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[Johuotar]

Awesome thread, much needed.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The farmer Mothkat Shedimudil has come! A short, sturdy creature fond of drink and industry.

Wait, why the fuck do I even have a shipping folder

I open up, I open up with a zealot rush and transition into MOTHERFUCKING CARRIERS 凹(ﾟДﾟ)凹

This week on Top Gear we answer the age old question, can a pony drive a high powered European supercar?

Tosid Ducimidath, militia captain cancels Pickup Equipment: Too insane.

"conquering the world and covering it in darkness and a lack of candy"

Your base is under attack! Transition into losing your whole fucking base.

-invade hell with undead army

Only in Dwarf Fortress.

Incidental Unicorn #2 is the best pony.
At one point some samurai experimented with putting candles on their helmets for fighting at night, but it only made them light-headed.

Military advisor: GIVE ME MORE SOLDIERS NOBLE LEADER SO THEY MAY SHEATHE THEIR SWORDS IN THE BEATING HEARTS OF OUR ENEMIES!



Confound these ponies, they drive me to gather my party before venturing forth.



The Toad hops in mysterious ways.

"conquering the world and covering it in darkness and a lack of candy"
Tosid Ducimidath, militia captain cancels Pickup Equipment: Too insane.

The Toad hops in mysterious ways.

According to Sony, Giant Enemy Crabs appeared in "famous battles that actually took place in ancient Japan". When encountering one, you may Attack Its Weak Point For Massive Damage, while using Real Time Weapon Change.

How did we get from soul-hungering maces to sexism in one page? I want to get back to that soul-potato stew we were talking about before, that sounded delicious.

Well bone mace -> It's useless -> No it's not, it hungers for souls -> Souls are delicious -> The bone mace decrees potato -> Don't you mean mash potato? -> Your argument is boiled, mashed and stewed -> suspicious culinary advice -> Dwarf healthcare jab -> how do sig do -> sig -> sigged -> We have to sig deeper -> Forums = Sexism? -> Lol wat -> Recursive -> [REDACTED] -> judges judging judges who judge judges -> back to soul potato

we get all the people that think they're special.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsiNY0byEqw

Sadly, that's probably the best you'll get.
In this twitch-based game you play as a young, opium-addicted Persian mass-murderer with apple fetish.

Conglaturation !!! You have completed a great game. And prooved the justice of our culture. Now go and rest our heroes !

Again, IIRC, Phalanx was the formation, Hoplite was the soldier. Regardless, fortified in a fort on a mountain, they can even defeat a stealth bomber.

"I've seen some shit, man. The badger... you don't even know, man. That badger was just... god damn. It scratched my arm. Tore the muscle."

[monk12]

My sigtext has finally broken the surly bonds of the character limit, and so I come here seeking refuge.

Spoiler: Quotes (click to show/hide)

I like how this community doesn't shrink from providing a Step by Step Guide to Visual Stellar Navigation: How to Reach the Moon Without a Calculator.

A noble just suffered a genuine unfortunate accident.

Has that ever happened before?

I read somewhere that if a cat falls more than 11 stories, it instinctively flares its legs out to increase air resistance. This slows it down enough to stick the landing with relatively minor injuries. In Dwarf Fortress, apparently, cats don't do that.

I, for one, accept this new wave of movies based on things I doodled in junior high.

THEY CAN TAKE OUR LIVES... BUT THEY CANNOT TAKE OUR SCHOOL PRIIIIIDE!

Several courtesans leap like flying fish across the surface of the hot tub and grab a firm hold on the naked Pimperator's ankles!

If it's any comfort, I'm sure they were all proletariat aardvarks.

Thank you for your opinion, it has been noted and discarded as silly and irrelevant. You are welcome to cling to your opinion if you want to. In the event of a water landing, your opinion may be used as a flotation device as it is full of hot air.

Kill now. Clothes later.

((Fuzz is somewhere past the .
We don't know where exactly, brcause the RNG cast him into the future. Where my evil is law.))

For me, personal morals win out over the law every time.

Violating personal morals often leads to feelings of guilt.
Violating the law often results in anal rape.

This is what happens when we randomly murder people.

You get attacked by a Yandere triangle monster.

Who the fuck names a space station 'Icarus' and is surprised when it goes careening into the sun?
It's like naming a ship 'Titanic' and being surprised when it gets sunk.

I'd like to place a reservation for Ross Vernal. I suppose I should start with an image:



No, Google, just coffee is fine.

What exactly is "fight sex"?

the first rule of fight sex is not to talk about fight sex.

Blessed are the cheesemakers, for they will be called children of Armok.

SHIT! I wish I'd thought of that one. My hat tips for you, good sir.

For those who don't get it, it's a Monty Python reference.

And here I thought it was a biblical reference.

Are references by proxy still references? It could make Godwin's law much more difficult to avoid.

I am behind. This is bad. To TVtropes I go to get ideas.

And Doomblade187 was never seen again.

More likely it's microcline. Fools Candy.

the numbers on a Spirit Roll aren't power level, they're the slot on my own personal Google Doc of all the spirits.

That's not to say a stone jetpack lazer dragon isn't powerful, though. A stone jetpack lazer dragon is totally powerful in almost any context.

Why does our Class-Appropriate Headgear take up an inventory slot, yet our Class-Inappropriate Torsogear doesn't?

Because then you could remove it.

The whole world will be a sock outside during a siege.

Am I the only thats bothered impressed by how sufficiently this sums up human nature. You have religions, factions, organized governments vs anarchy etc.  It certainly is an interesting social experiment.

Also highlights the positive sides of nuclear armageddon.

Yeah, adding a gearbox between jobs and dwarves allows all kinds of cool stuff to happen, but it'll have potential to just shoot gears all over the place, especially at first, and sporadically forevermore.

aw poop, that wasn't the modify button at ALL!

EDIT: WAIT FRIG I HIT QUOTE INSTEAD OF MODIFY

Someone teach monk to modify before he hurts himself...

The fact that I've done it twice in the same thread is embarrassing. Also sigworthy.

Breathing's really something you really really shouldn't do as an actual action, the risk of death being quite considerable. Anyone doing that in one of my games would probably end up on fire or naked.

Hacked most of the students apart with a katana, but then Senpai wanted nothing more to do with me .

Yandere Simulator. Unfortunately, that's about all you can do for now.

I have no idea who Senpai is but it sounds like they have unrealistic expectations.

Spoiler: Things I'm Proud Of (click to show/hide)

PRINCESS ABDUCTED- Inexplicably popular "minimalist" RTD, which I include here only because it sparked a minor fad. Complete
Let's Play with these Newfangled Pokemanz - My LP of Pokemon Black. Complete
You are a Necromancer!- Suggestion game about an Elven Necromancer learning to harness her powers through trial and error, while also exploring her world and the Big Things that are afoot. Indefinite Hiatus
Roll to Deathmatch - Round-based Deathmatch RTD. Dead
@@@ Pokemon Fables @@@- Half-baked Pokemon mod. Inactive
Mario Kart Grand Prix- A Mario Kart RTD, featuring 19+ players and an active metagame. Dead, probably
Legends of the Hidden Temple: The RTD - Half-baked RTD. Dead
Star Crossed - A Suggestion game that's Hatoful Boyfriend IN SPAAAACE! Twists and turns abound, as well as plenty of romance~ Dead

Bay12 FUMBBL Blood Bowl League: Season Four Signups Open!

[Aklyon]

I finally had a sig requiring more space than I have left, so into this thread it goes! (Now with linkage!)

Links:
Lets have us an alien war: XCom2 modded. Screenshot LP of XCOM2.
Lets Change Erebus, a modmodded Civ4 (Master of Mana 2.11) terraforming LP. Finished one game, second one had save issues.
Forum Games (The relatively complete ones anyway):
Crystalline - A forum game based on cerapa's old Crystal game.
You are WIZARD! - More than likely dead. If someone revives it, I might take a go at doing so, but I'm not going to myself.
You are Another Wizard! - Quasisequel to the above.
Energy Quest! - Multiplayer robot survival game. Don't think I'm going to do another multiplayer game, this one worked but I just had too much to do already.
You are a Satellite - In which a scout satellite is for some reason heavily armed with both cannons and a rover. Likely to return at some point since I have a good hold on REXPaint Paint.Net and thus far less mapping problems.
TACTICUS! - A game of Tacticus! What other explanation doth thou need?
Trapped. - A multiplayer town defense game. "Completed" in the way that it never had an expected ending, it was just for fun. Not to be confused with the much more recent You are Trapped, which is entirely unrelated.
AI B.A.T.M.A.N. Rebooted - Completed multiplayer game. Got too complex for me, but it has an ending and everything.
You are a (Ghost) Pirate with a multiclass in Bard - Dead forum game, unless proven otherwise. Title describes it pretty well.
Two/Thrice-Worded Adventure - A silly thing.

Other:
♪ The Great Music Thread ♫
Pondificationus Magi - A thread for pondering magic in.
~Spinning thread~
Adventures of the ASCII Table
Live Text Adventure - An experiment(s) in non-forum text adventuring. Feel free to bump if you want to start one up.
Pants - Just a random poll.


Quotes:

BUT I CAN'T PLAY WITHOUT THERAPIST AND A TILESET!

SON YOU WILL TAKE YOUR CHAOTICALLY ORGANIZED ASCII FORT AND YOU WILL PLAY IT LIKE A MAN.

I mean, B12 is like an oasis in the wild west.

It is the 2nd Millennium. For more than a decade The Toad has sat immobile on the Golden Office Chair of Washington State. He is the Master of Bay 12 by the will of the internet, and master of a million bytes by the might of his inexhaustible coding. He is a restless mathematician writhing invisibly with power from the Modern Age of Technology. He is the Amphibian Lord of the Twelfth Bay for whom a thousand suggestions are sacrificed every day, so that he may never truly sleep.

Yet even in his sleepless state, the Toad continues his eternal vigilance. Mighty threads cross the bot-infested remnants of Various Nonsense, the only route between the distant boards, their way lit by the Forum Guidelines, the digital manifestation of the Toad's will. Vast usergroups give discussion in his name on uncounted sites. Greatest amongst his users are the Lower Forumites, the Bay Watchers, socially abnormal angry debators. Their comrades in arms are legion: the Upper Forumites and countless Escaped Lunatics, the ever vigilant ThreeToe and the mafia aficionados of the Forum Gamers to name only a few. But for all their multitudes, they are barely enough to completely ignore the nonexistant threat from trolls, heretics, spammers - and worse.

To be a Bay Watcher in such times is to be one amongst untold hundreds. It is to post in the cruelest and most hilarious network imaginable. These are the tales of those times. Forget the power of scripted events and 3D graphics, for so much has been discarded, never to be retried. Forget the promise of cell shading and multiplayer, for in the moderate dimness of the here and now there is only Dwarf Fortress. There is no peace amongst the Bay, only an eternity of carnage and slaughter, and the laughter of thirsting Watchers."

"It is the 41st millennium. The shrine maiden of girlkind has sat on her turtle throne for the last 10,000 years, protecting the borders of the Imperium from Youkai incursions originating within the Gap of Terror. Within the borders, the loyal members of the Adeptus Divanicus, or Space Fairies, try to fight the only way they know how through sheer weight of numbers. Whole planets have been turned over to the production of danmaku, known as Curtain Worlds, that supply the soldiers with all important wargear.

Girlkind faces danger at every corner of the known galaxy. In their world ships, the mysterious and illusive vampires cling to what remains of their once powerful empire. Elsewhere, hordes of Oni gather in great drunken warbands, known as Brawls, descending on planets, drinking all alcohol and leaving a dry husk behind. A terrible fate for those stricken, for alcohol is the lifeblood of the sprawling Imperium.

From within the Gap of Terror, traitorous legions of fairies lead by champions of the four Gap Gods, storm the walls of countless planets. Their ancient masters feeding of the different emotions of their victims; Yukari, the god of plots and hope. Yuuka, the god of anger and bloodshed. Eirin, the god of disease and stagnation. Yuyuko, the god of excess and perfection."


Hmm, about time I stopped before it becomes too long.


Edit: I was encouraged. Foolish mortals, now you have to read my drivel.

Spoiler: Continuation (click to show/hide)

The Curtain Worlds are protected by the Adeptus Magicus, a private army of mages who spend their time "borrowing" artefacts from other factions with the intent of returning them after they've all past away.
Other than the Adeptus Divanicus is the Imperial Puppets, or Astra Pupa. Lead by brave puppet masters, these mindless dolls are loaded with explosives to charge into enemy formations.

Among other factions, there exists the Kappa. A young faction, their technology already rivals that of the Imperium and their shy nature encourages other factions to join them.
From beyond the known galaxy comes the Tewinids. An seemingly endless swarm of rabbits that devour all vegetable matter, pilfer money, scam citizens and leave planets covered in sticky mochi.
Awakening from their ancient slumber, the long dormant buddists stir in their tombs. Lead by powerful nun mages, these beings seek to bring peace and unification to all the factions in the galaxy.
A splinter faction of the vampires, the Dark Vampires are well known for their lightning fast attacks, leaving little left standing after their powerful attacks. Their speed comes at a price, however, as what they have in speed they lack in defence. Raiding settlements, they take prisoners to satiate their blood thirst and are lead by crazy, reclusive masters.

Following their ancient gods, the traitorous members of the Moriya Shrine arrange their forces against the Imperium of Girlkind, seeking to steal worshippers from under the watchful eye of the God-Miku.

From within the Imperium, the ever watchful Tenkuition keeps a close eye on happening news, re-writing it as they see fit and distributing the Imperial Truth.

Uh... I can't think of anything else to cover. I'm not happy with all of it. I was thinking of writing Kanako and Suwako like the C'tan but Byakuren Hijiri and Myouren Temple became the Necrons.

I am also rather out of the loop with Touhou, and have not played any of the games after U.F.O. so the more recent characters I know very little about.

I could use more books.


You know, the great thing about that statement is that it's true no matter how many books one actually owns already.

Fanfiction, m'fellow, fan fiction. It's like a functionally infinite supply of books that grows. Faster than you can catch up. Original fiction and just plain free stuff just adds to the frothing tide of rampaging literature.

And that's just counting the good stuff! There's another tidal wave of bad stuff that's like nine times as large.

Never run out of things to read. This is what the internet hath wrought. And it is glorious. Albeit occasionally on fire.

It's like a bush...

Spoiler: Spoilered for length (click to show/hide)

Except someone lit the bush on fire...

But the bush grows really really fast, so it's not dying it's just growing while on fire...

And then SOPA tried to put water on it...

But they didn't realize that would make the bush grow out of control...

And eat your house...

And then your house was a bush...

And then the military is called in...

And they try to drop bombs on the bush to make it on fire again...

But the bush is now sentient...

And the bush knocks the bombs away like Lebron James...

And Lebron James is really good...

He plays basketball...

The internet isn't a fan of basketball though...

So maybe the internet doesn't like Lebron James...

Maybe Lebron James and the internet are fighting...

Except there are lots of people on the internet...

All kinds of people, from all over...

So no matter where Lebron James goes, he's hated by the internet...

Which is a burning bush that eats houses...

So Lebron James has to watch out for burning houses because they hate him...

So logically Lebron James would be afraid of burning houses...

And fear is usually turned into anger by men...

So Lebron James hates burning houses...

So maybe Lebron James becomes a firefighter to fight the burning houses...

But the internet fights back by growing even bigger...

Lebron James is fighting a losing battle...

The internet keeps growing faster, but Lebron James can't bring himself to slow the growth of the internet by lighting it on fire because he hates fire...

The world is englufed in leafy madness...

And it all hates Lebron James...

Lebron James becomes a freedom fighter against the planty overlords...

He's probably joined by a interacial group of politically correct friends...

Like Mr. Rogers...

So Mr. Rogers and Lebron James fight off the plants...

And maybe invent a time machine, to go back in time and kill the internet before it exists...

But the internet gets ahold of it and sends back a stealthy killer plant to kill Lebron James...

Just like in the Terminator...

Thus Lebron James is like John Carter of the internet.

Osaka Logic.

1:15 AM - Twi: Watching charity livestreams and reading (things).
That's what friends are for~

Twi: They were reading so I made a disappointed face
Me: But I was reading earlier too.
Twi: 'Yes, but I wasn't trying to kiss you.
Me: ...You have a point. XD

Twi: Also, USEC says you are my editor dude person thing.
Twi: You need to put that as your sig or title or something somewhere.

Twi: Being a hat is an acceptable tanking method.

In other terms, Naruto ninjas are actually cross-classed Wizard/Monk/Psion hybrids. The reason only a relative handful out of thousands are effective is because most of them aren't good enough munchkins to turn that mess into a workable build--note how most of the ones that are also have some absurd template, like magic eyes, inner demons, &c. It's also why so many of the mooks die like chumps: low hit dice, low AC, and they're wearing armor with a decently high spell failure chance, so a lot of their spells fizzle when their spells/day and CL (and PP) are already really low.

The year is 2016.

Liberal President Barack Obama ends his term with high approval ratings, and is succeeded by insane demagogue Donald Trump.

With Conservatives sweeping into power in the House and Senate, and a Conservative Supreme Court, commentators are hailing it as the beginning of a new Conservative Era.

President Donald Trump has ask the new Congress to move quickly to rubber stamp his radical insane agenda. The left seems powerless to stop this imminent trampling of Liberal Sanity and Justice.

In this dark time, the Liberal Crime Squad is born...

[Twi]

Ohai sigtext thread.
Stuff I've done, because bandwagoning on Aklyon:

RotMG lore things: Public flowchart commit and open wikiflowchart.
You are (making) physics! - An old suggestion game. Died off, but was neat while it lasted.
Steampunk Metal Elemental - Technically a suggestion game, mostly a cross of Man of SCIENCE! mechanics and me worldbuilding. On hiatus: needs more writing. Terribly planned out.
Interdimensional video chat - If the title isn't self explanatory, think the mechanics of Homestuck chatting applied to skype. An RP that never really got too far, but it was a neat idea.

Stuff:

The hard-to-spell do not have many pants either.

It involves that guy in space and anime

well, other summons are other summons, I only govern the fringe of the void. But generaly the more powerful, the bigger the sacrifices needed for a successful and safe summoning experience

Do they accept American Express?

Now I'm just imaging someone surfing the Shank Wave; if you fall over, the sharks shank you with knives.

This would probably sound just as badass in any other context.

Twi: But they went to a movie~
Twi: And are apparently on a not-mobile. o.e
Aklyon: Twi!
Twi: Aklyon!
Aklyon: To the Notmobile!

<ForgottenBeast> I finished my book on agile developpment yesterday before going to sleep. I'm sure its a good way to devellop software if you are geographicaly close to the other coders. But what really got my attention is the importance of test driven development.
<ForgottenBeast> I'm quite enthusiastic to say the least.
<ForgottenBeast> I think TDD will make me manlier, enlarge my penis, attract scores of beautiful and rich women.
<ForgottenBeast> metaphoricaly of course.

Beck, Beck what are you doing. Beck stahp.

Hm. If technology is authoritarian porn, and Glenn Beck uses technology all the time to talk about it, doesn't that make him an authoritarian wanker?

Lab lockers are my waifu, they're so petite and helpful~


*snerk*

<smeding> i'd just call in sick
<smeding> but in the US that probably gets you shot or something, i dunno

Loksoral> I'm convinced Steam is a game unto itself these days. It's a game of cultivating, nurturing and watching your Backlog grow into a behemoth of epic proportions. Then, you clash your Backlog with other peoples Backlog, the bigger one wins.
<Loksoral> The amount of trading cards you've sold and collected act as modifiers to these battles.
<Darkbird> Lok, are you suggesting we generate a social media site for the social media portion of Steam in order to have our social media profiles battle for supreme social media profile? Because... meta.
<Loksoral> Exactly.
<Darkbird> Like Pokemon, except for Steam libraries.

Eating things seems to be a theme.
Found a codex entry? Eat it!
Need to heal? Eat a bandage, or a red stim pack!
New blueprint? Eat it!

Met a new human? Floran eatsss.
New monkey-man? Eatsss.
New fissshy? Eatsss.
New avian? Eatsss.
New glitch? Floran isss displeasssed.

Does it matter?
This is Scott Manley. He could make orbit with a bottle of Diet Coke and Mentos.

<Kyuubey> Damnit twi you were supposed to explode into babbeh.

... CANADA.

Hello, headwear.

<RangerCado> I'm not doing drugs, i'm doing Bay12

'good, I was worried' as 'good, I was worried that this RP was considered substandard' or 'good, I was worried that the forum was getting slightly sane and not making conspiracy theories that implicated the Catholic Church as an organization that severs people's souls from their bodies via Baptism'?

Jebediah looses a roaring laughter, fell and terrible!

Conny glances at Stella, distracted by her... her-ness...?

If she wants to land an ocean liner on a desert of sand, then she damn well should be able to!

...nomadic mutts.

The abridged history of humanity.

Magic is like sitting down and calculating the trajectory required to fire a gun so that the bullet flies off and cuts the chain holding up a hanging light, so that the light falls down onto a plank of wood that happens to have a knife on the other end, catapulting the knife into the air so that it falls in a way that happens to perfectly remove that cancerous growth. Except a lot trickier. And there is another mage standing next to you telling you it will never work because you have the wrong sort of hat on. And the bastard is actually right.

Hairstyle analysis

Something Evil: Understanding the thought processes of the highly religious is the Devil's own job.

Aklyon

an insightful and wily individual of mysterious and indistinct gender

-Aklyon's description in Echo Bazaar Fallen London, apparently.

SIG EVERYTHING

Because jet intakes are always useful, look at the kerbals. They can stick enough jet intakes on a plane to get it into almost-space! (and then half the time it runs out of air and gets stuck in orbit, but thats beside the point)

Aklyon: Magic flying (robocrafted) not-pants.

Obama: Practical and pro-Death Star.

Now we're cooking with gas, people.

I'm not quite sure what sort of gas, mind. It's probably hallucinatory. But we've begun cooking with it, whatever it is.

Test humans, get prophets.

Nanoha: I did you a big favour ...i have successfully privatized world peace!

Quantum tunnelling also applies to children.

The villian has 100% reality-proof plot armor. The expensive kind that covers all your bits.

The Law of Internet Discussion states that any topic that has anything to do with the government will eventually turn into Government Sucks and Here is Why.

The Marx generator will produce Engels-waves which should allow the inherently unstable isotope of Leninium to undergo a rapid Stalinisation in mere trockoseconds.

Thus establishing the triumph of the People's physics over the decadent bourgeois vacuum. Down with capitalist emptiness! We will replace vacuum with the bounty of the Proletariat!

Toady's beard is Dwarf Fortress.

And then there are people who, rather than letting information give them cause to reconsider their worldview, seek refuge in audacity and start harping on completely ridiculous things. Oh man, people... capable of such heights of greatness, and such depths of pettiness.

Its not that we joke, its that we tell the truth in a funny way.

You keep getting distracted and underwater mechs are gonna torpedo you from puddles.

Puddles of doooooooooom.

-This is why I still can't get into Battletech things. I'm too ADHD to actually read through the -OH LOOK A BUTTERFLY~

Unfortunately, the elevatus is not a lightning piston of justice.

bullpocky

To err is human, to moo bovine.

Non-quotes:

This poster is prone to generating pointless PMs if unattended. Store at temperatures above 0 C.

[miauw62]

NEED MOAR SIG SPAIC!

If he's a goblin spy, execute with no mercy.
If he's a dwarf, keep him alive and throw him in your military.

...

wait a second.

I am watching my fortress crumble in fucking bullet time.

This is why I love the DF forums.  Someone says "Hey I want to host fuckin' multiplayer DF but my linux box is broken."  Next guy is like "Hey I'm a Linux System Admin."

Guys, jewelry =/= vampire.

Experiences with my ex-girlfriend say otherwise.

As for dwarfs being suicidal in their regular every day activity,

[krg]

857. You firmly believe that the story of BoatMurdered should be taught in every grade-school history class, because, of course, it really happened dammit!

no magma is involved though...

Therefore you have done it wrong.

Dear Planters;

...

Please do your jobs, or I'll give it to someone else, and you will become ...useful. Or, at least, a tasty soup.

Grumpily yours,
Tamber.
Ovr'sr, Metropolis of Susnûul.

Dwarf Fortress.
The only game where throwing babies into a pit with crazed dogs will be considered a beneficial concept.

... With enough serrated discs anything can become a liquid.

Lies, filthy lies! Adamantine is for socks!

Dear metalsmiths of Lazdumat:

Another artifact adamantine war hammer? What am I supposed to do, start a croquet club?

My boys just disembarked right at the confluence of two rivers.  Boom!  Alligator attack out of nowhere.  Two dead dogs and two dead dwarfs later, my miner chases the bastard away from the wagon.  While he's off bludgeoning it with his pick, my leader (the woodcutter) goes berzerk from the trauma and hacks down a third dwarf, injures a fourth.  Dwarf number five runs for the hills, meets the gator coming back his way with the miner in hot pursuit, and dodges into the river where he drowns.  The miner refuses to abandon the fight - vengeance will be his!  Meanwhile, the injured dwarf bleeds out, the expedition doctor (naturally) having been the first to die.  That's five dead dwarfs 30 seconds into the expedition.

The miner finishes off the gator, drags the carcass back to the wagon where he finds the axe murdered bodies of his two companions.  His leader calmly sits by the river, fishing.  A bloody axe resting at his side.

Perhaps Luckycharms wasn't the best name to pick for this group.

Dear Captain Uvash, [snip]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

With apologies to songwriter William Jolliff. The real story the original song, "The Laughlin Boy," is based on, is pretty interesting. Search for something along the lines of `Seth Laughlin civil war pacifist' if you're curious.

Code: [Select]

Have you heard many a story
Told by old and young with joy
'Bout the fearful deed of daring
That was done by the Goblin boy/ (That was done by the Goblin boy)

[Chorus:]
Listen to me, children, well/ I wouldn't tell a lie.
Listen to me, children, well/ I wouldn't tell a lie.

That Goblin boy was a boy of honor
He loved his Dark Fortress well
But he would not fire a crossbow
And so was sent to a Dwarven fort/ (And so was sent to a Dwarven fort)

There he was pierced and he was beaten
Forty stripes he gladly bore
But he would not serve dread Armok
In that awful Dwarven war/ (In that awful Dwarven war)

[Chorus]

Ten steel soldiers stood before him
And they aimed their crossbows true
But he prayed "Lord, O please forgive them
For they know not what they do/ (For they know not what they do)"

These young souldiers would not fire
They defied the O'erseer's plan
Urvash, their leader, killed these traitors
So he could murder this young man/ (So he could murder this young man)

[Chorus]

They hauled his body to the refuse
Far away from his kids and wife
There, the buzzards ate his body
While Urvash, too, lost his life/ (While Urvash, too, lost his life)

Now his wife is sadly weeping
Seven children wonder why
Lord, it seems that truth and honor
Sure can come at an awful price/ (Sure can come at an awful price)

[Chorus]

Oh, have you heard many a story
Told by old and young with joy
'Bout the fearful deed of daring
That was done by the Goblin boy/ (That was done by the Goblin boy)

[Chorus]


[Gatleos]

GAT HQ
Avatars

Spoiler: I made these shitty avatars (click to show/hide)

Classic Geno.

Christmas edition!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

Spoiler: I also made these shitty penguin avatars (click to show/hide)

Pengeno! I put actual concentrated effort into this ridiculous thing.

Darvi penguin! Shiftiest eyes in the universe.

Solifuge abandoned him so he's the unofficial MonkeyHead penguin because why not.

Derm penguin! I think this counts as me making fanart of my own stuff.

Megapenguin! ...This just sucks.

Shittypenguin! Also sucks. But on purpose.

SWEeT pENGIN

Cerapenguin! Penguins can be anything they damn well please.

Pendwarf! The circle is now complete.

Forum Game Stuff

Spoiler: GWSWS 1.2 (click to show/hide)

This is the GWSWS, as lawastooshort calls it, a simple system for tracking player injuries in RTDs. It's evolved over time, and will probably continue to do so.
Injuries
Light Bleeding: Anything from a paper cut to a bad scrape. 10 healing points. [-1 HP per turn]
Heavy Bleeding: Caused by stab wounds, deep cuts, etc. Requires medical attention and 20 healing points. [-5 HP per turn]
Very Heavy Bleeding: Results from major bodily harm, such as impalement or severed limbs. Requires skilled medical attention and 30 healing points. [-20 HP per turn]
---------
Burn: Caused by tissue damage. Requires medical attention and 20 healing points.
Fracture: Caused by moderate blunt trauma. Requires medical attention and 20 healing points.
Broken Bone: Caused by heavy blunt trauma. Requires skilled medical attention and 40 healing points.
Missing Limb: Never heals, obviously.
Health
Players make a healing roll [1d6] for each wound they currently possess, starting on the turn after they receive it. The amount rolled is added to the wound's healing points, and the wound disappears when the points max out. Healing rolls cannot be made for a wound until it has received the proper medical attention. If a wound requires skilled medical attention, only players or NPCs with relevant medical knowledge can apply it properly. Everyone else gets a -2 penalty. Bleeding injuries drain health, of which each player starts with a maximum of 100. If a player has no bleeding injuries, they regain 4 hitpoints per turn naturally.

Spoiler: Quotes (click to show/hide)

Think of it like Sim City, except with rival mayors that seek to destroy your citizens by arming legions of homeless people and sending them to attack you.

it would be funny to see babies spontaneously combust

In my experience, it's endemic to PCs. "You all meet in a tavern" is not nearly as interesting as "You all meet in a barfight."

You need to think vertically.  Consider crafting an exploration vessel called the Pillar of Autumn, which has mega-tall walls, a quadruple-thick floor, but no ceiling.  The dwarves and any supplies you wish to send in with them get loaded onto what will eventually be the outer ceiling.

Drop the structure and marvel as the walls remain in place, 2 z-levels taller than the magma.  The dwarves stare upwards in awe at the 6-z-level caisson you've built them... and then tunnel into the 4-layer-thick floor, creating room for the supplies.  The dwarves migrate back and forth happily, moving booze into their new dining hall, beds into their barracks, and a breeding pair of cows into the abbatoir.  One dwarf hollers up when the farm plots are ready, and the mothership opens a storm drain.  Water goes everywhere, but the important thing is that it gets the farm plot muddied.  Seeds are planted.  The water on top of the vessel eventually evaporates out.  All is in readiness, so the explorers retreat belowdecks to draw lots.

One lone dwarf returns to the upper deck. He deconstructs the stairs he came from, builds a bauxite floor over the top hatch, and takes a copper pick over to one wall.

Tink.  Tink.  Tink...

You just re-created "The Core" in Dwarf Fortress. I think Einstein, Freud, and Newton just simultaneously rolled over.

Considering the general state of DF, I think Einstein and Newton are already rotating fast enough that you could hook them up to pumps and use them to kill Elves.

If Toady were to die there would be no further development, as his entire playerbase would be killed, mummified and buried with him in a giant pyramid so that we may serve him in the afterlife.

Yet another lesson why you really should read the End User License Agreement that comes with your software.

"1/0" is a paradox in a way that "0/1" is not. Nothing can be divided by zero. If one approaches the formula from the positive side, it would appear that the answer is an infinite positive value. If one approaches the formula from the negative side, the opposite is true. Thus, anything divided by zero is simultaneously positive and negative infinity. "One over Zero" is a paradox in another way too, in a way that transcends mere arithmetic. One is something, and Zero is nothing. The fact that the universe holds something over nothing, that it prefers to exist, rather than not exist, is fundamentally absurd. No being can ever come to deserve its own birth. 1/0 is a cry out against mere logic and efficiency. Stuff exists. All existence, all truth, cannot be ultimately justified: it can only be described, explained, and enjoyed.

1/0 is illogical. 1/0 is irrational. 1/0 is impossible. 1/0 is transcendentally unfair.

1/0 is true. Deal with it.

[bukitodinos]

My sig: The one and only

Spoiler:  Quotes (click to show/hide)

I wonder what you get when kirby eats a tentacle demon?

Cthurby? The eldritch pink ball of insanity.

WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU PEOPLE DONE TO THIS FORTRESS!? It looks like a scene out of the most pantshittingly violent slashers and war films ever devised! I mean for the love of god! There's hair trying to kill a dog!

Carebear Mammoth has come! Assemble the dwarves!

*Me playing DF on my laptop at my friend's place*

Friend: Dude what are you playing?
Me: Dwarf Fortress. It's Sim City with ASCII carnage
Friend: You can't do decent carnage with only ASCII (he's a CoD/BF3 maniac)
Me: Bet ya a case of beer you can.
Friend: Ok you're on.  When's the fun start?

*At this point I'd just gotten my Meat Grinder (1-tile-wide twisting hallway with a gazillion serrated blade traps) finished while the 100-goblin siege waited outside my walls*

Me: Right now.  See this lever? (opens the main gate) And this hallway with the little red arrows? (as the goblins come pouring in)
Friend: YeaaahhhOH MY GOD WHAT HAPPENED? (I'd forgotten to put a roof over the Grinder, so naturally blood and severed limbs start flying out the top and covering the area)
Me: That, my friend is what happens when a goblin explodes.  This little white 2 over here?  That's his head.  And over here a hundred feet away are his shattered legs.
Friend: Dude, get on my computer.  I want this installed and running before I get back with the beer.

And so we welcome another twisted brother into the fold.

Great, now I envision RedKing as some sort of wizard bear.

BAMSCARYPICTUREINYOURFACE!

28: you become emotionally attached to various objects around your house
29: you breed war elephants
30: you scream at the mere thought of an ampersand
31: you have an underground farm
32: you've grown a full beard (female)
33: you live off *cat tallow roast*
34: you use your newborn baby as a shield from a robber
35: you have cage traps for theives

Dear Urist McPumpSlave,

You see that second part of your name? The bit that says "slave"? That means your job is to operate that Armok-damned pump until you keel over from exhaustion and drown in the river you were supposed to drain, allowing Urist McBackup to replace you. This is your sole purpose in life. Every moment of your existence should be focused on operating your pump, to drain the river so the masons can plug the thing up and suffocate the Giant Sponge nest downstream. Your sole purpose.

This means you are not allowed to attend, much less organize, parties during dam-building hours.

Dear Boss,

Can't hear you, On Break

so, up yours.

-That's Urist McPumpOperator for you.

Dear Overseer,

I can take care of your little, rebellious slave, for a cost......

Love, shifty Kobold.

Dear Overseer,

I'll do it for free.

Yours sincerely, Angry, Fire-Breathing Forgotten Beast von Collateral Damage

Dear Overseer,

I can do it brutally, instead of it quickly, which that thing lacks.....

Love, Jack the Kobold.

Dear Overseer,

I will solve ALL problems.

Singeingly Yours, MAGMA

Legal summons to court for UristMcPumpslave,

I can't prove you're a vampire.
Doesn't matter.
-the hammerer

enable fishing, hunting, and woodcutting.

-the goblins

THIS IS NOT THE TIME FOR SPINNING THREAD I AM HOLDING A GRIZZLY BEAR!

SMELT FOR YOUR LIVES YOU INSANE LITTLE PSYCHOPATHS!

Dear Uristmcnopants.

Please put some clothes back on.
I know your old clothes wore off but I've made some new ones for you, out of silk to!
Your nudist behavior is starting to disrupt hard working dwarves, and with three types of vomit on you you're not much to look at.
On that note please stop having children (that vomit on you), 10 children is enough!

Yours
 Unknown forces

EYE STALKS AND TOILET PLUNGERS FOR ALL!!!

FB, a fire-breathing three eyed ass. It took me some time to realize that I was being attacked by a donkey.

You and your fucking land whales...

WE ARE ALL PIRATES

[Myroc]

Now usually when it comes to my signature, I just discard the more inferior quotes when I stumble upon a new one of my liking, but when you have a hilariously out of context quote regarding pants-stealing nazis it feels shameful to just dispose of it like a used murder weapon.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

We all have problems. Some people just have more awesome problems than others.

Innocents don't exist on a Bay 12 subforum. Anyone that's even heard of DF to any degree pretty much automatically loses whatever innocence they may have had. You can't ruminate on arrow-catching babies and keep any, unfortunately.

Getting angry is fun. Getting angry over petty things even better.

I heard pants-stealing Nazis. What were we talking about again?

That's.....Interesting?

You misspelled 'hilarious'.

Take notes before you forget. you can write them down on that box of tissues you always keep nearby

[Quatch]

I feel as though I should get in this game too, as I've now truncated the forum links from where I got my favourite quotes from. Never again!

SAVE THE PHILOSOPHER!

>>Toady One: I'll have to be careful with the distributions here to stop all of your dwarves from being deeply, deeply flawed, beyond what you might expect from dwarves.

>>KillerClowns: It's faster to write "!!science!!" than any of the synonyms: "mad science", "dwarven science", or "crimes against the laws of god and man".

I plan my forts with some degree of paranoia.  It's kept me somewhat safe.

[spook54321]

Blast, my sig has exceed the limitations of this program.  I therefore claim this spot for my devious purposes.

Elves! Traps, ceiling collapsing, spikes? Where is your honor, your bloodlust and your general awesomeness?

On the other side of the lever-activated 300 metric ton slab of rock, standing next to the axedwarves. Why?

GENERATION 33:
The first time you see this, copy it into your signature on any forum and add 1 to the generation. Social experiment.

[leafbarrett]

For my own ease of access: http://www.bay12forums.com/smf/index.php?topic=108083.msg4088364#msg4088364

They can do whatever the heck they want. That's why they are nobles, cause they CAN.
King Henry the IV or something had a lot of wives, most of whom he executed. Because he could.
A ton of them mass-murdered Jews and Muslims. CAUSE THEY COULD.
A Roman emperor made his horse a noble, cause he could.

And I modded them all out of existence, because I could.

I also love how much of a Woobie-"Fluttershy" girl Celeste is. A lot of people seem to be running around screaming "I'M THE STRONGEST AND I GOT ABILITIES WOO HOO BACK UP MOTHERFUCKERS" and then promptly dying, whereas Celeste is just "I can't fight. Also, I have a bad leg. Can we be friends? :3"

((I'm actually looking forward to this conversation.

"Can I have a knee brace? I have a medical condition, you see, and-"
"Can't we just cut your legs off and give you new robotic ones?"
"...no?"))

People talk a lot of crap about the feedback learning model.  A lot of that's justified, I'll admit, but it generates so many great moments that I could never go back to DF pre v1.4.

Spoiler: Let me show you what I mean. (click to show/hide)

It was my fortress' twenty-third year, and things were going well.  Population had more-or-less stabilized at 1200 dwarves, caravans and patrols were up, all that good stuff.  The fort was based in a gigantic limestone seam in a largeish mountain.  I had plenty left over even after setting up the spare housing and panic room, so I carved out the level below the panic room and took another run at my Supercollider concept (basically it's girlinhat's Firehose design, except the limestone's porosity was supposed to bleed off enough energy to stabilize the feedback loop, so that you can fire kinetic bullets instead of bursts of superheated gas.  If it worked it'd be DF's first workable ICBM, but it doesn't quite for reasons too complicated to explain here).

So: plenty of dwarves, immediate landscape subjugated, proto-superweapon in the basement busily building up air pressure and thus heat.  So far so good.  Then the Hatfields immigrated.

The Hatfields had a long, long, long history with the McCoys.  If I'm reading the logs right, about 500 years earlier a branch of the Hatfields belief-cascaded into a gestalt demigod, which couldn't sustain itself because it'd turned all its proto-worshippers into a single semidivine being.  It went demonic and sacrified a bunch of nearby McCoys, but ultimately fell apart anyway when it ran out of food.  I think.  But whatever, their host culture scored crazy-high in Retribution, Ferocity, and Oral Tradition, so once it was on it was going to stay on forever.

I should note that I'm reconstructing the early bits from the logs - I didn't notice the Hatfields right away.  The McCoys had established themselves five years previous; collectively they had "warm" or "intimate" relationships with 4/5ths of my dwarves.  So the Hatfields didn't quite dare force a confrontation, and the McCoys valued their relationship with the Watch Captain too much to do anything overt.  There was a rash of mysterious unsolved crimes around then, but I didn't put it together until after the fact.

Things didn't get really out of hand until someone looted the treasury.  My guardsmen never caught the parties responsible, but it had to be one of those two families; they each accused each other of gigantic thefts, more or less simultaneously (incidentally, this would be a case where complaint about the learning model is totally deserved.  The treasury disappeared, and then the Hatfields reported a treasury-sized theft?  DO THE FREAKING MATH, GENIUSES!)

With the economy broken open, it was suddenly feasible to hire my old adventurers as assassins.  I took that as a good sign: the extra money would leave the economy, the feuding parties would kill each other off, and I'd be able to go back to fiddling with my Supercollider.  There was indeed plenty of assassination, but one of the victims was the Mayor, who'd somehow managed to remain on friendly terms with both parties.  In the emergency election, the dwarves overwhelmingly elected Boss McCoy - according to the logs, over half the voters cited "ending this long-running feud" as their primary concern.  Ominous.

Anyway, Boss McCoy's first official act was to claim the Hatfield residences for some nebulous "special project".  His second act was to ban the manufacture and export of gold items, which by a crazy coincidence was their primary source of income.  The writing was on the wall for Boss Hatfield, and he was pissed; I don't think I've ever seen that deep a red in the mood window.  I was all set to watch the briefest, most one-sided civil war in the history of DF, but instead he did these things:

1. He persuaded the old mayor's son, who still had a foot in both camps, to throw a party for Boss McCoy and his supporters in the panic room.  That wasn't hard to do; I'd seeded it with lots of artwork to take the edge off.
2. He organized another, much smaller party for his family and friends.  He sited it in the gem stockpile above my sweatshop (don't judge).  None of the invitees really liked the location - there was nothing there - but their Envy and Tribalism were tweaked enough by the other, bigger party downstairs that they mostly went along.
3. Having successfully incapacitated the entire fortress with parties, he stole a pickaxe from the McCoys and assigned himself the mining labor.  No one spotted him; I only know about it because I was following him in omniscient mode, in close to real time.
4. He left the fort and climbed down the mountainside.
5. He dug his way into the Supercollider.

The Supercollider had been charging for eight months at that point; an ordinary Firehose left unfired for that long would have exploded already.  Boss Hatfield didn't even have to pierce all the way through the mountain wall; as soon as his tunnel was long enough to create a fracture point, the whole mountainside blew outward, killing Boss Hatfield instantly and turning the floor of the panic room into a mass of limestone shrapnel.  Then the overpressure wave spread through the rest of the fortress, breaking almost everything and killing almost everybody...except for the partiers in the gem stockpile, who were as far away from the ignition point as it was possible to be.  I got the "blood flows in your tunnels!" popup, but it disappeared almost immediately, and while the histories do list it as a civil war, they report that it ended a few seconds before it began.

So what the hell happened there?  The "persuade people to party in dangerous locations" trick is old, of course, but how could the planning engine possibly have known that weakening one of those walls would turn that sealed cavern into a giant bomb?  Was he trying to trigger a cave-in, maybe?

I love this game.

14:42    RPharazon|NB   From 0 to mockery of nature in 30 seconds flat
14:42    Kidiri               26, actually.
14:43    RPharazon|NB   Still a good speed
14:44    Kidiri               I try my best.

Introduce self to Lyra.

[speech:May]
"Hello. One time I fucked a tiger, but that was back when I was a man."

She sort of just makes a strangled choking noise.

[Dutchling]

Spoiler: General Signatures (click to show/hide)

To me Dutchling will forever be he-who-faps-at-the-dark.

Makes sense to me, you can keep a lot of things in wheelbarrows. Like communists.

I'm kidding of course, you can't really keep communists in wheelbarrows. There's no way to centralize the economy from there.

One of the current leading reasons for conversion to vegetarianism is in fact a seething pathological hatred of all that is vegetable and a desire to viscerally destroy as much of it as possible.

"SKITTLES INDUCE WALRUS BESTIALITY!!"

Also, Large Hardon Collider.
That thing always makes it impossible for me to seriously read an article.

And that's why I never get to be a scientist.

"Honey, you know that odd looking mushroom in the backyard the kids wanted to bring to school for their science project?  It seems to have grown taller than our house, and it just grunted at me."

I'm pretty sure NASA isn't going to allow the rovers to use the power of friendship to rescue each other from harrowing doom and then traverse the barren landscape together looking for the last remnants of civilization while avoiding the ravenous indigenous population, all while dealing with their emotional prospects and spirit's mysterious dark past.

computer AIDS?

This is what happens when you don't use a firewall, kiddies.

I just realized I have no idea what people are talking about.
Not saying I won't participate, mind you, it doesn't seem that any of you know what you're talking about either.

Where the FUCK did Wal-Mart go? This is the WORST WORLD DESIGN EVER!

Guys, happy thread.
Not summon an elder god for every single little mindbreaking problem thread.

Hey ! I used to not know Dwarf Fortress before it was cool ! 

One does not simply not know about Dwarf Fortress

Somebody reported one of my "chill out" posts because they wanted the argument to keep going, he he he.

Is this a place for any and all questions like if a 30-06 and a .357 have the same bullet size or if you should ask that girl in bio out?

I dearly hope you're not asking both those questions in the same context.

Maybe [the Republican Party] will be honest and come back as the Jesus Dollar Party.

(we must get)^{√ (this tree obsession)}

I thought it was all the gay orgies that go on in the secret boards.

The first rule of orgy club is that you don't talk about orgy club.

The second rule is don't forget the lube.

Third Rule is Karne is not invited ever.

How good is Toady at his own game?

So good the Geneva convention outlawed it

Blood for the Blood God.
Skulls for the skull throne.
Fingers for the finger cabinet.
Eyes for the eye table.
Carp for the carp bed.
Giant Thrips men for the giant thrips man barrel.

I AM THE KING OF THE REGULAR POLYGONS! FEAR THE 800-SIDED REGULAR POLYGON OF DOOM!

A friend is just a stranger with beer.

Is! Ia! Elizabethulhu f'taghn!

Spoiler: Never Again (click to show/hide)

You'd make a cute girl, Dutchling.

Hey, Dutchling. You should stay a boy. You're perfect just the way you are.

Let... let's meet halfway, here. Dutchling, have you considered the wonders of hermaphroditism lately?

Hey, Dutchling. We will accept you in what ever form you choose to take, be it male, female or slightly disturbing black and white 2d rendering.

Hey Dutchling, how about being an orange?

Hey Dutchling, you can tell us what you want to be, we won't judge.

Much...

Out loud...

Where you can hear us...

Spoiler: Goblin Baby Snatcher (click to show/hide)

oh, I painted something similar to that a couple weeks ago.



by the way, nice use of perspective on your goblin thief.
who's so short that they look up to a goblin?

Spoiler: Spambot Signatures (click to show/hide)

violence  should not be,, , bez,, violence make  us ,, more, bad and ,, good th ings,, make us,, good

I definitely go with much cheaper laptop than buying MAC.

hi..........good morning

i am fine.................


visit the site

[Strategia]

This is why we can't have nice things in Battlefailed, someone will just wind up filling it with corpses.

You mean the nice things, or just Battlefailed itself?

Yes

Trade, wealth, and jewels all go together, but fate is a rather strange addition. Perhaps he's associated with the fate of nations and cities, which can indeed turn on trade and wealth. Celestial broker, perhaps? And if so, does he go on break whenever you need him at the depot?

What do we do if it turns out the fort is unkillable?

we'll do what any normal DF player would do, we'll figure out how to weaponize it and use it to kill elves

Have I mentioned lately that I love this community?

We're big on slapstick comedy here. Shooting ourselves in the foot once? Funny.

Shooting ourselves in the foot three times? Hilarious.

Shooting ourselves in the foot every step of the way?  The Battlefailed Trilogy.

No, what we do is much more akin to dipping our collective foot into magma, realizing that it burns horribly, then sticking it back in repeatedly out of spite.

So what if we unleashed hell, ARMOK WILL SAVE US!

Armok doesn't seem like the saving type.

He's probably pleased with us though.

I just got an image in my head of Armok giving us a thumbs-up.

We may have a problem with dwarf caravans, however. When caravan arrived during my turn they arrived on the goo, saw a zombie, and left through the same map edge they came. No casualties.

I think it went like this: "Oh, sorry, wrong fort. We'll be going now"

They're getting smarter...

This is the worst survivable embark instead.

I have plans for this fort.  I think I've worked out a way to contain and weaponize those roaming vapor clouds as a bioweapon.

So we should start planning Battlefailed V, then?

Why's that?  My projects don't kill the entire population of a fortress, just enough that the remaining dwarves are inured to further genocides, murders or general loss of life.

Until it all goes horribly wrong and you have to move on to another fortress disguised as someone else.

Actually my projects mostly work.  It's my SCHEMES that are too nefarious to fully comprehend.

Hey guys, just checked in again to see what you were doing with th

FUCK

GODDAMN GHOST! I PREFER TO GET MY INEBRIATION FROM BOOZE, NOT SPIRITS!

*clap*  ...  *clap*  ...  *clap*

I just realized what I did there. Fuck you, English language, and your insistence on words having many varied definitions. >_<

Also, I'd like to point out we now have a corpulent, legless dwarf who calls herself a prophet, dragging herself all around the fortress, going about her business, including working on the farms and so forth, all while carrying a baby.  A baby which they have inexplicably named overseer, no less.

For a group of people who named this god Donut, you're surprisingly logical.

Wow, my turn's actually pretty close. I can't wait to

I DEMAND A TURN!

We're doomed.

My turn will consist of, in no particular order: death by madness, flying monkeys taking Manhattan, volcanic eruptions, and the creation of the cheese ray.

Dwarves and overseers happened to it. The reanimating biomes helped, but there's only so much left to fuck with after dwarves under the influence of overseers have rolled through.

I'd blame it on overseers prioritizing safety of the fortress of all things, instead of more important stuff like zombie armies, vampire wells, doomsday weapons, overseer pranks, and !!SCIENCE!!. This The Master guy has the right idea I tell you what.

Seriously we have an army of zombified forgotten beasts. Why do we even have this silly trap hallway?

[Ship of Freaks]

Корабль уродов,
Где твой штурвал и снасть?
Я так боюсь упасть
В морскую воду.

Корабль уродов,
Что ты готовишь мне?
Гибель в морской волне
Или свободу?

(Ship of freaks,
Where are your helm and rigging?
I'm so afraid to fall
Into seawater.

Ship of freaks,
What do you prepare me?
Death in a wave on the sea
Or freedom?)