far too young for the Queen....or were they?
Urist wondered a moment.
Airag was of age. And quite handsome. Is an 88 year age difference really a barrier to love?
Post by: r3d5kull on March 25, 2010, 08:44:16 pm
Dwarves should have an entire branch of mathematics applied to determining, quantifying, and expressing how drunk they are.I wanna be one of the test subjects!
Post by: Cheddarius on March 25, 2010, 08:45:32 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 25, 2010, 08:47:50 pm
Dwarves should have an entire branch of mathematics applied to determining, quantifying, and expressing how drunk they are.I wanna be one of the test subjects!
lol
BTW - Johann Schmidt is officially in. You'll be coming of age in about 11 years. Probably just in time to die. lol
I'm *hoping* to keep the story going till at least 274. But Urist wont die of natural causes until 304-324. So odds are she dies of unnatural causes. :D
Post by: r3d5kull on March 25, 2010, 08:49:54 pm
Post by: Mr. Penguin on March 25, 2010, 08:51:01 pm
Urist should die of DIV (like HIV, but for dwarves). With all the bloodsoaked sex she has been having, it is bound to show up. :/Dwarves should have an entire branch of mathematics applied to determining, quantifying, and expressing how drunk they are.I wanna be one of the test subjects!
lol
BTW - Johann Schmidt is officially in. You'll be coming of age in about 11 years. Probably just in time to die. lol
I'm *hoping* to keep the story going till at least 274. But Urist wont die of natural causes until 304-324. So odds are she dies of unnatural causes. :D
Post by: Cheddarius on March 25, 2010, 08:52:47 pm
Spoiler: Context (click to show/hide)
Better you than me, brother.
EDIT: Made more quote-friendly.
Post by: r3d5kull on March 25, 2010, 08:54:10 pm
Better you than me, brother.
I wanna sig this but I don't know how. :'(
Post by: Cheddarius on March 25, 2010, 09:02:44 pm
Post by: r3d5kull on March 25, 2010, 09:25:41 pm
Post by: Cheddarius on March 25, 2010, 09:28:05 pm
Post by: r3d5kull on March 25, 2010, 09:33:37 pm
You can make a post in this thread (http://www.bay12games.com/forum/index.php?topic=49316.0), and link to it in your sig, like I do.
Thanks I'm gonna use that
Post by: MrGimp on March 25, 2010, 09:36:54 pm
It was at this time, in early spring of 255, that Lord Akigagak confronted Spaher in the storage room, where the rebellious dwarf had been sulking off and on for many years.
Spoiler: note (click to show/hide)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269485595.jpg)
"Hey Spaher!" shouted Lord Akigagak angrily.
"What do you want?" said Spaher gruffly.
"I want to talk to you!"
"Well....you're talking." Spaher still had his back turned to Akigagak.
"Why are you always hiding away up here Spaher? Why dont you sleep at your station like the rest of us?"
Spaher shook his head. "Go away Akigagak!"
"Hey that's LORD Akigagak to you!" Akigagak pounded his fist on his steel breast plate, making quite a racket.
Spaher didn't speak.
"You need to shape up Spaher. You're mouthing off to all the guys...they're getting sick of you!"
"I'm sick of them!" shouted Spaher, turning around in anger. "They dont know what a REAL warrior is!"
It was true. Spaher was mighty. Somehow...he was even mightier than Akigagak himself.
Akigagak's stats -
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269485591.jpg)
Spaher's stats -
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269485590.jpg)
"I suppose you know what a warrior is huh? You sit up here by yourself because you dont know how to be a part of the team Spaher!" shouted the grizzled old dwarf. "Always thinking of yourself Spaher! All fight and no heart! Thats what you are kid!"
"ENOUGH!!!" Spaher shouted. He wanted to swing his axe at the old dwarf's head...he tried fighting the urge.
Then suddenly the spirit of Grigrak randomly intersected with Spaher, drawn by his hate. The raging bloodlust in both souls overloaded Spaher's adrenal glands.
"ARRRRRGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" he shouted.
"Calm down soldier!" ordered Akigagak. It was no use. Spaher gripped his axe.
"DEATH TO AKIGAGAK!!! DEATH TO URIST!!!!!!" Spaher raised his axe and lunged. "AAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!"
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 25, 2010, 09:41:38 pm
Post by: r3d5kull on March 25, 2010, 09:43:46 pm
Post by: Sindain on March 25, 2010, 09:57:18 pm
Post by: The Architect on March 25, 2010, 11:24:29 pm
Well some people want me to tell more, others want me to tell less. I cant make everyone happy.
Actually, I don't have a problem with your hints. I have a problem with the fact that people can't help posting their solutions all over the thread for whatever reason. I don't know if it is showing off or whatever (it doesn't really take a clever person to look at the translations of the dwarvish words), but it's annoying. Even a simple riddle can be fun to figure out by yourself in its proper context, but to have people spout all over the thread for no good reason makes me unhappy.
I mean "no good reason". There isn't any good reason for that that I can see. Why would you even do that? At least some people had the courtesy to put it in spoilers.
Post by: Cheddarius on March 25, 2010, 11:37:56 pm
Post by: The Architect on March 26, 2010, 12:45:46 am
And quite frankly, it's a simple riddle. If you really need help figure it out (besides the typos which have been corrected) then do it with PM's. Solving this simple riddle in its intended context, and using it to enter properly, would be fun. My point is that this is not something people need help to figure out, so there is no good reason for spoiling it.
Post by: Cheddarius on March 26, 2010, 12:49:54 am
Post by: Innominate on March 26, 2010, 02:20:25 am
I have discussed solving the riddle and interpreting some of the stranger passages. I have requested help with it. I need help to figure it out. Just because you think the riddle is easy doesn't mean everyone else does.Then by all means, create a thread for that purpose. Don't clutter a story thread with unspoilered spoilers, and definitely don't fill it with stream-of-consciousness attempts at solving the riddle.
Post by: Cheddarius on March 26, 2010, 09:02:25 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 26, 2010, 10:14:15 am
Post by: afrosquirrel on March 26, 2010, 03:29:49 pm
I notice that your fort seems to be lacking in Siege Engineers. I would like to offer my services as one.
Post by: Ze Spy on March 28, 2010, 06:40:22 am
i got nothing to say
honestly , how did i get stronger then Akigagak? by sitting in the storage room repeatedly?
now , i am right in the god damned storage room , fighting a old warrior who is praised by urist herself?
final words : WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
Post by: MrGimp on March 28, 2010, 03:59:49 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269809409.jpg)
Spaher ran out of the storage room shouting madly. Others took notice and began to flee. The other military dwarves ran towards the shouting and commotion.
Spaher paused to hack away at a couple horses that were in his way near the top of the stairwell. He saw the Grand-Duchess at one end of the old workshops and food storage area. He charged, but his delay in murdering the horses cost him. He could not get to the Grand-Duchess before one of Lord Dullard's men - a dwarf by the name of Samus - was already hacking away at the mighty berserk dwarf.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269809410.jpg)
Spaher swung round and slammed his axe blade into Samus' gut. Reeling in pain, Samus fell back behind his arriving squadmates. One by one the dwarves fell to Spaher's axe. Even the mighty Lord Dullard was cleaved open and put to death. Returning to the fight, a wounded Samus joined the tired and wounded Typoman, barely managing to end the killing spree without the loss of their lives.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269809411.jpg)
What a tragic rampage...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269809412.jpg)
The loss was senseless and great. Samus and Typoman limped away from the fight leaving a trail of blood behind them. It was not long before they too succumbed to their wounds. The unofficial Royal Guard, the squad of the Held Lances, was now utterly annihilated.
Post by: MrGimp on March 28, 2010, 04:03:02 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269809415.jpg)
Post by: Cheddarius on March 28, 2010, 04:32:18 pm
Post by: The Architect on March 28, 2010, 05:18:35 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 28, 2010, 06:34:35 pm
Sorry Akigagak. :'( I was just as shocked at these turn of events as anyone else.
Post by: MrGimp on March 28, 2010, 06:46:09 pm
Queen Urist had the dwarves interred in the Valhalla Cave. Her once vast military was now 5 dwarves, only three of which were any use in a fight. (one is buggered up and the other is in a coma)
In an attempt to keep her mind off of the tragedies, Urist kept working and tending to fortress administration. The legendary glassmaker had died several years ago due to lack of shell. Urist's recent constructions had emptied Blockedlance's glass reserves, and so she made the craftsdwarf Tazgrent the interim glassmaker, until the Grand-Duchess' grandchildren came of age and could be worked.
Xanthius 2.0 had already come of age and replaced his brother Airag as trader.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269819839.jpg)
To keep from being consumed by the recent carnage, Urist kept her focus on her greatest achievement; that of growing a new dwarven lineage of Armok-worshipers. Jewlettarette had established a massive family already, and now Petbeard and Kurk were making their genetic presence known. They had four children already, with their eldest son being named 'Johann Schmidt'.
Post by: r3d5kull on March 28, 2010, 07:05:37 pm
Lol Marvel Comics for the win!
Post by: MrGimp on March 28, 2010, 07:52:04 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269822999.jpg)
Here we can see the utter devastation of the military, and the five pitiful dwarves remaining. Our population is held up only by the Dungeon Mistress and Jewelettarette. Nearly one third of our population is a bratty stupid child.
Not long into spring, one of these stupid children has grown to a useful age. Yes, Calibur is now a man.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269823003.jpg)
He's an interesting character. He is in a constant state of internal rage. Nice! ;D
He's also an ardent worshiper of Armok and not easily moved to pity. This new generation is quite a strong stock.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1269823004.jpg)
Speaking of the new generation, the Dungeon Mistress has named Johann Schmidt's younger brother 'Afrosquirrel', which is a very ancient and noble dwarvish name.
He is quite quick to anger, doesn't go out of his way to help others, and is completely disorganized. He sounds like me! :)
Post by: Typoman on March 28, 2010, 08:54:38 pm
still following this great story even if i don't post often hehe.
Post by: Ze Spy on March 29, 2010, 12:52:34 am
ahem , what the hell man? , sorry , Akigagak , its not my fault that your dwarf died , who told you to try and pit your dwarf and mine against each other without asking for stats?
get it over , i just knocked your dwarf out of the game
also
Quote
Third ReichNAZIS
Post by: afrosquirrel on March 29, 2010, 11:41:22 am
Post by: Khamero on March 30, 2010, 11:49:42 am
I guess Khamero is just running around making increasingly less shitty engravings and more babies these days? ;D
I wonder if I can convince Jewlerette to start up her own little personal guard, now that the queen is a bit shorthanded... Though you had the ending planned out already, right Mr Gimp?
Post by: MrGimp on March 30, 2010, 09:40:27 pm
Nice work so far!
I guess Khamero is just running around making increasingly less shitty engravings and more babies these days? ;D
I wonder if I can convince Jewlerette to start up her own little personal guard, now that the queen is a bit shorthanded... Though you had the ending planned out already, right Mr Gimp?
Planned? PLANNED?
My dear sir, I have been winging this entire thread! I do have several possible scenarios bouncing around in my head, though. Its up to DF which one transpires. I'll be roughly as surprised by the ending as you guys Im sure.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on March 31, 2010, 07:25:23 am
As if there wasn't already enough mechanical death, but whatever.
Post by: Khamero on March 31, 2010, 03:47:57 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on April 03, 2010, 01:05:27 am
It was there, as he sat on his throne of amberized blood enjoying his great successes, that he felt the chill go down his spine. He knew what it was immediately, due to his godly intuition. He was gripped with great apprehension. It was as if the great judge of the universe had slammed down his adamantine gavel and sentenced the universe to a great reckoning.
Could it be so?
Long ago there had been a prophecy. This prophecy foretold of the time of Ragnarok. It was said that if the Blood God should ever rise from his prison, that the old gods would rise from the ancient ethereal plane to do battle with the forces of evil. Among the elves, the battles outcome was guaranteed to their gods. But Armok knew that victory was his!
The location of Ragnarok was not foretold in the old lore, but Armok knew that the old gods would attack the heart of his power. They would strike at Blockedlance, and his dwarven Cult of Blood.
There would be much clawing of flesh and gnashing of teeth.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 03, 2010, 01:10:36 am
Shit's about to get real.
Post by: gumball135 on April 03, 2010, 11:44:26 am
Would you mind making a copy of the save at this point in time so we can mess around in Fortress Mode ourselves while there are still some dwarves alive?
Post by: Plank of Wood on April 03, 2010, 06:23:16 pm
Well Frank, it looks like this Lance...
... Is about to get Blocked.
YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Post by: Moose Fisher on April 04, 2010, 12:58:00 pm
No Hope
FINAL DESTINATION
Post by: Huesoo on April 04, 2010, 03:57:19 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
I hope my baby ass doesnt get impaled.
Post by: filiusenox on April 05, 2010, 04:22:59 pm
Quote
I hope my baby ass doesnt get impaled.
That sounded so wrong.
Post by: Ze Spy on April 06, 2010, 10:18:33 am
All War
No Mercy
No Hope
FINAL DESTINATION
Fix'd
Post by: Mangled on April 06, 2010, 07:27:06 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on April 07, 2010, 01:58:51 am
WHO SENT ALL THOSE DOORS TO FIGHT?
Post by: Plank of Wood on April 07, 2010, 07:22:48 am
Post by: MrGimp on April 07, 2010, 09:42:47 pm
Im a little ahead of the story right now. Ill try to post some updates later.
I have backup saves of the fort for every spring since that one elf prancing incident where I lost the save. So that goes back to 237. Then I have some saves before that. So I can let people check out certain dates in the fortress no problem.
Oh man....I got a new job. In the OC (orange county) too! You know that show the OC? Or that other one the Hills? With all the rich shitty people? Yeah. Thats where I work now. My boss just bought a seven million dollar home right on the beach. My other boss has a 9 million dollar home. All three partners of this company have many tens of millions of dollars, maybe even a hundred million or two for one of the guys.
Douchebags.
I wanna be a rich douchebag too though, so Im slaving for them. Its a programming job...and unlike my last employer, these people can afford to pay. I just gotta work like a bitch for shit money for two months. Then I make slightly less shit money. Then...who knows? They really seem to like me so far (because I work hard for nothing). The other spoiled workers there complained and were cussing the lobby guy out because the building AC wasnt cold enough for them the other day. Fucking nobles. Oh boo hoo its so hot. I barely noticed it. Ive worked on factory assembly lines before. THAT is a hot workplace. Not no damn beachfront office tower with constant AC.
Nobles. ::)
Its nice though. I havent yet fulfilled my mission of becoming a filthy shitty noble....but Im like, a legendary craftsdwarf or something close to it. Someday soon Ill be able to afford a room with some engravings and a couple birchen chests!
Post by: Ze Spy on April 08, 2010, 01:48:15 am
lets just hope his new boss ain't a asshole
Post by: Innominate on April 08, 2010, 02:38:55 am
What sort of programming work is it?
Post by: MrGimp on April 08, 2010, 10:44:51 am
My main project though, has and will be building the CRM (big interactive customer database) and linking it to the telemarketing division with APIs that link to individual agent computer phones. So somebody lands on one of our pages and clicks it,a box comes up asking for their phone number. They put it in, and it goes to our system which hooks them up with the next available agent and calls both the agent and the customer at the same time. Then the agent does his spiel, and if the customer says yeah then the agent puts their info in, name number email, blah blah blah. Then that goes into the CRM and the contact info goes into email, mail, and phone spam campaigns.
Typical corporate douchebaggery. And now Im programming it. I have sold my soul to Armok. And it feels good.
Post by: Moose Fisher on April 08, 2010, 02:50:25 pm
Typical corporate douchebaggery.
That doesn't sound like douchebaggery at all. It's simply a way to organize information for profit. After all, a company can't survive without money. No money means no jobs.
Post by: The Architect on April 08, 2010, 03:15:26 pm
However, if people are stupid enough to give their phone number online, they somewhat deserve it.
Post by: Moose Fisher on April 08, 2010, 03:20:57 pm
There would likely be a warning about that occurring if the customer puts in their info... Right?
Post by: gumball135 on April 08, 2010, 05:59:47 pm
Sounds great. Thanks a lot, Gimp.
Good luck with yer new job. Even if it is evil :P
Post by: MrGimp on April 08, 2010, 06:32:20 pm
Whoops, I somehow glossed over the last part. Yeah, spam messages are annoying.
There would likely be a warning about that occurring if the customer puts in their info... Right?
Yeah its all in the terms of service and privacy policy. If they bother to read it.
But were not selling male enhancement pills or anything. Its for home loan modifications. So the people have to search loan mods to get to one of our landers, then fill out our form and everything before we can do anything evil. So theyre willing victims. Or at least compromising their privacy for the convenience of getting a loan mod online.
Post by: MrGimp on April 19, 2010, 12:29:46 am
I built a settlement called Bouldermazes atop a volcano in a broad leaf tropical forest. I have the volcano magma pipe, a couple magma pools, and a magma sea. I just struck adamantine. I have a couple massive cave complexes. One has a giant cave spider in it, which I sealed off. Then theres another one that spans 50 someodd z-levels. Im building the fortress on the shores of an underground
Updates to this story will come soon, I promise! I will not let these dwarves go gently into that good night!!!
Post by: Ze Spy on April 19, 2010, 02:44:20 am
Post by: MrGimp on April 19, 2010, 09:19:08 am
But its all good. Theres enough Gimp to go around.
Post by: MrGimp on April 19, 2010, 09:29:28 am
She tried to keep her mind off the drama by wandering the halls and admiring Khamero's new engravings. It was a slight change from Urist's style, but not by much.
She stopped by one engraving that caught her eye. It was an engraving of the Grim Tribe, the badass berserk dwarf Urist had killed so many decades ago. Uvash had been a good friend on those long marches. But she had to kill him to protect the adamantine mine. Urist had no idea why Uvash was holding a sea lamprey. She chalked it up to Khamero's artistic license.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1271687105.jpg)
Urist continued her walk down the halls and saw another one of Khamero's strange quirks. He liked engraving stupid random items. Like the Salty Library, an engraving dedicated to the crafting of a masterful dolomite puzzlebox.
Yawn.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1271687105-1.jpg)
Khamero was also quite fond of food. He carved many an engraving depicting the masterful roasts being put out by the great cooks of Blockedlance.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1271687106.jpg)
Try to wrap your head around a pot roast so awesome, that they memorialize its cooking by engraving it into solid stone even thee decades after the roast was eaten and shat out.
Thats one impressive roast.
Post by: MrGimp on April 19, 2010, 09:54:15 am
Urist was sitting in her throne room one day in Spring of 257, when Armok materialized before her.
"Oh, hello my lord! What a pleasant surprise!" she said, greeting the Blood God with a smile.
"Chosen one! Listen to me now! A time of great tribulation is coming soon! I know not the exact date, but I know that our enemies are plotting against us even now!"
Urist was shocked to see Armok so agitated. "My lord, we still have three champions left....three champions who could destroy entire nations. So unless four or more nations come down on us, I think we're safe!"
"But-" interrupted Armok.
"No...I've been moping far too much lately. We need to look on the bright side here. Our enemies have always tried to kill us. This is nothing new. And after six decades of trying, I know one thing....we are still here!"
"Hmmmph!" snorted the Blood God. If only she knew of the leafy horrors these elves would inflict, would she be as brave?
"Our golden age is not behind us! Our golden age lies ahead! Look at the noble apartments I just opened up for the peasantry the other day! These opulent rooms are the CHEAPEST in the fortress!"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1271688308.jpg)
Urist continued. "And our cooks are actually cooking some wonderful stuff lately. I sure miss my sugar roasts, but if anything can fill the void of alcoholic sugar, its these fantastic roasts!"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1271688305.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1271688306.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1271688307.jpg)
"Why," Urist opined, "when I eat a demon meat roast, I feel like I could fight off the hordes of heaven all by myself!"
Armok was silent for a moment. Before he finally turned to leave, he spoke. "Well it is good to see that you are eager to fight Chosen One. It is very good indeed..."
Post by: Ze Spy on April 19, 2010, 10:04:37 am
EDIT : GAH , I GOT FUCKING NINJA'D , THATS WHAT I GOD FOR NOT LOOKING PROPERLY
FUUUUUUUU
Post by: MrGimp on April 19, 2010, 04:14:03 pm
Her powers had grown over the years, she had come to vague hints at Tradan's fate, able to know that he was no longer in the void, but not quite able to tell if he was alive or dead. She was still quite bad at materializing objects out of nothing, but she was getting better.
Lately, massive energy vibrations had been rippling throughout the void. Something was coming, even the telepath could feel it. He was acting strangely, speaking more and more coherently as the days went on.
"Yes yes yes!" laughed the telepaths voice in her head. "I feel it!"
"What is it?" asked Christes.
"End times!!!" he shouted with glee. He actually shouted it. With his physical voice. This was the first time in all the decades Christes had been in the void that she had heard his real voice. She was taken aback.
"End times?" she spoke at last.
"Yes! End times! Isn't this great?! Soon it will all be over! Soon we will be free!" The telepath began laughing wildly. Christes' heart began pounding.
"Free?" There was a pause. "We will be no more?"
"Yes!" was the joyous reply.
"Well what are you celebrating for? We will be deleted! Erased! Struck from existence!"
The telepath looked at her puzzled. After a moment of trying to think of something to say, he simply shrugged his shoulders and then went off to look at the void. He danced as he walked and hummed a tune as he stared at the emptiness.
Christes tried to prepare herself, but even after decades in the infinite void she knew not how to prepare for true nothingness. If only Tradan were here with her now...
Post by: Eagle on April 19, 2010, 04:28:28 pm
:D
Post by: Akigagak on April 19, 2010, 05:32:16 pm
Post by: r3d5kull on April 19, 2010, 05:42:09 pm
Post by: Christes on April 22, 2010, 01:19:04 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 22, 2010, 08:57:19 pm
"Holy father, guide me in my life and damn me if I fail. Let the weak perish, and the mighty receive their stuff. I drink now your blood, and eat of your flesh."
"Amen," said the crowd as one.
Imhotep then took the cracker, and washed it down with bloodwine, which - incidentally - was actually blood. The cracker was just a cheap tasteless cracker though. Imhotep smiled and the crowd clapped their hands. His Unholy Communion was finished, and now he was a man.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1271986816.jpg)
As a member of the Ducal family (which was as close as anyone got to being Royal in Blockedlance) he was allowed to have the after party deep in the recesses of the adventure dungeon. Above them dangled the Hammerer.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1271986814.jpg)
The pagan hammerers pleading to be let down brought joy and laughter to those below. It was his fault for carelessly accepting an order to remove a construction from a high place. It was his fault for tempting the Queen with a delicious opportunity for a slow death of a worthless pagan.
He clearly brought this upon himself.
During the party Imhotep's father went insane. It was perfectly normal dwarven behavior, and brought only encouragement and support from the crowd..
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1271986820.jpg)
Possessed by some unholy force, Khamero headed off...
Post by: r3d5kull on April 22, 2010, 09:06:40 pm
Post by: Cheddarius on April 22, 2010, 09:11:28 pm
"Holy father, guide me in my life and damn me if I fail. Let the weak perish, and the mighty receive their stuff. I drink now your blood, and eat of your flesh."Pretty dwarvenly sentiment there.
Also just realized that the Sacrament is pretty dwarvenly too. I mean, ritually eating your savior? It's a bit like how they thank the brave military for defending them by running out and looting the late Urist McRecruit for his *cave spider silk socks*.
Also instead of crackers they should eat blood sausage (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=54963.15;topicseen). Or dwarven spam. Made from real dwarves.
Post by: The Architect on April 22, 2010, 09:36:32 pm
Oooh yea. Time to create some epic architecture using the bones of Armok's enemies!
Post by: MrGimp on April 22, 2010, 10:26:16 pm
:'( my guy can't kill Urist...
Well, if hes lucky enough to somehow survive Ragnarok, and if the world somehow does not come to an end, and the Tree of Life somehow does not whither and rot, and if your little legs can somehow carry you through the Slim Swamp and across the Delightful Desert, and if you can somehow survive the wastes without getting killed by elf, goblin, kobold, or wolf, then he still might end up playing a part in the story by settling in some random town somewhere and allowing an adventurer to track him down and kill him!!!
How awesome would that be?! :D
Also instead of crackers they should eat blood sausage (http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=54963.15;topicseen). Or dwarven spam. Made from real dwarves.
Gustatory Science Mod?
lol
Make me a present daddy!
Oooh yea. Time to create some epic architecture using the bones of Armok's enemies!
Well you can help build the other half of the massive outter wall. I had left some open space for a tower, it probably wont get built though. :(
Post by: Cheddarius on April 22, 2010, 10:30:47 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 22, 2010, 11:14:00 pm
Is there a Bouldermazes community story too?
How could I unleash more of this madness upon the world???
Post by: Cheddarius on April 22, 2010, 11:24:41 pm
I understand the time constrains this would put on the thread, but maybe you could update Blockedlance half the time, and Bouldermazes half the time, or something? I think it'd bring some variety to the story, it would be exciting to see a Df 2010 story with all the epicness of Blockedlance, and you might even be able to have their characters battle in the arena or something.
Of course, if you want to finish Blockedlance and just take a break from community stories for a bit, that's quite a valid reason not to do it.
Post by: Moose Fisher on April 23, 2010, 10:52:31 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on April 25, 2010, 12:48:50 am
if you were meaning....... well , we , are , screwed
BECAUSE YOU ARE A HEADCRAP ZOMBIE
errr , wat?
Post by: MrGimp on April 28, 2010, 04:11:28 pm
wait , wait , Ragnarok?
if you were meaning....... well , we , are , screwed
I dont know....in Ragnarok, the good guys were destined to lose. Seeing as how Blockedlance is on the side of the bad guys I think we stand a pretty good chance.
BECAUSE YOU ARE A HEADCRAP ZOMBIE
errr , wat?
Eat less sugar.
Post by: MrGimp on April 28, 2010, 04:54:52 pm
Another scrap of parchment was found with another couple verses to 'The Funeral Dirge of the Adventurer'! These two verse come before the first two.
**********************************
Nazush rath tholtig
Od thol Valhalla
Rul arol lam
Kokeb arol ber
Shash ziril idrath
Ozkak nazush nethgon
Kiron enor deler
Ikor akir
Post by: Argonnek on April 28, 2010, 07:47:36 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on April 28, 2010, 09:01:54 pm
Spoiler: not really a hint, just me rubbing it in (click to show/hide)
Post by: Moose Fisher on April 28, 2010, 09:20:39 pm
†sure, it will make the riddles easier, but then it will be accurate!
Post by: Innominate on April 28, 2010, 11:15:21 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on April 29, 2010, 04:43:26 am
also , i demand my dorf be named "Scout"
I AM THE SCOUT!(note the TF2 and JOHNFROHMAN reference..... wait , cut off john freeman , i don't want to spark another Half life: Full Life Consequences RAEG)
Post by: Ze Spy on April 30, 2010, 02:46:19 am
Post by: Soviet Travolta on April 30, 2010, 05:30:25 am
Post by: Ze Spy on April 30, 2010, 07:32:49 am
Post by: MrGimp on May 01, 2010, 12:28:26 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/1271993698.jpg)
Several of his many children gathered around him to gawk at the new bauble. It was always interesting to see the art of a dwarf.
"Behold my masterpiece, the Snarling Gills!" cried Khamero holding the dolomite scepter high in the air before them all.
"Oh," was the unenthusiastic reply.
"Sun berries, Queen Cog, the demon that destroyed the old Blockedlance, and a random goblin thats been dead for thirty years. I dont get it." said Imhotep studying it closely.
"You dont get it? How can you not get it?!" Khamero nearly shouted. "It's modern art! It has meaning on so many levels!"
"Well.....like?"
"Well....for instance..." Khamero began making shit up off the top of his head in order to relate the disparate images to one another. "The sun berries are like...a representation of the prosperity of Blockedlance, see? And then below that....its like....all the challenges our people have overcome here at Blockedlance. Goblins, demons, evil queens. And I say to you all! This scepter shall be held aloft by one of you when you rule this land after Urist!"
A gasp went up from his children. Was this to be spoken of openly?
"Father it is a lovely scepter, I wish to wield it one day, just as you say," said Airag. "But do we dare move against the queen? What about grandmother Slemsvamp? Or uncle Travolta? Would they support us? We would put their lives in danger if we were found out!"
Khamero shook his head. "No! It was my job to provide my children a path to the throne. It is your job to make your way there!" Khamero stared at them fiercely, especially his eldest son Airag, his most titled son Baron von Freden, and his wisest son, Imhotep. "Swear it to me now!"
"Father?"
"Swear it to me, whether you stab her, poison her, or simply wait till she dies. Promise me you will seize the throne when you have the chance!" There was silence as the shock of the moment sank in. This was a moment they would remember for the rest of their lives...the moment when their father gave them their mission...their entire reason for being. "Promise me we will never again suffer under the boot of a tyrant....powerless to find justice. Promise me you will prove to Armok you are the strongest! Promise me you will seize the kingdom!"
"I swear it father!" shouted the young Baron von Freden.
"Yes! I swear it too!" cried Airag, not to be outdone by his little brother.
"I will assist my brothers, and never work against my family. We are stronger together," said the wise Imhotep. "Whoever ascends to the throne father, I swear to you it will be a member of the House of Khamero!"
All of his brood agreed, and responded likewise. Khamero was proud of them all. He had done his work well. He had began life as a peasant, but had managed to give his children the lives of pampered nobles with a shot at the throne. He smiled and hugged them all. Family was truly a gift from Armok.
Post by: Chaoseed on May 01, 2010, 12:39:20 am
Post by: Cheddarius on May 01, 2010, 01:06:56 am
Post by: The Architect on May 01, 2010, 01:52:23 am
I hope you truly have the wisdom to go up against a god. However, I don't recommend it.
Post by: MrGimp on May 01, 2010, 12:41:22 pm
She decided that the fortress must be prepared for whatever finally did come it's way. While the Queen and the Duke partied by their adamantine statues, another Hammerer was sacrificed to the Blood God.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/HammerDie.jpg)
Urist thought about increasing the size of the military from its pathetic three fighting dwarves, and two incapacitated dwarves...but then she figured that shed rather have a challenge at Ragnarok. She wanted to give the Elf Gods a sporting chance you see.
So Jazz, Akhier, and Madmokey24 stood guard alone over the fortress. The Stonecutters continued building the massive outer wall higher and higher into the air, in defiance of any silly ideas the world had about ending. Calibur finished his training as the fortress trader in 258, after scaring some elves away with skull totems and other crafts. It still counted towards his appraiser skill and made him legendary. I think scaring the elves away with skull totems is a pretty awesome way to become legendary.
Now Imhotep has taken over as our trader. All nobles in this fortress must become legendary appraisers and capitalists before they can truly be considered worthy of the purple. Capitalism was such a natural outgrowth of feudalism, and even though Urist had risen to power as a peasant queen, it was now all about the bling.
Post by: Eagle on May 01, 2010, 01:05:46 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 01, 2010, 01:16:35 pm
Chapter #15 - An Empire to Last 1,000 Years
Spring 259, fifty years since Urist was crowned Queen.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring259.jpg)
Yes five decades of rule and 16 million dwarven credit units of wealth, huge stockpiles of the finest alcohols in the world, plenty of gourmet food, opulent engravings, bejeweled statues, stone murals, monumental constructions, several world-renowned dining halls, splendid bedrooms, underground spaces so big and massive that even sky loving humans were awed, and spiraling maze-like catacombs and mining tunnels, spiraling down to the underworld.
It was truly a home fit for dwarves, and if anyone disagreed, there were many dozens of ways they could be disemboweled. Uncooperative dwarves just didnt exist at Blockedlance. And so, in a great ceremony meant to re-envigorate the dwarven people and motivate them should Ragnarok come, Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs crowned herself Empress.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/empress.jpg)
Megalomania was rampant among dwarves, but not since the days of Sankis the Beardless had a dwarf claimed an Imperial title. As High Priest Kulaka placed the adamantine crown upon Urist's head, the peasants cheered with nationalistic fervor, as a man would cheer his local baseball team.
"I have beaten back the elven hordes, slaughtered several generations of goblins, faced demons and spirits of fire...and now I proclaim my majesty over all dwarven nations! All Dwarven Kings and Queens shall now bow to me. I have sent riders north to the dwarven capitals to inform them of this glorious news. My people, hear me now!" shouted the Empress Urist. "We are the new dwarven elite! We are the new nobility! We are the master race! I shall build our people an Empire to last a thousand years!!!"
A raucous roar erupted from the crowds below her. She smiled cruelly at the foolish sheep. They were putty in her hands.
Post by: Moose Fisher on May 01, 2010, 01:34:29 pm
So, does this mean all the nobles below Urist get higher titles?
Post by: TALLPANZER on May 02, 2010, 04:45:59 am
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 02, 2010, 06:30:38 am
Eugenics: DF has it, not due to any malevolence, but because it has to have everything.
Post by: Cheddarius on May 02, 2010, 01:05:41 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 02, 2010, 02:11:12 pm
Post by: Cheddarius on May 02, 2010, 02:32:16 pm
Post by: Chaoseed on May 02, 2010, 03:20:30 pm
Imhotep, you fool!
I hope you truly have the wisdom to go up against a god. However, I don't recommend it.
"When someone asks you if you're a god, you say...YES!"
Post by: The Architect on May 02, 2010, 06:08:38 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 02, 2010, 06:10:54 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on May 02, 2010, 09:04:01 pm
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT? YOU ARE GOING TO NEED NATIONS TO KILL ME!"
Post by: MrGimp on May 03, 2010, 07:43:52 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/melbil.jpg)
"Melbil?" Urist said to herself when she heard the name. "Melbil....that name sounds so familiar. Where have I known a Melbil?" She paused and thought for a moment. "Bah!" she scoffed. She turned to her attendant. "Have him killed, as usual!"
"Yes, your majesty!"
Later that year, an event occurred that had not occurred in many years...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege.jpg)
Goblins have found the brass balls to siege us! After generations had been wiped out and the goblin nations left clinging to life amid the mountain crags, they had finally regrown enough warriors to march on Blockedlance. Why they thought they stood a better chance this time was beyond the dwarves.
"So...you have come all this way to die?" asked Akhier as he waited for them at the Western Gate.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege2.jpg)
Post by: Cheddarius on May 03, 2010, 09:05:44 pm
What's that undead one there?
Post by: Ze Spy on May 04, 2010, 03:10:50 am
QUICK , I NEED A REINCARNATION , NOW!
Post by: Leesin on May 10, 2010, 10:26:47 am
Post by: addictgamer on May 10, 2010, 12:25:29 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Practice that on the goblins ;)
Post by: MrGimp on May 15, 2010, 10:59:46 am
I brought popcorn and a movie!!! (http://mkv25.net/dfma/movie-2173-akhiersfight)
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on May 15, 2010, 02:48:03 pm
Could I please be dwarfed? One of male kids if that can be done.
Can I have a Dwarf ? :D.
Sure no problem. Ill add you both in.
Post by: addictgamer on May 15, 2010, 05:42:26 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on May 15, 2010, 07:33:41 pm
oh shi- , too much TF2 2fort
seriously now , can't you just use DC and reincarnate me? i need to keel ZAWMBIES- whoops , i mean goblins
Post by: derekiv on May 15, 2010, 07:54:44 pm
Post by: Chaoseed on May 16, 2010, 10:02:41 am
Have I reached maturity yet?
That's a question we all have to ask ourselves, isn't it?
Post by: MrGimp on May 16, 2010, 11:35:42 am
But....wait........
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/filDead.jpg)
Fil has no escape! He's stuck out on that ledge! He's gonna die (again)!!!
Fil, being the brass-balled dwarf that he is, accepted his fate nobly, and chose to charge straight into danger with a terrifying scream and his pick raised high above his head.
The goblins close in on him...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/filDead2.jpg)
Oh dear. It turns out that Fil is quite flammable. This is very unfortunate for him, because burning to death has got to be one of the most painful ways to go.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/filDead3.jpg)
Rest in Peace Fil. Hey, thanks for building that wall and saving us all so that we could enjoy more of life! Way to take one for the team! Nice knowing ya!
Post by: MrGimp on May 16, 2010, 11:39:28 am
Heres the gobbo squad heading around to the East Gate. Note the guy in the back screaming and flailing wildly, leaving a trail of smoke behind him? That's some future smoked goblin jerky right there. Yeah....that's fuckin awesome.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/filGlory.jpg)
Post by: Moose Fisher on May 16, 2010, 12:03:42 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 16, 2010, 09:29:19 pm
The goblin riders charged in, their Beak Dogs were clamped by their legs sending the riders flying. When they landed, the riders were clamped and caged as well. Jazz and MadMonkey stood back, in case any goblin scum made it past the cages.
Unfortunately, Dunem Trickscars, the Human Diplomat, was just now leaving the fortress. This was a very bad time to try and leave.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/dunemwrongturn-1.jpg)
As the remaining goblins turned tail and ran, they took their fury out on Dunem, and set her ablaze.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/dunemwrongturn2-1.jpg)
Oh gods be merciful! Her eyes are on fire!!! I guess those Trickscars are pretty real now arent they?
What a terrible end for such an old friend. Farewell Dunem, ye will be missed! With her dies our last diplomatic contact with the outside world...
Post by: Moose Fisher on May 18, 2010, 06:59:08 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 20, 2010, 10:04:00 am
Have I reached maturity yet?
Nah not yet. You might before the end of the story though.
Post by: MrGimp on May 20, 2010, 10:06:10 am
Man, this is going to be awesome.
What's that undead one there?
Sorry...never answered this.
That was the goblin squad leader. Legendary goblin warriors have a different graphic. All the goblins have attacks and damblocks of a few thousand now, so those legendaries are even more super awesome than normal.
Post by: mathlc on May 24, 2010, 09:47:16 pm
that is pure win
also, can i have a dwarf???? name it dehfawck
Post by: HAMMERMILL on May 25, 2010, 02:06:19 am
First time in a while anybody died from a seige!
Post by: Ze Spy on May 26, 2010, 07:35:08 am
Post by: Moose Fisher on May 26, 2010, 11:41:34 am
when i saw your "First time in a while anybody died from a Siege!" i nearly , but not all , created a Flaming Post that would likely cause a shitstorm
I don't think implying makes your post any more polite.
Back on topic, how are the civilians handling the almost-threat to their lives?
Post by: MrGimp on May 29, 2010, 01:47:30 pm
sir, just read this topic from page 1 to here
that is pure win
also, can i have a dwarf???? name it dehfawck
Sure, you're in, along with TALLPANZER and Leesin. I'll get a screenshot of the two noble families shortly.
Post by: MrGimp on May 29, 2010, 01:55:07 pm
Back on topic, how are the civilians handling the almost-threat to their lives?
If a civilian shows fear around here, they obviously dont have faith in Armok, and they obviously dont have faith in their own strength...and weakness is punished horribly. These dwarves have survived fifty years of Blockedlance, I bet they were doing the entrance dance and HOPING the goblins would come. After the gobbos died and fled, the dwarves of Blockedlance were probably walking up and down the halls, boasting about how they could have taken that entire horde on all by themselves...with nothing but a blowgun!!!
Post by: MrGimp on May 29, 2010, 02:12:30 pm
THE HORRORS!!!
Spoiler: I almost lost the save (click to show/hide)
Post by: darkflagrance on May 29, 2010, 04:25:34 pm
OH GODS!!!
THE HORRORS!!!Spoiler: I almost lost the save (click to show/hide)
You must now work on a new megaproject as a sign of thanks to the gods, or, more specifically, Ber/Armok.
Post by: xtank5 on May 29, 2010, 06:12:40 pm
Post by: darkflagrance on May 29, 2010, 06:21:49 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 29, 2010, 10:01:12 pm
Deep down however, she was having serious doubts. The fortress population had plummeted from 234 dwarves to 43, and was only now rising again (now 64). There were only two remaining warriors left, both pagan. There were two large noble families that could possibly take power at any moment. With no family of her own the Empress was cornered and threatened in the Empire she supposedly ruled. It was only the fear of Armok that kept Khamero and Jewelettarette's sons back. But Armok no longer seemed in complete control. Had he ever been? He was just a god among gods, afterall. And while he had been locked in the underworld for the last thousand years, these elf and goblin gods had been leeching spirit juju from their faithful worshipers.
Well...it really wasn't worth it to have doubts at this point. It's not like she could bring back all the dead and make it right with the goblins or elves. And it's not like she would want to. She had long ago thrown her lot in with the Blood God, and she would have to see it all the way through. These elves and goblins were inferior sub-sapients. Urist could not fathom a world dominated by these creatures, and she would do whatever she could do to rid the world of their plague.
Post by: MrGimp on May 29, 2010, 10:24:23 pm
Here is the family tree of Johann Schmidt, eldest son of the Dungeon Master and the Court Musician...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/johannfamilytree.jpg)
And here is the family tree of Airag, eldest son of the Grand-Duchess' youngest daughter and a reformed pagan Stonecutter...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/airagfamilytree.jpg)
These are the noble lineages that all future dwarven generations will one day be descended from. If Urist had no heir, then for the next thousand years the rulers of dwarves will be from among the eldest male lines of these families.
Post by: Cheddarius on May 29, 2010, 10:30:34 pm
Can nobles work? I heard they could work.
Post by: MrGimp on May 30, 2010, 12:44:50 am
Do I have any useful skills or whatnot?
Can nobles work? I heard they could work.
You're actually a legendary woodcrafter after carving an artifact ring. I dont know if Id call that useful though. :)
Post by: Ze Spy on May 30, 2010, 01:02:25 am
*Runs into Urist's throne and Sprays a Picture with the text "George Washington just Whipped Yo Ass" on a random wall*
i am still laughing at Urist for letting me kill a sizable chunk of the millitary
Post by: TALLPANZER on May 30, 2010, 03:47:07 am
Post by: MrGimp on May 30, 2010, 09:34:24 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/demonsmash1.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/demonsmash2.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/demonsmash3.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/demonsmash4.jpg)
Post by: Cheddarius on May 30, 2010, 11:21:42 am
Maybe station marksdwarves there?
Anyway, I'm a legendary woodcrafter but I can't craft anything? :/
Post by: MrGimp on May 30, 2010, 02:16:58 pm
Dang.
Maybe station marksdwarves there?
Anyway, I'm a legendary woodcrafter but I can't craft anything? :/
You can craft things. I let nobles work. In fact, since most of the population is noble now, many of them are going to HAVE to work. I guess you can be a woodcutter/woodcrafter. It helps build a solid princely character to brave the horrors of the sun in order to chop down trees and carve them into things.
Post by: Cheddarius on May 30, 2010, 02:28:02 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 30, 2010, 02:37:59 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege.jpg)
Another siege!
The Empress orders the bridges raised to prevent an all out slaughter. Two dwarves were not going to be enough anymore! Raising the bridges trapped Moose outside, but this was a sacrifice that had to be taken to prevent the western gate from being overrun.
Moose ran in terror, tripping over some uneven ground and falling through a crevice. She noticed a door to her right, covered in dirt and brush and looking as if it had not been opened in many decades. She heaved it open and leapt inside the strange cavern, locking it behind her. She knew not where she was, but she was safe. Here she could wait out the siege...unless she died of thirst, of course...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MooseTrapped.jpg)
(The cavern was carved by Eribite pagans as a refuge long ago. They did not complete the farms and booze stockpiles in time, and never made it to safety. Such is the richness of Blockedlance's history!)
As Moose hid in the long forgotten secret nook, the Empress tried to organize a defense. She decided she would funnel all of the goblins to the eastern gate, where cage traps and a narrow corridor would hopefully give her two legendary warriors the advantage they needed to win. The two champions assured the Empress of their strength.
Jazz boasted of his artifact buckler and its many spikes...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/JazzShield.jpg)
MadMonkey24 boasted of his artifact iron short sword with it's demon engraving, bringing it the power and blessings of Armok...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MadSword.jpg)
The Empress did indeed admire their masterwork equipment, and was awed by their warrior spirit. But two dwarves would just not be enough. As she thought about it she realized that there were soon going to be enough faithful worshipers of Armok to run the fortress themselves. The pagans were no longer needed. Urist immediately ordered the drafting of all pagans that were not Stonecutters. She formed two squads of peasants and armed them with crossbows, the only weapon these unskilled fighters could score a kill with.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/PeasantArmy.jpg)
Urist even drafted Asmel Zulbandak (Khamero's mom). Ha!
With the preparations complete, Urist ordered the new marksdwarves to the barracks rooftop firing platform. The bridge was lowered and the goblins were let through...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/CapCoder.jpg)
Post by: Moose Fisher on May 30, 2010, 04:01:48 pm
Maybe Moose will reunite with Eagle, or Blockedlance
Post by: MrGimp on May 30, 2010, 04:21:17 pm
Drawn to the column of smoke, the dwarves watched with glee as the goblins chased one of our stray horses and setting themselves on fire in the process.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/GoblinIdiots.jpg)
Four goblins died, as well as a couple beak dogs. The best part was that the horse got away!!!
The other squad fared a bit better, and due to the fact that our cage traps were already so full, they managed to get passed our traps!
Jazz and MadMonkey24 confronted a goblin Mace Lord and the remnants of his squad.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MaceLord.jpg)
He and his green skinned cronies end up wearing their assholes inside out. More gobbos pour into the now cagetrap-less corridor. Captain Coder and Steve order their squads to fire at will at the hapless horrors below. The carnage of battle is great. As goblin parts begin flying up onto the barracks rooftop, the rookie peasants vomit and scream like elves.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/QueasyPeasants.jpg)
Captain Coder keeps his men together and manages to force the last squad of goblins to retreat....or at least, whats left of them. Only two goblins actually survive, and manage to lead a riderless host of beak dogs back home.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/GoblinsFlee.jpg)
Post by: The Architect on May 30, 2010, 06:07:42 pm
Post by: darkflagrance on May 30, 2010, 06:26:31 pm
Post by: CJ1145 on May 30, 2010, 06:55:55 pm
Name him Who
Post by: Moose Fisher on May 30, 2010, 08:06:07 pm
Did Moose make it?
Moose shall live on in spirit if she didn't!
Hopefully she's resourceful despite her quarcain withdrawls.
Post by: Ze Spy on May 30, 2010, 08:55:35 pm
but on the downside , your magma moat is not going to be needed
Post by: MrGimp on May 30, 2010, 11:18:06 pm
I need myself a dwarf.
Name him Who
You're in, and what an appropriate name for a child in a family with twenty some odd kids!
Post by: MrGimp on May 30, 2010, 11:31:48 pm
Did Moose make it?
Moose did indeed make it, quite parched, but quite alive.
But Aldaris was not so lucky. I did not even see it when it happened, but upon checking the history log after the battle, I saw this:
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AldarisDead.jpg)
How the hell does a dwarf suffocate randomly??? I dont understand!
It took me a while to find the corpse, but I pieced together what happened.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AldarisSolved.jpg)
Apparently, while out constructing the outer wall, the old Stonecutting Baroness was shot by some opportunistic goblin! The bolt must have pierced a lung (or two) and she stumbled in agony for a while before succumbing to the mortal wound.
Brutal.
Farewell Baroness Aldaris. If Baron von Montague's dreams of having a Baronial family with you were not dashed already, then they are now. :-X
Rest in peace for eternity in your talc coffin...
Wait...
Who's that lying next to you?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ArgonnekDead.jpg)
Argonnek's dead too? WHAT THE HELL????? When did this happen? Son of a motherless goat!!! I guess she died when those demons flew in and smashed up the windmills last season. I thought I had gotten everyone inside, but I must not have.
Damn....we're losing quite a few Armok worshipers!
:( :-X :'(
Post by: Ze Spy on May 31, 2010, 02:08:11 am
but we are all laughing at urist back here in hell , at least i do
Post by: MrGimp on May 31, 2010, 12:16:13 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/EmpressParties.jpg)
She christens the day the first Dwarven Memorial Day, and dedicates it to all those she has sacrificed in her wars.
Post by: HAMMERMILL on May 31, 2010, 05:49:49 pm
Also... I thought Baron Von Montague was an Axelord at some point...
Post by: MrGimp on June 01, 2010, 11:10:11 am
Sweet Armok, at least Baron Von Montague is ok... even if his potential cohort is dead.
Also... I thought Baron Von Montague was an Axelord at some point...
You know...I think you're right. Montague was supposed to become leader of the Royal Guard. But then I didnt have a royal guard, and then I was supposed to make him the head of the Stonecutters. Then I forgot to do that and I gave it to Soviet Travolta.
He's just been getting screwed left and right!!! And not in a good way!
Well I guess I can make him an axelord. And Baron von Freden is gonna be a swordsdwarf as well. I am still kinda against putting Armok worshipers in more danger than they already are though. :-\
Post by: MrGimp on June 01, 2010, 11:15:15 am
My old computer couldnt even run DF very well if that was ALL it was doing. It would die immediately if I ever tried to do DF alongside anything else. Even having paint running alongside DF to get screenshots would clog my old computer. So this is great.
Im up to spring of 263 already!
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on June 01, 2010, 11:44:09 am
Post by: MrGimp on June 01, 2010, 01:20:33 pm
What's Mogror up to these days?
He mopes around, wishing it was the 2010 version, so that he could journey to the underworld to bring back flesh balls and creeping eyes for his experiments.
He longs for surgery and disease...
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on June 01, 2010, 01:36:53 pm
Post by: Eagle on June 01, 2010, 03:31:51 pm
Post by: The Architect on June 01, 2010, 03:34:19 pm
Have i gotten a bunch of legendary skills yet? I should probably expand the cave out, and maybe try to get magma as well.
Cater to me!
this may be inappropriate, but the cumulative record of posts reads this way
Still enjoying the read, as always. Interested in how the power struggle will play out when it all comes to the top!
Post by: MrGimp on June 01, 2010, 09:12:12 pm
Have i gotten a bunch of legendary skills yet? I should probably expand the cave out, and maybe try to get magma as well.
The life of a hermit is simple and boring. If you wanted excitement and adventure you should have joined the military! :D
Post by: MrGimp on June 01, 2010, 09:27:03 pm
Have i gotten a bunch of legendary skills yet? I should probably expand the cave out, and maybe try to get magma as well.
Cater to me!
this may be inappropriate, but the cumulative record of posts reads this way
I dont mind the megalomania and selfish egoism....I'm quite the egotistical bastard myself at times. We're just a bunch of talking apes afterall. If they want to be a part of the story, that means they like it. And Im only writing it because you guys keep reading it and replying to my posts. :)
I wouldve stopped after just a few pages if no one read it, and it wouldve just been a memory of an interesting game I played where the fortress got killed by demons and the sole survivor of the reclaim was named Urist. But now its the third longest and third most viewed story on the forums! Woooo!
Thanks, you damn dirty apes!
Post by: CJ1145 on June 01, 2010, 10:46:53 pm
Well, I suppose I've reached a point where I must begin to write, flesh out my life's story and such. I am Who, one of the sons of the noble lines within the fortress of Blockedlance. I don't see how one could call any of these lines noble, however, as they're all bands of scruffy fools. Those who are not in total isolation live in dazzling opulence. If those fools only knew just how careless such a life would lead them to become.
I shall make this quick, as I am running out of space. Carving on stone tablets of rock with my fingers isn't easy. Know this, Journal: When my day comes, they shall all feel my wrath. The bitch queen Urist, the mayor, the baker, the candlestick maker! The bloody fool Armok shall even know my name when my tale is complete.
Note to self: You are a master of puns.
For the record, read my journals as a stuffy British 12 year old boy for double the enjoyment.
Post by: The Architect on June 01, 2010, 10:54:22 pm
For the record, read my journals as a stuffy British 12 year old boy for double the enjoyment.
Oh no! It's the Chronicles of Narnia all over again!!!!!!
Post by: CJ1145 on June 01, 2010, 11:41:44 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 03, 2010, 12:24:05 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Spring260.jpg)
Sixty years damnit! Urist turns 106 this year. 44 to 64 more years and she croaks of natural causes. Damn dwarves and their long lifespans!
Anyways, TALLPANZER, one of Jewelettarette's sons, is coming of age. He's not quite an adult yet, but he's so excited that he throws a party in celebration anyways.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TALLPANZERparty.jpg)
Him and all of his young snot-nosed bratty friends spend their days getting drunk and passing out on some random dolomite table.
There was some pretty good news this season though...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Hammerer-1.jpg)
A trained executioner has come to our fortress. And he worships the right God!
Huzzah!
Post by: HAMMERMILL on June 03, 2010, 12:29:16 pm
How does the fortress even function when half the population consists of nothing but nobles and their terrible offspring?
Post by: MrGimp on June 03, 2010, 12:39:31 pm
The Saga of Kol Drillpillars
Kol Drillpillars was a mighty young dwarf, and despite his young age, he was the fastest dwarf in all Blockedlance. One day, in spring of 260, Kol Drillpillars was out on the slopes of the Ruthless Tower, scavenging old goblin silk from the bone piles surrounding the fortress.
It was this helpless young child that spotted them, the ugly green brutes. They who would ambush us like an elf would! The dishonorable childkillers spit fire at the young boy.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KolBurn1.jpg)
But Kol was quick on his feet and ran down the side of the hill.
They spit fire again, but managed only to set one of their own aflame.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KolBurn2.jpg)
Enraged, the entire squad of goblins runs down the hill after young Kol.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KolBurn3.jpg)
But every time their breaths of flame reached him, Kol was already too far down the hill to be burned.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KolBurn4.jpg)
When he reached the bottom of the hill, he could have run home....but Kol seems to have taken to much delight in making the goblins burn themselves alive. Instead of running to safety, he runs BACK up the hill. This does give him protection from the goblin fire breathe, but it was quite a ballsy dwarven move to run right back into danger.
Amazingly, three more goblins have burned themselves to death and Kol is still alive! He is singlehandedly taking on this ambush!
But wait....whats this?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KolBurn5.jpg)
More goblins!!! Kol is trapped between two squads of goblins now!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KolBurn6.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KolBurn7.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KolBurn8.jpg)
Rest in Peace Kol Drillpillars. You will be buried in the Valhalla Cave with full military honors!
Post by: Terrapin Jim on June 03, 2010, 09:18:52 pm
THIS IS DAMN AWESOME!
If at all possible, could I have a dwarf? Nothing important, but hopefully something useful around the fortress? Like a random member of the seething masses, slave to the indomitable Lunatic-Empress. His/Her name would be Corcha. Thanks! :D
(Also: Eagle is damn awesome as well. Hermits rock.)
Post by: Ze Spy on June 03, 2010, 10:06:20 pm
because if he steals my title without any Adrenaline as the fastest , i am going to strangle him to death again
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!..........assclowns
Post by: Eagle on June 03, 2010, 10:54:52 pm
Post by: Kaberton on June 04, 2010, 02:31:50 am
I want a dwarf before Ragnarök. Any dwarf will do, miner if available. Kaberton works as the name.
Post by: Khamero on June 05, 2010, 08:36:33 am
What have the poor little gobbos done to deserve that?! >=D
Just found this thread again after a few ages, and it is increasingly awesome! Love how I made my entire family go for the throne! "Oh, if you wanna kill her, please do, but GET THE THRONE! If you dont wanna, leave her be, but GET THE THRONE! </ragespit>"
I wonder what Jewlerette thinks of this... =D
We need more military though, we cant have two heathens fighting for us. I mean, when they inevitably die, what will we do then? Look weak? NO WAY! D=<
At least mom is doing her duty. ;D
Post by: Red on June 08, 2010, 08:41:01 pm
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on June 10, 2010, 05:20:14 am
Ah, today a wonderful thing happened. Young Drillpillars was incinerated after a valiant attempt for escape.
It warms the cockles of one's heart to see mere physical prowess fail miserably in the face of adversity.
The young fool spent too long training the wrong organs. If he'd trained his brain, he might have prepared a trap some weeks earlier along the route of his walk. A rather bright lad as well, makes the waste all the more hilarious.
Speaking of youngsters, the queen celebrated her 106th birthday not long ago. Perhaps Armok will see an opportunity and give her the Gift of Blood. Then again, he might not. The old fellow was always incredibly fickle.
Hm, I've just had a fantastic idea! I recall a fortress a few hundred years back with the same admirable depravity as Blockedlances, what was it called? Ah, who cares, they had a bloody great magma trap and that's all that mattered. Such a shame the technology from Olonkulet isn't around anymore.
Post by: MrGimp on June 10, 2010, 08:55:16 am
If at all possible, could I have a dwarf? Nothing important, but hopefully something useful around the fortress? Like a random member of the seething masses, slave to the indomitable Lunatic-Empress. His/Her name would be Corcha. Thanks! :D
No problem.
I want a dwarf before Ragnarök. Any dwarf will do, miner if available. Kaberton works as the name..
You're in.
I'm a bit ahead of the story, so you guys might not show up for a few updates.
Also, glad you guys like this sick twisted story! I like that three escaped lunatics posted almost in a row. haha
Post by: MrGimp on June 10, 2010, 09:21:33 am
And so when one of Jewelettarette's sons came to the royal court, the Empress looked to Mogror to tell her what this eight year old brats name was.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Who.jpg)
"Who." replied Mogror.
"This boy right here." pointed Urist.
"Who, your majesty." replied Mogror again.
Urist paused and glared at her adviser. "This brat right here....what is his name?"
"Who."
"Dammit Mogror!" The Empress stood up and walked to the young boy. She grabbed him and shook him back and forth violently. "THIS CHILD RIGHT HERE!!! WHAT IS HIS NAME???!!!"
"No, What lives in another fortress, your majesty!" explained Mogror.
Urist was puzzled and scrunched her face into a grimace. "What are you talking about?"
"Yes you're majesty. And you're talking about Who."
"I dont know, that's what I'm trying to figure out!"
"No no....Who IS the dwarf you are talking about!"
"What? I pointed him out quite clearly!"
"What isnt here. Who is THIS dwarf!" Mogror shouted, pointing his finger at Who.
"What are you asking me for? I'm asking you!!!!" cried the Empress in exasperation.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Whomood.jpg)
The Abbot and Costello bit goes on for ages, and eventually Who get's moody and withdraws from the court.
He had come to ask for shell for his great craft he was working on...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WhoShell.jpg)
But there was no shell in the fortress, and so he became horribly depressed.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WhoSad.jpg)
He flung himself from a very high place...such is the trauma brought on by lack of shell.
Post by: darkflagrance on June 10, 2010, 09:33:19 am
"Yes."
"No, I just wrote to Yes the other day."
It was probably because he was depressed that her Majesty couldn't grasp his name. Of maybe she grew so exasperated at it that she secretly ordered him to hang posthaste.
Post by: MrGimp on June 10, 2010, 10:42:48 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ObokMood1.jpg)
I hope Oddom doesnt like shell!
Oh crap he does!
Spoiler: That does it!!! (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on June 10, 2010, 10:51:00 am
UNSPEAKABLE TRAGEDY!!!
Spoiler: Ill speak about it now... (click to show/hide)
Post by: CJ1145 on June 10, 2010, 11:46:19 am
Dear Diary,
It seems I am dead. Oh dear. On the bright side, my sibling shall surely carry out my plans for me, right? Now then, I shall find my way through this labrynth of an afterlife. There sure is a lot of blood here...
Who Two's Diary, Entry 1
Dear Diary,
Fuck that guy. My stupid brother wanted me to enact some sort of ritual to make him ascend to godhood or something like that. Well, now he's gone and died, so I guess that plan's out of the question. I guess I'll have to find something else to do with my immense power...
Post by: Moose Fisher on June 10, 2010, 11:55:15 am
[An unintelligible page of scribbling, blood, and quarcain.]
Post by: gumball135 on June 10, 2010, 12:54:36 pm
Once Blockedlance is finished do you think you'll start up another community fort?
Also, how many kids does Jeweletarette (did I spell that right? I really should've made it shorter. Still, it's a name worthy of a snotty, overcomplicated noble.) have now?
Post by: Terrapin Jim on June 10, 2010, 05:29:14 pm
If at all possible, could I have a dwarf? Nothing important, but hopefully something useful around the fortress? Like a random member of the seething masses, slave to the indomitable Lunatic-Empress. His/Her name would be Corcha. Thanks! :D
No problem.
Thanks!
Also:
Either way, it probably will include early death. A short but interesting life he will have.
That seems to be a trend with Dwarfs from Blockedlance. :P
Post by: r3d5kull on June 10, 2010, 06:33:13 pm
Post by: MrGimp on June 10, 2010, 10:53:59 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring261.jpg)
A great mystery has gripped the fortress...
Who IS this rotten corpse?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WhoRotten.jpg)
This mystery has caused many drunken fistfights as frustrated dwarves try to explain to each other who the dwarf is/was.
In other news, Urist has been keeping the Stonecutters busy deep under the earth. They are digging deeper and deeper, in a maze-like morass of mining tunnels that spans several z-levels already.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MiningTunnels.jpg)
The dwarves could not understand what she was digging for, as she didnt seem focused on any gems or metal veins. If something valuable came along, she mined it out of course, but it was not her goal. She constantly shifted the digging direction. The Stonecutters never knew which way they would be mining until they got their daily digging orders from Baron von Montague. It was as if the Empress was laying some kind of trap....some labyrinthine abyss from which even the bravest dwarven adventurers would never return.
Post by: MrGimp on June 10, 2010, 10:59:56 pm
And of course, we are right. Immediately following the caravan is a filthy green horde!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/merchantflames.jpg)
These merchants fight bravely, but they dont stand a chance.
At least all the goblins burn alive too.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/merchantflames2.jpg)
Wondrous devastation....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/merchantflames3.jpg)
Post by: Cheddarius on June 10, 2010, 11:32:35 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on June 11, 2010, 12:03:41 am
are you getting too sissy to Give Gobs Fireballs so they can burn themselves to death without any Casulaties?
Post by: RavingManiac on June 11, 2010, 03:25:45 am
Making the goblins fire immune would help, though.
Post by: CJ1145 on June 11, 2010, 08:30:57 am
Post by: MrGimp on June 11, 2010, 11:02:48 am
The FIREBREATH token gives both flame breath and fireballs.
Well there are two firebreath tokens. At least in 40d...havent modded the new DF yet. But in the old one, you have firebreath which is actually fire balls, and then you have dragon firebreath which is what the goblins have right now.
EDIT - Elves in my game have regular firebreath, and I have seem them spew dragon fire every now and again. Its rare, but you might be right that the firebreath token gives both.
Too easy, Maniac. If they get fire, they have to learn to live with it.
Exactly.
I like that they burn themselves. It fits the goblins stupid character. Their gods have given them firebreath, but they're too brutish and oafish to know what to do with it. And they're so aggressive that they'll even spit fire from the back of the squad out towards the enemy. They'll spit fire even if half the squad is already engaged in close combat with the enemy.
Plus its funny when fire gets everywhere.
Post by: Sonrah on June 11, 2010, 05:59:47 pm
THIS IS A FUCKING AWESOME STORY
Seriously, i started playing DF because of boatmurdered. And I started building (somewhat useless) temples and sacrifice altars because of you.
Thanks :)
Post by: Kipi on June 12, 2010, 04:07:51 pm
Could I get a dwarf? Male, preferably in military. Named as Kipi.
If no military then mechanic?
Post by: MrGimp on June 13, 2010, 10:57:04 am
THIS IS A FUCKING AWESOME STORY
THANK YOU!!!
I started building sacrifice altars because of you.
Hell yeah. 8)
Now if you ever start building sacrificial altars FOR me, here is what my majesty requires....
Gimp Almighty's Weekly Sacrificial Demands
1. Place 7 ounces of dried rat weed in a rope reed bag beneath the golden altar of The Gimp, so that my lungs may never know a breath of fresh air.
2. Place 7 barrels of dwarven ale beneath the altar, one barrel for each day, so that my mind may never know sobriety. It is blasphemous to place elf drinks in my presence.
3. Sacrifice 7 kittens in my honor, and place their delicious meat at my altar.
4. Sacrifice 21 virgins in my honor, three for each day of the week. In fact, I'd prefer it if you don't really sacrifice them...just kinda leave them there...then close the door. Don't worry...I'll get 'em.
Post by: MrGimp on June 13, 2010, 10:57:22 am
Nice work!
Could I get a dwarf? Male, preferably in military. Named as Kipi.
If no military then mechanic?
You're in.
Post by: Cheddarius on June 13, 2010, 12:00:17 pm
2. Place 7 barrels of dwarven ale beneath the altar, one barrel for each day, so that my mind may never know sobriety. It is blasphemous to place elf drinks in my presence.Sunshine makes Gimp vomit in more ways than one.
Post by: Ze Spy on June 13, 2010, 06:02:39 pm
Quote
1. Place 7 ounces of dried rat weed in a rope reed bag beneath the golden altar of The Gimp, so that my lungs may never know a breath of fresh air.
2. Place 7 barrels of dwarven ale beneath the altar, one barrel for each day, so that my mind may never know sobriety. It is blasphemous to place elf drinks in my presence.
3. Sacrifice 7 kittens in my honor, and place their delicious meat at my altar.
4. Sacfrifice 21 virigns in my honor, three for each day of the week. In fact, I'd prefer it if you don't really sacrifice them...just kinda leave them there...then close the door. Don't worry...I'll get 'em.
I did that , but i don't know what you like so excuse me if i gave Wounded Kittens
Post by: Innominate on June 14, 2010, 12:08:29 am
Post by: Ninja Pichu on June 14, 2010, 03:51:29 pm
Do you really want DF virgins? They don't have genitalia, and they're filled to the brim with spores.
Well, you do want to have the prime quality spores for prime quality
I've been following this thread as a guest for a long time, since around The Jewels of Life. Now that I'm finally signed up and stuff in that relative direction... I'd like a dwarf. A dorfy dorf. A dorf's dorf, if you will. Also, I am definitely not trying to stretch out this paragraph at all, definitely.
Name: Chare (Female)
Profession: Anything to do with stone or metal (Blacksmith, Weponsmith, Armoursmith, Miner, Mason, whatever.)
If I get in, I'd also like to see the profile for my character.
Rainbows make me cry, over.
Post by: Ze Spy on June 15, 2010, 09:27:10 pm
Spy : "This is Ninja Pichu! Rainbows Make me Cry!"
Post by: Ninja Pichu on June 16, 2010, 02:01:02 pm
hmmmmm , can't resist this , but....
Spy : "This is Ninja Pichu! Rainbows Make me Cry!"
Scout: "Yeah, it's hard to backstab someone when he's beatin' your frickin' skull in, isn't it?"
I could not resist.
Post by: Ze Spy on June 16, 2010, 08:32:51 pm
"Hard to stab the guy in the back when hes beatin' ya freakin' head in eh?"
but i think i better stop going off topic before someone decides to beat me to death with a golf trophy(reference to "Meet the Sniper")
also , since i am too impaitient to wait for raganrok to happen and start some kind of claustropic explosion that fucks up with the Soul Chamber and revives everyone dead , i am just going to request another one
Name : R. Ced Chlore
Role : i am Sacrificing Nobility for Momentuem and long-time survival , so anything that doesn't involve "Running up to someone and beating him to death with mud and shit and stuff , but i'll prefer Bowyer or wepon manufacturer
either that , or i'll just divide by zero and get my previous dwarf out of that hell cluster-fuck
Post by: Ninja Pichu on June 17, 2010, 10:29:49 am
nah , the correct quote is :Someone needs to make a machine fueled by nobles, right now.
"Hard to stab the guy in the back when hes beatin' ya freakin' head in eh?"
but i think i better stop going off topic before someone decides to beat me to death with a golf trophy(reference to "Meet the Sniper")
also , since i am too impaitient to wait for raganrok to happen and start some kind of claustropic explosion that fucks up with the Soul Chamber and revives everyone dead , i am just going to request another one
Name : R. Ced Chlore
Role : i am Sacrificing Nobility for Momentuem and long-time survival , so anything that doesn't involve "Running up to someone and beating him to death with mud and shit and stuff , but i'll prefer Bowyer or wepon manufacturer
either that , or i'll just divide by zero and get my previous dwarf out of that hell cluster-fuck
Post by: Kaberton on June 19, 2010, 05:49:39 pm
Post by: TheSummoner on June 19, 2010, 07:06:51 pm
If theres any room, could you add me? Preferrably male, but female wouldn't bother me. I'd like my Dwarf to be a sort of warrior priest... Mace wielder would be most appropriate, but hammer or axe would be fine. As for a story, he could be a high ranking member of the church of Armok, though below the high priest and priestess of course. Perhaps he could have a role in sacrifices... Gather a large number of prisoners and slaughter them all! Let the blood flow! That sort of thing. He'd be a complete fanatic, blindly loyal to Armok and his chosen champion, Queen Urist.
Post by: Ze Spy on June 19, 2010, 08:49:02 pm
if you ment what i was thinking , then you are totally thinking shit upside-down
Post by: TheSummoner on June 19, 2010, 09:34:49 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on June 20, 2010, 12:42:36 am
Post by: mathlc on June 20, 2010, 04:46:39 pm
THIS IS A FUCKING AWESOME STORY
THANK YOU!!!I started building sacrifice altars because of you.
Hell yeah. 8)
Now if you ever start building sacrificial altars FOR me, here is what my majesty requires....
Gimp Almighty's Weekly Sacrificial Demands
1. Place 7 ounces of dried rat weed in a rope reed bag beneath the golden altar of The Gimp, so that my lungs may never know a breath of fresh air.
2. Place 7 barrels of dwarven ale beneath the altar, one barrel for each day, so that my mind may never know sobriety. It is blasphemous to place elf drinks in my presence.
3. Sacrifice 7 kittens in my honor, and place their delicious meat at my altar.
4. Sacrifice 21 virgins in my honor, three for each day of the week. In fact, I'd prefer it if you don't really sacrifice them...just kinda leave them there...then close the door. Don't worry...I'll get 'em.
lol......win
Post by: Ninja Pichu on June 21, 2010, 11:12:16 am
Still chilling in his cave?
Post by: Cheddarius on June 21, 2010, 01:51:29 pm
In the hermitcave was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' fightin' goblins all brave
And all shootin some goblins outside of the cave
When a couple of orcs
Who were up to no good
Startin killin' dwarves in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my queen got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your goblin and dragon in Bel-Air'
Post by: MrGimp on June 22, 2010, 10:51:50 am
Name: Chare (Female)
Profession: Anything to do with stone or metal (Blacksmith, Weponsmith, Armoursmith, Miner, Mason, whatever.)
No problemo.
i am just going to request another one
Name : R. Ced Chlore
I suppose. Although I'll probably live to regret it.
If theres any room, could you add me? Preferrably male, but female wouldn't bother me. I'd like my Dwarf to be a sort of warrior priest... Mace wielder would be most appropriate, but hammer or axe would be fine. As for a story, he could be a high ranking member of the church of Armok, though below the high priest and priestess of course. Perhaps he could have a role in sacrifices... Gather a large number of prisoners and slaughter them all! Let the blood flow! That sort of thing. He'd be a complete fanatic, blindly loyal to Armok and his chosen champion, Queen Urist.
You're in. Blindly loyal dwarves are always welcome!
Post by: MrGimp on June 22, 2010, 10:56:27 am
So, how is Eagle doing anyways?
Still chilling in his cave?
Eagle just lazes around forgotten most of the time. In fact, the tale of Eagle has been quite sad and alcohol free lately. He ran out of booze and was drinking water for YEARS before I realized he needed to make more. Think of the horror. Can you imagine the madness he must have suffered from?!
He also made a bunch of spears and mechanisms for a repeating weapon trap. I haven't had him install the thing entirely yet. I should get on that. Its taken him twenty years to do this. lol
Post by: MrGimp on June 22, 2010, 10:56:48 am
In west Blockedlance born and raised
In the hermitcave was where I spent most of my days
Chillin' out maxin' fightin' goblins all brave
And all shootin some goblins outside of the cave
When a couple of orcs
Who were up to no good
Startin killin' dwarves in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and my queen got scared
She said 'You're movin' with your goblin and dragon in Bel-Air'
Hell yeah!
Post by: MrGimp on June 22, 2010, 11:13:54 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring262.jpg)
Another tick of the clock and a new calendar gets hung on the walls. The dwarves celebrate the event with beer.
This fortress is old man...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/oldage.jpg)
Hey I was saving that fox for modding you summummabitch!
Gods dammit! Now what am I gonna do? Trade with elves for more animals? Ack!
We don't take kindly to non dwarves around here...well, except for humans, cuz theyre pretty beardly....but these elves and goblins are not welcome here!!!
They sure do like to try and get in though....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege1.jpg)
Another goblin horde assaults us this year. Having kept the fortress sealed, Urist knew there were no dwarves out in the fields. She ordered non military dwarves inside, then the Empress decided to have a little fun and opened the gates.
In rushed the gobbos...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege2-1.jpg)
A few beak dogs and goblins were caged immediately. The rest were peppered with bolts from above. The goblins returned fire, but our dwares were invinci-
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege3.jpg)
Hey wait....what?
Nightwing took a goblin bolt to the throat! He clamored away from the walls, but collapsed before he could reach a bed and medical attention. He died there on that rooftop, in front of his squad.
Enraged, the dwarves sought revenge on the green skins!
Drowning in iron bolts and their own blood, the goblins frantically set everything ablaze.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege5.jpg)
The carnage was glorious.
When the battle was over, the dwarves had time to mourn their loss amid the smoke and gore.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege6.jpg)
Farewell Nightwing. You will surely be missed in the next battle.
Post by: Cheddarius on June 22, 2010, 12:09:58 pm
Post by: maxicaxi on June 22, 2010, 11:40:52 pm
The dwarves are vengeance. The dwarves are the night.
Post by: MrGimp on June 23, 2010, 11:48:46 am
Spoiler: I won my court case (click to show/hide)
I AM THE LAW!!!
Post by: Theodolus on June 23, 2010, 11:58:08 am
Oh yeah, by the way, for those who are interested...
I AM THE LAW!!!
The Empress might have to argue that assertion...
Honestly, though, congrats. It's nice to see that the justice system gets it right once in a while at least.
Awesome story, by the way. Three days of absolute, productivity sucking, awesome.
With that said, I want in. Any dwarf will do, but preferably a zealot of Armok. I'm thinking more along the lines of the zealot type who is absolutely on fire for their deity all the way up to their horrible, bloody death at which point they realize that their deity was just fucking with them all along. But an axe-dwarf would work too. :)
Post by: Cheddarius on June 23, 2010, 12:17:16 pm
Post by: IHateOutside on June 23, 2010, 02:10:35 pm
Post by: Huesoo on June 23, 2010, 04:00:26 pm
Oh yeah, by the way, for those who are interested...Spoiler: I won my court case (click to show/hide)
I AM THE LAW!!!
Fuck yeah man.
Post by: TALLPANZER on June 23, 2010, 04:36:56 pm
*TALLPANZER has organized a party at BURNING TOWER OF GOBLINS!*
Post by: Innominate on June 23, 2010, 09:44:36 pm
Oh yeah, by the way, for those who are interested...Sounds to me like Armok should tell Urist to hold the most badass celebration ever, and she will have no idea why.Spoiler: I won my court case (click to show/hide)
I AM THE LAW!!!
Post by: TheSummoner on June 23, 2010, 11:39:58 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on June 24, 2010, 12:07:15 am
Tell me what masterpiece(or demands) you want build and i'll do it
Post by: Moose Fisher on June 25, 2010, 12:47:53 pm
Post by: Ninja Pichu on June 27, 2010, 10:41:42 pm
Sobriety... the dwarf's worst enemy.So, how is Eagle doing anyways?
Still chilling in his cave?
Eagle just lazes around forgotten most of the time. In fact, the tale of Eagle has been quite sad and alcohol free lately. He ran out of booze and was drinking water for YEARS before I realized he needed to make more. Think of the horror. Can you imagine the madness he must have suffered from?!
He also made a bunch of spears and mechanisms for a repeating weapon trap. I haven't had him install the thing entirely yet. I should get on that. Its taken him twenty years to do this. lol
Post by: MrGimp on July 27, 2010, 09:31:47 pm
Plus, my 'almost-noble' job has earned me the money to buy a quad core computer with a googaplex of ram and memory. This thing can stream porn, youtube, website stuff, ftp stuff, coding stuff, image editing stuff, and whatever else my computer is running all without skipping a beat. Its ungodly powerful. And then I bought Fallout 3 and whenever I have extra time Im playing that. That game is so awesome. If you guys like apocalyptic humor then you'll like Fallout 3.
But anyways, I want to give Blockedlance the end it deserves, not something quick and slopped together. But I guess Im just giving it a prolonged drawn out slow death. I dont know if thats any better. :-\
I wanted the adventure tunnels to be awesome, so that theres a legacy to the fort and a reason to play an obsolete version of DF in order to check it out. But it requires a lot of attention to detail to get the tunnels and traps right. I cant just run it in the background and get what I want out of it. Plus like I said, its hard to stay focused on one fortress in one game for so long. This story is almost two years old!!!
But the gods be damned! Let version 1.0 of DF be released before this story is finished, and I will STILL finish it. By the beard of Armok's beard, I swear this story will properly meet its end and NEVER be abandoned until its bloody fate has made its tortured souls worthy of their eternal rest.
Blood for the Blood God
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 27, 2010, 09:46:58 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on July 28, 2010, 12:16:48 am
or , if you are that kind , let us screw around the fort in Fortress mode
Post by: Huesoo on July 28, 2010, 11:03:37 am
Post by: Moose Fisher on July 28, 2010, 04:34:58 pm
Post by: The Architect on July 28, 2010, 09:14:07 pm
THANK GODS! I was starting to miss seeing my favorite fort's name appearing in my Updated Topics list every now and again. :'D
QFT
Post by: Lord Inquisitor on July 31, 2010, 12:04:28 am
Bout time you got fallout 3, its a great game and I mod it better.
You going to keep the evil queen until she dies of old age proving she is the ultimate dwarf survivor.
Of course this is the best fortress thread here.
Post by: TheSummoner on August 01, 2010, 08:25:02 pm
Of course, such a feat would require mass sacrifice... many lives, goblin, elf, human and dwarf would have to be given for something as great as immortality.
Post by: nbonaparte on August 02, 2010, 01:01:13 am
Post by: sadron on August 08, 2010, 10:36:14 am
Post by: rty275 on August 09, 2010, 09:08:08 am
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Tradanbattlan on August 09, 2010, 10:12:34 am
A tribute to the Microcline Monster :PGahahaha! That's brilliant!Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: rty275 on August 09, 2010, 03:51:06 pm
Post by: Urist McKing on August 10, 2010, 11:55:18 am
Post by: Ze Spy on August 11, 2010, 04:49:41 am
No mods but the game took like 5-6 hours genning the game so i think it may have messed up.
Wrong Thread
Post by: MrGimp on August 11, 2010, 12:41:10 pm
Briliant. Absolute brilliance. You have pleased the Emprah. Now, can I have a dwarf that worships the emprah and always accuses his enemies of heresy and calls the goblins xeno scum? I'd like his name to be Cain.
Sure.
We had a Cain many decades ago. You shall be known as Cain, no relation to Cain. :)
Post by: MrGimp on August 11, 2010, 12:51:28 pm
Maybe Armok would be willing to grant Urist immortality if she killed off all the elves?
Anyways....I have been slaving to finish up our gigantic project for work with 250,000 lines of code. The first official demo is friday. Then bugtesting for a month. Then we shove it out the door. I'm being promised loads of money...which is probably a horrible lie. But maybe not. I think I'll get a break after the demo....maybe this weekend or sometime next week. I will devote that time to dwarf fortress at last!
Post by: Innominate on August 12, 2010, 01:27:29 am
Anyways....I have been slaving to finish up our gigantic project for work with 250,000 lines of code. The first official demo is friday. Then bugtesting for a month. Then we shove it out the door. I'm being promised loads of money...which is probably a horrible lie. But maybe not. I think I'll get a break after the demo....maybe this weekend or sometime next week. I will devote that time to dwarf fortress at last!Ooh, what is this project? Or is it all very hush hush?
Post by: MrGimp on August 13, 2010, 11:05:09 pm
Anyways....I have been slaving to finish up our gigantic project for work with 250,000 lines of code. The first official demo is friday. Then bugtesting for a month. Then we shove it out the door. I'm being promised loads of money...which is probably a horrible lie. But maybe not. I think I'll get a break after the demo....maybe this weekend or sometime next week. I will devote that time to dwarf fortress at last!Ooh, what is this project? Or is it all very hush hush?
Its just a project of never ending rewrites and third-party integrations. It wont end and its taking my sanity. Now the demo is pushed back to tomorrow in the morning. If that fails (it might) then its Monday....then we have a month bug testing. I dont think Im getting a weekend after all.
slkdgha;sghj;sfghjeoh
MrGimp Peasant Programmer cancels work: Rolling on floor babbling incoherently
MrGimp Peasant Programmer cancels babble: Feeding hunger for murder
Post by: Tradanbattlan on August 13, 2010, 11:10:18 pm
Post by: MrGimp on August 13, 2010, 11:20:23 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on August 14, 2010, 01:08:39 am
Post by: MrGimp on August 14, 2010, 02:01:34 am
At long last however in a place far to the north in the land known as the Jade Irons, a ruler felt he was in a strong enough position to callously disregard the rule of the Imperatrix Magnus.
It again was a long journey before the caravan could bring the response to Blockedlance's gate. The caravan riders did not have the courage to deliver the message personally, and instead simply dropped off a few boxes at the front gate and paid to have them sent to the Empress. Then, hurriedly, the merchants raced out of town.
Urist sat on her adamantine throne as her courtiers brought in her daily mail.
"Tribute from the western dwarves m'lady," said Mogror as peasants slowly dragged in massive bags of worthless junk crafts. Apparently Blockedlance wasn't the only place in Sil Gomath trying to pass worthless baubles off as treasure.
"Very good. Throw it all in the atom smasher," was the cold reply of the Empress. It was all just a dominance game. She didnt really need the tribute, she just needed the other nations of the world to know that she could ask for anything at any time and they better oblige.
"Next....we have the tribute from the northern lands. The land of the Jade Irons."
"Ahhh," smiled the Empress. "I have been waiting for news from this land for some time. It is quite far away, and I hear it is a very rich and powerful kingdom. I bet this is the one place that could actually afford to send us tribute that is worth saving and not smashing into oblivion. I am very eager to see what my loyal subjects of the Jade Irons have made for their Empress!" Urist leaned forward in her seat as three boxes were brought in. The boxes were laid before the Queen. She beamed a large smile as the lids of the boxes were removed, all at the same time. She had been expecting gold, or silver at least. Maybe some diamonds or rubies? Artifact crafts would have been alright. But that was not what they had sent....
There in the boxes were the heads of the caravan masters she had hired as her emissaries. They had been pickled so as to preserve them over such a long journey, but they had begun to rot anyways. The stench was unbearable, and the look on the faces of the disembodied heads was enough to show that their last moments had indeed been terrifying.
There was a loud gasp as everyone felt the shock at once. Then the room fell silent.
These northerners would pay for this. They would pay dearly....
Post by: TALLPANZER on August 14, 2010, 03:21:50 am
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on August 14, 2010, 07:02:57 am
Post by: Ze Spy on August 14, 2010, 08:25:27 am
Post by: Innominate on August 14, 2010, 11:58:32 am
Post by: Ninja Pichu on August 14, 2010, 04:08:09 pm
(Also, when my dwarf finally does appear, she should be snooty and high-class. You know, the kind of dwarf that dwarves hate.)
Post by: MrGimp on August 15, 2010, 12:25:59 am
"Why?" moaned the voice of the telepath inside Christes' mind. He had been staring out over the void without moving for what must have been months now. He had been completely lifeless, and Christes was caught off guard by his speech.
"Why what?" asked Christes.
"Why wont it end?" he cried. There was silence for a moment. Christes did not know how to answer. "It should have ended already! Why wont it just end?!"
"What if Ragnarok has already taken place, and the world didnt end afterall?"
"Then we may never die!!! Oh curse the thought!!!" shrieked the voice of the telepath. He flailed his arms and then smacked his head repeatedly from both sides in an attempt to get the thought out of his mind. It was almost as if he was afraid it would manifest itself into reality. "Long ago my link to the outside world was lost....if ever I existed outside of the void. You! You still have a psychic link to that Blockedlance place of yours! A great deal have you learned in your years in the void! Yes! Open your mind and tell me what you see of your home. Has the end of the world passed us by? Has Armok slain the elder gods? Has evil truly triumphed over good?"
"Alright alright....I will try..." Christes closed her eyes and thought of her old home. She had been cut off from the fortress of Blockedlance for many decades, but her powers of telepathy had also grown greatly, and she could envision much with her mind's eye.
"Well....what do you see?"
"Yes I see the fog rolling down from the mountain tops of the Ruthless Tower. Above the morning mist rises the Pyramid of Urist and the Temple of Blood. I see....many signs of recent battle. There are scorch marks, ash piles, and mounds of goblin corpses - "
"Goblin?" interrupted the telepath. "What about Elves? No Elves? It's the Elves and their Gods who will confront Armok at the end of days."
"There are many elf bones scattered all around....but they feel to me as if they have been there for quite some time."
"Well then we still have a chance to die!" boomed the voice of the telepath in Christes' head. It was eerily happy as it said such words.
"Yes....lucky us..." muttered Christes.
Post by: MrGimp on August 15, 2010, 09:06:40 pm
http://www.wheresmypage.com/DF/spring235.zip (http://www.wheresmypage.com/DF/spring235.zip)
Just save it and unzip it, then set it as your save folder for DF 40d.
Post by: MrGimp on August 16, 2010, 09:30:47 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring263.jpg)
It had been a long time coming. Time had seemed to stand still in Blockedlance ever since those heads had been mailed over. The Queen had hunkered down with her few trusted advisers, but with only two non-crippled champions and eight crappy marksdwarves there wasnt much she could do about the situtation, no matter how much she had wanted to. She had relied too heavily on fear alone. She would need to back her threats up soon, lest she be seen as a weak and ineffectual ruler. She needed to send some kind of army northwards to impose her will....but where would this army come from? It would take too long to breed these Armok worshipers and train them into a fighting machine, and Urist wouldnt want to lose her precious blood cultists anyways.
What to do? What to do?
There wasnt much she could do. No matter how powerful she was here in Blockedlance, far to the north, a thousand miles away, she was powerless.
Powerlessness wouldnt do. Powerlessness was for peasants.
Post by: LINKedup on August 16, 2010, 10:45:40 pm
Post by: Christes on August 17, 2010, 12:13:01 am
I await the conflict eagerly.
Post by: 12innigma on August 19, 2010, 09:43:01 am
Post by: MrGimp on August 19, 2010, 04:23:33 pm
He groaned and grunted while he dug feverishly, cackling with glee everytime he pulled a plump helmet out of the ground and tossed it in his barrel.
He was a filthy, muddy, insane, babbling hermit now. He had not spoken in many years. It was questionable how much dwarven speech he could even remember at this point. Even his thoughts had ceased being in dwarvish, and consisted only of sights, sounds, smells, and emotions now.
But here in this dark cave, this mad hermit continues to cling to life. His mud scrounging this season yielded enough plump helmets to last another few years at least. It was a tenuous existence...but still safer than living under Urist's rule.
Post by: MrGimp on August 19, 2010, 10:08:57 pm
"For the last time xczxc, tell us what we want to know!" Mogror shouted as he further tightened the chain on xczxc's feet, stretching his body painfully.
"I don't know anything else! I told you everything I know!!!" xczxc shrieked. He had committed the crime of being a northerner from the land of the Jade Irons. He had a foul northern accent and a dreadful northern name, and since the heads in boxes incident, he had been receiving some brutal treatment at the sadistic hands of Mogror Harbett.
Mogror whipped xczxc with some dead goblins rusted iron scourge. "Liar!!!" he cried. Mogror cackled with glee as xczxc's body shivered from the pain.
"No!"
"Haha! YES!!!" Mogror whipped him again.
"Please! I've told you everything! The king of the Jade Irons has conquered several goblin fortresses. His power.....he thinks it rivals the Empress I'm sure. He's mad!!! Why must I be punished for his madness?!"
"Because it's hilarious!" shouted Mogror as he grabbed an old iron mace and beat on xczxc's kidneys. xczxc could only muster the strength to let out a long, low groan.
At that moment, the Empress walked in. "Anything new yet?"
"Nah....he told us everything he knew in the first five minutes. I've just been having fun with him the past few months." laughed Mogror with a bright beaming yellow smile. From the base of his crooked broken teeth, his gums pussed and bled from gingivitis. His breath was terrible.
"Oh," said the Empress holding her breath and batting the air in front of her face. She coughed. "Carry on then...." she said at last, before excusing herself from Mogror's foul torture pit.
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on August 22, 2010, 01:01:49 pm
Post by: MrGimp on August 28, 2010, 05:10:34 pm
(I was too stoned to take a picture. Im pretty sure it looked pretty much like the last one.)
Empress Urist was her old happy self again this year. The human and dwarven caravans that had come at the end of last year were guarded by fine mercenaries. Urist had persuaded their captains to combine forces in an assault on the northerners. She also provided extra gold in order to procure more troops along the way. She also sent riders to the court of Prince Byakugan, the merchant prince of Behal Ladgi. These humans had always been stalwart allies of the dwarves, and would surely provide whatever help they could.
Urist was again confident of her position. She even forgave the tax collector xczxc for being northern scum! How merciful an Empress she was!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/mood.jpg)
And so when the noble Vucar something-or-other went insane and got into some crafts, Urist was delighted to see his magnificent artifact...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/artifact264.png)
A PERCH bone sword??? How big is this fish you ask? Well here is a picture of the dwarfy bastard that caught it. This is actually a picture of him catching it. He just walked right in, picked it right up, and took it home with him.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/perch.png)
It made a mighty fine meal and a mighty fine sword. Worth 51,600 copper coins it is. And its got a picture of a table and a bear on it. What more could you ask for?
The rest of the year wasnt as happy as the beginning though. Curly died this year deep in the mining tunnels. A big stone slab fell on him and crushed him. Now he is one with the stone, as all dwarves are destined to be.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/curlydied.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/curlydied2.jpg)
Oh well...
Life moves on. He is easily replaced.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/morebabies.jpg)
Post by: Huesoo on August 28, 2010, 05:13:09 pm
Post by: GannonDorf on August 28, 2010, 06:19:50 pm
... a picture of a bear and a table you say?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_N8rQRcs-DzM/S_ghc2GLVKI/AAAAAAAAAMI/S3eRndRyBgw/s1600/patient_bear1.jpg (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_N8rQRcs-DzM/S_ghc2GLVKI/AAAAAAAAAMI/S3eRndRyBgw/s1600/patient_bear1.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on August 29, 2010, 11:33:29 am
Yo dude how am I doing?
The original Huesoo died. What was the name of your second character?
Post by: MrGimp on August 29, 2010, 11:35:22 am
"And its got a picture of a table and a bear on it. What more could you ask for?"
... a picture of a bear and a table you say?
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_N8rQRcs-DzM/S_ghc2GLVKI/AAAAAAAAAMI/S3eRndRyBgw/s1600/patient_bear1.jpg (http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_N8rQRcs-DzM/S_ghc2GLVKI/AAAAAAAAAMI/S3eRndRyBgw/s1600/patient_bear1.jpg)
The artwork relates to the rise of Soakglazes, the patient grizzly bear as an enemy of the Ageless Matched Lashes in 161.
Post by: MrGimp on August 29, 2010, 11:42:56 am
The Life of an Adventurer
Theres a lever up there!
You should beware!
Theres a lever up there
if you dare to dare!
Where will it pour out
all the pain?
Will it pour out
Stone-blood or rain?
If you live, if you survive
Know that Death wins everytime!
Theres a fork in the road!
Who put it there?
Theres a fork in the road
You must choose with care!
One path holds a life
of gold and 'tang
While the other is filled
With blood and pain
If you live, if you survive
Know that Death wins everytime!
Post by: MrGimp on August 29, 2010, 09:33:37 pm
So when the dwarven and human mercenary captains approached the Prince with a proposition to invade the northern lands, he jumped at the chance. By helping the Ageless Matched Lashes, he would secure his own borders against these powerful goblin hordes, who only a few decades ago were threatening to overrun all the dwarven mountain halls in the area and march on Behal Ladgi itself.
Byakugan ordered several detachments of his own troops to follow the united dwarven and human mercenary companies. He also outfitted many of the poorer mercenaries who could not afford good equipment with high quality arms and armor from his own private stores.
When the army left the city walls the next spring, it was a sight to behold. A force of this size had not been gathered since the days of the demon wars, nearly three centuries ago. The northerners would soon learn how foolish they had been.
Post by: BadSyntax on August 29, 2010, 10:11:27 pm
Post by: MrGimp on August 29, 2010, 10:37:06 pm
Just finished reading this. WOW. Best Fort thread EVAR. Can I have a dorf named Chuckles in the military, preferably a a guard or a hammerdwarf. :P
Sure Ill put you in. Im ahead of the story. So youll show up in 269. :)
Post by: MrGimp on August 29, 2010, 11:02:20 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring265.png)
Blockedlance has been surrounded by goblin hordes. The local mercenaries have all ridden north, leaving both the human and dwarven lands weakly defended. It was quite easy for the goblins to combine forces from several dark fortresses and converge on the great Dwarven capital. They dared not attack however, and always stayed far from our walls. Lord Jazz was enraged by this act of cowardice, and has circled the fortress by himself several times, trying to egg the goblins into a fight. Whenever he drew close however, they drew away, back into the shadows and forests and swamps.
These goblins had grown smart over the years. They could not win with a direct assault, but now they would try to starve the dwarves out.
(NOTE - The fortress has been considered under siege by DF for a while now. Theres no one attacking me. I sent Jazz around the fortress several times on patrol. He found nothing. The drawbridges have been left down. No one has attempted to enter, neither goblin nor elf. I am terribly vexed. This prevents further sieges and traders from coming.)
In an effort to invigorate her armed forces, should the goblins grow some balls and assault, the Empress has rewarded two of the marksdwarves for their hard training. She granted them the ancient dwarvish names of Kipi and Corcha.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/newmarksdwarves.png)
One of the Grand Duchess' daughters had not been given an old dwarvish name in all these decades, and Urist sought to rectify that as well this year. All hail Chare! And look....I had not noticed this before, but Chare has a kill. A dwarven kill no less!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/charekills.png)
Must have been some dwarf that went insane because they couldnt find shell or silk or something. The Blockaded Clasp of Crumbling's mind crumbled from the horror of not having turtle shell to make crafts with. Chare was there to put him down.
Also this year, we weeded the courtyard...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/plantgatherings.png)
I dont like all this plant life in Armok's inner sanctum. I keep ripping these plants up and cutting these trees down....and look at this place! It looks like an elven forest retreat!
Post by: BadSyntax on August 29, 2010, 11:05:01 pm
Post by: Cheddarius on August 29, 2010, 11:22:48 pm
Post by: BadSyntax on August 29, 2010, 11:27:54 pm
Chop down all the trees, line the halls with ballistas, and have dwarves skewer unlucky civilians every once in a while.With training spears made from those very trees dotting the floor in a checkerboard pattern. ( A slow painful ironic death ). One switch to rule them all!
Post by: MrGimp on August 30, 2010, 03:37:28 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring266.png)
Urist received word from her mercenaries this year when a messenger ran the blockade around Blockedlance. Urist had hoped the army she had sent northwards would have arrived at the capital of the Jade Irons by now and laid siege. Unfortunately, when she read the letter, she was informed by the dwarven mercenary captain that damned dirt elves had ambushed them repeatedly on their march towards the north. The forests in that area were crawling with these blue blooded fire breathing immortals. The mercenaries had done well, and had fought back the pointy-eared hordes. They had set large sections of the northern forests ablaze. This news warmed Urist's black heart, and helped tide her over until the army could get to the land of the Jade Irons.
In other news...
Will there wasnt much other news this year. The 'siege' continues. No one attacks us, and no one can trade. I am flexible. I have contingency plans. Ragnarok can happen whether the game is bugged or not. But I still wish I could get this siege bug fixed.
Oh and yeah....more babies this year.
Post by: MrGimp on August 30, 2010, 04:13:21 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring267.png)
More babies! Ack!
I mean....uhhhh......joyous news! More bouncing bundles of joy!!!
Hey at least they worship Armok (despite their young age). That is the sole reason they have been allowed to live. Hell....that was the sole reason they were bred in the first place!
The Empress received news this spring that her army of mercenaries had FINALLY reached the land of the Jade Irons. They had burned several of the outlying villages, raided a few towns, and were now setting up a siege around the capital of the Jade Irons. This mighty rabble of humans and dwarves had done it! They had trekked across Sil Gomath and had brought the fight to the northerners! Not only that, but all the other dwarven nations of Sil Gomath were undoubtedly receiving news of the army from their spies and scouts. They would learn well what happens to those who oppose the Empress!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/mood-1.png)
In celebration of this momentous event, a noble saw a chance to make something pompous and self-congratulatory....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/artifactgoldmug.png)
Forkclubs the Flayed Plain huh? Its got a picture of the legendary table on it....TWICE!! Thats just outstanding creativity on the part of the artist! I am amazed at the quality. Im also amazed that someone would pay 272400 copper coins for a mug.
Ah who am I kidding? No ones going to get a chance to buy that thing. Its going to go straight into the Empress' treasure chest for her use only.
These dwarves are getting pretty gaudy themselves though. Look at Chare's room...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ChareJewels.png)
Its overflowing with jewels. Who said she could have these jewels? This is fortress property!!! I just dont get these bipolar dwarves. One minute their anarcho-socialist, and the property of the fortress is free to grab. Then the next minute their aristo-capitalists, hawking these SAME WARES that they just got for FREE, and charging dozens, even hundreds of copper coins for the privilege!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/imhotepshop.png)
Thats a nice little racket the Grand Duchess' family has going huh? They take all the stuff out of the fortress stockpiles, then Imhotep sells it back to the peasantry. It's quite a scam....no wonder Imhotep is known as the wisest of Khamero's children. He has learned the secret of great wealth...and that is that no one ever accumulated great wealth without shafting someone royally.
But shafting someone Imperially was where the money was REALLY at....and Urist was always several steps ahead on that score...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/empresscrown1.png)
Yes thats right...due to the over zealousness of our craftsdwarf....we now have several raw adamantine crafts lying about.
I caught it pretty quickly. We didnt lose too much blue metal....but it still pisses me off. Oh well. At least the Empress has a real adamantine crown now. Not just a pretend one. And the fortress wealth increased by a million copper coins in less than a year!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/createdwealth.png)
w00t!
Post by: MrGimp on August 30, 2010, 04:24:51 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/eagleexpands.png)
(ALSO NOTE - As you can see at the bottom....Imhotep is spending his ill-gotten gains on a life of shopping and gluttony. Shame on him.)
Eagle is scratching out a meager living off of muddy plants and well water. He makes some booze every now and again, when I remember to task it for him. I am expanding his cave so that he has more plants and tower caps to use. Honestly...I realize now that all it takes to make sure a hermit can live forever is a pool of water and some mud. If the patch of mud is big enough, he can live off the plants grown there forever. In fact....I dont know if Ill ever farm again. One big underground mud room could feed the entire fortress. You just have to cut the tower caps back every now and again to keep your fields productive. And you dont really need a well to get at water...thats just a more fancy way of drinking.
Dwarves truly are amazingly sturdy arent they? Mud and a puddle. That's all they need.
Post by: The Architect on August 30, 2010, 04:58:07 pm
Post by: Huesoo on August 30, 2010, 05:07:44 pm
Post by: BadSyntax on August 31, 2010, 12:07:47 am
Ahh, my great plan comes together. Be patient, I told my siblings. Patient. Why? Because the most powerful are the wealthiest! And we will be the wealthiest.that doesn't apply in BlockedLance. remember this. Give a dorf a shell, he will make a crappy trinket. Give him anything better and urist willvaporize thier ass and take it.
Post by: Innominate on August 31, 2010, 05:46:23 am
Will there wasnt much other news this year. The 'siege' continues. No one attacks us, and no one can trade. I am flexible. I have contingency plans. Ragnarok can happen whether the game is bugged or not. But I still wish I could get this siege bug fixed.Is it possible that there is a goblin out there who just isn't attacking? I seem to remember there being a bug where mounts would flee combat. But they probably wouldn't be ambushing if it is a siege. Is there a tool you can use to reveal hidden enemies (e.g. a visualiser)?
Post by: Eagle on August 31, 2010, 04:33:47 pm
Post by: Urist McKing on August 31, 2010, 07:03:44 pm
Bwahahaha I will survive. I should make a coffin for myself, or an elaborate trapped tomb.How would you get your body in the coffin?
Cant wait till Cain shows up.
Post by: BadSyntax on August 31, 2010, 10:10:30 pm
Post by: Eagle on September 01, 2010, 11:14:15 am
Science.Bwahahaha I will survive. I should make a coffin for myself, or an elaborate trapped tomb.How would you get your body in the coffin?
Post by: Urist McKing on September 01, 2010, 04:00:24 pm
MagmaScience.Bwahahaha I will survive. I should make a coffin for myself, or an elaborate trapped tomb.How would you get your body in the coffin?
Post by: nil on September 01, 2010, 10:21:56 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on September 01, 2010, 11:40:00 pm
A suit of armour made entirely from coffins.
Post by: Innominate on September 02, 2010, 12:07:58 am
If you sit there for long enough, eventually all the particles in your body will spontaneously move inside your coffin.Science.Bwahahaha I will survive. I should make a coffin for myself, or an elaborate trapped tomb.How would you get your body in the coffin?
Of course, if you sat there for the next several billion years the odds of it happening would still be so close to 0 as to be practically impossible. But, theoretically, it could happen.
Post by: PeterMcBeater on September 02, 2010, 09:19:15 pm
Post by: Ninja Pichu on September 03, 2010, 02:24:01 pm
Such is life in Dwarf Fortress.
Edit: What's with those ampersands on the side of my room?
On second thought I might not want to know. :-\
Post by: BadSyntax on September 07, 2010, 10:35:34 pm
Post by: Svarte Troner on September 10, 2010, 03:35:06 pm
edit: There's also another statue of Urist laughing at a dwarf suffering in my dining hall.
Post by: Ninja Pichu on September 10, 2010, 11:14:39 pm
Post by: Arbitrax on September 11, 2010, 07:55:50 pm
If there are any unclaimed dwaves I'd love one, profession is irrelevant, just being a small part of the history of this foul cesspit of dwarven awesomeness would be cool!
Post by: Svarte Troner on September 11, 2010, 08:28:06 pm
Post by: bayar on September 13, 2010, 07:09:44 am
After 30 some pages, I reached the baby sacrificies and I was like:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Now I have finished the thread and I'm like:
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Nice work on the fortress, awaiting more epicness. And death.
Post by: Urist McKing on September 25, 2010, 11:41:08 am
Post by: The Architect on September 25, 2010, 11:37:38 pm
Post by: Urist McKing on September 26, 2010, 10:57:55 am
His last activity was on the second of september. It's the 26th. I don't think he would abandon us like this without saying anything... MAybe he is in the hospital? Or his connection could be out. Either way, we're boned.
Post by: Innominate on September 27, 2010, 12:08:42 am
Post by: Urist McKing on September 27, 2010, 07:07:34 pm
Post by: BadSyntax on September 27, 2010, 08:32:10 pm
Post by: Svarte Troner on September 28, 2010, 01:46:40 pm
Post by: MrGimp on September 29, 2010, 01:02:23 am
I was trying to do an ascii draw scene for the siege. But it takes forever and I havent had time to finish it. I think maybe Ill just use screenshots from Lord of the Rings or something. lol......I dont know. You are the fans. What do you guys think? ASCII Draw siege? Or Lord of the Rings Helms Deep siege? lol =]
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Ze Spy on September 29, 2010, 01:05:58 am
You Earned my Congratuation , Good Luck out there
Post by: MrGimp on September 29, 2010, 01:17:49 am
Looks Like you Got a Company up
You Earned my Congratuation , Good Luck out there
"Feh. How hard could it be?"
-MrGimps last words before being mercilessly crushed by reality.
Post by: Argonnek on September 29, 2010, 06:39:12 pm
I vote for the helms deep siege photos.
Post by: BadSyntax on September 29, 2010, 09:27:09 pm
after 2 weeks
I quit
not long after...
started making my own company
(currently hating that too. but not as much)
Post by: denisol on October 01, 2010, 09:33:43 am
Post by: MrGimp on October 16, 2010, 11:21:41 am
His vision blurred and his eyes began playing tricks on him. He began seeing things that were not there.....or were they?
Twisting images....flashes of colors....and then the horrible visage of his master appeared....
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: BadSyntax on October 16, 2010, 11:48:40 am
In one of the many horrid and unfathomable Hells in Armok's infinite domain, a tortured human sat hunched over a computer, going blind in his one good eye from the eternal pulsing light of his computer screen. He had been staring for so long into the light, he had almost become one with it. He no longer saw the world around him. His entire universe was the screen.you have no idea how hard I just laughed.
His vision blurred and his eyes began playing tricks on him. He began seeing things that were not there.....or were they?
Twisting images....flashes of colors....and then the horrible visage of his master appeared....Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on October 16, 2010, 12:21:33 pm
Chapter #16 - The Siege of Godlymirror
And so it was that the united dwarven and human army arrived at the capital of the Jade Irons, Nomonul....Godlymirror.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siegebegins.jpg)
The human swordsmen and horsemen stood tall along the hilltops surrounding the mountain hall. The mob of allied dwarves and humans completely blocked any chance of escape. The attackers immediately set up position and began assembling their siege engines. The defenders likewise manned the walls with great haste.
The nation of the Jade Irons was quite a formidable foe...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/jadeirons.png)
They had conquered two goblin dark fortress to the northwest of Godlymirror, and had cemented their rule over the highlands of the north. Although these mountains overlooked the elven homelands, they were still of great value and the Jade Irons was truly the only dwarven land that could rival the majesty of Urist's Empire of the Ageless Matched Lashes.
They would have to be crushed mercislessly.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/first.jpg)
Their defense was formidable. The Jade Irons fielded several battalions of dwarven champions. They were defended by walls that were thicker than those around Blockedlance. From atop these walls stood several detachments of marksdwarves.
The attackers began their march to glory under a hail of bolts.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/second.jpg)
The allied human and dwarf attackers took casualties immediately. Some were pierced straight through the brain or heart, and fell immediately. Others carried on mightily with bolts sticking from limbs and torso. As these heroes marched, they left a trail of blood behind them.
But the defender's missile fire did not go without a response. The attackers rained crossbow and ballista fire down upon the tops of the walls and the undefended courtyard. Marksdwarves fell from the top of the battlements into piles of gore. The dwarves in the courtyard rushed forward, toward the safety of the high walls. The walls however, would not offer protection for long, as the dwarves had brought several steam cannons. These rare wonders had not been seen since the days of the demon wars.
The battle was joined. Two mighty empires collided this day, and only one would remain. Luckily...someone videotaped the whole thing....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou2jW7Trtxc (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ou2jW7Trtxc)
The body pile grew higher and higher as the battle raged. Blood flowed like rivers, and Armok was pleased....
Post by: magmaholic on October 16, 2010, 12:24:59 pm
i really tought that we get yearly updates from this time on>:D
seems that i was wrong.
oh,and a war?
AWSUM!
Post by: MrGimp on October 16, 2010, 07:27:52 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring268.png)
The fortress wealth, booze and population continued to grow. Life was prosperous and secure under the fierce leadership of the great Empress of Dwarves.
The fields and groves (both above ground and below ground) were bountiful and lush, and all were now protected by the great outer walls. (The outer walls are almost totally done, when theyre finally complete Ill show an up close shot of the gates and battlements.)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/blockedlancefromabove.png)
Unfortunately, there was a little trouble, however.
Eagle had grown addicted to exercising on his steel screw pump, and in his pursuit of getting pumped up, he flooded his cave.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/eagleflood.png)
Post by: MrGimp on October 16, 2010, 07:49:11 pm
The final assault began...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/helms_deep_charge.jpg)
As the Imperial forces swept in, the 227 year old dwarven King (*explained later) Fikod Claspbrushes wept as his white bearded adviser explained to him the hopelessness of the situation.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/king.jpg)
The carnage of the last assault was the greatest by far, and most of the casualties lay on the side of the Jade Irons. In the end it was only a handful of axelord champions who held off the oncoming Imperial Horde. Among them, a few remaining ranged troops fired the last of their ammunition in desperation.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/legolas.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/gimle.jpg)
"By the Gods! Who let this damnable elf up here?!" cried Gimli.
In the end, the valiant efforts of the Jade Irons' fighting men was all for naught. Their fortified keep fell, their strength broken, their women weeping.
The victorious dwarves and humans stood atop the walls and looked out over the glorious carnage.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/gimli_legolas.jpg)
The great Empress of Dwarves would be pleased....
Post by: Ninja Pichu on October 17, 2010, 12:28:05 am
Post by: nbonaparte on October 18, 2010, 07:34:04 am
CONTINUE.
Post by: denisol on October 18, 2010, 11:38:32 am
Post by: Ze Spy on October 19, 2010, 09:59:55 pm
In one of the many horrid and unfathomable Hells in Armok's infinite domain, a tortured human sat hunched over a computer, going blind in his one good eye from the eternal pulsing light of his computer screen. He had been staring for so long into the light, he had almost become one with it. He no longer saw the world around him. His entire universe was the screen.
His vision blurred and his eyes began playing tricks on him. He began seeing things that were not there.....or were they?
Twisting images....flashes of colors....and then the horrible visage of his master appeared....Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Can't , Stop , Laughing
Post by: MrGimp on October 25, 2010, 12:20:10 pm
The Tale of King Fikod
After the battle, King Fikod Claspbrushes of the Jade Irons was led all the way down south in chains. They did not reach the distant mountain hall of Blockedlance until the year 269. It is was in this great 69th year of the second century after the demon wars that news of the allied victory was brought to Urist, with the broken and defeated King Fikod brought as a juicy reward.
Fikod could not help but wonder what tortures awaited him. Empress Urist seemed more interested in gloating and bragging to King Fikod. She pointed out her wonderful temple and pyramid, and asked Fikod if there was anything like them in his lands. Of course there were not.
After massaging her ego and catering to her superiority complex, Urist demanded Fikod tell his tale. How did his reign begin? Did he have any heirs? She wanted to know if anyone else needed to be killed in order to cement her rule over the new lands. So Fikod began his tale at the beginning...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/history0.jpg)
Fikod had become king when the old King Unib had died in battle against the goblins. Oddly enough, these goblins had been led by a dwarf themselves...a corrupt demon worshipping fellow. Urist was sad to know that she would never meet him.
Anyways, Unib had died in 109. Fikod became King the following year, and immediately began crusading against the goblins.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/history1.jpg)
It was quite a bloody reign. And Fikod had even managed to kill an elf!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/history3.jpg)
These goblins of the north must be incredible slave drivers to have such a mixed stew of demon-worshiping goblin loyalists. Indeed, this was the source of Fikod's very hatred of the goblins. This was the reason he had crusaded against them for so many years. When Urist asked if Fikod had any heirs, he mentioned only one. One lone heir who had died 74 long years ago...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/history4.jpg)
King Fikod wept as he told the tale of his only son, Medtob Hermitpaddles. Fikod's wife had only given him one son before she died at the hands of the goblins during a siege. However, his lost love Minkot had lived long enough to see their son Medtob abducted by goblins! He lived imprisoned in the dark fortress of Tepidmangled for some time, before being accepted into the community and given a job at the Midnight Palace. His dwarven skills in mechanics aided the crude stupid goblins in their attempts at civilization, and Medtob even found love in the arms of an unknown creature! When he was 17, his rash impetuousness got him into a brawl with a cyclops that he only narrowly survived.
Late in life, Medtob got into a dispute that ended with him murdering some damn elf. It took several years, but eventually, a relative of that elf paid Medtob back for the favor.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/history5.jpg)
And with that, the sole heir of the Jade Irons had died. He had died before Urist had ever even set foot in Blockedlance. Now before the Empress sat a broken King, dressed in filthy torn rags, marched until he was skin and bones, and forced to tell the story of his failings to the one who was about to take his life.
Fikdo was crying at this point, and shouted out, "So this is how my 229 years end, huh?"
"229 years?" asked the Empress.
"Yeah.....I was born in 40. I know I should have died at least 59 years ago....but my hatred of goblins and elves has kept me going and going...."
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/history6.jpg)
It was then that Urist realized that this King was quite a dwarfy bastard.....other than the fact that he sat here broken and weeping of course......but still....considering his life, how could she do him the dishonor of summary execution?
Post by: MrGimp on October 25, 2010, 01:32:16 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring269.png)
In celebration of her great victory, and to celebrate this glorious year, Urist has locked herself away with every unmarried nobleman in the depths of her palace. She vows not to return full time to her duties until she has found love!
No one really knew what her duties were, besides barking orders and controlling people through fear and murder...but if she wanted to party then she would party.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/uristparties.jpg)
Throughout the year, in bouts of exuberant drunkenness, she proclaimed dwarven names for random nobles who happened to walk by....
Svarte
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/svarte.jpg)
Denisol
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/denisol.jpg)
Cain
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/cain-1.jpg)
Arbitrax
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/arbitrax.jpg)
Post by: Innominate on October 25, 2010, 10:19:54 pm
Post by: denisol on October 26, 2010, 04:08:46 pm
Post by: The Architect on October 26, 2010, 10:06:47 pm
Oh, hell yes.
Laughing as always in appreciation at the well-done little jokes. I like how you come up with new ways to handle the addition of more "characters" all the time!
Post by: MrGimp on October 30, 2010, 08:32:10 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring270.jpg)
The population of loyal Armok worshiping sycophants continues to grow. It truly was a wonder.
The Empress continued to party all year, leaving Mogror Harbett to come up with a myriad of sick tortures for the defeated King Fikod. The shrieking and wailing filled the hallways of the fortress, and Urist and the other revellers danced to it. They danced and danced and danced.
The High Priest and High Priestess continued to bless everything the Empress did, and so in the eyes of the masses she was the holiest of holy dwarves: The Chosen One who had brought the dwarves to Armok. Even Khamero and Jewelettarette's brood was beginning to believe that maybe she wasnt such a bad Empress after all. After all, things seemed pretty stable. Things were a little more settled around Blockedlance now that the pagans had been all but wiped out. Urist had little reason to kill anyone now. Still...Khmaero ached for revenge for his slaughtered family, and his sons ached for power and glory. Only time could tell their fates.
As the population grew however, they continued to put a strain on the fortress resources. They had been living on top of the fruits of previous generations for far too long. Soon, the drunken revelers would would have to wake from their slumber....
Post by: uggi on October 31, 2010, 07:22:27 am
Post by: MrGimp on October 31, 2010, 09:10:49 am
May I request a dwarf in this epic fortress? Any dwarf will do, hopefully one that ends up horribly mutilated, crushed by a drawbridge or dies in the process of making dwarven science. Name him/her 'Uggi'. Thanks.
Sure, no problem. Im way ahead of the story though, so you wont show up until 278. :(
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on October 31, 2010, 09:12:47 am
Post by: MrGimp on October 31, 2010, 10:05:10 am
Could be dwarfed as anyone. Name him/her JHLL. Preferably him.
Ok youre in. Youll show up right after Uggi.
Post by: MrGimp on October 31, 2010, 10:40:34 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring271.png)
It was spring of 271 one now, and the Empress continued her drunken binge with every single bachelor in the fortress. Some of the dwarves admired the Empress for her 'never say die' attitude, her unwillingness to give up, and her obsession with her own fertility. Others did not admire so much....namely Khamero and his sons. They had hoped their fool of a brother/uncle would get his act together and take advantage of his special relationship with Urist. He had been given many chances to release his spores in the Empress over many decades, and still he had not done so. Now, there was a chance Urist would marry someone outside the Grand-Ducal family. On the other hand, Airag, Imhotep, Xanthius 2.0, and Calibur were all taken part in the massive orgy...as well as a few of the younger sons. So Khamero took comfort in the knowledge that there was still a good chance one of his brood could seduce the vile Urist and take her Empire from within.
On Urist's part, she was getting quite worried. She was nearing the end of a natural dwarven life, she would turn 117 this year, and still she had no heir. The stress was growing day by day, and she hoped this great orgy could solve all of her problems. That was why she ignored all of her duties. She had to have a son....a beautiful, blood god worshiping son!
The orgy reached a climax this year (one of several) when the son of Petbeard and Kurk Quorcane created an artifact to honor Urist. He displayed it to her during the party, hoping he could win her favor and release his spores in her.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/dehfawckmood.png)
Dehfawck wanted to be Emperor!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/dehfawckartifact.png)
"Here you are my Empress, a dolomite earring I have made just for you!" said Dehfawck solemnly as he bowed and presented the gift in its velvet case. Urist picked it up and eyed it critically.
"A dolomite earring?" she asked, obviously not impressed. "Come on kid....look Im several decades older than you so let me give you some advice. When you try to woo a woman...make sure its gold or diamonds....something shiny. Women like shiny things....not plain milky white flux stone."
"Oh."
"Now get lost, Im gonna go bang the High Priest."
Dehfawck walked away sulking. He was devestated.
It was then that the doors to the great hall burst open, and there stood a guard, looking very skinny with his armor hanging loosely upon his body. He looked emaciated and his cheeks were sunken in. "My Empress!!! Empress!" he shouted in his exasperated voice. "Tosid has starved to death!"
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/starvationdeath1.jpg)
A gasp went through the room.
"WHAT?!" shouted Urist as she made her way to the front of the room. Everyone expected her to immediately take charge of the situation, and solve the problem. But she had other ideas. "How dare you interrupt my party with your trifling matters!!! Tosid isnt even an ancient dwarvish name. Who cares about a guy with no name? Now get lost, Im trying to get laid!"
With that, the Empress kicked the guard out of the room, slammed the door, and bolted it shut.
"Now lets party!"
Meanwhile, while the Empress continued to party, more and more dwarves began to go hungry...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/starving.jpg)
The population had grown to over 80 dwarves by now. And there hadnt been a full time farming force in decades. The dwarves of Blockedlance had been living off of the bounty wrought from the ground by a group of long dead farmers. There was nothing left...and with a fortress full of dandy nobles, who was going to do the dirty work and put some food on the table?
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on October 31, 2010, 02:43:58 pm
Post by: TALLPANZER on October 31, 2010, 06:43:02 pm
Ok, we are all going to play a party game. I call it, "put the plump spawn into the ground"
who ever puts the most spawn in the ground wins.
Ok GO!
Post by: MrGimp on October 31, 2010, 08:22:01 pm
Being the most entitled noble other than Urist, the Grand Duchess immediately assumed control of the fortress while the Empress was away.
"I say, the problem seems simple enough. We just tell the peasants to get in the mud and grow some seeds!"
"Yes, but there are NO peasants left!" cried Khamero. "We killed them all! The survivors were put in the military....uhhh....including my mom."
"Well then....it seems that some nobility is just going to have to be more noble than others," said Slemsvamp. "Be a dear, Khamero, my boy, round up your daughters and the bratty children of the Dungeon Master and Philosopher. Have some of them forage in the bushes and in the muddy caverns for some edibles right now. Then have the remainder plant our stocks of plump helmet spawn. Dont forget to assign a brewer and a cook. Better make it two of each."
"What? You mean.....have my children....w...wo....wor...work?" Khamero could barely get the words out. He himself had known a childhood full of work....and had thought he had saved his family from the cold grip of endless toil.
"Hmmph....well, they can be noble and starve, or get in the fields and live," reminded the Grand Duchess, as if she had no part in this. "Now shoo! You have some work to do!"
"Yes mother," said Khamero to his mother-in-law before skulking off. He could only hope more of his children would not die before the bushes in the courtyard could be foraged.
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on October 31, 2010, 08:27:01 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 31, 2010, 09:40:16 pm
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on October 31, 2010, 09:59:47 pm
Post by: MrGimp on October 31, 2010, 11:46:01 pm
"But we're NOBLE!!!!" they all had shouted.
"I work all the time. I dont know what you are complaining about," Khamero cried in response.
"Yeah but you just detail stone!" cried one. "Yeah, thats not hard work!" shouted another. "Mining, masonry, any kind of crafting....now those are noble professions....if indeed one absolutely has to work at all. Why cant we do that?"
"But we need food!"
"Well....maybe we can be brewers, then?" said one. At once, everyone shouted their delight with this idea. "Yeah Ill make the booze!" shouted a voice. "Yeah me too!" shouted several others.
It was useless. There was no reasoning with them. Khamero reached for that last tool of diplomacy that always worked: violence.
"If you dont get to work and feed this fortress I will sick the fortress guard on you at once! Now go gather every berry and grass from out in the field and start handing it out to the starving ones. You two, start cooking up whatever you find. When you're done with that, start farming, for gods sakes! Anyone who disobeys will spend time in the catacombs in a cage next to King Fikod, do I make myself clear?" There was utter silence. The dwarves knew they were defeated. They began to rationalize their fate as the lesser of two evils. Maybe it wasnt so bad to roll around in the mud? Its better than being stuck in a cage. Or poked with something sharp by one of the guards.
Yes, you had to know when to fold em.
"Geeze Hitler, we're going." pleaded one. "Yeah, you dont have to shout like that, we have dignity too!" said another. They marched off to work. Under his breathe, one last dwarf remarked, "You know, I hate to sound like a pagan, but this fortress is starting to feel like a police state."
Post by: MrGimp on October 31, 2010, 11:51:13 pm
Chapter #17 - Even a Urist Feels Love
There was good news this, the 68th year of reclamation.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring272.jpg)
First, through Khamero's great effort, and the practical sacrifice of his offspring's nobility, the fortress had managed to eek through the famine without any more dead. But that was nothing. No.....something even more miraculous has happened this year. That cold hearted bitch has finally done it. Somewhere in that black heart of hers she has found room for another, and they have found room for her....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UristLOVES.jpg)
Post by: Eagle on November 01, 2010, 12:03:44 am
Post by: Bormok, God of Mud on November 01, 2010, 12:42:23 am
Post by: Argonnek on November 01, 2010, 07:03:09 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on November 01, 2010, 08:30:34 pm
It's like the earth just shattered into a lot of not-delicious broken earth-ey bits
I mean,
URIST?
In LOVE?
Post by: TALLPANZER on November 02, 2010, 01:10:48 am
Post by: Yoink on November 02, 2010, 06:38:13 am
That's awesome!... Er, could someone maybe PM me a brief rundown of the story so far? I don't really have the time to read through 140 pages, even if they are awesome... :)
Post by: MrGimp on November 02, 2010, 10:06:46 am
Wow... Well, I certainly came in late here, I just read the first and last pages, but wow? Urist is still alive?
That's awesome!... Er, could someone maybe PM me a brief rundown of the story so far? I don't really have the time to read through 140 pages, even if they are awesome... :)
All 140 pages are definitely not awesome, despite what some kind souls may say. Theres plenty of insane ramblings and drunk talk.
For a quick read through the story that touches on all the major points, you should read the first two chapters, then read the first page of 'Goodbye Sanity' and the first page of 'Jewel of Life'. Then check out Post 666 and the Scroll of Death. Its all linked on the first page. I think those posts will give you the gist of the story.
Post by: filiusenox on November 02, 2010, 07:36:27 pm
Is the name promised to anybody?
Post by: MrGimp on November 03, 2010, 12:40:51 am
URIST?
In LOVE?
HEY!!! Even a Urist feels love!
Well clearly now she must die. Hopefully in some Ironic, painful, and humorous way. Perhaps involving onions.
Patience. She is actually coming up on a possible natural death. She can drop dead at any moment within the next 30-60 years, according to the raws for the dwarven lifespan. And Im ahead of the story 10 years right now (trying to catch up) so really in 20-50 more years this bitch is dead no matter what.
Fucking mortality.
Badass, a dwarven heir from an ancient crone.
Is the name promised to anybody?
I dont know. Ive had to think about that a bit lately. I think the first male heir is mine. I'm going to name him Damian. All other heirs are open of course, and if Damian dies (intentionally or not) then the throne is up for grabs.
Post by: MrGimp on November 03, 2010, 01:08:29 am
Up Close With Kulaka Whipcolor
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/crazy_beards_5.jpg)
So who is Kulaka Whipcolor?
He is the High Priest of Armok, and when he is not committing ritualistic sex acts upon the High Priestess while splashing around in a pool blood, he is happily doing as commanded by his majestic Empress. He is a true loyalist, through and through. He has been in the fortress since the first or second migrant wave. He helped Urist replace the old Queen and her henchmen with her magnificent self. He was a major character early on in the story, when he went by his original birth name of Thob.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/kulaka.jpg)
He likes Adamantine, River Spirits, and long walks on the beach. His years of loyalty to Urist and faithfulness to the blood god make him a truly remarkable candidate for the father of a new Imperial line. Armok is truly pleased and delighted with this unholy union.
Post by: maxicaxi on November 03, 2010, 02:25:12 am
Post by: Yoink on November 03, 2010, 07:14:15 am
Pure. Awesome. :D
I'll definitely keep checking in. can hardly believe Urist is still alive after all that.... Fun. Truly Armok protects her!
Well, at least in the bit I read.
Post by: MrGimp on November 03, 2010, 09:33:42 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring273.jpg)
Not much happened this year. Khamero, under orders from his mother-in-law the Grand Duchess, continued to administer farms and farmers and the gathering of plants. There was plenty of food, if only the Empress had been able to manage an ounce of compassion for her people. However, she was too busy with her new love to worry about feeding peasants.
It was infuriating to Khamero. He had waited too long. His sons had failed to seduce the old wrinkled bag. That damn High Priest was about to ruin everything. Soon there would be a wedding, and Kulaka would release his spores and steal the Imperial throne away from Khamero's bloodline.
He and his sons would now plot and scheme twice as hard.
In other news...Denisol Noblerope has been spending his time far away from the sun, deep in the mountain extracting adamantine for Urist.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/denisolnoblerope.jpg)
I just thought that was an awesome name for a strand extractor. 'Noblerope'.
Post by: MrGimp on November 03, 2010, 09:47:33 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring274.jpg)
The Empress turns 120 this year, and throws a big celebration. It is the talk of the fortress when she shows up to the party escorted by the High Priest Kulaka. Duke Travolta is now visibly on the outs, and has been seen getting drunk and hanging out with the Court Musician Kurk Quorcane. As the two former lovers of Urist, their access to life is very tenuous.
In other news, the Stonecutters have finished the outer walls...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Blockedlance274.png)
These damn walls were even bigger construction projects than the temple or even the pyramid. They caused the emptying of our stone stockpiles several times, which is good, because digging all these adventurer tunnels and traps with a bunch of legendary Stonecutters produces a lot of stone.
Here is a view of the Temple of Armok from atop the walls looking west.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Blockedlance2.png)
And here, in all its awesomeness, is the giant skull at the bottom of the pyramid....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Blockedlance3.png)
Post by: RavingManiac on November 03, 2010, 11:31:12 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on November 05, 2010, 08:19:06 pm
Post by: MrGimp on November 06, 2010, 11:22:24 am
Wait , Am i reading the Real thing?
I don't know. Are you?
Post by: MrGimp on November 06, 2010, 11:26:57 am
If you want Visual Fortress to make the pyramid have the same proportions as the actual pyramids, try setting the block dimensions to z14, x11, y11, so that the gradients of the sides are similar.
Ok I tried it. The pyramid looks good but everything else is all squatty looking...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/bl.jpg)
I guess this is what Blockedlance would actually look like in real life, though, as I'd imagine dwarven structures WOULD look squatty to human eyes.
Post by: MrGimp on November 06, 2010, 11:34:03 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring275.jpg)
The population continues to climb mercilessly. Look at this! Only a handful of pagans....and theyre all in the military (except for Khamero and Eagle). We started with 1, then climbed up to a population of 234 at our highest, then we went down to 43 at our lowest after all the pagan killings. Now here we are, the stock of an Armok worshiping dwarven master race!
Huzzah!!!
Not much happens this year. Mogror Harbett's new engineering project has been the further expansion of the outer walls to build a more grand entrance to the fortress proper. Jewelettarette is still mayor of the fortress (shes had that locked up for several decades now) and Khamero is still barking orders at his younger sons and daughters to get these spoiled noble brats to work. As you can see above, the food stockpiles are still low, and the booze stockpiles arent full enough for 92 dwarves either.
With Urist falling in love, that will soon be three couples having 1.33 babies per year. 3 * 1.33 = 4. We will be getting 4 babies per year once Urist marries. That is a LOT of poopy diapers.
Post by: DrakenMaster on November 07, 2010, 08:40:28 am
Name can be Draken. For either gender.
Post by: MrGimp on November 07, 2010, 10:51:59 am
Marvelous time to reach finally reach the present in the story. Mind if I call dibs on the first heir of Urist not already claimed by yourself?
Name can be Draken. For either gender.
Ok Ill add you. Still have 5 years to go though, haha
Post by: MrGimp on November 07, 2010, 11:00:27 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring276.jpg)
Kulaka continues to wine and dine the old Empress. Food and drink stockpiles are still not very plentiful and the population continues to grow.
Our military continues to train. Our two marksdwarf squads take turns training in the old barracks. After firing countless numbers of wooden bolts, they start becoming champion level, just like our axedwarfs.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/kipichamp.jpg)
In other news....
Someone died!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/lorbamdead.jpg)
I was shocked at first because I assumed it was an Armok worshiper. That was when I remembered a couple of the Stonecutters were still pagan. So good riddance to this trash. He didnt even have a memorable name. I'm glad hes dead. If he hadnt died I woulda killed him.
Stil....
It vexes me how he died. Theres enough booze....and even if there werent, theres still a few murky pools left, and several places in the underground river system to drink. How did he die from thirst????
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/lorbamdead2.jpg)
Oh. He walled himself onto an isolated ledge. What an idiot.
Post by: Argonnek on November 07, 2010, 01:00:48 pm
Quote from: MrGimp
Oh. He walled himself onto an isolated ledge. What an idiot.I lol'd.
Post by: Akigagak on November 07, 2010, 07:02:33 pm
Any military dwarves bumming around that could conceivably be plot-twisted as his spawn?
Post by: MrGimp on November 07, 2010, 09:56:02 pm
I know you're ahead in the story, but the legacy of Akigagak Citylancers, the Romantic Flayer, Lord of Bondage and Scourge of Goblinkind must return!
Any military dwarves bumming around that could conceivably be plot-twisted as his spawn?
Actually, I plan on the return of Lord Akigagak! Plus a couple other dwarves....
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on November 07, 2010, 10:11:45 pm
Post by: MrGimp on November 07, 2010, 10:12:29 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring277.png)
96 dwarves. And counting.
Booze stockpiles are rising, but food is still somewhat low, although manageable. Khamero made a couple more of his spoiled kids cook and brew for us so that we could guarantee a 24/7 production line.
But who cares about babies and booze, when love is in the air?
Tensions are high in the fortress as Urist openly snubs the Duke. Khamero and his clan are being forced to work to keep the fortress fed, and instead of the new nobility, it seems the majority of his offspring will now make up the new peasantry. The foul mood of the fortress possesses a young child...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/childpossessed.jpg)
In an effort to win over the Empress, and preserve the lives of he and his family, a young child has gone all creative and OCD on us. He presents the Empress with a gift of an artifact crown...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/childartifactdolomitecrown.jpg)
Syrupticks eh? That sounds like a horrible affliction. I wouldn't want to have sex with anyone that had syrup ticks. It's not quite as fancy as Urist's raw adamantine crown, but hey, it's an artifact. And hey, Urist has a use for a crown that is not as nice as hers, for in this year, at long last, the 123 year old Empress finally marries!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/uristMARRIES.jpg)
There is a massive celebration and a huge feast that Khamero's children are forced to prepare and cater. During the celebration, Empress Urist crowns her new husband Kulaka Whipcolor the Priest-King of Blockedlance!
All hail Empress Urist! All hail the Priest-King of Armok! Blood for the Blood God!
Post by: Argonnek on November 08, 2010, 01:50:11 am
Post by: maxicaxi on November 08, 2010, 04:10:34 am
Blood For The Blood God!
Post by: Yoink on November 08, 2010, 08:21:51 am
Wait, you did check him for SDIs before letting him 'marry' the empress?! D:
:D You don't know WHERE that spiky beard has been!
Post by: denisol on November 09, 2010, 06:50:23 am
Post by: filiusenox on November 11, 2010, 07:59:34 pm
May I have the next Dwarven child not born to the Clan Of Noble Peasents?
Maybe the second son of Urist?
By the way what would happen if there were twins?
Post by: MrGimp on November 12, 2010, 09:48:02 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring278.jpg)
Glorious. The fortress is now worth over 18 million copper coins. Most of it resides in the Imperial Palace in the form of artifacts and gold and platinum stuff.
Speaking of the palace....finally, at long last, we're muddying the caverns under the palace. The Imperial River Garden shall bloom with mold and mud, as is proper for a dwarven fortress!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/swimmerpumper.jpg)
It was also this year, that a miracle was bestowed upon our fortress....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/uristborn1.jpg)
The Empress has given birth to a....girl.....ugh. Who cares about stupid ole girls? We need an heir dammit....and that takes a penis!
But it's all good, we can make more babies. The first born daughter of the Empress is named Princess Uggi. All hail Princess Uggi!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/PrincessUggi.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on November 12, 2010, 09:49:01 am
Hail!
May I have the next Dwarven child not born to the Clan Of Noble Peasents?
Maybe the second son of Urist?
By the way what would happen if there were twins?
If they were twins that would cause the 40d universe to explode.
I can add you, but Uggi, JHLL, and Draken are in front of you. What do you want me to name the kid?
Post by: MrGimp on November 12, 2010, 09:50:26 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/priestking.jpg)
Post by: Eagle on November 12, 2010, 09:59:03 am
Oh and I also might as well show this. This is the stats for the Priest-King Kulaka.Dat floodgate
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/priestking.jpg)
Post by: uggi on November 12, 2010, 10:23:13 am
But it's all good, we can make more babies. The first born daughter of the Empress is named Princess Uggi. All hail Princess Uggi!!!
Muhaha, so I get to be Urist's personal human shield! Excellent!
That reminds me of one of my first fortresses, where a tantrum spiral caused this dwarf to go berserk. She started to beat the crap out of the nearest dwarf, which turned out to be her own baby she was carrying. That was hilarious.
Post by: bayar on November 12, 2010, 12:19:33 pm
Post by: MrGimp on November 12, 2010, 08:17:32 pm
My god. This fortress will never die now.
Yeah it does kinda drag it out huh? A while back, I was planning on just wiping the fortress out and giving Urist a violent end. But now we at least need to see her little evil ones grow up...so we might as well carry on to see Urist die a natural death. The adventure tunnels are going to take a while to build anyways. Urist will probably die of old age and they still wont be completed.
So kick back....this is going to be a while. :)
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on November 12, 2010, 09:48:34 pm
Post by: Innominate on November 12, 2010, 10:53:19 pm
Keep it going no matter what. Even if it's 3 generations after Urist, it needs to keep going.That's what they did with Dune, and look how that turned out.
Post by: bayar on November 13, 2010, 09:17:24 am
Keep it going no matter what. Even if it's 3 generations after Urist, it needs to keep going.
Yeah, like The Young and the Restless.
Post by: MrGimp on November 13, 2010, 12:57:37 pm
But it's all good, we can make more babies. The first born daughter of the Empress is named Princess Uggi. All hail Princess Uggi!!!
Muhaha, so I get to be Urist's personal human shield! Excellent!
You know, more than a human shield you are still a potential heir. Afterall, the last two monarchs of the Ageless Matched Lashes have been female. I would imagine the first born daughter of the Empress would not see her vagina as a disqualification. So Princess Uggi would definitely have some animosity towards the male heir.
Post by: MrGimp on November 13, 2010, 01:01:46 pm
Keep it going no matter what. Even if it's 3 generations after Urist, it needs to keep going.
I dont know...it would be cool to have a dwarven lineage of Empresses and Emperors. On the other hand, I want there to be some adventure fun eventually...and the sooner the better.
Also, the endless siege bug is making it kinda boring.
Post by: MrGimp on November 13, 2010, 01:34:48 pm
On one hand, Christes was relieved, as the obliteration of the entire multiverse did not sound fun. However, the telepath was growing more and more depressed as the endless flow of time continued to pour down upon him and torture his poor soul. He was going madder than usual, and was even less fun to talk to than he already had been. Christes began trying to hone her own telepathic powers and find her lover Tradan. She had been able to catch brief glimpses in her minds eye. She saw flashes of blue....she almost thought it looked like microcline. But she couldnt make out Tradan. When she tried to speak out to him she heard only the rubbing of stone against stone.
What did it all mean? What had happened to him?
"STOP IT!!!" shouted the voice of the telepath in Christes' head. Christes looked up from her meditations to see him coming at her in a rage. She stood up. "JUST STOP IT NOW!!!! IVE HAD ENOUGH!!!"
"What are you talking about?"
"That lover of yours! Stop thinking about him! You've been doing it for years and every time you think about him all I can see and hear is that blue monster shouting at you....but you never answer him!" The telepath was breathing heavily and looked incredibly stressed out. "I'm over here trying to wait for the end of the universe, and you just wont shut up! It's driving me crazy!!!"
"I'm driving YOU crazy?" asked Christes in shock. There was a pause before she spoke again. "What do you mean he is shouting at me? I just hear some kind of grinding sound."
"Stone speech!!! Your lover has been turned to stone. I see him vividly...floating in the void....a broken piece of microcline, singing 99 bottles of beer endlessly."
"Oh....my poor Tradan! Hes here in the void though? What is he saying to me? Where is he?"
"Hes far from here, dwarf. He is trying to tell you he loves you though.....and he is asking if you have any ointment. Stone skin is quite a rash you see."
"Can we go to him?"
"Oh yes I could take you there....it would be quite a journey though. We shall have to sail the Sea of Nothing, passed the Island of Whiteness, then we must traverse the Plains of Emptiness and the Forest of Blank. And even then, we would still have the Empty Winds to fly through, and Abyssal Void to float through, and we still wouldnt even be at the Infinite Road yet....and we have to go WAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYY down that road to get to your Tradan."
"It sounds like a long boring journey....but please, you must help me find him!" she cried.
"Ugh....I guess I better. Otherwise Ill never hear the end of this noise. Come on.....it's going to take us many years. Let's get started....."
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on November 13, 2010, 01:37:47 pm
Post by: Argonnek on November 13, 2010, 07:11:08 pm
Post by: Ninja Pichu on November 17, 2010, 11:57:31 am
Post by: MrGimp on November 18, 2010, 11:48:36 pm
Chapter #18 - An Heir to the Throne
Spring of 279.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring279.jpg)
Urist turns 125 years old this spring, having lived at Blockedlance for the last 75 years. Three quarters of a century had passed by - the majority of her life - here in this fortress. When she had come it was nothing but a bloody burning hole in the ground. Now, it was the capital of the dwarven world.
It was the height of dwarven civilization, with crafts of all types. There wasnt anything the dwarves of Blockedlance couldnt craft. Why....they even made soap (No dwarf would use it however).
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/soap.jpg)
Urist gave thought to the possibility of a soap tower....but how many more decades could she last? In 25 years she would be getting quite old in age and would probably meet a natural end not long after. It was time that she left a lasting mark on the world, something more than pyramids, temples, and buildings of soap. She wanted to leave something of the great Urist to pass onto the next generation.
In this year of 279, Urist Salvedangers the Foggy Barbs gave birth to an heir to her adamantine throne...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/uristheir.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/lucifer.jpg)
All hail Crown Prince Lucifer!!! May he bring light unto the dwarves!!!
Post by: TheSummoner on November 19, 2010, 12:08:27 am
Post by: MrGimp on November 19, 2010, 12:11:34 am
About the seige, have you tried turning off invasions in the RAWs?
Didnt work, but it was a good idea.
IIRC, you have used DC many times, so why not go through the list of dead and make sure all of the dead tags are in order. That should solve your endless siege bug problem.
All the dead tags??? Theres over 4 HUNDRED dead in this fortress. And thats just counting DWARVES. To go through the 1000 or 2000 goblin and elf corpses would be a gigantic pain in a place where pain is most unpleasant.
I think it was caused by one of my last rounds of modding (which was decades ago in game years). I might try to redownload DF and see if fresh raws get it working properly.
Even if all else fails however, I have a plan to give the fortress a proper end. Ragnarok is unavoidable. Endless siege bugs will not save these dwarves.
Post by: Innominate on November 19, 2010, 12:40:48 am
Post by: darkflagrance on November 19, 2010, 02:56:56 am
About the seige, have you tried turning off invasions in the RAWs?
Didnt work, but it was a good idea.IIRC, you have used DC many times, so why not go through the list of dead and make sure all of the dead tags are in order. That should solve your endless siege bug problem.
All the dead tags??? Theres over 4 HUNDRED dead in this fortress. And thats just counting DWARVES. To go through the 1000 or 2000 goblin and elf corpses would be a gigantic pain in a place where pain is most unpleasant.
I think it was caused by one of my last rounds of modding (which was decades ago in game years). I might try to redownload DF and see if fresh raws get it working properly.
Even if all else fails however, I have a plan to give the fortress a proper end. Ragnarok is unavoidable. Endless siege bugs will not save these dwarves.
I'm not sure, but Dwarf Companion might sort the list of enemy units by the order in which they arrived at the fort. The game might also record units differently if you altered the name of goblins between sieges. If this is so, you only have to begin searching at chronologically for members of the last siege; the bug must have been with one of them, after all.
Using this method, I have personally broken the endless siege bug multiple times on a fort of 50 years (using Relentless Assault and further additional enemy civs I added myself, so the enemy numbers were comparable to those in Blockedlance). It's not as impossible as it sounds.
Post by: uggi on November 19, 2010, 07:34:37 am
Post by: MrGimp on November 19, 2010, 08:15:06 pm
I'm not sure, but Dwarf Companion might sort the list of enemy units by the order in which they arrived at the fort. The game might also record units differently if you altered the name of goblins between sieges. If this is so, you only have to begin searching at chronologically for members of the last siege; the bug must have been with one of them, after all.
Using this method, I have personally broken the endless siege bug multiple times on a fort of 50 years (using Relentless Assault and further additional enemy civs I added myself, so the enemy numbers were comparable to those in Blockedlance). It's not as impossible as it sounds.
I looked and found some goblins. When I clicked zoom in DC the DF screen centered on my empty courtyard. I think these are my caged goblins however. I dont know why DF doesnt center on them correctly...but I dont think I see the bugged goblins. Do you know what Im looking for? How can I distinguish between a caged goblin and a bugged goblin without being able to center on them correctly?
Thanks for the help!
Post by: nbonaparte on November 19, 2010, 08:17:56 pm
Post by: darkflagrance on November 20, 2010, 01:05:09 am
I'm not sure, but Dwarf Companion might sort the list of enemy units by the order in which they arrived at the fort. The game might also record units differently if you altered the name of goblins between sieges. If this is so, you only have to begin searching at chronologically for members of the last siege; the bug must have been with one of them, after all.
Using this method, I have personally broken the endless siege bug multiple times on a fort of 50 years (using Relentless Assault and further additional enemy civs I added myself, so the enemy numbers were comparable to those in Blockedlance). It's not as impossible as it sounds.
I looked and found some goblins. When I clicked zoom in DC the DF screen centered on my empty courtyard. I think these are my caged goblins however. I dont know why DF doesnt center on them correctly...but I dont think I see the bugged goblins. Do you know what Im looking for? How can I distinguish between a caged goblin and a bugged goblin without being able to center on them correctly?
Thanks for the help!
The bugged goblins will most likely be at the edge of the map; at least, that's where I found the bugged gobbos. Dwarf Companion should list two check boxes that have "deceased" next to them. All truly dead creatures will have both ticked off. The bugged ones will have only one ticked off.
The courtyard gobbos might be slain gobbos as well as captured ones.
Post by: Kaberton on November 27, 2010, 11:41:03 pm
Post by: stolensteel on November 29, 2010, 10:17:01 pm
~EDIT~
And, I'm caught up! My, what an event this has been.
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on December 07, 2010, 08:21:45 am
Post by: MrGimp on December 10, 2010, 01:46:00 pm
While your working on that, has my guy been up to anything at all?
You are a champion level marksdwarf. You spend your days guarding the rooftop of the old barracks, morning noon and night, readying yourself for a siege that never comes.
I'm not actually caught up yet (still on page 78), but would it be possible to get a list of dwarfs that are available?
There are many grand-children of the Grand-Duchess still available, as well as kids of the Dungeon Master and Court Musician. But you can also get in line for one of Urist's kids. They're popping out once a year or so.
Bump. Also, is there a way to get a larger screen size in 40d so I can see more map?
Its in the init file. df -> data -> init -> init.txt. The values you are looking for is grid and full grid. You have to do some math by diving your screen resolution dimensions by 8 and 12.
Post by: MrGimp on December 10, 2010, 02:30:59 pm
Urist wondered how her daughter Uggi would react when she grew to be old enough to realize that her crown had been lost due to her vagina, even though the last two monarchs had HAD vaginas. It was not Urist's intention to have the Empire ruled by amazons forever. Urist had always imagined that a womans role was to lounge around in comfort and luxury. Let the men handle the hard work and the devilish details. Give them the crown, let them fight and die over it. In her wildest most reckless hopes, Urist dreamed that Uggi would grow up and seduce one of the male Khamerites (descendants of Khamero) into supporting her for the rest of her life, thus cementing the two noble lines together and hopefully easing the growing tension. Of course, that could always cause more tension as the sons of Uggi might try to take the crown from Lucifer's descendants.
Urist fretted over what the best course of action was. All she really knew was that the Khamerites were a liability now. As the largest faction of dwarves they controlled the mayors office, and through Khamero's marriage to Jewelettarette, they held great influence over the Grand Duchess and the Duke. Duke Travolta was was also a scorned lover of Urist, cast aside for refusing to release his spores into the Empress when commanded. Unrest was almost guaranteed within this fortress. Urist aligned herself with her other old lover Kurk Quorcane and his wife the Dungeon Master Petbeard. The Kurkish bloodline was nowhere near as large as the Khamerite clan, but it would bolster Urist's numbers until she could breed enough children to secure her position.
These next few years would be the most dangerous for her...
Post by: nil on December 10, 2010, 02:31:55 pm
Post by: MrGimp on December 10, 2010, 02:43:24 pm
Is my noble-namesake an adult yet?
Nil Thundershield is our skilled Bone Carver. With the siege bug, there are few bones. However, while filling up a tree farm with water, the river lowered enough to queue up some hauling jobs. From the depths of the river our fine dwarves have pulled dozens of old snakeman and frogman skeletons. Most of your carving skill has come from that.
Post by: MrGimp on December 10, 2010, 03:14:38 pm
One night....the madness just seemed to creep over her....
She knew the other dwarves could not live...
They were criminals...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/beat1.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/beat2.jpg)
She beat them here, she beat them there
Urist beat them everywhere
She did not weep or stop to think
She only stopped to have a drink
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/beat3.jpg)
They tantrumed, screamed, cried and moaned
When Urist's fists broke through their bone
Their pain so great, that in the fray
A stray tamed horse became enraged
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/beat5.jpg)
Denisol, mad he went
For his life was soon to end
Others soon they joined him there
The madness it spread everywhere
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/fistfighttantrums.jpg)
"I'll fight you!" I heard someone shout
Fisticuffs had broken out
Brothers, cousins, turned to strike
And Armok here he smiled wide
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TallpanzerBeatdown.jpg)
Tallpanzer just got beaten down
They beat you up in this here town
Bruised and bloodied he shambled off
But soon his mind, completely lost
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/beat6.jpg)
Deduk, Leesin, Nil got sad
Boo fuckin hoo, go grow some nads
Eventually, calm overcame
Accepting like dwarves, their dwarvish fate
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/beat4.jpg)
The few survivors tried to clean
The gore that once their friends had been
These memories wont wash away
Dragged like bodies to their grave
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/mooserecovers.jpg)
And then....
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: Di on December 10, 2010, 03:22:44 pm
I've been watching this for a long time and your story keeps amazing me, good work.
Post by: stolensteel on December 10, 2010, 10:12:05 pm
Post by: MrGimp on December 11, 2010, 12:11:35 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring280.jpg)
King Fikod sat on a tower cap chair, locked deep within the fortress. In front of him, on a diorite table, sat four lit candles. Mogror Harbett paced up and down, staring at the fallen King. He had been torturing the poor monarch for about a decade now. Still, Mogror had not had enough.
"How many candles are there?" he asked, his voice stern and cold.
"Please....I cant take it anymore!" cried Fikod.
"Then just tell me what I need to know. How many candles are there?" Mogror asked again, losing patience.
"I see four candles, sir..." answered Fikod. He knew what was coming next. Mogror came around the table and punched Fikod in his face as hard as he could. His two and a half century old skull could barely keep from collapsing in on itself.
"There are FIVE candles! Now...tell me....how many candles do you see?"
"No!"
Mogror hit him again. "How many do you see?"
"Five!!! I see five!"
There was a pause. Mogror smiled cruelly. "You see five candles?" he asked.
Fikod looked again at the table. There were four candles, as there had always been. But if Mogror wanted to hear five, Fikod was not going to resist him anymore. "Yes," he spoke at last. His voice was shaky and weak from the beatings. "Yes....it is as you say. I see five candles."
Another brief pause. Then suddenly, Mogror leapt at Fikod again, beating him even more viciously this time. "Are you BLIND dwarf? Theres FOUR!!!"
Mogror continued to beat the helpless old dwarf day in and day out. He never grew tired of it. Especially now that Fikod was completely broken. Fikod, for his part, continued to beg the Gods to let him die. He had already lived far longer than any dwarf since Old Beard and Mogror. His family was dead, his crown had been taken, his kingdom was occupied.....it seemed there was nothing left but to die. Why wasnt he being allowed to die?
Post by: MrGimp on December 11, 2010, 12:15:20 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/draken.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/fili.jpg)
Note - It seems that Urist's children are less fanatical in their worship of Armok than the Khamerites and Kurkites. I guess being born into power they sorta feel the equal of the Gods, and dont spend as much time on them.
Post by: MrGimp on December 11, 2010, 12:15:37 pm
Okay, I'd like to join in line on the succession chain to be birthed then. Male or female, I'll take the name Steel.
Ok youre in.
Post by: filiusenox on December 11, 2010, 05:09:10 pm
Post by: Yoink on December 12, 2010, 02:48:27 am
Keep up the story!
Post by: TALLPANZER on December 12, 2010, 01:26:55 pm
Am I old enough to place work orders yet?
or Am I a "working class" nob?
Post by: Ninja Pichu on December 13, 2010, 02:57:09 am
Post by: vrga on December 13, 2010, 11:54:48 am
Post by: MrGimp on December 14, 2010, 01:16:58 am
Can I be the one who enforces his brother Lucifer's will without thought? (So I don't die?)
Ha! You think THAT will save you? In this world, we play by Armok's rules. EVERYONE dies.
Oh, wow! This story is great, I just checked back for the first time in a while... Can I hop in line for the next dwarf to be born anywhere in the fortress? Name 'em Yoigan, if that's okay. :)
Keep up the story!
Okay youre in after Steel.
Yay for not being beaten to madness!
Am I old enough to place work orders yet?
or Am I a "working class" nob?
You are a good hard working yoeman of the land (a sucker). You make lye. Then you turn it into potash. Then you go make lye again.
Woo! As far as I currently know, I live! Live to hoard everything I can in my room!
Whats your characters name again? Chare? Yeah shes still hoarding. And Ive been putting golden statues all throughout you and your siblings' rooms. Gotta have some bling bling, all proper and shit.
mr gimp, could we get screenshots of urist's thoughts and preferences and kill screens?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/uristpersonality.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/uristkills-1.jpg)
All her notable kills are dwarves, but she hasnt killed in a long time. Urist hungers for more dwarf blood.
Post by: vrga on December 14, 2010, 05:39:11 am
Post by: MrGimp on December 14, 2010, 05:34:36 pm
hmmm... i would have figured she'd have a higher kill-count than just 32... (on the dorf screen at least, i guess murder by lever doesnt count :p )
Yeah, unfortunately the ordering of mass death doesnt really count as murder.....which is pretty much how it is in real life too.
Post by: MrGimp on December 14, 2010, 10:18:27 pm
Winston Smith wandered aimlessly along the edge of the lava moat. He had been given an order to build a wall. He had built the wall exactly to Big Brother's expectations (any other way was suicide). Upon completion he found himself ledged up and stuck. He cried to be let out. He begged for others to deconstruct the wall. He begged for permission to deconstruct the wall himself. However, he knew not to damage the fortress without permission. He loved the fortress as he loved Big Brother. Surely Big Brother would not forget such a loyal and industrious unit of production as himself....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/winstonsmithdead281b.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/winstonsmithdead281.jpg)
Winston's body now lays next to the lava, half cooked by the heat and smelling delightful...much better than the vomitous lard cooked up in the mess hall, in fact. Meat rations were graciously raised for the peasants for a week after his death. Double plus good!
Later on in this very same year....something incredible happened. There are just no words.....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/dishmabdead281.jpg)
Can you believe it? Holy Armok in Hell. I have NEVER had a dwarf die of old age. Ever. I havent even had animals die of old age until this fortress.
This fortress is just ungodly old.
Post by: TALLPANZER on December 14, 2010, 10:28:34 pm
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on December 14, 2010, 10:47:31 pm
Post by: bayar on December 15, 2010, 03:11:51 am
Post by: Akigagak on December 15, 2010, 05:44:02 am
Do you get tantrum spirals if alot of dwarves die of old age ?
Hell yes.
Post by: darkflagrance on December 15, 2010, 07:40:30 am
Do you get tantrum spirals if alot of dwarves die of old age ?
Hell yes.
So true. This was the biggest obstacle when I experimented with decreasing the lifespan of dwarves to 10 years (and the length of childhood correspondingly to 1). The natural death of each generation threatened to destroy the fort.
Post by: MrGimp on December 15, 2010, 11:53:49 am
Chapter #19 - The Day the Music Died
You know you want to hear the song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U)
You wont believe it...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/kurkdead281.jpg)
The legendary grunge harpist plays no more. Kurk Quorcane has keeled over. Urist's former lover and the clan leader of her only allies against Khamero is now dead and beginning to rot into food for the worms and maggots. Urist is stunned by the news. She cannot believe that TWO dwarves would have the NERVE to die without her ordering it! Seriously....NO ONE has died here outside of the glory of battle or Urists plans. (oh and suicide due to lack of shell too)
She had run to his room when she had heard the news. Urist had shoved the widowed Dungeon Master Petbeard aside, and knelt at the corpse.
"Kurk...."
She picked up his hand and held it. It was cold, and already stiffening from rigor mortis. She stood before weakness and tears overtook her. She looked down at the disobedient dead dwarf and shouted.
"I order you to stand Kurk Quorcane!" The other dwarves in the room gave each other odd looks. "I am Urist Salvedangers, Empress of Dwarves, and I ORDER you to live!" There was a moment of silence. She shouted again. "I ORDER IT!!!!!!" Kurk simply refused to get up.
Urist did not understand. She held the power of Death over these dwarves. Why could she not wield the power of Life?
She felt like King Canute trying to hold back the tide, only to find that regal dignity received no respect from the forces of nature.
Kurk was dead, and would never rise again. Such was the curse on the heads of all mortals....
Post by: TALLPANZER on December 15, 2010, 12:12:52 pm
Post by: Argonnek on December 15, 2010, 12:14:36 pm
Post by: filiusenox on December 15, 2010, 03:50:41 pm
Post by: nil on December 15, 2010, 07:46:16 pm
I always thought Kurk Quorcane was going to die from a crossbow bolt to the head after eating to much quarcane.clearly that crazy dungeon master did it, she only married him for the money and status anyway
Post by: filiusenox on December 15, 2010, 10:17:01 pm
Post by: MrGimp on December 16, 2010, 01:31:04 am
"Oh hello Mogror," said the Empress solemnly.
"What a day, eh old fellow?" shrugged King Kulaka.
Mogror nodded, paused for a moment, then furrowed his brow and began speaking. "Yes that is what I am hear to discuss with you, your majesties. I believe there may have been some foul play regarding Kurk Quorcane!"
"What?!" said the royal couple in unison.
"Yes your majesties....I know. It is shocking. But I believe that the Khamerites sold Mr. Quorcane some bad quarcaine! I have recently had a barrel of snakeman venom stolen from my personal stockpiles, and I believe these Khamerite traitors have laced much of the fortress' quarcaine with it!"
"Oh my gods!" cried Kulaka as he wiped off his nose and shoved a rolled up dwarfbuck into his pocket.
"Yes....snorting snakeman venom could cause heart failure. This could easily be mistaken as simply an old dwarf kicking the bucket. However, I believe that both Dishmab and Kurk Quorcane have been sold poisoned drugs!!!"
"Why would someone want to poison DRUGS?!" cried Kulaka, putting his hand over his heart to see if it was still beating properly. "Is nothing sacred to them?"
"This is hideous!" cried Urist. "Mogror....how do you know the drugs are really poisoned?"
Mogror produced a rope reed bag full of the white powder. He set some on top of a nearby dresser. Then he pulled out an eyedropper full of a mysterious liquid. "This is tetrahydrahedraoctagloxypropylmescaline. When it comes into contact with snakeman or cave spider venom, it turns blue. I bought this quarcaine off of Khamero's eldest son Airag. Watch...." Mogror took the dropper and dropped but one drop of the clear liquid onto the white powder. Immediately it turned blue and the blue powder clumped together. "Poison," said Mogror sinisterly.
Kulaka immediately pulled a bag from his robe pocket. "Please....test THIS!!!!" he shouted.
Mogror quickly did so, only to find it clean. Kulaka breathed a sigh of relief and laid down on the Imperial bed to relax. A look of calm settled over his face.
"Its just quarcaine bought from the Khamerites! You can trust me to continue providing your majesties with quality uncut quarcaine!"
"Thank you Mogror....theres just one more thing.....why didnt the coroner notice the cause of death?"
"Well your majesty, this being 40d, we dont have any full time medical staff. When needed, medical staff is hired by the mayor - "
"Jewelettarette."
"Yes your majesty."
"Khamero's wife oversaw the hiring of the dwarf who determined the cause of death?" asked Urist in disbelief.
"Yes your majesty...of Kurk and Dishmab and many other dwarves."
Urist paced slowly back and forth. Had she let the administration of the fortress slip too far out of her hands? Was she too eager to live only in comfort and luxury? Were there not still many challenges to her authority to overcome? Certainly she couldnt let her old lover be murdered right in front of her could she? He was the only other one breeding dwarves to stop these Khamerites from overrunning the place. Now it was just Urist and Kulaka. Khamero and Jewelettarette had to be stopped before it was too late....
Post by: TALLPANZER on December 16, 2010, 02:30:21 am
*gets hit with a plumphelmet for overacting*
Post by: bayar on December 16, 2010, 02:31:33 am
You know you want to hear the song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uAsV5-Hv-7U)
Well, clicked the link, but all I heard was this. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=03qBqP2I4p8)
Post by: NobodyPro on December 16, 2010, 03:55:03 am
Post by: Zaerosz on December 16, 2010, 06:40:28 am
Hey, could you name the bookkeeper after me. (You might have killed them at some point idk, I'm back on page 10.)Dwarves have started dying of OLD AGE by now, mate. This fort is 81 years old. There's no way the bookkeeper you're talking about is still around.
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on December 16, 2010, 08:22:17 am
Post by: MrGimp on December 16, 2010, 12:53:40 pm
Hey, could you name the bookkeeper after me. (You might have killed them at some point idk, I'm back on page 10.)
Yeah everyone on page ten is pretty much dead...except Urist and Kulaka (who back then was named Thob). And I guess also the Duchess (who was then the Baroness/Countess and is now the Grand Duchess).
Currently, the bookkeeper position is held by Imhotep, the wisest and most mathematically astute of Khamero's brood.
You can be next in line for a Urist spawn if you like?
Post by: MrGimp on December 16, 2010, 01:47:42 pm
"Ah, he here is now, the idiot that threw away his chance at an Imperial dynasty!" quipped Khamero at the sight of his brother-in-law. Travolta hung his head in shame. He had been the whipping boy ever since Urist had married the High Priest.
"Hey Khamero," mumbled the Duke as he sat down.
"Well, we're all here then," said Khamero. "Let's get right to it. This is our last opportunity. With Kurk down, his clan will be easier to control in the aftermath. We have to move against the Empress now!"
"I agree," said Imhotep. He was usually a cautious and conservative dwarf, but he was also pragmatic. When a situation called for rash action, he would not deny it. "She will kill us off one by one. We will be slowly replaced by her brood if we don't act. We have the best chance of success if we attack now, while our numbers are still greater than theirs."
"Yes! Attack while her brood is still infants!" cried Baron von Freden.
"My mother is in the military....we can count on her to at least bring her squad over to our side, possibly others," reminded Khamero. "The trouble will come from her two axe lords, Jazz and MadMonkey24. They are ultra loyal, and extremely badass."
"We must kill Urist first. No one would fight for a dead monarch. They would not dare strike us if they see that we have already won. They would simply accept the new regime." Airag sipped the whip wine in his mug calmly. "Cut off the head, and the body is limp in your hands."
"Agreed....we have to sneak in and kill that viper before anyone else notices," said Khamero. "Who will it be? Who do we send to kill the Empress?"
"Send some of the younger ones. The peasants," Imhotep suggestd.
"Yes.....it might work......it will take some time to talk them into it, and plan all the details out. We'll take that bitch down, then burn her corpse at the altar as an offering to Armok! He will admire us for our strength!" Khamero was happy to have finally reached the moment of action. He would plan this attack with utmost care. His entire dynasty rested on this one throw of the dice....
Post by: vrga on December 16, 2010, 06:22:30 pm
Post by: NobodyPro on December 16, 2010, 07:52:18 pm
Hey, could you name the bookkeeper after me. (You might have killed them at some point idk, I'm back on page 10.)Currently, the bookkeeper position is held by Imhotep, the wisest and most mathematically astute of Khamero's brood.
You can be next in line for a Urist spawn if you like?
I actually meant the current one but that sounds great. (Didn't expect many to survive the civil war.)
Post by: Innominate on December 17, 2010, 09:37:38 am
...
Urist steps over the bloody stump of what was once an arm to reach for her adamantine mug, so that the rest of the slaughter might at least be somewhat entertaining.
Post by: denisol on December 18, 2010, 10:45:43 am
Post by: MrGimp on December 18, 2010, 12:02:21 pm
did i died? ;__; if no then whats up with me? :-[
Nah you're not dead, you're still extracting strands. It was all just a dream of Urist's.
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on December 18, 2010, 01:07:12 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring282.jpg)
As if affected by the tension in the air, one of the Khamerites, Urdim Nilesoddom, has gone all moody and possessed.
We expect to be mourning the loss of Mr Nilesoddom very soon....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/nobledies.jpg)
...his life is claimed by the lack of shell. It is such a deadly plague among dwarves.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/nobledies2.jpg)
The inability to finish his marvelous creation drove him berserk. He chased several dwarves around before catching up with one of his siblings (a child) and beating him quite severely.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/childwounded-1.jpg)
He is eventually put down by the marksdwarves before he can do more serious harm. Thus ends the short life of Urdim Nilesoddom. What kind of name was that to give your child Khamero? I mean really? Nile Sodomy? What were you doing to that poor wife of yours when you came up with this name?
Post by: Argonnek on December 21, 2010, 02:15:53 pm
Post by: Ahra on December 22, 2010, 12:51:41 pm
Post by: Eagle on December 23, 2010, 08:24:12 pm
Wonder how a fort-dwarf would react upon seeing Eagle...
Post by: Ahra on December 31, 2010, 12:04:13 pm
Post by: nil on December 31, 2010, 01:56:25 pm
Post by: MrGimp on January 07, 2011, 12:13:22 am
well he did have a big family that can throw some tantrums right?
Oh yeah, his family would tantrum. In fact it invariably tantrums in all my testing of the fun. It ruins the fort because they make up more than half the population. You know me, I wouldnt mind offing the whole lot of my dwarves....but I also want some dwarves for when Ragnarok comes. It would be a pity if the world ended without there being plenty of corpses and gore.
Im torn on the issue....but Im sure many will die either way, no matter how the dispute between Urist and the Khamerites turns out.
oh, hi eagle i havent seen you in ....... wait a minute 25 years
Really? Has it been that long? I could have sworn Ive at least mentioned him in passing here and there.
Heres a brief update on Eagle - Ive been making his life more interesting by having him become as skilled as he can in as many crafts as he can. It takes longer than I thought though, because there really isnt enough time in a dwarfs day. Plus, there arent a lot of reources readily available to Eagle, he has to make everything from scratch in his tiny little cave. But hes been making progress. Ill try to work in an update for him.
Wonder how a fort-dwarf would react upon seeing Eagle...
I think theyd say something like, "Who is this naked mud covered savage who can barely remember how to speak dwarvish anymore???!!!"
But then theyd realize that they themselves are naked and covered in mud, and are so drunk that they can hardly speak dwarvish either.
Hey, Gimp, after finally succeeding in getting Urist to procreate, do you have any thoughts on the dynamics of dwarven relationships? What do you think was the deciding factor in her finally hooking up?
Good question, but Im not really sure. They have a couple personality quirks that were similar, but they also have some differences. Other dwarves have common traits with Urist too. So I dont really know. I think generational differences played a role though. The Duke was born in the fort, but the High Priest migrated in here in the first or second wave, and so was probably much closer to Urist's age.
Post by: MrGimp on January 07, 2011, 02:40:22 am
She continued to plot her defense against the Khamerites, but deep down she knew her days were numbered. Sure, Armok had promised to raise her to Godhood for her service....but promises are not as valuable as actions, especially when these are the promises of a God like Armok. She could see in the mirror. She was not blind. The wrinkles on her face ran deep. Her hair was long gray, and now turning white. Armok had not felt compelled to preserve her youth and vigor. It was getting harder and harder to walk her aging body downstairs to party at the adamantine statue. With a barrel or two of booze in her, she could still feel young again....but the next morning her body would remind her she was not.
She had wanted to ask Armok for some kind of assurance of her immortality....but how does one stand face to face with the God of Blood and ask for something of such magnitude? She had already asked him several times lately if she could kill Khamero and his sons, only to be told that the Khamerites fertility was too precious a source of life essence for Armok to give up breeding and feeding upon. If the energy derived from a single lineage of dwarves was too much for Armok to give up, how could he possibly expend the energy required to bring Urist to Godhood? Urist was grateful of the power and luxury Armok's influence provided her, but she was a realist to the bone. She knew Armok could not keep the promise he had made, for she herself would never keep such a promise either.
She had thought deeply, and decided that she should prepare for her death. If Armok would grant her an afterlife, then nothing would need to be done. But if Armok were simply using her, as he used all beings that were not Armok, then surely it would be wise to ready her and her dynasty for the day that will come. At night, while the Khamerites partied the twilight hours away, the Empress headed down into the earth. Deep beneath the surface, at the end of a long and elaborate maze of mining tunnels and secret rooms, Urist began digging her own grave.
Post by: Chaoseed on January 07, 2011, 08:28:57 am
Post by: Ze Spy on January 09, 2011, 06:15:07 am
Seriously? what the hell Were you thinking when you decided to make Queen Urist Look innocent?(Or is there some other part containing massive Masscare that i missed?)
Post by: MrGimp on January 09, 2011, 12:36:58 pm
Characters are not always one dimensional.
Akigagak, Im sorry I let this guy's dude kill your dude. It was all because I had some stupid 'non-interventionist' policy. 'Let DF roll the dice' was my motto. If I could take it back, I would. :-[
Post by: MrGimp on January 11, 2011, 05:35:16 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring283.jpg)
Things continued on in a tense stand off. The Imperial family and their Kurkish allies stood distrustful of their Khamerite foes. However, life had seemed to carry on these past few years even though Urist had been giving birth to several heirs. Perhaps the Khamerites would not make a bid for power afterall?
In the beginning of the year, Urist gave birth to another Prince, and named him 'Steel' in honor of Armok's title 'Ber Steelearthen'.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/PrinceSteel.jpg)
Her dwarves would need to be made of steel if they were to fight against such numbers as those that were arrayed against them. Crown Prince Lucifer was coming along nicely as well. He was old enough now for Urist to try and teach him how to torture animals. He took to his lessons very quickly, and practiced every day. Urist wanted to be sure that the future Emperor was strong of heart.
Yes, some dwarves just did not have the heart to wield power, and that was how Urist hoped to win against the other clans. Why....these other dwarves were simply inferior specimens to the seed of Urist. Take Leesin for instance. He couldnt even keep control of himself, and got himself possessed by the forces of darkness that live below Blockedlance.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/LeesinPossessed.jpg)
Of course....the forces of darkness did not possess him to make anything worthwhile.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/LeesinArtifact.jpg)
And then, almost like clockwork, his brother goes all fey on us as well! He was jealous I guess. He didnt want his brother hogging all the arts and crafts spotlight I suppose.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/lorfey.jpg)
But....he got it in his head that he just HAD to have shell. And that was his undoing.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/lorfey2.jpg)
Urist hoped that she could keep her children strong, and keep them humble to the desires of shell. It was a sick dwarven fetish that had claimed far too many lives.
Before the year was out, Urist had given birth again. This time, she named the child Princess Yoigen.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/princessyoigen.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on January 11, 2011, 05:45:45 am
There was bloodlust in their eyes, and Urist could tell from the big flashing red exclamation marks that they were berserk!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/berserkKillers.jpg)
To be continued...
Post by: Lovechild on January 11, 2011, 05:50:23 am
Post by: NobodyPro on January 11, 2011, 08:39:37 am
Post by: Soviet Travolta on January 11, 2011, 04:53:09 pm
Still following your fantastic tale, Mr Gimp!
Since September 09 I realise? Gosh...
Post by: MrGimp on January 11, 2011, 05:14:43 pm
Hey, could I have a character, either somebody even mildly significant or someone with potential for plot.
Yep. Youre next on the list for one of Urist's evil offsprings!
Post by: MrGimp on January 11, 2011, 05:22:48 pm
Oh my, a cliffhanger!
Still following your fantastic tale, Mr Gimp!
Since September 09 I realise? Gosh...
Yeah this story has been going on since December 08. Pretty damn old.
Sorry everyone, I have been having trouble keeping regular updates lately. Some major developments have been happening in my life. I dont want to take the spotlight away from the story so Ill wait to fill you guys in. But yeah....Im climbing the career ladder trying to get my purple flashing title. Its pretty good times....but requires 80-90 hour workweeks. =[
Post by: NobodyPro on January 12, 2011, 12:49:15 am
Sorry everyone, I have been having trouble keeping regular updates lately. Some major developments have been happening in my life. I dont want to take the spotlight away from the story so Ill wait to fill you guys in. But yeah....Im climbing the career ladder trying to get my purple flashing title. Its pretty good times....but requires 80-90 hour workweeks. =[I seem to remember everyone being patient when you misjudged the thickness of your beard so don't worry. Good luck in whatever you're doing.
Post by: MrGimp on January 12, 2011, 11:17:43 am
Sorry everyone, I have been having trouble keeping regular updates lately. Some major developments have been happening in my life. I dont want to take the spotlight away from the story so Ill wait to fill you guys in. But yeah....Im climbing the career ladder trying to get my purple flashing title. Its pretty good times....but requires 80-90 hour workweeks. =[I seem to remember everyone being patient when you misjudged the thickness of your beard so don't worry. Good luck in whatever you're doing.
Id like to think my beard is plenty thick. :D
Post by: MrGimp on January 12, 2011, 12:14:58 pm
None survived.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/assassinsdead.jpg)
Urist received no injuries, Kulaka however was in a pathetic crying state after injuring his hand punching an assassin.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/uristbeatrevenger2.jpg)
In the end, Urist stood above the bodies of the deceased peasant assassins. She took joy in the slaughter, and chiseled another five notches on her kill wall.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/uristkills-2.jpg)
Although the attack failed, it still sent a shockwave through the Imperial family. Urist and Kulaka had to move quickly to respond, but they knew not who they could trust. Only Mogror was reliable now, and he was immediately called to the palace where his first reaction was to joyously loot the corpses of the slain.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MogrorLovesCarnage.jpg)
Mogror then grabbed a couple Khamerite peasants and forced them at sword point to drag their brethren to their graves. Then Mogror told them to tell their father and mother what they had seen here this day, for this was the fate of all who opposed Urist.
Fear rippled through the Khamerite clan from bottom to top. Tantrums and fist fights broke out immediately as the family realized the predicament they were now in. Baron von Freden knew that any members of the military that were still loyal to Urist would be coming soon to relieve him and his grandmother (Khameros mother, the markdwarf Asmel Zulbandek) of their weapons and armor. Civil war was inevitable.
Tallpanzer was even driven completely insane and turned violently upon his family.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TallpanzerInsane.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/uristbeatrevenger.jpg)
What would become of the fortress? Only time would tell....
Post by: TALLPANZER on January 14, 2011, 03:20:23 am
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on January 14, 2011, 05:39:33 pm
Post by: EvilFuzzy9 on January 15, 2011, 11:40:03 pm
With that said, I must say that the literary analyst in me cannot help but compare
Though I can believe that no dwarf of woman born would ever be able to kill her. And I'm pretty sure that the charred remnants of the forest aren't going to be marching on the stronghold of Blockedlance any time soon, so there's also that.
Any way, I guess I might as well hop on for ride. Give me a dwarf named 'Fuzzybeard' (it doesn't really matter what gender) and make 'em a wood-cutter/bowyer/wood-crafter. S/He will proudly do hir duty to protect dwarf-kind from the terror of the leafy-menace while churning out enough crossbows and bolts to arm a force large enough to kill even Armok (hypothetically speaking, of course. ...though should
Post by: Argonnek on January 16, 2011, 12:33:07 pm
And Macbeth actually felt guilt over the things he did, to the point where he could not sleep and thus became increasingly paranoid.
...Guilt? What's that?
Post by: Innominate on January 16, 2011, 11:26:52 pm
I think guilt is when your infant child is only used to bludgeon 5 goblins to death before being pierced by an arrow.And Macbeth actually felt guilt over the things he did, to the point where he could not sleep and thus became increasingly paranoid.
...Guilt? What's that?
Post by: Ze Spy on January 17, 2011, 04:07:48 am
I think guilt is when your infant child is only used to bludgeon 5 goblins to death before being pierced by an arrow.And Macbeth actually felt guilt over the things he did, to the point where he could not sleep and thus became increasingly paranoid.
...Guilt? What's that?
I am pretty sure Guilt Means "I am Not a Real Man"
Post by: bayar on January 17, 2011, 04:17:53 am
I think guilt is when your infant child is only used to bludgeon 5 goblins to death before being pierced by an arrow.And Macbeth actually felt guilt over the things he did, to the point where he could not sleep and thus became increasingly paranoid.
...Guilt? What's that?
I am pretty sure Guilt Means "I am Not a Real Man"
For some reason, I don't think Urist feels any guilt for ritual sacrifice of all those infants and children and dwarves and everything. And I sincerely doubt that MrGimp really cares.
Edit:quote fuck-up
Post by: MrGimp on January 20, 2011, 04:39:20 am
I'm glad I'm with Urist.
That may not save you at this point. :D
Ho. Ly. Crap. I think this might just be one of the most epic fort-stories in existence -- it's certainly one of the best I've ever seen. It's like the insanity of Boatmurdered and the epic-ness of Syrupleaf mixed their spores to create a bastard love-child that went on to become one of the longest-running forts in existence.
With that said, I must say that the literary analyst in me cannot help but compareQueenEmpress Urist with Macbeth from 'you-know-what' -- both are heroic warriors who go on to usurp the thrones of their respective kingdoms and become terrible tyrants, who grow increasingly paranoid and violent as the fear of death overwhelms them. Except Macbeth's king actually respected him. And Macbeth was not catering to the twisted machinations of an ancient god of blood/thinly-veiled metaphor for the player, but the ambition of his wife. And Macbeth actually felt guilt over the things he did, to the point where he could not sleep and thus became increasingly paranoid.
Damn. Did I just get compared to Shakespeare? lol!
I assure you....this thread is just the insane ramblings of a mad hermit. But its good to see the character arc of Urist comes through.
Any way, I guess I might as well hop on for ride. Give me a dwarf named 'Fuzzybeard' (it doesn't really matter what gender) and make 'em a wood-cutter/bowyer/wood-crafter. S/He will proudly do hir duty to protect dwarf-kind from the terror of the leafy-menace while churning out enough crossbows and bolts to arm a force large enough to kill even Armok (hypothetically speaking, of course. ...though shouldQueenEmpress Urist ever feel like wresting the secrets of godhood and immortality from the cold, lifeless hands of a dead god, then Fuzzybeard would only be perfectly happy to oblige her majesty's request...).
I can give you next in line for a Urist spawn after Nobody Pro, but they will take a while to grow up. Or I can give you a grown Kurkish or Khamerite peasant-noble. Let me know what you would prefer.
Post by: MrGimp on January 20, 2011, 04:55:04 am
Ok, so disaster has struck (repeatedly). And not the good kind...although....maybe it is.
There have been.......issues. I actually ran this fight several times before I settled on the above scenario that I posted in that last story post. What kept happening was that Urist slammed her infant around so badly that she killed her over and over. I was actually cool with that, I thought it was funny. But it kept causing Urist to turn hostile to her children, and so she ended up killing the Crown Prince Lucifer over and over.....and that just isnt proper maternal instincts.
So I figured I would just have to play the fight through until she didnt kill the kid, and go with that. So it worked, she wasnt hostile, so it was fine. I posted it. Well....apparently dwarf companions berserk switch doesnt work entirely well. Urist, Yoigen, and Kulaka are hostile to the Khamerites now. Kulaka has beaten a Khamerite child to death. Urist scares even her Kurkish allies away and is constantly interrupting jobs around the fortress. And it hasnt happened across the board evenly. Many Khamerites are still loyal to Urist, and actually turn hostile on other Khamerites. Its like the fight between Urist and the berserk dwarves has caused a schism throughout the fortress.
So I reverted the save. I went into Dwarf Companion and changed their civilization tag before making them berserk. Didnt help. Nothing seems to work, Urist and Kulaka become hostile to a seemingly random half of the fortress every single time. It includes one or two of their own children most times too.
Should we go ahead and split the fortress and let the shit hit the fan and fly where it may? That may make Ragnarok a less bloody affair if everyone dies now instead of later. It will also slow down progress on the adventure tunnels. What are the audiences wishes? Should I revert the save and not do the peasant fight? Should I keep trying to find a way to get it done without glitching fortress loyalties? Should I just go with it and laugh at the spectacle of senseless death and the possible loss of the entire fortress and royal lineage?
Let me know gods dammit!
Post by: Lovechild on January 20, 2011, 05:11:36 am
Post by: Di on January 20, 2011, 07:08:48 am
Maybe it has something to do with the friendship?
That shitstorm you described is hilarious (I really liked Urist becoming paranoid and turning against random allies) but I don't think it correlates well with bipolar confrontation story.
My suggestion is to revert save but keep story as is, if you get make assassins properly killed, just kill them in any other way, or just pretend that they were.
Edit: Yay, lucky number! This thread is really loong :)
Post by: Ze Spy on January 20, 2011, 07:25:28 am
Should I just go with it and laugh at the spectacle of senseless death and the possible loss of the entire fortress and royal lineage?
This
Use at your risk, I am not responsible for the loss of a Great and grant fortress, the death of urist, or the destruction of the Entire royal lineage
Post by: NobodyPro on January 20, 2011, 08:08:49 am
You should revert with some story magic.
Post by: The Architect on January 20, 2011, 01:48:05 pm
Now he speaks:
Let the blood spurt where it may! Such is the way of dwarves and of Armok himself.
And then judge by the aftermath whether Armok might reset time again to match the desires of his absolute will.
Post by: Javarock on January 23, 2011, 05:25:48 pm
All of it was pure gold.
Post by: Soviet Travolta on January 27, 2011, 04:00:20 am
Holy crap... Just read through 149 pages :O
All of it was pure gold. - Covered in blood. -
Now that's accurate!
Post by: Kipi on January 27, 2011, 04:26:06 am
Haven't seen any mention of him for a long time... ;)
Post by: CuteEmoBoyx on January 28, 2011, 05:34:50 pm
Also im still loving the story very much.
Keep up the great work
Always loyal to the Crown Reaper is
Post by: Javarock on January 30, 2011, 02:17:03 am
Post by: EvilFuzzy9 on January 30, 2011, 05:07:09 pm
Also, if there is no way to make Urist a part of her civ again, then I shall vote that you save scum. I must admit that, as a relative newcomer to DF, my knowledge concerning 40d is anecdotal in nature and largely incomplete, so I am unsure as to whether or not Urist would even eat or drink after being de-berserk'd if she's being considered an enemy of her civ. If that is the case, then savescumming may be the only answer, unless you don't mind
So yeah, my vote is essentially "maybe savescum if you want to or it is necessary".
Post by: Berndarmin on February 10, 2011, 02:33:22 pm
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on February 14, 2011, 09:33:09 am
Post by: Nahere on February 15, 2011, 02:26:07 am
Post by: Zaranthan on February 15, 2011, 12:56:28 pm
Post by: MrGimp on February 19, 2011, 12:32:40 am
So then I was like, aha! I had drafted the berserk dwarves in order to move them before they were berserk. So I thought, well maybe I need to un-draft them. I thought that was real clever. I un-drafted them, then made them berserk, then had the fight....then....still civil war.
I tried everything. I even tried making Urist berserk and then un-berserking her after the carnage. Still nothing. I dont know what it is about the Khamerites, Ive never had this problem before. These Khamerites were born in the fortress though. So maybe they have some unique tag that is switched on and it is causing problems deep within the recesses of the game code or the Dwarf Companion code?
At one point I gave up. I said, fuck it, we're dwarves! We're seeing this through to the bitter end. I stationed Urist deep in her palace, and then banished the Khamerites and Kurkites to the surface. I had to also keep Urist away from her other family though....then I had to feed her. Then I wanted to get working on the adventure tunnels, but all the workers are on the surface, all the construction items they need were in the palace, and it was just a gigantic headache and a lot of 'Item inaccessible' spam.
You have no idea how many saves I have had to scum in the past couple months.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/saves.png)
So finally I just reverted and threw the fuckers from the top of the pyramid.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/deadskulls.png)
Oddly enough that did not cause a civil war.
Post by: Nahere on February 19, 2011, 01:41:14 am
Oh, and is my dwarf accepted?
Post by: MrGimp on February 19, 2011, 08:18:01 am
It's probably a little late but what would happen if you made them of a different nation, but didn't make them berserk?
Oh, and is my dwarf accepted?
Tried that. Other dwarves still flip out. I think it has something to do with friendships. Or maybe not.
Ive seen this glitch before on an adventure mode playthrough on youtube. The guy accidentally killed one of his followers, and LONG after that he wanders into the guys hometown. He is immediately attacked by farmers, and several of his own squadmates turned on him.
But Ive killed other people who were born in Blockedlance though, and that didnt cause civil war. I dont know. Ive literally tried everything, and nothing worked. I just want to get the story back on track at this point.
And yeah, of course your guy is in. Im going to try to post some updates soon.
Post by: MrGimp on February 19, 2011, 03:46:41 pm
Is my dwarf, Kipi, still alive?
Haven't seen any mention of him for a long time... ;)
Kipi Frillytower is alive and well!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KIPI.jpg)
She is our legendary brewer turned champion marksdwarf. She spends her days manning (womanning?) the battlements overlooking the courtyard.
Post by: MrGimp on February 19, 2011, 04:00:19 pm
Hey Gimp may i ask how Reaper is doing?
Also im still loving the story very much.
Keep up the great work
Always loyal to the Crown Reaper is
Reaper is doing great.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/REAPER.jpg)
Shes a little nervous with the whole 'being related to Khamero' thing. Technically though, shes not a Khamerite, so we will see how her loyalties play out.
Post by: MrGimp on February 19, 2011, 04:05:25 pm
NobodyPro (loyal royal)
Fuzzybeard (loyal royal)
Giovanni (Wants a tower)
Berndarmin (blacksmith)
Nahere (Loyalist Khamerite)
Let me know if I have missed anyone.
Post by: powpow on February 25, 2011, 03:48:07 am
wonder when the next update is??
Post by: MrGimp on March 07, 2011, 01:29:28 am
As the broken bleeding bodies of the peasant assassins were being dragged to their graves, it was found that there was still life in them. Tallpanzer snapped out of his berserk rage and tried to tend to his wounded kinsmen. However, Urist had her loyal guards Jazz and MadMonkey24 grab the barely conscious traitors and string them up from the upper ceiling-slope of the pyramid. There, Lord Jazz read a proclamation from the Empress that this would be the fate of any future traitors as well. As he spoke, pools of blood gathered below the wounded would-be assassins.
On queue, MadMonkey pulled a lever that untethered the whimpering peasants. They fell to their deaths in a most gruesome and wonderful splash of color.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/deadskulls.png)
The horror of the failed plot sank in to the Khamerite leadership. Immediately Khamero and his relatives gathered in secret.
"You idiot!" shouted the Grand Duchess. "You had years to think of a good assassination plot, and THIS is what you come up with? Five unarmed peasants?"
"I thought they had a chance!" cried Khamero.
"Hmmph! I'm not going to be seen with you anymore. It is too dangerous. I am going to the Empress right now and telling her that I had nothing to do with this! I will remind her of my years of loyalty while I still have my head attached to my neck." The Grand Duchess looked her son in law up and down in a most unflattering manner. "You are on your own with this one." She gave her daughter Jewelettarette one last mournful look. "Of all the dwarves in this fortress....you had to marry this pagan?". Leaving her daughter speechless, Slemsvamp left the room.
The other Khamerites gasped in horror at losing the most noble of their number.
Duke Travolta, like a rat fleeing a sinking ship, sensed that his chances were better at the side of his mother, than if he tried to win Urist's sympathies on his own. He didn't know what to say. He slowly shuffled to the door, grabbed the knob, and said "I'm gonna go see if mom needs anything. She seems real upset. I uhhh....gotta go comfort her and all...." With that, the Duke was gone as well.
"We are undone. It's hopeless now," said Imhotep with heavy sorrow in his voice.
"No!" shouted Khamero, attempting to rally his followers one last time. "These fools give up so easily! We still have my mother, she is in the military, she has been prepared to strike. Her orders had been to strike at the remaining royalists in the military as soon as she heard that the Empress was dead. Surely, when she hears that the plot has failed, she will strike at her fellow guards and we shall secure the fort in this way!"
"Yes......yes!" Airag shouted to his younger brothers. "We can still win this!"
There were a few murmurs, but eventually the brothers and sisters let out a half-hearted cheer.
"Come on, louder!" shouted Baron von Freden. He unsheathed his sword and held it in the air. "We can take them!"
Now a loud roar erupted. Khamero looked at Airag and smiled. Khamero could feel it in his veins. It was coming soon. He would be Emperor...and when he died he would pass the crown onto Airag. They just had to overcome this last hurdle. They were meeting in the old abandoned windmill tower that sat atop the old entrance to the fortress. This tower had not been in use for many decades (a demon long ago smashed most of the windmills, axles, and gears), and just outside the tower's base was the battlements overlooking the courtyard. The marksdwarves were stationed there.
"Come, she is just outside. Her squad is loyal. We will join our arms with theirs, and storm the palace!" The dwarves cheered....it was a daring plan. Not all would survive....but these dwarves knew that as relatives of the assassins, their days were already numbered and few so long as Urist sat on the throne.
"Long live the Khamerite clan!" shouted Calibur.
"Aye, we'll send the lot of 'em to one of the many unpleasant hells!" shouted Xanthius 2.0.
"HUZZAH!!!" they all shouted.
With that they stormed towards the door with great force. Who Two opened the door and charged out first. He got only a few steps before he was pushed back by 8 steel clad marksdwarves brandishing crossbows. Asmel Zulbandak, Khameros mother and grandmother to all the young dwarves present in the tower, was standing among them. The rebellious Khamerites stepped back, bewildered by the situation.
"Grandma?" muttered one of the younger dwarves in disbelief.
Asmel stepped towards Khamero, keeping her crossbow pointed at his unarmored torso. "Well, traitors....what do you have to say for yourselves?"
"How could you?" asked Khamero.
"Ha! How could YOU fail so badly at plotting and scheming?" She spit on the ground. "I'm not standing before a conquering hero.....I'm standing before an eternal failure. Of all my children.....you were the only one that survived to adulthood. And yet....of all my children....you are my biggest disappointment."
"Mother!"
"I HAVE NO SON!" Asmel tightened her grip on her crossbow, aimed it at her son's face, and then stepped forward menacingly.
"Enough!" Lord Tazgrent said, as he stepped forward and put his hand on Asmel's arm and brought her crossbow down. "You've proven your loyalty. Our orders were to take them alive. Kipi, Steve, chain up Jewelettarette and our friend Khamero here."
"Aye sir," responded the dwarves dutifully.
"Well my boy," Lord Tazgrent said as he stared coldly into Khamero's eyes. "There's going to be a trial."
Post by: MrGimp on March 07, 2011, 03:21:27 am
They entered the dank throne room, torchlight dancing and occasionally casting light upon the grim face of the Empress as she sat on her Adamantine throne. The Empress did not move as the dwarves came in. Below her, chained to her throne at the neck like a dog, was the old King Fikod. Mogror Harbett stood beside the Empress, smiling joyously as he looked upon the faces of those who would be receiving so much misery. The Grand-Duchess and the Duke stood close to the throne, their hearts pounding uncontrollably as their brethren were brought in for this expedited 'trial'.
Empress Urist slowly puffed from a pipe that extended down to a hooka that sat next to the throne. In the dim light, Urist's face was veiled in darkness. A cloud of rat weed smoke billowed forth from the shadowy silhouette on the throne.
Lord Jazz and Lord MadMonkey24 stepped forward and beat the backs of the Khamerites' kness with sticks. "KNEEL!" They shouted.
Once the Khamerites were all bowing before their Empress, Mogror Harbett spoke. "The most majestic of majesties, Empress Urist Salvedangers, the Foggy Barbs, Sole Survivor of the Reclaim, Rebuilder of the Mines, Slayer of Cog Giltbalanced the Tactical Relief of Fortifying, Grand-Duchess of Letterclose, Regent of the Jade Irons, Queen of Blockedlance, and Empress of Dwarves has ordered you here today to stand trial on charges of conspiracy to commit crimes against the state. How do you plead?"
There was an awkward silence as the dwarves looked back and forth at each other. Khamero spoke up for his family. "We plead not guilty."
"Very well. The Empress of Dwarves calls as her first witness, the Grand-Duchess Slemsvamp," said Mogror as Urist sat silent and motionless (with the exception of an occasional puff of rat weed).
The Grand Duchess stepped forward. Mogror simply asked, "Can you please reiterate for the court your sworn testimony?"
"Certainly. Khamero and his pagan children were plotting to overthrow the Empress. They even tried to entangle me in this most disturbing of schemes. Khamero knew of this assassination plot. Khamero planned and executed this plot. The whole lot of them should hang," finished the Grand-Duchess grimly.
"Thank you, your highness. Now, we shall hear testimony from the Duke Travolta. Mr Travolta, can you please share with the court your sworn testimony?"
"It is exactly as my mother said. He approached us to take part in this crime. When his plot failed, he again tried to entangle us in another plot to overthrow the Empress."
"So he was not going to give up? He was going to continue his plots against the Empress?" asked Mogror.
"Oh yes....he's mad....mad with power. He will keep up with his violent ways until he gets what he wants."
"Thank you, your highness." Mogror turned back to the Khamerites. "You will now be sentenced."
"Wait! Wait a minute! Don't we get a chance to defend ourselves? Cant we bring our own evidence and witnesses?" shouted Khamero.
"Oh my no! The Empress must remain an impartial judge, and cannot have her ruling being biased by your evidence. It is so that you can get the best protection under the law of course. Now keep silent. One more unrequested outburst from you and you will be held in contempt of court."
Khamero hung his head in despair.
"Now you shall be sentenced," said Mogror again.
There was a moment of silence. At last the Empress spoke, her voice booming forth over them all. "This court finds the defendants guilty of conspiracy to commit crimes against the state. All shall be sentenced to death."
The Khamerites gasped.
"However, I shall commute the death sentence for all dwarves to life in prison. All Khamerites are hereby banished to live in the courtyard of the fortress as surface-dwellers. Vucar and Who Two, in deference of your legendary armorsmithing skills, you are pardoned." Lord Jazz stepped forward and unlocked the chains around the two dwarves hands and feet. They couldnt believe their luck.
"Thank you your majesty!" they cried. They bowed their heads all the way to the floor, and crawled backwards out of the room, refusing to rise to their feet until they were far from the throne room.
The Empress continued, "Khamero and Jewelettarette, as ringleaders of these hooligans you shall be locked in the southeast tower. You will never again know freedom, but you will be allowed to continue breeding sacrifices to Armok. Your only contact with the outside world will be when we come to butcher your children. Am I not merciful?"
Jewellettarette vomited. Khamero's face was pale.
Their fate was sealed...
Post by: Lovechild on March 07, 2011, 04:21:13 am
Post by: Innominate on March 07, 2011, 04:57:49 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 07, 2011, 01:45:17 pm
Chapter #20 - Exile of the Khamerite Clan
As the Khamerites were led to the surface, naked before the sun, the madness began to creep in....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/LORMAD.jpg)
The miller Lor went insane, babbling incoherently as he was marched under the unholy flaming orb in the sky. Tallpanzer threw a tantrum. He began kicking and screaming. The guards dragged him mercilessly towards his fate. Tallpanzer threw his body down and clung to the cobblestone road. Such is the strength of dwarves, that as he was dragged away, the stones from the road were literally pulled out of the ground behind him.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TALLROADDEST2.jpg)
Fath Abanmozir was so distraught by the senseless destruction of the lovely road that he was stricken with a bout of severe melancholy.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TALLROADDEST.jpg)
And so the miserable lot was led to temple courtyard. The temple itself was sealed. They were unshackled, and the guards left them. Upon leaving, the bridge over the magma moat was raised. Lor attempted a mad dash back over the raising bridge towards the shade of the fortress and protection from the sun. He did not make it...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/LORHEATDEATH.jpg)
They were sealed away....trapped above ground like filthy beardless elves. Khamero and his wife were imprisoned in the southeast tower, and now it was just the children of Khamero that wallowed in the sun and a large pool of each other's vomit.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WINTERVOMITPILE.jpg)
Post by: Yoink on March 08, 2011, 01:46:07 am
I think my character gave new meaning to 'born to kill'... Although I guess that happens a lot in DF. :P I just haven't been playing long enough.
This story's still amazing. Looking foward to reading more. :)
Post by: powpow on March 08, 2011, 03:14:56 am
Post by: Di on March 08, 2011, 04:43:35 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 09, 2011, 01:14:41 am
He mostly just rolls around naked in the mud. Im not joking. Hes usually gathering plants, or chopping wood, or gathering wood so he can turn it into ash (and then potash). He spends his days alternating between all those tasks depending on the seasonal growth of the wood and plants. His cave has an additional work wing where all these workshops are located so he can train his skills.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/EAGLEWORK.jpg)
Work work work. And I often forget to have him make beer....so he goes long periods without it. It surely drives him mad. Mad mad mad.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/EAGLEHERMIT.jpg)
Post by: powpow on March 09, 2011, 01:22:34 am
edit : wait just noticed new title i wonder whos gonna be exiled????wwwwwwwwwooooooo
Post by: Lovechild on March 09, 2011, 03:07:25 am
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on March 09, 2011, 09:44:59 am
Post by: Nahere on March 09, 2011, 01:21:51 pm
Post by: Eagle on March 09, 2011, 02:00:49 pm
Has anyone else noticed that Eagle's social skills are surprisingly good for a hermit?
Unknown to the fortress below, I've been keeping the demons at bay via diplomacy. Either that or I've somehow become both halves of the conversation.
Post by: MrGimp on March 09, 2011, 09:54:16 pm
"My people! Calm yourselves!" he shouted as he dove into the hysterical mass of dwarves. He pushed the combatants apart and tried to appeal to their reason. "Look....we could fight each other to death if we want-"
"YEAH!!!!!" shouted Tallpanzer as he began to take another swing at his brethren. Airag grabbed his arms and held him back.
"NO!!! I said...we COULD fight each other....but we would be destroying our chance at a better life!"
"A better life?! Look where we are!" shouted Tallpanzer.
"I know it will be tough, but we can do it! We're dwarves! Let us build shelter from the sun!"
"Look Airag, I know you're trying to help and all...but we're doomed. The sooner you see that, the sooner you can get over it. Do you see any stockpiles of stone out here? Those marksdwarves on the walls will surely shoot us if we try to dig below ground," said Tallpanzer as he pointed to the massive walls around the courtyard, where their own grandmother patrolled and kept watch with her scornful eyes. "And I doubt either they or the goblins and elves besieging the fortress would let us get very far out of the gate. We have nothing to build with!"
Fool! Look around you!" Airag pointed to the trees in the southeast courtyard. "We have more wood than we could ever use! And I have my axe and wood cutting skills!"
"Wood? You want us to build with wood?" asked Tallpanzer incredulous.
"Oh my Gods....we'll die like elves!" cried one of the younger brats.
"Wood is for beds, Airag," shouted another.
"My kinsmen...I share your hatred for soft splintery wood. And aye, there would be nothing better than to sleep with a mile of hard stone between me and the sun and the stars. Why....I get dizzy every time I look up into that endless blue emptiness. I feel the fear that you do....that one day I might lose hold of the Earth, and fall upwards into the sky." Many of the dwarves shuffled about uncomfortably as they heard these words. They bowed their heads and dared not look up, for the sky stirred primal fears in a dwarf. They looked about for any shrub or branch to cling to, just in case gravity failed to protect them from the sky sucking them into it. "And that is why we must build ourselves shelter....no matter what it must be made of! How could one fall asleep with the sky right there....right above them....with no solid ceiling to catch them in case they fall up?"
"Stop talking about it!" shouted a dwarf as he closed his eyes and clung to a boulder.
"My brethren....I am a skilled wood cutter, I will clear cut this entire courtyard. You two peasants....Ill teach you some basic carpentry. We shall build wooden caves to sleep in," ordered Airag.
"Wooden caves....you mean like human houses?"
"NO! They will be wooden caves!" he shouted forcefully. "Now lets get to work."
"Well what about food and water?" asked Derek, the Khamerite Cook.
"Well, we have some murky pools to drink out of, and if you have no job to do, then gather plants. We can build everything in wooden caves. We'll build a wooden cave kitchen, and a wooden cave inn, and a wooden cave carpentry shop. Come on! It will be like in the history books....like back in pioneer days when their wagons would break down in the middle of nowhere, and they had forgotten to bring a pick. It will be an adventure!"
Airag was quite persuasive. The grumpy dwarves set aside their anger and misery and decided to build some 'wooden caves' to at least get the sun off their minds.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WOODTOWN.jpg)
And so it was that the first surface settlement began....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WOODTOWN2.jpg)
...and the dwarves began living in wood.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 09, 2011, 09:58:58 pm
I'll take twenty.
Post by: NobodyPro on March 10, 2011, 03:05:59 am
Did Urist ever have a dog? Can't remember.
Post by: MrGimp on March 10, 2011, 03:56:35 pm
Did Urist ever have a dog? Can't remember.
Nah she never had a pet.
We dont have dogs in Blockedlance. We had some giant eagles and foxes and bears. Now theyre all dead. All we have now is a bunch of horses.
Post by: MrGimp on March 11, 2011, 01:09:47 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WINTERPARTYWHILEVOMIT-1.jpg)
And all the while, Khamero and Jewelettarette sat locked away in a food and booze filled room in the southeast tower. They did not speak much. They had fallen far from their once lofty heights, and the bitterness ran deep. However, Jewelettarette had been pregnant (as always) when she was locked in the tower, and in the depths of winter she gave birth to a bouncing baby boy.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/WINTERBORN.jpg)
But what kind of a life awaited this child except that of a slave?
Post by: powpow on March 11, 2011, 03:38:21 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2011, 10:58:06 am
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaVgElQKB4U (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SaVgElQKB4U)
It's an energy drink for slaves!
Energy! For Slaves!
G8torade will make your babies into fascist shock troops!!!
G8torade costs more than you can afford, but you'll swallow it....AND PAY THE BILL!!!!
Post by: nil on March 12, 2011, 01:39:52 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 12, 2011, 02:19:42 pm
Post by: peregarrett on March 13, 2011, 05:41:17 am
I even missed old good 40d times...
Are there any unnamed dwarves left?
Post by: MrGimp on March 14, 2011, 12:24:13 am
Phew! Finally I made through whole story, and must say it's briliant!
I even missed old good 40d times...
Are there any unnamed dwarves left?
Plenty. They breed em as fast as I kill em.
What do you want to name them?
Post by: peregarrett on March 14, 2011, 12:37:46 am
If no - let him be miner or whatever...
Oh, I have a though. He can be exiled Khamerite, and after wooden caves are build, he can violate Queen's order and dig down from cave's floor - guards won't see him! Well, ony if they have a pick...
Post by: MrGimp on March 14, 2011, 01:03:36 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring284.jpg)
Despite the deaths and the tantruming and berserking, there are still 106 bipolar dwarves living at the great capital of Blockedlance. The 106th was born this new year.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springempressboy.jpg)
He was named NobodyPro, an ancient moniker of great meaning in an old dwarvish tongue long since dead.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/nobodypro.jpg)
By all accounts he is a calm and unassertive child, taught well what his rank was from an early age. It would be dangerous for him to have delusions of grandeur as he was last in a growing line of Princely inheritors.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/empressfamily.jpg)
There were other newly named faces in Blockedlance this year. Urist had spared the lives of two legendary Khamerite armorers, Who Two, and Vucar. Vucar is an ardent worshiper of the Blood God, and revels in chaos and disorder. In Spring, to celebrate his continued loyalty, the Empress renamed him Nahere.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/nahere.jpg)
Having two armorers that were Khamerites worried Urist, and so she decided she should teach one of the Kurkish peasants some blacksmithing skills so that the knowledge could not be monopolized. The peasant was named Berndarmin, and she was a shy dwarf, socially crippled by paranoid thoughts that everyone was speaking about her behind her back.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/bernardarmin.jpg)
Another member of the Kurkish clan - a dwarf named Giovanni - has also stepped forward to take a leading role in the construction of the growing fortress. There were plans in the air to build a new entrance to Blockedlance, and Giovanni had an artistic vision of creating a large tower over the main entry way....a tower that would reach the heavens! Nevermind that it had been an old dream of the Khamerite Imhotep, Imhotep was playing with wood now. The Empress was not very eager to start another new construction project, especially one which she may not even live to see finished...but perhaps the confident willpower of Giovanni would win her over in the end?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/giovanni.jpg)
(NOTE - Fuzzybeard, I havent forgotten you, you have the next royal baby)
Post by: BadSyntax on March 14, 2011, 02:13:07 am
Post by: Nahere on March 14, 2011, 02:46:01 am
Post by: Tradanbattlan on March 14, 2011, 08:17:31 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 15, 2011, 02:25:41 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/duchessunhappy.jpg)
Not only was it hard to erase her family from her memories, but the Kurkish clansmen did not seem to accept her fully. She would always be a Khamerite in their eyes. Slemsvamp tried to distance herself from her pagan son-in-law. She would often point out that she was not related to Khamero in any way, and that he was the mistake of a daughter she had now disowned. Slemsvamp even went so far as to give her family a separate name from the Khamerites. She named her clan after herself (naturally) and called her family the Slemites. Whenever she heard a murmur or whisper of dissent among the Kurkish dwarves, she would label them anti-Slemitic, and threaten to charge them with hate crime if they did not recant.
Urist however, seemed content to have the Grand-Duchess in place as a lightning rod that would attract any anger away from the Empress. Urist even subtly and secretly encouraged the anti-Slemitic behavior just so she could keep both clans from uniting against her rule. The two clans would need to remain somewhat balanced. The Kurkish clan was larger than the Grand Duchess and her 4 remaining loyal children, and so the Slemites would have to be given more power to compensate for their small numbers. Urist called for another 'election' to replace the old Khamerite mayor. Duke Travolta happened to win.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/dukemayor.jpg)
Urist has been siphoning vast sums of fortress wealth to her palace and tomb construction projects. In fact, it's safe to say that most of the fortress wealth is directly owned by Urist in some way. Millions of dwarfbucks have been lavishly bestowed upon her and her family. This has resulted in the mayoral treasury running constant deficits. The Empress had set up a Royal Reserve Bank in order to loan money to the fortress government. However, this only resulted in ever larger debts since all loans came with an interest payment that the taxpayers of Blockedlance were forced to pay as well.
Therefore, as would logically follow, Duke Travolta's first act as mayor was to cut the pension benefits of the craftsmen of the fortress so that he could balance the fortress's terrible annual public debt payments. This angered the Kurkish craftsmen...but the Duke knew what he was doing. He immediately began a propaganda campaign that targeted the younger Kurkish peasants who did not yet have the skills required in order to get the little extra pay and perks that the craftsmen got. He told the younger Kurkites that they had been cheated by these damn guildsmen....and that the guilds rights to collectively bargain should be abolished. Even Urist was amazed at how quickly the less paid workers turned on their own family out of jealousy over a marginal increase in pay and benefits. The Empress was delighted at the roaring debate that followed. While the Kurkish clan fought bitterly over a few copper coins, Urist bathed daily in her own private cave river, surrounded by golden statues and her own private underground mushroom forest.
It's good to be the Empress.
Post by: powpow on March 15, 2011, 06:21:15 am
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on March 15, 2011, 08:00:54 am
Post by: nil on March 15, 2011, 12:44:45 pm
Post by: Javarock on March 15, 2011, 04:51:24 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 15, 2011, 06:14:06 pm
Did my dwarf die already?
After searching through this thread, yes I think your first guy died. But you requested another dwarf named Chuckles...like, a year ago....and I forgot to add him. :-[ Ill put you in now. lol....my bad.
i wonder what happend to those two in the void?
Theyre just wasting time until Ragnarok. Ill have an update on them shortly.
Speaking of this....Tradanbatlan and Christes, if you want another dwarf you can have one. Your old dudes will remain in the story till the end, but since they cant influence the fortress, you can have new dudes if you want.
Are you still "under siege"?
Yep. Forever. Which sucks.
Post by: peterix on March 15, 2011, 07:22:26 pm
Which DF version are you using again? I might be able to fix that after some poking around in the save :)Are you still "under siege"?
Yep. Forever. Which sucks.
Post by: Ze Spy on March 16, 2011, 12:58:31 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 16, 2011, 12:53:19 pm
Im not sure when the error occurred but Im pretty sure it was in 40d18. What do I need to do to fix it?
Post by: Soviet Travolta on March 16, 2011, 06:09:00 pm
I'm amazed at how you manage to keep this long tale interesting, Mr.Gimp, I will follow this to the (bitter) end! :)
Post by: MrGimp on March 16, 2011, 11:35:08 pm
I'm amazed at how you manage to keep this long tale interesting, Mr.Gimp,
Thanks! Yeah, it's been a long time. It's been a community project though. I wouldn't have kept writing if people hadn't kept reading. And thanks to the people who made Dwarf Companion and Tweak, so that I could keep throwing weird things at the dwarves. lol
And of course, all hail the Toady One.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/hypnotoad.png)
I will follow this to the (bitter) end! :)
Good, cuz we're driving this thing into the ground! We're going all the way....until the wheels fall off and the engine explodes.
Post by: Urist_McArathos on March 16, 2011, 11:46:07 pm
It's actually what inspired me to start my community fortress; Blockedlance is an amazing story, and I dearly want to see what kick-started my writing end in fiery, bloody glory (as opposed to its fiery, bloody present). Keep up the sweet work.
Post by: peterix on March 17, 2011, 01:10:43 am
Yeah I started in 40d. Then updated it to 40d16, then 40d18. For the past year or so Ive been swapping it back and forth between 40d and 40d18 because tweak and dwarf companion only work with 40d.Well, cool to know that the saves are compatible. I'll need a heap of different forts with and without active sieges. My guess is that the game has a flag for those on some static position in memory... So, when I use the tools for memory search I created for dfhack and a ton of different forts, I should be able to find the flag.
Im not sure when the error occurred but Im pretty sure it was in 40d18. What do I need to do to fix it?
It could take a bit of time, because I'll have to actually play the game a lot :)
Post by: DerUbermensch on March 17, 2011, 03:40:25 pm
Post by: MrGimp on March 31, 2011, 12:03:57 am
MrGimp, can I get on board this wagon to hell? :D
Sure. Whats the name of the future corpse?
Post by: MrGimp on March 31, 2011, 12:05:31 am
Yeah I started in 40d. Then updated it to 40d16, then 40d18. For the past year or so Ive been swapping it back and forth between 40d and 40d18 because tweak and dwarf companion only work with 40d.Well, cool to know that the saves are compatible. I'll need a heap of different forts with and without active sieges. My guess is that the game has a flag for those on some static position in memory... So, when I use the tools for memory search I created for dfhack and a ton of different forts, I should be able to find the flag.
Im not sure when the error occurred but Im pretty sure it was in 40d18. What do I need to do to fix it?
It could take a bit of time, because I'll have to actually play the game a lot :)
I can email you a save or something if you want to look at it?
Post by: peregarrett on March 31, 2011, 09:30:02 am
Post by: MrGimp on March 31, 2011, 01:05:31 pm
Christes had been trudging along behind the telepath for quite some time. Her gaze had been fixed on the invisible ground that her feet could walk upon when she walked with the telepath. Each step was difficult, as the ground seemed to rise and fall like any other ground, and she could never prepare her feet for where it would be. She had felt like she had been climbing higher and higher for some time. When the telepath's voice filled her head, Christes looked up, and then around her in all directions.
"What?" she asked.
"We've reached the Summit of the White Mountains! Isn't the view spectacular?" said the voice of the telepath. Christes looked around some more, peering faring off into the whiteness.
"I dont see anything."
"Hmmph! Well....your mind's eye just does not open does it?" bemoaned the mysterious telepath. "Look....down there.....the coast. See it? Just down this mountain, and we will be on the shores of the Sea of Nothing. You cant see it because of the haze....but out there on the horizon is the Island of Whiteness."
Christes saw whiteness alright....that was all she saw.
"Yes.......I see it......the Sea of Nothing. Very impressive. Let's get going. We must cross it." said Christes, trying to get the telepath moving again.
"Ha! Come then little one. Let's descend the mountain and see if we cant find a shipwright from which we can buy a boat." The telepath's voice whistled in her head as she watched him walking forward. His steps began descending slowly through the void. Christes followed, and she found that her feet fell a bit farther with each step. It was an odd sensation, because she could not see the ground that the telepath said was there. Still....she would have to bear his madness if she would want to see Tradan again....
Post by: MrGimp on March 31, 2011, 01:12:14 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springmogrorweird.jpg)
I guess the Khamerite got wounded in the fist fights and tantrums that had started to envelope the fortress, but got locked down here before the bridges were raised. He should be suffering with no bed out in on the surface! Instead, hes lying in a bed. This is an outrage!
Mogror better be torturing the shit out of this motherfucker!
Post by: MrGimp on March 31, 2011, 01:48:07 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring285.jpg)
Urist turns 131 this year. She would reach dying age in 19 years. The oldest dwarf in the world (besides the enslaved King Fikkod) had only lived to be 170. Urist would be 170 in 39 years.
2-4 decades. After 81 years at Blockedlance, that was all she had left in her. Urist passed her time by having babies.
First, there was little Prince Chuckles, who oddly enough for a prince, was put off by authority and tradition.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/chuckles.jpg)
Then there was Prince Fuzzybeard, who was not only put off by tradition, but was in touch with his emotions and was always happy and optimistic. Quite elfy really.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/fuzzybeard.jpg)
And up in the courtyard, a dwarf named PereGarrett has begun taking charge and directing the activities of the surface dwellers.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/peregarrett.jpg)
Before the end of the year, Jewelettarette had also given birth to some nameless baby in the tower.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/autumnjewelbaby.jpg)
Post by: peregarrett on March 31, 2011, 03:09:42 pm
And up in the courtyard, a dwarf named PereGarrett has begun taking charge and directing the activities of the surface dwellers.Hell yeah! Lets make our own fortress, with checkers and elfettes!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/peregarrett.jpg)
Post by: DerUbermensch on March 31, 2011, 08:36:44 pm
MrGimp, can I get on board this wagon to hell? :D
Sure. Whats the name of the future corpse?
Ubermensch. But please assure that I can live longer then two story posts.
Post by: MrGimp on March 31, 2011, 10:15:12 pm
MrGimp, can I get on board this wagon to hell? :D
Sure. Whats the name of the future corpse?
Ubermensch. But please assure that I can live longer then two story posts.
I assure nothing!!! :)
Sorry for lack of updates. Stupid work. We got hacked by some Yemeni hacker group this week too. I hate work. When can I become legendary and have my room and board paid for by the state?
Post by: darkflagrance on April 01, 2011, 01:50:18 am
Post by: Ze Spy on April 01, 2011, 03:02:13 am
Post by: MrGimp on April 02, 2011, 02:13:13 pm
Who is the wounded Khamerite? Maybe it's some poor, young unfortunate that even Mogror took pity on? Is it a random migrant or does it have some history in the fort?
His name is Moses Racedroad. I will put him to good use.
uhhh, may i get back into thisHell HoleFortress of Madness and insanity and chaos and lunacy and hell and......and.....and death?
Yeah what do you want me to name him?
Post by: MrGimp on April 02, 2011, 02:33:12 pm
Time is the fire in which mortals burn. For Urist and the other dwarves, time pressed onwards mercilessly.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring286.jpg)
The Empress and her lover continue to breed spoiled social parasites who will grow up to live on the backs off others. The Slemites were the ones Urist pretended actually ruled the fortress, through the Grand Duchess, the Duke, and the mayoral office, and they served to hide Urist's control and soften her image. The Kurkish clan, as allies of the Empress, would be the backs that held these two aristocratic families up. In return for this, the Kurkish clan would live a little bit better than the Khamerite clansmen who lived under the hot sun. They may not get to live in a palace, but they were at least middle class....and that was pretty comfortable in a wealthy mountain hall like Blockedlance. The heads of the Kurkish clan even got to live in the Temple. That was basically a palace, and it gave the Kurkites something to aspire to other than to try and take the throne away from Urist.
However bad the Kurkites had it, they could remind themselves that at least they were not baking under the unforgiving sun, toiling away in brutal manual labor to erect a city made of wood most foul (and splintery).
Speaking of the surface dwellers, here is the finished carpenter's shop....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/summer287CarpenterShop.png)
Ignore the invisible blocks where the fortifications meet the walls. Thats just a bug in the visualizer. You can see the inn going up in the background as well. It has bedding for 36 dwarves at the moment, although the ceiling is not on the top floor yet, and none of the rooms have doors (theyre just nooks with beds).
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on April 02, 2011, 03:00:00 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 02, 2011, 03:50:11 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 02, 2011, 04:04:27 pm
(Obligatory status screen)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring287.jpg)
20 million dwarfbucks. Quite a stash I suppose. We have plenty of food and booze, or at least....everyone but the Khamerites has plenty of food and booze. The Khamerites are drinking murky water and eating surface plants. They have made a fine start, however, considering their condition. As mentioned, they had finished the carpenters shop. On the top floor lived one Khamerite carpenter....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/carpenters1.jpg)
...and in the attic lived another.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/carpenters2.jpg)
One wonders what Airag and the Khamerite leadership were thinking to build the carpenters shop before the tavern and kitchen....but this is the madness of dwarves. Because of this decision, they would have to continue eating and drinking filth for quite some time to come.
At least the inn is coming along, so they could hide away from the unholy sun and the infinite sky.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/innconstruction.jpg)
There isnt a roof yet though...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/innconstruction2.jpg)
In an effort to regulate the surface dwellers and keep them in line, Urist employed Mogror the Engineer of Death to inspect the quality of construction and make sure everything was up to code. He also made sure no one was trying to tunnel back down below the surface.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/mogrorinspection.jpg)
The only thing Mogror found on his inspections though was just a bunch of wretched peasants and a beaten horse.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/horsepain.png)
These Khamerites were pretty miserable, and they didnt have a legendary dining hall to soothe their melancholy depression and berserk rage. Its quite sad that a horse had to suffer for it. You Khamerites should be ashamed of yourselves. Filthy peasants.
Post by: peregarrett on April 03, 2011, 11:53:10 am
So I suggest such design.
At the main tavern hall we dig stairs underground. To hide it, build 3x3 bridge above it. For those who ask - it's dance floor/boxing and wrestling ring/artist scene and so on. Bridge is linked not to lever, but to presure plate designed exaclty to horse weight. So, it works as follows - horse is pitted over plate and opens stairs. When door is opened, horse leaves and bridge closes.
For security reasons, we must install menacing spikes next to the door. Like this:
Code: [Select]
#####
#^D|D.
#####
^ - plate, D - doors, | - spikes
Doors and spikes are linked to levers. Lever that opens doors should be placed at tavern hall, lever that retracts spikes - at Peregarrett quarters. Also link something innocent to those levers, like hatches that cover holes at the roof. It's important to keep it secret.
For example:
Mogror: - You installed there a lever? what for?
Me: - It opens and closes hatches at the roof. We have to get used with sunlight, but we need to do it step-by-step. The lever regulates how much sun light you can get.
Mogror: - uh, ok then.
If he'll be suspicious and notice it's linked somewhere else - he'll have to follow that wire to the doors.
Mogror: - Open it! Pull that lever!
Me: pulling it, doors opened.
Mogror: Aha! a plate! Let's inspect that does it do...
He proceedes to it, ant then I pull it again. Now he's locked inside. The only way out for him is break the linkage and oped doors manually. But just when he proceedes to deconstruct it, I'm walking to my room and begin pulling my lever maniacally, hitting him with spikes, and slamming the hatch above me - in case Mogror begins his inspection from my lever, it diverts him from real purpose of it.
Post by: MrGimp on April 03, 2011, 12:52:40 pm
The Grand Duchess could only turn a blind eye for so long. One day, she heard a comment about her heritage. The Kurkish woodcutter Afrosquirrel made an unfortunate comment that alluded to her being the mother of the Khamerites.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/DuchessMurder.png)
Poor Afrosquirrel did not survive the vicious beating that followed.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/DuchessMurder2.png)
Would the Grand Duchess be sent to jail for murder? Of course not! She was never even charged! The body was dragged below, and the Duchess went back to eating crumpets while the message sank in with the other Kurkish clansmen.
This year, some Khamerite kid was banging at the fortress doors trying to get to items and a workshop so that he could get down on some serious craftworking. The Empress allowed it, on the grounds that he make her something nice. She got an artifact earring with a demon on it. Pretty cool.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ArtifactEarring.png)
Meanwhile, Urist continues to dig her underground tomb complex. After working through a multi-layer patch of orthoclase....we have struck.....welll....
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on April 03, 2011, 12:55:00 pm
...Dig Deeper...
At the moment the Khamerites are just there to build a surface city for the cool factor in the visualizer. Ill think about it.
Post by: EmperorNuthulu on April 03, 2011, 01:10:05 pm
Requesting dorfing, Call the dwarf nuthulu, any occupation that you choose. If you could have it hang out in Eagles old cave that would be nice, if the cave hasn't been converted into some sort of death chamber.
Post by: MrGimp on April 03, 2011, 01:41:33 pm
Spoiler: Fortress (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Palace (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Nobles Stuff (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Valhalla Cave (click to show/hide)
Spoiler: Hell (click to show/hide)
Post by: MrGimp on April 03, 2011, 01:42:38 pm
So...much....awesome. Emperor nuthulu has gone insane!
Requesting dorfing, Call the dwarf nuthulu, any occupation that you choose. If you could have it hang out in Eagles old cave that would be nice, if the cave hasn't been converted into some sort of death chamber.
Sure I can put you in, but Eagles Cave is still occupied. :) He'll probably die in a couple decades. Ill let you have the cave then if your character is still alive and if the story is still going on.
Post by: peregarrett on April 03, 2011, 01:54:14 pm
Sure, we have to go on with building. We should do just as usuall, so no one suspects we're having something in minds!...Dig Deeper...At the moment the Khamerites are just there to build a surface city for the cool factor in the visualizer. Ill think about it.
Views are really awesome!
Post by: EmperorNuthulu on April 03, 2011, 01:59:05 pm
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on April 03, 2011, 04:13:04 pm
Post by: Argonnek on April 03, 2011, 06:21:52 pm
Post by: Javarock on April 05, 2011, 05:08:41 pm
Post by: DerUbermensch on April 09, 2011, 10:13:44 pm
A Blockedlance Christmas
It's Christmas Eve and Urist drops her fists around the nation
"I want some agricultural collectivization!"
There's nothing stirring in the fortress, it's quiet as quiet all night
Tomorrow if we're lucky, all the workers will unite
'Cos there's a elf skull up on the Christmas tree
A hammer for you and an battle ax for me
Good will to Dwarves, lets celebrate
By purging all the enemies of Urist!
Tomorrow I will hold you tight and kiss you my sweet darling
I'll give you chocolate Mogror's and a Christmas candy Urist
We'll play with Christmas toys wearing festive steel hats.
And hope for quick painless deaths.
'Cos there's a elf skull up on the Christmas tree
A hammer for you and an battle ax for me
Good will to all Dwarves, lets celebrate
By purging all the enemies of Urist!
After dinner we'll have lots of fun with Christmas games and laughs
We'll read some vellum books by Urist, Mogror and by Eagle
What Christmas cheer we'll have, oh yes, we'll never have a cheerier
And we'll send Khamerite scum to worth to death out in the above ground.
A elf skull up on the Christmas tree
A hammer for you and an battle ax for me
Good will to all dwarves, lets celebrate
By purging all the enemies of Urist!
Come join us
Bu purging all of the enemies of Urist!
It's Christmas Eve and Urist drops her fists around the nation
"I want some agricultural collectivization!"
There's nothing stirring in the fortress, it's quiet as quiet all night
Tomorrow if we're lucky, all the workers will unite
'Cos there's a elf skull up on the Christmas tree
A hammer for you and an battle ax for me
Good will to Dwarves, lets celebrate
By purging all the enemies of Urist!
Tomorrow I will hold you tight and kiss you my sweet darling
I'll give you chocolate Mogror's and a Christmas candy Urist
We'll play with Christmas toys wearing festive steel hats.
And hope for quick painless deaths.
'Cos there's a elf skull up on the Christmas tree
A hammer for you and an battle ax for me
Good will to all Dwarves, lets celebrate
By purging all the enemies of Urist!
After dinner we'll have lots of fun with Christmas games and laughs
We'll read some vellum books by Urist, Mogror and by Eagle
What Christmas cheer we'll have, oh yes, we'll never have a cheerier
And we'll send Khamerite scum to worth to death out in the above ground.
A elf skull up on the Christmas tree
A hammer for you and an battle ax for me
Good will to all dwarves, lets celebrate
By purging all the enemies of Urist!
Come join us
Bu purging all of the enemies of Urist!
Post by: DerUbermensch on April 09, 2011, 10:14:07 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 12, 2011, 03:51:11 pm
Ahhh, I remember the days of the workers revolution! Back i n the days of liberty, equality, and fraternity, when the workers united against that bitchy Queen Cog. Who could have known that she was actually incredibly tame compared to Urist?
The workers rebelled in the name of communism and socialism. Urist led them in the name of stability. Once in power, Urist purged those who did not fit into her Utopian plan, and justified it through capitalistic social darwinism. Once she had achieved total control and wiped out all opposition, she settled into aristocratic Imperialism, and thus the cycle of revolution was complete.
Old System Decays -> Workers Rebel -> Workers Become the elite -> Leaders of the Elite Purge Enemies -> The New Elite Enslaves the New Workers For Profit -> New System Becomes the Old System
All thats left now is decay and ruin.
Post by: MrGimp on April 12, 2011, 03:57:13 pm
How has my dwarf appeal to request his tower going?
After rummaging through Imhotep's old office, young Giovanni got hold of the old master architect's plans for a tower over the front entrance of the fortress. It had been a wide-eyed dream of Imhotep's, and now Giovanni would steal his glorious plans. Would he be able to match the architectural genius of Imhotep? Only time would tell. Giovanni cared only to convince the Empress of the necessity of a great tower.
He made his presentation to her in her throne room where he unveiled his elaborate blueprints.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/towerplans1.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/towerplans2.png)
Impressed by the crude MS Paint craft, Urist relented. There would soon rise a great tower over the fortress entrance.
Post by: MrGimp on April 12, 2011, 04:01:44 pm
If I recall correctly, Argonnek the clothier died a while back. As such, I'd like to be dwarfed again. Any more clothiers? If there are, name one... Clovos, slayer of all! Or just Clovos. THERE MUST BE PANTS!
Ok Ill put you back in, and yes we actually need a clothier (EVERYONE is naked, wearing only mud and vomit). Heres the list of dwarves to be added. Ze Spy, still waiting on a name for your next dwarf. Let me know if I have forgotten anyone else.
Ubermensch
Nuthulu (Hermit)
Clovos (Clothier)
Post by: DerUbermensch on April 12, 2011, 05:35:27 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on April 18, 2011, 04:05:29 am
Halp
Post by: MrGimp on April 22, 2011, 02:36:58 pm
Post by: Ze Spy on April 23, 2011, 09:07:02 am
So, Urjael, Tactical Genius, then
Post by: Argonnek on April 23, 2011, 12:04:06 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 24, 2011, 11:52:04 am
Chapter #21 - Skirmishes of Ragnarok
(Special Blood God thanks to Peterix for fixing the siege bug!!!)
The year 288 has befallen us.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring288-1.png)
MadMonkey24 couldnt help himself anymore. He was tired of the endless siege that these elves, kobolds, and goblins had laid around the fortress for decades. He marched into the prisoner stockpile, grabbed a goblin, and dragged him to the front of the fortress. He pulled the half-starved goblin out of the cage, and held it up so that the besiegers could see their brethren. Then MadMonkey threw the bastard back down on the cage traps, laughing wildly as he did so. Nickel bars sprung up all around the goblin. They were curved at the top, and met in the middle, forming a nickel cage. He was trapped (again). MadMonkey finished off the disgrace by flipping off the watching besiegers, then urinating on the poor caged goblin.
This offense brings us news we have not heard in many decades. It brings us news we are not prepared for.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SIEGESummer.png)
The Khamerites were sitting ducks in the courtyard. Airag quickly ordered the gates shut. Thanks to the slow movement of goblins in armor, and the abundance of idlers in the courtyard, the bridges were raised before the goblins managed to march through them. Unfortunately, several Khamerites were outside the walls, gathering plants, wood, and other random junk. The eastern gate was still open, and they would have to scramble to get inside.
Along the south wall, Captain Coder and his marksdwarves fired down upon an approaching squad of goblins.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege1-1.png)
Goblin and beak dog were mowed down under a hail of bolts. Corcha continued to fire as her squadmates were forced to rush back to the barracks to get more ammo.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege2Corcha.png)
"If only the Stonecutters had placed bolt stockpiles in the towers once they had finished building them! Why oh why didnt they place bolt stockpiles?" Corcha was heard to lament.
Elsewhere on the walls, Kaberton was receiving return fire from some goblin bowmen. Amazingly, an arrow was sent up four z-levels, through some fortifications, and into Kaberton's upper body. He had been a miner, a Stonecutter, drafted for being a pagan, and now....now he was but a corpse. He bled to death there on that wall, a sacrifice to glory of the Blood God.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege4kabertondies.png)
It was at this inopportune moment that the Humans showed up...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege3caravan.png)
Mogror Harbett and the Empress Urist had gathered at the top of the battlements to watch the battle. When they saw the human caravan they laughed out loud together. "What a bunch of idiots!" shouted Urist.
"Ha! Yes, your majesty! Look! They cant get in the gates. Well of course you cant get in the gates! Theres a siege on you bloody fools!" Mogror laughed heartily. "It will be interesting to see if they can make it to the open east gate."
"After breeding a couple more generations of cannon fodder, the goblins have finally found the bollocks to attack our home, and THIS is when the humans decide to attempt a run on the blockade?" Urist just couldnt believe.
They watched as the caravan made its way around the south side of the fortress, running directly into a squad of goblins. Urist and Mogror laughed as the Humans tried to dodge the fireballs and turn and run the other way. Protected by the marksdwarves above, they managed to survive this encounter and continue on towards the east gate.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege7fire.png)
Over by the eastern gate, a squad of goblins was approaching. The Khamerites were attempting to run back behind the safety of the fortress walls, when all of a sudden, some kobold bowmen sprung an ambush!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege5ambush.png)
Never before had any of the dwarves of Blockedlance seen a koblod ambush. Sure there had been thieves....and over the decades surely countless kobold thieves had managed to scurry away with the junk strewn all around the outer edges of the fortress. By now, Blockedlance was legendary among these kobolds as a den of wealth ripe for the taking. The poor sods stood no chance in reality....but managed to be a nuisance nonetheless.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege6xanthiuswound.png)
Xanthius 2.0 received a kobold arrow straight to the lower spine. Not the kind of situation a Khamerite noble ever expected to find himself in, I bet.
A Human caravan guard named Birod chases one of the little buggers around the outer swamplands. It lasts quite a while, and eventually the kobold was killed. I couldnt help but hear circus music as I watched Birod running in circles after this guy.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/BirodChase.png)
As the caravan and Khamerites manage to flee into the fortress, another ambush of kobolds is sprung. Jazz is on guard......but is busy catching some Z's.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ambushJazzSleeps.png)
The humans finish them off however, and Jazz wakes up in time to deal with a squad of Elves on horseback that show up and the end of the long invading rabble.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ELFSIEGEWINTER1.png)
Goblins, Kobolds, and Elves....they had been besieging us or decades. Now their first wave has been wiped out. They had hoped to starve us into submission....but now....now look at them. Bloody burnt corpses on the ground. Good riddance.
Even the combined might of three races cannot defeat us!
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 24, 2011, 11:58:13 am
May their adorable little eyes rest in peace.
Post by: EmperorNuthulu on April 24, 2011, 12:33:16 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SIEGESummer.png)
Isn't there already the vile force of darkness that exists from the crazy armok worshipping dwarves? If anything it's a vile force of crusaders :P.
Post by: Yoink on April 25, 2011, 01:58:19 am
Post by: peregarrett on April 25, 2011, 02:15:29 am
So awesome. Waiting for more!
Post by: MrGimp on April 25, 2011, 11:11:20 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/summerrains.png)
I dont know why it started spilling so much water all of a sudden....temperature and weather has always been on....but the courtyard ditch is now filling with water. It continues until the moat is completely filled with water. I guess I can turn it to magma now....but I was wanting to wall the murky pools off first. Stupid monsoon rains!!!
Oh well. Life goes on.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/summerUristBaby.png)
Dwarves die and dwarves are born. Some cosmic wheel somewhere keeps spinning....or something like that.
288 is also the year where the dwarves finally start to feel a little ashamed for being naked all the time. Early on, the inhabitants of Blockedlance had raided goblin caravans for silk. Even the poorest of dwarves wore elaborate silk robes. But then those robes had rotted away, and with only humans and dwarves to trade with, the dwarves had clothes of only leather and cloth. When the caravans stopped coming, and the leather and cloth had rotted off their bodies, the dwarves had become accustomed to wearing only mud, blood, and vomit to hide their ugly bits. They had done so for many decades. Being the party-animal alcoholics that they were, it had not bothered them too much.
All but one dwarf....a dwarf Urist had come to call Clovos.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/CLOVOS.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/maketrousers2.png)
Clovos was obsessed with restoring the civilized dignity of clothed sentient beings. As long as there was breathe in his lungs....he swore there would be pants!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/maketrousers.png)
Two other dwarves gained notable names this year.
One dwarf has become socially awkward, and quite paranoid after the death of his brother Afrosquirrel. All he wanted was to hide away from the crazy dwarves he was trapped with. His hermetic tendencies were held back by his loyalty and love of his family...but he knew that when he got his chance he would leave this cursed death pit. His morose anti-social behavior was noticed by the Empress, and she gave him the name 'Nuthulu'.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/NUTHULU.png)
Another dwarf in the Kurkish clan touched Urist much more deeply though. He had taken up his dead father's rose quartz grunge harp, and though the poor young dwarf made the fortress halls an unbearable place to be when he played, Urist had faith that with practice he could one day be as melodic and yet chromatic as his grunge harpist father. From now on, the young musician would be known as 'Ubermensch'.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UBERMENSCH.png)
Post by: EmperorNuthulu on April 26, 2011, 10:43:43 am
Post by: Keltiknight on April 26, 2011, 08:52:29 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 28, 2011, 12:59:44 am
Hey, could I get on this train to Armok-based death? gladiator fighter dwarf if possible.(I assume ya still collect monsters to toss in the arena for people to fight.) If not, one of the surface dwarves, preferably a woodcutter or herbalist. Great story, Can't wait for more, it pretty much surpasses Boatmurdered in my eyes. :P 8)
Hell yeah, all are welcomed on the train to death! I need to use the arena more again anyways, so in ya go Keltknight!!! I still have some masterwork adamantine battle-axes lying around from our old dead warriors. Ill give you one of those.
Post by: Keltiknight on April 28, 2011, 10:57:22 am
Hey, could I get on this train to Armok-based death? gladiator fighter dwarf if possible.(I assume ya still collect monsters to toss in the arena for people to fight.) If not, one of the surface dwarves, preferably a woodcutter or herbalist. Great story, Can't wait for more, it pretty much surpasses Boatmurdered in my eyes. :P 8)
Hell yeah, all are welcomed on the train to death! I need to use the arena more again anyways, so in ya go Keltknight!!! I still have some masterwork adamantine battle-axes lying around from our old dead warriors. Ill give you one of those.
Awesome! Either I will die ten seconds in, or ten years in, either way, it will be comical, and likely epic.
Post by: Ganondwarf on April 28, 2011, 06:16:12 pm
And I skipped like 50 pages, too...
Well, if you don't mind naming another dwarf...Ganon, please. Any role that will be cool to read about, thanks.
Oh, and btw, how did you get Urist to slaughter civilians with her bare fists all those pages ago? Come to think of it, I haven't tried, but I didn't think you could order squads to attack civilians.
Post by: Argonnek on April 28, 2011, 07:12:38 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 30, 2011, 09:19:33 pm
Post by: MrGimp on April 30, 2011, 09:59:50 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring289.png)
Urist made the heir apparent to the Kurkish Clan (since the eldest son Johann Schmidt had been abducted by goblins) the new trader so that he could get a purply flashy title, as befits an heir to a noble clan. However, since young Denisol Noblerope has only ever been a strand extractor, he has very poor counting and arithmetic skills. Until he learns his trade, we have no economic reports.
It proves to be a trifling matter however...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/SIEGESummer.png)
...for who could care about economic reports when ANOTHER horde of do-gooder crusaders stalk our land?
It still seems odd to many a dwarf that the demon-worshiping goblins would crusade alongside elves...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege1-2.png)
...perhaps the centuries of war between goblin and dwarf just ran too deep in their blood? Perhaps too many goblins had lost their immortal lives in a dwarven fort for them to ever forgive?
Still....to side with elves was an unholy horror.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/siege2-2.png)
They would pay for their stupidity with their lives.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/autumnambush2.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/autumnambush3.png)
The slaughter was great, and afterwards, Jazz and MadMonkey24 decided to go relax and sip some rat weed tea. MadMonkey went ahead, but before Jazz made it across the bridge, another horde of greenskins sprung an ambush upon him!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/autumnambush1.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/JazzAmbush.png)
Dodging their flames, our mightiest Champion Lord Jazz sent the goblins flying to the left and to the right. A goblin corpse or two was even flung into the lava by the force of his blows. See the goblin corpses on the far left? Jazz was standing in the ash cloud when he sent them flying. They were stopped only by two trees that unfortunately halted the awesome.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/JazzAmbush2.png)
Still very far to toss a guy with an axe chop though.
In the flames and the fury, Jazz had allowed the bridge to be burned down, and nearly fell in the lava himself. Now he was trapped outside the safety of the fortress walls, and cutoff from our other axelord champion MadMonkey24. A couple Khamerites were trapped like refugees alongside him, hoping more crusaders would not arrive before they could get back inside.
Giovanni was there to lend his architectural talents to build a bridge....and a snide comment or two.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/JazzAmbush3.png)
At the end of the wave of goblins, we receive news of the death of another champion. It saddens the hearts of all to know we have lost another.....but the dwarves soon realize that this Champion did not die by the hands of goblin or elf or kobold...or even dwarf. No......something much stranger has happened....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TazgrentDiesOldAge.png)
The Champion Marksdwarf Tazgrent has become the first military dwarf to die of old age in all of dwarven history.
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on April 30, 2011, 10:08:51 pm
1. This military is superbly awesome.
2. This fortress is superbly boring.
All who pick #2 may visit the baptismal chamber.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on April 30, 2011, 10:31:43 pm
...
You should capture a kobold. Keep it in a cell. Make it watch the horrors of Blockedlance. It will watch the fate that befalls its kind.
Post by: AdeleneDawner on May 01, 2011, 11:05:14 pm
*watches*
Post by: MrGimp on May 02, 2011, 11:24:00 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/mood1.png)
Sucking up to the Empress and giving her things is always a good idea. This dwarf is also very smart and knows exactly what the Empress wants. He built her a goblin bone throne. It may not be worth more than the adamantine throne that Urist sits on now....but fuck adamantine anyways. Goblin Bone > Adamantine.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/mood2.png)
From now on Urist rules from a goblin bone throne. The adamantine throne will be moved to her dining room (next to her artifact adamantine table) and her golden dining chair will wind up somewhere (not sure where yet).
While sitting on her lovely goblin bone throne Urist is brought news of a new migrant. We have not gotten one of these in a long time. It looks like someone has finally come to fill Kurk Quorcane's old position as Philosopher.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/philosopher1.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/philosopher2.png)
We welcome the easy-going Armok worshiper into the fortress, confident that he will know his place and not make any demands of us.
All the while, the Khamerites and Kurkites are pushed to build the base of a new tower by the young Giovanni. Between the two main gates of the fortress entrance itself, a large walkway was built with a gallery above.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/wintertowerconstruction.png)
Overseen by Urist's children, the old windmill tower was broken down and the base of the tower expanded. Khamerite child labor was utilized.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/childlabor.png)
Unfortunately, children are not the most skilled of workers. Due to their ineptitude, and the Architect Giovanni's lack of experience, a section of the tower base collapses down several z -levels.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/caverncollapse1.png)
A Khamerite child is wounded....but who cares?
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/caverncollapse2.png)
Someone much more precious to the Empress has been struck on the head with a mass of giant stone blocks. When the smoke clears, and the rubble is dug through, the body of Prince NobodyPro is found...lifeless and smashed beyond recognition.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/nobodyprodead.png)
Post by: EmperorNuthulu on May 02, 2011, 12:19:07 pm
Post by: MrGimp on May 02, 2011, 03:35:28 pm
I like to imagine the image of old Queen Cog Giltbalance the Tactical Relief of Fortifying in horse leather is stitched into the padding on the seat cushion. That way, whenever Urist sits down, she's sitting triumphantly on the face of her old dead ruler/rival.
Post by: Yoink on May 02, 2011, 07:12:35 pm
I have a question, though... What's with the 'Wise' guy turning up? Is that some feature of 40d I haven't heard about?
Post by: MrGimp on May 02, 2011, 11:30:44 pm
Post by: 12innigma on May 03, 2011, 10:28:03 pm
If you're still dorfing, could I have one, just named Innigma. Throw him/her anywhere if you do, I'm not picky.
Post by: Chessrook44 on May 04, 2011, 06:18:35 am
If you're still dorfing, could I have one, just named Innigma. Throw him/her anywhere if you do, I'm not picky."Hallo. Mai name is Innigma Mataya. You keel mai father. Prepare to die."
Sorry, I read that line and I instinctively thought of that!
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2011, 11:29:39 am
Post by: Chessrook44 on May 04, 2011, 01:57:12 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/dying.jpg)This sums up the Queen's thought process to any non-worshippers entirely.
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2011, 11:23:10 pm
I'm glad to come back and see how much more this has evolved!
If you're still dorfing, could I have one, just named Innigma. Throw him/her anywhere if you do, I'm not picky.
Sure Ill put you in
Post by: MrGimp on May 04, 2011, 11:44:21 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring290.png)
These are somewhat turbulent times (although compared to some of the other times at Blockedlance maybe its not so bad?). With Prince NobodyPro dead, the Empress was even more paranoid and on edge. With Afrosquirrel dead the Kurkites are on edge. And the Khamerites....well a lot of them were dead, so they were definitely feeling the pressure.
Urist decided to increase the size of the military. She was worried by the fact that the military of Blockedlance was a bunch of superdwarvenly tough geezers. Most of them were pagans as well, and of questionable loyalty. Urist grabbed some of the younger Khamerites who were showing devout loyalty to Armok. Perhaps these few Khamerites could be isolated from their clan and rehabilitated? They could join their grandmother guarding the fortress. And hey....maybe someday on a whim she would throw them into the arena to fight each other to the death. You just never know.
The new dwarves are named Ganon, Urjael, and KeltiKnight. They are given some axes and sent to train under the swordsman Baron von Freden. In this way, the Khamerites shall bleed and die to defend the courtyard, and Urist can hold her more dear defenders back for emergencies.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/GANON.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KELTIKNIGHT.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/URJAEL.png)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/newsquad.png)
They are knighted in a ceremony in the Temple of Armok, which has seen some recent additions. There is seating on wooden pews for the congregation. Theres a few pillars around. Some gold statues. Theres some adamantine statues up on pillars, and between them (you cant see it in the Visualizer) is an artifact ruby idol (of Armok) sitting majestically above the faithul.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/TempleVisual.png)
Post by: MrGimp on May 05, 2011, 12:18:14 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ambush1-1.png)
A Kurkish Farmer happens to be outside as well, however. He gets a beating before Lord Jazz rescues him. Check out his last name though. What a great name for a peasant. Certainwhip.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ambush2-1.png)
Jazz and MadMonkey fight off wave after wave and are pulled away from the front gate.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ambush3-1.png)
A few elven stragglers manage to get one civilian kill. It is Moose, a Slemitic Noble. She bleeds to death out their in the field before Jazz and MadMonkey could return to the eastern gate.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ambush4MooseDeath.png)
This is a shocking blow. The Slemites are the smallest clan, and each death impacts them greatly.
Also, Moose was our Metropolis Manager.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/vacant.png)
So now we have to find a new outpost manager. What an interesting life Moose lived. She grew up the daughter of a Duchess and Duke that was murdered by her Queen. Whn she was 12 she was abducted by quarcaine-addicted creepy miners and held in a cave for some time. Then she came back and was Metropolis Manager. Now...now she was a rotten corpse in a field. She was taken down to her tomb in great sadness.
Post by: Yoink on May 05, 2011, 07:54:46 am
Looking foward to seeing Yoigen grow up, make friends, learn the subleties of dwarven politics, learn from the sages and somehow gain a place of power, ushering a new era of love, peace and contentedment...
Or more likely dying horribly when some sneaky, greed-driven plot to overthrow her tyrannical mother backfires in her face. :P
Post by: EmperorNuthulu on May 05, 2011, 10:12:18 am
Post by: Eagle on May 05, 2011, 08:57:36 pm
Post by: NRDL on May 06, 2011, 02:51:11 am
Post by: MrGimp on May 08, 2011, 12:44:22 pm
Can I please have a dwarf in this hellhole of a fort? His name should be Nix and can he be one of the Khamerites?
No problem. Youre in.
Post by: MrGimp on May 08, 2011, 05:38:52 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/clearcuttingtheUGF.png)
The surface constructions continue unabated. The inn and the tavern now have new floors, and construction of the inn's roof has begun.
When the Humans come, our new trader Denisol Noblerope is there to greet them at the depot.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/caravan.png)
Remember that slip up many years back, where I had accidentally left raw adamantine as an acceptable stone to use in crafts? Well I didnt realize how much we had made until the haulers brought this bin to the depot.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/caravan2adamantine.png)
Of course we did not sell these precious trinkets to the humans. We shall keep them for ourselves....even though no one here has the cash to buy this gaudy stuff. That is irrelevant!
Anyhoo...the dwarf Nil has gotten himself a very interesting new hobby. He has taken a liking to carving crafts and totems out of the bones and skulls of our dead enemies. All the dwarves marvel at his talents.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/NilsHobby.png)
Tallpanzer has not developed such a lovely habit however. He has taken to dropping fat in the main hallway on the first level. The main entrance to the fort is now strewn with lard.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/OddDecor.png)
Is this some new style of decor? Is he trying to get dwarves to slip on the lard piles? What kind of a sick bastard spreads lard around the fortress?
Oh well. We'll leave our lye maker to his fat fetish. Let's check up on Xanthius 2.0, the Khamerite noble who was struck with a kobold arrow in the lower spine.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/XanthiusCheckup.png)
Oh, that's gotta hurt. Bed ridden for the rest of his life in the old abandoned peasant quarters. Dozens died in that area due to the flooding, and now Xanthius would lay crippled and immobile until old age crept over him. His tears and cries of agony will delight the Empress and the Blood God for years to come. Huzzah!
Post by: magmaholic on May 09, 2011, 05:43:45 am
a hermit one?
who has sealed himself away,and is using the magma from the channel for his own advantage?(smelter,metalsmiths workshop,entrance traps)
and who is hiding from the madness of the freaky (but extremely badass)world?
that would be cool :3
name him tor.
if that is too much asked,i just want a dwarf named tor .-.
(http://sadpanda.us/images/472874-CFMZ8ET.bmp)
Post by: NobodyPro on May 09, 2011, 06:43:16 am
He drifted past his mother, she was trying to teach his sibling how to scalp an elf but they weren't interested. The only thing stopping him from going stark raving mad was the pretty doors he always floated through. He went into the dining room and sat down, by that I mean his spirit lowered itself to the hight he would have been when he sat down for a headbutting competition with the other children.
Suddenly, someone sat on him. The purple mist disappeared, the beautiful smell of dozens of filthy unwashed bodies filled his nostrils and the familiar taste of +kitten sweetbread biscuit+ filled his mouth. He was alive, somehow...
---
Re-dorfing please, any gender, any profession. Named Nullus and doesn't draw attention to the fact that they are possessed by the ghost of one of the queen's dead children. Let the story of NobodyPro's spirit begin.
Post by: MrGimp on May 09, 2011, 08:56:46 pm
Heh, If the elves think they'll breach blockedlanced then they're far from right. Also any news on my dwarf nuthulu? Hopefully he hasn't been crushed, maimed, burned, executed, drowned or been sacrificed.
Im still looking for a good place to put him. I was going to put him in the old Eribite cave out in the foothills that was never inhabited, but then I figured I would give you your own hermit cave. I havent dug it yet though.
can i have a dwarf?
a hermit one?
who has sealed himself away,and is using the magma from the channel for his own advantage?(smelter,metalsmiths workshop,entrance traps)
and who is hiding from the madness of the freaky (but extremely badass)world?
that would be cool :3
name him tor.
if that is too much asked,i just want a dwarf named tor .-.
(http://sadpanda.us/images/472874-CFMZ8ET.bmp)
Hmmmmm.....
Ill add Tor. Ill think about the magma. Precious precious magma.
The spirit of NobodyPro floated through the hallways, seeing everything through a purple haze, trying to find some amusement in his undeath. Spooking Tallpanzer as he hauled fat had been fun but even ghosts get bored of doing the same thing.
He drifted past his mother, she was trying to teach his sibling how to scalp an elf but they weren't interested. The only thing stopping him from going stark raving mad was the pretty doors he always floated through. He went into the dining room and sat down, by that I mean his spirit lowered itself to the hight he would have been when he sat down for a headbutting competition with the other children.
Suddenly, someone sat on him. The purple mist disappeared, the beautiful smell of dozens of filthy unwashed bodies filled his nostrils and the familiar taste of +kitten sweetbread biscuit+ filled his mouth. He was alive, somehow...
---
Re-dorfing please, any gender, any profession. Named Nullus and doesn't draw attention to the fact that they are possessed by the ghost of one of the queen's dead children. Let the story of NobodyPro's spirit begin.
Ok Nullus is in.
Post by: MrGimp on May 11, 2011, 04:52:44 pm
"Great, then you will advise Giovanni on this project." said Urist at the end of their meeting in the royal throne room. She was about to dismiss them when Giovanni spoke up.
"Err....your majesty?" asked Giovanni, with fabricated meekness.
"Yes?"
"Are you making a Khamerite my boss? Do I really have to listen to him?"
Urist sighed. "No.....of course not. Uhhhhh......actually, I'm making him your slave! Yes. That's it." Urist explained, trying to soothe the young Kurkite's ego.
"Oh....well that's good then." Giovanni smiled and gave a cruel look to Imhotep, who stood next to him wearing ankle and wrist irons.
"Yes.....I command only that you listen to his wisdom on architectural matters." She glowered at the brash young dwarf. "If another one of my children die I will chain you outside in a stockpile of booze. During the next assault you will burn, boil, and explode."
Giovanni gulped deeply. "Yes your majesty."
At that they were dismissed back to their construction task.
Construction had to take a brief pause when Giovanni was forced by fate to attend the funeral of his mother.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/PetbeardDead.png)
Our Dungeon Master Petbeard has died. She joins her lover Kurk Quorcane in the catacombs....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/PetbeardDead2.png)
This is a devestating blow, and now both parents of the Kurkish clan are gone. The eldest heir Johann Schmidt was captive in a dark goblin fortress somewhere, and so the clan was now headed by Denisol, the heir apparent.
Post by: MrGimp on May 11, 2011, 05:33:43 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ambushAgain-1.png)
They charge into the flames. Behind them the bridge is burned....again.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ambushAgain2-1.png)
A Kurkish child happened to be walking across that bridge, however....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ambushAgain3.png)
...and they were soon bathed in lava.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/ambushAgain4.png)
The battle was over, and the chaos subsided. There, Lord Jazz, hero of Blockedlance, stood clutching at his heart. His left arm tingled. His vision blurred. His breath became more and more labored. He gasped for air, as he punched his chest trying to keep his heart beating. It was to no avail. There, unwounded and unscathed, Lord Jazz Theatretamed the Constructive Confusion of Dying, keeled over and died of old age.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/JazzDead1.png)
Tazgrent may have died of old age, but he had spent most of his life in civilian jobs. Lord Jazz had spent his entire existence at Blockedlance in martial service. He surpassed Akigagak and Akhier as well as his adopted father Captain Jack Spireknife to become the deadliest of our military dwarves. It is incredible that he has killed even more enemies than Lord Akigagak Citylancers, the Romantic Flayer.....but it is true.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/JazzDead2.png)
With one hundred and thirteen notable kills, and two hundred and ten total kills, he surely has a favored seat in Valhalla, right next to the Blood God.
It is amazing to see a combat dwarf survive this long. He survived elven bow, kobold arrow, and goblin firebreath. Lord Jazz once fought two demons at once all by himself. The demons were modded by Armok and had damblock of 30000, size 30000, and attacks of 30000. Lord Jazz is the mightiest warrior that has ever lived, and that ever could live. It was a gift of the blood god that he managed to live this long and die of a grey beard after a victorious battle. There is not enough beer in all the world to drink this dwarf a worthy toast.
All hail Jazz Theatretamed, the Constructive Confusion of Dying!!! Blood for the Blood God!!!
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on May 11, 2011, 06:17:22 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 11, 2011, 06:20:28 pm
Post by: Chessrook44 on May 11, 2011, 06:34:45 pm
Regardless, All Hail. Perhaps he'll be going down in history amongst the other greats...
Post by: MrGimp on May 11, 2011, 06:51:01 pm
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 11, 2011, 07:14:49 pm
Post by: Jackrabbit on May 12, 2011, 07:14:22 am
Man, I've a lot of pages to catch up on. More fool to me for not keeping up, I guess.
Ironically, were he Viking, he wouldn't go to Valhalla because he didn't die in battle. He died after.
Regardless, All Hail. Perhaps he'll be going down in history amongst the other greats...
From the sounds of it, Death cut him down because he was sick of waiting. I think that qualifies.
e: ha, oh man, Constructive Confusion of Dying, how appropriate.
Post by: NRDL on May 12, 2011, 08:31:10 am
Post by: liam1994 on May 12, 2011, 03:51:01 pm
can i have a dwarf please hopefully he wont die too soon.
Post by: MrGimp on May 12, 2011, 09:37:06 pm
wow this is one awesome fort :D.
can i have a dwarf please hopefully he wont die too soon.
Sure, what do you want to name him?
Post by: MrGimp on May 13, 2011, 11:16:25 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/FRONTBLOCKEDLANCE1.jpg)
There have been some changes to the tower's base. There was no longer a lower balcony, and the front of the base had a facade of dolomite pillars raising up.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/FRONTBLOCKEDLANCE2.jpg)
Also of note, the High Priest has blessed the water in the outer moat, and turned that into holy magma as well. Our lava moat is now complete. It took EXTREME dedication. I have to edit the lava one tile at a time. One. Fucking. Tile. At. A. Time.
It took a whole day.
Post by: Keltiknight on May 13, 2011, 11:44:26 am
Post by: liam1994 on May 13, 2011, 03:55:14 pm
Post by: denisol on May 17, 2011, 02:43:53 pm
Post by: magmaholic on May 18, 2011, 07:54:01 am
Post by: MrGimp on May 19, 2011, 10:36:31 pm
Name him liam and make him a crossbow dwarf please.
Ok no problem.
am i dead yet?
Youre not dead (yet), but thankfully, your parents are! And since your elder brother is being held captive in a goblin fortress somewhere, you are now the leader of the Kurkish clan.
and is Tor in?
Yes. You and all the other recent additions are in and will appear within the next update or two.
Post by: kerlc on May 21, 2011, 11:55:12 am
i am only around the chapter 9, but the story is just plain awesome.
so, yeah, do a book! with pictures! get an artist to draw them! or just use the screens, but then it won't look as preety.
Post by: magmaholic on May 21, 2011, 01:35:40 pm
i can do it,if you need,Mr Gimp :3
Post by: FGK dwarf on May 22, 2011, 05:37:38 am
Truly, this is the greatest fortress in dwarven history! It took me two weeks to read through the story, but it was worth it! May I be dwarfed? Name Vega; I'll take whichever dwarf shows most aptitude for Hamiltonian Mechanics...
Post by: Xyon on May 22, 2011, 08:46:05 am
Has Ragnarok all ready happened, with you needing to post updates to catch us up? Or if the Ragnarok has not happened in the game, how many more years ahead of the story is the actual game? And when do you think Ragnarok will happen?
Post by: MrGimp on May 23, 2011, 09:43:06 pm
this story should be made into a book. really.
i am only around the chapter 9, but the story is just plain awesome.
so, yeah, do a book! with pictures! get an artist to draw them! or just use the screens, but then it won't look as preety.
Thanks for the praise! I cant help but see it as mad hermit ramblings....but maybe mad hermit ramblings are good? This is bay12 dammit!
If anyone wants to make fan art for their favorite scenes that would be great! We can string them together into a book of sorts, or I can edit the pictures into their respective spots in the story.
It comes out that i AM an artist :v
i can do it,if you need,Mr Gimp :3
Hell yeah! Fan art would be great! I pretty much suck at drawing, but if anyone wants to depict the horror of Blockedlance in graphic form, please do!
FGK dwarf has been ecstatic lately. He admired a legendary community fort recently.
Truly, this is the greatest fortress in dwarven history!
Given the epic history of dwarves, this compliment humbles me, good sir!
May I be dwarfed? Name Vega; I'll take whichever dwarf shows most aptitude for Hamiltonian Mechanics...
Sure, Ill put you in. Hamiltonian Mechanics eh? I wonder....does that make him smarter than the average dwarf (because he has advanced beyond Newton) or does that make him slower than the average dwarf (because the dwarves of DF seem to have an innate understanding of Quantum Mechanics)?
I must say, when I was half way through this thread, and posts were still being listed as 2009, I figured that by the time I reached the end of the most recent page that the story would have ended. But I was wrong, man oh man this 40D fortress keeps on ticking!
They said there would never be a 100 year old community fort with a fully chronicled history. Some said it was insanity to go past five decades. We ate those people and now wear their skin as leather thongs. They said of us that we had succumbed to madness...... Madness? THIS! IS! BLOCKEDLANCE!!!
Has Ragnarok all ready happened, with you needing to post updates to catch us up? Or if the Ragnarok has not happened in the game, how many more years ahead of the story is the actual game? And when do you think Ragnarok will happen?
Ragnarok has not happened yet. Im usually only a couple seasons ahead of the story. Sometimes a few years. My schedule is chaotic and random (the way I like it) so it varies.
No one knows when Ragnarok will come. Elven legend says Ragnarok will come when the son of Armok sits upon the throne of Sil Gomath. Dwarven legend says that Ragnarok will come when the last brewer has died and the knowledge of alcohol has been lost to the world. Still others believe that all of reality revolves around Urist, and that when she dies the universe will end.
Post by: Yoink on May 24, 2011, 07:38:01 am
I never quite read through all the pages though, sadly pre-paid internet is not gonna last long in the face of such awesomeness. :( But perhaps I'll draw young Yoigen being swung by the feet, cracking the skulls of those would-be-assassins a few chapters back. >:D
Post by: Maggarg - Eater of chicke on May 24, 2011, 08:56:27 am
Post by: FGK dwarf on May 24, 2011, 01:17:59 pm
Sure, Ill put you in. Hamiltonian Mechanics eh? I wonder....does that make him smarter than the average dwarf (because he has advanced beyond Newton) or does that make him slower than the average dwarf (because the dwarves of DF seem to have an innate understanding of Quantum Mechanics)?
Bah, you modern dwarves and your quantum mechanics! Armok does not play dice!
Post by: kerlc on May 25, 2011, 07:42:57 am
edit, and make him dig a secret tunnel that goes straight into the fortress supply levels (where all the piles are) that way, he can be made into a subplot! like him getting caught by queen urist! and then hanged for stealing, or making him snatch a crossbow and go on a rampage!
ARMOK BE PRAISED! with +plump helmet biscuits+!
the ingredients are: finely minced elf blood, finely minced plump helmet
Post by: Eagle on May 25, 2011, 04:36:18 pm
Sure, Ill put you in. Hamiltonian Mechanics eh? I wonder....does that make him smarter than the average dwarf (because he has advanced beyond Newton) or does that make him slower than the average dwarf (because the dwarves of DF seem to have an innate understanding of Quantum Mechanics)?
Bah, you modern dwarves and your quantum mechanics! Armok does not play dice!
Dont tell Armok what to do with his dice.
Post by: Tradanbattlan on May 25, 2011, 04:56:12 pm
Sure, Ill put you in. Hamiltonian Mechanics eh? I wonder....does that make him smarter than the average dwarf (because he has advanced beyond Newton) or does that make him slower than the average dwarf (because the dwarves of DF seem to have an innate understanding of Quantum Mechanics)?
Bah, you modern dwarves and your quantum mechanics! Armok does not play dice!
Dont tell Armok what to do with his dice.
You didn't hear it from me, but Armok is an avid D&D player.
Post by: MrGimp on May 25, 2011, 06:25:52 pm
hey, can i be dwarfed? name him agish, and make him a hermit! he can be a cook/brewer, so that the fortress will FEEL THE LOSS OF HIM!
edit, and make him dig a secret tunnel that goes straight into the fortress supply levels (where all the piles are) that way, he can be made into a subplot! like him getting caught by queen urist! and then hanged for stealing, or making him snatch a crossbow and go on a rampage!
More hermits eh? The foothills of the Ruthless Tower are going to turn into the hills of hermits!!! Thats cool though. Reminds me of this scene (start at 40 seconds):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gglhv-aGCag (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gglhv-aGCag)
I cant make a huge subplot for everyone, though, so we'll see about the other stuff.
Sure, Ill put you in. Hamiltonian Mechanics eh? I wonder....does that make him smarter than the average dwarf (because he has advanced beyond Newton) or does that make him slower than the average dwarf (because the dwarves of DF seem to have an innate understanding of Quantum Mechanics)?
Bah, you modern dwarves and your quantum mechanics! Armok does not play dice!
Dont tell Armok what to do with his dice.
You didn't hear it from me, but Armok is an avid D&D player.
Armok went to Las Vegas this weekend for a Rammstein concert and played craps. I can assure you, he does play dice.
Post by: MrGimp on May 25, 2011, 07:18:42 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring291.jpg)
Another year ticks by on the calendar. The younger dwarves celebrate it, but the older dwarves dread the doom that it brings ever closer to them.
A Khamerite dwarf has become a legendary mason after being drafted to construct the tower, and as such receives a new name. He is now known as Nix.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Nix.jpg)
Urist names one of her younger sons Nullus, while still sadly remembering the short life of Prince NobodyPro.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/PrinceNullus.jpg)
Then there is the Kurkish dwarf Innigma, a man of such dashing swagger and lust for revenge, that Urist cannot help but draft him as a swordsdwarf. The death of his father Kurk Quorcane has always seemed suspicious to him. He suspects foul play and has sworn to avenge his father's death. His anger drives him forward.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Innigma.jpg)
There is also another Kurkite named Liam who has been drafted as a marksdwarf. He is training with bone bolts now, preparing to defend our great home from the elven and goblin hordes.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Liam.png)
Then there was Tor, a dwarf, who, like Nahere, is feeling the pressure of socializing with the psychopaths of Blockedlance. He dreams of hermiting away for the rest of life in the comfort of the mountains known as the Ruthless Tower. This is quite odd actually, because Tor is quite a legendary socializer.
(Vega and Agish are on the way...maybe a couple more posts)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/Tor.jpg)
Post by: nil on May 25, 2011, 07:41:23 pm
(j/k)
(or am i????)
Post by: MrGimp on May 25, 2011, 07:45:32 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springambush1.jpg)
While Baron von Freden trains the axedwarves, MadMonkey24 is the only available superdwarf that can take care of the elves.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springambush2.jpg)
He cuts down the scrawny elves with his artifact demon sword with no problems. The iron within the sword Strengthtrusses the Jaw of Reverence hungered for blood. The finely crafted iron image of the demon Er Dreadglances glowed brightly whenever an elven soul was struck down and sent to Armok.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springambush3.jpg)
The elves continued to fire their potshots though. With so little life left in her body, the Empress did not want to halt the construction of the new tower. Therefore, no one was ever ordered inside. The peasants risked their lives at the entranceway.
MadMonkey24 eventually made his way back to the eastern gate and managed to save a few dwarves. The battle was fierce, and his right upper arm was burned inside his steel armor.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springambush4.jpg)
More elves to the south chased and corralled more dwarves and began setting the swamplands ablaze around them.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springambush5.jpg)
It is here on this ground that Chare gets charred. The flames engulf her entire body, and she runs screaming into the fortress, with a trail of black smoke behind her.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springambush6ChareDies.jpg)
The dwarves try to put her out, but she bleeds to death from her wounds.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springambush10ChareDies2.jpg)
Back in the burning swamp, Tallpanzer, the Khamerite Lye-maker is heavily wounded before MadMonkey can finish off the bastard elves.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springambush7TallpanzerWounds.jpg)
He tries to crawl away from the approaching flames....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springambush8TallpanzerWounds2.jpg)
But continues to fall unconscious every few steps. When he disappears under a thick cloud of smoke, he is feared lost. He proves more resilient than that however...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springambush9TallpanzerWounds3.jpg)
He manages to hobble his way back across the bridge just as the flames consumed the entire southern marshlands (and burned down the bridge again).
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/springambush11TallpanzerGetsAwatFromFlames.jpg)
When Tallpanzer finally collapses inside the fortress and the dwarves have a chance to take a look at him, they realize that his lower spine has been injured, and he will never walk again.
Oh fate, how cruelly you spit at mortals.
Post by: Chessrook44 on May 25, 2011, 08:38:32 pm
Post by: Javarock on May 25, 2011, 10:27:18 pm
Entry #1.
I have taken to calling my new slave Twinkles. Twinkles seems to be helping for all intents and purposes with the construction of the tower however I cannot help wondering if Twinkles is beginning to guess the true purposes behind the tower, Of my wish to be able to interact with the celestial bodys in the sky, Of grabbing stars and using them as an alternative fuel source. If Twinkles were to find out I am sure he would make an attempt to tell our queen, However I have no idea what her reaction would be. So the secret must be kept at that a secret. If Twinkles were to find out I must assuredly kill him. No one will hamper my dreams, And any that do save the queen must die.
(The journal continues on, Detailing various levels of the tower and more ramblings about Twinkles)
Post by: peregarrett on May 26, 2011, 01:55:44 am
How's my dwarf going, by the way?
Post by: kerlc on May 26, 2011, 06:21:46 am
Post by: EmperorNuthulu on May 26, 2011, 12:14:02 pm
Post by: filiusenox on May 26, 2011, 03:10:33 pm
Heh, I'm waiting for the hermits to all team up and set up their own fortress, hermit power! :D
Spoiler: Hermits united? (click to show/hide)
Is filiusenox next in line for the throne?
Post by: kerlc on May 27, 2011, 05:59:54 am
Post by: Chessrook44 on May 27, 2011, 06:46:01 am
yas, and we shall live in communistic commune, sharing everything. EVERYTHING.Eeeeewwww......
Post by: kerlc on May 27, 2011, 06:47:19 am
Post by: EmperorNuthulu on May 28, 2011, 05:06:52 pm
Post by: kerlc on May 30, 2011, 08:59:20 am
or someone is going to lose a kitten. to a BISCUIT!
Post by: MrGimp on June 01, 2011, 11:14:49 pm
The bridge was burned AGAIN?! Why don't they just build it of STONE?
It is stone. Still burns though.
So, the guilt of Khamerites is slowly being forgotten? They are allowed to do some masonry, among with carpentry...
How's my dwarf going, by the way?
Not forgotten, just ignored for now since the Khamerites still have a use. There is plenty of work to be done on the tower and the above ground settlement, and if a few of them can be convinced to serve in the military and die for Blockedlance then thats all well and good. As a ruler, you never want to overlook sources of cheap labor and/or cannon fodder.
Ill try to get you in an update soon.
No we have to unite but at the same time only live in caves on our own. It will be difficult, but it will work.
Ahhh, the individual vs the group. One of the many conundrums of life. Human beings are most powerful in groups, and can achieve their greatest accomplishments. Yet it is precisely because the group is stronger than the individual that makes the group a dangerous thing to the individual. I say, it's best just to grab a bag of ratweed and find a cave with internet access to go hermit in until you die. You only ever really need to leave your hermit cave to hunt for poon. Or to locate more ratweed.
Post by: kerlc on June 02, 2011, 12:52:48 pm
Post by: peregarrett on June 02, 2011, 01:48:24 pm
or find a way to grow ratweed in your cave.Oh, it's simple. You just plant rats that their tails stick up out of dirt and wait till they grow.
Post by: colmmcsky on June 05, 2011, 01:07:44 am
Can I be dwarfed? I'd like a military dwarf if there are any available, but if not, any profession would be fine. I want to have a Fun death, and being a fighter is perhaps the fastest way to get that, but Armok knows it's hardly the only way!
Call him or her Colm.
Post by: denisol on June 05, 2011, 11:16:32 am
Post by: kerlc on June 21, 2011, 07:19:20 am
Post by: MrGimp on June 28, 2011, 10:00:07 pm
This is a great story, and I'm really pleased that its still going!
Can I be dwarfed? I'd like a military dwarf if there are any available, but if not, any profession would be fine. I want to have a Fun death, and being a fighter is perhaps the fastest way to get that, but Armok knows it's hardly the only way!
Call him or her Colm.
Ok Ill add Colm. Sorry for the delay in repsonding.
so i am the king of slaves ... can i part water and rain down slugmen onto blocked lance? also , wasnt i a strand extraxter initially ? anyways awesome tale you got here and i wish it to never end .
Airag would probably be king of the slaves. Denisol Noblerope is king of the bourgeoisie. The Kurkish clan is loyal and gets to live in the nice bedrooms made of flux stone....good solid dolimite exquisitely engraved by the Empress herself. Yep, you were strand extractor originally, and were not born first in line to inherit the leadership of your clan. However, when your elder brother Johann Schmidt was a young boy, he was abducted by goblins and so you became the eldest. Your brother, the true heir, still lives.....somewhere out there.
BUMP! sorry to say that, but it really is. i guess RL has taken (or at least slowed down) this fortress. have you died, mrGimp?
That unforgiving bastard Death has not visited my fate upon me yet, thankfully. But Economic Wage Slavery HAS visited his misery upon me in the meantime. Glorious beardly developments in my life though. Note to self: it's good to make friends with rich people who bring you more work from other rich people. By Armoks bloody beard I will have my fortune one day soon!!!
I will probably not be able to play DF much for several more weeks though. :'( I barely have time even to get on bay12 or other interwebs. :'( All I do is work. Work and sleep.
The story is not dead though! I have already sworn to Armok most high that this story would be completed, no matter the cost! When this current round of work is done in a month or two I will have plenty of time (I hope) to run a DF marathon down to the end of the story.
Post by: JacenHanLovesLegos on June 29, 2011, 08:30:24 am
Post by: Mobotium on June 29, 2011, 12:26:43 pm
2 things to ask:
whats your current fps? (cheers if its above 5)
Can I be dwarved? Any sex, name: Mobo Profession: Deffenceless hobo. If possible, and according to your whishes for the story ofcourse, I would like to be a khamerite that was given the best weapons they could scavenge from the hordes of dead... stuff, outside the walls and the task of deffending the rest. Have them build a guard house for him and maybe a small wooden palissade arround their *enclousure*. Maybe latter you could "accidentaly" let a gobbo into the enclousure and watch as he burned the walls... hehe.
As for weapons, just give him some cheap stuf, cooper or iron for example.
Post by: MrGimp on June 30, 2011, 09:13:04 pm
Ill add Mobo the hobo.
Post by: MrGimp on June 30, 2011, 09:49:20 pm
"I've had it! We've been marching for years!!! Where's Tradan???"
"Hey...calm down.....the coastline is just a little further ahead."
"You said that years ago! You pointed down and said, 'theres the coast, lets head down there'."
"We are heading down there now," said the telepath, not understanding what the problem was.
"Its been years!!!"
"Well, the Infinite Void is a very large place," reminded the telepath. "Is that my fault?"
"How did you see the coast if we were not on the summit?" asked Christes, foolishly attempting to use logic on the mad telepathic void-being.
"Simple. The mountains are made of empty void, just like everything else. I looked through them and saw the coast." The voice of the telepath that rang out in Christes mind appeared to have no problem with this explanation.
"Sooo....you know just as well as I do that there is no ground beneath us? No mountain? No coastline?"
"I didnt say it wasnt there....I just said it was made of nothing. Jeez....you dwarves just dont listen very well."
Christes was as confused as ever. "So things are made of nothing. Only you can see them, but yet, you still know that they are not there and are all just a figment of your imagination?"
"Figment of my imagination? I dont know why you cant see the mountains and the sky and the coast.....none of my visitors here in the void could see anything but void either. You just arent seeing what is clearly there."
"I saw the floor at your house. I saw your table. When you walked about your house I saw more of it. Hallways, corridors, and rooms."
"Perhaps because I spent so much time there, I made the nothing more into something....and perhaps that area of the void was no longer void...." wondered the telepath out loud.
"But you know that its nothing! You know this is void!"
"Of course. Everything is made of nothing. What else could it be made of?" asked the telepath. The question boggled the mind.
"I dont have time for your riddles telepath!"
"I dont have time for your ignorance dwarf! Even the solid matter being you think you are is made of atoms....atoms which are 80% empty space according to the best scientists in your world. If their microscopes were better, they would only see that the other 20% is made of nothing as well. How is your world any less of a void than mine?"
Christes heart sank at the insanity of existence. "I just want to see my Tradan again!" she cried. "By the Gods....it would be wonderful to spend some time with a sane person after all this time!"
"So now I am insane? You are the one that cannot see what is clearly there!!!"
"If it is just void between us and Tradan, why cant we just fly there directly?" begged Christes.
"Bah! Where is the adventure in that? The whiteness will drive you mad! Mad mad mad!!! Now come! Theres a city on the coast down there with a boat we can sail across the ocean with. We shall find your Tradan!" The telepath marched off down the invisible slope of the mountainside, whistling merrily as he did so. Christes watched the mad humanoid start to shrink into the distance before finally, with no other choice, she began walking after him.
Post by: Conan on June 30, 2011, 11:42:01 pm
Post by: MrGimp on July 01, 2011, 11:04:03 pm
Post by: NRDL on July 24, 2011, 01:39:00 am
Post by: Moose Fisher on August 16, 2011, 05:11:27 pm
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
My dwarf died after all this time? At least it was a good life, filled with luxuries and quarcaine.
If there's any dwarf available, name it Fisher.
I'll continue reading this spiral of corruption like I have so long ago.
Post by: NRDL on August 17, 2011, 05:03:45 am
please?
Post by: Nunzillor on August 19, 2011, 04:09:04 am
I'm sure he'll return eventually. He always does.
Post by: grank6 on September 24, 2011, 12:23:58 pm
also is this the oldest fortress or something seriously only fort i heard was like 15-20 years before this but now its more then 50 years!!
Post by: MrGimp on October 23, 2011, 10:56:19 am
also is this the oldest fortress or something seriously only fort i heard was like 15-20 years before this but now its more then 50 years!!
50 years? BAH!!! This fortress is nearly ONE HUNDRED YEARS OLD!!!!
And yeah I think its the oldest fort in a community story. Quantum Sawdust still holds the record for oldest fort ever though. Look up Flarechannel on the map archives. I think he had it up to 250-300 years last I checked. He had families going back several more generations than even I do.
Hmmm he did say something about taing a 2-month hiatus...
I'm sure he'll return eventually. He always does.
IVE RETURNED!!!!
Work has KICKED MY A$$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! My life has sucked purring maggots lately. Ive been working back to back 20 hour shifts. Last wednesday I worked a 33 hour shift. I told one of the Indian guys that works with us that I worked a 33 hour shift and he said, 'that reminds me of my days in Banglaore!'. Thats right people, Im putting in so many hours that people who have worked in the third world can relate to it. lol
Buuuuuuutttttttt......
Spoiler (click to show/hide)
Post by: UltraValican on October 23, 2011, 11:00:27 am
Post by: MrGimp on October 23, 2011, 11:14:54 am
It was a spectacular sight to see the telepath vigorously pursuing something of no significance. Could they not just walk there as they had been doing? What made this whiteness water, and that whiteness land? It was only the influential power of the telepath's hallucinations that forced Christes to play along. She could feel the ground under her feet when the telepath said it was there. She felt the hard smack of the city walls when he told her she was about to walk into them. She knew that if she tried to continue walking in the direction they had been traveling, she would likely drown in an imaginary ocean.
Perhaps she should just go with the hallucinations? Back at the telepaths 'house' she was able to see some of his hallucinations and take part in them when she really tried to. However, Christes feared going mad the way the telepath had gone mad. She feared losing her grip on 'reality'.
The telepath at last came back to her. "I've found a ship! We shall get direct passage to the distant shore! And for only 5 gold coins each! Isnt that a bargain?!" The telepath smuggly patted a non-existant coin purse hanging from his belt. His face was beaming with delight.
Reality? What was reality? Why fight the dreams and hallucinations around her, when such joy could be harvested from the meaningless wanderings and deal makings?
"Alright, lead the way," replied Christes as she stood to her feet. She followed the telepath into the whiteness where he said their ship was waiting for them...
Post by: MrGimp on October 23, 2011, 12:42:16 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/NixWithdraws.jpg)
Their temporary pursuits of hermitage brought wonderous creations to our dark fortress.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/NixWithdraws2.jpg)
Wonders like this Bituminous Coal Weapon Rack brought to us by Nix. Yes. What a wonderful creation. I totally would rather have this than another artifact weapon or piece of armor. Yep.
In other news, since our old Dungeon Master Petbeard has died of old age and joined Kurk Quorcane in the afterlife, a brave bearded soul has marched in from the hinterlands with a patent of nobility and an application for the job. Unfortunately for the would-be Dungeon Master, he worships the wrong God. This is not tolerated in Armok's holy city, and while the Empress expresses kindness and civility openly, behind the scenes she plots his untimely demise.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/DUMArrives.jpg)
Why should we allow this taint in our lands? The Khamerites are bad enough being half pagan, we simply cannot let a full pagan into a position of power. It just wont do for the capital of dwarfkind.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/miasmafood1.jpg)
After all, Blockedlance is so rich and so opulent that even the rotten bread sitting under clouds of miasma is worth a lifetime's earning for an average dwarf.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/miasmafood2.jpg)
Summer of this year brings us a caravan from the human lands...
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/summersiege1.jpg)
...and it also brings another siege from the goblins.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/summersiege2.jpg)
They are immediately pummeled under a hail of bolts from atop our mighty walls!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/summersiege3.jpg)
They can do no harm to us or the caravan at all.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/summersiege4.jpg)
The humans, having seen Blockedlance grow from a small hole in a hillside to the capital of all dwarfkind, with a temple to the Blood God, a pyramid to a mad Empress, and the thickest and sturdiest walls which were now completely surrounded by a moat of lava are indeed quite struck by the terror of the place as they pass by the carcasses of the goblins that had so recently been pursuing them.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/summersiege5.jpg)
It is this year that Urists eldest son and eldest daughter come of age. The two brats, ever quarreling about who deserves the Imperial Crown, immediately begin sparring in the barracks, continuously trying to one up the other and prove their superior strength and bloodlust.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/UggiLuciferOfAge.jpg)
Post by: MrGimp on October 23, 2011, 02:23:15 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/wintersiege1.jpg)
Of course they burn the bridge again....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/wintersiege2.jpg)
...and set a bunch of stuff on fire.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/wintersiege3.jpg)
Our champion marksdwarves repel them, but unfortunately Captain Coder takes a few too many bolts in his body and has a hard time keeping his blood inside of himself. Corcha receives a battlefield promotion while standing beside the corpse of her former commander.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/wintersiege4.jpg)
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/wintersiege5.jpg)
Post by: filiusenox on October 23, 2011, 06:52:35 pm
Its back from hell!
Congrats Mr.Gimp.
Post by: Innominate on October 24, 2011, 01:23:17 am
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/NixWithdraws2.jpg)
Wonders like this Bituminous Coal Weapon Rack brought to us by Nix. Yes. What a wonderful creation. I totally would rather have this than another artifact weapon or piece of armor. Yep.
Don't be so hasty. This is a great opportunity to set it on fire and use it as a booze fuse. If you submerge it in magma it should burn forever (since as an artifact it cannot be destroyed). You can then store booze in a one-tile garbage chute with a bridge at the bottom. Open the bridge and the booze falls onto the bituminous coal, which should very quickly boil all of the contents (and set the barrels on fire, of course).
This is hypothetical, but I would love to try it. If nothing else it would be funny watching kobolds trying to steal it.
Post by: Keltiknight on October 24, 2011, 12:25:47 pm
Post by: DerUbermensch on October 24, 2011, 02:54:44 pm
Post by: NRDL on October 24, 2011, 09:02:11 pm
Can I please have a personality and skills check on him?
Post by: MrGimp on November 05, 2011, 02:04:45 pm
Don't be so hasty. This is a great opportunity to set it on fire and use it as a booze fuse. If you submerge it in magma it should burn forever (since as an artifact it cannot be destroyed). You can then store booze in a one-tile garbage chute with a bridge at the bottom. Open the bridge and the booze falls onto the bituminous coal, which should very quickly boil all of the contents (and set the barrels on fire, of course).
This is hypothetical, but I would love to try it. If nothing else it would be funny watching kobolds trying to steal it.
This is a great idea actually. Now I wanna set this thing on fire and play with it! lol
Post by: MrGimp on November 05, 2011, 02:29:00 pm
Its a picture heavy and story heavy thread so it can take some time to put together a post, and I dont have much time these days. I apologize for not being able to follow every dwarf. I try to get everyone in the story as I go. As far as a guarantee though, I can only guarantee that a dwarf gets two posts. The post where your dwarf is born/named, and the post where they die. All other posts are bonuses that come when DF rolls the dice your way and causes something interesting to happen to you or near you. Also the dwarves get posts when they come up in a story scene.
But with almost 100 named dwarves its impossible to follow them all. :( Sorry my dwarven brethren.
I suppose though if you have not been mentioned in the story then shout out your dwarf's name and Ill try to work them into a story post in the future.
Post by: MrGimp on November 05, 2011, 03:30:30 pm
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/spring292.png)
Many said these lands were cursed, and that the dwarves had awoken the greatest of the ancient demons, and that soon the world would fall to ruin as it had before. However, when surrounded by the luxurious opulence of Blockedlance and its immense wealth valued at over 22 million copper coins, it was easy to ignore the goblins and elves banging at the gate.
This spring was not just accompanied by the birth of new plant life, but the birth of new Dwarven life as well. Both the Empress and the Khamerite brood mother have given birth to girls.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/babygirls.png)
It was both joyous and bitter, as the Empress knew that every broodling she had was security that her dynasty would rule till the end of time, but every child of the Khamerite brood was a threat to her and her lineage.
It was also joyous and bitter when a siege came. Bitter because we always grit our teeth at evil goblin scum. Joyous because Asmel Zulbandak, Khamero's mother, has been wounded by goblin arrows as she defended the courtyard walls.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AsmelWounded.jpg)
Her wounds bleed profusely, and she dies atop our mighty stone defenses.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AsmelDies.jpg)
This kill earns the elite goblin crossbowman below a name. Rumorjackals. He is the Hyena of Death, and he shouts it out in the middle of battle. He takes a bolt to the leg, but continues to rain hell up several z levels and through our fortifications.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/AsmelDies2.jpg)
Corcha Archtongs, the Contemptable Pride of Ink valiantly tries to hold position atop the walls and remain firing. However, several bolts pierce her body, and she is forced to crawl away into the safety of the guardhouse, leaving behind a trail of blood.
Damn you Rumorjackals!!!
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/CorchaWoundedAfterAsmel.jpg)
The now legendary champion Kipi Frillytower the Ivory Relief of Oil takes position along the parapets, relieving Corcha.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KipiRelievesCorcha.jpg)
She mows down several beak dogs and lesser goblins, taking a bolt in the process. Twas but a flesh wound, happily. She soon ran out of bolts and ran to the nearest guardhouse that still had any bolts left in it's stockpile.
On her way back to her position on the southern wall, she is pegged by another goblin bowman and stops to return fire. All this fighting makes her sleepy however, and she decides to take a nap right there in the middle of battle.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/KipiAsleep.jpg)
Her squadmate Steve stands beside her slumbering body and tries to defend her. His position is hopeless however, and the Empress knows that she might soon find all of her champion marksdwarves dead. She acts quickly. She orders the eastern bridge lowered, and our last truly elite champion superdwarf charges out in berserk bloodlust. He cut through the goblin squad that had camped outside the gate. He cut through them like butter. Their flames could not burn him.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MadMonkeysCharge.jpg)
Now he turned to the remaining goblins, the ones that had wreaked so much havoc. It was a mad charge. One lone melee dwarf against several squads of firebreathing goblins with elite bowgoblins among them....
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/MadMonkeysCharge2.jpg)
Dodging flame and bolt alike he sliced through the petty goblins as if they were not there. Within moments of his arrival most of the goblins were dead or dying. The remaining few ran for their lives.
The siege had been broken.
Amidst the cheers and celebrations of this heroic charge, Urist tried to take advantage of the moment and orchestrate a plot against Khamero. His mother had died, and Urist hoped to decapitate the leadership in one fell swoop. Khamero had been working deep below, as a mason and miner on her mysterious catacombs beneath the pyramid. Urist ordered her loyal Stonecutters to make him have an 'accident'.
(http://i595.photobucket.com/albums/tt32/dwarfgimp/khamerocollapse.png)
A layer of stone collapsed on top of him, a cloud of smoke choked him, and many wounds bled from his body...but old Khamero refused to die.
Post by: Hitty40 on December 01, 2011, 02:52:23 pm
Poor kobolds.
May their adorable little eyes rest in peace.
THERE'S A KOBOLD IN DISGUISE IN THIS HERE FORUM!
Post by: grank6 on April 16, 2012, 08:21:33 pm
Post by: NRDL on May 31, 2012, 03:18:05 am
Welp, this has been an awesome story, truly amazing, and whether it gets completed or abandoned, it will stand alongside epics like Boatmurdered, Ironblood's fort, etc. May Armok's Butcher shop be remembered.
Also, shameless bump ;)
Post by: Argonnek on May 31, 2012, 12:40:58 pm
Post by: addictgamer on July 07, 2012, 02:49:39 am
Our champion marksdwarves repel them, but unfortunately Captain Coder takes a few too many bolts in his body and has a hard time keeping his blood inside of himself. Corcha receives a battlefield promotion while standing beside the corpse of her former commander.
Oh dear. Do you happen to know how many kills I had by the time of my death?
Additionally, I'd like to be redwarfed.
Name: "Red Dwarf"
Profession: Marksdwarf if possible. If not, any soldier will do. If not, then...A non khamerite child who will grow up as a marksdwarf if possible.
Gender: Don't know, don't care.
Post by: MrGimp on July 19, 2012, 11:27:54 pm
So sad that I left the title 'No More Stops Until Ragnarok' right before I stopped updating. :(
Life kinda took off in a different direction. It's been good actually. I've been making money. Working hard. I have my own company too. I also live in a small beach town in California. I'm within walking distance of a beach, a marsh wildlife preserve, and a bunch of hot tanned blondes. :P ;D 8)
Kinda took my focus away from video games. I really only kept this story going as long as I did because so many people seemed to enjoy it.
Is there really still any interest to see it finished? There is still the adventure mode stuff I was working on....
Post by: Urist_McArathos on July 19, 2012, 11:48:35 pm
Post by: NRDL on July 20, 2012, 12:02:42 am
I personally just want some closure: either finish the story, or tell us it's had its run and it's over. I'm fine either way, but I've been waiting patiently over a year for another update. I'd hate to go another year thinking it was still on and it wasn't ;)
+1
Post by: Theodolus on July 20, 2012, 09:51:27 am
I personally just want some closure: either finish the story, or tell us it's had its run and it's over. I'm fine either way, but I've been waiting patiently over a year for another update. I'd hate to go another year thinking it was still on and it wasn't ;)+2
Post by: Keltiknight on July 20, 2012, 09:54:08 am
I personally just want some closure: either finish the story, or tell us it's had its run and it's over. I'm fine either way, but I've been waiting patiently over a year for another update. I'd hate to go another year thinking it was still on and it wasn't ;)
+3
Post by: Tradanbattlan on July 20, 2012, 01:15:06 pm
I personally just want some closure: either finish the story, or tell us it's had its run and it's over. I'm fine either way, but I've been waiting patiently over a year for another update. I'd hate to go another year thinking it was still on and it wasn't ;)+4.
Post by: filiusenox on July 20, 2012, 05:45:52 pm
I personally just want some closure: either finish the story, or tell us it's had its run and it's over. I'm fine either way, but I've been waiting patiently over a year for another update. I'd hate to go another year thinking it was still on and it wasn't ;)
+5
Post by: Yoink on July 21, 2012, 01:19:28 am
I personally just want some closure: either finish the story, or tell us it's had its run and it's over. I'm fine either way, but I've been waiting patiently over a year for another update. I'd hate to go another year thinking it was still on and it wasn't ;)
+6
Post by: brcruchairman on July 28, 2012, 01:53:45 am
I personally just want some closure: either finish the story, or tell us it's had its run and it's over. I'm fine either way, but I've been waiting patiently over a year for another update. I'd hate to go another year thinking it was still on and it wasn't ;)
+7
Post by: magmaholic on July 28, 2012, 06:45:27 am
I personally just want some closure: either finish the story, or tell us it's had its run and it's over. I'm fine either way, but I've been waiting patiently over a year for another update. I'd hate to go another year thinking it was still on and it wasn't ;)+8
Post by: MrGimp on July 28, 2012, 11:20:29 am
I personally just want some closure: either finish the story, or tell us it's had its run and it's over. I'm fine either way, but I've been waiting patiently over a year for another update. I'd hate to go another year thinking it was still on and it wasn't ;)
+9
Oh wait....
I probably don't get to vote on this do I? Haha
Ok ok I hear ya. You dont want me dragging it on anymore, and getting everyone's hopes up only to dash them against the rocks like an elven baby. Fair enough.
Well....then I will work in secret. I will play DF in my spare time, taking notes and saving pics. If I finish the story I will return here and post the updates. If I get distracted by work and/or blonde beach bunnies....well....then may Armok have mercy upon my douchey soul.